Psych (2006–2014): Season 7, Episode 1 - Santabarbaratown 2 - full transcript

Shawn is almost completely out of control after his father henry has been hospitalized, badly shot, with airhead vamp lover Chelsea yapping endlessly at his bedside. While Gus is scared worse then ever, Carlton provides invaluable backup, especially when the leads point to arms-traders and a gun range.

- Previously on Psych...
- We were quite a team.

Back in those days,

honor and respect for the badge
meant something.

You took an oath, Jack.

We had no choice.
The job was all we had.

You had a choice.

There are still plenty
of good cops on the force,

and they put their lives
on the line every day

for all the right reasons.

It's just not my game anymore.

Oh, my God.

Oh, you know,
50 grand was a lot back then.

I didn't tell you
how much they were gettin' paid.

It's not too late
to do the right thing, Jerry.


I'm sorry, Henry.

Jerry, no!


Talk to me.
Come on, talk to me!

What are you doing?
Go get him.

No, no, no. I got you.
I got you.

All right, just stay calm, okay?
I'm pretty sure, like,

90% of gunshot wounds are psychological,

here's the good news,
the body is actually designed

- for this sort of thing.
- Uh, no, it's not.

I'm just saying, it's important for him

to keep moving, you know,
maybe walk it off.

This isn't serious. This isn't
like having appendicitis.

- We're taking him to surgery.
- Okay, great. That's great.

Where do I stand? Where--
Do I need to wash up?

Look, my hands
are crazy clean. Look.

I had one of those Dorito tacos
from Taco Bell about an hour--

What are you telling me?
I stay here?

Okay, good call.
I'll man--I'll man the hallway.

You got to save him, that's my dad!

[Heart monitor beeping]

Look, I know
I haven't always been great.

Holy crap, am I actually
giving this speech?

[Exhales deeply]

Let's just skip to the end, okay?

I appreciate what you do...

Not always how you do it,
but, you know...

what you do is good.

And I just--I don't think now
is a good time for you to go,


That's all.

And I love your...

French toast.
[Clears throat]

[Footsteps approaching]

I came as soon as I heard.
I am so sorry.

I brought a six-footer.

Woody, what are you--?
Whoa, look. He--

Oh, awkward.

I'll come back, uh, later.


- Chelsea?
- [Giggles]

I-I-I haven't seen you

since you followed my dad
to that resort.

- Mm-hmm.
- What are you--

- Uh, do you work here?
- Nope. Just trollin'.


How's that sexy dad of yours?

He got shot in the chest.

Oh, I feel terrible.
I never called him.

No, you did. You called him
many times--many, many times,

and then he changed his number...

not because of you, though.

I think he was going through
some of his own--

Yeah, he thought you were great.

Shawn, I know what you're thinking.

I'm not sure you do.

You're in shock.
You're delirious.

You've been awake for 36 hours.

The worst possible thing you could do

is get involved with this case.

Please tell me you'll sit this one out.

You're right--
I am delirious.


Gus is coming by in an hour
to pick me up.

I'm gonna try to get some sleep.

[Sniffs] Clearly nothing I can do here.

- All right.
- [Grunts]

Shawn, just tell me what you need.

- I'm a little hungry.
- Me too. How about--

- Mole tacos.
- That's scary.

I'm in. There's one thing
I'd like to do

- before we eat, though.
- What's that?

Let's go catch the
son of a bitch who shot my dad.

[The Friendly Indians'
I Know You Know]

♪ I know you know
that I'm not telling the truth ♪

♪ I know you know
they just don't have any proof ♪

♪ embrace the deception

♪ learn how to bend

♪ your worst inhibitions

♪ tend to psych you out in the end ♪

- Where are the cops?
- They're done.

We're just getting started.

Whoa, whoa. Okay, Shawn,
defying Juliet is one thing,

but this is
a high-profile case.

- A cop was shot.
- No, Gus, a cop was not shot.

- My dad was shot.
- I know this, Shawn.

If you want out, just say the word now.

I'm in, Shawn.
I'm obviously in.

Let's do this.

That's the spirit.

- I'm out! I'm so out!
- Sorry. You can't be out.

- You just offered me an out.
- Yeah, and you didn't take it.

It's a nice house.

Too nice.

I mean, there's a lot more money here

than the 50 grand he took
under the table...

from the Blue Derby.

