Psych (2006–2014): Season 3, Episode 15 - Tuesday the 17th - full transcript

Fun riff on Friday the 13th with a Jason-wannabe who attacks a woman at her home one stormy night after she opens the fridge to a red paint-dripped note in her frig stating "I see you". Their old youth camp is being reopened and bizarre things are found in the lakeside there.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -

Hey, Shawn,
over here, buddy!

Hey, how about a big hello
for your old man
you haven't seen in a week?

Hi, old man.
Can we go now?

No. Where's Gus?

I think he got abducted.

No, there he is. Hey, Gus!

Perfect. Step on it.

You two didn't team up
on the pinata contest
this year, did you?

No. He ditched me for
golden boy Jason Cunningham
who wins every year

and I got stuck with the kid
who wore the jacket
the entire week.

It's a million degrees out,
why don't you go
live on Hoth, you freak?

You keep the pinata.

Okay, well, you keep
the ribbon, Killer B.
I insist.


GUS: Hi, Mr. Spencer.

HENRY: Hey, Gus, hop in.

All right.

Hey, Killer B, if you're
looking for your pocket knife,
it's still in my back.

Where's your clown pinata?

It's not a clown.
And wouldn't you like to know?

Camp Tikihama
Oh, what you are

Reaches near and reaches far

From white capped mountains
To crystal lakes

Sing out loud for Tiki's sake

Camp Tikihama you're so true

We'll come back
and we'll love you

Who are you?
What are you doing?


That's what you get
for being a harlot,
thank you very much.


WOMAN: What do you want?


Hello? Is somebody there?

I have a bat.







Sissy, thank God.

No, I'm fine.
It's just so quiet when
you're here all alone.

I took some cold medicine.
I think my eyes are
playing tricks on me.

No, no, no,
you guys go have fun.

I'm just going to
drink some tea
and hit the sack.

Tomorrow I will be
as good as new.

Okay. Bye.


Oh. Beyond awful.




I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end

SHAWN: Dude,
I'm telling you,
you cannot add lettuce.

It completely takes
you out of the burrito.

You don't seem to mind
if a taco has lettuce.

That's because everyone knows
the taco has assimilated, Gus.
The burrito remains authentic.

It's the Rollie Fingers
of Mexican cuisine.

Oh, my God.
What the...

Isn't that your...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's my
Rick Astley pinata.
I think it's dead.

Rick Astley?
That's what that thing
was supposed to be?

Oh, come on.
You sound like the judges.

Look at it. It's painfully
obvious, even now.

It looks more
like Ann-Margret.


I had it narrowed down
to Eric Stoltz
or Boris Becker.

Jason Cunningham?
Killer B.

What's up, man? Salmon run.



Shawn, it's good to see you.

Cunningham. Who would make
an Eric Stoltz pinata?
That doesn't make any sense.

And what are you thinking,
man? Children walk by
here every day

carrying their hopes
and dreams.

My sincerest apologies.
I couldn't resist. We found it
when we dredged the lake.

Dredged the lake?
You went back
to Camp Tikihama?

Yeah. Been there
and I bought it.

Yeah. I'm
reopening it Friday.

Let's take a walk.


All right, what's
the rub here, Cunningham?

I know you didn't track us
down after 20 years

to tell us that
Friday the 13th
is your new life plan.

Hey, look, I read the paper.
All right, you guys uncovered
a dinosaur

and rescued a mummy
in the same calendar year.

I need your help,
as detectives
and as old friends.

We're sort of missing
a counselor.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What does that...

What does that even mean,
"sort of missing"?

I know what you're thinking
and there are a million
possible explanations.

Her name is Annie,
she's kind of a Ioner.

She's a hiker and she never
tells us where she's going.

I don't say this very often,
but it sounds like one
for the proper authorities.

Are you kidding?

I call the cops and the press
gets a hold of this,
they'll go crazy.

The camp murder stories
will start all over

and I'll be dead
in the water
before I ever open.

Shawn, please. Look,
I poured 20 grand into this.

All right? It's all I've got.

Look, I'm sorry, Cunningham,
but my gut is saying no
in THX.

Shawn. If you can't do it
for that poor girl or an
old friend with a good heart,

do it for the children.

