Preacher (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 8 - Fear of the Lord - full transcript

Heaven is empty,
God is gone.

We want you
to take His place.

As long as I got a badge
in my wallet,

there isn't gonna be
any damn apocalypse.

This is God's chosen one?

Why, I could never let you take him.

He must have some bigger plan.

God's going to replace us.

Well, you're right about that.
Unless...

I think
it's ready,

but there's only one way
to find out.



Shh, shh, shh.

A bit more.

My God.
It works perfectly.

I'll never doubt you again,
my brother.

Mm.

♪ ...he truly feels ♪

♪ Und not the words ♪

♪ Of one who kneels ♪

♪ Ze record shows ♪

♪ I took the blows ♪

♪ Und did it ♪

♪ Me-e-in way ♪

- Wunderbar!
- Wunderbar!

Und now, ladies unt gentlemen,



your next
Little Mister Dusseldorf...

for ze fourth year in a row,

Klaus Starr!

Thank you.

Thank you.
Thanks so much.

I'll alvays be happy.

Congratulations, Dieter...

Mr. Congeniality,
three years straight.

Congratulations...
everyone.

Get him.

You're ze star,
aren't you, Klaus?

I wonder what kind of star
you would be

vithout your looks?

My beauty!

My eye!

We're okay.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Oh, don't be. No.
You just had a bad dream.

- It's perfectly normal during this procedure.
- Wub.

My...

genitals.

- We saved what we could...
- Mm.

which turned out
to be nothing.

- Wub.
- Yes, no doubt it is a fine spigot,

but that's
cold comfort to him.

Well, you saved my life
at least.

What, may I ask,

are your names?

Well, I'm Karl Chunt,

and these are my brothers,
Ernie and Cyrus.

Wub.

Wub.

Let's get some food
in you.

Ah, there.

Little comfort food, eh?

Put some meat back
on those bones.

Mm.

Mm.

That's good.

Ernie made it.

Mm. Mm.

I'm sorry.

It's been so long since
someone's showed me kindness.

I've had so much...

taken from me.

People are cruel.

Mm.

You...

You're eating me!

Oh! Well, we all are.

You're the guest.
You got first bowl.

Idiots!
Do you have any idea?

I am the most powerful man
in the w...

Stop that!

Not another bite!

Listen to me,
you knit-browed monkey dullards,

my location has been broadcast
via subdural transponder.

I would think twice

before you choose
how to proceed.

At this precise moment,

the world's
most lethal operatives

are converging on this very spot
to rescue me and to kill you!

- Wub?
- Shut up!

Oh!

You've got your blood pressure
up, don't you?

You know what
that means, Ernie.

Yeah, It's time for your favorite!

It's thigh time.

Thigh!

Sir, I'm here to...

Ugh.

After all He's done,

knowing what
He "plans to do,"

you're really gonna stick
with God, like a child?

I gave you my answer.

Yeah, well,
it's a shit one.

Then I guess it's back
to watching my dad

get killed
over and over.

I'll let you in on something,
Fiore.

I've had that playing in my head
since I was 10 years old.

Your little filmstrip ain't
gonna change shit.

Let me let you in on something,
Preacher.

The filmstrip part of things
is over.

It's a bit wrathful-lookin',
isn't it?

Old Testament-like.

Yeah?

Well, let's find out.

Aaah!
Aaaaah!

Alright, well,
come on, just do it.

No.

He killed Jesse
in front of us...

I'm doing this
in front of Him.

We are in front of him!
He's God.

He can see us on
the bloody toilet, can't he?

I want to see Him
seeing it.

Come out and face us,
you sack a shit!

Huh.

He'll make His move.

We're gonna stay right here
until He does.

Ohh.

Alright.

Well, then...

Let's find a place

for our little family.

Who have we got here?
We got Daddy pine cone.

Alright.

We've got Mommy pine cone
there.

Oh!

And who is this
little bastard here?

Who's that?

- Humperdoo pine cone!
- Okay, over here.

They new batteries?

Yeah. I switched 'em out
this morning.

These, too.

Got plenty of spares.

Come on, turn around.

Now...

let's go
to the moon.

Ohh!

God's here.

You got to go.
You got to go to the moon.

Oh, to the moon!

To the "moom"!

