Psych (2006–2014): Season 4, Episode 1 - Extradition: British Columbia - full transcript

While on vacation in Vancouver, Shawn finds himself in the presence of an elusive art thief that Lassiter has worked his whole career to catch, much to his ill, and Gus's as well.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
That was your teacher.

Apparently, you were the only one
who didn't turn in his art assignment.

So there's going to be an empty space
on the wall at open house tonight.

Actually, dad,
I'm pretty sure I did finish it.

It sounds to me like it was stolen.

So somebody

breaks into the school, and the only
thing they steal is your painting?

Why's that?

Because it's the perfect crime.


Shawn, there is no such thing
as a perfect crime.

We leave in 45 minutes.

Make something pretty.

Is your hair starting its own cult?

Trying to do a performance review here.
I thank you not to bother us.

That seems like a strange thing to thank
me for, but you're welcome, of course.

And now, as a show of gratitude, how
about a little advance on our next case?

You're not an actual employee
of the police department.

Define "actual",
wait, define "police", wait...

I'm not giving you
an advance on a case

that may or may not happen
in the future.

Perhaps I know something you don't.

Let's be honest. It's not like crime
is going to suddenly stop, is it, Gus?

Seems very unlikely.

- Out.
- So that's a no on the advance.

Pardon me for asking the obvious
question, but how are you out of money?

You have no possessions
and no expenses.

- That's mostly true.
- That's completely true.

But Gus and I also have
a big ski vacation planned.

Ski vacation?

Mr. Spencer,
it's the middle of summer.

Where are you gonna find snow
at this time of year?

- Are we ever gonna start skiing?
- Soon as I finish this hot chocolate.

- Why don't you just throw it out?
- I would,

but this hot cocoa represents
the end of our vacation money.

How are we out of cash?
We've only been here four hours.

The American dollar was not
as strong as I anticipated, Gus.

Which is why I had to put
the whole thing on a credit card.

You don't have a credit card.

I said a credit card,
not my credit card. It's your card.

That's why I'm being so aggressive
about getting the money to pay you back.

See that? A month ago I would've had us
styled up with those girls tonight.

- What?
- But I'm spoken for now.

I have Abigail, and she has me.

You have been talking about her
this whole time.

- Why didn't you bring her on this trip?
- Gus, you are my best friend.

Because I've entered into
some newfangled relationship

does not mean that our guy time...

goes by the wayside.

You know,
if you're gonna keep staring at girls,

you can't preach about
how committed you are to Abigail.

All right, first of all,
the person I'm staring at is a man.

He's handsome...
dimples, brooding eyebrows...

But a man nonetheless,
and I... know that guy.

You don't know that guy.
I think he's wearing $10,000 skis.

- All you own is that hot chocolate.
- I've seen this guy before.

I can't place where.

Well, I can play too!

I need you to like me.

He arrested Ernesto Ramon Chavez.

Dude. You remember
when we were in Lassie's apartment

- and we saw his wall of suspects?
- When Lassiter killed that guy?

He didn't. We got him exonerated.
I got punched and pistol-whipped.

I'm still not sure
he didn't kill that guy.

What does the name Pierre "Des...

per-ea-eux mean to you?

Are you in my apartment?

I haven't snuck into your apartment
in weeks.

We're all out of peanut butter.

Whatever you're up to, just stop.
No need for a psychic with an art thief.

- He's an art thief?
- No way.

A dangerous art thief, right?

Never been caught, never left
enough evidence to be accused.

Cut to the chase. What kind of reward
have we for catching this guy?

- Or an advance for catching him.
- Or a finder's fee.

- I'm looking right at him.
- You don't do anything.

You have no jurisdiction up there.

You have no jurisdiction anywhere,
especially in Canada.

- You're not thinking the thing through.
- You're right. With the exchange rates.

- We won't get the check right away.
- Ask about taxes.

Listen. Despereaux is mine.