It's kids. It's for the kids.

I don't want to.

Just do it for the kids.
I don't want to.


All right.

May I help you, Detective?

Just thought these might
brighten the place up a bit.

Wow. What a wonderful
sentiment for you
to buy these for me.

Actually I bought four
just to have options,

but these were
by far and away
the worst ones.

Supposed to be poisonous.


Tried to give them to the lady
down in fingerprinting,
but turns out she's a man.

From birth.

I see, well, thank you,
I guess.

You're welcome. Here,
you get to choose
between these two.

They didn't make the cut
either. Be careful, though,
one of them is expired.

May I ask
what brought on
this generosity?

Yes, you may.

I have a very special dinner
date this evening
with my estranged wife.

You're reconciling?

Things have been pretty good
between us lately.

We've been friendly. Beyond
friendly. I've been asking her
to go to Gerard's for months

and she's finally accepted.

Wow. Gerard's, that's
a surprisingly chic choice,

That's where we had
our first date. Back then
it was a greasy spoon.

I had diarrhea
for a long while.

They actually changed
some health codes
because of it.

But new beginnings and all.
You get the connection.

Well, I really, truly
wish you the best, Carlton.
Thank you.

But maybe you should be
a little cautious here.

How so?

You know, the whole
eggs in the basket,
jumping with both feet thing.

Hey, you're a woman,
is it too early
to bring up kids?

SHAWN: Man, this place
brings back so many
bad memories.

Shawn, you need to let the
pinata thing go. We were 11,
I wanted to win.

It wasn't about winning
or losing, Gus.

It was about you and me being
an unflappable two-headed
pre-teen phenomenon.

Like the Mowry twins,
sticking together
no matter what.



You're all doomed!

All right, we're out of here.

Shawn, stop it.
He's kidding. Look at him.

Yeah, clearly.
He has a folksy
sense of humor.

The Garrison Keillor
of Tikihama. Turn around
before we get stabbed.

Where is he going?

I don't know.

This doesn't feel right, man.
We should not be here.

Look, let's just get it done.

We'll find the girl
and get home for some
Burn and Vertes

in a couple hours.

My treat.

Excuse me. Is Jason around?
We're old friends of his.

I think he's inside
trying to figure out
what's eating Gilbert Grape.

Turns out it was
a flesh eating virus.


Oh, I get it.
You're the funny guy.

You guys must be counselors.

I'm Clive, in charge of
all water activities
or anything wet.

Billy. Fitness, nutrition,
body sculpting.

I'm a bit of a fitness buff
myself. I'm training for the
Santa Barbara 1 K.

That's only about 3,000 feet.

There's not a lot
of training involved.


Oh, please don't do this.
Do what?

Every time you see
a marginally cute girl you
lose all semblance of reason.

I don't do that.
Just like you don't flick
your nose with your thumb

when you're
trying to act cool.

Jason, we made it.

SHAWN: What the hell
happened to him?
GUS: He's fine.

Those are nurse's shoes.
They're probably
very comfortable.

They're both left feet.

Hello Burton, Shane,
so glad you could drop by.

I had some biscuits
in the oven, but I forgot
to light the pilot.

Jason, are you feeling okay?

I'm super.
Did I tell you
about the biscuits?

My name is Shawn Spencer.
I'm psychic.
This is my partner Lumpkin...

My name is Gus.
But you can call me Slicks.

What's your name?

Sissy, arts and crafts.

How are you?
Good. Thank you.

Anyway, we are here
to help track down
your missing counselor.

I thought you said
Annie called.

I thought she would
call, but she hasn't.

She hasn't called,
but we're sure she's fine.

Jason, what haven't you told
them? You guys are aware
that this is...

Billy, let's keep
our business, our business.

This is just about Annie.
Now, show them the camp house.

What's with the doll?
It's for the kids, Shawn.
And I know what you're doing,

you're trying to interpret
everything as creepy

just because you're
jealous of Jason.

Let's just get this
over with.

This place is musty.
It's vintage, Shawn.


Hello, Sissy.
Hi, Slicks.

This is the last place
we know Annie was for sure.

I talked to her
on the phone last night.

She wasn't
feeling well at all.

