Psych (2006–2014): Season 3, Episode 3 - Daredevils! - full transcript
Shawn and Gus try to infiltrate the tight circle of Dutch "The Clutch" Jenkins, an aging daredevil, after his son claims that someone is sabotaging his father's stunts.
(CHANTING) Shawn! Shawn!
Shawn! Shawn!
Shawn! Shawn! Shawn!
Shawn! Shawn! Shawn!
BOY: Shawn,
this'll never work.
BO Y: I've done the math.
The ramp's too short!
You'll have to let me duck.
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
BO Y: Shawn! Shawn!
Shawn, stop!
Abort! Abort! Abort!
Oh, crap!
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
What in the hell do you
think you're doing, Shawn?
Dad, you ruined
everything!
Of all the boneheaded stunts
you've pulled in your life,
this is without a doubt,
the dumbest!
Shawn, what in the name
of everything that's holy
would possess you to do
something so
incredibly stupid?
All the kids from my class
wanted to see me do it.
See?
No. See what, Shawn?
(SIGHS)
Come here. Listen to me.
(SIGHS)
You think your fans
came out here
to see you make this jump?
Yeah.
They came out here, to see you
crack your head open.
Which basically makes you
no different than the kid
in class
who can shoot milk
out of his eye.
Do you think I could be as
popular as him?
I can't believe you
did this, Shawn.
Apparently, you're unaware
that some churros have
more nutrients than carrots.
12 more of these
and I'll have my RDA
of riboflavin.
No, I mean, accepting tickets
to some ridiculous tractor
pull as payment for a case.
Gus, excuse us, when your
clients are carnie folk,
it's this or twenty rides on
a rusty Tilt-A-Whirl.
And I remember the last time
you got on one of those.
You know I had
early onset vertigo.
The important thing is that
Wolfboy and his gold teeth
have been reunited.
Ow! Ow!
Don't play, Shawn.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and
gentlemen.
Please give a huge
Santa Barbara welcome
to our opening act.
Put your hands together
for the heart-stopping,
gravity-mystifying,
death-defying,
Dutch the Clutch Jenkins!
(CROWD CHEERING)
I can't believe it, dude.
It's Dutch the Clutch.
What? You know that guy?
Dude, you don't remember
Dutch the Clutch?
He was on That's Incredible,
once when we were kids. And
he jumped Springfield Gorge.
That was Homer Simpson.
ANNOUNCER: Dutch will attempt
to launch himself
through the ring of fire,
and land safely
on the other side.
But, for the first time ever,
Dutch will attempt
this stunt without
the benefit of his sight!
(CROWD CHEERING)
That guy is crazy.
Crazy awesome.
(ENGINE STARTS)
ANNOUNCER: Here we go, folks!
Hold on to your seats!
(ENGINE REVVING)
(GRUNTS)
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
MAN: We need a medic!
ANNOUNCER: Everyone,
please remain calm!
(WHOOPING)
(LOUD CHEERING)
ANNOUNCER: He's okay!
Everyone, show your
appreciation for a
true American hero,
Dutch the Clutch Jenkins!
That was insane.
No, that was
attempted murder.
I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know
They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end
SHAWN: Dutch!
Dutch the Clutch. You
honestly don't remember him?
No, why is this
such a big deal for you?
Gus, guys like me and him
are cut from the same
cloth, okay?
We cast aside the
rules of society.
We laugh in the
face of danger.
We ignore the tiny voice
in our head that tells
us not to do stuff.
The tiny voice in my head
says, "There's a reason I'm
the only black person here.' '
I'm telling you, man,
someone tried to kill him.
Take it from a
fellow motorcycle guy.
Please, what was the last
repair you did to your bike?
GIRL: Can you get that?
Does adding a
sticker count?
Regardless, fuel lines
do not randomly
spring leaks.
There's a killer out there,
and he or she failed.
So they're bound
to try again.
How the hell are we
supposed to protect
someone
who straps himself to a
rocket-powered bike and sails
through a wall of fire?
I'm working on it.
Can I help you?
Yes. I'm Shawn Spencer,
police psychic,
amateur daredevil,
denture wearer and
strawberry crepe
enthusiast.
You're not on the list.
List? Dude, they're
about to start racing
ocelots in half an hour.
There's no way you have
a velvet rope here.
Let's go, Shawn.
No, no, no.
I'm here to tell you
that something was off
with Dutch's last stunt.
He is in danger and I
sense foul play.
It's both a daredevil
and a psychic thing.
You'll just have to trust me.
Sir, I want you to turn around
and get the hell out of...
Hey! Give me a sec
with these guys, yeah?
I'm Lewis.
Dutch is my dad.
Ah!
So, uh, what the hell
do you mean by foul play?
We're private investigators.
He's a psychic.
He left out the
daredevil part.
And that's why he knows the
stunt was tampered with.
A psychic, huh?
I don't know about that
sort of thing, but, uh, you
might be on to something.
My dad's last two stunts
didn't go off right, either.
And I have been noticing
some weird things lately.
Well, you're lucky.
We're in the business
of weird.
What would you need
for me to hire you?
A retainer check
for $2,000.
Dutch's autograph.
Man, I will punch you
in the knee.
(GRUNTS) Go ahead.
I dare...
Look, guys, money's
a little tight right now.
Last month we shared
the bill with Yippy,
the hiccupping terrier.
He's still hiccupping?
Dude, you know that,
but you don't know who
Dutch the Clutch is?
He's been hiccupping for
nine years, Shawn.
It's a canine record.
Hey! Guys, please.
Look, no offense,
but my dad's not gonna
let some psychic guy
hang around him.
His circle's airtight.
But we'll work something out.
Come on. There's an
after party. Let's go.
Okay.
Thanks.
You ready?
Interrogation Room A.
Great.
So?
So, what?
Your date, Friday night?
Details.
What happened?
Well, we ordered the
crab cakes.
Mmm.
And she went to the bathroom
and didn't come back.
(GASPS)
So either it went badly
or she's still in the
bathroom.
Oh, Carlton,
I'm sorry.
Hmm.
You told the dead clown
story, didn't you?
What?
That is a funny story.
Clowns are funny.
Stories about them
being shot to death,
not so much.
Please tell me you
didn't draw a diagram
of the bullet holes?
Well, there were
crayons on the table.
What was I supposed to do?
You took her to a
restaurant that had
crayons on the table?
Thank you for your
concern.
I am fine.
Interrogation Room A,
right?
Yes.
What do I sound like?
An agent in the valley?
This is Dutch the Clutch!
What are you, deaf?
He doesn't get out of bed
for less than two grand!
3500.
3500, that's it.
That's it.
Wow.
You know, The Allman Brothers
generally tend to inhibit
my psychic powers.
So, why don't you just
tell me, is there
anyone that'd like
to see your dad
bite the bullet?
Just about everybody
that comes to the show.
Anyone in here, in particular,
have a grudge with him?
Against my dad?
Yeah.
No way.
Everybody here loves him.
I can't understand
why anyone would
wanna hurt him.
In fact, I've been trying to
get him to retire altogether.
Why doesn't he listen?
Give up the spotlight?
Give up the applause?
The love?
Never. Besides, well...
Oh, no.
...my dad thinks
he's unkillable.
But he's wrong.
He's flesh and blood.
My flesh and blood.
That's why I'm counting
on you boys.
Okay, um, let me
introduce you to my dad.
Do we have our
cover stories, yet?
Oh, don't worry.
I take care of all
the finances and hirings.
Pop, I found us the two new
Die Hards you asked for.
Damn. Already?
Actually, I'm Die Hard.
He's Die Harder.
We have two other guys
in our crew but they aren't
nearly as good as us.
Well, how in the hell
did you do that so quick,
especially after what
happened to that last bunch?
Excuse me.
What happened
to the last bunch?
Well, we can't talk about it
for legal reasons.
All I know is
our attorney said
that it ain't decapitation
if the head don't come off
all the way.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
DUTCH: I joke. I joke.
That's morbid!
Hi, I'm Viki.
Dutch's wife.
(LAUGHS)
Now, you boys have experience,
right? It's up to you
to keep my man safe.
That's right.
