Psych (2006–2014): Season 3, Episode 2 - Murder?... Anyone?... Anyone?... Bueller? - full transcript

Shawn believes that a murder has taken place at his and Gus's high school reunion...but has a hard time getting anyone to believe him, as he's unable to come up with a suspect, a victim, or a motive.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Who put the orange slices
in the punch bowl already?

They'll be soggy by the time
everyone gets here.

This is a disaster, people!

Yep, first typhoid fever,
now this.

Shawn, this night has been
13 years in the making.

Everything has
to go perfectly.

What I need from you is your
support and your cooperation,

not your sarcasm and mockery.

Okay, buddy, let me know
when I can mock,

'cause I'm ready to mock.

Where is your grad pic?

Oh, yeah,
I'm not gonna wear mine.

Shawn, come on,
don't do this to me.

You know that was my thing.

Instead of nametags, we'll know who
everyone is from their class picture.

Great idea, right?

Is it mock time, yet?

Just put it on, Shawn.

Okay, fine.

Excuse me.

There. You happy now?

Shawn, that isn't you, is it?
No, it isn't.

It's Judd Nelson, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

And it's sweet, sweet nice.

Whoa, look
who just rolled in.

Molly Ringwald
and Andrew McCarthy.

Hey, Howie!
What's going down, boy?

From Fresh Horses.

That's Howie Tolkin. He was our
quarterback junior and senior year.

We had a football team?


Who's the prom queen?

She's the prom queen,
Eileen Mazwell.

You really don't remember any
of this? They're married now.

Dude, you didn't tell me
Abigail Lytar was coming.

Oh, yeah.

I should...
I should say hello.

Abigail Lytar.

Judd Nelson?

In the flesh.

I loved you in, uh,
From the Hip.

Thank you very much. You know,
there are those who believe

I flared my nostrils
too much in that film.

Oh, no. I mean, how else
could we possibly have known

how angst-ridden you were?

I agree.


Yeah, so...


Hello, Abigail.

I need you to
go to the cafeteria

and grab another stack of folding
chairs for me. We're already short.

Consider it done. One problem.
Where is the cafeteria?

Did you even attend this
school? Just grab the chairs.

I don't know
where I'm going!

Maybe Abigail can help you.

I like that.
I like that very much.

You really don't remember what happened
between us in high school, do you?

Stearns Wharf?
Senior year?

The carnival
on the pier?

You pursued me, like,
every day of senior year,

and then I finally agreed
to go out with you,

and then you didn't show up.

I... Uh, yeah, yes.

Here's the thing, Abigail, and
not a lot of people know this,

I was actually working as a
midwife back then, family business,

and I got a call from a client
late at night, going into labor.

34 hours,
it was a lot of screaming,

a fair amount of pushing,
some dilation, tongs...

Oh, I can see where it wouldn't
have occurred to you to call me.

But you know what? It was 13
years ago, hardly matters now.

Exactly, is what I'm saying!
It was, like, forever ago!

We're adults now,
doing adult things.

I mean, you're a teacher,
that's fantastic.

What about you? Or
are you still in midwifery?

No, no. I've dabbled in
quite a few things, actually,

but I landed quite nicely
on psychic detective.

That's for real.

Who would actually
choose to be a psychic?

First of all, it's a gift,
it's not a choice.

I happen to be
very, very good at it.

I solve crimes for the Santa
Barbara Police Department.

It's kind of a big deal.

You solve crimes?

All the time.

Okay, well, you be sure
to let me know if you sense

that, you know, someone
here at the reunion

is gonna steal
my lunch money.

That's very clever.

Did you see that?

What? Is someone getting
their lunch money stolen?

I think it's a little bit
bigger than that.

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

Someone was murdered here.
I am absolutely 100% certain

that I sensed a body
drop here. Right here.

I don't know who,
but I... I could see

he was wearing a letterman's
jacket of some sort.

Are you doing this to me
on purpose?

