QI (2003–…): Season 2, Episode 9 - Bats - full transcript

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[Events]
Format: Marked, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:06.86,0:00:08.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,# Theme music
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:24.14,0:00:26.10,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:31.10,0:00:34.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, hello, hello, hello.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:35.14,0:00:39.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And welcome to another glamour-filled\NQI night of a thousand stars.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:39.62,0:00:42.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Spread-eagled\Non my casting couch are...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:42.38,0:00:44.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Josie Lawrence...\N(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:45.34,0:00:52.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,the stunning Johnny Sessions,\Nthe gorgeous pouting Rich Hall,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:52.94,0:00:54.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and Alan Davies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:57.22,0:01:01.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, let's see you toy\Nwith your globes, girls.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:01.70,0:01:03.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, see if anyone rings my bell.\NRich.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:03.86,0:01:06.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:06.50,0:01:08.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Johnny.\N(Higher-pitched bell)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:08.94,0:01:10.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Josie.\N(Higher-pitched bell)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:10.94,0:01:12.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And Alan.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:12.50,0:01:13.98,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,(Breathy male voice) Well, hello.\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:14.18,0:01:15.42,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Ding dong.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:15.62,0:01:18.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, there we are. Very nice.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:19.22,0:01:24.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And so, to question one.\NWhat eat clothes?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:24.38,0:01:26.86,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Ding dong.\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:27.14,0:01:29.58,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know.\NI just wanted to do that. (Laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:29.90,0:01:31.70,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,What eats clothes? Yeah.\NMoths eat clothes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:31.98,0:01:33.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Moths?\NYes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:33.50,0:01:36.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Siren)\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:36.74,0:01:38.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, no they don't.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:38.30,0:01:39.58,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They make holes in them, though,\Ndon't they?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:39.82,0:01:41.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Not moths, no. Their larva.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:42.10,0:01:44.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Their little caterpillars do,\Nbut not the moths.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:44.70,0:01:46.98,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,See? You see?\N(Bell)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:47.30,0:01:49.66,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Larva.\N(Laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:49.94,0:01:52.42,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,So, by the time you see a moth,\Nit's... It never eats...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:52.70,0:01:54.06,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,BOTH: Too late.\NAnd you very rarely do.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:54.38,0:01:56.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They're only a quarter of an inch\Nlong, the actual moths.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:57.14,0:01:59.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Supposedly there are fewer of them\Ndue to synthetic materials,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:59.54,0:02:01.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which they don't eat,\Nand dry-cleaning.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:01.30,0:02:04.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,If you dry-clean something, it works\Nas well as a mothball. Really?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:04.58,0:02:06.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That camphor and naphthalene smell.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:06.62,0:02:08.34,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think I've ever smelt one.\NHave you not?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:08.62,0:02:10.50,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Too young. It's horrible.\NIt's like a dead body.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:10.82,0:02:13.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A mothball in this hand, a mothball\Nin that hand - what have I got?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:13.54,0:02:15.82,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Two mothballs.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:16.10,0:02:17.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A rather excited moth.\NOh, right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:18.02,0:02:19.30,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:20.90,0:02:22.74,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Sorry, I thought\Nyou were literally asking.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:22.94,0:02:24.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No. It's alright.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:24.50,0:02:26.34,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never smelt a dead body either.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:26.58,0:02:28.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, I haven't.\NI've never seen a dead body.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:28.46,0:02:30.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They say a policeman thinks\Nonce you've smelt death
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:30.74,0:02:32.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it's just...\Nit never gets out of your nostrils.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:32.54,0:02:34.22,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,But, I'll tell you something\Nquite interesting. Yeah?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:34.50,0:02:36.66,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It's that...\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:36.90,0:02:40.90,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Leopards eat rotting flesh.\NThey don't mind it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:41.18,0:02:44.14,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Cheetahs will only eat fresh.\NOh, really?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:44.50,0:02:46.78,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They eat when they've killed,\Nthere and then,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:47.02,0:02:48.34,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and they eat as quickly as they can.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:48.66,0:02:50.58,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Otherwise a lion\Nwill come over and have it off them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:50.86,0:02:54.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Hmm. But a leopard\Nwill drag something up into a tree.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:54.38,0:02:57.06,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and leave it there days on end,\Ngo back, have a bit more.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:57.38,0:02:59.98,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if it's green and maggoty...\NOh! Don't care.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:00.22,0:03:01.50,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a new theory
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:01.78,0:03:03.18,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,about Tyrannosaurus rex\Nbeing a scavenger -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:03.42,0:03:07.14,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,not in fact going and attacking\Nbig hairy-arsed monsters,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:07.38,0:03:09.66,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,but waiting until they were daed\Nand rotting, like an old Stilton,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:09.94,0:03:11.34,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and then eating them.\NYeah, yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:11.54,0:03:14.02,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,In Jurassic Park 2,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:14.30,0:03:17.62,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,a Tyrannosaurus rex eats a man\Nwho's sitting on the loo.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:17.82,0:03:19.18,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,That's right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:19.46,0:03:20.74,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you think that's inaccurate,\Nthen?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:21.02,0:03:22.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What it is, is... Yeah?\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:24.10,0:03:26.74,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,But he's an accountant.\NHe's an accountant.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:27.02,0:03:28.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, there you are. Yes.\NMoths don't eat clothes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:28.94,0:03:30.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Their larva do, their caterpillars.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:30.58,0:03:33.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway, um...\NNext question is - why butterflies?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:34.82,0:03:37.58,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Wow, that's a short question.\NIsn't it? Two words.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:37.90,0:03:39.38,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you mean\Nwhy are they called that?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:39.62,0:03:40.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't actually mean that, no.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:41.14,0:03:42.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It means why do they...\Nwho do they exist?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:42.98,0:03:44.66,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Why are they?\NYeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:44.90,0:03:49.14,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I think it's evil to put a food\Nin front of any bug,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:49.34,0:03:50.74,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,to name like it a butterfly,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:51.02,0:03:52.74,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause I would eat butterflies\Nwhen I was a kid,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:53.06,0:03:54.42,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,because I thought they had butter\Nin 'em.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:54.74,0:03:56.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ohhh.\NAnd honey bees.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:56.94,0:04:00.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There are two theories as to why...\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:00.26,0:04:01.50,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And a hamster.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:01.70,0:04:02.98,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh, applaud)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:07.46,0:04:10.06,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause, you know, you're four years\Nold - you don't know better.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:11.18,0:04:12.58,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And we were poor.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:13.90,0:04:17.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, there are two theories\Nas to why they're called butterflies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:17.90,0:04:21.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,One is that it's from a Dutch word\Nwhich means 'excretes butter' -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:22.02,0:04:23.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,there was this theory\Nthat they actually shat butter.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:24.02,0:04:25.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Early on.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:25.58,0:04:27.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And the other\Nis that it's from Anglo-Saxon -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:27.70,0:04:29.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that the most common butterflies\Nin England