Well, then, my guess is
that she didn't get up

at the crack of dawn
and go for a hike.

So you guys really came here
when you were kids, huh?

(LAUGHS) Well, you know
how it is,
do the bunk bed thing,

make some lanyards,
catch a fish.

Go home early because some
repair man got electrocuted
in the swimming pool

and the camp closed.

Oh, my God!
That really happened?

It was a tragic accident.
And it happened 20 years ago.

SHAWN: Gus, grab your suit.

What is that?

Laundry shack.

SHAWN: Who's doing laundry?

Not me. We're not
supposed to use the dryer.

It drains too much energy
and our generator's messed up.



Those are Annie's pajamas.

Doesn't mean anything.
She could be fine.

Billy's right. Maybe she was
painting a fire engine
and decided to go for a swim.

This is not paint, Shawn.

Who could do
something like this?

Anybody for the toothless old
guy on the rusty Schwinn?

(LAUGHS) You mean
the janitor?


Take a look around.
I really don't think you're
getting your money's worth.

Crazy old Erwen.
Erwen wouldn't
hurt a fly.

Would anybody like some tea?
Maybe something black?

You don't have to decide now,
I'll just put some on.

Okay, what is that about?

Tea isn't the worst idea ever.

It's a great stress reducer.

This cycle just started,
which means whoever
did this is close.

I say we go
looking for him. Clive?

Define "looking for" because
I don't really feel like
losing any of my extremities.

We stay within shouting
distance. We meet back
at the office at 6:00.

Nobody's one minute late.
You got me? Let's twist this.

You guys aren't going to
let me go alone, are you?

Yes, we are.
Of course not.

We were actually thinking
of staying here
in the laundry shack.

Really scoping this place out
with a fine-toothed comb.

Oh, please, Gus,
Annie could be
out there somewhere.

I hear you.
She's right, Shawn.
Annie needs us.

Excuse him.

We've never met Annie.
She could be
a terrible person.

We've suddenly have fallen
into some kind of
slasher movie scenario

and we're making
all the classic mistakes!

We stay here,
shut the door,
wait for help.

At least take
something pointy.

SISSY: Annie!
GUS: Annie!

It'll be okay, Sissy.

I'm sure there's
a perfectly logical
explanation for all of this.

No, there isn't.
But I appreciate your attempt
to put me at ease.

I'm literally shaking
over here.

Don't worry.
They call me fearless Guster.



And there's plenty more
where that came from!

Annie? Annie?


Is somebody there? Huh?

I'm right here!



May I help you, sir?

I certainly hope so.
I have a reservation under
Carlton Lassiter and spouse.

Your reservation
is for 7:00 p.m.

That's right.
It's 5:20.

Yeah, well, parking wasn't
quite the rattlesnake
I'd anticipated.

Well, sir, none of our
wait staff has arrived
as of yet,

but I can assure you
the table will be ready
at 7:00, sharp.

I'll wait.

You're going to stand here?

I'm a peace officer.
I'm practiced in surveillance.

I can remain motionless
for up to eight hours
if need be.

The bar is also open,
if you'd prefer to sit.

Oh, that's good, too.


I was kind of nervous
so I got here early.

Me, too.


Hello? Shawn?

SHAWN: Jules. Wow.
You made really good time.

Shawn, are you
hiding in that closet?

No. No, I'm not.
That's a negative.

How have you been?

Okay, this is weird.

Here's the thing, Jules, and I
wouldn't possibly have
expected you to know this,

but sometimes
the psychic headlights
can get a little bright

and I have to balance that
effervescence with dark space.

Closets are very good,
coffins are great.

Shawn, you sounded
really spooked on the phone.
What's going on?

Yeah, solid question
and I'm going to bring you
up to speed,

but first, would you mind
coming back in and catching me
doing some inverted sit-ups

or perhaps lifting
a large anvil over my head?

Where's Billy?

I don't know. We split up.

Well, did you find anything?

I stumbled upon
Erwen's living quarters
and I mean that loosely.

Gus, there you are.
Look who I found.

GUS: What the...
I'm Clive. I'm hilarious
and I have no girlfriend.

Hi, I'm Juliet
and I'm a cop.

