QI (2003–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - Bees - full transcript

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[Events]
Format: Marked, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:07.06,0:00:08.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Theme music)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:24.38,0:00:26.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheering and applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:32.42,0:00:37.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, hello, hello, hello,\Nand welcome to QI
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:37.46,0:00:39.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,for another handful\Nof pickled herrings
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:39.74,0:00:41.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,from the groaning smorgasbord\Nof knowledge.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:41.90,0:00:44.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And joining me tonight in the bistro\Nof bewilderment are -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:44.90,0:00:46.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Rich Hall...\N(Applause and cheering)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:46.70,0:00:48.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..Fred MacAulay,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:48.34,0:00:50.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Jo Brand and Alan Davies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:50.86,0:00:52.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:54.50,0:00:56.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, let's tuck in, shall we? Rich?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:56.42,0:00:57.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Popping champagne cork)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:58.22,0:01:00.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And Fred.\N(Pouring drink)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:00.46,0:01:01.74,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:02.02,0:01:03.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Jo.\N(Fizz)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:06.02,0:01:08.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And Alan.\N(Burp)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:08.30,0:01:10.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:10.34,0:01:11.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Naturellement.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:11.90,0:01:15.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"B" is for bottle, Burgundy, barbeque\Nand, as Alan has shown us, burp.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:15.50,0:01:18.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And the start of the day as well,\Nwhich is "biography".
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:18.30,0:01:22.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, this question - who first\Ndiscovered that the world was round?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:23.86,0:01:26.50,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's flat, isn't it?\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:26.78,0:01:28.86,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it gonna be a trick question?\NIt is.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:30.42,0:01:32.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You're cagey from the first.\NRight from the off.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:32.74,0:01:35.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Right from the off, you're cagey.\NAny thoughts?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:35.86,0:01:37.86,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Copernicus.\NNot Copernicus.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:38.18,0:01:39.90,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Galileo.\NNot Gali...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:40.14,0:01:42.10,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Someone with a telescope\Nworked it out.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:42.38,0:01:44.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They would be able to work out\Nthat the moon was round
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:44.86,0:01:46.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but the telescope is not that useful\Nfor looking at the Earth.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:47.18,0:01:48.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Fizz)\NYes?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:48.62,0:01:49.90,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it Len Murray?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:50.18,0:01:51.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:51.98,0:01:55.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you talking about the...\NThe General Secretary of the TVC?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:55.46,0:01:56.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..of the TVC?\NYeah, I am.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:56.90,0:01:58.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Len Murray?\NNot him? No.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:58.46,0:02:01.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, it wasn't him. In fact...\NHe discovered the potato was round.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:01.58,0:02:02.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He discovered the potato was round.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:03.22,0:02:04.38,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Was it somebody with a boat?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:04.58,0:02:06.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't, no. Indeed, it's...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:06.50,0:02:09.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We're talking about something\Nperhaps,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:09.50,0:02:10.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,or at least,\Nsomething that isn't human.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:10.94,0:02:12.10,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,A bird.\NNot a birdy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:12.42,0:02:13.62,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They fly...\NFish!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:13.90,0:02:15.46,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,..all over the... Fish!\NNor a fish.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:15.74,0:02:17.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Good, though. You're along\Nthe right lines. Whales?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:18.02,0:02:19.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Nor whales.\NDolphins? Sharks?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:19.50,0:02:20.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, not sea animals at all.\NSea...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:20.98,0:02:22.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Not the sea.\NLand. Land.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:23.78,0:02:25.14,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,A panda.\NBees! Flies!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:25.42,0:02:26.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Bees" is the right answer!\NUsing their thing and...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:27.26,0:02:31.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Bees. They can reckon on the position\Nof the sun even at night.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:31.58,0:02:34.06,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Even whilst eating pollen,\Nthey can keep an eye on it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:34.30,0:02:35.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:36.26,0:02:39.54,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Termite mounds go round
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:39.74,0:02:41.46,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,in a spiral like that
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:41.78,0:02:44.26,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,because as the termites build them\Nin the day,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:44.50,0:02:45.98,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,they stay out of the sun.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:46.22,0:02:47.50,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So, the sun goes round
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:47.78,0:02:49.50,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and they go round like that.\NStaying cool.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:49.74,0:02:51.30,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Quite interesting?\NIt is quite interesting.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:51.62,0:02:52.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Very good.\NYes, I know. Well, it is.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:53.06,0:02:55.26,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not about bees, though, is it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:55.54,0:02:57.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, what is about bees\Nis they also have
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:57.38,0:02:58.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,the most developed magnetic sense\Nof any animal
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:58.98,0:03:01.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and if you put a strong magnet\Nnext to one of those, a honeycomb,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:02.26,0:03:03.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it completely changes the shape
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:03.78,0:03:05.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,into something that's never seen\Nin nature -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:05.86,0:03:08.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,a cylindrical-shaped honeycomb.\NIf you put a magnet next to it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:08.58,0:03:11.26,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, but you would be stung to\Ndeath if you did that, wouldn't you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:11.54,0:03:13.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it's true,\Nit wouldn't be a wise proceeding.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:13.34,0:03:15.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You could wear one of those\Namusing costumes. Yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:16.70,0:03:18.78,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Can I ask Alan?\NYou know, on a cloudy day,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:18.98,0:03:20.34,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,do the termites really just...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:20.62,0:03:21.98,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They really motor upwards.\NI bet.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:22.22,0:03:23.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:24.02,0:03:26.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They probably do. They probably do.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:26.30,0:03:28.06,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You can see the termite mound\Ngoes swervy
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:28.38,0:03:29.70,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and then, whoop suddenly,\Nand then...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:31.30,0:03:34.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Bees are very interesting animals,\Nor at least, quite interesting.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:35.22,0:03:37.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Most bees,\Nwhat happens when they sting you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:38.06,0:03:40.42,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They die.\NNo, they don't. Odd enough.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:40.70,0:03:41.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Only the...\NYes, they do.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:42.00,0:03:43.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Only the honey...\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:43.48,0:03:44.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, they do.\NOnly the honeybee.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:45.00,0:03:46.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They've got one sting.\NWasps have more than one sting.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:46.92,0:03:48.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No. Only one species of bee...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:48.96,0:03:50.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not allowed to kill bees.\NYou can kill wasps, though.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:51.08,0:03:52.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:52.64,0:03:54.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Only one type of bee,\Nwhich is the honeybee,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:54.36,0:03:56.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,leaves its sting behind and dies
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:56.40,0:03:58.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but all the other species of bees -\Nand there are many -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:58.44,0:03:59.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,can sting you repeatedly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:00.00,0:04:01.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And, actually,\Nthere are several species of wasp
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:01.56,0:04:02.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that die when they sting you.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:03.04,0:04:04.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if you're stung by an animal\Nthat has died,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:05.04,0:04:06.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it's more likely to have been a wasp.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:06.72,0:04:09.32,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I think you'll find that if a bee\Nhas stung me inside my house,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:09.60,0:04:11.24,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,it's likely to die.\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:11.52,0:04:13.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly. (Laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:13.68,0:04:16.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not surprised.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:16.44,0:04:18.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Honey - Eddie Izzard once observed\Nthat it was very odd
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:19.20,0:04:20.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that bees make honey.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:20.64,0:04:22.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Earwigs," he said,\N"don't make chutney".