Hey, what's the most
dangerous thing you boys done?
We eat at Taco John's
with some frequency.
So that puts us right there
on the edge.
Oh, we got ourselves
a couple of comedians.
I like that!
Okay, you boys got the job!
Goddamn!
Oh.
Did you just
break your wrist?
Yeah, well, it's okay.
Nothing busted through
the skin.
Dad, maybe you should
take a break.
I mean, you almost
got killed today.
Oh, come on, son.
You just worry about your
own safety. I'll be fine.
Well, maybe Lewis is right.
And we can finally
take that vacation
to Dollywood.
(CHUCKLING)
Uh, not to overstep,
but I think you may still have
a concussion from earlier.
Concussion?
Hell, I've had
a concussion since 1982.
True story.
Anybody else's beer
taste like metal?
(LAUGHING)
MAN ON TV: Sunday,
Sunday, Sunday!
Who the hell put that
on there?
Okay. Did we
miss something?
Hell. That's El Diablo.
What is an El Diablo?
He's nobody.
Just some wannabe daredevil.
No one knows who he is
'cause he always wears a mask.
Right there.
See that, right there?
That's why we can't
take no damn vacation.
That son of a bitch
is right on my heels.
Relax, Dad. He's amateur
hour compared to you.
Dutch! Forget about
El Diablo.
I got you that canyon jump
in September!
Rock on, Manny!
(SCREAMING IN PAIN)
Oh. Oh. I told you, Clutch.
Explosions. Crashes. That's
what people pay to see.
You keep that up,
I'm gonna get you on TV.
And it won't be that
infomercial for the
home stomach pump.
This is gonna be one of those
rain delay filler shows.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Dad, please. It's too soon
to be adding new stunts.
Oh, piss!
Ain't nobody telling me
I can't do anything no more!
I think that was the worst
English I've ever heard.
All right!
$200 and I'm gonna
take a fall!
DUTCH: 350!
300!
350!
(ALL SHOUTING)
450! 550!
Fifty?
(EXCLAIMING)
(CRASHING)
(DUTCH GROANS)
(LAUGHING)
Glen Campbell rocks!
(LAUGHING)
Oh, damn! I spilled my beer.
It might be harder
to keep this guy alive
than I thought.
You need me, Chief?
Why is someone lodging
a complaint against my
head detective?
Yeah, that's the
third one this month.
He's just going through
a rough patch right now.
He'll be fine.
I think he's having some
serious dating problems.
Oh.
You know, when I used
to work vice, my partner
was an alcoholic.
And one night I went
over to his house,
handcuffed him to a radiator
and made him dry out.
When he finally sobered up,
I gave him a choice.
Go into department
rehab program
or chew your hand off
for freedom.
He chose the program.
Is that a real story?
Maybe it is.
Maybe I saw it on an
old Police Woman rerun.
The point is, O'Hara,
sometimes it's up to
the cop's partner
to keep their head
above water, huh?
To do what's necessary
to make sure that they stay
on course.
Get me?
Yes, Chief.
This is for you.
What's wrong?
The Chief just gave me
some really weird advice.
Oh, what does she want?
Well, I can't be sure,
but I think she wants me
to find Lassiter a girlfriend.
Good luck with that.
That makes sense, I guess.
Thanks, Lewis.
So Dutch doesn't have
a will because,
apparently, invincible people
do not need them.
Hmm.
What is all this?
Those are forms that
must be filled out,
so that we can be Die Hards.
Just sign them.
These release the employer
from any liability
in case the stunt tester is
torn to shreds?
Stunt tester?
Is that what we're doing?
Are you crazy?
Trust me and be cool.
Wait. This one is in case
we're accidentally
chewed to death
by a malfunctioning robot?
Oh, hell, no!
Relax. We'll be fine.
Deboned? Killed and rekilled?
How does that even work?
Gus, don't be an old sponge
with hair hanging off of it.
I'm all over this case.
Mimed to death?
That's clearly a typo.
They meant "maimed.' '
What, are we gonna be
killed by Marcel Marceau?
Marcel Marceau is dead.
See? There's nothing
to worry about.
We are solving this case,
Shawn, before we have to
do any of this stuff.
Fair. I've been checking out
this El Diablo guy.
He always rolls into town
the day after Dutch.
And they've been competing
for the same gigs
for almost a year.
Including that canyon
jump that Dutch just got.
All right. Motive. Wipe out
Dutch and the field is clear.
And El Diablo is a daredevil
so he would know how to
sabotage the stunts
to make it look like
an accident.
I'll buy that.
And someone at the party
told me that El Diablo
performed at the fair
the night before Dutch,
when Dutch's team was,
no doubt,
prepping for their stunt.
You're saying they had
access to Dutch's equipment?
I'm sold. He's our guy.
So where is he? Where do we
find this El Diablo?
How do you feel about
checking out some old,
antique motorcycles?
They call this
a motorcycle show?
There's like,
four motorcycles here.
They don't even have the
bike from Blue Thunder.
That was a helicopter.
You're right.
I was thinking of
Blue Lagoon.
There was no bike in
Blue Lagoon.
How did they get off
the island, Gus?
EL DIABLO: Oh, man. All right,
thanks a lot.
Yo. El Diablo!
What's up, man?
Shawn Spencer,
this is my partner,
Squirts Macintosh.
We just have a couple,
sort of, serious questions
for you.
Oh, no, no, no.
You don't have to
get on the bike!
Dude, he's running!
International sign of guilt.
Let's go! Quick!
Get in the sidecar.
GUS: Are you out of
your damn mind?
I'm not getting in that thing.
You get in there.
Gus, you have absolutely
no idea how to drive
a motorcycle.
Get in the sidecar.
Dude, it's like
High Road to China!
What are you doing?
We're going. We're going!
(COUGHING)
(MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING)
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
Lewis? You're El Diablo?
Lewis?
That is the sexiest thing
I've ever seen.
Shut up, Shawn.
You're guilty of
attempted patricide.
And you tried to kill
your own dad.
I never tried
to kill anyone.
You really think I'd hire
detectives if I wanted to
bump off my own dad?
What kind of psychic
are you?
The kind that loves bees.
And historical novels.
The kind that knows a lie
when he hears one.
And knows that
only the guilty
make a run for it.
The only thing I am guilty of
is not telling my dad
that I do this, too.
And I ran because
I don't want you two
exposing my secret.
Why hide it?
My dad forbid me from being
a daredevil because he didn't
want me to get hurt.
Do you know what it's like to
have your father tell you not
to follow in his footsteps?
I wish.
I did this because
I care about my dad.
As soon as El Diablo
starts making some noise
and he knows I'm legit,
then I'll tell him.
Maybe then he'll let me
take over the family business
and finally retire.
Hopefully before he gets
really hurt.
Whoa! Psychic vision.
Incoming! I see colors.
On your hands.
On your bike. On your hands.
My daughter... My sister...
My Father the Hero.
Yeah, I repainted
my bike recently.
I had paint on my hands.
Repainted, why?
Because you stole it
from your dad?
I borrowed it.
Dad was supposed to
use this in the last jump
but Manny got us a sponsor
and a new bike.
Tech specs said the
new bike was way safer.
Left this one for me.
Who the hell is Manny?
The agent.
Oh.
Look, you guys
aren't gonna
tell him who I am, right?
Mmm.
It's a sensitive subject.
He won't understand it
right away.
I just want him to
come to grips
with...
This is what I am.
I didn't choose it.
Yeah.
I had a similar experience
with my dad when I told him
I wanted to take Gus,
here, to the prom.
(LAUGHS)
Come on!
You and me at the prom?
(LAUGHING)
No? Misfire? Okay.
So, the exploding motorcycle
was provided at the
last minute
by Dutch's agent, Manny,
who probably slapped
those sponsor decals
on himself.
I'd say that warrants
investigation.
It doesn't make sense.
Why would an agent
risk his client's life?
Isn't that his money train?
Remember the after party?
I told you, Clutch.
Explosions. Crashes. That's
what people pay to see.
Manny may not be trying
to kill Dutch.
But he's making his stunts
more dangerous
to add a little pizzazz
to Dutch's act.