Nice rejection.
Very clean.

Have you seen Billy?

He said 6:00 sharp,
not a minute late.

And then he said
let's twist this.

It's ten past.

Listen, if half of what Shawn
has told me is true, none of
you are being very smart.

Everyone needs to get inside
together now. Let's go.
Come on.

So you don't really know
this Jason guy at all?
Any of you?

SISSY: I can't believe
I let him talk me into this.

Careful, Sissy.
You of all people should...

Forget that. Enough is enough.
Jason wasn't completely honest
with you guys.


I can't imagine what you
were about to say, Sissy.
Can't even imagine.

Who is she?
Detective O'Hara.

One of Santa Barbara's
finest, both literally
and figuratively.


Pardon me?

No cops. You gave me
your word, Spencer.
You've ruined everything.

Look, Jason, we have
blood soaked pajamas
in the dryer

and now Billy's missing, too.
I think it's safe to say that
there is a clear and present

danger here.

I'm finished.
I can't open the camp now.
Not now!

Listen, Jason, I am not
the enemy here. I think we all
just need to stay together.

Nobody had to know.
I could have fixed this.
You've destroyed me, lago!

What does the parrot from
Aladdin have to do with this?

He's not well.
We can't just let him go
out there all by himself.

All right.
No, you stay here with us.

She's right.
You stay here
with Sissy and Clive.

Gus and I will bring
Jason back. This is our case,
he's our responsibility.

You must be out of your mind
if you think for one second
I'm going out there.

I've seen enough slasher
movies to know that when a
brother goes off to the woods,

he doesn't even
sort of come back.



LL Cool J made it
all the way through
Deep Blue Sea.

That was in the water, Shawn,
with sharks and Sam Jackson's
ass still got swallowed whole.

Fine. I'll go alone.

I don't like this, Shawn.
Well, your hands are a little
bit tied, aren't they?

Plus when you showed up,
I was hiding in a closet.
So I figure I'm due to man up.

If I'm not back in exactly
four minutes,
please go looking for me.

But really start
giving it some
serious thought after two.

And if you think that there's
anything even slightly amiss
after 45 seconds,

you're the leader here.

I told you we never
should have come back
to this place.


Dude, we took a vote!

Staying in the house,
not wandering around
the woods won!

Pretty much unanimous.

Oh, man, we can totally
do laundry in the morning!


Are you okay?
Are you okay?

Are you okay, Annie?




Drop it or I will shoot you
where you stand!

No, don't shoot!

JULIET: I have the shot!

Don't shoot!
Shawn, what are you doing?

This isn't Friday the 13th.

It's April Fool's Day.
Same formula, but
with a killer twist ending.



You almost had me.

Your humble servant,
my lord.



Mr. Cunningham. Bravo.

You did it, Shawn.
You really are
something special.

What the...

Detective, please forgive me.

You so were not
supposed to be here.

Somebody tell me
what's going on right now.

(LAUGHING) In a nutshell,
Jason's reopening
Camp Tikihama all right.

But it's not for the kiddies.

I mean take a look around,
he didn't even refill
the swimming pool.

No, he's got something
much darker in mind.

A murder camp.

It's like those mystery train
things, but way, way cooler.

Every other week, eight people
pay to have the bejesus
scared out of them

and solve a
whodunit murder mystery.

I needed a rehearsal.

And you two were in on this?

Only the set up, the dry run
Jason started caught me by
surprise, scared me senseless.

But, whoa, what a rush.

We all knew about the camp,
but we had no idea
that we were going to be

his little guinea pigs
this week.

It was so weird. I could sense
that there had been a struggle
in the kitchen.

It's me. It's me. It's okay.
It's okay. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Left quite a mess,
but somebody covered it up.

That's amazing.
How did you know
it wasn't real?

Well, I'm a psychic, Jason.
There's no reliable
defense for that.

I could feel that nothing
was what it seemed.

But I couldn't have
done it without Gus.

You were right, partner.
That wasn't paint
on Annie's clothes.

Paint dries so does blood.
But corn syrup mixed with red
dye number three, not so much.

That's how we do it.
Yin and yang. I'm the spark
that starts the fire.

