Psych (2006–2014): Season 5, Episode 4 - Chivalry Is Not Dead... But Someone Is - full transcript

A wealthy widow's young date is murdered, pitting Shawn and Gus against a dirty rotten scoundrel they are convinced trained the victim to be a con artist.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Hey, look at us, man.

We got it
pretty good, huh?

Mmm, living in Santa Barbara,
beautiful night,

two perfect women on our arms.
How'd we do it?

Hey, hey, is this...
Is this pocket square okay?

Yeah, yeah, looks great.


Wait, wait, wait, wait,
are those the right glasses

for these drinks?
Because we can't...

Hey, hey, be cool.
We got this.

Hello, hello.
We're back.

Well, what does a lady have to do
around here to get a dry martini?

Patience is a virtue.

So are broad shoulders,

but it doesn't mean I like
to wait for them.

Cheers, ladies.


Are you all right?

Would someone please tell me

why you would drag
Gus and I out of bed

in the middle of the night
to come down here

and tend to an elderly woman
who's simply resting her eyes?

This is not a crime scene.
She's not dead.

You're not dead, are you?


Oh. Will you focus, Shawn?
We need this case.

Do something.


I can clearly see a victim.
In the prime of his life.

Spencer, we don't need
your particular brand

of theatrics
here this evening.

Go home.
Go back to bed.

Lassie, are you kidding me?
The death of this man

is like staring
my own mortality in the face.

If someone
is out there killing

handsome and
youthful bachelors

in Santa Barbara,
then all of us are in danger.

Maybe not all of us,
but certainly Gus and myself.

Spencer, we've been here
all of eight minutes.

For all we know, he just slipped
off the balcony and fell.

Well, in that case, we should all
be looking for a banana peel.

Or a roller skate.

Perhaps a wet bar of soap, though that
seems the unlikeliest of the three.

McNab, please escort these
gentlemen out of here.

Okay, Lassie, okay, you win.

No reason to get excited.

Buzz, I think
we can see ourselves out.

No sign of wrist fractures
or ankle fractures.

Tell me this guy didn't try to
brace his fall from 20 feet.

All right, let's start getting
witness statements.

Who do you want, the creepy
old ladies or the Ken dolls?

The Ken dolls.

We're still waiting for
toxicology to confirm,

but it does look like he was
dead before he hit the ground.

Appears to be poisoning. So kudos to Mr.
Spencer. Sorry, Carlton.

In Lassie's defense,
toxicology is not a science.

Actually, it's the science
of studying toxins.

Get out of here.
No, it is.

Well, I guess that does make
you look a little foolish.

You know what? I've got the
homerun suspect on this one.

Once I was given five minutes
to collect my thoughts,

I recognized the victim's date
as one Gillian Tucker,

formerly Miss
Gillian Vanderholt.

Oh, I thought
I recognized her.

She used to be married
to Walter Vanderholt.

Closed the case on his
suicide five months ago,

but something
never sat right with me.

What are you getting at?

I think she murdered her
husband and got away with it.

Now she's dating our victim,
and suddenly he's dead, too?

Come on, Chief,
let me run with this one.

What if we let them
work together?

but together.

That lonely bald guy
in the corner makes no sense.

Am I the only person
that's freaked out

he's been sitting there
the whole time?

Henry, this is your call.

You're the one in charge
of consultants.

You're not afraid of the competition,
are you, Shawn? Of course not.

As long as it doesn't involve
people trying to best each other.

Well, I'm up for it.

Matter of fact,
I've already won.

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

All right, let's bag and tag everything
in the victim's medicine cabinet

and move on over to Gillian
the cradle robber.


Why is it that
a wealthy older man

can date a younger woman
and he's a hero,

yet an older woman
chooses to empower herself

and date a younger man, and she's
considered some sort of social pariah?

Because it's gross.

Spencer, what the hell
are you doing?

Sorry, Lassie.
It was not my intent

to cause you to make that
noise in front of the group.

But in order to get into
the mindset of the victim,

I rented American Gigolo
last night.

You think
this is prostitution?

Lance Tolkin
didn't have a job, Jules.

He's dating a woman
twice his age

and there's a Super Troopers
pinball machine in his bedroom.