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:29.78,0:04:30.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,when the Anglo-Saxons\Ninvaded Britain,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:31.22,0:04:32.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,were yellow\Nand were butter-coloured -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:32.90,0:04:34.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it's as boring as that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:34.46,0:04:35.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But, no, the reason they exist...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:35.98,0:04:39.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They're quite a late addition, as it\Nwere, to the family of creatures.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:40.14,0:04:43.42,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They...when\Ndo they start, then, butterflies?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:43.70,0:04:45.46,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They were around when I was a kid.\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:45.74,0:04:49.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes. For a hundred million years\Nbefore butterflies evolved,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:49.54,0:04:50.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,moths had been around,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:51.14,0:04:53.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's generally believed\Nthat butterflies
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:53.70,0:04:55.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,were kind of an evolution from moths,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:55.34,0:04:57.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,because moths have\None big disadvantage.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:57.50,0:04:59.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What is it about moths\Nthat's different from butterflies...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:59.78,0:05:01.66,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Night - they go around at the night,\Nin the night.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:01.94,0:05:03.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, and they get eaten a lot.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:03.38,0:05:05.18,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Butterflies go in the day.\NYeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:05.50,0:05:09.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And the moths have been eaten a lot\Nby bats. By bats.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:10.10,0:05:13.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And so, the idea was,\Nthat the butterflies...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:13.78,0:05:15.58,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a bat.\NYeah. There's a bat.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:15.78,0:05:17.06,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Seen a moth there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:17.30,0:05:18.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah...\NWell, not seeing, but hearing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:19.22,0:05:20.98,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,So, it's heard a moth? Yeah.\NSensed a moth.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:21.18,0:05:22.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Sensed a moth. Exactly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:24.38,0:05:27.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The precision of their echolocation\Nis remarkable.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:27.50,0:05:30.78,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,If you put cotton wool in their\Nears, they are useless, aren't they?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:31.06,0:05:32.58,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,They bounce off the wall like...\NCanadian squash balls.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:32.86,0:05:35.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,This is how it was discovered.\NIt was actually in the 18th century.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:36.02,0:05:38.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A French scientist put cotton wool\Nin the ears of bats,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:39.14,0:05:40.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and reali...\Nand saw that they were...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:40.70,0:05:43.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And so he posited the idea\Nthat they had this extra sense.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:44.18,0:05:46.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And then it was pooh-poohed, and\Nfor 150 years it wasn't reconsidered,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:46.82,0:05:48.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and we now know\Nthat he was absolutely right -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:48.62,0:05:52.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that they send out these signals\Nthat bounce back, exactly like sonar,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:52.46,0:05:53.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,only much more effective than sonar.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:54.02,0:05:56.30,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why they never bump into you\Nas well at night. That's right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:56.54,0:05:58.30,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,People get scared of bats,\Nand they go like that,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:58.58,0:06:00.10,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but they'd never ever bump\Ninto you - they'd always...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:00.38,0:06:02.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I saw David Attenborough\Nbeing interviewed, in which he said,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:02.78,0:06:05.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,he once did a piece to camera\Nfor Life On Earth or something,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:05.42,0:06:07.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,about bats, saying one thing\Nthat's never true about bats
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:07.46,0:06:08.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,is you never get them\Ncaught in your hair.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:09.26,0:06:11.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's never true.\NThey have such accur...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:11.74,0:06:13.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Bats immediately flew into his head\Nwhile he was...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:13.70,0:06:15.90,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Stephen, can I tell you something\Nabout David Attenborough... Go on.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:16.22,0:06:17.54,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,..'cause he is my god.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:17.86,0:06:21.06,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Ages ago, they're doing a column\Nin one of the papers -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:21.30,0:06:22.98,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,who would you most like to be like?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:23.18,0:06:25.38,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And, so I said David Attenborough -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:25.70,0:06:27.74,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I love the career he's had,\NI love his wisdom,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:27.98,0:06:29.50,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I love his sense of adventure.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:29.78,0:06:31.78,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And a couple of weeks later,\Nthe article came out.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:32.06,0:06:34.66,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It was actually - who would\Nyou most like to look like?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:34.86,0:06:36.10,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:36.50,0:06:39.26,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So, there's a lovely picture of me\Nnext to David,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:39.50,0:06:42.54,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and then like Victoria Wilcox\Nnext to Audrey Hepburn.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:46.46,0:06:48.10,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,..to go from David Attenborough\Nto Richard Attenborough.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:48.38,0:06:50.94,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,And when he was directing\Nthe great Ben Kingsley in Gandhi.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:51.22,0:06:52.94,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You probably know there were,\NI think, maybe a million,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:53.18,0:06:56.66,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,possibly even two million, extras,\Nduring Gandhi's funeral,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:56.90,0:06:59.90,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and the first assistant, the very\Nfamous, undoubtable, David Tomblin
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:00.14,0:07:02.34,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,was told by Sir Dicky Attenborough\Nto instruct the crowd
