Pushpavalli (2017): Season 2, Episode 4 - Khadda dekh ke khud hi gir gayin - full transcript

Thank you!

You'll have one?

Do you need a hand?

Yeah! Actually… sure

[Claps and Laughs]

Get it?

I'm giving you a hand?

Okay?

- Let me help you.
- No, it's fine.

- No let me...
- No, no really it's fine.

Oh! Hey, by the way,



Thanks so much for getting
me those Doctor’s notes.

Oh, I also dropped Arhaan.

Yeah, thanks for that too.

Also got you change.

I got it, I owe you one.

You owe me three.

You stole my dog.

Okay, we're even.

That's what I thought.

So how’s work?

- the consignment’s cancelled?
- Oh yeah, yeah yeah!

Yeah we’re back on track…
Hopefully.

Why, hopefully?

My Quality Manager, he seems
to have problems with everything.



He has problems with
exporting to Europe,

he has problems with documentation,

he has problems with
reading a water report.

He doesn't know how
to read water report?

Anybody can read a water report.

Just download the standard
and compare numbers.

I mean, I could do it for free,
if you want.

- Really?
- Yeah!

200 rupees.

One second.
You'll read my water report for free

but you’ll charge that kid
200 rupees for a snow cone,

that too in a plastic cup?

- Really?
- Did you…

did you just call it a snow cone?

- Yeah! Why?
- It's a Gola.

A what?

Gola. It's very easy.

Say Gola!

- It's very important.
- No... No... No...

You will not be accepted
in this country.

- You can't say snow cone.
- I'm not saying. It's a snow cone.

- It's a snow cone.
- You can try it.

It's in this country...

The Beijing in pollution
is pretty bad huh?

What?

The pollution in Beijing’s pretty bad.

Whatever..

You should tell Swati to
get a pollution mask, you know.

Okay I will.

- It's a snow cone.
- You speak to her is it?

Whenever, if you speak to her.
Let her know,

If and when…

- I will.
- Okay

If and when you speak, you know.

I will.

Keep in touch?

You know what.

- I'm gonna leave.
- Keep in touch much?

Anyway…

I'll see you tomorrow. Bye!

Ah! Nikhil!

Yeah!

You forgot something.

Okay! Fine.

Thank you so much Lee for
everything that you have done.

I really appreciate it.

Your help has been tremendous
and it’s called… I…

Arhaan…

Right. Arhaan!

Come on.

Why do you keep
forgetting to go with me?

- Bye!
- See you.

Enjoying?

- He came to me
- Oh yeah?

Yeah! He wanted to talk
about his work with me.

- It was professional.
- Oh! I am sorry.

Is he paying you to talk about his work?

- No but-
- Then, it’s not professional.

Yeah but it was still work related.

No, no, no, no, no, no no, no no...

see, if I pay a hooker to sleep with me,

then it's professional as long
as she's sleeping with me, alright.

But in the middle of the sex no,

I start talking about this month's
reading list, then it gets personal

and weird.

Did you just call me a hooker?

You wish!

Can't even walk with your back straight.

[Cellphone Rings]

Yeah. Tell me Mom.

Pushpavalli, Have you eaten?

Don't worry ma.
I'm not eating.

Good, good.

Have you slept well?

Yeah I slept for 8 hours yesterday.

Why!!? I told you to sleep only for 6 hours.

Why did you sleep for 8 hours?

Already you look like a pumpkin.

- Now you'll look like hot air balloon.
- Alright mom alright!

I won't sleep, okay.

What about your in-laws?
Did you meet them?

Actually ma, I don't know what to do.

That Vidyuth went on some trip,
he didn't even say bye...

and then, I keep calling my in-laws.

They keep giving me excuses
saying they’re going to this temple,

that temple.

So, I don't know what to do.
That's why, I left them alone.

- Meaning?
- Pushpavalli!

If you want something means,
they won't come and scratch for you.

You have to scratch yourself.

Mom what are you saying!?

I don't care if you have
to pitch a tent outside the temple.

Meet your in-laws and make them like you

before they realize
what a mistake you are.

Alright mom, alright!

I'll meet them, okay.

- Pushpavalli!
- Mom! Please mom...

- Mom! Can you hear me?
- Hello! Can you hear?

Can't hear anything mom...

Network problem maybe...

Of course you can't hear me now...

Oversmart

What are you doing?

You're on a hunger strike till
you take revenge on Nikhil right?

No, no! I am not on any hunger strike.

Just that whenever I feel hungry,
I take a bite of butter, that's it.

She wants revenge or revenge body?