It didn't pay for itself.

Gus, I'm going to need
some help here.

Just stay out of our way,

Killing with Class.

The Art of Seduction through
Charm and Sophistication.

The question is,
who exactly is he killing?

Hmm. Huh.

"To Lance,
one of my most artful

"and gentlemanly students.
Happy hunting.

Cordially, Clive Prescott."



Gus, I do believe we found
a lead of our own.

How's your feet?
I can't feel them.

Wait, Gus.

I need you to be my legs.

Gentlemen, if you want
to continue spend your nights

with diner waitresses
and tollbooth attendants,

then by all means
carry on your miserable way.

But if you want to surround
yourself with sophistication,

with elegant women

who can give you anything
your heart desires,

then ask yourself
the question,

what is the picture that
you are painting of yourself?

What is this, like fight club
for butlers?

For instance,
what did these two, uh,

boys do wrong?

Ah, there must be
some sort of mistake.

We're not students.

I'm Psychic Detective,
Shawn Spencer.

This is my partner, Chaz Bono.

Psychic detective.

Gentlemen, this is just
what I'm talking about.

If you're going to create
a fake occupation,

at least make it
sound real.

I'm also
a pharmaceutical salesman.

Well, that sounds pathetic.
And it's certainly not sexy.

Whoa. Seriously, dude,

this whole gentleman thing
is not for me.

I mean, it's a little bit
dated, don't you think?

What I think,
is that with my method,

there is no eligible
woman I couldn't seduce.

How about you?

Let's just say
I do fine on my own, okay?

I'm good.



What do you mean, "Really?"
What do you mean, "Really?"

When was your last
successful relationship?

Define relationship.

The way in which two or more
concepts, objects or people

are connected or the state
of being connected.


I hardly think Emmanuel Lewis is
an authority on relationships.

May I ask you a personal question?

Have you ever been
tested for idiocy?

We're here to conduct
official police business,

and we've got some pretty
serious questions for you

about the death of one of
your students, Lance Tolkin.

Gentlemen, I think
we can call it a day.

I'm telling you,
she's not going to show.

By now, she's probably
halfway to Acapulco.

Carlton, let's not jump
to conclusions.

Gillian Tucker is still a very
prominent woman in this town.

Look, O'Hara, in my book,
it's pretty cut and dry.

This sick twit sees an opportunity
to off her rich, older husband,

and then she gets herself
a little boy toy.

But who knows, maybe
he figures out her secret,

so she decides
to off him, too,

and then it's on
to the next set of pecs.

Maybe the killing feels good,

like the soft, supple flesh
of a man buck.

You disturb me.

And your theory
on this murder disturbs me.

And you disturb me.

You said that twice.

I'm so sorry to keep
you waiting, officers.

This whole ordeal,
since it happened,

I'm just beside myself.

I find it difficult
just getting out of bed.

Miss Tucker, thank you very
much for coming down here.

We just have
a couple of questions.

Please, have a seat.

Do you recognize me,
Miss Tucker?

I was the detective looking into
your late husband's suicide.

No, I believe that was
a much younger man.

Less salt and pepper.

We are very, very sorry
for your loss, Miss Tucker,

and seriously, I'm sorry,
you just got out of bed?

You know, you have
a funny way of mourning.

You sure didn't
waste any time

getting back on that horse
after your husband's death.

I'm late for
a business meeting.

I don't ride horses,

Miss Tucker, are you
trying to seduce me?

Not even a little.

I'm not going to lie,
I was not in a happy marriage,

but I have my own way
of mourning

and I assume you
have yours as well.

What is a woman my age
supposed to do, Detective?


Carlton, can I talk to you
for a second?

Now? Hmm?

Carlton, she is not
going to a business meeting.

I think she's going
on a date.

What makes you say that?

Well, who's she doing her hair
and makeup for, you?


It's called being a detective
and a woman.

She's being interviewed
by two homicide cops,

and she's primping like that?
Not for a meeting.

And if she's lying
about where she's going,

she's lying
about other things, too.

Maybe you're right.
We should tail her.

That's not what I said.

O'Hara, would you stop disagreeing
with me when I'm agreeing with you?