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:02.54,0:07:03.98,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,as to how they may react.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:04.22,0:07:06.34,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said to David Tomblin,\Nhe said,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:06.62,0:07:09.78,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,'I want you to convey to them,\NDavid, that Gandhi has died,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:10.10,0:07:12.82,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's an extraordinary event,\Ndarling -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:13.10,0:07:16.98,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,extraordinary event in the\Nwhole history of India, darling -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:17.26,0:07:21.34,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,that Gandhi has gone - their god,\Ntheir national hero, is gone.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:21.62,0:07:24.10,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,So David Tomblin\Nturned to the crowd and he said,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:24.38,0:07:28.78,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,'Right, listen up. Gandhi's dead\Nand you're all (Bleep) sad.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:29.02,0:07:31.78,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:32.02,0:07:33.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Excellent.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:35.18,0:07:36.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Very good.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:36.86,0:07:38.62,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't have an anecdote,\Nbut I have a joke.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:38.90,0:07:40.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Go on.\NThey're much better.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:40.34,0:07:41.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We're open to jokes too.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:41.86,0:07:44.82,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Two vampire bats in a cave,\Nflying around and...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:45.10,0:07:47.02,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, they like blood.\NHaven't had any in a while.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:47.26,0:07:48.78,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,One of 'em goes out on a recon.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:49.06,0:07:51.22,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Comes back.\NFace just covered in blood.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:51.50,0:07:52.74,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The other bat's beside himself,\Nand says,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:53.02,0:07:54.18,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'Wow. What happened?'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:54.50,0:07:57.18,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And he points to this village.\NThe bat, well he flaps to it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:57.50,0:07:59.38,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'See that village over there?'\Nand the other bat says, 'Yeah.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:59.66,0:08:00.90,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'See that steeple?'\N'Yeah.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:01.10,0:08:02.34,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'I didn't.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:02.54,0:08:03.82,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:05.54,0:08:08.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, moths have to devise strategies\Nto beat the bat.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:08.90,0:08:10.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And some have evolved\Nto hear the bats -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:10.66,0:08:11.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,echolocation, screeching,\Nwhich humans can't hear.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:12.10,0:08:13.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,As you know, it's very high.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:13.58,0:08:15.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And other ones\Ndecided to live during the day,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:15.34,0:08:16.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and they became butterflies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:16.86,0:08:18.46,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, moths are alright at night -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:18.74,0:08:22.98,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,they like being in the dark, they\Nlike living in clothes in cupboards.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:23.18,0:08:24.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:24.74,0:08:28.26,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what is this thing\Nthey have about candles and...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:28.46,0:08:29.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Isn't it mad?\NI agree with you that...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:30.14,0:08:31.42,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,The light in the porch.\NMad for that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:31.70,0:08:34.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There you are - you're a nocturnal\Nanimal, you're attracted to light.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:35.10,0:08:37.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, then, get up in the morning.\NYou'll have lots of it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:38.54,0:08:42.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Another question. Compared to bats,\Ndo owls ring any bells?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:44.02,0:08:45.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:45.98,0:08:47.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Josie's ringing a bell.\NYes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:47.74,0:08:49.98,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it's like what we've\Njust been talking about, I think.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:50.18,0:08:51.66,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's something to do with sonar.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:51.98,0:08:54.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, you're absolutely right.\NWhy not have a point? Oh, thank you.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:55.10,0:08:56.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,When it was first...\NThey first tried to experiment
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:57.26,0:09:00.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,with how bats could see so well\Nin the dark,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:00.62,0:09:04.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,they put owls and bats\Nin a very, very dark room,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:04.78,0:09:06.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,with some bells hung from ropes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:06.74,0:09:08.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And if it was slightly low light,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:08.90,0:09:11.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,the owls could see well enough\Nto avoid the ropes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:11.54,0:09:13.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But if it was pitch black,\Nthey would fly into the ropes,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:13.82,0:09:15.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,because they couldn't see them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:15.38,0:09:17.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Whereas the bats, if it was\Npitch black, just flew around,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:17.54,0:09:18.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and didn't ring any bells.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:19.10,0:09:21.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And so,\Nthat's how it was first seen
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:21.58,0:09:24.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that bats could manoeuvre in the dark\Nwithout bumping into anything.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:25.18,0:09:27.54,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So the flatter an owl's face,\Nthe bigger a bell it's run into.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:27.86,0:09:30.42,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.\NYes, probably. Exactly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:30.74,0:09:32.70,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why it's called an owl. OW!\NThey are...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:32.90,0:09:34.18,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:35.30,0:09:38.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I have an AGA. Um, yes,\NI know I should be shot, but I do.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:38.78,0:09:41.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And it kept going out. Oh, I got\Nthe AGA person to come down...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:41.54,0:09:42.90,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,What, down the shops, or...\NNo.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:43.10,0:09:44.38,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:46.78,0:09:49.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It kept... Imagine you're out\Nshopping, and you see your AGA.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:50.66,0:09:52.98,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,You rush over, and just as you\Nget there, it's not there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:53.22,0:09:54.46,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and you keep losing it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:54.70,0:09:55.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And so the AGA man kept coming,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:56.22,0:09:57.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and he kept saying,\N'It's perfectly fine.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:57.98,0:09:59.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And it kept going out again.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:59.54,0:10:01.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So eventually he said, 'I've got to\Nstay overnight,' he said.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:01.90,0:10:03.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,This wasn't... Come on...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:03.38,0:10:04.78,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:05.06,0:10:07.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause he would come during the day,\Nlight it - it was perfect.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:07.58,0:10:09.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,In the morning I'd ring him up\Nand say, 'It's gone out overnight,'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:10.10,0:10:11.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and he couldn't work it out.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:11.66,0:10:13.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What it turned out was,\Nit was an owl -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:13.50,0:10:15.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,would roost on the top\Nof the cowling of the flue,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:16.10,0:10:18.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause it liked the warm air up it\Nor whatever.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:18.50,0:10:21.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And it would cover itself over it,\Nand it would block it out.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:22.22,0:10:23.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And stop it,\Nso there is a safety device.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:24.18,0:10:25.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,If you block the chicken...\NThe chicken...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:26.14,0:10:27.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,If you block the...\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:27.74,0:10:30.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..the chimney, the chimney of an AGA,\Nit goes out.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:30.50,0:10:32.