Raising Hope (2010–2014): Season 2, Episode 21 - Inside Probe - full transcript

Whoo!

♪ Here we go ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! ♪

Jimmy, show's about to start.

Made your favorite, shark melon.

No, I'm not watching it!

Ooh, it's
almost show time.

How in the world did
you get that guy

to let you tap into his cable?

I thought he hated you
because you barked at him.

I don't bark at him.



I bark back at
his annoying barking dog.

And screw that guy.

He didn't let me
tap into his cable.

I stole it.

He's always over there
barbequing his delicious meat,

never inviting us over.

That smell drives me crazy.

He should put up
a smell wall or something.

We could put one up.

You know how expensive
a good smell wall is?

Jimmy, your dad's
hooking up the TV!

You're going to miss it!

I'm not watching it!

Jimmy, we captured
a serial killer.



That's all they're
going to show.

That's all anyone cares about.

Do you think if they showed
the embarrassing things we do

every single week,
anyone would want to watch that?

Got it!

Hello, I'm Nancy Grace filling
in for Geraldo Rivera,

who is recovering from some

pretty substantial
plastic surgery.

Tonight, Inside Probe
travels to Natesville.

Normally a simple place
where people work all day,

come for dinner, then enjoy
eating snacks on the sofa

and watching shows like this.

NANCY GRACE: But tonight,

we probe inside
Natesville to explore

one of its dark secrets.

A small-town murder spree...

but, I mean, the
murder thing didn't help.

GRACE: A family, terrorized!

The killer was right there
in our kitchen.

He had eaten one of
my wife's special egg dishes.

"Ham-and-eggtapusses."

With a capture
and a shocking ending

not to be believed.

I had to do something.
She seduced my son.

She would have killed him for
sure. I would have lost my baby.

My baby! (sobbing)

It's all tonight,
on Inside Probe.

(show theme playing)

I walking and talking
at Howdy's Market

in the heart of Natesville.

A friendly place, where
one out of every two customers

shop for groceries
while riding on Rascals.

But, April 9, 2008,

there was a very different kind
of Rascal at Howdy's.

A Rascal known as a murderer.

(indistinct police radio
chatter)

GRACE: Sabrina Collins...

(whispers):
Do you want me to keep going?

GRACE: She wanted to grow up
to be a movie star

or a zoologist.

But she ended up
as a checkout girl.

The last thing she thought
she'd be checking out though

was a dead body.

The body was
in the Dumpster.

Was it all bloody?
Was it gross?

Yeah, it was gross.

Oh, my God. Uh, uh,
did you touch it?

What was the smell?

It was bad.
It smelled bad.

Oh-oh-ohh, man!

When you sign up to be
an auxiliary policeman,

You know you're going
to work some crowd control.

Host the Annual Pancake
Breakfast, maybe work the

Say-No-To-Drugs Puppet
for the kids.

Don't smoke crack.

But you never think
you're going to get

a big opportunity
to shine, but I did.

What do you mean
"calm down"?!

When are you sending me some
backup?! Andy, the guy's dead!

Game over, man!
Game over! (sobbing)

That first murder
was pretty big news.

I mean, we don't get
a lot of crime around here.

Someone stole the giant donut
in front of the Taco Hut

that used to be
the donut place.

But other than that, it's
usually pretty crime-free.

GRACE: Virginia Slims Chance,

named by a desperate mother

in a futile attempt to get
a free carton of cigarettes.

A girl of simple tastes,

little things made her happy:

a snow man, a gerbil
named Martha,

learning to spell "S" words.

But in 2008,

a string of murders made
her life very complicated.

I was immediately "inquizical"
of this mystery.

I watch a lot of CSI, SVU, NCIS.

If a show's got letters in it,
I am so there.

Psst!

Hey!

What?

Have you seen
my sunglasses?

I want to take
the lenses out

so I look smart
in my interview.

GRACE: Virginia's husband,
Burt Chance.

Born Engelburt Jebadiah Chance,

Burt enjoyed
pretending to read,

trying on hats,
and the outdoors.

One summer,
he and his dog, Burt,

tried to run away from home

by floating on
a mattress down the river.

I was quite concerned.

(dog barking nearby)
I have really good skin,

and my biggest fear is
that someone will cut me up

(louder barking)
and make a Burt suit.

Pardon me.

Bark, bark, bark, bark,
bark, bark, bark, bark!

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, you guys just shoot
from the waist up, right?