Can you tell us
about Lance Tolkin?

Can I? Meaning do I have the neurological
and verbal ability to do so?

Sorry. Will you?

I've heard it both ways.

Maybe on a farm you have.

Lance Tolkin had not yet mastered
the art of, um, manners.

I'll leave it at that.

I'm sensing
the exact opposite.

Didn't you refer to him as one
of your most artful students?

One point for you, psychic.

Did something happen
between you two?

Look, was he
a good student? Yes.

Did he show potential?
Perhaps more than the others.

He was good, but maybe
not as good as he thought.

You sound a little angry.

Anger is easy.

A gentleman takes his ire
and turns it into insight.

That's in chapter three
of my book.

Good day.

What's that?


"Dear Gentlemen, thank you
for your inquiries

"about the death of my
former student, Lance Tolkin.

"Good luck
with the investigation.

"Cordially, Clive Prescott."

What the...
It's a thank you note.

This is what
I'm talking about.

This guy's playing
with us, Gus.

This whole gentleman
thing is a sham.

I'm going to prove it, too.

Eyes peeled, O'Hara.

This is where
we let her hang herself.

What... Guster, what the hell?

That's a good way
to get yourself shot.

What the hell are
you wearing, Spencer?

I ain't Spencer.
I'm Soup Can Sam.

And unlike some detectives, when
Gus and I show up for a stakeout,

we try to blend in
with the regular people.

Well, who's Gus
supposed to be?

I'm a regular guy in a car.
I blend in fine.

Well, at least someone finally
realized who the right suspect is.

I guess someone did.

Hey, he thinks
we're tailing her?

She's obviously
meeting her new boy toy.

Maybe one even younger
than the last.


Who do you think she's
meeting with? Justin Bieber?

Lassie, have you considered
the possibility

that she's the
victim here?

Here we go!

Who the hell is that?
That's our guy.

Clive Prescott.

Shawn, what are
you getting at?

We know who the murderer is.

And we have
the homerun suspect.

And he is Santa Barbara's biggest
dirty, rotten scoundrel.

The cops already got my statement
the night of the crime.

I know, we read your statement.
We have questions of our own.

We now believe someone may have poisoned Mr.
Tolkin's drink.

Do you remember what his drink
orders were that night?

Uh, normally I wouldn't,
but his caught my attention.

It was different,
classy, cool.

Yes. Sea breeze.

Uh, no.
A Gabardine Hightail.

Two parts Brora scotch, one part
Drambuie, a teaspoon honey.

It was Mr. Tolkin's favorite.

In fact, Miss Tucker brought a
private bottle of Brora scotch

for me to keep
behind the bar that night.

Just for Mr. Tolkin.

Did she now?

We're going to
need that bottle.

Yes, Dad,
we're following him now.

I'm surprised you didn't
ask to sit in the back seat.

Your hunch was
more than good, Shawn.

Prescott's last known
liaison was Lorraine Bell,

one of the wealthiest widows
in Santa Barbara.

Maybe we should check her out
when we're finished here.

Yeah, it's going to
be kind of hard.

She's dead.

She went on vacation
with Prescott

to South America
and never came back.

Died in a drowning accident.

That's interesting, Pop,
but, uh...

He's slowing down.
We got to go.

Wait! Wait, Shawn.

I think this guy is dangerous.
I want you to be careful.


I think my dad is
starting to like me.

Look at that, Gus,

he's literally
taking her to the bank.

What's the next stop?
The cleaners?

I thought you said

we were just
going to follow him?

That wouldn't be very much
fun, now would it, Gus?

What are you gentlemen
doing here?

I'm here
to see my money.

They keep it in a special room
in the back with a trampoline.

I'm going to roll around in it
for a while, maybe make it rain.

It's sort of like that movie Indecent
Proposal, except no sex. Maybe sex.

Miss Tucker,
I'm Shawn Spencer,

psychic detective
with the SBPD.

I'm sensing that
you enjoy the company of

younger men.

And for obvious reasons, I
can't take my eyes off of you.

If you're done sniffing us,
we have an appointment.

Excuse us.

What the hell was that?

The manager's hair?


You heard what my dad said.