Which in turn gets
Dutch more gigs!
Which in turn is only
increasing Manny's 10%.
Which in turn makes me
wonder why you would use
the word "pizzazz.' '
What are you doing?
(SIGHS)
I'll give you an A plus
for the skulking
but a C minus
for the leering.
I have to find Lassiter
a date for the weekend.
I've narrowed it down to
three prospective candidates.
Jules, why would you
possibly want to jump
into that snake pit?
Vick ordered me to.
All right. Would you like me
to give your candidates
the psychic once-over?
If you have to.
I'm sensing it'll be
easier to get a stranger
to go out with him
than someone he
works with.
Or knows him.
Or has ever had a
conversation with him.
Or he hasn't shot.
One more question.
Are we locked into
the same species?
Enough, already.
What're you guys doing here?
We need a background check
on Manny Robertson.
Oh, I know that name.
Yeah, we've had him in here
a few times on some
"get rich quick" scams.
Why him?
I'm getting a very strong
vibe off him
on this awesome daredevils
case we're working.
(LAUGHS) Daredevils, really?
They're still around?
Don't... Don't do that.
Don't hate on the devils.
I just...
I never got it,
personally.
I mean, "Ooh, I can jump
over a flaming trash can.' '
I mean, why do
people care?
Allow me.
What is he doing?
Wait for it.
(SIGHS)
Wait for it!
What's up!
(ALL CHEERING)
ALL: (CHANTING)
Gus, Gus, Gus!
(GROANS)
Ow!
I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm okay.
Need any more proof?
No. I got it.
I'm... I'm fine.
We need to find Manny
as soon as possible.
We should have a little
breathing room, actually.
If Manny's our mad saboteur,
he won't strike until he has
an audience.
During the actual stunt.
Not during rehearsal.
Exactly.
The next stunt's tomorrow.
A jump, at the
closing night of the fair.
Dutch should be safe
till then.
Clutch!
(BOTH COUGHING)
Or not!
(COUGHING)
Holy...
Are you all right?
Huh?
Are you all right?
Should we call the cops
or the ambulance?
What the hell for?
I've done that stunt
a thousand times.
That was just
a rehearsal.
Now, it's your turn.
Come on! I've got you
set up over at the stadium.
You know, Dutch,
seeing as how Gus and I
are just getting started,
we've a couple questions
about representation.
Namely, uh,
your agent, Manny.
First, we rehearse.
Then I gotta strip Viki down
and oil her joints.
Wow! Not too shy
about your wife, are you?
I'm talking about my bikes.
I name them all after my wife.
We'll just talk
to Manny himself.
Whereabouts is he?
I'll call him later,
after I give Viki a
lube job and pull her nuts.
Hey, guys! Come on!
We gotta get ready
for that catapult stunt!
You boys ready to work?
Strip and put these on.
All right, this one's easy.
All you gotta do
is stand here.
How the hell are we
supposed to help Dutch when
we're stuck doing this stuff?
As long as we're making sure
the stunts are safe,
he can't get killed.
I'll make it safe
from the outside.
You need to man up!
I'd put these masks on,
if I was you.
What for?
What is this? An underwater
stunt or something?
Wait, is that gasoline?
(SCREAMING)
You must be out of your
damn mind!
Well, we had to see
how fire retardant
these suits were.
You didn't know that
before you tried to
set us on fire?
That's what you're
getting paid for!
(CAR HONKING)
Dutch. Dutch!
Great news, baby.
Apparently, some crazy fan
ran El Diablo off the road
at the classic bike show
and he injured his shoulder.
He can't do the clock tower
death drop stunt.
And I got it for you.
Rock on, Manny. Oh!
All right. We're gonna have to
rig these two up and drop them
off the building first.
No, no.
No time to rehearse.
Thank you, Lord.
Time of the event
was already advertised.
If we want it,
we gotta do it now.
You up for it, Dutch?
What, are you kidding?
Hell, one time I bungee jumped
off a building twice
the size of that tower.
And even though the
bungee cord snapped
on the way down,
I still made it to the
George Thorogood concert
that night.
True story. Yeehaw!
Yes, sir! We're gonna
make some money, Dutch!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
No rehearsal.
That's convenient.
Manny's rushing Dutch
into another stunt
unprepared.
Another stunt.
Another chance
for sabotage.
What is going on?
Apparently, Dutch is going to
jump from the building,
spread his arms,
and glide down
to that large pillow,
all live on camera
for some daredevil website.
MAN: Yeah, I think we're good.
Red?
(SIGHS)
You see that?
Yes. And now I'm in the mood
for some coffee.
What are you
talking about?
Coffee, Shawn.
What are you looking at?
The same thing
you're looking at.
It's a Dunkin' Donuts
patch, Gus.
And they have excellent
coffee. They have one
on my extended route.
You know what, dude?
You astound me.
And now I must have
a blueberry crumb.
It's totally triggered my
donut launch sequence.
Will you focus, Shawn?
I can't!
(INAUDIBLE)
(CHUCKLES)
No. Don't jump!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Jeez!
(SCREAMS)
What the hell is wrong
with you?
Everything's wrecked now.
VIKl: Are you all right,
baby?
Gus, little help!
Grab my hand! Grab my hand!
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
Idiot! You could've
killed my husband, you idiot.
DUTCH: Gotcha!
Idiot? How about
mind-blowing genius?
Dutch, please.
Spread your arms
the way you would
in the middle of the stunt.
I don't take orders from
nimrods like you!
Dutch, do it. Do it!
(RIPPING)
(GASPS)
If you would've jumped,
you would've died.
What the hell
kind of stunt was that
you tried to pull out there?
Nobody steals
my spotlight! Nobody!
You're just
damn lucky Manny
pulled me off that roof
before I had a chance
to throw you off it.
Dutch, I'm gonna
level with you.
We're not really
professional stuntmen.
No.
Now, that'd explain
all the screaming.
So, what the
hell's going on?
Well, we're um, uh...
Animal activists!
Right.
And that is the truth.
We are here to
stop you from
abusing any more
large, impressive,
exotic game in your act.
Shame on you,
Dutch the Clutch.
I ain't got no
animals in my act.
Huh! Well,
that settles that.
Yeah.
Gus and I will be going.
Sit down! Now, the next
thing that comes out of your
mouth better be the truth.
Otherwise, we're gonna
start rehearsing that
"bury you alive" stunt.
We're detectives.
He's a psychic.
We were hired by your son.
Look, Dad,
I can explain.
I am a Christian man!
What the hell you trying to
do getting me all mixed up in
that voodoo dark force stuff?
He... We think
someone is trying to
sabotage your stunts.
Let's just hear them out.
Have you guys found anything?
Yes, we think
that it's your...
We're not sure
who it is yet, exactly.
That's because
nobody's trying to kill me.
News flash!
Almost dying is par for the
course for my line of work.
Dutch, someone tampered
with that gliding suit.
The spirits are sure of it.
That gliding suit tore because
I bought it during the
gliding suit boom in 1977.
And that fall
wouldn't have killed me!
Damn, one time
I jumped out of a blimp
five hundred feet in the sky.
Had a heart attack
on the way down.
Two hours later
I was eating a
BLT at Red Robin.
True story!
Dutch, please listen to us.
No! You listen to me,
'cause I'm only gonna
say it one time.
You're fired!
Red, help these boys out.
Wait a second.
Whoa, Red! Whoa!
Huh. So, we're not
gonna shoot Gus
out of a cannon later?
No? Okay. Okay.
(GRUNTS)
(CLICKING)
There's something
I love about these
low-end stakeouts.
All we gotta do is snap
some pictures of the guy
with some stolen merchandise.
Why didn't you wear
the burgundy turtleneck?
Because it didn't
occur to me to change
for a stakeout. Why?
No reason.
I just...
I really like you in
that burgundy turtleneck
and with short hair.
And you know what else?
A little cologne.
Wouldn't kill you.
All right, you think
I don't know what's
going on here?
Look, I've noticed you
kind of checking me out
at the squad and asking
about my dating habits.
It's not a big deal.
It's just...
Listen. It is
perfectly normal
for a junior officer
to develop feelings
for her superior,
someone she feels
is a mentor and...