I absolutely forbid you
to do anything.

Sorry, too late.
It's time for us to catch a thief.

So what do we do now?
Do we call the authorities?

We make sure it's Despereaux.

And I have an ingenious plan
to smoke him out.

Sounds good.

- That was your plan?
- Let's go!

Turn, turn, turn!

I think we should've taken
that second ski lesson.

We're doing great!

Remember what the instructor said.

Pizza slices to slow down.

French fries to speed up.

We got him.

There's only one move
we can't follow.

What's that?

He just made it.

- The slow, gentle turn?
- That was it.

You know what this means.

That we suck at skiing?

It means that this hot chocolate

just became a write-off.

Psych 401
"Extradition British Columbia"

Timing: Psych Team

What did this fellow's name
was again?

Pierre Despereaux.

It's 11 "o"s, I believe.

Pierre Despereaux.

Thefts in London, Belgium,
Switzerland, South Africa.

Where'd you came across him again?

Ultimately we cornered him
at a resort up in Whistler,

but first, I sensed his presence here
in your country.

I don't follow.

Just one second, please.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Have a little faith. I've done it once.
I can do it again.

- We are in a foreign land.
- Not really.

- We went through immigration.
- Why you gotta question everything...

Here's the thing, Robert.
The thing is this.

I am a psychic.

We work for the Santa Barbara
police department.

We've solved over 47 cases.

I'm also a pharmaceutical rep,
if that means anything to you.

- You've seen The mentalist, right?
- Yes.

- It's like that.
- Except that guy's a fake.

If I was a fake psychic,
it would be eerily similar.

- Exactly the same.
- A virtual carbon copy.

Okay, well, now, Mr. Spencer,
you seem like a nice enough guy,

but you should know that there are many
here at the R.C.M.P.

that would be a little more skeptical
of these alternative methods

than you're probably
used to in the States.

- What's he doing?
- He's having a psychic episode.

- It's a bit off-putting.
- You get used to it.

Hey, biking to work. I like it.
It's great for the environment.

I live a kilometer away,
but, yeah, actually.

It's cleaner.

Hey, you.

How's the little guy?
Is he walking yet?

Barely. He just turned one.

Do I know you?

Robert, give me your mitts.

I'm sensing that you have
a lot of really good ideas,

but that nobody around here
seems to want to listen.

Stay the course, buddy.
You'll have your day.

I'm getting Ed.

I am getting Ed.

You gotta be more careful, Shawn.
This boss comes out, it's make or break.

No more wild guesses.

Get your socks ready, Gus,
'cause I'm about to knock them off.

What you got?

- I got nothing. You?
- Nothing.

- I got it.
- No, you don't.

- Yes.
- It's obvious...

- Don't tell me, don't tell me.
- Shut up!

So, you work as a psych...

You wouldn't by chance
be celebrating

a birthday anniversary
any time soon, would you?

- You kidding me?
- Yes.

That's amazing.

My birthday's today.

How'd you know that?

It's all right here.

Hello there, constable.

This is deputy commissioner Ed Dykstra
with the Vancouver R.C.M.P. office,

and I'm here with a couple fellas
you work for,

and they have some psychic information
about a Pierre Despereaux.

- You familiar with him?
- Familiar?

I've been tracking that man
for 6 years.

I'm the closest anyone's ever
gotten to catching him.

That's terrific.
If you could just send up those files,

detective Spencer and I
would be much obliged.

Detective? Are you kidding me?
Despereaux is not to be messed with.

Check with Interpol.
He's cunning and dangerous.

And if he is up there,
you will need my expertise on this.

I know all his patterns. I want to be
made a full partner on this.

I think that's something you
better run by your superior here.

- I don't want...
- Hey there, buddy.

Spencer, you listen to me,

and you listen good.
You do not touch Despereaux.

Wait for me.
I'll be on the next flight.

