Pushpavalli (2017): Season 2, Episode 5 - Hello Mr. Rao? - full transcript

Lee! It's not in there.

Are you sure it's not in this drawer?

There is a drawer there?

I had absolutely no idea
there was a drawer there...

I am kidding Lee.

You know,
you tell these jokes to the inspector…

when he asks for the
land ownership document.

Explain yourself.

What? I am an okra exporter.
It's an okra keychain.

It's the keys to my packhouse.

What, if you were exporting baingan,
you’d have baingan keychain?



What?

Brinjal.

You know, that purple thing.
Big. Purple. Vegetable.

- Big purple vegetable…
- Oh! You mean Aubergine?

You really don't belong to this country.

Just tell me how is it
that these missing land documents

didn't turn up in the last inspection?

They actually did
and I applied for a copy but

the municipal corporation guys
are just taking too long.

Hey listen…

What do you think about
postponing the inspection?

What? Why?

I just don't think we're ready for it.

We've been working on this for a week.
Trust me, we're ready.



Yeah, but we don't even have
the land documents and also...

What?

I can’t believe you are still using R40
coolant to refrigerate your chambers.

Not all chambers, just this one.

- It doesn't matter. It's ille...
- I know, I know it's illegal, but...

But its just really expensive
to have it changed.

It's not expensive, it's explosive!

You might as well put
a bomb inside the chamber.

Which is why I am saying
we need to postpone the inspection!

No.

We can deal with the R40 thing later.

If they don't bring it up,
we don't have to address it.

But for this land document thing,

just pay someone at the
municipal corporation and get a copy.

You've got some dirt on your hand.

Where?

Here, some dirt on your hand.

That's not dirt, that's a mole
and it's ticklish.

- No, it's dirt.
- No, it's a mole.

My, my mother says that
if you have a mole inside the palm,

money comes in.

And money goes out from here.

Money comes in from this mole
and goes out from that mole.

In-out, in-out, get it?

It's fair, you can't look like this
and be funny.

What is that supposed to mean?

Pankaj!

- Nikhil...
- No, no, no, ask Pankaj.

He knows someone at the
municipal corporation.

No, no, no…

I'm not asking that guy.

Why, because of Swati?

What, why? Why Swati?

No, because, you and her are a thing,
and him and her are a thing,

- everyone’s is a thing together.
- No, no, no, no, no.

No, no.

Swati and I,

Swati and I are over

and I don't care
what they do with their lives.

I just don't think asking
Pankaj is a good idea.

I think Pankaj will help you.

I think Pankaj hates my guts.

Nikhil…

You will come to the library
and you will ask Pankaj for help

and that's final, okay?

And we will deal with this
R40 thing later...

[Cloth rips]

[Chuckles]

Bye.

Oh Lee!

Umm…

- I forgot to tell you something.
- What now, huh!?

All the farmers in India
have stopped growing bhindi?

Wait, Europe has specifically banned
your face

because you call it okra and not bhindi?

Lee, Lee…

I...

I just wanted to thank you
for everything that you've done.

I mean it, feels great to be able
to share this burden with someone,

especially when that person
tears their clothes

trying to get you your land documents.

[Nikhil Laughs]

It's still not funny.

Of course it is.

No, it's not funny.

It's a little funny.

- No, it's not.
- Lee!

Please go from here.

Lee, c’mo

moooooon

Okay Betu Boy!

Mamma is going to see you
tomorrow, alright?

Okay Mom,

- Bye!
- Bye!

Here.

Hi Kaju!!

Let me know if you need
to talk to him later.

Thank you, I will.

Listen, I wanna get you
something from China.

I wanted to talk to you
and ask you-

Uh…

Pankaj.

I need to tell you something
about Swati but,

if you're in a bad mood,
I'll tell you later.

Tell me later.

Yeah, but it might be too late so…

What?

- So I met Nikhil this afternoon.
- Hmm, of course you did.