'Cause, I can't find
my good pants.

GRACE: Virginia and Burt's son,

James Bon Jovi Chance.

Born to teenage parents,

he carried on
their tradition of partying,

as seen in this picture of him

during his first breast-milk
hangover.

He got into goth
before it was cool

and continued on
long after it was cool.

I mean, if the murders
were happening to me,

yeah, I'd be scared.

But they were happening
to other people, so...

If Jimmy Chance wasn't worried,

the rest of the town was.

One murder turned into three.

And police started
to detect a pattern.

Just go around me!
(scoffs)

So we figured out
that all the victims

had a mysterious girlfriend
that no one could find.

By "we," I mean the
investigation team.

That's when I suggest we call
this mysterious woman

the Boyfriend Killer.

Hm.

All the guys
on the team loved it.

Derek gave me this pin.

He said I could pick any
of the ones in his drawer.

It was the last one
with an eagle on it.

Nice.

I only wear it on special
occasions, TV interviews,

when I go visit my two moms,

or every third Friday
when we have our

employee morale-boosting

original song karaoke nights.

♪ Who at Howdy's
loves their jobs? ♪

♪ We do, we do. ♪

♪ How long do we
all work hard? ♪

♪ All the live-long day. ♪

♪ Instrumental... ♪

(music continues)

Those murders were awesome.

I mean, not for
the dudes that got killed,

There were tons
of lonely chicks out there,

'cause guys were two scared to
be dating the Boyfriend Killer.

But I know karate.

(grunting)

These are some of the
ladies I dated.

I didn't have horizontal
refreshments with all of them,

But I did get lots of pictures.

I was pulling more tail than

a curious three-year-old
in a petting zoo.

GRACE: Police soon had
a woman in custody

confessing to the crimes.

You bet your ass I did it.

I killed all of them.

GRACE: Barbara June Thompson,

former Miss Natesville.

She became a
professional model,

starting out in bathing suits

and ending up
in straightjackets.

(cuckooing)

I also killed Kennedy,
Lincoln, and the last dodo bird.

Clearly, Barbara June
was insane,

and police had the wrong woman.

Disco.

I killed disco.

It looked like the murderer
would continue killing

until all the boyfriends
in Natesville were gone,

and she had to start killing
"friends with benefits,"

until this call
was received by 911.

OPERATOR: 911,
what's your emergency?

VIRGINIA: This is
Virginia Chance.

Virginia, this is
your fourth call this month.

For the last time,
we don't

handle rotten pumpkin disposal.

No wait, we actually do
have an emergency.

We captured
the Boyfriend Killer!

BURT: Ask her about the pumpkins
while you're on the line.

How did the Chance's capture
Cold-Blooded Killer?

To answer that question,

prepare yourself for a magic
voyage into the wonderful world

of cheap Korean animation.

Jimmy Chance took his van
to pick up

some bubble gum ice cream
and ended up

getting a double scoop
of trouble.

That's when Lucy appeared
begging for help.

Thinking he was being
a good Samaritan,

Jimmy scooped her up
and drove her to safety.

You saved my life
and you are cute.

Make sex with me.

This is fantastic.

GRACE: The van started rockin',

and neighbors knew
not to come knockin'.

Jimmy get out here!
You're missing it.

This show has cartoons.

What kind of cartoons?

GRACE: Lucky for the Chances,
Lucy had to make ploppies,

and she excused herself
to the bathroom.

It was during these ploppies,
that the news informed

the Chances that Lucy
was a wanted murderer.

Upon Lucy's return
from making ploppies,

Virginia grabbed the family TV

and bam!
Good night, scumbag.

I got to admit, this isn't
what I thought it would be.

See, we had nothing
to worry about.

They're making us
look like heroes.

GRACE: A family of heroes.

Ha-ha.

Or, so it would appear
from the outside.

Uh-oh.

That's why we decided
to probe deeper.

Even when the story says no,

we probe deeper
until the story likes it.

I told you, I didn't
want to talk about this.

This interview,
it's-it's over!

And I was going to
do my Gollum imitation

from Lord Of The Rings.

(à la Gollum): Your loss!

Your loss!

(sobs)

They're going to show it!

You said this would be
a flattering portrayal.

Liar, liar, pantsuit on fire!

Oh! Got busted
for stealing the cable!

You people are such trash.

What the hell?!

You people think you can
just steal our cable?!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

What do you mean, you people?

