Project Mc² (2015–2017): Season 4, Episode 1 - A Royal Pain - full transcript

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[theme song playing]

-[cell phone beeps]
-Still no service.

You okay?

Estoy bien. But where are we?

I've been counting in my head.
We've been on the road over four hours.

The sun has come up
and is warming this side of the van.

So we must be heading north.

Not long ago, I noticed we went
from a paved road to a dirt road.

Yeah, my backside noticed the same thing.

I think we're
in the Golden River National Park. [gasps]

And if y'all haven't seen
the groves of yellow cedar trees,



also known as Chamaecyparis nootkatensis,

do yourselves a favor and check 'em out.
It's a real treat.

You know, if we survive this.

Whoever's behind this knows who we are.

Kragen Vexx must have had a backup plan
if he was captured.

He could try to use us as bargaining chips
to negotiate his release.

Diabolical and totally organized.

Gotta respect the genius in evil genius.

We've been in danger before

and we've always relied on our smarts
to save us. We can do this.

If I had the right tool,

we might be able to unscrew the paneling
and get the door lock.

Anyone have a hairpin?

Look, Devon,
I'm sorry we got you into this mess.



You never should have been here.

If Cam can get the door open,
the next time we slow down,

I want you to jump out first.
Make a run for it.

-Whatever's out there, we'll deal with it.
-What?

There's no reason for you
to be involved any further.

Okay, stop.
Look... last night, I got involved.

By choice.

And no matter what happens,
I'm a part of this now.

Not exactly sure what it is I'm a part of,
but I'm not going anywhere.

Are you sure?

You guys can't get rid of me that easy.

[brakes screeching]

It's okay. It's okay.

You knew we were never in danger,
didn't you?

Sorry.

-I was just following orders.
-Whose orders?

'Cause I plan on kicking their...

I'll be happy to explain.

We should probably hear her out.

Welcome, agents.
Miss DeMarco, I'm the Quail.

The Quail?

-Okay, am I being punked?
-[chuckles]

I assure you,
the Quail does not do "punked."

The girls who surround you
are all part of NOV-Eight,

an elite international organization
of female operatives

from all around the world.

We also make it a point to be aware
of exceptionally intelligent females...

like yourself.

I've had my eye on you
for a while now, Miss DeMarco.

And I've been impressed with
how you've used your artistic abilities...

rather resourcefully.

This morning, in a final test,
you demonstrated your loyalty.

And now we'd like you to join us.

Really? I... I mean, really?

Yeah, I mean, I didn't have
any big plans this summer vacay.

[all chuckle]

Why do I feel there's another reason
you've brought us here?

It's those instincts that make you
a good agent, Agent McAlister.

Now, if you'll follow
the path on your left...

you'll get your answer.

[Adri] Dónde estamos?

Welcome to NOV-Eight.

[birds chirping]

[girls murmuring]

[Bry] This is hashtag, amazeblogs!

[Ember] My goodness!

[Cam] Whoa!

[Bry] This is so beautiful.

Wow.

This is so cool.

[camera shutter clicks]

T.I.L.T.Y.B.R.O.M.A.

This is like the Yellow Brick Road,
only more amazeblogs! [chuckles]

As long as our van
didn't run over a wicked witch,

it's all bueno.

It's the perfect ecosystem
with amazing biodiversity.

There's epiphytes and euphorbia.

And eucalypti!

Oh, this is a dream.

Nice.

A.D.I.S.N.?

[A.D.I.S.N.] It's like heaven. [gasps]
Wait, have I been recycled?

[camera shutter clicks]

[the Quail] Welcome, agents...

to the Birding Ceremony...

for Agent Maddy McAlister.

[all giggling]

Please step forward.

Today, our NOV-Eight sisterhood honors you
from all over the world.

Agent McAlister,
you are being given this coveted award

not only for the enormous heroism
and sacrifice you showed

going deep undercover and risking
your life to bring down Kragen Vexx,

but for how you encompass all that
the women of this organization represent.

Intelligence, poise and strength.

From this day forward,
you will be known as the Nighthawk.

-[McKeyla gasps]
-[all chuckle]

Who among you would stand beside
the Nighthawk as her witness?

Congratulations.

[all chuckling]

Agent McKeyla McAlister...

will you please step forward?

Agent McAlister,
you are being given this coveted award

not only for your unwavering devotion to,
and faith in,

your sister and fellow agent...

and for risking your life to save hers...

but for your wisdom and leadership.

You really do define
"Smart is the new cool."

From this day forward,
you will be known as the Owl.