He told me that he is looking for
a contact at the municipal corporation

and apparently Swati told him
to ask you for help.

Hmm.

I don't think you should help him, okay?

I know you'll come across
as really secure

and Swati will be really
impressed with you.

But, I don't think its good idea
because who're we kidding...

You know, Nikhil does affect you right?

Hmm…

You know there are these tailors
on Commercial Street, okay?

They stitch clothes really quickly,
like 20 minutes max.

You should take an auto,
go there and get this shit fixed up

so you don't come to work
looking like an unloved orphan.

Pankaj! You know my father died.

Doesn't make you an orphan.

You still have one more to go.

So, are you gonna help him or...

One, two, three and four!

Here you go.

Alright

Uh… Pankaj, I was wondering
if maybe you could get me

to meet your guy over
at the municipal corporation?

Who told you I know someone there?

- Just I was...
- Swati told him.

Sorry Nikhil.
I had to tell Pankaj.

He's my friend first.

Right...

- Swati told me.
- Right...

Swati…

You know what,
you're obviously not okay with this.

I'll figure it out myself.

- Thanks so much.
- I am going at 11 tomorrow.

- You can come if you want.
- Oh, that will be amazing!

Can...can Lee come as well?

or does she have to stay back
and run the library?

Oh no, the library is closed tomorrow.

Oh so that's perfect.

Yeah, but she has to meet
her fiance tomorrow so...

Oh! That's okay, I'll meet him later.

No, you’ll meet him tomorrow.

Pankaj, what if you need my help?

Nobody needs your help.

Pankaj! This is more important.

This is more important?

This is more important
than getting to know

the man you're gonna spend
the rest of your life with?

This?

You know what Lee,

don't worry about it.

We'll handle it.

Umm, thank you so much.
I'll see you tomorrow at 11.

Yep!

Awesome! Great, see you guys.

Forgetting something?

Sorry?

You're forgetting something?

Oh! Arhaan!

Come buddy, let's go.

Come on.

What?

Oh…

Come.

What the fuck?

She likes to bite nails

Mine

Take your rolls.

It’s me.

Take it.

Thanks.

What the fuck are you doing?

Actually, I forgot to buy butter.

So, until I buy the
next batch of butter,

- I am just smelling some food.
- Fucking god!

Pushpavalli, why can't you just be
fucking normal

for one fucking day?!

Someone who doesn't go around
eating butter to loose weight

- and hiding under people's bed?
- I am not hiding.

I am living under the bed.

- Remember, I am getting married?
- Shut the fuck up.

You're not gonna marry that boy.

You don't even fucking take his calls?

My fiance is calling...

- Hi!
- Thank God!

Finally, you took my phone, Valli.

Ah! Have you landed?

Yeah, yeah long back.

- You've not eaten no?
- No, I've not eaten.

Okay, I'll come pick you up
in ten minutes. We'll go to CTR.

No, no, I'll come there directly.
You don't worry.

Nothing doing. I'll come to your
PG and pick you up, okay!?

Vidyuth! Please listen.

My land lady is very strict,
don't come here.

Valli! I've not seen you
in a long time.

Obviously, I want to come
pick you up, no.

Vidyuth! Listen...

[Lady] Hey demonic bi***es!

bloody evil spirits,

come out all of you!

- Hello Valli!
- I'll fuckin murder your mother.

You don't have any shame and pride...

[Lady] Let me see if you know
counting at least. Come on!

Hello Valli!

Ah! Vidyuth,

Okay…
Stay outside the gate.

I'll meet you outside the gate, okay?
Don't come in.

Ah! Okay.

[Phone disconnect tone]

What is it itchy or something?

What?

Your ankles man.

Why would you…

voluntarily wear ballet socks,

if you don't have a skin problem.
I don't get it?

Do you know how long
this is gonna take?

Eaah…

Sir, coffee, sir?

Yeah, you want?

Yeah, “iraadu” cups

[Snickers] “Iradu” cups.