Our friend Jerry is knee-deep
into something bigger, Gus.

I mean, he's
into some serious wealth here.

We're not just talking
about some bad cop

who was on the take once 20 years ago.

It takes money to disappear, Gus.

He hasn't touched his cash.
He hasn't touched his ATM.

- So?
- So...

- It means somebody's helping him.
- I think

maybe you're the one that
needs help right now, Shawn.

Oh, yeah? I think maybe
you're the one that needs help!

You're kind of scaring me, Shawn.

I tend to agree
on the mental-health angle

Juliet is playing right now.

All right, fine, Gus.
I'm gonna offer you

- your second out.
- I'm out.

- What?
- I'm out.

- You can't take the second out!
- Why not?

Because it's a courtesy out.
It's perfunctory.

You have to turn it down first.

How many rules do these outs have?

A bunch. I don't even
know all of 'em.

[Clicks tongue]
[Distant door rattling]




[Whispering] What are we
gonna do if this is Carp?

Do you happen to have a gun?

When have I ever had a gun, Shawn?

All right, we simply tackle him,

because he's 118 years old.

What? No. The one thing
we do know about this guy

is that he has does have a gun,
and he likes to use it.

Do you think he'll be mad
that I broke his figurine?

His figurine?
You broke half his house.

- I want to use my out now.
- All right, you can take it.

Thank you.

- I told you! I told you!
- Damn it, Spencer.

I should have known.

- Shawn, you lied to me.
- No, I didn't.

Gus thought it would be,
uh, cathac--cath--

uh, cath--
What am I trying to say?

- Cathartic.
- Don't make stuff up.

Healing if I came here
and broke stuff--

- What?
- Do you know what? It wasn't.

No, I did not.
Since we were here,

I just wanted to make sure
you guys didn't...

you know, miss anything.

This guy may be a cop-shooter,
but he knows

how to put together a rumpus room.

No way!

This is an MK-367 land mine.
It's Russian black market.

This is hands-down
my favorite land mine.

It detonates not when you step
on it, but when you step off.

Here, listen
for the double-click.


Sweet music. And then...

nothin' but red mist.


Carlton, stop playing with the evidence.

Shawn, you were never here.

I'm sorry, you guys,

I don't--
I'm just a little--[Whistles]

I-I should go
check on my dad.

[Camera shutter clicks]

- It's for my decorator.
- Oh, my God.

This is so cool.

Wait. What?
Hello? The--

doctor says my dad
is showing slight improvement.

So why do you look unhappy?

Because it sounded like he said

his fiancee was helping out a lot.


Why are we visiting
an offensive establishment?

- Because Carp owns it.
- No, he does not.

We saw his holdings in his file.
The cops checked him out--

the same cops who told you
to stay off this case.

He pays bills on this place, Gus.

It means he's connected,
and if he's a silent partner,

what better place to hide out?

Now, come on, let's go shoot stuff.

Don't ever do that again, Shawn.

Jerry Carp is not hiding
in the woman's bathroom, Shawn.

- A little subtlety, please?
- Jerry Carp is not a man.

Can I help you, boys?

Well, I certainly hope so.

My name is Shawnaise.

This is my partner, Gurn Blandsten.


We are entrepreneurs from Seattle.

We opened the first blow-dart
party pound-up in Tukwila,

so, clearly, we know what we're doing.

- [Chuckles]
- We'd like to open one of these

- up there.
- A gun range?

That's right, but for kids.

We'd like the same deal--
offensive stereotype logo,

whole shebang.

May we speak
with the owner--Jerry?


Well, he's not the owner,
and he doesn't come around much.

- Oh, I see.
- Hmm.

Well, may we speak with the owner?

- No.
- Fair enough.


This is old and ridiculous.
It won't do.

I beg your pardon?

I need something bigger, man.
Maybe something semiautomatic--

something I can shoot a caribou with.

That's my dream--
not for sport,

just for their general
superior attitude.

I wouldn't kill one.
No, sir.

Just teach those cocky bastards
a little humility

by grazing it in its horn.

Give me that.
I want to talk to the owner.

Jack don't come out here
unless there's a problem.


Please do not do this.

Screw you, angry birds!


- [Grunts]
- Aah!

Do not go boneless, Shawn.

I demand to speak with Jack!

Yeah, you're gonna have
a hell of a wait.

Ain't no one gonna see Atwater
for a while.

Hold up, hold up.