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:23.04,0:04:24.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Which was...\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:24.72,0:04:27.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It takes 12 bees an entire lifetime
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:27.80,0:04:29.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to make enough honey\Nto fill a teaspoon.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:29.84,0:04:32.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, the lifetime of 12 bees...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:32.40,0:04:34.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And you go into a supermarket\Nand you see all those jars,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:34.80,0:04:36.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,think how many bees have been working\Naway...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:36.72,0:04:40.48,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And if it's a 125ml jar,\Nit'll take 300 bees.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:40.68,0:04:42.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:42.72,0:04:44.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:46.80,0:04:48.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Fantastic.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:48.48,0:04:50.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What a loss to the accountancy\Nprofession.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:50.88,0:04:52.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:52.44,0:04:54.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Those are hexagons.\NThey ARE hexagons.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:54.84,0:04:56.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Little six-sided bee cells.\NBrilliant.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:57.04,0:04:58.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Why?\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:59.00,0:05:01.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But why do they make hexagon shapes?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:01.32,0:05:04.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The hexagonal form\Nuses the minimum amount of wax
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:05.00,0:05:07.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,for the maximum amount of storage\Nin a given area.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:07.56,0:05:08.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll just finish off this thing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:09.12,0:05:10.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Honeybees have evolved\Na complex language
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:10.68,0:05:13.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to tell each other\Nwhere the best nectar is
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:13.20,0:05:15.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,using the sun as a reference point.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:15.60,0:05:18.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Amazingly, they can also do this\Non overcast days and at night
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:18.96,0:05:21.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,by calculating the position of the\Nsun on the other side of the world.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:21.96,0:05:23.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,This means they can actually learn\Nand store information...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:24.24,0:05:27.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Has it occurred to you that\Nthey may not be using the sun?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:27.96,0:05:29.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:30.00,0:05:31.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That whoever has worked that out\Nis wrong.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:31.92,0:05:33.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:33.40,0:05:35.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And he's now saying,\N"Even when you can't see it,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:35.56,0:05:38.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,or it's on the other side\Nof the world, they still use it."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:38.88,0:05:40.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And the bees are thinking,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:40.44,0:05:41.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"No, we don't,\Nwe just remember where we live!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:42.24,0:05:44.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter and applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:48.84,0:05:51.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is it so remarkable\Nthat they know where they live?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:52.76,0:05:54.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, because they have only\N950,000 neurons
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:54.92,0:05:57.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,as opposed to our 10 billion neurons\Nin our brains.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:57.72,0:05:59.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But, they've only got one thing\Nto remember - where they live.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:59.92,0:06:01.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:01.92,0:06:03.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They've got a lot more to remember!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:03.84,0:06:05.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:07.92,0:06:12.04,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,How come I've got 10 billion\Nand sometimes I forget where I live?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:12.32,0:06:13.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:13.92,0:06:17.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Which brings us to our next question,\Nwhich is - why do bees buzz?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:18.24,0:06:19.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Fizz)\NJo.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:20.16,0:06:21.44,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Because they can.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:21.64,0:06:23.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Some laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:23.52,0:06:25.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They buzz so that when\Nthey're trapped in the living room,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:26.04,0:06:27.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,you know to open a window.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:27.60,0:06:29.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)\NIt's a thought.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:29.72,0:06:33.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it to, um, to sound industrious?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:33.36,0:06:35.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, could be.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:35.40,0:06:38.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to look at bees\Nas aerospace workers.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:39.96,0:06:41.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:41.72,0:06:44.32,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And... Stay with me.\NYeah, I'm with you.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:44.64,0:06:46.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)\NIt's all right. I'm still there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:48.32,0:06:50.44,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,When you're flying,\Nyou want to make a lot of noise.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:50.64,0:06:55.24,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Because a quiet aircraft
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:55.48,0:06:59.00,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,is...crashing.\N(Laughs) Yeah...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:00.72,0:07:04.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well...\NI think it's their knees knocking
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:04.32,0:07:06.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,that makes the buzzing, isn't it?\NBecause they hate flying.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:06.52,0:07:09.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)\NTerrified of flying.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:09.48,0:07:11.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What is it that makes the noise?\NThe wings.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:11.60,0:07:13.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Klaxons)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:15.12,0:07:17.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No. No, it isn't, I'm afraid.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:17.76,0:07:20.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Not the wings, then?\NNo. It won't be the wings.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:20.36,0:07:21.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah...testicles?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:21.96,0:07:23.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:23.76,0:07:25.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Their little tiny mouths. Bzz!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:27.12,0:07:28.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it is sort of little mouths.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:28.80,0:07:30.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's through what they breathe\Nand they're called spiracles.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:30.60,0:07:33.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They have them down their sides,\Nthrough which they breathe.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:33.60,0:07:35.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,All buzzing insects -\Nbluebottles are the same -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:35.80,0:07:37.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it's not the wings.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:37.32,0:07:39.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Less than one percent of the buzz\Ncomes from their wings.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:39.56,0:07:43.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Bees breathe through 14 holes\Nalong the sides of their bodies
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:43.56,0:07:46.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're called spiracles\Nand each one has a valve
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:46.80,0:07:48.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to limit the flow of air,\Nwhich the bee can do,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:48.96,0:07:50.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and they can tune it\Nrather like a trumpeter
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:51.00,0:07:52.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,sort of using his lips.\NWhat's that called?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:52.64,0:07:54.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Embrouchere or\Nwhatever it's called... Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:55.04,0:07:56.48,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Embouchure.\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:56.76,0:08:00.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And in the same way that\None human lung on a trumpet