Why are you saying it all weird dude?
I thought you’re Kannadiga.

Yeah, but I was born in Minneapolis.

Minneapolis it seems. Big chap.

Sir, 10 rupees.

Yeah.

Don’t worry, I got it.

No, no, no, I got it.

I got it.

- No, I got it, I got it.
- Hey! Minneapolis relax,

- I got it.
- Sir, no change sir.

Thank you, sir!

Hey, know what, I'll pay you back.

I got some change.

No, no, no it's cool.

Nah, I got some change over here.

- It's cool.
- No, it's cool, it's cool, it's cool.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

It's cool!

it’s 2, 3, 4…

5,

6,

7,

This is mine.

8,

9,

00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,920
and bingo number 11.

Now under normal circumstances
there should be 11 bras

because there are 11 girls
including Vasu living in this PG.

However, amongst us there is a hippy,
who believes gravity is a myth

and that's why does not wear a bra.

Unless of course,

she has decided to start wearing a bra.

Veena, show dear...

Hmm, still a hippy

So there should be 10 bras
taking sun-bath, no?

Here is the 11th bra.

Whose is this beautiful bra?

What is this corruption
happening in Vasu's PG?

Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me,

Tell me?

Thank you sir for meeting us for that...

my friend Chengappaa works here

I then....they must have told about...
my friend..

Where are you from?

- Sir?
- Hometown?

My hometown’s Vellore sir, Tamil Nadu.

And yours?

Where are you from?

Ah! Chin… Chintamani

It's your property, right?

Why is he talking?

You talk.

Ah, I...

I...

Okay, I grew up abroad
so my Kannada isn't that great

but, if you don't speak English
maybe we can get a translator.

No, no, don't say it like that,
don't say it like that dude.

- It’s okay. Sir…
- No, no, I’m just suggesting that

if you can't speak in English
we can get a translator.

Stop. You're sounding
really condescending.

Dude, I'm not sounding condescending.

Yes, you are.

Speak in English.

Speak in English.

Okay,

I need a copy for my packhouse's
land ownership document.

I applied for it 2 weeks ago.
I still haven’t got it.

I need it so that I can
pass my inspection.

Who spoke to Chengappaa?

Ma'am...

sorry sir.. me sir

You speak.

Yeah…

Umm, he...

Ah...
What's the problem again?

I need the copy for my
packhouse's land ownership document

so that I can export to the EU.

My inspection is in 2 weeks.

Sir, he has to export
ladies fingers, sir.

So…

It’s a perishable commodity
so if you can quickly…

When did you apply?

2 weeks ago.

Huh?

Huh?

Oh, 2 weeks ago sir.

- Nikhil Rao.
- [Nikhil] Yeah.

- OK Rao Exports.
- Yeah.

Ok, its approved
but has to be stamped.

Oh, that's great, so maybe
you can just stamp it and we can leave.

No.

Why, no?

Ahem…

Uh… Sir, he said why no, sir.

- See he has to stamp.
- [Pankaj] Yeah.

- He is not there.
- Yeah.

He has gone for his daughter's wedding.

Yeah.

He will come back in 2 weeks.

You also come back in 2 weeks.

Thank you.

- We'll come back in two weeks.
- No no, no.

Listen,

I need the copy of my
land ownership document today.

My inspection is in 2 weeks.

You know what, maybe...

You know,
it's his daughter's wedding, dude.

- Yea, just...
- What are you doing?

Look,

just tell us, how much
this is gonna cost?

Don’t fuck up, don’t fuck it up.

Please can you relax!

- I've got this. I've got this.
- Don't fucking do it. Don't fucking do it.

You fucked us…

- Maybe we can work something out.
- You fucked us in the ass man.

You fucked us in the ass, don't do it.

If you go outside,

you will find Padmaja and Govind Hari,

2 constables.

We'll sit down and discuss
what we can do.

Hmm, amidst the police.

You son of a bitch.

- Valli!

Hi!

Hi!