Of course that probably
wouldn't have occurred to me
if you hadn't wiped it all

over your pants, buddy.

You see my best friend can't
stand the sight of blood.
He's even fainted on occasion.

That's not true.

What? I don't believe you!
You were in on all of this?

Well, Jason called me a week
ago and I figured this was
the perfect chance

to get Shawn back for an
entire lifetime of scaring
the daylights out of me.

Killer B.


So history repeats itself.

You two are my
least favorite tag team
of all time.

Really? With Iron Sheik
and Nikolai Volkoff
on the table?

Wow. You just
made that reference.

Well, I'll tell you what,
let me start
the apology train.

There is champagne
on ice inside,
maybe strawberries.


We should go inside.



On three.
One, two, three.


Thank you very much, sir.

Come on, Jules,
try to have some fun.

We're not being chased
around by an ax-wielding
maniac anymore.

It's kind of a sick
little charade and been
a colossal waste of my time,

but since it's not a crime
to be distasteful,

maybe I can
hang out until
the storm passes.

I think I saw some
Choco-diles in the fridge.

I shall return.


Crazy old man,
what have you done
to yourself?

MAN ON RADIO: If you're trying
to make it up to the mountains
this weekend, good luck.

Highway 17 has been completely
blocked by an overturned
logging truck.


Perfect, the wind probably
brought down the only tower
we had in the area.

I'll radio
for an ambulance.

Don't bother.

They won't be coming
and we won't be going.
Not tonight.

The road is
completely blocked.

Of course it is.

A confidante told me,
not too brazen, that I should
proceed with caution.

And then I realized
that's exactly my problem.

I never took any chances.

I didn't seize the moment.

I never let my emotions
carry me. I analyzed
it all to death.

Protecting myself or
protecting something,
I don't even know what it is,

but that's why
we're here in this place.

I want to restart.

I want a second chance
at a first impression,

so here is something
from the guy with
nothing to protect.

Heart's on his sleeve,
hat in hand.

Don't say anything.

Just put it on.
It is long overdue.

No, this is...
It's just too much.

Oh, I've been working some
overtime lately and sold some
confiscated knives

on Craigslist.
Of course that stimulus check,
that certainly helped.

There's been a big mistake.

What? Did I do something?

No, it's me. I think...

I think that I was not very
clear about my intentions

when I said that I needed
to meet with you.

What is this?

It's our divorce papers.

Nobody is to touch that body.

I can justify moving it
because of the storm,
but until further notice,

that porch is off limits.

Do we know
what happened to him?

It's impossible to tell
before an autopsy.

But there are no
clear signs of foul play
that I can see.

He certainly didn't
strike me as much
of a swimmer.

His trailer doesn't
have any running water.
I think he bathes in the lake.

Still nothing. I want to know
the second any of you
can use your phones.

I guess this kills the game
of strip cribbage that
I was trying to start.

No, let's do it.
Anything to get my mind off
this day. Come on, Gus.

Jason, you're playing, too.
Whatever you say, my dear.

Come on, Clive, you know
you want some of this action.

No, thanks.
I got weird nipples,

though it does seem
appropriate to play a game
with a dead guy on the porch,

I got a date in the den
with the moon patrol.

What about you, Annie?
Are you in?

Um, no. I want the rest
of this muck off my neck
and I want a hot shower.

Annie, where do you
think you're going?

Away from the animals.

Don't worry, you don't
need to baby sit me, okay?
I'll just be in my cabin

regretting the decision
to take this job
in the first place.


Jules, may I have
a word, please?

Something still feels off.

I'm getting some pretty strong
vibes that Erwen didn't have
the big one

while he was
exfoliating his armpits.

Can't you do
better than vibes?

Jeff Goldblum
and Cyndi Lauper couldn't.

How about you let me have an
honest look at that body?

All right.

He's a little nicked up, but
the current carried him pretty
far, so it could be anything.

No touching, Shawn.

Didn't need to be said.

JULIET: Anything?

It's not clear. Not yet.


Strip cribbage, my ass.



God! Jason, you jerk.
That's not funny at all.
Get out of here.




What is that now,
four in a row?

This is nuts.

You still have on your shoes
and socks. Do you even know
how this game works?