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:00.60,0:08:02.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,can fill a vast hall\Nwith a great sound
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:02.76,0:08:04.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,more than it can\Nwith its own vocal cords,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:05.12,0:08:06.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,so a bee can make\Nthis extraordinary noise
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:07.20,0:08:08.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,just through controlling\Nits breathing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:09.00,0:08:11.40,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Isn't science marvellous?\NIt is!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:11.64,0:08:13.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:13.56,0:08:16.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Are humans the only species\Nthat make unnecessary noise?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:16.32,0:08:17.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, that's an interesting idea.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:17.92,0:08:19.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Nah, dogs. (Barks)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:21.56,0:08:24.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, do you think any animals\Njust sit around and hum, or just...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:24.60,0:08:25.88,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Whistle?\N(Blows a raspberry)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:26.12,0:08:27.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:27.84,0:08:29.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Or talk inanely. Alan?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:30.12,0:08:31.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:31.72,0:08:33.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you think that happens at all?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:33.24,0:08:35.20,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why there are no panel shows\Nin the animal kingdom.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:35.40,0:08:36.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:37.12,0:08:39.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,As to other animals\Nalso beginning with Bs,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:39.84,0:08:42.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Can barnacles grow wings?"\Nis the question.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:42.28,0:08:46.00,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I do know one thing about barnacles.\NI'm afraid it's rude but...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:46.20,0:08:47.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Go on.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:47.68,0:08:49.32,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,..that relatively speaking,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:49.68,0:08:53.24,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,they have the biggest penis\Nof any existing creature,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:53.52,0:08:57.16,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,which is five times\Nthe length of their shell.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:57.48,0:09:00.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Seven times the length, I've got\Ndown here, but maybe it was...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:00.44,0:09:02.24,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, you're exaggerating,\Nlike blokes always do.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:03.84,0:09:05.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Typical barnacle.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:07.32,0:09:10.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, up until recently,\Nit was thought that barnacles
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:10.56,0:09:13.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,were the embryos\Nof the barnacle goose.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:13.92,0:09:15.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,What fool thought that?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:15.36,0:09:16.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughs) I'll tell you...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:17.00,0:09:19.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It IS a bit silly-sounding.\NThere's a barnacle goose,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:19.48,0:09:22.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which is named "Anser hiberniculae"\Nafter the Latin
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:23.00,0:09:25.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and that got shortened\Nto "hiberniculae" became "bernica",
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:25.80,0:09:27.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which became "barnacle".
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:27.32,0:09:28.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,These geese breed in the Arctic
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:29.04,0:09:31.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and so no-one had ever seen them\Nmate or lay eggs.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:31.68,0:09:32.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,When they arrived in the summer,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:33.20,0:09:35.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,at the same time there would be\Na lot of driftwood
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:35.40,0:09:36.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,coming in off the sea\Ncovered in barnacles
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:37.08,0:09:38.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and people just made\Nthe weird assumption
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:39.00,0:09:41.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that the barnacles\Nmust be the baby barnacle geese.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:41.88,0:09:44.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But barnacles growing on ships\Ncan increase
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:44.68,0:09:46.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,the inefficiency by a huge amount.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:46.56,0:09:48.88,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Barnacles growing on chips?\NShips, dear. Ships.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:49.08,0:09:50.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Some laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:51.00,0:09:53.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That really worried you.\NOh, it would.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:53.52,0:09:55.56,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,How long would you have to leave\Na chip lying about
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:55.80,0:09:57.08,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,for a barnacle to grow on it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:57.36,0:10:00.04,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not going to happen\Nin my house!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:00.36,0:10:02.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The way they glue themselves\Nto things are very, very tough,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:03.00,0:10:07.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and scientists are currently looking\Nat it as a kind of dental cement.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:07.32,0:10:09.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Better than, you know, Poligrip,\Nor whatever these things are,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:09.72,0:10:12.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that they advertise round about\Nduring Countdown, for some reason.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:12.48,0:10:15.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They always advertise these strange\Nthings taht keep teeth together,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:16.20,0:10:18.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and ways\Nof lowering yourself into a bath.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:20.72,0:10:23.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, when WH Auden got old,\Nthe poet...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:24.00,0:10:25.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, yeah, yeah.\NYeah, alright.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:26.12,0:10:27.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a good one, this.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:29.08,0:10:31.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,When he was old,\Nhe had an incredibly lined face,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:31.32,0:10:32.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,really like a native...\NJO: Jowly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:32.84,0:10:34.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..really, kind of, craggy lines,\Nyou know,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:35.28,0:10:37.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,like Chief Joseph,\Nor one of those really, kind of...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:38.16,0:10:39.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..David Hockney,\None of his first commissions...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:39.60,0:10:41.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Painter.\N..yes, well done.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:41.52,0:10:44.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,One of his first commissions\Nas a young artists
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:45.08,0:10:47.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,was to do a series of drawings\Nof WH Auden,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:47.60,0:10:49.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and Hockney just\Ntook one look at Auden, and said,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:49.76,0:10:52.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'Blimey. If that's his face,\Nwhat can his scrotum look like?'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:52.68,0:10:54.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,(Groans)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:54.64,0:10:58.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,How did Nelson keep\Nhis men's spirits up after he died?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:58.68,0:11:00.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bottle of champagne pops)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:00.44,0:11:05.64,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Did he allow Hardy to use him\Nas a ventriloquist dummy?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:05.88,0:11:07.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, it wasn't that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:07.56,0:11:09.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I would think the men\Nwould just be inspired