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway, that's my owl-AGA story.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:33.10,0:10:34.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't worth telling.\NI'm pissed. Never mind.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:35.06,0:10:36.82,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs, applauds)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:41.78,0:10:45.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So there we are. Ringing the bells.\NOur next question. What is batology?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:46.58,0:10:48.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Batology. There's the word\Non your screen. What is it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:48.74,0:10:51.78,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It is NOT the study of bats.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:52.06,0:10:53.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Correct.\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:53.58,0:10:56.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You've saved yourself a big forfeit.\NWell done.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:56.30,0:10:58.14,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:58.38,0:11:00.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There you are.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:00.46,0:11:02.38,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you give us a clue,\Nor is that not allowed?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:02.66,0:11:06.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's fruit. Batology is the study\Nof a particular fruit.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:06.38,0:11:08.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A fruit that has two words for it\Nin English,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:08.38,0:11:10.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,both of which begin with B.\NBanana...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:10.34,0:11:11.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a native to Britain.\N(Gasps)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:12.26,0:11:15.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And you can either call it\Na bu or a bu.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:15.26,0:11:16.66,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Apple...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:16.90,0:11:18.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyone in the audience?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:18.42,0:11:19.66,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Blum...\NWOMAN: Bramble or blackberry.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:19.94,0:11:21.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Bramble or blackberry.\NThe audience is well up there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:22.22,0:11:24.42,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Blackberries. The study\Nof blackberries. Very good.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:24.70,0:11:26.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well done.\NYou may say it's not worth studying,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:27.26,0:11:28.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but there are over 1000\Ndifferent species of bramble.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:29.06,0:11:30.30,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,No, there aren't.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:30.62,0:11:32.50,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:32.78,0:11:35.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The study of bats\Nis actually chiropterology.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:35.42,0:11:37.30,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Alan, ther's a plot for you here,\Nmate,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:37.58,0:11:38.82,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,in your Jonathan Creek...\NOh, yeah?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:39.10,0:11:41.50,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You've got an old lady, come in,\Nshe's been picking blackberries,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:41.78,0:11:44.26,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,someone's been killed\Nin the village, stabbed,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:44.54,0:11:47.62,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and you go, 'She might be\Na batologist' - just a thought.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:47.86,0:11:49.14,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:50.18,0:11:52.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, now, what is batophobia?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:52.66,0:11:55.38,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Fear of blackberries.\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:55.58,0:11:56.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Siren)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:57.02,0:11:58.86,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:00.26,0:12:05.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, dear. I'm sorry.\NYou ought to be right. Ought to be...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:05.50,0:12:08.58,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And surely no-one's ever had\Nfear of blackberries.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:08.90,0:12:10.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Quite. Exactly. So, it isn't.\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:10.58,0:12:11.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, a batophobe is actually...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:12.14,0:12:13.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a fear of being close\Nto tall buildings.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:14.18,0:12:17.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Panic attacks. Irregular heartbeat.\NSweating. Nausea.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:17.78,0:12:19.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And an overall feeling of dread.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:20.90,0:12:22.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got it.\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:23.18,0:12:25.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Other phobias like that are\Nbathophobia, the fear of depths.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:26.18,0:12:28.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Alan. Um...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:28.70,0:12:30.18,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:30.46,0:12:33.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The fear of profundancy of any kind.\NNo, uh...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:33.38,0:12:37.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What is battology?\NBattology spelt thus...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:37.30,0:12:39.22,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Batteries. The study of batteries.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:39.50,0:12:41.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, it's not that. Nice thought.\NIt is.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:42.02,0:12:43.98,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:44.26,0:12:47.26,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no other word in English\Nwith B-A-T-T at the beginning...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:47.54,0:12:49.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'Battle'?\N'Battle' is the other one.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:49.46,0:12:51.10,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:51.38,0:12:53.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'Batter'?\N'Batter' is another one.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:55.22,0:12:59.50,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'Batten' - batten down the hatches -\Nis another one.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:59.78,0:13:01.06,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Apart from those three...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:01.34,0:13:03.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It reminds me of the story of someone\Nwho was saying that 'sugar'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:03.98,0:13:05.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,is the only English word\Nthat begins with S-U,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:05.66,0:13:06.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but where the S is pronounced 'sh'.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:07.26,0:13:08.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And someone called out,\N'Are you sure?'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:08.66,0:13:10.62,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:10.90,0:13:15.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Battology means pointlessly repeating\Nthe same thing over and over again.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:15.38,0:13:16.62,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, my god.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:16.94,0:13:19.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Battology means pointlessly repeating\Nthe same thing over and over again.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:19.82,0:13:21.06,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people do that, don't they?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:21.38,0:13:23.58,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got a friend\Nwho always repeats himself.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:23.90,0:13:26.46,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,His name's Dave,\Nand we call him Dave Javoo.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:26.70,0:13:29.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh! Very good.\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:29.54,0:13:31.26,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Is Dave aware he does it.\NIs he total...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:31.46,0:13:33.58,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, 'cause people said to him,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:33.86,0:13:36.22,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'You say everything twice.\NThat's why we call you Dave Javoo.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:36.46,0:13:37.74,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:37.98,0:13:40.26,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'I say everything twice.\NI say everything twice, like.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:40.46,0:13:41.74,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:42.02,0:13:44.94,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'They call me Dave Javoo.\NThey call me Dave Javoo.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:45.18,0:13:46.38,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:46.70,0:13:49.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We're moving on to births,\Nbut first Swedish girls.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:50.18,0:13:54.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What happened to every eight-year-old\NSwedish girl in the year 1994?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:54.78,0:13:57.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)\NYoung Rich.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:57.50,0:14:02.46,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,From what I understand, there were\Nno eight-year-old girls in 1994,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:02.74,0:14:08.46,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,because in 1986 every child\Nborn in Sweden was a boy,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:08.66,0:14:09.90,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,just purely by...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:10.10,0:14:11.98,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:12.26,0:14:14.82,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Pure law of averages.\NA genealogical freak.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:15.14,0:14:16.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, no, let me give you the answer,\Nwhich is