I sure would love to see you too,
but don't you think you should focus

on your case load? I don't think
the chief's going to approve this.

I have 325 days of unused vacation time.
I will see you in five hours.

Chief, little favor to ask.

Do you believe that? A high-ranking
member of the U.S. law enforcement

not being allowed
to carry his weapon on him?

Did you really think
it wouldn't set off the metal detector?

I've got to get my hands on a gun.
I have enemies everywhere.

- Maybe I can pick one up at the hotel.
- Absolutely.

Right downstairs in the gift shop.
They have kleenex, mixed nuts,

and 9-millimeter lugers.

- Thanks for letting me use your miles.
- Thanks for bringing me along.

you wouldn't let me use your miles.

It was really sweet.


See taxi to False Creek.

We're not here on a sightseeing mission.
We are here on official business!

Got you.

It is business.

Looks like Despereaux
already made his first strike.

It's a crime scene.

Can I help you?

Listen, Dudley, I'm detective Lassiter
and this is my partner, O'Hara.

We're from the SPBD.

You work for Mr. Shawn Spencer.


So sorry. I've been instructed
not to let anyone in

without checking
with head detective Spencer first.

- This is a joke, right?
- Brace yourself, guys.

He never steals a single item.
It's always, always multiples.

That's directly
from my report... Spencer!

Don't interrupt the head detective
when he's working.

The ions are specifically
concentrated here

and here.

Crime ions.
Write that down.

- This is Mr. Lassiter...
- Detective.

And his partner, Juliet O'Hara.

They are from Santa Barbara.

Welcome aboard.
Glad you made it okay.

You look...

normal and stuff.

I got nothing.

This is Mr. Stockwell,
owner of the necklace in question.

Well, Mr. Stockwell.
May I call you Gibby?

- My first name is Randolph.
- I've heard it both ways.

How's he doing?

- He's been better.
- Let me start by saying,

let us not cry over spilled syrup.

it's a little silly for a man

of your stature to wear
a necklace like this.

- What are you talking about?
- The necklace

is an authentic Edwardian
baroque caliber-cut piece.

It has never touched human skin.

It is worth $3.5 million.

What are we talking?
Canadian dollars?

He stole something else too.

He stole a painting.

Ed, he's better than I thought,
I'm afraid.

I sold that painting two weeks ago.

If I may,
I'd like to determine whether this

was actually the work
of Despereaux. Now,

I assume you found
no alarms tripped?

- No prints?
- No, none...

But we did find a burning cigarette
in the ashtray over there.

And Mr. Stockwell is not a smoker.

- A merchanteuse blonde?
- Blonde?

Where's the blonde?
I'll need to read her immediately.

It's a blonde filtered cigarette.
Merchanteuse. It's french.

Despereaux always leaves
one burning as his signature.

The only photographic of Despereaux

is extremely any chance take
of wondering...

Despereaux always comes in
and out of town undetected,

with an army of aliases,
usually of an artist.

Pardon me!

If everyone would like
to join to the roof,

the psychic criminal-catching portion
of the day is about to begin.

Everyone, please stay where you are.
He does this all the time.

Mildly impressive
that you found me here.

You two are making
a marked improvement from your...

harlequinade antics on the slopes.

In my defense,
I have two left knees.

You know what's more impressive?

In about 15 seconds,

you're gonna see a fierce,
albeit gunless, American detective,

his striking snow bunny partner,
which I mean nothing salacious by,

and half the R.C.M.P.

are gonna storm this roof
and take you down.

Wait for it...

I'd love to.

But I really have to go.

Where do you think you're going?

To my room.

Now it's your turn

to wait for it.

Clearly, that was more impressive.

I am telling you, he was here.
He was right here.

And he jumped off.
From a handstand!

It wasn't from a handstand,
he just...

- He jumped off normal style.
- He jumped off a 26-story building?

Somebody was just spotted coming out
of the service elevator.