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:09.36,0:11:11.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,by the fact that he just\Nbasically slowly dismantled,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:11.44,0:11:13.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,instead of dying all at once,\Nyou know?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:14.16,0:11:16.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, there was an arm,\Nthen there was an eye,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:16.44,0:11:17.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,then there was, like, a testicle,\Nright?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:18.12,0:11:21.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He's, like, dropping parts\Nlike a Volkswagen.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:24.40,0:11:27.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The thing is, most sailors, when\Nthey die, were thrown overboard -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:27.40,0:11:30.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,burial at sea -\Nand he asked not to be buried at sea.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:30.96,0:11:33.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So he was gonna be taken back\Nfrom Trafalgar,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:33.48,0:11:36.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which is, sort of,\Noff the Spanish coast, to Britain.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:36.36,0:11:40.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So what were they gonna do with\Nhis body to make sure it didn't rot?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:40.32,0:11:41.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Put it in beer.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:42.00,0:11:43.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, not beer, but brandy, actually.\NWine. Brandy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:43.56,0:11:44.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He was pickled\Nin a barrel of brandy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:45.20,0:11:46.72,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,And they were allowed to drink him,\Nwere they?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:47.04,0:11:48.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, they weren't allowed to...\NThey wanted to.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:49.00,0:11:50.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..but supposedly,\Nusing tubes of macaroni,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:50.52,0:11:53.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,they would have a go at this brandy,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:53.76,0:11:57.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and by the time it got to Portsmouth,\Nthere was no brandy left...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:57.80,0:11:59.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..and a slightly\Nunfortunate-looking Nelson.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:00.12,0:12:02.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And to this day, in the navy, they\Nuse the phrase 'tapping the admiral',
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:03.12,0:12:05.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,for having a surreptitious slug\Nof anything alcoholic.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:05.52,0:12:07.40,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,You can just picture them\Nwith a macaroni straw,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:07.68,0:12:09.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,going...(Slurps.)\N'Ooh! Oh, God. That's the...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:12.84,0:12:15.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,..I think that's the other one out!'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:16.56,0:12:18.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'Have we got another patch?'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:19.56,0:12:21.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But, in fact, sadly,\Nlike all these good stories,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:21.72,0:12:23.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it supposedly isn't true.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:24.00,0:12:26.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, why are male anglers\Nso pathetic?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:27.24,0:12:29.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bottle of champagne pops)\NJo Brand.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:29.52,0:12:31.40,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Because they like fishing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:33.24,0:12:34.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, yes. Rich?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:34.92,0:12:37.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause they\Nspend ?2,000 on equipment,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:37.88,0:12:43.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,when you can go to the market,\Nand buy the same thing for ?1.89.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:43.28,0:12:45.00,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a good book\Nin this country -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:45.24,0:12:47.36,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Fly Fishing, by JR Hartley.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:47.60,0:12:49.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Absolutely! The classic.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:52.08,0:12:53.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Why are they pathetic, though?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:54.12,0:12:56.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, what we don't need\Nis human male anglers.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:57.08,0:12:58.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There's another type of angler\Nthat isn't human.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:58.88,0:13:00.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh.\NAnglerfish.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:00.60,0:13:03.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Anglerfish. Male anglerfish\Ntruly are pathetic.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:03.48,0:13:06.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But you can eat them, can't you,\Nanglerfish? I'm sure I've had one.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:06.40,0:13:08.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, there are shallow anglerfish,\Nand there are very, very deep ones.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:09.00,0:13:10.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You wouldn't want to eat that -\Nit's a bit spiny.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:11.04,0:13:13.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I wouldn't go calling that pathetic\Nto its face, I'll tell you.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:13.52,0:13:14.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the female.\NOh, right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:15.00,0:13:16.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The female is very impressive.\NAh.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:16.56,0:13:19.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The male has a sad life. It must be\Nthe feeblest male in nature.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:19.68,0:13:22.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Six times smaller than the female...\NAww!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:22.80,0:13:25.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..when they find a mate, they\Nlatch onto them with their teeth,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:25.20,0:13:26.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and immediately start to disappear -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:26.76,0:13:29.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,scales, bones, blood vessels\Nall merge into those of the female,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:30.24,0:13:32.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and after a week, all that's left\Nare two tiny, little testes,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:32.64,0:13:34.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which leak sperm into the female.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:34.80,0:13:36.68,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to say, that sounds\Nvery much like my marriage.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:36.92,0:13:38.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:40.68,0:13:44.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Your husband has entirely\Nbeen subsumed into you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:44.64,0:13:46.36,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,He has. And he's six times smaller\Nthan I am.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:47.92,0:13:50.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There are some of those\Nfemale anglerfish
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:50.28,0:13:53.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,going around with about\Neight testicles hanging off them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:53.64,0:13:55.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like an Essex disco.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:57.48,0:13:59.44,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'That was wine...'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:59.68,0:14:02.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That thing coming out of\Nthe top of its head, like that,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:02.52,0:14:05.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,is why it's called an 'anglerfish'.\NIt's its little rod, as it were,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:05.28,0:14:08.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's bio-luminescent -\Nit lights up.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:08.40,0:14:11.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Attracting\Nother innocent, edible fish?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:11.40,0:14:12.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well,\Nthat's what used to be thought.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:12.96,0:14:15.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They now think it may be the way\Nof attracting the male towards it,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:15.60,0:14:16.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which then gets absorbed.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:17.16,0:14:19.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That brings us on, bio-luminescence,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:19.56,0:14:22.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to what comes from Glasgow\Nand glows in the dark.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:22.80,0:14:24.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Champagne bottle pops)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:24.48,0:14:27.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it Sir Alex Ferguson's nose?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:30.00,0:14:34.00,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it the River Clyde?\NIt's not the River Clyde, neither.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:34.20,0:14:35.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We're talking about food.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:36.00,0:14:37.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Luminous food?\NYes, luminous food.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:38.16,0:14:41.