Both. She’s juggling two boys also,
isn’t she?

- No.
- [Cellphone Rings]

You don't want to keep
your phone on silent.

You want to secretly
stay in the PG also.

You want to take the
call or wake Vasu up?

Hello! Not 2 put 4..

Yeah. Yeah bye.

Put, what?

4! v

Shut up. You've been
feeding us crap for so long.

Who called?

T boi

That guy who walks around all unnecessarily
happy like he's become a father?

Why won't he be happy?
He knows the whole plan.

He gets to see your hair burn.

He gets to push Nikhil's mother.

And we just get the
video of your hair burning.

Tell us what's your plan for the day.

Or we'll make your plan for the day

to find another PG.

No, no guys, nothing of the sort.

Shhhh...

What?

Oh! ho ho ho, oh no no no!
Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!![00:06:21.15]`

What happened father-in-law?

What happened?

Heart attack huh?

She is sleep walking

She'll roam around and then go back.

Want water?

WANT WATER???

I’ll give…

If you want water means,
simply ask.

Why unnecessarily, heart attack and all?
Now I have to call ambulance.

Is the Hospital my grandfather’s?
Want water?

No. I am thirsty.
It’s summer right? Very hot!

That’s why I said

Put AC! Put AC!! Put AC!!!

But you are such a miser!

Stingy fellow!

Now see, first I will drink water.
Then I will call ambulance.

You will be okay no?

[Screams]

Full overacting only has happened today.

Father-in-law is cursing from up above.

Who is going to clean this now?

I only have to do no?

Morning morning one
nice workout has happened.

No, I…

Eh! I did not open the fridge…

My father-in-law doesn't
drink ice water...

Blood Sucking Demons!!

Come out I say,
each one of you come out right now.

RIGHT NOW!

2 more are there

- Aunty, aunty, aunty!
- Yeah?

See..Butterfly!

So pretty.
Next time get a scorpion, okay!

Don't get butterfly.

Guaranteed current

Right, right,
right, right, right….

Ah! Okay Sir!

Oh! Okay!

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Right! Perfect sir!

Sir, the 3 phase connection
will get done no sir?

Coming week, correct sir, classic

Correct alla, nivu,
municipal office alli barthiralva?

Oh municipal office. Yes sir,
I'll come sir. I'll see you.

Okay! Okay!

- Okay sir, done sir, see you.
- Okay! Barthini!

Barthini, barthini, barthini sir,
barthini.

- What were you guys talking about?
- Holy fucking ostrich man, relax!

Don't sneak up on me like that.

Was that the electricity connection guy?

Yeah!

Then why were you guys
talking about a buttermilk dish.

What.. who’s… who’s talking about… what?

Majjigehuli is a buttermilk dish.

Why were you guys talking about that?

Is that what he was? Son of a bitch...

I thought he was talking about
electricity connections this whole time.

Why would he be passionate
about electricity connections?

Then why was I kissing
his ass this whole time?

I don't know...

- Okay okay
- What are you laughing at?

- [Arhaan Crying]
- Pankaj!

He's sad, he's missing his mom.

Just call her no.

No. When did you speak to her last?

Yesterday.

Okay! So, you can speak to her tomorrow.

Pankaj! What's wrong with you?
He's so upset.

Dude! They have a routine, alright.

He speaks to her once in two days.
It's, it's a system man.

I can't do anything about it.

I don't want to get into
the middle of this mother son shit.

Fine, okay.

Arhaan, you tell Nikhil Uncle
to call mamma in the evening okay.

He'll make sure that
he'll call your Mamma.

- Don't worry about it, okay!
- Okay! That's a stupid...

that's a stupid idea.

Do you have any idea
what time it'll be in Beijing

by the time ankle socks comes along,
you know?

- I'll make the call, come.
- Are you sure?

I'll make the call.

- You're sure right?
- I will, just... I'm sure man, shit.

- Come betu boy, come.
- What?

Arhaan dude...
Shit, relax.

Number 1…

Shut off your phones.

Number 2…

somebody has been stealing
community butter from Vasu's kitchen.

It was there in the fridge yesterday

- Thank you Mynah
- It's Rehna

That’s number 3.

Now, if you people are
stealing one full bar of butter.

I can understand maybe
you are making some surprise.

Thank you Vasu, this is the
best PG cake or something for me.

But what is this, what is this
Brabarian Butter Biting Behaviour ma,

Who’s done this?

Tell me!

You will not say anything?

Leave it

To find this sick person
Vasu will become a forensic person.

Now each one of you will take
a bite from this freshly new butter bars

and then I will compare
the butter marks and find out,

who the thief is, come on,
come!