This guy fleeces women
and they end up dead.

We got to keep him away
from her, slow down this train

until we get the proof
that we need.

Shawn, is this about your ego
and trying to prove

that you have more game
than this guy?

Gus, I've never been
more offended.

That would be a nice bonus.

You're on your own.

Miss Tucker,

I apologize for
being so abrupt,

but as a psychic,
my gift is connection.

Knowing without saying,
learning without asking,

eating without chewing.

It would be my pleasure

to accompany you
on the town this evening.

Perhaps we could
paint it purple

since we were both
born in February.

That's amazing.
How did you do that?

Little bit of this, whole lot
of that, and just a tinge of...

Um, would you mind if I had
a word with Mr. Spencer?


What do you think
you're doing?

Obviously, I'm flirting
with the newly available widow

that happens to be
your dear, dear friend.

Yeah, well, you're way out of your
league, so why don't you back out?

Oh, you think I can't
handle your game?

It's not a game.
That's your first mistake.

Ah! You just pushed my competitive
button, and now it's on.

I'd be frightened if you were
wearing any buttons.

Miss Tucker, I am so sorry to have
exposed you to these juvenile antics.

Clive, I think
he's rather adorable.

So is a gibbon, but have you
ever tried to eat with one?

No, this man-boy here
lacks all culture,

elegance, and he smells
of buffalo wings.

Ha! That is where
you are wrong, sir.

What you're smelling are buffalo
wing-flavored Snyder's pretzels of Hanover.

It's America's pretzel.

And Hanover's, obviously.

Do you see now why this
would be such a bad mistake?

Gillian. Have you ever
dated a man

who was triple jointed?

Um, no, I can't say
that I have.

That's a shame. I was hoping to discuss
it with you tonight on our date.

Well, I must say, you are
an original, Shawn Spencer.

And I think it would be
a breath of fresh air

to dine with you, and precisely
what I need right now.

You've got to be kidding me.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm going to
have to leave right now

or I'm not going to
be ready for tonight.

I'm sorry, Clive.

Guess you'll have to open this
safety deposit box some other time.

One stipulation.

My friend Eugenia was
recently disappointed

by a gentleman friend and
she could use some company.

Do you have someone for her?

As a matter of fact,
I have the perfect gentleman.

Shawn, this isn't happening.

Gus, don't be
George Hamilton's reaction

when Ashley
came to him and said,

"Dad, I think I'll become
an actor, too."

Keep an open mind.
This is about solving a murder.

Hello, ladies.
Your tramps have arrived.


Well, first things first.

I always like to give a little
get-to-know-you something.

Oh, my goodness, I don't know
what to say. This is...



This is a little bit awkward only
because I don't wear earrings.

I mean, I used to back
in the day, three of them,

but that was just because
of Tears For Fears.

Shawn, those are cufflinks.

Of course they are, Gus,
don't be ridiculous.

Oh, um...


Uh, would you care
for some gum?

Oh, I only have
one piece left.

We could split it.

Eugenia's been staying with me
since Walter died.

She doesn't like
to go out much.

It hasn't worked out with any of
the men I've set her up with.

Maybe Gus'll be the one.

Genie, isn't Gus handsome?



Eugenia, don't look.
Don't look. Don't look.

Gabe McKinley is over there with
that tramp, Olivia Ainsley.


Gabe was Eugenia's date
at the benefit.

It didn't work out.

I can't imagine why.

We both are so sorry
to hear that.

You're not
pulling your weight.

I'm trying.
Every time I smile at her, she puckers at me.

I'm not used
to the pucker, Shawn.

Gillian said she's into gardening.
Ask her about flowers.

I don't know anything about flowers.
Just ask her something.


So, Eugenia.

Exactly how old are you?

This is the Limox Viventi
Cabernet Dumont.

May I?

May you? Or can you?

I think he got it right the first time.
All right.

Actually, we haven't
ordered wine.

This wine is complements of the
gentleman sitting right there.


He's getting up.
Take him out.

Take him out. Sweep the leg.

I'm not sweeping
his leg, Shawn.

Why won't you
ever sweep the leg?

Good evening,

Well, this is
unfortunate, isn't it?