Jack Atwater?

You know him?

- Jack!
- Who are we chasing?

Jack Atwater--detective
who used to work with my dad.

Yeah, I put him in jail.
Last week.

And why is he gonna talk to us?

Why do you think, Gus?
Anything he says to help out

means less time for him on the inside.

This guy tried to kill you last week.

Pretended to try and kill me.
There's a difference.

Trust me--we need him.

All right, Jack, we're all ears.

Shawn, you got to believe me,
I was just trying

to scare you off.

All right, I did a bad thing.

I tried to hide
that Blue Derby business,

but I never thought Carp
would shoot Henry. I didn't.

I told the D.A.
I'll tell everything,

even before you came here.

If it makes me look better
with the judge, so be it.

I just need to know where Carp is.

He's got a lot of friends, Shawn.

He don't need to go far.


- We got a shooter!
- Down!

Prisoner is down.
I repeat--Atwater's down.

I've never seen you like this.

Honestly, Jules, what have I done...

besides come up
with some answers for this case,

and not charge you for them?

You are acting impulsively
in a very dangerous way.

You don't see
that this behavior is erratic?

And now our best witness is dead.

Look, whoever the shooter is,
they were gonna kill Jack

whether we were there or not,

and, technically, I had an out.

The shooter's position was optimal.

It's obviously someone who knew
the area, knew the pickup time.

I'm guessing local.

Took that shot
at 150 yards in a crosswind.

There's only a few people in town

who can make something like that,

and, well, I'm standing here.

Nicely done, all.

I mean, Mr. Guster,

you subsequently complimented
and then sold out your friend,

and, Carlton, you just
complimented yourself

on your shooting abilities,

and, O'Hara, you just
implicated yourself

in having knowledge
of Spencer's wrongdoings.

In my defense, chief, I am that good,

and there's
an anatomically correct trophy

over my toilet that confirms that fact.

Clear the room, now.

Yes, ma'am.

But not you, Shawn.

There is nothing more dangerous

than having an investigator
who is emotionally involved.

You sure about that?

How about a raccoon
with a discarded malaria sample?

And I'd be crazy to tell you
to go after Jerry Carp.

- Yeah, I know that, chief.
- No, you don't.

See, I would be
absolutely crazy to tell you,

the closest thing that we have
to a sure thing,

to go out there and find
this dirty son of a bitch.

What are you saying, chief?

You are not to go after Carp...

and we never had this conversation.

We did.

We didn't.

Shawn, when we were thrown out of here,

what part of "banned for life"
did you misinterpret?

All of it. I accept the fact
that Shawn Spencer

has been banned for life, however...

Soupcan Sam has no such restrictions.

No, no, no, Shawn.

Not only do these people have guns,

they hand them out to other people

who hate you for ruining their
"Rules and Regulations" sign.

You're not going in there
with your worst disguise.

Are you kidding me?
This is my best disguise,

second only to jaundice Jimmy,
which I would have gone with

if you hadn't eaten
all the yellow mustard.

- Did you make yourself corn dogs?
- No.

I rest my case.

[Sighs] I'm just gonna go in there,

act like I need to use the can,

maybe give myself
a little bum bath--

you know, "splash, splash,
cheek, cheek," then call it.

- Shawn--
- Look, bottom line...

I need to see
that hall-of-fame board.

Took the shot
at 150 yards in a crosswind.

There's only a few people
in town who can make that shot.

- A gun range?
- That's right, but for kids.

Would you like to see my heinie?

Oh, my gosh. You look like
the bird lady from Mary Poppins.

I can't let you go in there alone.

Gus, I have one beard--one.

What do you suggest we do?

Uh, $10, 4 chairs...

clean whistle...
help myself.

- [Coughing]
- [Laughing]

What the hell voice is that?

That's my delivery man,
Satchel--Satchel Gizmo.

He's likeable, so everyone
let's him into places.

He's indecipherable and constipated.

- That's a part of his charm.
- His charm is that

- he's all stopped up?
- He's been married nine times.

How much backstory did you
come up with for this guy?

Oh, right.

[Door opens, closes]


Lassie wasn't kidding.
He is that good.

Our friend Jerry is knee-deep
into something bigger, Gus.

We're not just talking
about some bad cop

who was on the take once 20 years ago.

[Cell phone ringing]

What are you boys doin' back here?

Hey, pop.