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's an idea that comes from\Ncreatures like the anglerfish.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:41.28,0:14:44.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it a deep-fried Mars Bar\Nwith a torch attached to it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:45.12,0:14:46.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Deep-fried torch?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:47.28,0:14:50.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, you're in the right area\Nwith deep-fried.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:50.52,0:14:54.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What I believe you call\N'carry-outs' - the food to go -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:54.84,0:14:58.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,what is the most popular food\Nin Britain, supposedly, these days?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:58.68,0:14:59.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Chips.\N(Glass of water is poured)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:00.08,0:15:01.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Chicken tikka masala.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:01.60,0:15:04.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Chicken tikka masala,\Nwhich was invented in Glasgow.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:04.32,0:15:05.60,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh!\NAnd there is one.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:05.88,0:15:07.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, that's a particularly fine\Nexample of one!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:08.12,0:15:09.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:10.12,0:15:11.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe a used one, one that's...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:12.48,0:15:15.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..been through the system,\NI have a horrible feeling.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:16.80,0:15:18.92,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'Morag! Get me a bed of rice.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:19.20,0:15:21.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:28.40,0:15:30.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.\N'The children shall eat.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:34.88,0:15:37.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, there is\Na company called BioLume,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:37.80,0:15:40.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which is planning to have food,\Nincluding curry,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:40.80,0:15:41.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that glows in the dark,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:42.24,0:15:44.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,using extracts\Nof marine creatures that glow.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:45.08,0:15:48.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And they want to make beer, in\Nparticular, that glows in the dark,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:48.32,0:15:50.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,children's fizzy drinks\Nthat glow in the dark.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:50.32,0:15:54.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Chicken tikka masala is not something\Nthat exists in Bangladesh, or India.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:54.72,0:15:56.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The story of it goes
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:56.28,0:15:59.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that there was a restaurant\Ncalled The Gaylord, in 1966,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:59.84,0:16:02.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that was the first place\Nto serve a proper chicken tandoori.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:02.60,0:16:04.04,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,In Glasgow, or London?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:04.32,0:16:07.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It became rather popular...no, in\NLondon. Mortimer Street, in London.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:07.28,0:16:08.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And, the story goes,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:09.24,0:16:11.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,somebody came into\Na restaurant in Glasgow
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:11.64,0:16:13.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,where they were serving\Nthis new tandoori chicken,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:13.68,0:16:15.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and asked for some gravy to go on it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:16.08,0:16:20.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And the chef improvised with\Ntomato soup, and cream and spices.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:20.92,0:16:25.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And up grew this strange creature\Nthat is chicken tikka masala,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:25.20,0:16:26.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that has no definition -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:27.12,0:16:30.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it can be hot, it can be mild,\Nit can be brown, it can be orange,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:30.32,0:16:32.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it can be grey -\Nbut, according to Robin Cook,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:32.28,0:16:33.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,is the great British national dish.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:33.96,0:16:36.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Glad to say, I had a curry once\Non the Isle of Man,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:36.48,0:16:37.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,where I was doing a gig.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:38.04,0:16:40.96,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It was served with a cup of tea,\Nand some bread and butter.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:41.28,0:16:44.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Which I think is fantastic.\NDon't you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:45.08,0:16:46.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Can I just mention that -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:46.68,0:16:49.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,since we're being disparaging\Nabout the Scottish diet -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:49.32,0:16:52.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,that we don't all\Neat chips every night.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:53.16,0:16:55.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes, what we do is,\Nwe have some chips,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:56.04,0:16:58.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and leave them aside\Ntill the morning.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:58.64,0:17:02.80,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And we have them cold\Nthe next day, and that's a salad.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:03.00,0:17:04.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:07.24,0:17:08.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Deep-fried pizza is the...\Nand the Mars Bars...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:09.12,0:17:10.40,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a myth.\NIt's a myth, is it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:10.68,0:17:12.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not a myth.\NAnd the Mars Bar, as well.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:12.64,0:17:14.32,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It happened once.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:14.64,0:17:17.92,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,He dropped his Mars Bar.\N'I'm not wasting that.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:20.16,0:17:22.40,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,He scorched his hand\Ngetting the wrapper off.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:22.64,0:17:24.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,(Screams)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:26.04,0:17:27.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Fantastic.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:27.72,0:17:29.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Supposedly do have the worst teeth,\Nand worst hearts in Europe, though,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:30.12,0:17:31.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,the Scots, don't you?\NYes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:31.56,0:17:33.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, your teeth are fine.\NThey're alright, yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:33.72,0:17:36.08,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I've started a wee company\Nin Scotland.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:36.32,0:17:37.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Using barnacle cement?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:38.16,0:17:41.32,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, they're OK, but the cement\Ncomes off, and the penis comes out.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:44.76,0:17:49.96,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,We run bus trips to Eastern Europe\Nto show Scottish people worse teeth.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:51.72,0:17:54.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, while we're in the Balti belt,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:54.80,0:17:57.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,where is it possible\Nto live on a diet of smut