We didn't have a man?

Because you asked everyone
to come up here.

- You know, because of Shawn.
- It doesn't matter. It's not him.

We just saw Despereaux
leap from this building!

- He was wearing a flying suit.
- We don't know that.


Look, I just want you to know
that I believe you.

Completely. Except for the jumping off
the building part.


We looked like idiots.

Gus, we have to regroup.
And we need to eat.

Shawn, this place seems a little...

- Exclusive?
- Dark.

Cozy. Romantic.

A little sexy.

First of all, you say those words
like they're bad things.

Secondly, do you know how hard it is
to get a reservation at this place?

You have to call,
like, a month in advance.

You invited me
on this trip on Friday.

- When did you call?
- It's irrelevant.

What matters...

Dude. Dude! There he is.

He's sitting right there.

What do we do? Do we call the cops?
What if he sees us?

- He sees us.
- How do you know?

- He's waving us over.
- My gosh, he is.

- We shouldn't go over there.
- Right, right.

We found you.
So... looks like we win.

I am neither known nor wanted
in this country.

At best, I'm a person of interest
in the places I do my work.

Such is the curse of my talent.

So since I have taken the time
to find you,

don't spoil it with rudeness.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

You know, I've...
I've enjoyed our sparring so far.

The look on your faces
when I jumped from that building was...


But I'd be remiss
if I didn't inform you that you're...

way out of your league.

The simple fact is,
you'll never catch me.

It's impossible.

Which makes
what should be an exciting life

somewhat pedestrian.

I'll tell you what.

To make this
more interesting for me,

I'm going to write down
everything that I'm going to do.

Sometime tomorrow,
I'm going to steal a Manet.

And then I'm going to make you
look foolish again.

And then the next day,
I'm going to treat myself like a king.

Here's what I'm going to do.

I'm gonna get some of that maple candy
that everybody seems to be raving about.

Then I'm going to purchase myself
a walking stick.

Preferably something with a ram's head
carved into the handle.

And finally, we're going to catch
ourselves an international art thief.

I'm not saying for sure
it's going to be you.

But... right now
you're at the top of the list.

Are you writing
on our cloth napkins?

It's not my fault. You guys should have
some sort of notepad system,

like next to pay phones,
they have a little... pad that you...

I just don't understand
why anyone would want to do that.

Unless you're animals, of course.


What is that?

You know what that is?

Where did he go?
He disappeared again?

I believe so.
Unless he's hiding under the table,

in which case this conversation
would be embarrassing.

No, I'm afraid we fell

for the flaming baked Alaska
diversion trick again.

So what are we supposed to do?

You gonna pretend like you got the info
about the Manet psychically?

Please, Gus.

That's cheap and easy.
Give me some credit.

We don't know why he just handed
this information over to us.

We'll do what any reasonable
detective would do.


I see a man...


I see the painter John...



Where in town might one find an...

- Edouard Manet.
- What he said.

Because I believe that Despereaux
is gonna try and steal one tonight.

How clear are you on this?

It's as if he wrote it on a piece
of paper and put it in my hand.

You sure this is the only Manet?

There's not a single one
at a gallery in town.

I took the initiative
of making a book

of all the things of value
that Despereaux might hit.

I even used my bind-it-all.
Not a manet on the list.

But then your girl detective there,

she did a little more digging
and found this.

This is
William Charles Pulver's boat.



- He's a billionaire.
- Millionaire.

Former billionaire, now millionaire,
living off of his yacht.

Has an extensive art collection.
He sailed into town yesterday.

He has a late-period Manet hanging
over the piano in his state room.

What exactly are you wearing?


You look like Julie Christie
in Doctor Zhivago.

I get cold, okay?

- I grew up in a subtropical climate.
- No, I didn't mean it...

I think it's, you know,
I mean... I think it looks nice.

What is the matter with you?
- I don't know.

We can still talk as friends.

