Psych (2006–2014): Season 3, Episode 16 - An Evening with Mr. Yang - full transcript

Serial killer Mr. Yin Yang who murdered 6 victims in 1995 resurfaces to play his cat-and-mouse clues games as he did with police officers back then. He has never been defeated and chooses Shawn as his next opponent and the clues come fast and furious to save a young woman. Each clue has to do with something in Shawn's past. Shawn also attempts to rekindle an old high school romance.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
WAITRESS: Hey, can I get
you guys anything else
before I close this check out?

As a matter of
fact, you can.

My partner,
Trapezius Milkington,

would like to see something
in a Belgian waffle.

Shawn, it's 12:30.

I do not want waffles
or eggs or Malt-O-Meal.

All right.
What would you
recommend?

Oh, my gosh!
If you're going to do this,
I'm going to the bathroom.

Excuse me.

Don't mind him.
His bladder's probably
smaller than yours.

Now go ahead,
and take my taste buds
on a fantastical journey.



I don't know...
I like the burgers.

Ah, ah, ah. I'm sorry,
I should have told you.

Only rule, it can't
be something that someone
would order for lunch.

Keep in mind,
we want to go
off script here.

Okay, I see.
Well, in that case
I would recommend

the pumpkin pancakes
with a side of lingcod.

Does that work?
Let's get married.

(SNICKERS)
You don't even know me!

Oh, really! Allow me
to introduce yourself.

Jetta girl, maybe green.

Backseat loaded with
empty Pinkberry cups.

Oh, my God!

Wrong!
I drive a Jeep.
A black Jeep.

(CLICKS TONGUE)
But you're dead-on
with the Pinkberry.



So what do you think?
Should we set a date
or what?

Mmm, I'll think about it.

Fair enough.
Mmm-hmm.

Let me guess.

She's considering your
proposal of marriage?

How could you
possibly know that?

Shawn, you use that
same tired-ass routine

on every other waitress
that serves us.

This is
categorically untrue.

You used it on that
80-year-old fixings attendant
at Fuddruckers.

What's your point, man?
My point is, you're going
to be 80 years old

and still shamelessly
hitting on waitresses.

Is that what you want?

Is that a trick question?

What do you think?

All right, Hitch,
you want me to take
a chance? Huh?

You want to see some
Will Hunting action?

Here we go.

Who are you
calling? Juliet?

That routine is as tired
as the waitress bit.

Wait for it.

(SING-SONGING)
Wait for it.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

(SOFTLY) Hello?

Abigail Lytar?
Judd Nelson.

Shawn, stop playing.
Is that really Abigail?

Shawn, is that you?

Of course it is.
Don't be ridiculous.

Look, clearly,
we left some loose ends
at our high school reunion,

so I was thinking
that maybe we should
get together.

Why on earth would you
think that's a good idea?

Oh, I don't know,
the last time I saw you,
we kissed for like 27 seconds?

BOY: Can I tell you
something?
Gord.

So just us,
sitting at the same table?

Hopefully a corner booth.

Abigail, what's
happening here is,

I'm asking you out
on a proper date.

Shawn, are you sure?

Are you sure about this?

Yes, I believe I am.

Pick you up at 7:00.

I'll be the one
flaring my nostrils
uncontrollably.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, God, no.

Done.
How do you like
them apples?

I sincerely hope
you didn't just do that
to prove a point.

She's a real person,
Shawn. That's no joke.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)
She misses me
already.

Oh. Chief!

Get down here now.
I'm not asking.

That's weird.

We received the following
letter about an hour ago.
It has been authenticated.

It's from the Yin-Yang killer.

Pay close attention.

"Hey, everybody, I'm back,
for one night only.

"I'm going to kill
someone tonight.

"Guess who?
Guess where? Guess how?

"This is going
to be so much fun.

"Signed, Mr. Yang.' '

He's looking
for a new challenger.
That's what he does.

Chief, I believe
he's speaking to me.