He's not talking yet.

That's one of the last things
to come back,

so he's writing to communicate.

He's not far from out of the woods,

but he's coming along really well,

thanks to his remarkable
little lady here.


I've just been keeping on talking,

just keepin' him away
from that white light.

[Giggles] Just talk and talk.

You know, it's just like this.
It keeps him awake.

I will not.
Stop it.

- Gus, seriously?
- He's not gonna eat it, Shawn.

Listen, pop,
I know who Jack's shooter is.

He's an old friend of Carp's
named James Earl Vest.

Do you know who?

He's a cop.
Still on the force?


[Paper rustling]

He's a private security guy.

All right, we, uh--any idea
who he's working for?

- "Feed Everyone."
- You got it.

He didn't mean it like that, Gus.

You don't know what he meant, Shawn.

You hang in there.
We're on this.


Look at you, all springy and new.

I hope you're ready for
the sponge bath of a lifetime.

[Purrs, giggles]

Spread the word.


Vest left the force,
not by choice, I might add.

Now he heads up security
for Julian Drake,

whose book title you used
as justification to steal food

from a man on life support.

Why would you give cake
to a man who has feeding tubes?

[Whispering] There he is.

That's him.
That's Vest, the bald guy.

Dollars for doughnuts, that's the sniper

that killed Jack Atwater.

What's the plan?

Push our way to the front, disarm him,

force him to turn over Carp,
possibly involve pepper spray.

Can we do something
a little more subtle?

[Both clicking tongue]


- Thank you so much for coming.
- Thanks.

- You want this signed?
- Yes, please.

- This isn't my book.
- Oh, really? My mistake.

This is Everyone Poops.

Except my girlfriend.

Would you make it out
to "Shawn," anyway?

"Shawn," the guy who's gonna
bring down Jerry Carp.

- Jerry--
- Sir, can we have a word?

Yeah, in a minute.
Could you also add

that I know who killed
Jack Atwater as well?

I apologize for the long inscription,

but trust me, it's gonna be
way more powerful this way.

- I'm confused.
- It's not about you, sir.

And let me just say,
I really like your initiative

to nourish the victims of war.

- Thank you.
- Atwater with an "A"...

- k-i-l-l-e-d Atwater.
- That's about enough.

What are you gonna do?

You gonna shoot me
with your long-range rifle?

Isn't that your move?

Or you gonna do it point-blank
style like your buddy Jerry?

Sir, we're gonna have
to talk about this outside.

We're outmanned here, Shawn.

Please, these guys are like
Buckingham Palace guards, Gus.

They can't even lay a finger on us.



See you soon.

Get in line.

Shawn, you can't duck me forever.

This is crazy. You are crazy.
You need to stop.

We are in way over our heads.

We have redefined the words
"over our heads."

"Over Our Heads,"
great title for a movie

about two short guys
who pretend to be one tall guy

in order to get
a basketball scholarship.

Gus, would you relax?

We just needed to stir up
the hornet's nest a bit.

Carp is gonna make a move,

and I made jerk chicken apology nachos.

I'm listening,
but only until I finish eating.

Uh, uh, wait a beat.
They're piping hot.

Look, we need to flush him out, right?

And what do we know?
Well, for one, we know--


Uh, did you hear that?

Yes, I did.

- Is that the sound of--
- Carp's land mine?

Yes, it is, Gus.

Shawn is going to be
just fine--I'm sure of it.

Then why do you have two
body bags tucked under your arm?

No reason, dear.
No reason at all.

[Whispering] What if I grab them?

Then we'll die.

Uh, we're gonna die anyway, Shawn.

[Over megaphone] Okay, listen carefully.

In a few moments, my men will be
coming in to freeze the device.

Once that's been accomplished,

our mobile disposal unit
will enter to remove it.

It is important that you do not move.

Do you see the removal unit?


But we do see Johnny 5
from the Short Circuit movies.

Just guide us to the general
vicinity, and we'll take over.

Okay, fine.

Go straight.

Just keep going straight.

Slow down. Now turn.

No, no, no.
The other way.

Stop, clamp, and spin.

I'm not sure
this is the correct position.

Clamp and spin, damn it!

Device disarmed, performing extraction.

We have cleared the building,
prepping for disposal.

Defused and secure--
all clear.

[Both breathing heavily]

- Oh. Oh!
- Jelly legs!