Are you fabricating
some kind of foul play

just to mess up the
night for me? Yes, I am.

I killed someone here at
our high school reunion

just to foil your
13-year video retrospective

of best pep rally moments.

Do you even know
what a pep captain is, Shawn?

Yeah, he's a male cheerleader,
I believe.

It's a leader
among men, Shawn!

A leader among men!

Who cheers.
I saw Bring It On.

Oh, wait. I get it.
You guys are dating?

You're together?
Everything makes sense.

We are not dating.

Are you kidding me? He was
voted "Most Likely to Succeed. "

Think he's gonna date me?

No body, no crime, Shawn.

Gus, buddy...
No body, no crime!

No body, no crime!

He's just gonna keep saying
that, isn't he? I believe so, yes.


You don't believe me either?

No body, no crime, Shawn.

But, Abigail!

Hey, hi!


Yes. It's me, Henry,
your ex-husband.

Look, I don't want to
bother you, but, uh...

How you doing?
Great. And you?

Great. Doing great.

Well, there's that.

Hey, Madeleine, listen. Uh, I'm
just about to cook up a steak here,

and I've got another one
sitting right next to it.

I was just thinking,
you know, if you're hungry,

you could, uh... Would you...

Or not. I, uh...

Honestly, I would love to
taste one of your steaks,

but I just had a delicious
salad from room service.

Oh! Okay, hey, no biggie,
I, you know...

Of course, I just, uh, was
concerned that you hadn't eaten.

And now that I know you had a
salad, I feel better and, uh...


have a good night.

You too.

Okay, bye.


Okay, dude. I think
I'm on to something.

Now, true, there may not
be an actual body,

but I am telling you
that a very real crime

was committed here, and
there is very real evidence.

I would like to see some evidence
of some folding chairs, Shawn.

If you're not gonna
take this seriously,

then I will pull out this
phone and I will call Lassiter.

Hey. Could you start
distributing these ballots

for the reunion king
and queen to everybody?

Dialing, connecting. Ringing!

Lassiter? What are you
doing at our reunion?

First off,

of course it had to be yours,
'cause that's my luck.

And secondly, I'm on a date.

Well, we're on a case
and you're on it with us.

Not tonight, I'm not.

On a date? With a person?

Yes, with a person.
Blonde, yellow dress.

Mindy Howland?

Isn't that the girl who stuffed
Bobby Cobetts in his own car trunk

when he wouldn't kiss her
at the Spring Fling?

We met at
the Santa Barbara Bowl

at the Ravi Shankar
concert last week

and she asked me
out on a date.

Who goes to someone else's reunion
when they barely even know them?

Who goes to a Ravi Shankar concert?

Hey, look, I didn't realize it
was a reunion till I showed up.

And we have
a very deep connection.

The same connection
you have with the sitar?

my punch, Corey?

Yeah, where's
her punch, Corey?

Hello, Mindy.
You look nice.

Oh, give it up, Button-up. I
already have a date to this thing.

Mindy, it's official. You've
won "Bitchiest Banana. "

And now, I am going to borrow Detective
Lassiter for as long as I'd like.

Wait, he's a cop?

All right,
I have to be discreet.

Gus has a very weak constitution
for these sort of things.

I witnessed
a murder here tonight.

What? Who?

I'm not entirely sure.

What did you see? I didn't
actually see anything.

I psychically witnessed it
with my third eye.

Where's the body?
There's not one.

Listen up, let me
impart to you

a little police wisdom we like to
throw around down at the station.

No body, no crime.

What, you guys put
that on a t-shirt?

Fine. Who did it? And why?

I don't know.
But, I don't know.

Do you have a murder weapon? Nope.

Well then,
good night, Spencer.

Gus, this so-called football
team of ours, were we any good?

Yes, we won State Champ
our senior year!

Seriously, you didn't go
to any of the games?

The games were on Fridays. That
would mean missing Step by Step.