Trust me, I'm ready.

(SHAWN SCOFFS)

Well, come on people.
He could be talking
about anybody.

Look, just last week,

Officer Jankowicz guessed
my favorite variety
of snack cracker.

Tuscan wheat,
it's really obscure.

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end

What do we have
on his description?

We don't. We've never
had any age, ethnicity
or physical description.

The harsh truth
is that this is his game.

And we just have
to play along with him.

That's a terrific plan.

Especially since
it's worked out so well
in the past.

Chief, the Mayor's
on the phone.

Oh, here we go.
Detective Lassiter,

introduce Shawn
to our point person.

Spencer, listen up.
SHAWN: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Getting...
I'm getting something
already.

What? What is it?
I can see the killer.

Already?
Yes.

And I know exactly
where he is.

Right there.
Come on, that's our guy.

(CLEARS THROAT) Shawn.

Shawn, that is
Mary Lightly,

our profiler from
the Serial Homicide
and Abduction Task Force.

He is very familiar
with the patterns
of our killer.

And how to make
an attractive lamp
out of human skin.

Shawn, play nice.
He's a genius,
and we need him.

Mary, this is...

Shawn Spencer,
in the flesh.

See? He said "flesh.' '

You know him?
I've done my
research, okay?

Yeah, well,
I've Googled myself, too,

and there's a lot
of stuff missing.

This is my partner,
Sterling Cooper.

Hello.

So what's "Mary"
short for? Marion?

(EXHALES) No.

CARLTON: Great,
we're all good friends.

Care to shed a little
light on this subject?

Mr. Yang is
the most notorious killer
this city has never seen.

He claimed six victims
in the summer of 1995,

and has resurfaced twice,
claiming a single victim
in each instance.

He only resurfaces
when he feels there's
a worthy opponent.

Now, his M.O.
Is to challenge us

with the opportunity
to save the victims
by solving his riddles.

Question, regarding
the whole Mary thing.

My father's name
was Mary.

His father before him
was named Mary,

and his father before him
was named Craig.

Fair enough. Proceed.

Yin-Yang.

The origin
of this Chinese symbol
is the unity of opposites.

Two opposing,
and at the same time,
complimentary aspects.

Dark versus light.
Killer versus cop.
Kramer versus Kramer.

Just show him the riddle.

"She serves the General
well today

"whose soldiers
wait to die.

"In a white river
they shall pay

"for them
she will not cry.
Who is she?"

Now, this riddle came
with this stopwatch
already running.

(BEEPING)
One of his classic moves.

We've got one hour
and ten minutes, people.

Generals and soldiers.
She'd be in the military.
McNab!

Yes, sir!
Damn it.

I want you to contact
every military base
in an 80-mile radius.

Find out if any female
personnel have gone AWOL
in the last 48 hours.

And bear in mind,
it's the psychic that
he wants to play with.

Each riddle will relate
to him, personally.

Do you have
any thoughts, Shawn?

Yes, Jules, I do.

First of all,
his rhyming skills
are rudimentary at best.

"Today" and "pay"?
"Die" and "cry"? Come on.
That's bush league.

SHAWN: It's
bush, Lassy!

CARLTON: Spencer,
stop screwing around.
Get on with it.

I understand.
Yes. Thank you, sir.

Karen, you're not going
to use my son as a pawn.

Oh, I'll advise you
to proceed with caution.

Need I remind you
what happened

to the last detective
who went head-to-head
with this sick bastard?

He lost, and
an innocent girl died.

Now, I will thank you
to go home and let us
do our work!

Not going to happen.

Not going to happen!
Henry!

Your son is the only shot
that we have. Period.

Yeah, well,
not my problem.

MARY: Thus far...
Shawn!

Excuse me.

Hey, did I miss
a memo?

I thought Bring Your
Daddy to Work Day
was next week.

I forbid you to be
a part of this, Shawn.
You're coming with me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Forbid me?