- I know that.
- All right, I can't do this.

Spencer, you've got to find me
a weapon of some sort.

I don't care if it's a cane
with a blow dart in it.

- If this thing goes down...
- We're waiting for a single man

to enter an empty boat.

Which may require deadly force.

Shawn, I gotta pee.

- I told you to go back at the hotel.
- I couldn't. I got freaked out.

There were rose petals everywhere.
All over the toilet.

Why would they do that?
It's weird.

It's not weird.
It's wonderful.

- Did you see that?
- What?

I saw something.
It's a shadow.

It's a person.

- What is he doing out here?
- He's definitely packing heat.

- That makes one of you.
- Shut up, Guster.

- Let's all just think this through.
- There is a man

and a shadow on the dock.

- A man and a shadow down on the dock.
- Tell them not to approach.

Don't approach.

- Don't approach the man or the shadow.
- They're approaching!

False alarm.

It is a false alarm.
This is not our perp.

- Everybody back to...
- It's too late.

He took it already.

That's definitely not a Manet.

So he pretty much told us exactly
what he was going to steal,

where he was gonna steal it from,

when he was gonna be there,
we couldn't catch him.

I mean, how good is this guy, Gus?

Why are we on this carriage ride?

You don't find it oddly romantic?


No. Not at all.

What better way
for a couple best buddies

to take in the stars, some cool,
crisp Canadian air?

Maybe solve an art theft.

So just let me know when you want me
to head to the kissing bridge.

- Wait a minute.
- What?

Wait a...

Now it all makes sense.

This whole thing.
The rose petals on the bed.

The reservation at the bistro.
Now this carriage ride.

This whole trip.

It was all planned as a romantic week
for you and Abigail.

All right. I admit it.

The dates for her teacher's conference
changed quite unexpectedly.

That's why you asked me at the last
minute. I was an afterthought?

Don't get caught up
in the minutiae of trip planning.

That's it. You deceived me, Shawn.
I'm done with this. I'm finished.

We need to figure out
what his next move is.

Besides, you do not wanna
get out of this carriage.

It's freezing. It's dark out here.

And there are most likely
raccoons everywhere.

I'm staying here.
You are getting out.

My credit card paid for this ride,
and I'm taking it, just not with you.

But good luck
figuring out this case.

What are you...

Stop it!

At least leave me the blanket!

Hello, raccoons.
I know you're watching me.

I don't blame you. I'd be doing
the same thing if I was you.

I mean, who am I?

Some mysterious biped
infiltrating your natural habitat.

I know you don't mean to scare me
with your beady little yellow eyes

that glow like the devil.

Let's do a list... we'll do a list

of famous raccoons.

Meeko from Pocahontas.

Rocky Raccoon.

Judges, good reading on Rocky Ra...

Where do you think you're going?

To my room.

Okay, you little masked
night bandits.

I gotta go.

I think I know where Despereaux is.

But you're probably not interested.

Well, it's...

Maybe a couple of you are.

More so than...
More so than the others.

Hello, Bertrand.

- Yes, sir. How may I help you?
- I seem to have misplaced my card key.

I'd be happy to replace your key.
I just need your name.

Pierre Despereaux.

I'm sorry, there's no one
by that name registered here.

Despereaux always comes in
and out of town undetected

with an army of aliases,
usually of an artist.

Here's the thing.

I register under lots of different names
in order to protect my privacy,

so why don't we try "John Van Gogh".


Jacques Hockneystine?


I'm not sure what shenanigans

you're up to, but I don't like it,
I don't appreciate it.

It might've been Edgar Degas.

12th floor.

That name is here.

- Do you think I could...
- I'm so sorry about this.

My assistant makes all the reservations.
She's been under heavy medication.

She was recently diagnosed
with parvo.

Isn't that a dog's disease?

Yes. Yes it is.

My assistant is a golden retriever.
Adorable, but dim.