You walk all the way
over here

only to discover that there is
not room at this table for you.


Shawn! Don't be silly.
There's an empty seat right here.

Thank you for that
gracious invitation.

I don't know how much
of a wine connoisseur you are,

Mr. Spencer, but I think you will
find the Dumont both nutty and shy.

Very familiar.

That was Gus on the first
day of kindergarten. Shawn.

Well, it's true.
You didn't talk to anyone.

You peed in your cubby hole.
I'd say that's pretty nutty, wouldn't you?

Okay. Excuse me.

I'm going to join her.

What's up? What's up?

You boys play nice.

Not together.

Look at you.

You're like a scared chicken
at a slaughterhouse,

and I've just
rattled your cage.

You're right about the cage,
but I'm a rabid hamster,

and I'm just
getting started, Jack.

Hello, Professor.

Mr. McKinley. I see you're
with Miss Ainsley tonight.

Why yes, I am, sir. First date.
Seems to be going well.

Good for you.

I think you've dated everyone
in this restaurant.

Well, sir, I learned
from the very best.

But perhaps I'm not
as good as Mr. Spencer.

You're here
with Miss Tucker?

Hmm. I was under the
impression she was off limits.

Off limits?

Well, yes. Everyone was
fair game except for her.

Isn't that right, Professor?

I guess that makes you a
very brave man, Mr. Spencer.

Doesn't anyone use
first names anymore?

Hey, good luck.

I won't be needing
any of that.

What's the deal with that?
I don't... It goes...

We must remember this wine
when we go to Peru.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Clive is taking me on a
business trip to South America.

I've decided
to invest in art,

and he's found
a wonderful painter in Lima

that he thinks
I might be interested in.

She went on vacation
with Prescott

to South America
and never came back.

Died in a drowning accident.

Gillian, it's a little stuffy
in here, don't you think?

A little bit? What do you say the four of us
roll on out, hit some place a little less


Well, where
did you have in mind?

It creates the perfect
crease crust, that's it.

Symmetry. Symmetry.

Allowing all toppings to snuggle up and
get warm under a blanket of cheese.

And bite.


Mmm is right.


this makes no sense.

How can she not be into me?
Why do you care?

I didn't, but now I do.

No one over the age of 32
shuts this down.

Would you stop thinking
about your ego

and start thinking
about this case?

My ego?

I for one am having
a marvelous time.

Me, too.

But I need to ask you
a teensy weensy little favor.

Actually, it's more like this.

For the next couple of days,
do you think that you could

not speak to or hang out
with Prescott?

And also, maybe not go
to Peru with him either?

Shawn, are you
already jealous?

I'm not sure
how I feel about that.

Clive is just a friend.

You want to touch my head?

Women of all ages and races
say it has magical powers.

I'm good.

Lassie? And Jules?

Well, what a surprise!

Gus, I thought
you put a sock on the door.

One second.

I know your type.

You don't have to telegraph.

You like your man
to surprise you.

I hear that.

What are you guys doing
in our personal space?

We don't want to rain on your
early bird special,

but we thought you should know
you're dating our prime suspect.

This isn't a date, come on.

We're working.
This is an investigation.

We get it. You know,
it's hard out there.

Not everybody has as many choices.
Don't be ashamed.

You don't seriously think that Gus
and I are interested in these women.

Look, I don't know
about you guys,

we're trying to solve
a murder here.


Excuse me.

What's going on?

You tell me.

Oh. Oh, that?

It's not what it
looks like.

No, we get it.

Apparently, while you
and Spencer were exploring

your disturbing new fetish
for older women,

O'Hara and I were discovering
we were right about Tucker.

Gillian had access
to the bottle of scotch

Lance was going to be
drinking that night,

and she may
have poisoned it.

Was he drinking
a Gabardine Hightail?

Prescott created that drink.
It's in his book.

Prescott taught
Lance everything.

He knew what
he would order.

And Prescott could have
easily spiked that punch.

Now, if you don't mind,

Gus is a little busy trying to get
some sweet nooky off his old auntie.

For the case.
For the case.

Good luck.

Go get 'em, tiger.

You know what, Gus?

I can imagine a world where I get a little
frisky with Gillian Tucker.