I'm familiar
with your hands-on
approach to parenting,

but I'm not 27 anymore.
I can do whatever I want.

This guy
knows about you,

he knows about
everybody you care about.

Think about that.

You don't catch this
son of a bitch, kid,

you're never going
to sleep again.

Spencer, 55 minutes.

Go home, Dad.
I've got this.

Go home.

Sorry, guys. My dad
was just dropping off
my Zodiac DVD.

Can we focus, please?

"In a white river
they shall pay.' '

His seventh victim
washed up on shore.

Maybe there's a...
No! There's never
a repeat performance.

Okay? Each victim
is a new masterpiece,

and the first riddle
is always a gimme.

This guy is itching
to play the game.

Think about
the last 24 hours.

Gus! Gus, I got it. I mean,
I know who the General is.

His name is Mills.

General Mills,
the cereal manufacturer?

Exactly!
The white river is milk,
and the soldiers are cereal.

So who is she?

(SIREN WAILING)

Hi, welcome
to Captain Ron's.
Table for five?

There was a waitress here
earlier, long brown hair.

I haven't
seen her in a while.
She must be on break.

Where?
In the back,
by the lockers.

(BEEPING)

How do you know
this girl?

We don't really know her.

She served us
our lunch.

"Oh, rats, Shawn, so close.
Too bad she has to die.

"But how? And when? And where?
Don't bother asking why.' '

Well, he still
owes us a riddle.

This is just
the amuse-bouche.
He's taunting you.

I believe he's using
the Alpha-Bits
to send a message,

that he, too, believes
that breakfast for lunch
is way underrated.

Would anyone like
to try writing this
message with a burrito?

Open challenge.
Take a shot.

Exactly.
I rest my case.

And now
I want a burrito.

Can I talk to you
for a second, please?

Dude, what are you doing?
What are you talking about?

GUS: A girl's life is at stake
and you're acting like an ass?

Making jokes?

You haven't taken this thing
seriously from jump street.

Exactly.
Exactly?

Gus, I have to work
like this, okay?

That guy gets
in my head, we lose.

I have to do my thing.
I cannot show weakness.

And my fanciful rhetoric
helps defuse a situation

that's very tense
for the group.

But Shawn,
nobody is laughing.

Trust me.
They're laughing
on the inside.

That's how
it works, buddy.

And I need you
to help me out here.

Do you think
you can do that?

I'll try.
All right.

"Little League is over.
You just became a pro.

"Score a run,
we'll have more fun.

"Make sure you
beat the throw.' '

Next location.
How much time do we have?

Seventeen minutes.

(SIGHS) Wow.

I want pancakes.
Who wants some pancakes?

Whipped butter.
Maple syrup. What?

"Make sure you beat the throw"
insinuates a close play.

You gotta touch
home plate.

You gotta
touch home plate
to score a run.

That means the clue is back
at the police station.

Hmm. Mmm-hmm.

CARLTON: Make a hole!

Mom?
Hey, goose.

Hi, Mrs. Spencer.
Hey.

Spencer! Let's go!

We need to talk.
I'll make it quick.

Sure, no problem.
Find the clue.
I'll be right there!

Bye.
Bye

I'm not going
to mince words.

Your father called me,
he's worried about you.

He wants me
to convince you
not to do this.

So he calls you,
you hop on a plane.
That's how it works, huh?

No, Shawn, I didn't
fly down here.

I was at a conference
in Ventura.

You were in town?
Would've been nice to know.

Truth is, I'm worried
about you, too.

I did psych evals
of several officers

who were involved
in this first round
of this maniac's game.

It wasn't pretty.

All right, look,

first of all, Mom,
I have a date tonight.
All right?

So I have to wrap this up
at a reasonable hour.

And secondly,
this guy has never
gone up against me.

If I can stand here,
and tell you that
I will nail this guy,

are you really
going to tell me
to walk away?

Shawn!
Mom!

I can beat him.

I will

beat him.