Nice to see you after so long.

Yeah…

Why are you sneaking out,
like one little kitten?

I told you no, my land lady
is a little strict. That's why.

Oh, so tell her no, I'm your fiance,

not some loafer on the street.

I am here now, so come, let's go.

Is everything,

alright?

Yeah!

You look a little dull.

You were so excited
on the engagement day.

No, no, nothing like that, I'm fine.

What Valli? You...

you already got bored of me?

No, no, nothing like that, Vidyuth.

It's just my land lady
made me run out...

It's okay,
we'll have a butter masala dosa.

You’ll be fine.

Auto!

Why man?

[Phone rings]

Oh!

- What happened?
- Federer lost.

Now what's the point
of watching Australian open?

It's not like we're watching for him,
we're watching for Nadal.

What? Nadal?

Nadal is not winning...

Yeah, last time Nadal
won an Australian open,

when, 2007 he won.

Excuse me, he won in 2009!

Big difference.

You know Federer won in 2010, 17,
in 18 also he won

That's the only thing he won in 2018.

Hello! What your Nadal won in 2018?

Uh! He won ATP Rome,
ATP Monte Carlo, French open.

Clay court, clay court, clay court,

anything else your boy can do?

Nothing. Put him on grass no.

Federer can win on anything.

By the way,
Nadal has won twice Wimbledon ah!

2008 and 2010.

Federer, on the other hand,
won French open once,

- that too because he got lucky.
- Hello, lucky!

It’s talent!

Look at his technique!

That forehand, that…
that… that volley

- It’s like Sampras’s volley.
- Please!

- It's perfect.
- Please, Federer is a robot, okay.

Look at Nadal's technique.

What, what Nadal’s techniques is it!?

- Shall I tell you about Nadal's technique?
- Okay, okay, okay fine.

I agree, oh my God,

Federer's technique is way better
than Nadal's

but look at the heart
with which Nadal plays.

He's so good on court,

he'll make sure he'll get his point,
he'll run from here to there,

here to there, everywhere
and get that one point for himself

and you know, just when you think,
just when you think it's

an unforced error, it swings in

and becomes a point.

I don't understand how that happens?

He's so good, so hard working,
so much passion...

Really like him, so much personality.

So much you like tennis. Huh?

Why you didn’t tell me?

You didn't ask.

Nice.

I like it.

Auto!

Finally he came.

Sir!

Will you go to CTR?

Valli, come.

Vidyuth, I need to go
to the municipal corporation urgently.

Ah! Pankaj needs my help.

Pankaj!?

Yeah! It's a long story,
can we meet for dinner?

I'll tell you when we meet for dinner.

- Yeah!
- Yeah! Yeah!

Can I… can I take this auto?[00:15:49.00]`

Yeah.

- Ok.
- I'll get one easily.

Let's go.

Hey! Where are we going for dinner,
Valli?

I told you not to take out
your money man.

Why would you do that shit?

Dude! It's not like, you weren't
eventually going to bribe him?

No. I wasn't going to bribe him.

That's why I had a guy on the inside

so that I don't have to
fucking bribe anybody man.

You've gone and fucked yourself
and me over

-because I can’t talk to Chengappaa anymore.
-You know what,

I'll talk to your Chengappaa.
I'll tell him it's my fault.

You know what, just do me a favour.

Don't talk to anyone, alright.

Let's get out of here before anyone
sees me with your stupid ass.

Actually, I am gonna wait here.
Lee said she was gonna come.

Seriously!

- You, you don't feel bad or what?
- Dude! I said I'm sorry.

What more do you want me to say?

You don't feel bad about
what you're doing right now.

You know this is the same girl
that you called delusional

and childish

and all of that shit

because she fucking stalked you, dude.

Or you conveniently forget all of that
because you have her

running around in circles
doing all your work for you?

That's not what....

Huh?

You do know right that she's moved on,

she's starting afresh,
she is happily engaged. Right?

I don't fucking owe you an explanation.