[Both whimpering]

[Both grunting]

I wonder if their buns are glazed.

Jules, why are you so worried?

Shawn, you're lucky they
were able to defuse that thing.

Now that Carp has gone
after you and your dad,

I'm worried you're gonna go
all Mel Gibson from that movie.

Look, the similarities
between me and Mel's character

end with his washboard abs and the fact

that I have a black partner
who mumbles a lot.

I am off this case, okay?

In fact, I'm about to have

a nice breakfast with Gus right now.

I'll call you later.
Big, fat kisses.

Big, fat kisses.

Shawn, you know this isn't Jethro's,

home of the deep-fried
doughnut burger.

In fact, this is the warehouse
for Feed Everyone.

Uh, I'm sorry, Gus.
This is my mistake.

But, uh, since we're here...


might as well take a look around.


Nope. Nope. Nope.

I want to use my out now.

You'd be wise to hold on to it, Gus.

Remember when the judges
on American Idol used the save

on that blind pianist
who looked like Bruce Hornsby?

Scott MacIntyre wasn't saved.

Well, he should have been.

The man sang like a sightless angel.

Shawn, I'm pretty sure
there are extra laws

against breaking into a charity.

Not when said charity
is the headquarters for the guy

who just tried to kill you.

I thought Carp was the guy
going after us.

He is.

Vest must be his triggerman.

He had him pop Jack
before he could squeal,

and then tried
to do the same thing to us.

Here, give me
my break-in brick.

I'm not lifting a finger
until I get some nourishment.

The only thing I've had
since those nachos last night

is a box of pop-tarts
and a moons over my hammy.

Fine. Here, have some, uh--
have some tuna.

That would be like taking food
out of poor people's mouths,

- Shawn.
- They also have peaches.

Oh, I'll eat me some peaches.

Come on.

There's another crate in here.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Break enough glass today?


That dirty, filthy son of a bitch.

I really like your initiative
to nourish the victims of war.

Thank you.

Drake's not supplying food
to war-torn regions.

He's supplying weapons.

No wonder the guy is so rich.

He takes people's donations,
uses 'em to buy guns,

- sells 'em off to warlords.
- Warlords?

Using the access
he has from his charity.

- I'm sick to my stomach.
- Yeah, I know, Gus.

This is about as sleazy as it gets.

No, I'm really sick toy stomach.

I think these peaches are rotten.

Then stop eating them.

I bet you anything Drake's
the one who's protecting Carp.

Why? Because Carp
provides him with his weapons.

How? Through
he and Jack's business.

They just swapped 'em out,
make 'em untraceable.

- Can I help you, boys?
- Well, I certainly hope so.

We find Drake, we find Carp.

[Gun cocks]
You made a major mistake.


Well, so have you, man.

Wearing loafers with white socks
is a serious no-no.


No, you freeze.

Well, look at this.

It seems we have ourselves
a little Mexican standoff.

It would only be
a Mexican standoff, Shawn,

if you were pointing a gun at Lassie.

- How does that make it Mexican?
- I don't know.

Watch it, Mack.

I will throw this cup of rotten peaches

directly at your face as hard as I can.

I'm FBI.


Have a look for yourself.
Check my front pocket.

- Guster, check it.
- What?

Check it!

It's all right, man.
I got you.

Both: The blazer!

Why would you go low?

- How was I supposed to--
- Just check it!

Put your gun down.

Why would you go low?

Do you have any idea how long
I've been working undercover

- for Julian Drake?
- And I assure you,

had they known that you were on the job,

- they would have backed off.
- Mm.

It's taken us six months to
get a handle on his operations.


It took me all of three hours.

Please, like you know anything.

I know Julian Drake runs a phony charity

as a front
for his arms business--

arms that are being supplied
by a Jerry Carp.

Carp is currently
being protected by Drake

somewhere in Santa Barbara right now.

How am I doin' so far?

Jerry Carp's
a low-level player.

- We don't give a damn about him.
- Well, I don't give a damn

about your soft, peachy,
Anthony Michael Hall-ish face!

- Take a breath.
- What is the point of his face?

Chief, please tell me we're
not gonna listen to that thing.

We don't have a choice.

The FBI now has jurisdiction here.

Okay, so no one--
I repeat--

no one associated with this department

can now go after Carp or Drake.
Is that clear?


You're going after him, aren't you?

Come on, Jules,
what do you want from me?