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:17.18,0:14:19.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that they had\Ntheir ninth birthdays...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:19.78,0:14:21.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,If we believe the official\Nstatistics, alright,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:22.06,0:14:27.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,there were exactly 112,521\Neight-year-old girls in Sweden
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:27.26,0:14:28.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,on 1st January 1994,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:29.18,0:14:31.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and there was exactly the same number\Nof nine-year-olds
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:31.70,0:14:33.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,on 1st January 1995.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:33.66,0:14:38.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is unique in statistics,\Nbecause none died, none emigrated -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:38.30,0:14:41.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,precisely the same number\Nsurvive a whole year.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:41.02,0:14:43.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But in Britain in 1994,\Nyou might be interested to know,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:43.54,0:14:45.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,there were an astonishing\Nrange of accidents
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:46.30,0:14:49.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,reported by the Trade and Industry's\NConsumer Safety Unit
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:50.26,0:14:53.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Home Accident Surveillance System\Nreport.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:53.98,0:14:56.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Eight people in the UK in '94\Nwere injured by placemats.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:57.10,0:14:58.38,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:58.66,0:15:00.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Thirteen sustained cruet injuries.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:02.14,0:15:04.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Five were wounded by dustpans.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:04.90,0:15:06.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Eight suffered\Nas a result of a breadbin accident.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:07.90,0:15:09.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Five were hurt by sieves.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:10.54,0:15:13.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,14 fell foul\Nof a serving trolley.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:13.54,0:15:16.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,17 were treated for injuries caused\Nby a draught excluder.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:17.98,0:15:20.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,476 people were injured\Nwhile on the lavatory.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:22.18,0:15:24.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There you are.\NUnderwear hurt 11 people.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:25.38,0:15:27.66,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,How many of those people were drunk?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:28.78,0:15:30.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, exactly -\Nthat's a very interesting point.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:30.98,0:15:32.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, how many of them were\Nsexually experimentative, as it were?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:33.26,0:15:36.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You know - you go to the doctor -\N'I was just sitting down in the nude,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:36.82,0:15:38.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and this cruet\Nhappened to get stuck...'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:39.70,0:15:43.62,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why in the hospital\Nthey use acronyms for...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:43.94,0:15:46.98,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, like GOMER, which is\N'get out of my emergency room'.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:47.26,0:15:50.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, really? Or SARA, which is\Nsexual activity-related accident.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:50.38,0:15:51.66,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called SARA.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:51.94,0:15:53.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There's an acronym they have\Nin my part of the world,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:54.22,0:15:57.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which doctors apparently put\Non patient notes, which is NFN -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:57.90,0:16:00.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which stands for\N'normal for Norfolk'. Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:00.58,0:16:01.86,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:05.02,0:16:06.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,On the positive side of 1994,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:07.10,0:16:11.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,tea-cosy damage was down\Nfrom 3 in '93, to nil,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:12.06,0:16:14.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,so we cleared up the menace\Nof tea-cosy damage.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:15.70,0:16:17.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Who knows? Who knows?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:17.34,0:16:19.14,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,People don't use them very often,\Ndo they, nowadays?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:19.38,0:16:20.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, because they're so dangerous.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:20.86,0:16:22.26,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Lethal.\NLethal!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:23.50,0:16:26.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, what was the biggest\Ntourist attraction in Canada
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:26.98,0:16:29.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,between 1934 and 1943?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:30.02,0:16:31.26,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,(Ding dong.)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:31.54,0:16:34.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, beaten to the buzzer\Nby Leslie Davies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:35.70,0:16:37.10,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Niagara Falls.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:37.42,0:16:39.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.\N(Siren)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:39.82,0:16:42.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, no, no. No, no, no.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:42.34,0:16:43.86,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Canada's a relatively young country.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:44.14,0:16:46.50,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm not sure how much of it\Nthere was at that time.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:46.74,0:16:48.42,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Was it finished by the '30s?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:49.54,0:16:51.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,As it were, I think more or less,\Nyes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:51.54,0:16:53.54,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause Alberta's only about\N80 years old.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:53.86,0:16:55.50,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I know, I know the story, I know it.\NYes?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:55.78,0:16:58.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)\N(Laughs) Yes?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:58.74,0:17:00.66,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a really sad story, actually...\NYes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:00.94,0:17:03.90,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,..and didn't they have sextuplets\Nor octuplets...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:04.26,0:17:05.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Quins, in fact.\NQu...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:05.74,0:17:07.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Quintuplets. Quintuplets.\NYou're absolutely right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:07.66,0:17:10.02,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And everyone came to see them.\NThere they are.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:10.30,0:17:11.94,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And they were taken away\Nfrom their parents
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:12.26,0:17:14.66,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and made to live in a house\Nacross the road. Exactly right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:14.98,0:17:17.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly right. It was the Dionnes,\Nthey were known as.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:18.18,0:17:20.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There were these five girls\Nwho were born from a single egg,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:20.70,0:17:22.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to a rather poor family,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:22.50,0:17:24.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and the father started talking about\Nexhibiting them himself,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:24.66,0:17:25.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,because they were very famous.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:26.22,0:17:28.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,In those days before\Nall kinds of fertility treatments,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:28.38,0:17:30.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it was much rarer to have\Nthese kinds of multiple births.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:30.82,0:17:33.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, the government took over\Nand put them in a hospital,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:33.70,0:17:35.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and then slowly the hospital\Nstarted to admit people,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:36.22,0:17:38.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and it became the single\Nbiggest attraction in Canada.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:38.86,0:17:43.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But, after nine years, the parents\Nsuccessfully got their girls back,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:43.66,0:17:45.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but at the age of 18 they all left.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:45.58,0:17:49.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Two are still alive, and in '98, Mike\NHarris, who was the Prime Minister,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:49.42,0:17:51.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,travelled to apologise\Nto the two remaining ones,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:51.50,0:17:52.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and give them $4 million\Nas compensation,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:53.26,0:17:54.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and apologise on behalf of Canada...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:54.82,0:17:56.58,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Four million Canadian dollars.\NCanadian dollars.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:56.86,0:18:00.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter drowns speech)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:00.66,0:18:01.86,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Throw 'em a bone.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:03.58,0:18:05.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Alan, a question for you.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:05.62,0:18:09.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Name all the events at the\Nfirst-recorded Olympic Games