Okay, goose. Nail
the son of a bitch.

Yeah. Okay,
I've got to go, Mom.

(SIGHS)

Please be right.

Spencer!
Conference room.
Thanks.

Well, someone must
have signed for this.

It wasn't delivered.
Dobson found it
outside the file room.

Well, how
in the hell can...

Okay, you know what,
people? Eyes open!

Chief? Lou Sardocki
from the Independent
is on the phone.

He says you owe him
a statement?

(FUMING) Oh,
I'll give him
a statement.

(TIMER BEEPING)

That's pretty clever.

"Meet my little
buddy Ben.' '

"Pitter patter is your hint.
If you can't remember when,
just read the fine print.' '

And we have
less than one hour.

Shawn, can you
speak to it?

No, he can't
speak to it!

Yes, he can.
Just give him
some room. Back up.

Fine,
knock yourself
out, Doctor Dolittle.

"Doctor Dolittle"?
I know you can do
better than that, Lassy.

I know you can.

(WHISPERING) I don't...
I don't know what I'm
supposed to remember.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Hey, everybody.
Guess who I am?

(SINGING) Hee, hee

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(STOMPING FOOT
RHYTHMICALLY)

I'm Michael Jackson.

King of pop.

(SOFTLY) Shawn,
I don't think
this is working.

Are you kidding me?
That was a home run.
Keep up the good work.

"Pitter patter"
is the hint.

Now, I don't think
we're speaking to a mouse.

I think the mouse
is speaking to you.

What do you got, Shawn?

"Fine print.' '

Hello, my friend.

It's the fine print.
He was walking on it.

Dude, this is crazy!

"Adam Hornstock
selling black snake.
Will go fast.' '

"Mira Gaffney seeks
Bruton Gaster
to love her tender.' '

(GASPS) All people
from past cases.

How do you know that?

I told you,
I did my research.

And finding
Bouchard's treasure
was extremely impressive.

Thank you, Willard.

My pleasure.

"Snarky psychic seeks
ferroequinologist to help
with killer smile.' '

He's calling me snarky?

"Ferroequinologist"?

A ferroequinologist
is a train enthusiast.

How do you know that?

Because I am
a ferroequinologist.

I too, am
a ferroequinologist.

"Love her tender.' '

The tender
is a small fuel car
right behind the locomotive.

And "black snake"
is slang for coal train.

There's only one
coal train that runs
through Santa Barbara.

(SIGHS) Thank God.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

CARLTON: The train's
right on time.
That is outstanding.

It's not
going to stop.

What?

It's not
going to stop.

This is just
a pull-through station.

What the hell
are we doing here?

Come on!
What the...

Where the hell
are you going?

Come on, Gus.
This is our fantasy, man!
It's like we're hobos.

I don't have
a hobo fantasy, Shawn.

(PHONE RINGING)

Abigail, you
called me back!

Yes, you left me very
specific instructions
in your message to do so.

Is this a bad time?
No, I can talk!

Look, we're still
totally on for tonight.

I might just have to push
the time a little bit.

(SIGHS) Uh-huh.
Let me guess, you're chasing
a serial killer or something.

Holy crap, yes! Yes,
that's exactly what
I'm doing! How did...

I cannot believe that you are
bailing on me again!

Hold on!

Tell Abigail
what we're doing!

Hello, Abigail!
It's Gus!

We're chasing
a train like hobos!

What?

She wants
to talk with you.

First of all,
his out-of-breath
voice is terrible.

He was bad in Othello
senior year, he's bad now.

Look, I'm just flashing
back to high school,

and I have this image of me
standing alone on a pier
looking like an idiot.

Look, I swear I'm
telling the truth!

I'm going to have
to call you back!

By the way,
you were beautiful
on that pier!

(GRUNTING)

(BEEPING)

Ah!

"A moving picture
is worth a thousand words,

"so read the story
and follow the birds.

"P.S. Once you're there
you'll hear a phone.