Honesty would be a good start.
I am trying to help you.

Oh, yeah? Then help me
find this guy.

You know I can't do that.

Look, I'm worried
about what could happen to you.

Look, if they fire me, they fire me.

That's not what
I'm talking about, Shawn.

These are very dangerous people.

Look, I appreciate the concern, I do,

but I got to go.


Are you sure that chief vick
said this was okay?

Gus, she simply
could not have been any clearer.

There's Vest.

There's Julian.

Now we're just missing Carp.

Where are you, you son of a bitch?

I know you're in there somewhere.


We got him.
We got him!

I'm guessing now is
about the time you'd like to--

Use my out?
Most definitely.

I was gonna say,
"have some bacon."

There are two strips of very crisp bacon

that I brought for you in my bag.

Man, I ate those a half hour ago.

They were surprisingly crisp,

but what exactly is the plan here?

What do you think the plan is, man?

We're gonna barge in there.
We're gonna bust Carp's ass.

And what about
the three dudes on the deck

playing cards with Howitzers?

Would you stop overthinking this?

It's not going to work
unless you have a sure-fire way

to take out three armed dudes, Shawn.

[Clicks tongue]

[Rock music playing]

I tied it to the support beam.

What are you doing?
You're acting like a madman.

- More like a lethal weapon.
- What?

I'm about to take out this balcony.

[Tires squealing]

Shawn, this isn't gonna work!


[Loud crash]

- You hit a speed bump, huh?
- Yeah.

Damn German engineering.

- Car's Japanese.
- That's correct.

But, uh, the speed bump
was made in Hamburg.

It's like a little
mini Berlin Wall--old version.

- This is gonna take a while.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

So what's our next move?

There's no "our next move," Shawn.

I'm done helping you go after Carp.

What? What are you
talking about?

- I didn't give you an out.
- I don't care.

The only reason
why we're not dead right now

is because their card game ended
and they went back inside.

Juliet was definitely right about you.

What do you mean
right about me? About what?

That you're too emotionally
invested in this case

- to be involved.
- [Clicks tongue]

Look, I want nothing more
than to bust Carp,

but we keep going on this crazy train,

we're gonna end up like the Blueberry.

Okay, fine, fine, fine!
You want out? Then get out!

- Yes, I will, I will.
- You get out!

On second thought, I'm out of here.

- Fine.
- See ya!

See ya!

- Why aren't you leaving?
- I don't have a ride.


Get in the car.

All right.

What are you doing here?

Just get in the car.

I hope you ate.
We got a lot of work to do.

All right, Julian and one of
the guards are out of the house.

Now's the time.

You want to go over the plan again?

Nope. No, I think I got it.


Look, I'm sorry this is
as far as I can take you.

Lassie, you've already done
enough to lose your job

and then some.

Plus, you got to think about Marlowe.

The fact that you guys
still haven't, you know--

I'm not going to have
that conversation with you.

Look, just--
if there's any surprises,

- get the hell out of there, okay?
- No sweat.


- Can I ask you something?
- If you must.

Why are you helping me, really?

I figure, there was nothing on earth

that was going to stop you from
going after your dad's shooter.


I'd do the same thing
if I were in your shoes.

- And?
- And what? That's it.

You care about me.

- Get out of the car.
- Your heart hearts me.

- Seriously, get out of the car.
- All right.


But if you just said it once aloud,

I promise you'd feel free.

I love you, man.


love you.

Hello, ass face.


What are you doing here?

I just picked up the Cranberry

and thought I'd swing by to make sure

you weren't doing something stupid.

What is the Cranberry?

It's the loaner I got from the shop,

which you're never touching, by the way.

It's the same car, but in maroon.

Greatest name ever.

I'm not letting you do
whatever you're about to do.

You're gonna get yourself killed.

No, no, no.
Don't worry.

Lassie helped me draw up a plan
to get in there and nail Carp.

You're taking ideas from Lassie?

Man, you've really lost your mind.

Seriously, it's pretty sweet.

Here, check out that guard.

[Chuckles] That was us.

Look, they ordered Chinese
a little while ago.

We intercepted it, took it back
to the Psych office,

laced it with vomiting agent
called ipecac.

That's why there were
random pieces of orange chicken

on your desk?

Oh, come on, Gus, tell me you didn't.


I'm sorry, this won't be pretty for you.

Look, man, I got to initiate phase two.