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:57.96,0:18:00.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,without the neighbours complaining?\N(Champagne bottle pops)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:00.72,0:18:04.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,In the green room in Channel Five.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:05.16,0:18:07.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'A diet of smut' is the clue,\Nhowever.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:07.80,0:18:10.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it some sort of\NNorwegian food, or something?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:11.16,0:18:13.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Not Norwegian. It's called 'smut'\N'cause it's a sooty, black thing,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:14.04,0:18:15.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,in its most primitive form.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:15.60,0:18:19.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Caviar? No. Really sooty,\Nand smutty, in that sense.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:20.28,0:18:22.04,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Bits of coal?\NNo. But a living thing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:22.32,0:18:24.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Fungi?\NA fungus, exactly. It's a fungus.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:24.84,0:18:27.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Like a little... Why did the mushroom\Ngo to the party?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:28.08,0:18:29.48,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,No! No!\NOh, not that joke.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:29.76,0:18:31.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Why did the mushroom\Ngo to the party, Alan?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:31.76,0:18:33.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause he was a fun guy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:33.60,0:18:35.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Lovely.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:35.68,0:18:37.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Lovely.\NWhat's wrong with that joke, then?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:38.28,0:18:41.92,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a joke\Nfor, like, an imbecile.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:42.12,0:18:44.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:44.76,0:18:50.12,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You know,\Nof, kind of, 0.7 years old.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:50.40,0:18:52.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What's brown, and sticky?\NOh, no...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:53.28,0:18:55.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,..I don't know. A stick. Yeah.\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:58.20,0:18:59.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm worried by the audience reaction\Nhere.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:00.12,0:19:01.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you call\Na boomerang that won't come back?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:02.20,0:19:04.36,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,A stick.\NA stick.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:04.68,0:19:06.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you have any other jokes\Nwhere the punchline's 'a stick'?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:06.84,0:19:08.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Loads.\NOh, right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:08.52,0:19:10.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What's orange,\Nand sounds like a parrot?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:10.56,0:19:12.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,A carrot.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:12.36,0:19:14.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:17.64,0:19:20.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What's red, and silly?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:20.64,0:19:22.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A blood clot.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:25.20,0:19:26.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, don't look at me like that!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:27.00,0:19:29.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You (BLEEP) pig-eyed sack of shit!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:31.80,0:19:33.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause, laughter)\NDon't you do that!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:33.96,0:19:36.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You've spoiled it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:36.76,0:19:39.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh! What's red,\Nand sits in the corner?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:39.36,0:19:41.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,A naughty strawberry.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:42.12,0:19:44.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Very good.\NRich: What's green, and sings?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:44.84,0:19:47.12,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Elvis Parsley.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:48.24,0:19:49.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the smuts.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:50.16,0:19:52.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Smut fungus - Ustilaginales,\Nor something similar -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:53.16,0:19:56.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,is found in Mexico. Particularly\Nwhere it's prized as a food.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:57.08,0:19:59.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,(Accented) Why did the mushroom\Ngo to the party?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:01.56,0:20:02.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He was a fun guy!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:05.04,0:20:07.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter and applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:08.16,0:20:10.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There we are. (Chuckles)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:10.68,0:20:13.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,How do you think the word 'smut'\Nis used to allude to pornography?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:14.16,0:20:17.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause it's dirty.\NWell, where does slut come from?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:17.64,0:20:20.08,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Essex.\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:23.88,0:20:26.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So there's a particular slut,\Nthe corn smut, which is edible.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:26.48,0:20:31.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And corn smut's been known to the\NAztecs for centuries as huitlacoche.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:31.56,0:20:33.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And there it is, a picture\Nof an engaging young corn smut,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:34.08,0:20:36.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which has grown a sort of berry,\Nwhich is the bit you eat.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:36.84,0:20:38.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There you are.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:38.76,0:20:42.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Try the magisterial Illustrated\NGenera of Smut Fungi by Kalman Vanky.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:42.84,0:20:44.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a hell of a book.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:44.28,0:20:46.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:46.68,0:20:50.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh, so, with that rather obscure\Npiece of information,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:50.76,0:20:52.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,let's plunge yet deeper\Ninto general ignorance.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:52.92,0:20:54.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Fingers on buzzers, please.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:54.48,0:20:56.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What contains the most caffeine -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:57.12,0:20:58.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A cup of tea or a cup of coffee?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:58.88,0:21:00.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Burp)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:00.36,0:21:01.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, tea.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:02.16,0:21:04.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Siren)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:04.44,0:21:07.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:07.56,0:21:08.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:08.76,0:21:11.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, about three times more\Ncaffeine in a cup of coffee
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:11.28,0:21:12.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,than a cup of tea.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:12.80,0:21:14.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Why did someone\Ntell me it was tea then?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:14.88,0:21:17.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, because weight for weight,\Na pound of tea leaves
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:17.88,0:21:20.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,contains more caffeine\Nthan a pound of coffee beans.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:20.52,0:21:21.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:22.08,0:21:24.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But in a cup of same, we get much\Nmore... As we know from drinking.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:24.96,0:21:26.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, it's kind of experience.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:26.64,0:21:28.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,People always say,\N"Oh, there's more caffeine in tea."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:28.44,0:21:29.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Drink it, you'll get that buzz.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:30.00,0:21:31.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But there's actually\Nmore caffeine in tea?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:31.44,0:21:34.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Weight for weight,\Nbut not in a cup of tea.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:35.16,0:21:37.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Not in a cup of tea.\NNo.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:37.18,0:21:38.94,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But there is more caffeine in tea.\NYep.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:39.22,0:21:41.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But not in a cup of tea,\Nwhich is the question.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:41.58,0:21:43.50,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But not in a cup of tea.\NNot in a cup.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:43.78,0:21:44.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is what you drink.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:45.30,0:21:47.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't tend to just eat\Ntea like that, in huge quantities.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:47.98,0:21:49.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You have a cup of tea,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:49.54,0:21:51.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which has a third as much caffeine\Nas a cup of coffee.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:51.86,0:21:53.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly. Quite right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:53.62,0:21:56.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the only ball game\Ninvented entirely in the USA?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:56.86,0:21:58.02,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Ball game?\NYeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:58.34,0:21:59.94,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They haven't invented\Nany ball games.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:00.22,0:22:02.58,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,We invented all ball games...\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:02.82,0:22:04.14,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,..here in England.