We just want to borrow
your cable tonight.

Yeah, you got
the wrong idea, Tom.

We don't steal.

Just like you don't cheat on your
wife when she visits her sister.

Oh, it's going to be
like that, huh?

Take your time.

Enjoy our cable.

(chuckles)

The Chance family

had captured more
than a murderer.

They captured
the town's attention.

I became a-a bit
of a local celebrity.

Uh, the sandwich shop
changed the name

of the hero sandwich
to the Jimmy.

People started stopping me
on the street

to ask for my autograph.

Then, a real movie company
asked me to be in a movie.

All the real stars had done
movies for this company:

Tanya Harding, John Wayne
Bobbitt,

Joey Buttafuoco, Screech.

If there's
going to be

any stabbing,
it will be done by me!

With my body parts!

Do it! Do it! Do it!
Do it! Do it! Do it!

That's all you get, perverts.

Jimmy Chance was
enjoying his fame,

but eventually
he became old news

and his high from being
a celebrity came crashing down

harder than a contestant
on Dancing with the Stars

who was voted off way too early.

We hadn't seen him
spend this much time

locked in his room
since he was 13.

At least back then, he came
out with a smile on his face.

(both laugh)

But, yeah, but this time,

he came out all depressed,

with those weird drawings.

VIRGINIA: I was at my wit's
end and was this close

to buying a self-help book.

But then I realized, hey,
we live next door to a shrink.

I'm not a shrink.

I got a psychology magazine
in the mail once by mistake.

Burt saw it
and started calling me Doc.

He said he would mow my lawn
for free if I evaluated his son.

So I went with it.

(barks)

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Jasper, it's okay.

It's just the mailman.

So, anyway,
according to the Internet,

the kid suffered from
"hero depression."

(Burt barking)

When average people,
or in Jimmy's case,

below average,
get thrust into the spotlight,

they suddenly feel euphoric.

And then when
the spotlight goes away,

so does their sense of
self-worth.

Bark! Bark!
Bark! Bark!

Bark! Bark! Bark!
Bark! Bark! Bark...

He's a dog, Burt!

You're a human!

I take some
of the blame.

As a child, I put a
lot of pressure on him

to become famous.

When Jimmy Chance was 13,
the Chance family decided

to send in an audition tape
for the TV show Star Search.

Hello, Mr. McMahon.

I'm James Bon Jovi Chance.

I'm about to sing
so beautifully,

I'll make you forget all about
your drinking problem.

♪ With a guy like me,
with a girl like you ♪

♪ Oh, could you ever see ♪

As amazing as Jimmy Chance was,
it was all for naught,

because Star Search had been
off the air for ten years

and the Chance family
was only watching reruns.

♪ Cheyenne... ♪

Ed, this kid is the star.

So, disregard all those
earlier tapes I sent

of me break-dancing
pregnant, okay?

So, primed to be a star and
finding he no longer was one,

Jimmy Chance wallowed
in self-pity.

Until he got some news
from prison

that would change
his life forever.

You're pregnant?

Say something to your baby.

Hey, baby.

Uh, uh...

(stuttering)

(stuttering echoes)

At first, Jimmy didn't
handle the news

of getting a serial killer
pregnant very well.

Especially since he thought
the baby was gonna

have to spend her life
in prison, too.

You're the one
who told him that.

I did.
I did tell him that!

(laughs)

Tell them about the letter.

NANCY: Although we had
learned to ignore

most of what the old lady
had to say,

turns out, there was a letter
written from Lucy to Jimmy

shortly after he found out
she was pregnant.

LUCY: "Jimmy, ever since
you came to see me,

"I can't stop
thinking about you

"and this life we created
growing inside me.

"Even though there are
many female prisoners

"with your hairstyle, there's
no one here quite like you.

"It would mean the world to me
to know our baby

"will someday know it was born
to married parents.

"I know I'm not long for this
world, but I'd like to spend

"the rest of my life,
which is six more months,

as Mrs. Jimmy
whatever your last name is."

Anyone in their right mind would
have run away from a proposal

from a convicted serial killer.

But then, Inside Probe
wouldn't have covered that.

Yes. Yes!

(moans)

(phone ringing)

Hello.

You said yes?!
You said yes?!

I was flattered!

I told you not to watch this!

(grunts)

Anybody want some chamomile?

Hey.

I cannot believe
you agreed to marry her.

Shh!

A killer terrorizes a city,

a simple young man
impregnates her,

captures her.