Oh, no!
(LAUGHS) No, no.
Oh, my God, no.
O'Hara, it's okay.
No! No, Vick ordered me
to find you a girlfriend.
What?
Yeah!
You know,
we've noticed that
you've been on edge lately.
And, uh, thought
it might help.
And I have this friend
you can meet later
who likes cops...
I don't believe this.
That's a total
invasion of my privacy,
not to mention
unprofessional.
And so what?
I sleep alone.
So what if I saw a frozen
dinner in half before I
microwave it every night?
So what if I seriously
considered planting evidence
on my wife's new boyfriend?
I mean, that's...
It's just...
Oh, God. I may
need your help.
That's all I wanna do.
Oh, damn, I'm not
getting a signal.
All right, I'm gonna go
find a hot spot and
then when I get back,
I'll tell you all
about my friend.
Why didn't you tell
them about Manny?
Because it's not him.
When Manny was
adjusting Dutch's suit
before the stunt
he whispered
something in his ear.
I, of course,
read his lips.
He said he didn't
want him wearing
that gliding suit.
He wanted him to
wear the black one because
it was far more slimming.
And then he said,
"Purple camel
lawn mower, man.' '
How the hell are we
supposed to help Dutch now
that we've been banished?
Mmm.
I'm gonna go over there
and start working on it.
You're wasting
energy, Shawn.
You see solar panels
up in there?
Come on, now,
you guys gotta hurry.
The next stunt is
coming up fast.
And Dad will kill me
if he finds out I let
you back in here.
Don't worry, Lewis.
We'll be as nonexistent
as an Aldo Nova fan.
So what are
we looking for?
Red. When he gave
us the heave-ho,
I saw an old tattoo
on his arm.
The first four letters spelt
"Viki" but in a slightly
different font than the rest.
So?
So he was probably
seeing her before she
married Dutch. Right?
She leaves him,
he gets a different
tattoo artist
to add the N-G-S
to conceal it from his boss.
Maybe Red's
trying to eliminate
the competition.
Bingo.
Whoa, whoa.
Let me go first.
I'm more stealthy.
In your dreams.
I'm as graceful
as a gazelle, Shawn.
You are not.
A jackal.
Dude, a jackal
is not graceful.
It's like a rabid,
vicious badger.
Shh!
Now what is that?
This is it. I'll bet you
that's a bomb and he's gonna
put it on one of the bikes.
Huh.
Come on, Red.
Let's get this
over with.
What the heck?
Dude, why would
someone take
gemcitabine,
or capecitabine?
Wow. You were
nowhere close on
the pronunciation.
What are they for?
Those two together,
you probably got
pancreatic cancer.
Prognosis?
Not good.
It's pretty terminal.
He's dying?
So, Red's not the bad guy.
He wouldn't smuggle in
drugs to help Dutch
and then turn
around and kill him.
This case is bizarre.
Why kill someone
if he's already dying?
That begs the question,
who knows he's dying?
If we don't come up
with something soon,
he's a goner.
We need to know
who stands to gain
from Dutch's death.
And for that
we need his will.
But Lewis said
there was no will.
He doesn't know
his dad's dying, Gus.
If you were dying of cancer,
wouldn't you have a will?
Are you kidding?
I've had my estate
planner on speed dial
ever since we started
this stupid business.
Do you know how many times
I've had a gun shoved in my
face because of you?
Three?
Wrong answer.
We're never
gonna find it.
Wait a minute.
There's something
weird with this tile.
Looks fine to me.
No, no, no.
The pattern's off,
just a little bit.
Like someone
pried one up and
put it down wrong.
Ow!
Bingo.
Is that his will?
It's just as good.
A life insurance policy.
That doesn't
make any sense.
Tell me about it.
Dude, seriously,
tell me about it. I have
no idea what this means.
You never could
understand legalese.
Oh, really? Remind me
who it was that set up our
Psych 401 (k)?
Oh, you mean our
601 (k)s?
Because India doesn't
have 401 (k)s.
It's a growth economy, Gus.
We've already made like
five hundred rupees.
That's thirteen dollars.
Man, just tell me
what I need to know.
Shh! Do I rush you
when you're doing
your whole,
"Ooh, I'm sensing this,
I'm sensing that"?
Always, and you
usually jab me in the
ribs with your elbow.
Feels like a
chocolate harpoon.
Are you finished?
Maybe.
On first read
it says if Dutch
dies of natural causes,
there's barely a payout.
That doesn't make any sense
for someone who's always
putting himself at risk.
But, Dutch has a
unique indemnity policy.
If he dies during
one of his stunts,
his beneficiaries receive
1.2 million dollars.
Who are the beneficiaries?
His wife and his son.
Gus.
I know who
our killer is.
ANNOUNCER:
And it is a packed house here
for tonight's main event!
The legendary
Dutch the Clutch Jenkins
in his most
dangerous stunt ever.
We are moments
away from show time,
ladies and gentlemen!
What the hell
are you doing here?
I thought I fired your ass.
I just came to
apologize to you, Dutch.
For what?
I was wrong about you.
All this time I thought
you were the kid who
shot milk out of his eye.
You know? Willing to do just
about anything for attention,
regardless of how it affects
the people around you.
But that's not
the case, is it?
Son, I'm getting tired
of the sound of your
gums flapping.
You're all about family.
Aren't you, Dutch?
You love them
more than life.
That's why you've been
trying to kill yourself.
I sense a dark
cloud over you.
You're terminally ill.
I'm sorry, man.
It must be
so scary knowing
that you're gonna die,
especially when you're
all that your family has.
And that's why
you took out that
special insurance policy,
the one that only
you know about.
Now all you gotta do
is make sure that you die
in the middle of a stunt
and your family
gets a windfall.
Right?
It should have been
a simple matter of you
sabotaging your own stunts.
But, Dutch, you're a victim
of your own talent.
You actually are
a little unkillable.
Even with all your
faulty mechanics,
your instincts kicked in and
prevented you from failing.
ANNOUNCER:
It's almost show time, folks.
Dutch the Clutch Jenkins
is here to perform a
gravity-defying spectacle.
Look, I know this is your
last stunt for a while,
and that's my fault.
If this disease gets you
before your next show,
your family gets nothing.
So, I'm sure
whatever your method
is tonight, it's foolproof.
What're you gonna do now?
Nothing.
I'm not gonna
try and stop you.
And I will not
say anything if you
go through with it.
You have my word.
Just let me leave
you with this, Dutch.
It doesn't take
a psychic to see
how much people love you.
Your son came to me,
and hired a psychic
against his better judgment
to keep you alive.
And you don't
know this yet, but all
he wants in the world
is to be more like you.
You go to your son
or your wife or anyone on
your crew for that matter,
and you ask them
which they'd rather have.
Six more months with you
or a million dollars.
You know damn well
what they'll answer
and they won't have to
think about it for a second.
Is that right?
True story.
You're wrong.
I was that kid in class who
shot milk out of his eyes.
And I was damn good.
(ENGINE STARTS)
ANNOUNCER:
And here he is now!
Dutch the Clutch Jenkins!
CROWD: Dutch! Dutch! Dutch!
Dutch! Dutch! Dutch!
Dutch! Dutch! Dutch!
ANNOUNCER:
And he's off!
Speeding down the ramp.
He's past the
point of no return!
It's all or nothing!
He did it! He did it!
A perfect landing.
Give it up as Dutch
is doing a victory lap
around the arena!
What a night!
You've witnessed history
here tonight, folks!
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's hear it!
No, really? You grew up
your whole life
in Santa Barbara?
Yeah, I didn't
like it much...
Oh, no.
Who did, right?
I just cannot believe that!
That's amazing.
That's fascinating.
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm just talking to
your friend Blair, here.
She's great. We have
so much in common.
She's not my friend!
What do you mean?
You didn't send her
down here to meet me?
No! I don't invite friends
to dangerous stakeouts.
But I know her.
She's a professional.
Please tell me
you're a hitman.
Oh, Carlton!
So, are we gonna
do this or not?
I gotta go.
So, I guess we're not
on for Saturday, huh?