"You have eight rings
to pick up,

"or the girl is dead.

"Shame on me,
that didn't even rhyme.' '

We have 27 minutes
to solve this.

Okay. Here. This is, uh...
Okay...

What do you see?

Nothing. I don't see
anything. Not yet.

(FOOTSTEPS PATTERING)

(PANTING)

Oh, wait, I do
see something.
What? What is it?

I think you're going
to want to see this.
It's pretty good.

Let me on.

Mary, I'm surprised
it took you so long.

You seemed to spry.

Ankle weights.

I always wear them.
Even when I sleep.

I read about it
in Men's Fitness.

Totally reinvigorated
Ryan Reynolds' career.

So what's the riddle?
How can I help?

"A moving...
A moving picture.

"A moving picture
is worth a thousand words.' '

You've got to be kidding me.
You've got to be kidding me!

I got it!
I solved it! Let's go!

(SIREN WAILING)

That's it! That's it!
That's it! That's it!

(SQUAWKING)

"Follow the birds.' '

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

There.

(RINGING)

That's five rings,
Shawn! Answer it!

(RINGING)

Shawn, what
are you doing?

No, don't you see?
It didn't start ringing
until we were three feet away.

Answer the phone,
Spencer!

He's watching us
right now from somewhere!

Answer the phone, Shawn!

(RINGING)

If that girl dies,
you're an accessory
to murder.

Shawn, I hope to God
you know what you're doing.

Unbelievable.

He's been here.

He was here watching us
the whole time!

Don't touch anything.

Let's get CSI down here
to dust for prints.

There's no need.
I'm sure he touched things.

He probably touched
everything,

but you're not going
to find any prints.
He's too good for that.

What is this sick, twisted
admiration you have
for this whack job?

Now do you get
how good he is?

This puppy's
just warming up.

Hey everybody, check it out.

Look how big I am
compared to this plane.

(GUS CHUCKLING)

(ROARING SILENTLY)

I'm King Kong.

Guster, what the hell
is going on with you?

Seriously, man, I need you
to pull yourself together.

Oh, my God.

Let me see that.

(BEEPING)

I got it!

It's a message.

He says,
"You are a naughty,
naughty boy.' '

He's giving us
another chance.
She's still alive.

Let's go back
to the station,
wait for instructions.

Forget that.
I'm... I'm not going.

What do you mean?
I'm nobody's puppet, okay?

I'm done. I'm done
playing his little game.

I solved his puzzles.
I talked to a rat.
I even chased a train.

I'm finished.

No one's ever gotten
this far. That's why
he's still playing.

It's a sign of respect.

No. It isn't, Mary.
You said it, man,

with your fey name and
your weird Ken Burns haircut.

(SHOUTING)
He's too good!

Isn't that right?
He's better than me!

We never had a chance!
He's going to kill
that girl either way!

Maybe, maybe not,
Shawn, but I know this,
you don't just give up.

Tell you what, Jules, uh,
the next time a serial killer
calls you out, personally,

you can pick up
your little pompoms

and you can rally the troops
and never say die.

I'm out.

Now, get out.
All three of you.

I can't believe
I'm hearing this.

(SHOUTING) Should I
say it again?

You know what?
Screw you, Spencer.
We don't need you!

We don't need him, O'Hara.
We will find this sicko
on our own.

Come on!
We're running out of time.

(SNORTS)

Look, Shawn,
I know you're upset,
but if we give up now...

Gus, don't be
The Last of the Famous
International Playboys.

We're not giving up, okay?
Far from it.

The only chance we have
to win the game at this point

is to change
the rules, okay?

I took a risk out there
because I knew
he wouldn't kill her.

I knew he wouldn't kill her
because he loves
the game too much,

but that bought us time.
It bought us time
to work by ourselves.

Okay? We're going to...
We're going
to drop off his radar.

We're still going
to find the girl.

We're going to do it
on our own. That's our move.