But this winning state,

would that get you
some sort of special pin?

Yes, Shawn.
The State Champs pin.

I got it.

Lassy, I know who
the murder victim is.


Class of '95, Sabercats'
starting quarterback,

Howie Tolkin!



Hold that thought.

Look, Jules, just get down
here as fast as you can.

I really need your help
on this case. It's intense!

Well, I will fill you in
on the rest when you get here.

Thank you.

So, Carl, this is my ex-boyfriend from
high school, all four years, Eldon.

Nice to meet you, buddy.

Right. And this is his, uh,
his brand new wife, Stephanie.

So, I'm dating
a cop now.

Oh, really?


You ever shoot anybody?

Well, I... Of course he has.
Probably a bunch of people.

A bunch? I mean, you know,
what is a bunch, really?

I... Yes.

Women. Absolutely nothing
but heartache, man.

All they want
is the ring, man.

They won't stop
till they get the ring.

Dude, I could not have said it
better myself. Maybe clearer.

But I agree.
I'm just like you guys.

I hope to kiss one, someday.


You know, dude,
you're just like us,

marginally employed,
single, never been married.

I mean, you get it.

Did you guys see someone
tampering with this case?

No, but I wish
I had thought of that.

I would love to see
that Tolkin guy go down.

He terrorized me
in high school.

They build a shrine for him
because he can throw a football?

Who cares?

Hey! Why don't they build
a shrine to my butt?

There you are. I've been
looking all over for you.

Dude, you totally lied to us.
You have a girl and she is hot.

Excuse us, dudes.

Okay. What are you wearing?

What? You said
you were on a case

and that there were possible
criminal suspects down here

that might get spooked
by cops snooping around.

Yeah, but what
are you wearing?

This is a reunion, not the
prom. I need you to fit in.

What? This? This isn't a prom dress.

It looks like a prom dress.
It's a little poofy.

It doesn't poof. There's no
poof. There's slight poof.

Look, it's what I was gonna
wear to my high school reunion

that I couldn't go to because
I was on a case. Jules...

Just show me where these
suspects are that I need to vet?

I don't know if you need to vet
anything. The animals are fine.

But let's poof on over and
I'll point them out to you.

Oh, thanks for playing up
that whole tough guy cop thing,

you know, with Eldon.
That was really nice of you.

I think the "I'm packing heat"
thing was a little overboard,

but he seemed
to buy it, so...

But I am packing heat.

Oh, that's cute. What, do you squeeze
the trigger and a little pen comes out

so you can write
people parking tickets?

Um, Barnaby Jones, why don't you
hold my purse while I go dance?

I called you
because I need your help...

Oh, my God!
It's Howie and Eileen!

Abe Frohman,
Sausage King of Chicago.

Yes! We all spent our
wonder years together.

You guys look great.

Especially you.
I want you back in clean up,

if you catch my meaning!
Look at that package, huh?

Look, I... I don't mean to be
a downer, guys, but did you know

that somebody tampered
with your football shrine?

Ah! Dude, seriously, that's
just old high school stuff.

I don't even think
about that anymore.

I'm actually onto
much bigger stuff now, so...

Howie just announced his candidacy
for State Assembly last month.

Yeah, dude,
I care about the issues.

I actually think I can make a
difference. Isn't that right, babe?

That's right, baby.

See, after I fix
the state of California,

I'm going to write a motivational
book for losers who need help.

And the working title right
now is Move It or Move It!

Wow, that is so much stuff!
Wow, yeah.

When will you find time to tape
Larry Lester's butt cheeks together?

Never saw Breakfast Club?
Either of you? Wow.

Okay, baby, Howie wants one of
those little mini quesadillas.

Let's get after it.

Who hasn't seen The
Breakfast Club? Um...

You honestly don't think there's
anything suspicious about those two?

I'm not sure. I mean, for
a guy who's clearly stuck

in the past, he seemed
to brush off the whole

vandalism of his trophy
case thing pretty easily.