In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity
I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity
If it's all right
then you're all wrong
But why bounce around
to the same damn song?
You'd rather run
when you can't crawl
I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know
They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end
I know, you know
I know, you know
Shawn! Shawn!
Shawn! Shawn! Shawn!
Shawn! Shawn! Shawn!
BOY: Shawn,
this'll never work.
BO Y: I've done the math.
The ramp's too short!
You'll have to let me duck.
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
BO Y: Shawn! Shawn!
Shawn, stop!
Abort! Abort! Abort!
Oh, crap!
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
What in the hell do you
think you're doing, Shawn?
Dad, you ruined
everything!
Of all the boneheaded stunts
you've pulled in your life,
this is without a doubt,
the dumbest!
Shawn, what in the name
of everything that's holy
would possess you to do
something so
incredibly stupid?
All the kids from my class
wanted to see me do it.
See?
No. See what, Shawn?
(SIGHS)
Come here. Listen to me.
(SIGHS)
You think your fans
came out here
to see you make this jump?
Yeah.
They came out here, to see you
crack your head open.
Which basically makes you
no different than the kid
in class
who can shoot milk
out of his eye.
Do you think I could be as
popular as him?
I can't believe you
did this, Shawn.
Apparently, you're unaware
that some churros have
more nutrients than carrots.
12 more of these
and I'll have my RDA
of riboflavin.
No, I mean, accepting tickets
to some ridiculous tractor
pull as payment for a case.
Gus, excuse us, when your
clients are carnie folk,
it's this or twenty rides on
a rusty Tilt-A-Whirl.
And I remember the last time
you got on one of those.
You know I had
early onset vertigo.
The important thing is that
Wolfboy and his gold teeth
have been reunited.
Ow! Ow!
Don't play, Shawn.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and
gentlemen.
Please give a huge
Santa Barbara welcome
to our opening act.
Put your hands together
for the heart-stopping,
gravity-mystifying,
death-defying,
Dutch the Clutch Jenkins!
(CROWD CHEERING)
I can't believe it, dude.
It's Dutch the Clutch.
What? You know that guy?
Dude, you don't remember
Dutch the Clutch?
He was on That's Incredible,
once when we were kids. And
he jumped Springfield Gorge.
That was Homer Simpson.
ANNOUNCER: Dutch will attempt
to launch himself
through the ring of fire,
and land safely
on the other side.
But, for the first time ever,
Dutch will attempt
this stunt without
the benefit of his sight!
(CROWD CHEERING)
That guy is crazy.
Crazy awesome.
(ENGINE STARTS)
ANNOUNCER: Here we go, folks!
Hold on to your seats!
(ENGINE REVVING)
(GRUNTS)
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
MAN: We need a medic!
ANNOUNCER: Everyone,
please remain calm!
(WHOOPING)
(LOUD CHEERING)
ANNOUNCER: He's okay!
Everyone, show your
appreciation for a
true American hero,
Dutch the Clutch Jenkins!
That was insane.
No, that was
attempted murder.
I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know
They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end
SHAWN: Dutch!
Dutch the Clutch. You
honestly don't remember him?
No, why is this
such a big deal for you?
Gus, guys like me and him
are cut from the same
cloth, okay?
We cast aside the
rules of society.
We laugh in the
face of danger.
We ignore the tiny voice
in our head that tells
us not to do stuff.
The tiny voice in my head
says, "There's a reason I'm
the only black person here.' '
I'm telling you, man,
someone tried to kill him.
Take it from a
fellow motorcycle guy.
Please, what was the last
repair you did to your bike?
GIRL: Can you get that?
Does adding a
sticker count?
Regardless, fuel lines
do not randomly
spring leaks.
There's a killer out there,
and he or she failed.
So they're bound
to try again.
How the hell are we
supposed to protect
someone
who straps himself to a
rocket-powered bike and sails
through a wall of fire?
I'm working on it.
Can I help you?
Yes. I'm Shawn Spencer,
police psychic,
amateur daredevil,
denture wearer and
strawberry crepe
enthusiast.
You're not on the list.
List? Dude, they're
about to start racing
ocelots in half an hour.
There's no way you have
a velvet rope here.
Let's go, Shawn.
No, no, no.
I'm here to tell you
that something was off
with Dutch's last stunt.
He is in danger and I
sense foul play.
It's both a daredevil
and a psychic thing.
You'll just have to trust me.
Sir, I want you to turn around
and get the hell out of...
Hey! Give me a sec
with these guys, yeah?
I'm Lewis.
Dutch is my dad.
Ah!
So, uh, what the hell
do you mean by foul play?
We're private investigators.
He's a psychic.
He left out the
daredevil part.
And that's why he knows the
stunt was tampered with.
A psychic, huh?
I don't know about that
sort of thing, but, uh, you
might be on to something.
My dad's last two stunts
didn't go off right, either.
And I have been noticing
some weird things lately.
Well, you're lucky.
We're in the business
of weird.
What would you need
for me to hire you?
A retainer check
for $2,000.
Dutch's autograph.
Man, I will punch you
in the knee.
(GRUNTS) Go ahead.
I dare...
Look, guys, money's
a little tight right now.
Last month we shared
the bill with Yippy,
the hiccupping terrier.
He's still hiccupping?
Dude, you know that,
but you don't know who
Dutch the Clutch is?
He's been hiccupping for
nine years, Shawn.
It's a canine record.
Hey! Guys, please.
Look, no offense,
but my dad's not gonna
let some psychic guy
hang around him.
His circle's airtight.
But we'll work something out.
Come on. There's an
after party. Let's go.
Okay.
Thanks.
You ready?
Interrogation Room A.
Great.
So?
So, what?
Your date, Friday night?
Details.
What happened?
Well, we ordered the
crab cakes.
Mmm.
And she went to the bathroom
and didn't come back.
(GASPS)
So either it went badly
or she's still in the
bathroom.
Oh, Carlton,
I'm sorry.
Hmm.
You told the dead clown
story, didn't you?
What?
That is a funny story.
Clowns are funny.
Stories about them
being shot to death,
not so much.
Please tell me you
didn't draw a diagram
of the bullet holes?
Well, there were
crayons on the table.
What was I supposed to do?
You took her to a
restaurant that had
crayons on the table?
Thank you for your
concern.
I am fine.
Interrogation Room A,
right?
Yes.
What do I sound like?
An agent in the valley?
This is Dutch the Clutch!
What are you, deaf?
He doesn't get out of bed
for less than two grand!
3500.
3500, that's it.
That's it.
Wow.
You know, The Allman Brothers
generally tend to inhibit
my psychic powers.
So, why don't you just
tell me, is there
anyone that'd like
to see your dad
bite the bullet?
Just about everybody
that comes to the show.
Anyone in here, in particular,
have a grudge with him?
Against my dad?
Yeah.
No way.
Everybody here loves him.
I can't understand
why anyone would
wanna hurt him.
In fact, I've been trying to
get him to retire altogether.
Why doesn't he listen?
Give up the spotlight?
Give up the applause?
The love?
Never. Besides, well...
Oh, no.
...my dad thinks
he's unkillable.
But he's wrong.
He's flesh and blood.
My flesh and blood.
That's why I'm counting
on you boys.
Okay, um, let me
introduce you to my dad.
Do we have our
cover stories, yet?
Oh, don't worry.
I take care of all
the finances and hirings.
Pop, I found us the two new
Die Hards you asked for.
Damn. Already?
Actually, I'm Die Hard.
He's Die Harder.
We have two other guys
in our crew but they aren't
nearly as good as us.
Well, how in the hell
did you do that so quick,
especially after what
happened to that last bunch?
Excuse me.
What happened
to the last bunch?
Well, we can't talk about it
for legal reasons.
All I know is
our attorney said
that it ain't decapitation
if the head don't come off
all the way.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
DUTCH: I joke. I joke.
That's morbid!
Hi, I'm Viki.
Dutch's wife.
(LAUGHS)
Now, you boys have experience,
right? It's up to you
to keep my man safe.
That's right.
Hey, what's the most
dangerous thing you boys done?
We eat at Taco John's
with some frequency.
So that puts us right there
on the edge.