You know what,
I asked you for your help,

you couldn't help me.

That's fine,
I'll figure it out on my own.

- You, can leave.
- Oh! I can leave?

Yes.

Dude, I brought you here,
you ungrateful bastard.

You know what, next time
don't talk to Swati about my work.

Right, stay out of it

and use some of that bribe money
to buy some real man socks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

- Thanks for nothing
- Johnny bravo, bastard!

32 B,

34…

C!

Hello!

You only.

Why are you looking at 34B?

Huh?

Oh! Strong and sturdy.

Vasu, I don't know anything.

- Vasu! Vasu!
- Is it so?

Too bad!

Oh!

This one’s lacy,

red, very fiery.

Girl, it's yours only, no?

That is a full sexy sexy!
Sexy time is over.

Don't you dare cut my bra, Vasu.

Oh! Snatching from Vasu.

Now Vasu will snatch from you.

Starting today.

New rule!

No hanging your bra and
underwear in my terrace.

Hang it in your room.

Die out of the stench

I don't care.

I'm done with this Pushpavalli.
I am fuckin done with her.

She is living here secretly?

Who the fuck else?

Fucking parasite.

Why do we have to suffer
because of her?

This exactly why I believe,
we shouldn't wear bras.

What do you know about
expensive bras?

My best 38B got cut.

We'll get expensive bras for everyone.

We don't even get food because of her.

You'll get that as well.

Why are you helping her?

Pushpavalli has cancer.

We want to watch her die.

Sorry, sorry,

sorry I'm late.
I went to the other wing.

What happened?

I already told you, we didn't get it.

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Can we, can we please leave?

But, where's Pankaj?

Pankaj left okay.

- He and I...
- How can Pankaj just leave

and what do you mean
it doesn't matter, Nikhil?

Of course it does matters.

Lee, I've decided
to push the inspection.

We cannot push the inspection.
We already spoke about this.

If we're gonna push it,
it's gonna be really difficult.

Look, I know we already spoke about this

but I've decided to push the inspection

because today has been
extremely difficult...

What happened today?

Can you tell me what happened?

Then only I can figure something out.

Lee, I don't want to talk
about it right now,

- can we please leave...
- If we're not gonna talk about it,

how am I gonna figure it out.

- Lee! stop pushing! Pushpavalli!
- Tell me what happened?

I'll go inside, I'll talk to him,

- Pushpavalli, Pushpavalli!
- maybe you and Pankaj

were not able to figure it out.
I'll go inside.

Can you please stop pushing
and let it go

and leave me alone?

I am sorry, I yelled at you.

Listen, the corporation isn't shut yet.

I am going to try and get
the document.

You can leave if you want.
You don't have to tell me anything.

The guy was already pissed off
with us and I tried,

I tried to offer him a bribe
and that pissed him off even more.

What?

Yeah! But Lee,

the document was in front of him
and the stamp was right there.

All that he had to do
was stamp the document.

That's it.

But he just refused to do that
because he was trying to prove

a point or something.

Plus your dumb friend
Pankaj pissed me off.

What are you doing?

Is my face okay?

Yeah!

- Now it's nice.
- Thanks.

But, do I look miserable?

Is that a trick question?

You’re of no use.
Just hold my bag.

Lee?

Pushpavalli...

What are you doing?

Marble paper...

How to find it?

where do I get it from?

Striped also...

But where do I,

how can I find it now dear?

Where is the...

- Excuse me sir.
- But where from...

- Sir.
- Ayush...

- Sir!
- Yes.

Sir, where is the marriage
registration office, sir?

It's in Kormangala,
next to the water tank.

No no… I can’t go there dear!

Jyothi… If you want striped marble paper means
there is no chance

Sir, actually this boy, sir.

He told me to come here.

He said he will get married
to me here, sir.

I've been roaming around
for two hours looking for him.

- Sir, I can't find...
- Which boy, which boy?

My boy, sir, the boy
I was gonna get married to...