I could dust the case
for prints, but that's it.

Jules, anyone who enters or
exits this place is a suspect.

If this thing ends before
I solved the homicide,

you can kiss
the murderer goodbye.

Gus, thank goodness.

I need to get to the roof, I
need to get into the library,

I need to psychically remember
everything about high school.

That stuff is locked up tight. This
place is like Fort Knox tonight.

Fine. Where is the gymnasium?

We're in the gymnasium, Shawn.

Wow, buddy,
you did a really nice job.

Hey, Shawn, what's up?

Listen, Dad.

Remember that box of my old high
school stuff that Mom put away for me?

There's... It was just a...
It was a box of stuff.

What box?
The box.

What box, Shawn?

What am I thinking? Mom's
in town. Do me a favor.

Call her and find out
where she put it.

I can't. I can't.

What do you mean, you can't? I
can't. I just talked to her, Shawn,

and I think she thought... I mean
supposedly... She had a salad.

Who am I to think that she
didn't have a salad? I just...

Dad, I need this box!
I'm on a case, okay?

Just call her, locate the box.
I will come get it from you.


It's... Ah, I don't...

I just don't see it.

You're not looking.

There's so much stuff.
What is all this crap?

It's your life.

No, these boxes
are not my life.

Well, it's stuff
from your life, anyway.

I boxed it all up 'cause I thought maybe
someday you'd want to look at it again,

when you're old
and crotchety.

Yeah, well, I just want to dump it all!

Which, in your case,
would be today.

Look at this! Look at that! What is it?

It's a matchbox car.
It's Shawn's first one.

I bought it for him when
I brought him home, remember?

I do.

He never even
played with it.

Henry, you bought
him a squad car.

Kids love police cars.

But they're all police
cars, all 20 of them.

No, no, no, they're all different. You
see that one there, that's a squad car.

This one here, see that?
It's a paddy wagon.

A prison transport vehicle,
that's an old one.

Oh, look at that!
A crowd control van.

Look at it, it even has the
tiny water cannons up on top.

Here's the box he wanted.

Wow! You know, I thought
you would've become,

like, a doctor
or something like that.

Well, what I do
is pretty fascinating.

Really? How so?

Well, with my specialty, which is mucus
reducers, I use a mixture of, uh...

Did I also tell you that I have
a side psychic detective business

that I started with my buddy?


Yeah. And I may or may not have
tracked down a counterfeiter,

unveiled a nanny ring, saved the
show American Duos, stuff like that.

That was you?
I remember that!

So, I'm kind of working
on a case right now.

Really? God, that's hot.

Hi! What are you guys doing here?

Whoa! Slow down. We brought you
the box you were bitching about.

No. No, no, Dad. I asked
you to locate the box

so that I could come
pick it up from you,

not to drag Mom down
to my high school reunion!

Lighten up, honey. What
are you so worried about?

It's not like I'm gonna
pull out a Kleenex,

wet it and wipe
the corners of your mouth.

Look, it's Gus!
I have to say hello.

No, Mom! There aren't really
any other parents here.

Awesome. What exactly
are you up to?

All right, look, Shawn,
I went to this school too,

so it was my school
long before it was yours.

Okay, fine, you win "Oldest Student
Here" award. Now, will you please leave?

I'm sure the nondescript blazer
rental place is about to close.

Hey, hey,
cutie patootie!

Look, seriously, my name is Carlton,
okay? How hard is that to remember?


Yeah, I know
your name, silly.

I just think a better name
for you is Cutie Patootie,

you know, because you have
such a cutie patootie.

Hey there. Exactly how much
of that punch have you had?

Just enough to realize, you know,

that I might've been a little
short with you before, and,

I'm very sorry.
Can you forgive me? Hmm?


Yeah? Yeah?
Good, 'cause I...

I have just one teensy weensy
little tiny favor to ask of you.

What's that?