I don't think I need to round
the bases, but, you know,

slide into second safely,
feel sufficient.

I got the double pull-back,

She rejected me.
I mean, what is that?

She smelled like moth balls.

Sometimes you smell
like Styrofoam. I dig it.

What are you
talking about, Shawn?

I never told you
that before?

Bottom line is we kept
Prescott away from Gillian.

He backed off.
It means we win, right?

Ah, I don't feel right.

I hate to say this,
but I think we may have gotten

some bad pineapple on that pizza.
How's your stomach?

I'm fine.

Maybe it wasn't pineapple.

Maybe somebody got
to my wine at the restaurant.

Gus, I see a bright light.

I think I should
go towards it.

Okay, stop playing, Shawn.

I'm going. Take care
of my Great Dane, Lothar.

You don't have
a Great Dane, Shawn.

Get a Great Dane.
Name him Lothar.

Okay. What are you
talking about?

I was poisoned, buddy.
I'm sure of it.

But I know who killed me.

Remember, it was Prescott
who killed me.

Shawn, the doctor's here
to talk to you.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr.

but there's no question.

You were poisoned.

Oh, God, Gus.
I knew it.

I told you.
I told you it was poison.

Shawn, I slept with Stacey
Whitaker when we were

at the cabin
the summer of junior year.

I know you had a crush on her,
and I'm really sorry.

There's also no question
you're going to be fine.

When I say sleep,
I mean literally sleep.

I was so tired that night.
I mean pooped, sawing logs.

You were barely poisoned.

There were just
traces in your system.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

you mean I'm not
going to die?

Well, maybe from
all the tapioca pudding

and raisins in your stomach,
but not from the poison.

That was my tapioca, Shawn.
You son of a...

Shawn! How are you?

Papa. Daddy.

Come. Come closer.

Come and hug me.

Shawn. Shawn.

Lassiter is interviewing Gillian
and Prescott at the station.

You should be there.
I vouched for you.

Do not make me look
like a fool.

Dad, I was poisoned.

I heard barely.

Come on, get your pants on.
Let's go.

What are you doing?

Where were you after you left
the restaurant last night?

Detective, have you ever read
Lady Chatterley's Lover?

Let's stay on point,
Mr. Prescott.

So you haven't read it. In college, yeah.
It was a long time ago.

It's just that with
your corn-silk hair,

you might have stepped
right out of its pages.


Do you, like Lady Chatterley,
feel trapped?


Longing, the need,
the desire to be held.

Oh, my... This flowery crap
actually works on you?

If you had read the book,
you would understand, Shawn.

This man has actual insight
into the psyche of a woman.

I saw all the
Emmanuelle movies,

including the one
where she changed races.

I got plenty of insight into
the female psyche, thank you.

Now, will you admit
that your book is dated,

and that I have
more game than you?

I will not.
All right.

Will you admit that
you tried to murder me

last night by
poisoning my person?

I certainly will not.

And my understanding is
that you were barely poisoned.

Why do people
keep qualifying that?

Mr. Prescott, you have my sincerest apologies.
You're free to go.

Pick up your I.D. with
the officer at the front desk.

What? Are you kidding me?
Did you come in here to kid me?

I had to let
Gillian go as well.

We don't have enough
to hold either one of them.

Hey, Dad, get in here.

No, my other father.
Would you please come in here?

Look, you've been on my side
from the beginning.

Now, you cannot allow them
to release this guy.

I know you from somewhere,
don't I?

Yes. Yes.
I remember you now.

A gentleman never forgets
a name. Let's see.

Henry William Spencer.

He's the only student
I ever had to kick out.

You got kicked
out of his seminar?

You didn't kick me out.
You invited me to leave.

Read between the lines, sir.


Oh, Dad, this is good.
This is too good.

This is too rich.

Not only did you take the seminar,
you were invited to leave?

Oh, my god, Dad.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Focus, Shawn. One more.
Chandler Bing style.

Oh, my god.

Look, we can still
nail this guy.

Prescott was dating another
woman, a Harriet Finestatt.

He was seeing her
at the time of her death.

A month later,
the company goes kaput.

Great. That is
exactly what we need.