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:09.94,0:18:11.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,in the year 776BC.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:12.26,0:18:14.42,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Discus.\N(Siren)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:17.26,0:18:19.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Have another go.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:19.54,0:18:20.70,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Javelin.\N(Siren)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:21.94,0:18:25.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, no. Try harder.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:25.34,0:18:27.62,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Hammer.\NNo! Dear, oh, dearie me.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:27.90,0:18:29.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Siren)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:29.38,0:18:31.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, no. I think that way madness\Nlies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:31.78,0:18:34.14,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,That was running.\NYes, running is the answer.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:34.42,0:18:36.78,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Running was running just one race.\NJust one race.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:37.06,0:18:39.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you get the distance,\NI will be astonished.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:39.54,0:18:42.06,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Two hundred metres.\NThat's damn close.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:42.34,0:18:43.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Siren)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:43.78,0:18:45.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's unfair. It's very unfair.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:46.18,0:18:47.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I think you've taken enough forfeits,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:47.70,0:18:50.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,because there was just one event,\Nand it was 192m.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:50.38,0:18:52.02,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:52.30,0:18:55.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is the modern equivalent. It's\Na stadium, the length of a stadium.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:55.58,0:18:57.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And that was the only race\Nin the first Olympic Games.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:57.82,0:18:58.94,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,That was the Olympic Games?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:59.26,0:19:00.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The first recorded one.\NYeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:01.06,0:19:03.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But they later discovered and indeed\Nincluded discus and javelin,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:03.82,0:19:06.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,or wrestling and boxing - and\Nall the things you've mentioned.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:06.62,0:19:08.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But, unfortunately, the\Nfirst recorded one was just one...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:08.38,0:19:09.62,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,When was the first recorded one?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:09.82,0:19:11.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,776BC.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:11.46,0:19:13.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the next question,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:13.54,0:19:16.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which is a subsidiary to this\Nfirst recorded Olympics is,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:16.50,0:19:18.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,what was the naked chef doing there?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:18.70,0:19:19.86,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,(Ding dong.)\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:20.18,0:19:23.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes. Is that a response\Nto the buttocks, or...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:23.50,0:19:25.34,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. A fine pair.\NFor what?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:25.54,0:19:28.74,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, naked cooking for the athletes?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:29.02,0:19:30.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No. Not quite.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:30.82,0:19:34.86,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Preparing meals for the judges.\NSelling food to the audience.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:35.14,0:19:36.38,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Won the race?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:36.58,0:19:37.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes! Quite right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:38.02,0:19:39.30,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:39.58,0:19:40.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The winner was a cook.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:41.02,0:19:42.30,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:44.78,0:19:47.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,His name was Coroebus of Elis,\Nand he was a cook,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:47.62,0:19:48.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and like all the contestants\Nwas naked.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:49.06,0:19:51.62,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And they all ran in the nude.\NAll ran in the nude...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:51.86,0:19:54.14,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,How wonderful.\NEven the trainers.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:54.46,0:19:55.94,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I would like to have seen\Nthe triple jump.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:57.46,0:19:59.22,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,How about the pole vault?\NOh, don't.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:00.38,0:20:04.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He... Coroebus of course\Nwon by a short head. No...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:05.18,0:20:07.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,After his... final spurt.\NNo, shut up.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:09.46,0:20:14.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, why is a marathon\N26 miles and 385 yards long?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:14.46,0:20:17.62,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel a trap coming up.\N(Laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:17.86,0:20:20.86,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,There's an utterly preposterous myth
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:21.18,0:20:26.50,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,that it is the distance run\Nfrom the Battle of Marathon
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:26.74,0:20:28.38,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,back to Athens.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:28.66,0:20:30.98,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,The myth is that it was a man\Ncalled Pheidippides... Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:31.30,0:20:36.46,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,..who actually conducted the run, to\Nconvey the news of the battle. Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:36.78,0:20:39.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And in fact it was the Battle of\NSnickers, not Marathon. Exactly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:39.46,0:20:40.74,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh, applaud)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:45.94,0:20:47.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, that's right.\NThere is a fairly well-known story
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:47.98,0:20:50.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that a man called Pheidippides\Napparently ran from Marathon,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:50.86,0:20:52.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,where there'd been a battle\Nagainst the invading Persians.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:53.22,0:20:55.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,According to Herodotus, who was born\Nsix years after the battle,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:56.02,0:20:58.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and whose account is the nearest\Nwe have to a contemporary one,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:58.42,0:20:59.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Pheidippides\Nran from Marathon to Sparta,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:00.22,0:21:01.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which is actually about 145 miles.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:01.90,0:21:03.26,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,There'd be no way!\NYeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:03.58,0:21:06.90,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,145 miles? Yeah. And then\Nhe ran all the way back again,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:07.18,0:21:08.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,since the Spartans\Nwere having a holy day.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:08.98,0:21:10.22,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,But he died under the same...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:10.54,0:21:12.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, he didn't die.\NAccording to Herodotus, he didn't.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:12.34,0:21:14.22,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought he was...\NNo record of him dying at all.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:14.50,0:21:16.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was 500 years later in Plutarch\Nand various other sources
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:16.86,0:21:18.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that this myth grew up.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:18.38,0:21:21.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But the reason why the marathon\Nis 26 miles 385 yards