I need you to make a move
on Eldon's wife, Stephanie,

'cause I want that painted
whore out of the picture.

Okay? Can you
do that for me?

No! No, I cannot do that for you!

Fine, you suck!

What? Hey, your purse!

Ah, crap. Great.

Well, that figures.

What are those?

Just a copy of
every key in the school.

By the end of senior year,
I had managed to become

a member of the Trans-American
Western Custodial Union. Local 456.

Don't hold me to this, but I believe
I still have voting privileges.

Ah, it's been 35 years since
I've wandered these halls.

I think I'm gonna take a look
around. You want to join me?

That depends.
Do you have a hall pass?

You kidding?
I used to own these halls.

Did you bring me
a glass of punch

as some sort of
13 year peace offering?

Oh, no. Sorry, these are
both for me, actually.

I can grab you one
though, if you like.


I do have a question
for you, though.


Assuming that Parker Stevenson
had never been born...

Have you ever seen a very
attractive man solve a crime before?

I did see John Cusack
prevent a jaywalking once.

This is good.


Just give me a minute. I'm
gonna have to do my thing, okay?

You might want to steady
or brace yourself.

Why? What's gonna happen?

Well, I can't really say
with any degree of accuracy,

but I can tell you
that some animals,

slow adults and beautiful
girls have been known to swoon.

You just called me slow.

Excuse me.

Are you okay?

I'm a slave to it.

Wait for it.

Wait for it...

Don't do that.
Don't mock the spirit world.

It's beneath you.

Have you ever wondered

why you haven't been
married yet?

I don't have
to wonder. I know why.

Well, why?

I will get married
some day.

I just
haven't met him yet.

You don't think?

What about you?
What about me?

Abigail, lots of strapping,

brilliant type guys
never got married.

Ludwig van Beethoven.
Sir Isaac Newton, right?

Doing his thing. Jon Lovitz...

Jon Lovitz's brother...

Jon Lovitz has a brother?

Does it really matter?

I just figured it out.

What? Why you
never got married?

No, I know who
our murderers are.

So wait, now you are saying that
Howie and Eileen are the killers?


Wasn't Howie the victim
at one point?

Gus, that is so
40 minutes ago.

I bet you're still telling
your friends to "chillax. "

Shawn, why would two people
who just killed someone

be so casual,
smiling, dancing?

I agree. It is both
surreal and disturbing

to watch two murderers
do the cabbage patch.

That's the point, Gus.

They're trying to look
as casual as possible.

But I'm not fooled.

The question is why
are they sticking around?

We're looking for info
on our beloved couple.

Anything that might say
future killers.

What does that word
even mean anyway?

Greatness. It's like they
purposely set you up for failure.

I mean, what have I done in my life
that anyone would say was great?

Dude, the perfect cocoa roundness
of your head alone makes you great.

That's easy for you
to say, Shawn.

Nobody had any expectations
you would amount to greatness.

Gus, don't be an incorrigible
Eskimo Pie with a caramel ribbon.

It doesn't matter what
these people think of you but,

and I put this out there
as a challenge to you,

you really want to show them
you've lived up to your potential?

Help me solve
this case, please.

Come on! How many of our classmates
are out there solving a murder tonight?

Huh? A handful, maybe?

You could be one of them.



Dude, we've been looking in
the wrong John Hughes movie.

This isn't Breakfast Club,
or Curly Sue or Mr. Mom.

And it certainly
isn't Flubber.

Why are you hating on Flubber?

I would never hate on Flubber.

I'm not following.

What do all the best John
Hughes movies have in common?

A love triangle.

There's always a Duckie.

Do you recognize that guy?

Vaguely. I don't know
his name though.

Check the grad pics.

He didn't show up. Seventeen
no-shows. He's one of them.

But the question is,
which one?

Duckie, where are you?

Is this the same guy?

Good work, Gus. This is good.

I think I just figured
something out.

I gotta make a quick stop.