Her whole keyboard
is just three big buttons.

She has very large paws.
Should've fired her years ago,

but she's a rescue,
and I just didn't have the heart.

Gus, guess where I am right now?

I'm in Despereaux's room right now.

No, I'm not kidding. I'm gonna rifle
through all of this stuff,

and I'm totally gonna pull a J. Turturro
from Miller's crossing on him.

And then we'll get some sundaes.
I'm just gonna sit here quietly,

wait for him to get back,
and then I'm gonna click on the lamp.

Scare the gingersnaps out of him.

No, I don't remember
how that movie ends, why?

That's a "negativo"
on the sundaes, buddy.

I repeat, negative on the sundaes.

So. So... This is your room?

This is embarrassing, isn't it?
I mean,

it's a real rattlesnake
of a misunderstanding.

It's amazing how much
this place looks just like the room

that Gus and I have over at the...

Captain Vancouver do-right inn.


I never was a fan
of Miller's crossing.

Too much gore and violence.

I mean, don't get me wrong,
I appreciate a good murder.

But why does it have to be so messy?

Where's the elegance?

The grace?

People don't kill people
with panache anymore.

I wish I could stay and chat with you,
but I'm getting ready to press on.

There wouldn't happen to be
a Manet in that suitcase

by any chance, would there?

You know, you should keep
at this detective business.

You have the hair for it,
and that's half the battle.


You thought my Marco Ciccone
loafers were a gun?


This is my gun, you see?

A gentleman of leisure never packs
his weapon next to his socks.

It's uncouth.

What, you think
I'm going to kill you?

You're right.

Not yet, anyway.

I have to be pushed very hard
to get into that kind of business.

Number one, it's messy.
And I have to spend one more night here.

Number two,
you have nothing on me but your word.

Your very shaky, very suspect word.

Therefore, you pose absolutely
no threat to me whatsoever.

I do have to thank you, though.

You have been very useful for me.

My pleasure.

And now, if you don't mind...

I don't even know how to respond.

I'm both relieved
and offended at the same time.

But I know when I'm beat.

One more thing.

What day is today?


That's what I thought.

I don't want to hear it anymore.
I am telling you, he is done.

- He is heading for the border.
- Listen. It's not Molson time just yet.

- He's gonna steal one more thing.
- So what?

- I don't know.
- Where is it?

I don't have a completely clear picture
on that, but I am honing. I am a honer.

There is a small jet

waiting at a private airfield just
over the border in Blaine, Washington,

registered to one of his aliases.

Barry Picasso?

It's scheduled to take off in 4 hours.
We plan on being there.

Here's the thing.
I actually spoke with him last night.

What do you mean,
you spoke with him?

I had a... vision,
wherein we... we spoke.

See, he had a vision.

What exactly was he doing
in this vision?


- Of course, because he's leaving town!
- Wrong, because he wanted me

to think he was leaving town.
It was all a show for my benefit.

There is no way this guy would leave
town with out his dry cleaning,

and that does not get delivered
until Tuesday. Trust me,

he cares just as much about his pants
as he does about thievery.

So let me get this straight,
Despereaux comes to you in a vision

to fake doing something?

I do have to thank you, though.

You have been very useful for me.

I was a smokescreen.

He used me as a smokescreen.

I'm sorry, Shawn,
but this is a really good lead.

Wait, wait, guys!
Don't you at least want to hear my plan?

It could be good!
You don't know.


- I want to see your book.
- My book?

With things
that Despereaux might steal.

- Nobody ever wants to see my book.
- I do.

I want to see the book.
I'm also going to eat these waffles.

I gotta hand it to you, Mackintosh.

The binding on this thing
is impressive.

The presentation, I mean...
Just outstanding.

And then the next day
I'm going to treat myself like a king.

He told me everything.

That clever bastard.


What can you tell me about the buschlen
mowatt gallery in Yaletown?

I know quite a bit, actually.
What in particular?