All right,
but where do we start?

We go back
to the beginning.

Back to the beginning,
and we trace the steps
of Mr. Yang.

All right.
You like what I did
with the King Kong?

You're on fire.
You're even using props.

Just got this fax.
Traced it to a bogus
800 number.

"I'm no Doubting Thomas.
I pucker up to fights.

"Were you to shake my hand,
you'd have to use your right.
Who am I?"

Well, if Yang was watching,
he couldn't know
if Spencer flew the coop.

This could be directed
at any one of us.

Probably not
this guy.

It's me.
It's directed at me.

He must know
I'm a Civil War buff.

1863, Confederate General
Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson

was shot and killed
by his own troops at the
Battle of Chancellorsville.

He was known
for sucking on lemons,
even during combat.

And while he is buried
in Lexington, Virginia,

his left arm
is buried separately
near the battlefield.

Hey, you guys remember
that Pat Swayze miniseries,
North and South?

Talk about
Civil War buff, huh?

Oh, my God!

The Stonewall
Hotel and Suites!
Probably room 1863!

We've got to get
down there.

And you can count me
in for next year's
reenactment, partner.

Copy that.
Get my jacket.

Look, call me back, okay?
We're still on for tonight.

Gus and I are
making some serious
progress here.

Call me back!

Straight to voicemail.
That's not a good sign.

Wrong!
I drive a Jeep.
A black Jeep.

Gus, there's no Jeep.
I think he drove away
in her car.

We find the car,
we may find the girl.

Lassiter, hold on.

Find the girl's car.
It's a black Jeep.

We already did.
You got to get down here.

Where are you?

SBPD!

Room's clear!

Clear!

She's breathing.
I'll get the paramedics.

What is this?

"Shawn no longer
wants to play.

"Stakes too low
to make you stay"?

He's... He's got her, Gus.

He's got my mom.

Okay, I sent
a couple of officers

over to Abigail Lytar's
apartment, and she's fine.

But I'm posting them
on a watch until we can
figure out what is going on.

CARLTON: Spencer,
you need to get in here.

"You should be moving,
as most people do,

"but instead you sit
and enjoy the view.

"P.S. Mommy says, 'Hi'

and 'Bye'.
Just in case.' '

"VU.' ' Why did he
spell it that way?

Maybe that's the hint.

Or maybe he
ran out of lipstick.

Brendan Vu.

From the spelling bee.

Good guess,
but it's a misdirect.

I know exactly what
he wants me to watch.

You do?

(MEN CHATTERING ONSCREEN)

MARY: This is like
a needle in a haystack

made completely
out of needles.

Looks like we're
at the end game.

All right, we know
he used the waitress's car,
so there's a good chance...

It's definitely a chance.
What kind of car
does your wife drive?

She rents when
she's down here.

Do you know
what company
she rents from?

That could
narrow it down
to a few models.

It's blue.

It's blue, Gus.
We're looking for
a blue car. It's a sedan.

People, we're looking
for a blue car! A sedan!
MAN: Go, go, go!

All right, split up.
Squad, cover the exits!

MAN 1: West side! West side!
MAN 2: Roger that.

(GRUNTS)
Hey, man! Watch
where you're going!

WOMAN: Hey! Get off!

MAN: Get off the car!

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

MAN: Get off my car, man!

Hey, Ma.

Shawn! Shawn!
(WHISPERING) Shh, shh!
Dad, get down, get down.

Oh, jeez.

Mom.

I'm going to take
this off, okay?

Mmm.
It's okay.

It's just a decoy.

I know. I see that.

(PROJECTOR WHIRRING)

He's fine. He's breathing.
Yang must have
knocked him out.

SWAT, call for a medic!

(SIGHS)
Yes, ma'am.

(BEEPING)

Oh, my God.

Dad, she's strapped.

Oh, God, no.

Mom, where is he?

Maddie.

Henry?

Yeah, it's me, sweetheart.
I'm right here.
I'm not going anywhere.