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:04.38,0:22:05.58,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Baseball?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:05.86,0:22:08.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Siren blares)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:08.34,0:22:11.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:12.34,0:22:15.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No. As Alan rightly knows,\Nit is an English invention.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:15.34,0:22:17.06,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,No, the English\Ninvented that for you.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:17.26,0:22:19.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:19.66,0:22:21.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was mentioned by Jane Austen\Nin Northanger Abbey.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:21.90,0:22:23.58,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Rounders?\NRounders neither, I'm afraid.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:23.90,0:22:26.54,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Netball?\NNetball, yes. I'll give you netball.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:26.86,0:22:28.62,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Basketball.\NYou're right, Rich.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:28.86,0:22:30.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Fantastic. Well done.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:30.42,0:22:32.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:36.18,0:22:38.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Basketball and netball\Nwere invented by the same person.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:38.62,0:22:40.46,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Dr James Naismith.\NUniversity of Kansas.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:40.74,0:22:43.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, he was actually teaching\Nat Springfield, Massachusetts.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:43.66,0:22:45.54,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.\NYou got lots of points there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:45.82,0:22:48.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And he was, in fact, Canadian\Nbut he invented it in the USA. Yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:49.14,0:22:51.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,If you'd said lacrosse,\Nof course, that's also a ball game
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:52.06,0:22:54.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but it wasn't the United States of\NAmerica when that was invented so...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:54.94,0:22:57.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But there it is, basketball\Nspecifically invented...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:57.46,0:22:59.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The weird thing about it is,\Nyou used an old peach basket.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:59.86,0:23:01.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,For 21 years, they played the game
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:01.90,0:23:04.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,without putting a hole\Nin the bottom of the peach basket.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:04.86,0:23:07.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Someone had to get a step ladder\Nevery time there was a basket
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:07.42,0:23:08.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and take it out.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:08.94,0:23:10.86,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't play basketball\Nwith a peach.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:11.14,0:23:12.94,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,No, a peach basket.\NPeach basket, they used.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:13.22,0:23:16.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A basket for peaches.\NA peach wouldn't bounce.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:16.30,0:23:17.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:18.10,0:23:21.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, that's right.\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:21.58,0:23:23.42,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,As a short-arse,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:23.70,0:23:25.90,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I think there should be\Ndifferent divisions for basketball,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:26.14,0:23:27.38,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,different height divisions.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:27.58,0:23:29.22,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause, obviously, if you're 7'4",
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:29.50,0:23:31.22,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,you've got an advantage\Nover somebody like me.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:31.50,0:23:36.26,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, you don't put little boxers,\Nlike Prince Naseem Hamed,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:36.46,0:23:37.94,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,in against Mike Tyson.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:38.26,0:23:39.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, I'd like to see that,\NI have to say.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:40.30,0:23:43.46,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I think there should be\Nseveral baskets you can aim for.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:43.66,0:23:44.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:45.22,0:23:47.34,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,A really high basket for 10 points
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:47.62,0:23:49.54,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and then a lower basket\Nand then one on the floor.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:49.78,0:23:51.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:51.34,0:23:53.02,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Did they invent netball\Nas well then?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:53.30,0:23:56.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What happened was, a woman\Nfrom Louisiana wrote to Naismith
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:56.74,0:23:59.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and said, "Uh..."\NWe've got quite a girly version.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:59.86,0:24:02.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the stories is she actually\Nmisinterpreted the rules
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:02.74,0:24:05.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause he laid out the dimensions\Nof the basketball court
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:05.94,0:24:07.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and she thought,\Ngiven the various areas,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:07.50,0:24:09.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,she thought the players\Nhad to stay within those areas,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:09.58,0:24:11.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which, I believe,\Nis one of the things about netball.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:11.70,0:24:13.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't travel.\NYou can't dribble in netball.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:13.42,0:24:15.06,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Once you've got the ball,\Nyou've got to stand still.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:15.34,0:24:16.94,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't as hard\Nas the basketball we played
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:17.22,0:24:20.50,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause we would nail the basket\Nto a truck, the side of a truck.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:20.74,0:24:23.54,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,The game went on for miles.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:23.74,0:24:25.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:25.62,0:24:27.90,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Can I just say that, that little kid\Nwith the purple shirt
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:28.10,0:24:29.42,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,is really beginning to annoy me?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:29.70,0:24:31.82,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Will you sit still?\NLook, it's... Sit down!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:32.02,0:24:34.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:35.10,0:24:38.30,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,This is very old footage because...\NThere are white people.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:38.62,0:24:41.50,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:41.74,0:24:43.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oddly enough, though,\Nvolleyball was invented
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:43.66,0:24:45.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,in exactly the same college\Nin Springfield, Massachusetts
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:45.82,0:24:47.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,as netball and basketball.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:47.34,0:24:48.74,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,This guy's number is zero.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:49.06,0:24:52.38,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no confidence at all in him,\Nis there?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:52.62,0:24:54.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:54.58,0:24:56.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway, I think we've seen enough\Nof that looped game.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:56.50,0:24:57.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's going to drive us all nuts.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:57.94,0:25:00.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what were Nelson's last words?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:00.94,0:25:03.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Burp)\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:04.18,0:25:06.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The last words of someone\Nwho sucked at Nelson's body.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:06.82,0:25:08.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:08.74,0:25:10.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes?\NThat's my answer.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:10.30,0:25:11.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's your answer.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:11.86,0:25:15.02,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"Kismet Hardy". But did he say,\N"Kiss me, Hardy"?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:15.34,0:25:16.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Siren blares)\NOh, dear.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:16.74,0:25:18.62,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, whatever it is, it's rubbish.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:18.82,0:25:20.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not "kismet"\Nand it's not "kiss me".