The security system.

Government issue. I was on the team
that installed it and set it up.

That's fortuitous.
Can it be set down?

I have a shot at redemption for you.
For recognition.

But it's going to be dangerous.
And we're gonna need Gus. Are you in?

Wait before you answer that.
Are you a fan of solving crimes?

That's my man.

- That's him.
- That's who?

That's the gallery owner.
He's the last one out.

That means it's closed.
We can go inside.

- That's where the crown is.
- That was your plan?

- To steal the crown?
- No. Absolutely not.

Don't be ridiculous.

Possibly move the crown at best.

But the point is to get to it first,
before Despereaux.

Not only is this a felony
of international proportions,

but also, we are not art thieves.

What do you think this is for?

Big apple, come in.

Are we good to go?

Just about, Shawn.


See, Gus?

It's not really breaking in

if the actual cops help you break in,
am I right?

Do I need to explain the law to you?

You can try, but...

It's probably not gonna make much
of a difference.

So how do you plan on getting
through this obstacle?

Dude, I know you've seen Entrapment
at least 26 times.

You have to do this.

You're twice as limber
as C. Zeta-Jones.

- Not happening.
- We don't have a lot of options here.

It's not like we can turn back.

Look, it's three lasers.

Plus, they're canadian lasers.
I'm gonna guide you through this.

Usain Bolt.

- Gus to the world.
- That's what i'm talkin' about!

You got this.

That's it, buddy.

Now... now lower your right shoulder
just a little bit, like two inches.

Yeah, there you go.
That's your way in.

That's your gateway.
Arch your back.


Watch your feet, watch your feet.
Okay, you're good.

Okay, all right.
This one's a little trickier.

Knee to chest.
Knee to chest!

Now pivot about 30 degrees
to your left.

Dude, that's your safe haven.

Right hand green!
Right hand green!

That's twister, Shawn.

How come we don't play that anymore?

Get your butt higher!
Arch your back!

Spread your cheeks if you can.

Scratch that.

Abort cheek spreading.

Pivot your body about 30 degrees.

Left, to the left. You got it.

But... what?

- What are you doing?
- I had Mackintosh disarm the lasers.

But I wanted to see
how you would do it.

Now we know for the future that if
we ever encounter this exact scenario,

you are the man for the job.


There it is.

Where's the crown?

It's in that metal box.
It closes when the gallery does.

Don't worry,
Mackintosh disarmed this too.

This, my friend, is the easy part.

You said this was the easy part.

It's supposed to be the easy part!

Don't I get any credit for planning
this whole thing in less than two hours?

No, you don't! The cops
are gonna be here any second now.

They will not.

Man, stop playing.
There's nobody behind me.

- Shut up, Shawn.
- I'm not turning around.



They arrested you too?

I posted your bail.
It was more than I expected.

You owe me the difference
plus the exchange rate.

Do you realize they charged me
nine bucks for a nusmagazine?

- And me?
- You didn't bail out Gus?

I gotta bail both of you out?
And your dad?

Shawn used my one call
to vote for American Idol.

You didn't say anything about Gus.
I thought he had his own cash.

- Don't you have a credit card?
- My CB is maxed out.

Dad, believe me, I've spoken to him
about not overextending himself.

- Do you really think this is fun?
- Stanley park was nice.

- You can't leave this country.
- Dad, do you understand?

We had him. But...

But what?

- He was too good.
- Too good?

- What'd I raise you to do?
- It was literally the perfect crime.

The perfect crime? There is
no such thing as a perfect crime.

Well then, it was as close
as you can possibly get.

The only way it's close is if you make
it look like the perfect crime.

Now, I'm gonna see
if I can put Gus on my credit card.

In the meantime, I got a 4:00
salmon boat, and if I Miss that,

this trip is a complete waste.

Big apple. What is this?
What happened?

- Fired.
- Why?