Shawn, I want you to give me some
time to substantiate all this.

You are so close.

It's all starting
to take shape.

I want you to start to think
like a detective.

We sit on it. Got it?

Got it.

The idea is to attack
and conquer.

Love doesn't come to you.
You go find it.

Slay it, if necessary,
but get it and bring it back.

Any questions?
I've got one.

Oh, brother. Yes?

Why is it that
you will stop at nothing

to steal women's money
and ultimately murder them?

That's ridiculous and untrue.

Really? Well, then perhaps you
wouldn't mind talking to the class

about the death
of Harriet Finestatt.

What do you want me to say?

You want me to talk
about her cancer?

How I was at her bedside
for months and months?


Or should I tell you about her
ungrateful sons took all of her money

and drove her business
into the ground?

Neither of those things.

Obviously, we're very sorry
for your loss, but...


What about the woman
in South America, hmm?

The one who supposedly
drowned? Come on.

Lorraine? She was killed
by a stingray.

Now, unless you're accusing me of
hiring a sea creature as a hit man...

Okay, well, tell me this.

What do you do when a woman who's much
older than you spurns your advances?

Gus, come on.
A little decorum?

What? You just accused
him of death by stingray.

Well, why was Gillian
off-limits then?

Huh? Why don't you
paint us that picture?

You want a real picture,
Mr. Spencer?

I do want the real picture,
so drop the gentleman act

and say something real.
Why Gillian?

Because what?

Because I...
Because what?

Because I love her!

Because I love her.

All right?

I am a cad,

and a deceiver, and I am
hopelessly, ridiculously in love.

"Dear Prescott,
I am deeply sorry

"that I accused you
of trying to kill me.

"Good day.
I said good day, sir.

"Signed, Shone Spencer."
You misspelled your name.

I did that on purpose.
No, you didn't.

You're right. I was in a hurry
and I didn't have spell check.

You need spell check
for your own name?


So what are you
going to do now?

Well, to tell you
the truth, Mr. Guster,

my advice is just
words on a page.

Attack and conquer,
it's nonsense.

It doesn't work with a person of
actual substance like Gillian.

I've got to do something.

I'm going to propose.


Exciting for you.

No, it's exciting for you. It's terrifying for me.
I have no idea what I'm doing.

That's why I'm asking
Eugenia for tea.

I'm hoping her friend can give me
advice on how to approach her.

Well, hopefully she's not as stingy
with her advice as she is with her gum.

Oh, well, you have to take into
account her circumstances.

What circumstances?

You don't know?

Eugenia's practically penniless.
Gillian takes care of her.

My friend Eugenia was
recently disappointed

by a gentleman friend and
she could use some company.

Dude! Gabe McKinley
was dating Eugenia.

He broke up with her.
He realized Eugenia had no money.

He chose the wrong woman.

His buddy scored the big fish, Gillian.
Gabe was jealous.

Jealous enough to poison him
to get him out of the way.

Jealous enough
to poison me.

Slightly. Yes.

We better
call Jules and Lassie.

Where's Gabe McKinley?
Where is he?


Yes, I'll hold.
Stop it.

This is what Gabe was
drinking in the sauna.

Looks like we may have another
poisoning on our hands.

Cuff links.

Wait a minute.

Gabe was having
an affair with Gillian,

and that is the reason
that he is dead.

Lance was dating Gillian,
and that is the reason

that he was poisoned, and because
I went on one date with Gillian,

someone tried
to barely poison me.

Now I'm saying it.
Thank you.

That was the lab.

The toxicology reports
are conclusive.

The principle toxin found
in the poison

that Lance ingested
is called naphthalene.




Does this mean anything to you?
In more ways than one.

Moth balls, Shawn.
Eugenia smelled like moth balls,

but it wasn't her,
it was the garden.

The main ingredient
in moth balls is naphthalene.

That's enough.

She used them
as a pesticide,

but they become highly lethal
if they're ingested.

It's the perfect old person's murder weapon.
The moth ball.

Of course it was her.
That's what she used

to poison Gabe's energy
drink and Lance's scotch.

Lassie, you can send me
a thank you note later.

Well, technically
you have seven days.