[Adri] Yes!

Who among you will stand
beside the Owl as her witness?

[all chuckle]

Congratulations.

I am so proud of you.

[all chuckle]

[A.D.I.S.N.] If I had arms,
I'd hug you, too, M.

[all laugh]

♪ Go us! Go us! Go us! ♪

♪ Go us! Go us! ♪

"Going on an interview.
I'll text you later. Smiley face, Kyle."

What does that even mean?

I think it means
he's going on an interview

and he'll text you later.

M, he sent you a smiley face.

Don't overthink it.

Yeah, well, maybe it's guy code for

"I have another date.
Thanks for leaving me at the gala."

And she's overthinking it.

Guys, I believe the Owl has fallen
from her nest and hit her head.

[whistles] Nice techware.

This girl gang's more fierce
than I imagined.

Ladies, I have your new assignment.

Whoa.

You'll be working with an old friend.

Someone from the past, who,

despite the denials,
knows you're secret agents.

-Prince Xander!
-What's up, Your... Royal Highness?

All right, who missed me most?

Whoa! Y'all know a prince?

Closest I ever got to royalty

was a dog we had on the farm
named Duke. [scoffs]

Hey, I can see you're multiplying.

Prince Xander, Agent Evergreen
and Agent-in-Training DeMarco.

To what do we owe this honor?

My father, the great king of Norland,
is retiring.

As his eldest son,
I am to be crowned king.

Totally awesome, right?

-What present do we send to a king?
-Socks?

[chuckles]

While I'm thrilled by your support,
not everybody is so jazzed.

Some in Great Norland,
including some in the government,

think I'm a childish party boy
and not responsible enough to be king.

Why ever would they say that?

[chuckles] They want the crown to skip me
and go to my younger brother, Wendell.

But lucky for me, Wendell's got my back.

[reporter] What do you think of
your brother becoming king?

I fully support my brother's path
to the throne.

He's changed, grown up.

He's the man to guide us
into the 21st century

while I'm off
on military training overseas.

How's that for brotherly love?

-Can I get a woot woot for Wendell?
-[A.D.I.S.N.] Woot! Woot!

He's right. I have grown up
since you last saved me.

After inspiring me to read a book,
I even read another one.

Wow, two books. Very impressive.

Yeah, I know, right?

This one is all about solar energy.
You know, from the sun?

Anyway, the Quail has brought you a box.

It's sitting before you.
Take a look.

It's a prototype solar backpack.

Part of a complete line
of wearable solar tech.

As king, I want to make
Great Norland green again

by ushering in an era of efficient energy.

That backpack's
been soaking up rays all day.

Plug it into A.D.I.S.N.
and see what it does.

[buzzes] Whoa! I'm powering up! Whee!

I've read about these new
flexible organic solar cells.

They're made from polymers
that make them more efficient.

Meaning, with the same amount of sun,
they can convert more energy.

My country only gets 1,500 hours
of sunlight a year.

But, through a volunteer program,

Great Norlanders can upload energy
to a shared power grid

and reduce our need
during the dark winter months.

Wearable, renewable energy?
Hashtag, nailed it.

Wow, he really has changed.

And now, for the best part.

This technology is manufactured
in Maywood Glen,

where I'll be giving a live presentation
at Maywood Glen Technology

before signing a government contract.

Everything must go perfectly.
That's where you come in.

If some Great Norlanders
don't want you to be king...

Including some inside the government...

You're worried about your plan
being sabotaged.

Which is why I only trust the smart women
of NOV-Eight to have my back.

See you soon.

The prince's itinerary has been uploaded
to A.D.I.S.N.

[beeping]

McKeyla, you'll lead the team
of Bryden, Camryn and Adrienne.

Meanwhile, Ember will acclimate
new recruit Devon to NOV-Eight.

Wait. Me?

I get to teach her
all the rules and regulations?

This'll be so fun, partner.

Let's do it, Agent Sunshine.

While I appreciate the sarcasm,
let's ease up on the sass.

Easing up.

[sighs] McKeyla and Xander are already
17 minutes and 34 seconds late.

Could you be more precise?

Well, in nanoseconds, they're...

-[crowd clamoring]
-[camera shutters clicking]

Dios mío!

You were attacked!
The sabotage is happening already?

He really is a blue blood.

Not sabotage, more like ambushed.

Xander demanded we go
to the new paintball park on the way here.

First official post of my Instagram
silliest selfie contest.

The winner gets a free trip
to Great Norland!

S.S.D.S.S.K.T.M.