Because of what happened down
at the museum.

Man, I'm so sorry.

- This is partially my fault.
- Partially? It was your idea.

It probably would've just been
a suspension,

but then the crown
ended up going missing...

- Say what?
- You know?

It was gone.

- When they opened the case.
- That's impossible.

No, when they opened the metal
display case, the crown was missing.

Where's the crown?

It's in that metal box.
It closes when the gallery does.

Dude, we watched the museum close.

We watched the thing close.
We never left the building.

The only way
he could've taken it is if...


Is if he had had it all along.

I sold that painting two weeks ago.

- He's a billionaire.
- Millionaire.

Okay, former billionaire,
now millionaire, living off his yacht.

I know why Despereaux
never gets caught!

Because he doesn't steal anything!

- We gotta hurry.
- That's my helmet.

You have an impressive
learning curve.

Thank you.

I also play the mandocello.

Not well.

But who else do you know
who plays the mandocello?

- I'm no longer amused.
- You almost had me.

The yacht and the high rise
were just flawless.

But you left me too much time
when you stole the crown.

And I covered all my bases.

Which means you didn't have time
to steal the crown.

But then,

you didn't have to,
because the owner just handed it to you.

- I knew you were worthy.
- Worthy.

And very disappointed.

Really? I've been hiding back here
for ten minutes.

I thought you were gonna give
your speech from inside the plane.

- I'm seriously cramped back here.
- I'm about to drop the hammer on him.

Just flag down the stewardess.
Order a mojito.

Just call me when you're done.

Man, I thought you were so cool.
But you're just here to look the part.

This whole time, I'm thinking,
"this guy is Thomas Crown."

You're barely Remington Steele.
Which makes me, what, Laura Holt?

You think a guy like me wants
to be Stephanie Zimbalist?


The items were handed to you
one by one.

- That's him.
- That's who?

That's the gallery owner.
He's the last one out.

The gallery owner had the crown
when he left the gallery.

He was having money troubles.

As did the rest of your victims.

And you...
You're just the middleman.

You made it look like the items
were being stolen.

Hence your calling card.

And always in a series, right?

So it wouldn't call suspicion
to an owner in financial peril

who suddenly gets his Manet stolen?

Insurance fraud.


That is so lame.

- Do you even have a pilot's license?
- I do.

But now I feel as though
I have to hurt you,

which saddens me.

I thought
you were a master criminal.

The genius of my plan
is in its simplicity.

Perhaps it's not as sexy
as you believed.

But don't forget,

I got away with it.

No, you didn't.

Bet you're not too happy to see me
right about now, are you?

I have absolutely no idea
who you are.


Thank you.

Your boss is really good.

We do not work for him.

It just seems that way sometimes.

I've often fantasized
about escaping from prison, you know.

Don't you think it's odd
that you're in a relationship now,

yet you invite me to maybe
the most romantic place on earth?

Jules, listen.
I made these plans weeks ago.

And Gus refused
to come on account he's a man.

And I'm a man.
Or some nonsense like that.

Look, I have a point. It's this.

I refuse to feel uncomfortable
around you.

It's silly.
You mean too much to me.

And I am perfectly capable of keeping
this platonic as long as you are.

- Please. I can.
- Well, I can too.


But how?

So at least show me what you had
planned for this perfect date.

Okay, but promise not to laugh.

You hired this guy?

Technically, Gus did.

Would've lost our deposit.

He was supposed to be more discreet.

This is overkill, huh?

Not if you're six.

A mime, though?
Really, Shawn?

I don't know, you don't really
strike me as a mime guy.

The mime had nothing to do with me.

This mime is clearly working
on his own.

- You seen enough?
- More than.

- So abigail's into opera, huh?
- No, not really.

Just robust italian men.

I didn't even know he sang,

- Look at that bridge.
- Yeah, it's beautiful.

Little-known fact:

- that bridge was built by wolves.
- Really?