All right, then
I won't, either.

Besides, I don't
really have anything
better to do right now.

It's just a pen.
It's just a pen!

What does this mean,
Mary? Tell us!

I don't know. This feels
more like improvisation.
This isn't his game.

We got here in time.
Maybe we won.

No, he's definitely
going to kill her dead.
I just don't know how.

He's been
one step ahead
this whole time.

Where's Shawn?

Hopefully one step
ahead of us.

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

All right,
be honest with me.
You're surprised, right?

I'm prettier than
you thought I'd be.

It's the bone structure.

I won. I beat you.
That was the deal.
Let my mom go.

You are just amazing.

Just my most,
most admirable foe.

But then, see,
I knew you would be.
That's why I chose you.

Because I'm...

I'm your yin.

Well, that's sweet.
Thank you for that.

But you're completely
surrounded.

There's no way
out of this for you.

(SIRENS APPROACHING)

Hey, you know what I love
about this movie, Shawn?
Its great resolution.

Okay, so call me
old-fashioned,

but really, is there
anything more satisfying
than a solid ending?

You call me a killer,
but the truth is,
I complete things.

And that is what
people really want,
to feel complete.

That, and
a corner booth.

And now, our story,
that we created
so beautifully together,

is going to end.

But how?

Do you want to know
what it is?

Or do you want
to be surprised?

(SIGHS)

CARLTON: Let's dial up!
GUS: Move in slow.

Stand down! Stand down!

MAN: Stand down. Stand down.
Move them back. Let's go!

(SIGHS)

(SIGHING) Let me guess.
You want to die, right?

That's the perfect
resolution?

Gee, that's original.
You're a clich?.

You're a knockoff
of a knockoff.

I could have killed your
mom hours ago, Shawn.

This switch has such
a light touch, like
pinching a baby's cheek.

And then, boom!
She blows up.

How much fun would
that be to see?

Oh, it gives me shivers,
I want to do that so badly!

(SIGHS) But then,
you wouldn't like me, Shawn.

And I want you to like me.
Oh, God, I'm so torn.

I need you to like me,
because we're going to be
working together again.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

You're going to rot in a cell
with four padded walls.
The end.

No. The end
of the beginning.

I'm going to write
a book.

Our story.

It's going to be epic.
A bestseller.

And guess what?
I want you to write
the forward.

Pass.

Okay.

But think about it
on your date tonight.

(LAUGHING)

Clear!

(SIRENS WAILING)
Take the subject!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

MAN: Go! Go! Go!

Let's go.

(SOOTHINGLY) Okay.
All right, you're okay.

You're okay. All right.

Think about it
on your date tonight.

She was there.
Gus, she was there
the whole time.

You got her, Shawn.
End of story.

Congratulations,
Spencer.

Don't be too excited
there, Mary.

It's not like
we just apprehended

Santa Barbara's
most notorious killer
or anything.

You're right, Gus. I'm sorry
to fly off the handle.

I've spent the last 13 years
of my life with this person.

I have to find a new hobby.

Two words.

Racquetball.

That could work.

Thanks
for your help, man.
I needed it.

Gus, you play racquetball?
Goodbye, Mary.

Until next time.
Okay. Okay.

There we go.
Better?

(SHIVERING)

Henry, I told him
to go for it.

That doesn't matter.

What matters is that
you're both okay.

You two are
the most important people
in the world to me, you know.

I do know.

Mom! Let's get you
out of here.

What do you need?
What can I do?

Let's see.
You already got me kidnapped
by a raging sociopath...

Right. Check.
What else?

Nothing!
Nothing, goose.
I'm really fine.

Your father's been taking
very good care of me.

Well, be good.
Yep.

If I'm not mistaken,
you have a very
important date tonight.

Oh, Mom, please,
I can reschedule.

No, you won't!

I'm fine!

The crazy bitch
snuck up from behind me
with chloroform.

Life is more than
catching bad guys.