Are we back
in business, partner?

Milo and Otis.

I get to be Otis?
That's a given.

Okay. Look, but I have
to get back to the gym

and make sure
all the ballots are in

or we won't have a
reunion king and queen.

Meet you there?

Or, we could meet back here

and give each other makeovers to
Karla DeVito's We Are Not Alone.

It's your choice.


What are you doing here?
How did...

How did you even
get in here?

Place was open.

Your mom and I
were just looking around.

She's in the bathroom.

So what, you just...

You just thought it was a normal
thing to sit here in the dark?

Shawn, I used to fix up cars in this
very place when I was in high school.

I actually dropped the tranny out
of a '57 Chevy just like this one,

practically rebuilt
the thing from scratch.

When that thing was done,
baby, I tell you, it purred.

Well, now I feel awful.


She's still in the bathroom.
She missed that entire story.

Shawn, it's not my fault that you never
cared about anything in high school.

Yeah, well, as it turns out, it
seems I did care about something.

I guess it doesn't
matter much anymore.

Dad, do you think you can
miss out on a moment?

What do you mean?
Like, an opportunity.

You think you can miss
an opportunity in a moment,

you know,
and then it's too late,

and the course of your life
is changed forever?

Yeah. Absolutely.

Wait a minute.
Is this about a girl?


Life is not made up
of a single moment.

It's made up of
a gazillion moments.

What defines us is the choice
we make in the next moment

and the one after that.

These moments, Shawn,
they're happening.

They're all around us,
all the time.

You're having one right now.

I just keep wondering, like,

what if I had made
a different choice,

you know, like on
a particular night

in one of these moments,
who would I be now?

Well, I suspect that
you wouldn't be you.

Good talk, Dad.
I gotta run.

Actually, there is
one more thing.

Do you think I can borrow
your underpants?

Just for, like, 10 minutes?

Oh, come on!
We're already in the car!

These are... These are iconic
film references I'm making tonight.

His name is Peter Colter. Class of '95.

Can we hurry this up? I'm due back
in the gym to make my presentation.

If Chief Vick knew I was
running names for you guys,

I'd lose my ass.

We definitely don't
want that to happen.

Oh, wait! I have something.

What is it?

Well, it's not criminal,
but it's an accident report.

There was an accident
on June 6, 1995.

That was three days
before graduation.

Peter Colter
was the driver.

Alcohol was involved. He hit
another vehicle head on.

A man was thrown
from the car 20 feet,

he was rushed to the hospital,

survived in a coma
for seven months

and eventually died
from internal injuries.

Peter Colter was then charged
with involuntary manslaughter

and received
six years probation.

But there were two other
passengers in the car with him.

Let me guess.

Howie Tolkin
and Eileen Mazwell?

Yeah. How'd you know that?

Because I've seen Pretty
in Pink like 75 times.

Wait, wait.
And here's something else.

Well, it's small, but some petty
theft that was out of state,

a shoplifting
in Fallon, Nevada,

which leads me
to a restraining order.

It was placed one month ago by
Eileen Mazwell on Peter Colter.

For what?

Peter wasn't driving the car
that night. It was Howie.

What? And he took the rap
for the accident? Why?

A moment and a choice, Gus.

Look, Howie and Eileen
killed Peter.

I know it all now.

But no body, no crime.

Seriously, Jules? That has to be
on a poster around here somewhere.

It's just something we say.

Wait, so we know who the killers
are and we know who they killed,

but we don't have a
body? Where is it?

Well, if I was just some average
guy without any super powers

I'd say, "I don't know,
why are you asking me?"

But as head psychic of the
Santa Barbara Police Department,

I'd say,

"I don't know,
why are you asking me?"


It's still hidden
somewhere at that school!

O'Hara, what are you doing
here this late?

I thought you were
off tonight.

Yeah. You know,
I was out.

Stopped back by. I, you
know, forgot my Chapstick,

which I now have. Yay!