- Jyothi what do I do?
- Sir, what do I do sir?

What do I do sir?

Jyothi! Now striped, black, marble, lilac
Something and all you’re saying!

Oh lilac also,
what is the meaning of all of this?

Sir, I can't call him, sir,

because I don't have my phone, sir.

My parents will find out then
because if I get my phone

they will trace me using GPS technology

- that's used worldwide, sir.
- I'll call. I'll call.

Just one phone call, sir,
if you don't mind, sir.

I'll call.

- I'll call.
- I'll call, sir.

One minute.

Half a minute, sir.

Put the phone, put the phone,
put the phone down.

Please tell me the number.

- 7-0
- 7-0

- 2-2
- 2-2

2-2

Sir, may I dial, sir?

Make it quick.

Hello Deepak!

Deepak, where are you Deepak?

Deepak, you are not coming no, Deepak?

Deepak! You said you will marry me,
you're not coming no Deepak?

Deepak, you are not
gonna marry no, Deepak?

What am I gonna do?

Who cares which number
I am calling from, Deepak?

Madam. Hello!

Deepak, you said you will eat Pani Puri

- and come Deepak and youre not here Deepak
-Hello!

Madam, my phone.

Deepak, don't do this Deepak.

Deepak come here right now, Deepak.

Deepak, go inside and get the documents stamped, Deepak.

Oh Deepak,
now you want bhel puri also Deepak?

Yes, my mother told me
not to trust a chat lover Deepak.

Where the fuck am
I supposed to stamp this?

Deepak, I packed my
suitcase also, Deepak.

Deepak, don't do this to me, Deepak.

No Deepak, tomorrow I will
not meet you at the gym, Deepak!

I got it!

Deepak actually, you don't come.

Deepak, you stay there, Deepak.

You save your auto money, okay
you don't have to come.

Your rice item I want.

So hungry I am.

I haven’t eaten anything since morning.

There is so much work at home...

I ate this and I am feeling much better.

What all did you add to make this so tasty?

Excuse me ma'am,

Can I use my phones please?

Why you have two two phones?

That means you're stealing
the phones right?

Just go there and sit down, go!

What was I saying...

Ma'am! I just borrowed the phone
to make a phone call.

I don't steal.

Oh! You didn't steal ah!?

Okay

Tell me your password.

00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,000
Okay, this one.

Password?

Ma'am! You can't go through my stuff.

If you wanna go through my stuff
you need a warrant for that.

Warrant?

Prime minister
of India wants warrant it seems!

What is there in the phone?

Something dirty dirty?

Tell my dear!

Your secret phone.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Don’t put 2, put all 4.

Ma'am, I have a right to my privacy.

I know my rights and
you can't talk to me like that.

Don't raise your voice.

Shut up and go and sit there.

No, I am not going to go sit there.

From when, I've been sitting there.

You've not been telling me
what's happening.

You call your superior,

I don’t wanna talk to some constable.

Shut up!

You want to be in the lockup?

you want me to call your mom?

No right?

So shut up and sit there

[Police]Hey Sashi!

[Police] Give me that rice item…

[Police] This keeps happening.

[Police] Parents don’t raise them with values.

These things happen daily for us

[Police] Come lets eat together.

Thank you.

Come quick,
let's get out of here.

Come on.

Are you okay?

Oh, I got the document by the way.

Okay! I know what you're thinking.

All of this,

all of this has gotten too much right?

I mean, I almost got you arrested but,

but honestly you didn't
have to go overboard today.

Actually, even Pankaj was saying...

Forget what Pankaj was saying,
I just feel like...

Honestly we can't forget
what happened the last time.

You, you moved cities for me,

you know, you behaved childishly

and you had absolutely no control
over your emotions and...

Maybe I should take
some distance from you,

you were pretty much doing things
that were bordering on...

Where's my bag?

It's in the car.

I'm leaving.

Lee!

That's not what I meant, Lee.

Lee!