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:21.62,0:21:22.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,is the British Royal Family.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:23.14,0:21:26.70,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it the distance\Nfrom Windsor to St James?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:26.98,0:21:29.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Not Windsor to St James, but you're\Nabsolutely on the right lines.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:29.38,0:21:31.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,In 1908, there was an Olympic Games\Nheld in London,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:32.26,0:21:35.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and the marathon started\Noutside a window in Windsor Castle,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:36.02,0:21:37.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and half the Royal Family\Nsat in the window going,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:38.02,0:21:40.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'Oh, well done. Go and...' You know,\N'What fun.' And there started.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:40.66,0:21:43.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And the finish line was at\Nthe newly built White City stadium,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:43.38,0:21:45.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and it was exactly 26 miles\Nand 385 yards.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:45.94,0:21:48.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And for every Olympics afterwards,\Nthat was the settled length.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:49.06,0:21:50.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, we pay our traditional visit,\Nladies and gentlemen,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:51.22,0:21:52.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to the exam hall\Nwhere all the candidates are writing
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:53.26,0:21:55.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,with the wrong end of the pencil -\Nit's the School of General Ignorance.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:56.14,0:21:58.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, fingers on buzzers, turn over\Nyour papers, and let's begin.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:59.06,0:22:04.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Where were the first modern Olympics\Nheld? Still on Olympics.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:04.46,0:22:05.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)\NYes?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:05.94,0:22:11.94,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,1896 was the first year,\Nand I believe it was Athens.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:12.18,0:22:14.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Siren)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:14.34,0:22:16.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not correct, I'm afraid.\NNo.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:16.42,0:22:18.70,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,No, but in Greece?\NNo, it wasn't in Greece.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:18.94,0:22:20.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Siren)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:21.94,0:22:23.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sorry about that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:23.58,0:22:24.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)\NNo.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:25.06,0:22:26.78,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Was it London? No.\NYou're in the right country, though.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:27.06,0:22:28.58,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Damn. If you got the place,\NI'd be surprised.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:28.90,0:22:31.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Johnny might. If I were to say\NAE Housman, you might get the place.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:31.78,0:22:33.22,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Salisbury?\NNope.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:33.54,0:22:35.50,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Shropshire.\NShropshire is the right answer.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:35.78,0:22:38.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Much Wenlock, as in on Wenlock Edge.\NWenlock Edge.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:38.74,0:22:42.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The town of Much Wenlock\Nin the year 1850, held Olympic Games.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:42.70,0:22:44.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was an extraordinary man,\Ncalled Dr WP Brookes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:44.78,0:22:46.82,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,1896 was the first Olympic Games.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:47.14,0:22:50.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And so people suggest, but\NBaron Coubertin, who was the founder,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:50.50,0:22:52.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,supposedly,\Nof the modern Olympic movement...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:52.58,0:22:54.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And he wrote about WP Brookes,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:54.94,0:22:56.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'Much Wenlock\Nis a town in Shropshire,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:56.46,0:22:58.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,a country on the borders of Wales,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:58.42,0:22:59.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and if the Olympic Games\Nthat modern Greece
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:00.10,0:23:01.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,has not yet been able to revive...'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:01.98,0:23:03.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He wrote this in 1890, Coubertin.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:04.06,0:23:07.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'..still survive today, it is due\Nnot to a Greek, but to WP Brookes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:07.78,0:23:10.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It is he who inaugurated them\N40 years ago,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:11.26,0:23:14.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and it is he, now 82 years of age,\Nand still alert and vigorous,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:14.50,0:23:15.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,who continues\Nto organise and inspire them.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:16.06,0:23:18.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So Coubertin came to Wenlock Edge,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:18.50,0:23:21.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and he, being a baron, having\Ninfluence and political connections,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:21.34,0:23:23.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,was able to do what this little\Ncountry parson was not able to do,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:24.10,0:23:26.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which was to get the rest of the\Ncountry, the rest of the world.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:26.98,0:23:28.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But King George I of Greece,\Nof the Hellenes,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:28.78,0:23:31.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,sent a silver medal to be a prize\Nat the Wenlock Olympics.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:32.02,0:23:36.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, 46 years before the first Athens\NOlympiad as it's counted,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:36.70,0:23:37.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,there were Olympic Games\Nthat were recognised
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:38.22,0:23:40.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,by the very man who is known as\Nthe father of the Olympic movement.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:41.02,0:23:42.90,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Gosh. That's wonderful.\NSo, let's hear it for WP Brookes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:43.18,0:23:46.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But he died just a year before\Nthe Athens Olympics.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:46.54,0:23:48.86,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,2012 - Hackney.\NYeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:49.14,0:23:50.34,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)\NCould be, couldn't it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:50.62,0:23:52.34,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Could be Hackney.\NNothing wrong with Hackney.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:52.66,0:23:53.82,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What a shithole.\NI live in Hackney.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:54.02,0:23:55.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:55.58,0:23:57.94,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Kayaking down the Lee River.\NI used to live in Hackney.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:58.18,0:24:00.66,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You can develop film in the Lee\NRiver, but you can't kayak there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:00.90,0:24:02.10,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:04.18,0:24:08.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, here's a question -\Nwhy was King Charles XIV of Sweden
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:08.38,0:24:09.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,ashamed of his tattoo?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:09.94,0:24:11.18,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,That's Dudley Moore, innit?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:11.38,0:24:12.98,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:13.26,0:24:14.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Charles XIV of Sweden.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:15.18,0:24:18.02,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, because Bernadotte,\None of Napoleon's generals,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:18.34,0:24:20.94,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,went to become King of Sweden...\NHe did.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:21.22,0:24:25.58,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,And the tat... And Charles XIV,\Nwas that Bernadotte? It was.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:25.90,0:24:28.30,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,And he had a tattoo,\N'I love Napoleon' on his arse?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:28.62,0:24:31.58,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, no.\NHe wasn't appointed by Napoleon.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:31.90,0:24:33.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He was actually appointed\Nby the ailing Charles XIII.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:33.78,0:24:34.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Napoleon regarded it as a joke,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:35.26,0:24:38.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but Bernadotte had been\Na young revolutionary, a Jacobin,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:38.46,0:24:40.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and he had a tattoo that said,\N'Death to kings.' (Chuckles)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:41.26,0:24:44.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,As a young man, and then he was\Nadopted by the old King of Sweden,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:45.22,0:24:47.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Charles XIII - became Charles XIV.\NYes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:47.62,0:24:51.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And was incredibly successful, and\Ncompletely backed away from France.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:51.34,0:24:54.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Had an alliance with England and\NPrussia. The great coalition.