Oh, we got ourselves
a couple of comedians.
I like that!
Okay, you boys got the job!
Goddamn!
Oh.
Did you just
break your wrist?
Yeah, well, it's okay.
Nothing busted through
the skin.
Dad, maybe you should
take a break.
I mean, you almost
got killed today.
Oh, come on, son.
You just worry about your
own safety. I'll be fine.
Well, maybe Lewis is right.
And we can finally
take that vacation
to Dollywood.
(CHUCKLING)
Uh, not to overstep,
but I think you may still have
a concussion from earlier.
Concussion?
Hell, I've had
a concussion since 1982.
True story.
Anybody else's beer
taste like metal?
(LAUGHING)
MAN ON TV: Sunday,
Sunday, Sunday!
Who the hell put that
on there?
Okay. Did we
miss something?
Hell. That's El Diablo.
What is an El Diablo?
He's nobody.
Just some wannabe daredevil.
No one knows who he is
'cause he always wears a mask.
Right there.
See that, right there?
That's why we can't
take no damn vacation.
That son of a bitch
is right on my heels.
Relax, Dad. He's amateur
hour compared to you.
Dutch! Forget about
El Diablo.
I got you that canyon jump
in September!
Rock on, Manny!
(SCREAMING IN PAIN)
Oh. Oh. I told you, Clutch.
Explosions. Crashes. That's
what people pay to see.
You keep that up,
I'm gonna get you on TV.
And it won't be that
infomercial for the
home stomach pump.
This is gonna be one of those
rain delay filler shows.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Dad, please. It's too soon
to be adding new stunts.
Oh, piss!
Ain't nobody telling me
I can't do anything no more!
I think that was the worst
English I've ever heard.
All right!
$200 and I'm gonna
take a fall!
DUTCH: 350!
300!
350!
(ALL SHOUTING)
450! 550!
Fifty?
(EXCLAIMING)
(CRASHING)
(DUTCH GROANS)
(LAUGHING)
Glen Campbell rocks!
(LAUGHING)
Oh, damn! I spilled my beer.
It might be harder
to keep this guy alive
than I thought.
You need me, Chief?
Why is someone lodging
a complaint against my
head detective?
Yeah, that's the
third one this month.
He's just going through
a rough patch right now.
He'll be fine.
I think he's having some
serious dating problems.
Oh.
You know, when I used
to work vice, my partner
was an alcoholic.
And one night I went
over to his house,
handcuffed him to a radiator
and made him dry out.
When he finally sobered up,
I gave him a choice.
Go into department
rehab program
or chew your hand off
for freedom.
He chose the program.
Is that a real story?
Maybe it is.
Maybe I saw it on an
old Police Woman rerun.
The point is, O'Hara,
sometimes it's up to
the cop's partner
to keep their head
above water, huh?
To do what's necessary
to make sure that they stay
on course.
Get me?
Yes, Chief.
This is for you.
What's wrong?
The Chief just gave me
some really weird advice.
Oh, what does she want?
Well, I can't be sure,
but I think she wants me
to find Lassiter a girlfriend.
Good luck with that.
That makes sense, I guess.
Thanks, Lewis.
So Dutch doesn't have
a will because,
apparently, invincible people
do not need them.
Hmm.
What is all this?
Those are forms that
must be filled out,
so that we can be Die Hards.
Just sign them.
These release the employer
from any liability
in case the stunt tester is
torn to shreds?
Stunt tester?
Is that what we're doing?
Are you crazy?
Trust me and be cool.
Wait. This one is in case
we're accidentally
chewed to death
by a malfunctioning robot?
Oh, hell, no!
Relax. We'll be fine.
Deboned? Killed and rekilled?
How does that even work?
Gus, don't be an old sponge
with hair hanging off of it.
I'm all over this case.
Mimed to death?
That's clearly a typo.
They meant "maimed.' '
What, are we gonna be
killed by Marcel Marceau?
Marcel Marceau is dead.
See? There's nothing
to worry about.
We are solving this case,
Shawn, before we have to
do any of this stuff.
Fair. I've been checking out
this El Diablo guy.
He always rolls into town
the day after Dutch.
And they've been competing
for the same gigs
for almost a year.
Including that canyon
jump that Dutch just got.
All right. Motive. Wipe out
Dutch and the field is clear.
And El Diablo is a daredevil
so he would know how to
sabotage the stunts
to make it look like
an accident.
I'll buy that.
And someone at the party
told me that El Diablo
performed at the fair
the night before Dutch,
when Dutch's team was,
no doubt,
prepping for their stunt.
You're saying they had
access to Dutch's equipment?
I'm sold. He's our guy.
So where is he? Where do we
find this El Diablo?
How do you feel about
checking out some old,
antique motorcycles?
They call this
a motorcycle show?
There's like,
four motorcycles here.
They don't even have the
bike from Blue Thunder.
That was a helicopter.
You're right.
I was thinking of
Blue Lagoon.
There was no bike in
Blue Lagoon.
How did they get off
the island, Gus?
EL DIABLO: Oh, man. All right,
thanks a lot.
Yo. El Diablo!
What's up, man?
Shawn Spencer,
this is my partner,
Squirts Macintosh.
We just have a couple,
sort of, serious questions
for you.
Oh, no, no, no.
You don't have to
get on the bike!
Dude, he's running!
International sign of guilt.
Let's go! Quick!
Get in the sidecar.
GUS: Are you out of
your damn mind?
I'm not getting in that thing.
You get in there.
Gus, you have absolutely
no idea how to drive
a motorcycle.
Get in the sidecar.
Dude, it's like
High Road to China!
What are you doing?
We're going. We're going!
(COUGHING)
(MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING)
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
Lewis? You're El Diablo?
Lewis?
That is the sexiest thing
I've ever seen.
Shut up, Shawn.
You're guilty of
attempted patricide.
And you tried to kill
your own dad.
I never tried
to kill anyone.
You really think I'd hire
detectives if I wanted to
bump off my own dad?
What kind of psychic
are you?
The kind that loves bees.
And historical novels.
The kind that knows a lie
when he hears one.
And knows that
only the guilty
make a run for it.
The only thing I am guilty of
is not telling my dad
that I do this, too.
And I ran because
I don't want you two
exposing my secret.
Why hide it?
My dad forbid me from being
a daredevil because he didn't
want me to get hurt.
Do you know what it's like to
have your father tell you not
to follow in his footsteps?
I wish.
I did this because
I care about my dad.
As soon as El Diablo
starts making some noise
and he knows I'm legit,
then I'll tell him.
Maybe then he'll let me
take over the family business
and finally retire.
Hopefully before he gets
really hurt.
Whoa! Psychic vision.
Incoming! I see colors.
On your hands.
On your bike. On your hands.
My daughter... My sister...
My Father the Hero.
Yeah, I repainted
my bike recently.
I had paint on my hands.
Repainted, why?
Because you stole it
from your dad?
I borrowed it.
Dad was supposed to
use this in the last jump
but Manny got us a sponsor
and a new bike.
Tech specs said the
new bike was way safer.
Left this one for me.
Who the hell is Manny?
The agent.
Oh.
Look, you guys
aren't gonna
tell him who I am, right?
Mmm.
It's a sensitive subject.
He won't understand it
right away.
I just want him to
come to grips
with...
This is what I am.
I didn't choose it.
Yeah.
I had a similar experience
with my dad when I told him
I wanted to take Gus,
here, to the prom.
(LAUGHS)
Come on!
You and me at the prom?
(LAUGHING)
No? Misfire? Okay.
So, the exploding motorcycle
was provided at the
last minute
by Dutch's agent, Manny,
who probably slapped
those sponsor decals
on himself.
I'd say that warrants
investigation.
It doesn't make sense.
Why would an agent
risk his client's life?
Isn't that his money train?
Remember the after party?
I told you, Clutch.
Explosions. Crashes. That's
what people pay to see.
Manny may not be trying
to kill Dutch.
But he's making his stunts
more dangerous
to add a little pizzazz
to Dutch's act.
Which in turn gets
Dutch more gigs!
Which in turn is only
increasing Manny's 10%.
Which in turn makes me
wonder why you would use
the word "pizzazz.' '
What are you doing?