Where were you at?
Your prom?

Why would you say that?

Because you're wearing
a prom dress.

And are you two on a case?


Because I don't remember
assigning you one.

What are you looking at?

She was helping me.
I just made a bust.

Oh, and who was that?

That is a real schizoid.

Elizabeth Reba Davis,
AKA Mindy Howland,

who has been filling false
prescriptions under fake names since '96.

Oh, okay. I see.

Well, good work, people.

Oh, and by the way,

whatever it is
you're really working on,

you're not being
paid for this.

Thank you for that, Lassiter.

Yeah, sweet. Look, if you don't
mind, I'm gonna get back to this.

I don't want to miss
the mug shots.

I'm having fun. It's the best
date I've been on in a long time.

He landed here.
We know that.

There's no other entrance
they could have gotten into

unless they dragged
the body 200 yards

all the way back to the gym.


Wait a minute.

That is the girls'
locker room.

Oh, now that he remembers.

How would they even get
a body down there, anyway?

It's like a 13-foot drop.

There's only one way
to find out, partner.

I'm gonna ease you down
and I'll be right behind you.

You must be out of
your damn mind, Shawn.

I'm not going
down there first!

Are you kidding me?

You're gonna do this to me now,
after I've laid all the groundwork?

Now, would you just
get down there?

I don't want to do it.
Help me back up.

What do you mean? You're in.

Help me up, Shawn!

All right.

now you, Shawn.


Dude, I am so sorry.

I didn't realize
I had the keys all along.

Let's just get to it.

Okay, indeed.
Let's find us a body.

But first, let's both of us
take a private moment

to pay homage to all of the wonderful things
that have occurred here over the years.

Dude, it's
Howie and Eileen.

That's why they haven't
left the reunion.

They stashed the body
but now they've gotta move it.

Yeah, but where is it?

Did you hear that?

I think there's
someone in here with us.

I think it came
from the stalls.

Nobody's there.
Check the lockers.

Do you have a stick
or a small leaf?

Why would I have a stick?


We gotta get this body to Lassiter if
I'm going to accuse them of the crime.

Why don't we bring
Lassiter down here?

And we come back, and the
body is gone again? Come on!

If Tolkin finds us,
he's gonna strangle us!

He strangles people, Shawn.

Head or feet?

Shawn. Shawn Spencer.

Were you girls
able to get some punch?

What are you doing tomorrow?

Flying to San Francisco
for work.

You know I'm just here
for a little while.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah,
of course, I just, I...

Actually, I thought you might
want to see my elementary school.

You did?

Sure, this is... This is
only half the picture.

That was fun, right?

So, it is now time to announce

the reunion prom
queen and king!

Howie Tolkin!

And his real life bride,

Eileen Mazwell!

Where you going?
Howie! Eileen!

Come up here!

This is exciting!


Looks like history
has repeated itself.

Those crowns sure are heavy.

Yes, they are.

Heavy with lies.

You see, my fellow alumni,

one of your classmates
was murdered here tonight.

His name was Peter Colter.

Smart kid,
he was a whiz at fixing cars.

He was also the water boy
for the football team.

The reason you probably
don't remember him very well

is because
he lived in their shadow.

He worshipped them.

He'd do anything for them.

Including taking a rap
for a tragic car accident

that was actually
caused by Howie.

And you let him do it

because you didn't want to
lose your precious scholarship.

Poor Peter's life was stuck in
that moment and he never recovered.

That's why he didn't show up
to take his yearbook photo

and that's why he moved away and
ended up committing petty crimes.

Meanwhile, the two of you
moved on to UCLA.

You married your prom queen.

Probably never gave your old
friend Peter another thought.

That is, until
about a month ago.

Isn't that right, Eileen?

See, it's no coincidence

that the restraining order
you filed against Peter

just happened to coincide with

Howie here announcing his
candidacy in the State Assembly.

Peter couldn't
take it anymore.