The young couple falls in love.

A wedding is planned.

Things were getting spicy.

Not a fan.

I was against it at first.

But then I told her,
"Look, Jimmy's our son.

"Whoever he loves, we have
to honor and respect that.

"And besides, she'll be dead
in six months,

and he'll be single again."

Believe it or not,

we get a lot of wedding requests
at the prison.

Mostly it's gal-on-gal,
but every once in a while,

a fella comes in and wants
to marry one of our guests.

We try to accommodate.

Howdy's Catering puts in bids
for all the prison weddings.

We also do last meals, too.

Lot of leftovers for those.

Sad throwing away
all those shrimp.

Anyway, in keeping with
the prison theme,

among the items we served

were chocolate bars and a Jewish
smoked salmon called lox.

Bars, lox... get it?

(chuckles)

They didn't, either.

NANCY:
Jimmy even got his mom

to help with the bride's dress.

The wedding was on.

A desperate groom looking for
meaning in his life,

his family who was trying
to make the best of the day,

and a wedding procession
not to be believed.

Oh, remember Teresa
with the mask?

Yeah, Burt, you tend
not to forget the person

who tries to bite
your ear off.

You just had to
see her face.

This is crazy.

Hey, we're here to work,
not to be looky-loos.

I do.

And do you, Jimmy,
take this woman Lucy

to be your lawfully wedded wife
until death...

until Tuesday, September 21,
at midnight?

I do.

The couple wed.

They danced the night away.

♪ Your best friend Harry
has a brother Larry ♪

♪ In five days from now,
he's gonna marry ♪

♪ He's hoping you can
make it there if you can ♪

♪ 'Cause in the ceremony,
you'll be the best man ♪

♪ You say "neat-o,"
check your libido ♪

♪ And roll to the church
in your new tuxedo ♪

♪ The bride walks down
just to start the wedding ♪

♪ And there's one more girl
you won't be getting ♪

♪ So you start thinking,
then you start blinking ♪

♪ A bridesmaid looks
and thinks that you're winking ♪

♪ She thinks you're kind of cute
so she winks back ♪

♪ And now you're feeling
really firm ♪

♪ 'Cause the girl is stacked ♪

The two young lovers
cut the cake.

Everything seemed
just fine and dandy.

Until this.

Freeze! Everybody freeze!

Or I'll cut
this fool's head off!

In hindsight, we realized that

giving a serial
stabber-of-male-companions

access to a knife
while she stood

next to her new male companion
was probably

an avoidable mistake.

(chuckles)

Live and learn.

(screams)

I need a helicopter
out of here in an hour,

$600 and two tickets
to Mamma Mia,

or my husband's head
leaves here in a bag!

Do you want to see
Mamma Mia?

No.

One ticket!

Freeze!

(Tasers crackling)

(shuddering):
Thank you.

What happens next?

You'll find out
after the commercial,

when we reveal
a bombshell so huge

it will absolutely
blow your minds.

Oh, please.

They always say that at the end
to get you to watch

the last two minutes
of the show.

I know I always say this,
but seriously,

this bombshell coming up,
it's going to blow your mind.

Nah.

I already know what happens.

Lucy has the baby,
she gets fried, and we get Hope.

I'm going to bed.

You sure about that?

Damn it, they're good.

Can't get enough My Name is Earl?

My Name is Earl
five days a week.

You married a woman
who was executed

and you never thought that was
worth sharing with me?

I had to look at your blog
to find out that you love

Arcade Fire and hate
people who snoop around.

We all have secrets.

Shh!
(groans)

Welcome back.

Tonight, we showed you the story
of the Chance family,

the serial killer
who changed their lives,

and the jailhouse wedding
that ended

in a brief hostage situation.

But what we haven't shown you

is that Lucy Carlyle
gave birth to her child.

A lovely little girl
named Princess Beyoncé,

whose name was later changed.

To Hope.

Blah, blah, blah.

We know all this already, Nancy.

I knew I should've
gone to bed.

...Carlyle was executed.

This crazy story
was finally over.

BURT: You were right, Virginia.

They keep you sticking around
for the last segment,

then they got nothing!

I'm just glad it's over.

Or was it over?

There was one more

bombshell left.

A bombshell named Lucy Carlyle.

I'm alive!

(Jimmy gasps, Burt groans)

You thought I was dead,
but I'm not.

Bam!

How you like them apples?

That was worth
sticking around for.