You did a good
deed today.

Now it's time
to go see about a girl.

(SNICKERS)

It's time to go see
about a...

(LAUGHING)

How you like
them apples?

Well played, Mom.

All right.

Hey.

Shawn, did you really
just catch Mr. Yang?

Yes, I did.
And he turned out
to be a she.

Curious.
Yeah.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Hey, I'm sorry I didn't
believe you earlier.
I just, uh,

really didn't.

Half-apology
accepted.

Uh, I cut a deal with
the theater manager,

so this
is still happening
in a big, big way.

How do you feel
about popped corn?

I like it.
I like it very much.

Jules! What are you
doing here?

What I mean is, you know,
who's going to fit Mr. Yang

with her straightjacket
and iron mask with face grill?

Something tells me
there's an entire
precinct of officers

bidding on that job
right now.

Uh, can I interest you
in a Necco Wafer?

Shawn,
can you just not talk
for a few seconds?

Look, I just
wanted to tell you
that what you did today...

I mean, I can't imagine
being able to function
at that level

while your mom
was... You know.

I am, uh, clearly
not as good with words
as you are,

and I know that
things between us

have been
a little complicated,

and that there have probably
been some mixed signals,
mostly from me,

with regards to the time
that we spend together
outside of the line of duty.

Look, Jules...

Shh! Please,
just let me finish
stumbling through this.

I'm almost done.
I promise.

(SIGHS)

What I'm saying

is that I think, maybe,
the best things,

the richest things,

aren't supposed
to come easily,

and that sometimes
the moments that make
the most sense

happen when everything
else doesn't, and, well,

I think you deserve
more than popcorn
tonight.

So why don't you let me
take you to dinner?

Detective O'Hara,
are you asking me out
on a date?

I am.

A proper one.

Wow.

I cannot believe this.

All this time, and...

(SNICKERS) Your timing
is just awful.

It is?
Yeah, just dreadful.

(STAMMERING) What?

I can't go to dinner
with you, Jules.
I'm already on a date.

You are? What, here?

Yeah. Right now.

It's... It's weird, it's
a little weird, but, uh...

Yeah.

With Abigail.

The one that got away.

Yeah.

Get out there.

She's not going
to wait forever.

(INHALING SLOWLY)

Jules?

I am so sorry
for snapping at you earlier.

I know.

You all right?

Yeah. Why would you
even ask that?

Mostly because you look
like you got punched
in the stomach

and stopped breathing
for a few seconds.

Wow. I didn't realize
I was that transparent.

(CLEARS THROAT)

The truth...
The truth is, Abigail,
everything is not okay.

(CHUCKLES
NERVOUSLY)

And I don't know
exactly how to say this.

Try using words
to form a sentence.

I'm so, so sorry, Abigail.

They're all out of butter.

Wait, what?

I know. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

I don't know why
I'm apologizing,

'cause it's not my fault,
really, but I mean,
it's opening night,

and how do you
run out of butter?
That's cardinal.

That's cardinal.

What are we going to do?
I don't know exactly.

Uh, as you can see,

the kernels are fluffy,
and salted quite nicely.

I tried... I tried one.
But we do have
Necco Wafers.

Necco?

And Toblerone.

I love Toblerone.

Yes, I sensed
that you might.

It's like
a more sophisticated
Krackle.

Yeah!

Hey, you're sure
about this?

Absolutely.

Now, in with you

into this carriage.

(SIGHING) Okey-doke.

(GASPS)
That's what
I'm talking about.

Gus.
Hello, Abigail.

The thing is,
it's his car.

It's a company car,
and he's very
protective of it.

So just pretend
like he isn't here.

GUS: Are those
Necco Wafers up there?

SHAWN: Yes, they are.
Pass them
back please.

In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity

I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity

If it's all right
then you're all wrong

But why bounce around
to the same damn song?

You'd rather run
when you can't crawl

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end

I know, you know

I know, you know