(SIGHS)
I'll give you an A plus
for the skulking
but a C minus
for the leering.
I have to find Lassiter
a date for the weekend.
I've narrowed it down to
three prospective candidates.
Jules, why would you
possibly want to jump
into that snake pit?
Vick ordered me to.
All right. Would you like me
to give your candidates
the psychic once-over?
If you have to.
I'm sensing it'll be
easier to get a stranger
to go out with him
than someone he
works with.
Or knows him.
Or has ever had a
conversation with him.
Or he hasn't shot.
One more question.
Are we locked into
the same species?
Enough, already.
What're you guys doing here?
We need a background check
on Manny Robertson.
Oh, I know that name.
Yeah, we've had him in here
a few times on some
"get rich quick" scams.
Why him?
I'm getting a very strong
vibe off him
on this awesome daredevils
case we're working.
(LAUGHS) Daredevils, really?
They're still around?
Don't... Don't do that.
Don't hate on the devils.
I just...
I never got it,
personally.
I mean, "Ooh, I can jump
over a flaming trash can.' '
I mean, why do
people care?
Allow me.
What is he doing?
Wait for it.
(SIGHS)
Wait for it!
What's up!
(ALL CHEERING)
ALL: (CHANTING)
Gus, Gus, Gus!
(GROANS)
Ow!
I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm okay.
Need any more proof?
No. I got it.
I'm... I'm fine.
We need to find Manny
as soon as possible.
We should have a little
breathing room, actually.
If Manny's our mad saboteur,
he won't strike until he has
an audience.
During the actual stunt.
Not during rehearsal.
Exactly.
The next stunt's tomorrow.
A jump, at the
closing night of the fair.
Dutch should be safe
till then.
Clutch!
(BOTH COUGHING)
Or not!
(COUGHING)
Holy...
Are you all right?
Huh?
Are you all right?
Should we call the cops
or the ambulance?
What the hell for?
I've done that stunt
a thousand times.
That was just
a rehearsal.
Now, it's your turn.
Come on! I've got you
set up over at the stadium.
You know, Dutch,
seeing as how Gus and I
are just getting started,
we've a couple questions
about representation.
Namely, uh,
your agent, Manny.
First, we rehearse.
Then I gotta strip Viki down
and oil her joints.
Wow! Not too shy
about your wife, are you?
I'm talking about my bikes.
I name them all after my wife.
We'll just talk
to Manny himself.
Whereabouts is he?
I'll call him later,
after I give Viki a
lube job and pull her nuts.
Hey, guys! Come on!
We gotta get ready
for that catapult stunt!
You boys ready to work?
Strip and put these on.
All right, this one's easy.
All you gotta do
is stand here.
How the hell are we
supposed to help Dutch when
we're stuck doing this stuff?
As long as we're making sure
the stunts are safe,
he can't get killed.
I'll make it safe
from the outside.
You need to man up!
I'd put these masks on,
if I was you.
What for?
What is this? An underwater
stunt or something?
Wait, is that gasoline?
(SCREAMING)
You must be out of your
damn mind!
Well, we had to see
how fire retardant
these suits were.
You didn't know that
before you tried to
set us on fire?
That's what you're
getting paid for!
(CAR HONKING)
Dutch. Dutch!
Great news, baby.
Apparently, some crazy fan
ran El Diablo off the road
at the classic bike show
and he injured his shoulder.
He can't do the clock tower
death drop stunt.
And I got it for you.
Rock on, Manny. Oh!
All right. We're gonna have to
rig these two up and drop them
off the building first.
No, no.
No time to rehearse.
Thank you, Lord.
Time of the event
was already advertised.
If we want it,
we gotta do it now.
You up for it, Dutch?
What, are you kidding?
Hell, one time I bungee jumped
off a building twice
the size of that tower.
And even though the
bungee cord snapped
on the way down,
I still made it to the
George Thorogood concert
that night.
True story. Yeehaw!
Yes, sir! We're gonna
make some money, Dutch!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
No rehearsal.
That's convenient.
Manny's rushing Dutch
into another stunt
unprepared.
Another stunt.
Another chance
for sabotage.
What is going on?
Apparently, Dutch is going to
jump from the building,
spread his arms,
and glide down
to that large pillow,
all live on camera
for some daredevil website.
MAN: Yeah, I think we're good.
Red?
(SIGHS)
You see that?
Yes. And now I'm in the mood
for some coffee.
What are you
talking about?
Coffee, Shawn.
What are you looking at?
The same thing
you're looking at.
It's a Dunkin' Donuts
patch, Gus.
And they have excellent
coffee. They have one
on my extended route.
You know what, dude?
You astound me.
And now I must have
a blueberry crumb.
It's totally triggered my
donut launch sequence.
Will you focus, Shawn?
I can't!
(INAUDIBLE)
(CHUCKLES)
No. Don't jump!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Jeez!
(SCREAMS)
What the hell is wrong
with you?
Everything's wrecked now.
VIKl: Are you all right,
baby?
Gus, little help!
Grab my hand! Grab my hand!
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
Idiot! You could've
killed my husband, you idiot.
DUTCH: Gotcha!
Idiot? How about
mind-blowing genius?
Dutch, please.
Spread your arms
the way you would
in the middle of the stunt.
I don't take orders from
nimrods like you!
Dutch, do it. Do it!
(RIPPING)
(GASPS)
If you would've jumped,
you would've died.
What the hell
kind of stunt was that
you tried to pull out there?
Nobody steals
my spotlight! Nobody!
You're just
damn lucky Manny
pulled me off that roof
before I had a chance
to throw you off it.
Dutch, I'm gonna
level with you.
We're not really
professional stuntmen.
No.
Now, that'd explain
all the screaming.
So, what the
hell's going on?
Well, we're um, uh...
Animal activists!
Right.
And that is the truth.
We are here to
stop you from
abusing any more
large, impressive,
exotic game in your act.
Shame on you,
Dutch the Clutch.
I ain't got no
animals in my act.
Huh! Well,
that settles that.
Yeah.
Gus and I will be going.
Sit down! Now, the next
thing that comes out of your
mouth better be the truth.
Otherwise, we're gonna
start rehearsing that
"bury you alive" stunt.
We're detectives.
He's a psychic.
We were hired by your son.
Look, Dad,
I can explain.
I am a Christian man!
What the hell you trying to
do getting me all mixed up in
that voodoo dark force stuff?
He... We think
someone is trying to
sabotage your stunts.
Let's just hear them out.
Have you guys found anything?
Yes, we think
that it's your...
We're not sure
who it is yet, exactly.
That's because
nobody's trying to kill me.
News flash!
Almost dying is par for the
course for my line of work.
Dutch, someone tampered
with that gliding suit.
The spirits are sure of it.
That gliding suit tore because
I bought it during the
gliding suit boom in 1977.
And that fall
wouldn't have killed me!
Damn, one time
I jumped out of a blimp
five hundred feet in the sky.
Had a heart attack
on the way down.
Two hours later
I was eating a
BLT at Red Robin.
True story!
Dutch, please listen to us.
No! You listen to me,
'cause I'm only gonna
say it one time.
You're fired!
Red, help these boys out.
Wait a second.
Whoa, Red! Whoa!
Huh. So, we're not
gonna shoot Gus
out of a cannon later?
No? Okay. Okay.
(GRUNTS)
(CLICKING)
There's something
I love about these
low-end stakeouts.
All we gotta do is snap
some pictures of the guy
with some stolen merchandise.
Why didn't you wear
the burgundy turtleneck?
Because it didn't
occur to me to change
for a stakeout. Why?
No reason.
I just...
I really like you in
that burgundy turtleneck
and with short hair.
And you know what else?
A little cologne.
Wouldn't kill you.
All right, you think
I don't know what's
going on here?
Look, I've noticed you
kind of checking me out
at the squad and asking
about my dating habits.
It's not a big deal.
It's just...
Listen. It is
perfectly normal
for a junior officer
to develop feelings
for her superior,
someone she feels
is a mentor and...
Oh, no!
(LAUGHS) No, no.
Oh, my God, no.
O'Hara, it's okay.