Yeah, you should really
try to do it sooner.

Yeah, he really should.
We need to find Eugenia. Where is she?

With Prescott.

Oh, no.

He's about to drop the bomb that
he's going to propose to Gillian.

If we don't get there in time,
he's victim number three.

Gripes sake!

Come on!
Move those vehicles!

Let's go! We have to get up
there before it's too late!

I'm aware of that, O'Hara.
What am I supposed to do,

Shoot my way up the hill?
I will.

Shawn, what are you doing?

get back in the car!

We're going to take
a shortcut!

We'll meet you up there!
Get back in the car!

Meet them up there?
Have you lost your damn mind?

Aw, screw this.

What are you doing?
Carlton! Come on!

Come on.

There we go, you...


Son of a...

Shouldn't a case with an older woman
killing people be less athletic?

Hang in there, buddy.

Think about the cucumber finger
sandwiches waiting for us up top.

Well, may I help you?

We need to get in.
Of course you do.

Do you have a reservation?

I'm afraid I cannot seat you
without a reservation.

However, I'd be more
than happy to recommend

another tea service where
perhaps pinecone chips

are an accepted part
of the dress code.

But, Lassie, you don't have
a reservation to get...


Prescott, don't drink
that tea!

Good lord, please control yourself.
There is a lady present.

She is not a lady.

She is a murderess
and a lesbian.

We'll get to that in a minute.
Isn't that right, Eugenia?

Think about it.

No one stood to lose more than Eugenia
if Gillian got serious with somebody.

You're in love with her.

It was always just the two of you, and
in your mind, it always would be.

Lassiter was right.

Gillian's late husband,
Walter, did die under

mysterious circumstances,
but not at Gillian's hands.

At yours.

Isn't that right, Eugenia?

Eugenia's been staying with me
since Walter died.

She doesn't like
to go out much.

And it hasn't worked out with any
of the men I've set her up with.

Poor Gus here never stood
a chance, did he?

You only had
eyes for Gillian.

Of course.
Now it makes sense.

That's why she gave me the pull-back.
She gave you the pull-back?

No one appreciated her
like I do.

She always chose
the wrong man.

I wanted what
was best for her.

And to make sure
she didn't get hurt.

I was protecting her.

Stand up.

You better cuff her before she
kills everyone in this restaurant.

Put your hands
behind your back.

I always thought Gillian and I would
spend our final days together.

Come on, lady.

Let's go.

As you know,

I shall not be
teaching the class

for the next two weeks, as I shall
be on my honeymoon.

Yes, but I have arranged
during that time

to present you with the wisdom
of several guest speakers.

The first of which is a man I've come
to know quite well over the last week.

So, without further adieu,

I present to you
psychic detective

and true gentleman,
Shawn Spencer.

You know, my best friend, Burton
Guster, said that we can all afford

to be a little more gentlemanly in life.
And you know what?

He was dead wrong about that.

But I'll tell
you what I can see.

The way I think is the right way
to do things is not the only way.

It's barely a way at all.
Well, it's my way.

It's not a real way.

It's the way I approach something,
it qualifies as a way.

But it's not
a very good way.

Clive, I think you should settle down.
All right.

We can all afford
to grow up a bit.

Even me.
Especially you.

The truth is I want to change.
I need to change.

You got that right.

I want my father
on his deathbed

four or five years from now,
to look at me and say,

"That... That is
the man that I raised."

And I want him
to be pointing

at some other guy,
because that means that maybe,

just maybe I'm not his
biological son.


Thanks for taking
the time to see me.

What do you want?
Okay. Okay.

It's not a huge deal, I just
need to hear it from you.

You not being interested in
me, that's solely because,

you know, that you are,
you know.

In love with a woman?

Yes. That.

You do realize I'm in here because I'm being
charged with a triple homicide, right?

Yes. I get it.

You're busy. I'm busy, too.

It's just that it's
been bothering me

because you dated that other guy
at the beginning, at the benefit.

Yes, but I killed him.

Right. I get that.

Would you have felt better if
I had tried to kill you, too?


You know, you should meet a
nice girl and focus on her.

And never,
ever come back here.


I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

I know, you know

I know, you know

I know, you know