Boy, Billy, I will give you
everything in Gus's wallet
if you put your pants back on.


Dude, please cover your junk.

Probably just a breaker.

Back in a flash.

You guys aren't afraid
of the dark, are you?

Thank you.

Let's not.

You know this has been
coming for a long time.

Honestly, let's just skip this
part. Signed them while you
were in the bathroom.

Really? Two years ago
you would have thrown them
in the fire.

No. Two years ago I would have
lit them on fire and put them
back in your purse.


I don't think this place
likes me very much.

I don't think I'll ever
stop loving you,
not completely.

Say something.

When you first left me,
I may have had you followed
and cloned your cell phone,

but it doesn't matter.

It's not about
the past anymore,
it's about tomorrow.

So I'm not going
to say a word.

You know that I want to.
I want to scream to the sky
that I would do anything

to get you back,

but I'm going to let you go
because that's what you want.

Once you walk out that door,
I'm going to let go
of everything

I've been holding onto
so we can both have tomorrow.

Bye, Victoria.

Bye, Carlton.

Stupid breaker.


Jason. You scared
the crap out of me.





I stumbled upon Erwen's
living quarters and I mean
that loosely.

Shawn, what's going on?

I think we have
a very serious problem.

What the hell is this?

GUS: What the...

Clive killed Erwen.
I don't know why, but he did.
And now he's out there.

And so are Billy and Annie.

Listen to me very carefully,
I want you all to stay
together in the living room.

Don't open the door
for anybody but me.
SHAWN: I'm coming, too!

We can cover
more ground this way.

We're not discussing this.
There's not time.

Buddy, it'll be okay.

I'm going to be right back.
You hold down the fort.

This is a disaster.
I hire a psychopath to
work at my murder camp.

What are the odds?
Let's just keep it together.
Nobody's getting in here.

We're going to be okay.

What was that?
What was what?





SISSY: Jason!

Get her out of here!

JASON: Get her out of here!
Get out!




What are you
doing out here?

He was in...

I don't understand.

He was in the house!



Oh, my God, Gus!

Stay here!


You're okay! You're okay!

You're okay! You're okay!
You're okay! You're okay!



Clive, you don't want
to do this! Gus!

Oh, but I do!
I'm quite sure of it.

You see the man that died here
20 years ago was my father!

Of course he was.

And you guys
think it's funny? It's fun?

You want to re-enact it
for a game?
Well, I can play, too!

Shawn, what are
you doing here?

I came in here
to save you!

I beat him already!

Well, I can see that now!

Here, take this!

This is a pool skimmer.

There's not a lot
of options here, Shawn!


Clive, I was
a victim here, too.

You're one of them!
And now you're going to die!

I don't even like Jason.
My pinata was a
lot better than his!

What are you
even talking about?

I don't know.

I was trying to make a point.
Things got personal.


Gus! What are you doing?

I'm causing a diversion!

You're all the same!
You want murder and mayhem!

Well, you got it.
This is my game.
And guess who's going to lose.

Gus, get back!

Jules, a little help here!
I don't have a shot, Shawn!

Take the shot!
I don't have it!

Get it!

Shoot that mother...


In the hand?
Are you kidding me?

Don't move.

You're going to be
okay, Jason.

I'm so sorry.
I never meant for anybody...

We know you didn't.
Neither did I. Just...

Time will heal.
You'll see.

Just get yourself right.

I'm going with him.

Why don't you
stay here with us?

I really should go.
After all, he is my fianc?.


I'm right here
with you, honey.
You're going to be okay.

I just wanted to say thank you
for shooting that whack job,
psycho killer in the hand.

My pleasure.
And I know this
probably sounds weird,

but even though I was really
scared and discombobulated
and whatnot,

that level of pinpoint
marksmanship from you is
easily one of the

sexiest things
that I've ever...




How could something so ugly
happen here? Just doesn't
make any sense.

Last looks, Gus,
it'll be a cold day
in hell before we ever...

I'm sorry I ditched you
and made a pinata
with Jason Cunningham.

Apology accepted.

In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity

I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity

If it's all right
then you're all wrong

But why bounce around
to the same damn song?

You'd rather run
when you can't crawl

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end

I know, you know

I know, you know