No! No, Vick ordered me
to find you a girlfriend.
What?
Yeah!
You know,
we've noticed that
you've been on edge lately.
And, uh, thought
it might help.
And I have this friend
you can meet later
who likes cops...
I don't believe this.
That's a total
invasion of my privacy,
not to mention
unprofessional.
And so what?
I sleep alone.
So what if I saw a frozen
dinner in half before I
microwave it every night?
So what if I seriously
considered planting evidence
on my wife's new boyfriend?
I mean, that's...
It's just...
Oh, God. I may
need your help.
That's all I wanna do.
Oh, damn, I'm not
getting a signal.
All right, I'm gonna go
find a hot spot and
then when I get back,
I'll tell you all
about my friend.
Why didn't you tell
them about Manny?
Because it's not him.
When Manny was
adjusting Dutch's suit
before the stunt
he whispered
something in his ear.
I, of course,
read his lips.
He said he didn't
want him wearing
that gliding suit.
He wanted him to
wear the black one because
it was far more slimming.
And then he said,
"Purple camel
lawn mower, man.' '
How the hell are we
supposed to help Dutch now
that we've been banished?
Mmm.
I'm gonna go over there
and start working on it.
You're wasting
energy, Shawn.
You see solar panels
up in there?
Come on, now,
you guys gotta hurry.
The next stunt is
coming up fast.
And Dad will kill me
if he finds out I let
you back in here.
Don't worry, Lewis.
We'll be as nonexistent
as an Aldo Nova fan.
So what are
we looking for?
Red. When he gave
us the heave-ho,
I saw an old tattoo
on his arm.
The first four letters spelt
"Viki" but in a slightly
different font than the rest.
So?
So he was probably
seeing her before she
married Dutch. Right?
She leaves him,
he gets a different
tattoo artist
to add the N-G-S
to conceal it from his boss.
Maybe Red's
trying to eliminate
the competition.
Bingo.
Whoa, whoa.
Let me go first.
I'm more stealthy.
In your dreams.
I'm as graceful
as a gazelle, Shawn.
You are not.
A jackal.
Dude, a jackal
is not graceful.
It's like a rabid,
vicious badger.
Shh!
Now what is that?
This is it. I'll bet you
that's a bomb and he's gonna
put it on one of the bikes.
Huh.
Come on, Red.
Let's get this
over with.
What the heck?
Dude, why would
someone take
gemcitabine,
or capecitabine?
Wow. You were
nowhere close on
the pronunciation.
What are they for?
Those two together,
you probably got
pancreatic cancer.
Prognosis?
Not good.
It's pretty terminal.
He's dying?
So, Red's not the bad guy.
He wouldn't smuggle in
drugs to help Dutch
and then turn
around and kill him.
This case is bizarre.
Why kill someone
if he's already dying?
That begs the question,
who knows he's dying?
If we don't come up
with something soon,
he's a goner.
We need to know
who stands to gain
from Dutch's death.
And for that
we need his will.
But Lewis said
there was no will.
He doesn't know
his dad's dying, Gus.
If you were dying of cancer,
wouldn't you have a will?
Are you kidding?
I've had my estate
planner on speed dial
ever since we started
this stupid business.
Do you know how many times
I've had a gun shoved in my
face because of you?
Three?
Wrong answer.
We're never
gonna find it.
Wait a minute.
There's something
weird with this tile.
Looks fine to me.
No, no, no.
The pattern's off,
just a little bit.
Like someone
pried one up and
put it down wrong.
Ow!
Bingo.
Is that his will?
It's just as good.
A life insurance policy.
That doesn't
make any sense.
Tell me about it.
Dude, seriously,
tell me about it. I have
no idea what this means.
You never could
understand legalese.
Oh, really? Remind me
who it was that set up our
Psych 401 (k)?
Oh, you mean our
601 (k)s?
Because India doesn't
have 401 (k)s.
It's a growth economy, Gus.
We've already made like
five hundred rupees.
That's thirteen dollars.
Man, just tell me
what I need to know.
Shh! Do I rush you
when you're doing
your whole,
"Ooh, I'm sensing this,
I'm sensing that"?
Always, and you
usually jab me in the
ribs with your elbow.
Feels like a
chocolate harpoon.
Are you finished?
Maybe.
On first read
it says if Dutch
dies of natural causes,
there's barely a payout.
That doesn't make any sense
for someone who's always
putting himself at risk.
But, Dutch has a
unique indemnity policy.
If he dies during
one of his stunts,
his beneficiaries receive
1.2 million dollars.
Who are the beneficiaries?
His wife and his son.
Gus.
I know who
our killer is.
ANNOUNCER:
And it is a packed house here
for tonight's main event!
The legendary
Dutch the Clutch Jenkins
in his most
dangerous stunt ever.
We are moments
away from show time,
ladies and gentlemen!
What the hell
are you doing here?
I thought I fired your ass.
I just came to
apologize to you, Dutch.
For what?
I was wrong about you.
All this time I thought
you were the kid who
shot milk out of his eye.
You know? Willing to do just
about anything for attention,
regardless of how it affects
the people around you.
But that's not
the case, is it?
Son, I'm getting tired
of the sound of your
gums flapping.
You're all about family.
Aren't you, Dutch?
You love them
more than life.
That's why you've been
trying to kill yourself.
I sense a dark
cloud over you.
You're terminally ill.
I'm sorry, man.
It must be
so scary knowing
that you're gonna die,
especially when you're
all that your family has.
And that's why
you took out that
special insurance policy,
the one that only
you know about.
Now all you gotta do
is make sure that you die
in the middle of a stunt
and your family
gets a windfall.
Right?
It should have been
a simple matter of you
sabotaging your own stunts.
But, Dutch, you're a victim
of your own talent.
You actually are
a little unkillable.
Even with all your
faulty mechanics,
your instincts kicked in and
prevented you from failing.
ANNOUNCER:
It's almost show time, folks.
Dutch the Clutch Jenkins
is here to perform a
gravity-defying spectacle.
Look, I know this is your
last stunt for a while,
and that's my fault.
If this disease gets you
before your next show,
your family gets nothing.
So, I'm sure
whatever your method
is tonight, it's foolproof.
What're you gonna do now?
Nothing.
I'm not gonna
try and stop you.
And I will not
say anything if you
go through with it.
You have my word.
Just let me leave
you with this, Dutch.
It doesn't take
a psychic to see
how much people love you.
Your son came to me,
and hired a psychic
against his better judgment
to keep you alive.
And you don't
know this yet, but all
he wants in the world
is to be more like you.
You go to your son
or your wife or anyone on
your crew for that matter,
and you ask them
which they'd rather have.
Six more months with you
or a million dollars.
You know damn well
what they'll answer
and they won't have to
think about it for a second.
Is that right?
True story.
You're wrong.
I was that kid in class who
shot milk out of his eyes.
And I was damn good.
(ENGINE STARTS)
ANNOUNCER:
And here he is now!
Dutch the Clutch Jenkins!
CROWD: Dutch! Dutch! Dutch!
Dutch! Dutch! Dutch!
Dutch! Dutch! Dutch!
ANNOUNCER:
And he's off!
Speeding down the ramp.
He's past the
point of no return!
It's all or nothing!
He did it! He did it!
A perfect landing.
Give it up as Dutch
is doing a victory lap
around the arena!
What a night!
You've witnessed history
here tonight, folks!
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's hear it!
No, really? You grew up
your whole life
in Santa Barbara?
Yeah, I didn't
like it much...
Oh, no.
Who did, right?
I just cannot believe that!
That's amazing.
That's fascinating.
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm just talking to
your friend Blair, here.
She's great. We have
so much in common.
She's not my friend!
What do you mean?
You didn't send her
down here to meet me?
No! I don't invite friends
to dangerous stakeouts.
But I know her.
She's a professional.
Please tell me
you're a hitman.
Oh, Carlton!
So, are we gonna
do this or not?
I gotta go.
So, I guess we're not
on for Saturday, huh?
In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity
I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity
If it's all right
then you're all wrong
But why bounce around
to the same damn song?
You'd rather run
when you can't crawl
I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know
They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end
I know, you know
I know, you know