Vasu! If everyone takes a bite
then the butter will get over, right?

Instead give us soap bars

We will bite that!

Oh oh oh oh oh oh!

Kokarko chickens with cocky ideas,
wanting to start a cocky revolution.

You want to finish my soap also?

I am not fucking biting anything.

Yeah! That's ridiculous.

Oh! Ah! Okay, no trust haan!

Fine, no trust means, no service.

From today I am not buying
groceries for this PG.

End of story.

And what is the cook
supposed to cook with?

Ah! Logical Rani is making
a very very good point,

thank you dear!

Vasu! What are you doing?

Hello Deepak?
Where are you?

At the bus stand is it, do one thing,

take one auto and
go straight home, done?

Guys, this is your fault.
- If you hadn't taken in...

And once you get home,
you cuddle with grammy

and you go to sleep okay.

Mummy'll get you a new shirt for today
and then I'll speak to you day after.

Bye Betu boy!

- Okay mama bye!
- No wait, hold on, hold on.

Hey hi! One sec, give, give it to me.

Go, go play.
It's my phone, give it to me.

Go, go, go, go.

Hey, hi!

Pankaj… hello…

How are you?

Not bad. How’s… how’s China?

How's China?

So, you care?

About China, I mean,

the economy is rising like a dragon...

Stop pretending like you care Pankaj.

Because you don’t! If you did,
you wouldn’t be tailgating

my son's phone calls to talk to me.

I didn't know you wanted to talk to me?

Why wouldn't I wanna talk to you?

Why would..

Because of the…the other day.

When you came in and I tried to...

you rejected my…

the advance…

of my…

kiss man...

Okay, okay, don't look at me like...

don't look at me like,
you don't know what I'm talking about.

I tried to kiss you... and you.

Wow!

And then, we fought about it.
So, I figured...

Okay, listen...

I didn't know when two
people have an argument;

they are not supposed to talk forever.

I didn't know you are this juvenile.
So I'm just gonna hang up, okay?

Okay, no that's not what I,
okay hold on, hold on...

You think that

- people can't resolve issues?
- That's not what I...

- You're supposed to give each other
- I didn't, I didn't think about it...

- the cold shoulder forever?
- That's not what I said...

And act juvenile like this.

Alright, I am sorry I didn't call.

Are you there?

Yes, I'm here.

Oh!

Listen, I need to go
to this conference now.

Okay! So, can I call you sometime?

Yes, Kaju.

I'll wait for your call. Bye!

Alright, buh bye!

Still got it.

What are you doing here?

I don't know.

You tell me…

Kaju?

Don't fucking smile.

Don't, oh!
You fucking laughing?

Don't fuckin...fuck.

No no no no, no running allowed...

just go inside and read

4 to 5, 4 to 5,

these are for ages 4 to 5…

Ah… suck on shit ass…

Fuck me with a corkscrew.
This son of a bitch.

Oh, hi I'm supposed to give this to you.

Do you know where Pushpavalli is?

I didn't see her outside.

I really need to talk to her,
it's a little urgent.

Is she around?

What is this some kind of a joke?

What?

What is this shit man?

Fucking just cause I'm shorter than you,
you buy me a small shirt?

Is this supposed to be
some kind of fucking prank?

You know what, anyone will
look short next to you, alright.

A fucking ladder would
look short next to you, man.

Thanks

Thanks?!

Does this sound like
a fucking compliment man?

What...Dude what are you
the captain of the basketball team?

Yeah actually I was.

Oh you were is it?

Then don't fucking show off.

Even I can do a lay-up dude,
just fucking lost touch.

- I don't even wear checks!
- Look!

Swati asked me to give you that.

It's for Arhaan.

Do you know where Pushpavalli is?

I really need to talk to her.

Why would Swati...what...
did you buy this on the way?

- I really need...
- Pankaj! Some kid swallowed red paint

- Oh, hey!
- Hi

- Arhaan's outside I'll get him.
- No, no, don't worry about him.

I'll get him later.

Listen, can you help me
read my Packhouse’s water report?

Where is your Quality Manager?

Let's not get into that.
Can you help me or not?

Okay, give it to me.

I don't have it on me right now.

It’s at the Packhouse.
Will you come with me?

- Okay... Come.
- Yeah?

- Yeah
- Great.

You need to go wash
the paint off the lawn.

Oh! I put the tarpaulin before
I started the activity.

Update the reading list then.

I did that yesterday.

Put the books back on the shelf.

- I'll do that tomorrow.
- No, now.