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:54.94,0:24:57.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Invaded Norway.\NBecame King of Norway as well.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:57.34,0:24:59.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And the Bernadotte family\Nstill rules Sweden.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:59.62,0:25:00.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They are still the kings...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:01.18,0:25:04.70,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's very confusing that period,\Nbecause Napoleon had Irish generals.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:05.02,0:25:06.98,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,He even had a Scottish general.\NYeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:07.26,0:25:09.18,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, just because\Nyou came from somewhere,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:09.58,0:25:10.82,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,you didn't have to fight\Nfor their army.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:11.02,0:25:12.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, indeed. Here's a question.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:12.62,0:25:15.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Which Scandinavian king\Nmight you have in your mobile phone?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:16.22,0:25:17.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:17.98,0:25:19.82,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Gustavus Adolphus?\NNo.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:20.06,0:25:23.10,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,King Nokia.\NNo, though...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:23.38,0:25:25.22,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,King Ericsson.\NNo. You're cer... I mean...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:25.42,0:25:27.18,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,King Motorola.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:27.46,0:25:28.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually in it. Not as the make of.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:29.22,0:25:30.54,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,King Sim.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:30.82,0:25:32.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No.\N(All laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:33.58,0:25:36.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There was a King Harold\Nwho had a nickname. Bluetooth!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:36.46,0:25:40.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you. Bluetooth is the answer.\NHarold Bluetooth was the king...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:41.02,0:25:43.58,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Me neck went off that side\Nto get that right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:43.82,0:25:45.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,United Finland and Sweden and Norway,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:45.70,0:25:48.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and when Ericsson and Nokia\Nand all the others you mentioned
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:48.82,0:25:50.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,were thinking of a unified approach
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:51.06,0:25:52.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to wireless connection\Nbetween mobile phones,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:53.26,0:25:55.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,they called it Bluetooth,\Nin his honour.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:55.66,0:25:58.26,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, really? 'Cause of him?\NActually named after him?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:58.54,0:26:00.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. We have the last question.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:00.58,0:26:03.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What do St Bernards\Ncarry in barrels around their necks?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:03.34,0:26:05.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)\NBrandy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:05.50,0:26:06.78,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Siren)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:07.06,0:26:09.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Siren drowns speech)\NNo, never have.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:09.58,0:26:11.70,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Armagnac's a myth.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:11.98,0:26:14.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Armagnac IS a kind of brandy. Oh.\NJust not cognac.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:14.50,0:26:16.94,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They never used casks in rescue work.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:17.26,0:26:18.62,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Brandy, after all,\Nwould kill someone with hypothermia.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:18.86,0:26:20.90,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.\NThey just do it for tourists.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:21.18,0:26:24.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's 'cause of a painting in 1831\Nby Landseer.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:24.30,0:26:25.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh, that's not the painting,\Nincidentally, but...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:26.14,0:26:27.38,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:27.66,0:26:29.42,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Very, very, very good likeness.\NIt's just done for tourism.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:29.74,0:26:31.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The dog painted by Landseer\Nwas called Barry,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:32.02,0:26:33.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and he was very handsome,\Nand he'd rescued 40 people,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:33.98,0:26:35.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and was something of a hero.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:35.50,0:26:36.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Unfortunately,\Nhe was killed by the 41st person,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:37.14,0:26:38.54,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,who thought he was a wolf.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:38.74,0:26:40.10,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, that's terrible!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:40.42,0:26:45.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But, in his honour,\Nthe handsomest St Bernard...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:45.34,0:26:48.02,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's horrible. ..is always called\NBarry at the St Bernard Hospice.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:48.34,0:26:51.38,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So, why was Barry painted\Nwith a barrel around his neck, then?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:51.66,0:26:53.42,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Occasionally they would carry milk\Nand things like that,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:53.62,0:26:54.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but certainly not brandy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:55.18,0:26:59.82,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Was St Bernard a patron saint\Nof skiers who need some brandy?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:00.94,0:27:03.98,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it's a pass, isn't it? It's a\Npass between Italy and Switzerland.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:04.26,0:27:06.54,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll tell you what is a really good\Npatron saint to put,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:06.82,0:27:10.50,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and it works, is St Anthony,\Nthe patron saint of lost things.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:10.78,0:27:12.66,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,If you lose something in the house,\Nand you just say,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:12.94,0:27:15.06,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'Please, St Anthony,\Nwill you help me find this?',
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:15.34,0:27:18.06,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I guarantee, 'cause it's happened\Nwith me with keys and everything -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:18.34,0:27:20.66,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,in about half an hour to an hour,\Nyou'll find what it is...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:20.94,0:27:22.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cough 'bullshit') Um, um...\N(Audience laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:23.02,0:27:25.74,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Stephen! It's true.\NNo, it's not true. I'm sorry.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:28.90,0:27:32.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Something tells me\Nit is so much arse.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:33.22,0:27:34.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway, that's it,\Nladies and gentlemen.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:34.66,0:27:37.02,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's time for the\Nbittersweet business of the scores.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:37.30,0:27:41.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And here we are. I will have to go,\NI fear, in order of first to last.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:42.42,0:27:46.22,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And tied in first place are Josie\Nand Rich - with four points!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:46.54,0:27:47.90,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Ooh.\NHow about that?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:48.10,0:27:49.34,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:53.10,0:27:56.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,In third place, despite\Nsome magnificent knowledge...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:56.74,0:27:58.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh, he did plunge into our traps\Na few times.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:58.90,0:28:00.50,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,With -14, it's Johnny Sessions.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:00.70,0:28:02.30,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:02.58,0:28:07.46,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But, uh... But limping, somewhat,\Na few laps behind,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:07.78,0:28:12.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,with, I think, a record-breaking -72\Nis Alan Davies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:12.58,0:28:14.34,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience cheers, applauds)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:20.70,0:28:23.90,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's all. That's all from Rich,\NJohnny, Josie, Alan and myself.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:24.22,0:28:25.70,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I leave you with this\Nquite interesting thought.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:27.94,0:28:29.66,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience laughs)\NGood night.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:29.94,0:28:31.62,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:33.22,0:28:36.06,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Closed Captions by CSI -\NAdrian Tan