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:20.86,0:25:22.58,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'll race you\Nto the bottle of brandy."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:22.78,0:25:25.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:25.30,0:25:27.30,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,"Last one in's a kipper."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:27.58,0:25:29.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Hardy kissed the admiral twice\Napparently -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:29.74,0:25:31.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Once on the cheek\Nand once on the forehead -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:31.54,0:25:33.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,when Nelson was struggling\Nto remain conscious.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:33.82,0:25:35.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He then said,\N"God, I've done my duty,"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:35.50,0:25:37.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and then he said -\Nit is rather peculiar -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:38.14,0:25:41.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'Drink, drink, fan, fan, rub, rub."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:41.94,0:25:43.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Those were his last words.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:43.38,0:25:45.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He was thirsty, he was hot...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:45.34,0:25:48.02,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That was navy lingo for,\N"Give us a quick hand job."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:48.22,0:25:49.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:49.78,0:25:53.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Those were... According to the\Nreliable witnesses at the scene,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:53.38,0:25:54.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,they were all agreed those were...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:54.94,0:25:56.66,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Why don't you ever hear that\Nat school then?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:56.90,0:25:59.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the famous lines that he said\Nare, "Thank God. I've done my duty,"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:59.74,0:26:02.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and "Kiss me, Hardy," but,\N"Drink, drink, fan, fan, rub, rub"...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:02.82,0:26:04.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what's wrong with schools.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:05.02,0:26:07.46,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Final words are not to do\Nwith how interesting they are.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:07.78,0:26:09.42,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,They've got to do with\Nwhat people actually said.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:09.70,0:26:11.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Myths build up, I'm afraid.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:11.74,0:26:13.50,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Did he say "kiss me," or "kismet"?\N"Kiss me."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:13.78,0:26:15.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's almost universally agreed\Nhe said, "Kiss me".
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:15.42,0:26:17.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The kismet idea is nonsense.\NRubbish.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:17.38,0:26:19.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. He was hot and thirsty.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:19.22,0:26:20.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So he had his steward standing by
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:20.86,0:26:24.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to fan him and feed him\Nlemonade and water and wine,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:24.58,0:26:27.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,while the ship's captain Dr Scott\Nmassaged his chest to ease the pain.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:27.70,0:26:30.74,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,If you were to go in a time machine,\Nwould you go there?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:31.02,0:26:34.02,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, people always say, "Oh,\NI'd go here, there and everywhere,"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:34.22,0:26:35.54,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but you wouldn't go back.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:35.74,0:26:37.10,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd go back and see myself.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:37.42,0:26:38.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, that would be fascinating.\NSo would I.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:39.22,0:26:41.34,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I would go back...\NI had a rolled up ball of socks
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:41.62,0:26:43.58,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and a hamper\Nall the way across the room.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:43.78,0:26:45.06,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And I just went like that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:46.18,0:26:48.74,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Hits the wall, bounces off\Nthe ceiling, off this wall,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:49.02,0:26:51.06,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,back across that wall,\Nright into the hamper.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:51.34,0:26:53.10,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,From, like, 40 feet away.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:53.38,0:26:55.42,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I would go back\Nand watch that again.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:55.66,0:26:59.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter and applause)\NBrilliant.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:59.26,0:27:00.86,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It was fantastic.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:02.42,0:27:04.90,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope that when you die, they\Nplay back something from your life.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:05.18,0:27:07.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, yeah.\NThose moments. And no-one saw it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:07.94,0:27:10.46,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Stonehenge, the erection of.\NI'd go back there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:10.74,0:27:12.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.\N"Ooh, well done."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:12.46,0:27:14.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:14.50,0:27:16.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,If you'd just waited\Na few thousand years...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:16.78,0:27:18.54,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Go back with a power drill\Nand a JCB.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:18.78,0:27:20.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:21.86,0:27:23.54,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Become worshipped as a god.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:23.82,0:27:25.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:27.54,0:27:30.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And we've come to the end of the\Nround, the end of the competition.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:30.46,0:27:32.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,My last words are not\N"drink, drink, fan, fan, rub, rub"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:32.74,0:27:33.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,or anything close to it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:34.18,0:27:35.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They are l'addition, s'il vous plait.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:35.74,0:27:37.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's see how the scores are.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:37.46,0:27:39.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And rather meagre rations\Nthey are too, I'm sorry to say.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:40.06,0:27:42.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Rich scored\Na lightly battered five points.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:43.14,0:27:45.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is very good.\NPuts you in the lead.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:45.30,0:27:46.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:47.02,0:27:50.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Fred is next\Non a gently poached four points.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:50.50,0:27:53.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:53.38,0:27:56.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Jo managed a reheated -8 points.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:56.98,0:28:00.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:00.34,0:28:05.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Alan, once again, it's the kebab van\Nfor you, I'm afraid, with -19 points!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:05.50,0:28:07.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheering and applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:12.46,0:28:14.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, that's all for this week.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:14.90,0:28:16.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I leave you with the thought that
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:16.50,0:28:18.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,while most of us drink\Nat the fountain of wisdom,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:18.38,0:28:19.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,others merely gargle.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:19.94,0:28:23.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,From Rich, Fred, Jo, Alan and me,\Nit's goodnight. Goodnight.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:23.26,0:28:25.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:25.30,0:28:28.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Closed Captions by CSI