Silliest selfies
don't seem super kingly to me, either.

I don't get it.
Xander claimed he's grown up,

but now he's blowing off work
for paintball and...

signing a fan's forehead?

He said he's changed, but...

looks like the same old prince
got off that plane.

Even worse.

I know what will make him focus.

My molecular spaghetti. [clicks tongue]

-Surprise.
-Uh, what's this?

I didn't order this,
and now I order it gone.

It's molecular spaghetti.

You seemed so intrigued by my culinary
chemistry last time, I thought...

Oh, uh, yes, righto. Uh...

Cheers.

[scoffs]

So now that Mr. Fancy Pantalones
is about to become king,

-he's too good for my cuisine?
-[groans]

[scoffs]

Maybe it's worse.
Maybe he's cracking under the pressure.

[scoffs]

So, uh, Prince Xander, how're you feeling?

-Anxious? Dizzy?
-[camera shutter clicks]

No. Never better.

[sighs] Good, 'cause you're scheduled
to rehearse for that presentation, and...

[mimics snoring]

To quote Shakespeare,
"To thine own self be true."

And this party boy wants to have fun!
I'll catch you later, all right?

-Who wants to play mini-golf?
-[crowd clamoring]

Cool body art.

Not just body art,
Agent-in-Training DeMarco.

Embedded in the art is a secret tracker,

another eyes-only item
in your NOV-Eight-issued gear.

Others include
invisible ink sidewalk chalk,

glitter spray disguising a freezing agent,

and a single-action airbrush that can
lay down a pretty dense smoke screen.

Impressive.

But when do I get to hit the streets?
You know, kick some butt?

[chuckles] Patience, grasshopper.

First, you must kick butt up here.

Call it a hunch, or a gut feeling, but...

something is seriously wrong
with the prince.

A.D.I.S.N., pull up the prince's file.

[A.D.I.S.N.]
This solar panel is incredible.

I feel ten gigabytes younger.

It says Xander has bad allergies.

Maybe he's on medication?

Whenever I take that nighttime
cold and cough stuff, I wake up cranky.

I've seen it. It's scary.

The file also says Xander has a cat,
Simba.

Perhaps the prince has toxoplasmosis?

A brain parasite from cats that can cause
changes in mood and personality?

Sí. "Crazy cat lady syndrome."

My abuela's cousin had 19 cats.

She threw two of the young females
a fiesta de debutantes.

Maybe he's being poisoned.

Happens all the time to princesses
in fairy tale movies,

so why not the prince?

He did say some people in Great Norland
want him to fail.

Hey, what if he's a clone, and there are
thousands of other Xanders out there,

taking over the world as we speak?

Sorry, we just watched
Rise of the Clone Zombies on TV.

Awesome, but maybe not relevant here.

Well, whatever is going on
with the prince,

we have one way to find out.

-I don't get it. Spaghetti?
-You're going to stab him?

[gasps and snaps fingers] Science.

[line ringing]

[sighs] He's still not answering.

Last I heard,
the prince was out playing mini-golf.

Hello, all. Awfully sorry I'm late.

Oh, wait, no, I'm not.

Prince Xander, very nice to meet you all.

Kyle?

I've been trying to reach you.
What are you doing here?

I... mentioned that I had an interview.

I was accepted here for an internship.

Oh, right. The interview.

Of course, uh,
[chuckles] that was a real thing?

[chuckling] Yeah.

I was gonna tell you about it
the night of the gala,

but you have a habit of... disappearing.

Yeah. [chuckles]
Uh, about that, I'm really sorry.

-I promise you'll have my full attention...
-Hello. I'm Xander.

[stutters] Your Highness.
Uh, I'm Kyle.

I'm gonna be assisting you
with the solar presentation.

Oh, jolly-o, yes. Nice to meet you.
Uh, do you putter?

Uh, I... [stutters]
well, I don't really...

Ah, no worries, I've lots more in the car.
And dozens of colorful balls.

McKeyla, join me for dinner tonight.

There's this great new sushi restaurant.
I love the little fishes.

And remember, you can't refuse me
because I'm a prince.

So... dinner with the prince?

Are you guys...
you guys like friends or...

Oh, no, we're not friends.

Oh, I mean, we are friends,
but... it's complicated.

You don't have to explain.
Uh...

[inhales] I'll see you later.

Sure.

[microscope whirring]

[door opens]

So, all of Xander's lab tests came back
negative this morning?

No poison. No allergy medicines.
No toxoplasmosis.