He needed the truth
to come out,

so he contacted you.

You two did everything you could to
prevent him from coming here tonight,

but he came anyway.

He wore his letterman's jacket

with his special
State Championship pin,

still stuck in
that one moment.

He visited all his old haunts,
made a stop at the auto shop.

He got a little upset when he saw the
trophy shrine built to celebrate you.

Finally, he confronted you both
on the roof, drunk and upset.

But you couldn't let him
uncover the truth.

There was way
too much to lose.

So you gave him
one final push.

Silenced him
once and for all.

Three arrests
in one night. Not bad.

Please tell me
you have the body.

It's the furry
sabercat backstage.


Homicide Howie,
ladies and gentlemen.

And now, I'd just like
to take this opportunity

to thank someone who is not only
responsible for planning all of this tonight,

complete with a Rastafarian theme
that you all embraced so heartily,

but who is also the mastermind
behind solving tonight's crime.

I know, it's true,
I'm the psychic,

but oftentimes, my revelations
are nothing but cryptic mess.

Tonight, for instance, all I could
see was scenes from Pretty in Pink,

a giant rhombus, and a t-shirt
that read "Soccer Moms are Easy. "

Now, I don't know what
these things mean,

but Gus is somehow able to shape
them into cold, hard evidential facts.

But that is not what
makes him great. No, sir.

Burton Guster has been my
best friend since we were five.

And maybe, just maybe,

if any of you can look
yourselves in the mirror

and know that you've
been half as good a friend

to someone else
as Gus has been to me,

well, you too
can be considered great.

Give it up for my best friend,
Burton Guster.

Oh, Henry, we must've
done something well.

That was all you.

You know
that's not true.

I must say,
that was quite impressive.

If you're that good of a
detective, I can only imagine

what sort of midwife
you made.

Okay, this is 13 years
overdue, but here goes.

I know that you think that
I didn't show up the night

I was supposed to meet
you at the carnival,

but the truth is, I did.

You were standing
at the end of the pier.

You were wearing a blue
thin-striped baby doll dress,

Doc Marten sandals, black.

You had a row of red
butterfly clips in your hair.

Short jean jacket, and
the right pocket was ripped

because you always used to shove your
fist in there when you got nervous.

You were pacing
back and forth that night.

You waited around almost an
hour before you walked away.

These are our tickets
to the carnival.

I saved them.
I was so nervous, I choked.

And you know what? That
hardly ever happens to me.

But the truth is, Abigail,
I think I liked you too much.

And somewhere,
in the back of my head,

I knew what that night
would mean and even

how my life could be different
now if I hadn't let you walk away.

But this is a different
moment, and it's a chance

to make a different choice.
And you're really amazing.

And I know we can't go back in time, but
I do wish that there was some way back...

So I'll just keep thinking
and if there's anything

that comes to mind,
I'll let you know.

That was really nice.

Pretty much perfect.

Pretty much perfect...

So, where do we
go from here?

I don't know.

Maybe this is what
closure feels like?


I guess I'll see you
at the 20 year reunion?

Yeah, uh... Well, knowing Gus,
it'll probably be our 23rd.

But I'll see you there.


Bye, Shawn.

Dear Leland Bosseigh High
Administrative Board.

We accept that you are withholding
our deposit of $1,500 for damages.

We also accept that you just
see us as you want to see us,

in the simplest terms, in the
most convenient definitions.

A snarky psychic, an uptight
pharmaceutical salesman,

a pretty female
blonde detective

and a not so pretty,
unusually lanky detective.

But each of us
is all of those things.

Plus, our normal fee
for solving a murder

in one meaningful evening
is twice that.

So enclosed is
a bill for $3,000.

Please remit payment
in the form of a check

made out simply to Psych.

In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity

I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity

If it's all right
then you're all wrong

But why bounce around
to the same damn song?

You'd rather run
when you can't crawl

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

I know, you know

I know, you know