Pankaj! I'll come early
and I'll do it tomorrow.

I’m sorry, who’s paying you
to clear off your fiance’s debt?

Huh!?

You know what Lee? I'll figure it out.

If I need your help, I’ll call you.
Okay? Thanks.

Fine, go.

Just go man.
I shouldn't have said that, alright.

- I'm sorry
- You know Pankaj,

you didn’t have to embarrass
me, especially in front of him.

I've done that enough for a lifetime.

I wasn't trying to embarrass you.

You treat me like shit
in front of everyone, that's fine.

But, you treat me like shit
and get angry in front of him?

That's not okay with me.

I wasn't angry at you, alright.

I was angry at him and then I,
I wasn't even angry at him,

I was angry at Swati and

- then I took it out on him.
- Why? Because she called you Kaju?

No, because we are a thing, okay.

Yeah! I know you've had
a crush on her forever now.

Yeah! And then, we kissed after that..

What?! You guys kissed?

- Really...really?
- Hey! Chee!

- Don't touch and all dude.
- When did this happen?

Why are you telling me now?
Was it at the library?

Did she lean in? Did you also lean?

Was it together? Was it like a Frenchie?

Okay, Relax! You pervert.

- It was astronomy night one night,
- Oh my God!

Apparently, you can see Jupiter
with binoculars or some shit like that.

But, then all these freaking
kids forgot to bring their binoculars

and there was all this
freaking light pollution,

so then all these kids
fell asleep on the lawn...

- Okay!
- And Swati was lying down next to me and

Oh my god…

then you know, we freaking...

did some shit, alright.

What did you do?

What do you mean?
Like I braided her hair.

- We kissed man.
- Oh my god, that's so sweet Pankaj.

I’m so happy for you…

Wait...

If you and Swati are a thing
then why is Nikhil picking up Arhaan?

It's not a thing thing, apparently.
We're a casual thing.

- You're okay with casual?
- No, I'm not.

That's what's...
fucking pissing me off man!

How is she okay with... with me right?

But then THEY have a little fucking

pick-my-kid-up-and-drop-
him-at-the-library shit.

She could have asked me to do it?

Is that not in the casual category?

Is that fucking not…
what is this shit man?

Fucking… fucking with my head.

Then you guys kissed and then?

And then we went to the ice cream store

- Oh my God, then?
- Yeah!

We had this little flavour of ice cream.
I don't know if you've heard of it?

It's called,
mind-your-own-fucking-business.

You should try it out sometime...

Damn tasty it is.

I'm so happy for you.

Madam! There are 200 crates in total.

-Should I buy ten packets of Zinc?
- Hmm…

Zinc or Zinc Chloride?

- Zinc Chloride
- Done

I think better to change
the RO system itself.

Yeah, but this is the third time
in 1 month we are changing the filter.

Yes, sir.

- Madam! Power!
- The filters are getting damaged means…

- … what to do sir?
- Go from here

But Ramesh...

When we installed the RO system,

you told me we’d have to change
the filters only once every 6 months.

That's why I'm saying sir,
better to change the RO system only.

Inspection is also coming soon.

The question is why are the
filter is getting damaged?

Kaveri water is coming
in full force no sir.

- Maybe, that's why...
- That doesn't make any sense.

It's not like the Kaveri water
is coming directly into the RO plant.

It gets collected in the tank first.
Have you checked your source water?

Madam! We only have to
test the final water for export.

Yeah, but your source water has
to be fit for it to enter the RO plant.

- So that your filters don't get damaged.
- Source water is fine only.

Who are you? From RO service?

One second, when did we check the source water last?

Sometime back. But, it's clean only sir.

Where is your tank?

There is no need sir.

Let's go check the tank.
We'll find out.

Sir, better to focus on the inspection.

What if the inspector
insists on checking your tank?

Inspector won't ask all these things.

How do you know?

You don't know the procedure ma'am.

I may not know the procedure but,
he'll still insist on checking the tank.

Who are you to ask me all these things?

- Doesn't matter what my...
- One second.

Let's go check the tank.
Come on.

Okay.

Listen, get me a sterile
container from your lab.

Okay, but for what?

For us to test the source water.
To see if it's fine or not.

I'm so glad you are here.

Madam! Madam!! Madam!!!

What are you doing inside?

Please come out.

No use yelling sir.

She moved cities, this is just a tank.

Rao sir, Rao sir.
She's gone off inside.

- Who?
- That madam!

What!?

Why are you just standing here?
Do something.

Pushpavalli!
Lee! Are you okay?

I'm fine, I'm fine.
Just give me the container.