Nada.
I even tried Cam's loco clone theory

and ran a match on the DNA
off the prince's fork.

-And?
-The sample I had was seriously degraded,

so I could only perform
one polymerase chain reaction test.

A PCR test amplifies
a piece of DNA multiple times

so even a single cell
can be analyzed for a match.

And from what I can see...

he's 100% House of Norland.

Xander's royal lineage.
So why is he being a royal pain?

-It doesn't make any sense.
-I have more bad news.

Appears the prince dragged McKeyla
to a water park.

[scoffs] It's all over social media.

What? The presentation's in an hour.

It's like he's trying
to sabotage this trip.

McKeyla, be a love and lend me your phone.

I need to call the king and seem to have
lost mine riding Splash Canyon.

Thank you.

Kyle.

You get to demonstrate the backpack.
That is so cool.

Thanks, McKeyla.

So, you're... you're here
with Prince Xander again.

Oh, no, like I told you yesterday,
we're just friends.

Hey, I get it.

Meaning, he's a prince and I'm just a...

A simple commoner.

McKeyla is busy today.
Don't distract her.

Your Highness, we were talking.

McKeyla.

The sooner a chap like Kyle
accepts his station in life,

the better off he'll be.

Look, Prince Xander... [stutters]

Your Highness, a word.
In private.

Ooh.

[whispering] I'm sorry.

-[speaking Spanish]
-Have you heard from McKeyla?

She said she'd text
when she got to the presentation.

Now, she won't answer.

-I got bupkis.
-Something's wrong.

Agent DeMarco, are we bothering you?

Oh, sorry.
Uh, doodling helps me think.

Cool NOV-Eight sketch pad, huh?

Okay, T.I.B.A.A.C.A.T.S.T.

That is both amazing and creepy
at the same time.

I like to accentuate the eyes.
They're the windows of the soul.

Poetic, but it also gives me an idea.

So there's, like,
100 pics on Prince Xander's Insta feed

from his silliest selfies contest.

Zooming in to his eye...

Now, I'll compare a still from Xander's
first transmission with us.

Zooming in.

Running an online iris-scanning program.

Now scanning each eye
for its unique characteristics.

-Like fingerprints.
-Or a custom-made couture gown.

No two irises are the same.

[beeping]

Neither are these.

These irises are
from two different people.

Xander's not a clone, but a double.

They could try and sabotage
the presentation.

McKeyla could be in danger.

We need to get to Maywood Glen Tech,
like, ten minutes ago.

Don't worry, Agent DeMarco.
I've got your back.

Thanks.
I feel better already.

Look, Prince Xander,
I'm sorry for being blunt,

but you cannot talk
to my friend Kyle that way.

It's rude and I'd like you to apologize.

-Would you?
-You said you've changed.

Well, you have.
But not for the better.

Maybe your people are right.
You're not ready to lead them.

You know, I can see why
Xander liked having you around.

Why "Xander" wanted me around?

That's it. You're not the prince, are you?

-[door opens]
-[muffled grunting]

Wait. What the...

-Ow!
-[handcuffs locking]

What is going on? Who are you?

I knew it.

I mean, I didn't know it was Wendell,
but... I knew the prince wasn't himself.

Do you like it?

It's the latest
in hyper-realistic latex masks.

Rather remarkable, don't you think?

But why?
You said you didn't even wanna be king!

Oh, please. You bought that?
Who wouldn't want to be king?

Like my moronic brother deserves it?

I'm tired of living in
his party boy shadow.

He's not worthy of being king. But I am.

[muffled grunting]

[chuckles] Darling Xander,
that's how tape works.

You're not supposed to be able to talk.

With the help of Jennings here,
I've held Xander hostage

while I've masqueraded around town,
ruining his image.

Now I'm going to light up
today's presentation.

When the backpack
plugs into the power station,

I've rigged it to backfire,
frying both it and whoever wears it.

Kyle.

Yes, yes, your simple commoner
will now be a simple ball of flame.

The handcuffs have a timed release.

[handcuffs beep]

I will exit stage left,
while the prince shows up

and is conveniently blamed for everything.

I'll never let you hurt Kyle.

That is what's so fun.

I didn't hurt Kyle. The prince did.

And maybe if he's lucky,
I'll give him a royal pardon...

when I'm crowned king.

Oh, and, uh...
you might need this for later.

And, yes, I borrowed it
so you can't call for help.

I am a clever one, aren't I?

[muffled grunting]

Ow!

-[crowd applauding]
-[camera shutters clicking]

Yo, peeps. Yes, it's me.