It involves luring the guards
away from the house.


Lassie planted some explosives
over there in that area.

You're not ready for this.

The Cranberry!

I guess he put 'em over there.



Please tell me you have
insurance on that thing.



I guess that's a "no."

- What was that?
- Check it out.

Find out what's going on!

[Bullets firing]

[Grunts, screaming]

Evening, Jerry.

Shawn Spencer,
I had a feeling you were coming.

I applaud you for your bravery.

Yeah, I wish I could return
that compliment.

Come on, you're coming with me.

[Laughing] Now, why would
I want to do something like--

Because if you don't,
I will blow you away.

Now drop it.

Hey, that's my gun.

So you know it works.

Now move.

Think about this, Shawn.
I got a lot of money.

Trust me, Jerry,
you'll need every penny.

Dirty cops are all the rage at Lompoc.

That's enough of that.

[Laughs] I'll be damned.

This is the second Mexican standoff

I've been a part of today.

I'm not sure you know
the proper meaning of that term.

Drop it.

You're making things
very difficult for me lately.

- I'm a very busy man.
- Oh, I know.

You've got donors to defraud
and wars to worsen

and kittens to drown,

all while moving
your operations to, uh...


Yes, I found their government

to be a bit friendlier
to people in my line of work.

Yeah, well, unless
you're leaving in the next hour,

you're still totally screwed.

I'm betting there's a team of FBI agents

headed here right now.

Did you tip them off?

No, but I know who did.

Does he look like that guy?

I'm afraid the cavalry isn't coming.

You're right.

I don't know what a Mexican standoff is.

- [Grunts]
- Oh!


I didn't think you had that in you.


The man's a writer...
from England.

You know, Shawn, I used to think

you were different
from your dad, but you're not.

You're both stubborn,
and you're both stupid,

and you don't know when to quit.

I'll quit...
when you're behind bars...

or dead.

I honestly don't have a
preference at this point, Jerry.

Good-bye, Shawn.



- Are you okay?
- Never better.

How can I possibly thank you
for this one?

Get down on your knees.

I kind of meant that rhetorically.


I've got the greatest girlfriend ever.

[Sighs] Jules...

I got to tell you,
shooting Jerry Carp is easily

the most romantic thing
anyone has ever done for me.

Well, I kind of figured
the whole "couples massage

followed by a home-cooked meal"
thing was a little played out.

[Scoffs] Well...

So do you feel better
now that you got Carp?

I certainly don't feel any worse.

Didn't make my dad any better.

Just remember, you're not
going through this alone, okay?

So the next time
you decide to risk your life,

remember that there's someone
that loves you

who's worried sick.

I know.


I kid, I kid.

[Imitates punch landing]
"Oh, but I love you!"

- [Laughs]
- [Imitates punch landing] Ugh!

[Cell phone chimes]

- What is it?
- My dad's doctor.

He says I need to get
down there A.S.A.P.


Hey, what's going on?
Is he all right?

He's more than all right.
His vitals have all stabilized.

He's gonna make it.

I was just telling the nice doctor here

that this tragedy
has actually brought our family

closer together.

Wouldn't you agree, Juliet?

- Who is that?
- [Mumbling] I'll explain later.

I'm just about to remove his tubes.

He'll be able to speak momentarily.

Thank you for making our Shawn so happy.

You're welcome?


Dad, speak.

Chelsea, you're a sweet girl

who probably has a lot to offer,
but I'm a bit older than you

and in a different place in my life,

so I appreciate the support,
but we should part our ways

and never, ever see each other again,

so please don't take this
personally--it's me, not you.

But mostly you.

[Chuckles] He's back.

Oh, pop-pop,
let's make a baby.

I hear you.
I just--I'm just sayin', pop,

I think you could do a lot worse than

a considerably younger blonde
with boundless energy

who doesn't mind giving sponge baths.


Listening to that cackle
for the last two days

was worse than being shot.

It's shrill.


in any case, it's good to hear
your voice again.


You know that you're an idiot
for going after Carp like that?

- Of all the stupid, boneheaded--
- You know what?

I take back what I just said.

Nurse, can we get
some more tubes in here?

They don't have to be fresh tubes.


I'm just happy that you're safe.

Right back at you.

Yeah, you need to get some sleep.


Woody, he's sleeping.

For now.

I'll just hang out a bit.

[Zipper opens]