Lee, just get out right now.

Just shut up and give me the container.

Okay, here!

Ah!

- Sorry!
- Got it, got it.

How could you let her go in?

Sir, she saw a pit and
fell into it voluntarily.

What can we do?

Ah! Shit!

What? Are you okay Lee?

-Lee!
- I’m fine I’m fine.

Just give me the scooper.

- What scooper?
- That scooper thing!

What scooper thing?

There is a rod and there is a...
there's a net in the end.

Lee, what the fuck
are you trying to say?

Look around you no Nikhil.

Are you looking around?

- Oh, yeah!
- Can you see?

- Is it this one?
- Can I see?

- No no, just give it.
- Oh yeah, yeah, is it this one?

Yeah, this one.

- Okay, got it?
- Yeah, got it!

- Got it?
- Got it.

Okay, now get out.

No Nikhil wait.
I’m doing something here. Calm down!

- Lee!
- Go away Nikhil

- Pushpavalli!!
- Go away!

- Fuck it, I'm going in.
- No, sir. You don't go.

Let this tea fellow go.

- Hey! You go.
- No, why should he go in?

- One of us should be going in, right?
- Nobody needs to go in.

Just take this container.

This water is filthy,
Ramesh. Explain yourself.

No, you know what…

Don't waste my time. I'm going in.

Sir, let this fellow go no. Eh! You go.

Sir, as per my horoscope,
my death is written due to drowning sir.

- Wha...
- Somebody take this.

Okay!

Got it, got it, got it, got it.

What the fuck, are those rats?

No sir, there can't be rats.

Oh no!

- How come there are rats, sir?
- What are you asking me,

how come there are rats, Ramesh?
I'm asking you, how come?

Please explain yourself!

Why is the water this dirty?
Sir, water was clean only.

That madam went inside
and then it became dirty.

Ramesh! That doesn't make sense.

What if the inspector came
and asked to check the source water?

He could have rejected
us and banned us permanently.

Do you not understand that?

- Nikhil!
- What?

- Ah!
- Lee!

Lee!

Lee, are you okay?

Pushpavalli!

Looks like her horoscope
also predicted drowning.

Lee!

Come on, gag!

Come on, gag.

Okay! This is ridiculous,
nothing's happening.

What's more ridiculous is,
you dying of the plague.

What, I'm gonna die of the plague?

Yeah! Obviously,
you just drank dead rat juice.

Now, come on put
two fingers in and gag.

Yeah! Just put two...

Okay! You know what,
you look the other way.

I can't do this when
you're looking at me.

I look like an idiot.

Well you look like an
idiot moving cities for me.

- So, this is not a big deal.
- Really? You bring that up now!

Lee, can you stop being a baby and puke?

I'm not able to.

Okay…

Let’s talk about
things that are disgusting…

Oh! Someone took a giant
dump and didn't flush.

I live in a girls PG.

Intestines,
splattered all over the road.

- I took butchery in college.
- Really?

Yeah.

That must have been interesting?

That was good.

No! Focus!

Uh…

Maggots on a wound,
puss from a pimple,

the idea of Swati and Pankaj making out?

- I know it's funny.
- It's funny.

It is funny.

No no no no no...
No laughing.

Ah! Puke, puke, puke...

Puke! Someone else’s puke,

the smell of it,
the texture of it, the color of it...

puke mixed with paan on the wall,

it's on your face,
five people puking at one time...

Madam! Good news? Already?

No, it's just that, it's
been two weeks since the engagement.

These days, everyone is so modern.

So, I thought madam and
her fiance have gone all the way.

They haven’t?

Sir, tea Sir?

So, have you?

What?

I mean, have you and your fiance,
what’s his name again?

- Vidyuth.
- Right, have you and Vidyuth…

done it?

Okay, that's none of your business.

No, no. Of course
it's none of my business.

It's, it's just that, I'm
guessing that this is your first time

and you know,
you shouldn't rush into it.

You deserve to be with someone special.

Oh, hey! But, what's your name?

- Hi!
- Hi!

Do you want some company?

No, I'm fine. Thank you.

So, you're gonna sit there
and drink your tea by yourself.

Cool, good plan.

- Hey!
- Hi!

Do you mind?

No, but, you were
all the way in the front.

Why did you come back?

You're way more fun.

Are you dating someone,
have you dated someone, what's this...

Oh, oh no I have,
I've never dated anybody.

Really! But you're so much fun.

You and Pushpavalli
are a thing or what, now?

Maybe, we are a thing.

Puke...

Come on!

Dabbadalli majjige hulide