Who knew the sun would be good
for anything except for getting a tan?

So, now...

let me explain...
how this solar energy thingy works.

Basically, when the panels
are exposed to sunlight...

-No McKeyla in sight.
-We have to stop this.

How do we know that's not the real prince?

We've got to find McKeyla.

Uh, not the greatest time
for a silly selfie.

Wait for it.

I have a way to find McKeyla.

If her phone is still on,
I can pull off trilateration,

timing its location
from multiple satellites.

But isn't that how
the Find Your Phone app works?

Yeah, but not as awesome.

-And... got her.
-[cell phone chimes]

So you have a backpack...
and you have a cord...

Plug the cord into the box from the sun...

-You found us!
-Jolly good job, girls.

-The other prince is an imposter.
-[girls] We know.

The handcuffs are on a timer.

Wendell said
he tampered with the backpack.

He's gonna fry Kyle.

He may have rigged the backpack
to short-circuit.

If the wires were crossed,

when Kyle plugs in that backpack
into the power station,

it's going to spark.
Big time!

[electricity crackling]

-We can't let that happen!
-We have to stop my brother!

I'll run a series of digital code locks.

Or we could use
my NOV-Eight-issued freeze paint.

-Loaded with pentafluoroethane.
-Approved!

[hissing]

Hi-yah!

That's right. I am a force of nature.

Great! Now, I'm gonna go after Kyle.

Bry, Adri, Cam,

see if there is some way to turn off
the power in this building.

You two, break him free.

-Nice work, partner.
-[spray can hissing]

-Hi-yah!
-[handcuffs clatter]

-[camera shutters clicking]
-And now, for our show-stopping finale...

intern Kyle here
will be kind enough to show us

how to offload the backpack's energy
into the home power station.

[camera shutters clicking]

Kyle, no!

-[crowd murmuring]
-McKeyla?

-McKeyla!
-[crowd gasps]

Stop! He's not the prince. I am.

Arrest this man. I'm the prince.

Don't listen to him.
He's trying to sabotage the presentation.

-He's an imposter!
-No, he's an imposter!

Uh... hello?

[Adri blows]

[sneezing]

Not only does my NOV-Eight-issued compact
hold a sneezing agent

containing red pepper chili powder,

but also has 11 shades
for the perfect... finish.

I gotta go.

Of course you do.

No. Uh-uh. This time, I'm going after her.

Aw!

Okay, that's something
you don't see every day.

No, you don't.

It's over, Wendell. You're cornered.

Which muchacho is Wendell?

Enough!
Look, I don't know what's going on here,

and... and frankly, uh, I don't care.

It doesn't matter.

-Kyle, you shouldn't be here.
-No, no. Let me finish.

The thing is, I like McKeyla.

And maybe...
maybe I am just a simple commoner...

but all I want,

all that I have ever wanted,

is for McKeyla
to go out on a date with me.

[all] Aw!

Really?

If you'd stay put long enough,
I would have asked you out already.

-And I would've said yes.
-[chuckles]

I just have to do one thing first.

What?
How did you know?

[McKeyla] It was the "aw."

The Xander I know has a heart...

that you couldn't fake.

No! You people don't understand.
I'm supposed to be king.

Xander's never done anything
to deserve the crown.

Which is something
I plan on fixing right now...

by ushering in an era
of renewable technology

for all citizens of Great Norland,

saving our country's resources

and making everyone's lives healthier
and more productive.

Thank you, Kyle.

-[device beeping]
-[crowd applauding]

Nice work, you two.

Fortunately,
Maywood Glen's tech supply room

had all the tools we needed.

This multimeter measured
the electrical current,

locating the shorted-out transistor.

Then, replace it with a new one.
Easy-peasy.

Look how much energy
we've stored already.

Enough to throw one off-the-hook party,
wouldn't you say?

Smart is the new rule.

[all cheering]

Yes!

[upbeat music playing]

[A.D.I.S.N.] Whoo! [hiccups]

That's enough solar juice for you.

Really, I can't thank you girls enough.
The event was a huge success.

-[chuckling]
-Molecular spaghetti is served.

What?
This day could not get any better.

-[chuckling]
-[Adri sighs]

I like this prince so much better.

So, does this count as our date?

No, I wanna take you some place special.

Meaning,
a place where it's just the two of us.

Maybe, uh, for Valentine's Day?

It's a date.

[Adri] Let's dance.

[McKeyla] Come on!

[all laughing]

♪ Go us! Go us! Go us! ♪

[upbeat song playing]