One Mississippi,
two Mississippi,

three Mississippi,
four Mississippi,

five Mississippi,
six Mississippi,

seven Mississippi,
eight, nine,

and...

boom.

To the moom!

Aw. He cracks me up.

Do you know what I'm saying?
I mean...

there's something about him,
right?

Aw, he's adorable.

And he's the only thing

that of shit God
cares about,

so when the time comes...

Yeah. Well, you're right.

Gloves are off.

Just don't forget
why we're here.

Okay?

You'll do great!

Mm.

It feels wrong.

Nein, nein.

Fear und doubt,
you cannot let them

cloud your judgment
or your will to act.

No, it's just, uh...

I'm overstepping.

Listen to me, Jesus.

And I speak
from experience.

There comes
a time in life

- where you simply has to do ze right thing.
- Right.

I'm worried that... that
we're doing the wrong thing.

Nein.

Nein!

We cannot,
and we will not!

- Hmm.
- I know. That's what I'm saying.

I know.

What?

Oh, don't worry.
We are exactly on ze same page.

My condolences,
Allfather,

for ze passing
of the Christ child.

Suicide.

So tragic.

And yet they say depression is
a sign of genius...

Cut the bullshit, Hitler.

We all know
he didn't kill himself.

And we all know he was just
a clone of the real Humperdoo,

whom we still cannot find.

In other words,
we know we failed.

It's over...

no Messiah, no dance,

no apocalypse.

On ze other hand...

there is something else
we know.

We have Jesus...
of Nazareth...

the original,
accept-no-substitutions Messiah.

You speak of clones.

What is this missing
Christ child

but a clone of
our Freund here?

Him.

We wouldn't be in this mess

if he hadn't been caught
whoring around.

One time, okay?

And it was
2,000 years ago.

And she wasn't a whore.

Let us show you
something.

It's not necessary...

Enough!

It's not up to me.

So, save your ghetto gyrations

for someone whose dick doesn't
require constant descaling.

Humperdoo is the Chosen One,

and he is the one
that your Father wants.

Not you...

not ever.

"Hump"!

Humperdoo!

Hump!

Bollocks.
Hump!

How the hell'd he
get away, Cass?

Because I needed to pee,
alright?

Look, I don't like doing it
in front of him.

- He thinks I'm trying to play.
- Well, you should've switched with me.

Look, I...

Look at that!

Can you believe that?

Humperd...
Humperdoo.

Hump!

- Humperdoo.
- Huh?

Come here.

- Over here.
- Oh!

- Oh, uh...
- I know!

Uh...

Holy shit!

Dude,
that was biblical!

Dog.

Yeah, sure it was a dog.

Listen, we're gonna have
to check you for ticks now.

- Aw!
- "Aw"! For real, for real, man.

- Wha?
- Messing with wild deer.

Unbelievable, dude!

Ha.

That was biblical, man.

God damn it.

We've been looking
all over the place for you.

Let's go inside
and think.

Ugh.

Oh, Klaus.

I thought you wanted
to be beautiful again.

I do.

But I can't
find the Child.

I've tried everything.

I just don't know
where he is.

That's because...

...you never asked.

Bring him home,

and you'll get
your looks back.

Thanks.

What do you think now?

About what?

God.

You still got questions
for Him?

You ever hear that story
about the drunk general

who got caught reading
his map sideways?

It was back in the war...

middle of a big battle.

Colonel rides up on his horse
and says to the General,

"What do we do?"

Our General says,

"We're gonna march
right up that hill."

The Colonel sees
the sideways map

in the General's hand but...

he follows orders just
like everybody else,

so he sends his men
up that hill

into a slaughter.

You could hear them boys
laid up on that hill,

screaming into the night,
all the next day...

....whole hill...

screaming and...

dying...

all because the Colonel
followed his orders.

You were the Colonel.

I was the General.

I never heard you
talk that much.

Thought you were doomed
to walk the Earth?

Where did you
get that horse?

No.

You hear that, Preacher?

That's what's coming,
'cause of you.

You better sit
on that throne...

Preacher!

Sorry.

But there's only one way
out of here.

Oh.

This is just a test.

Yeah, it's a test...
of your stupidity.

God's plan is real, okay?

We're not...
We're not muckin' about.

We think we put ants
up your bottom for fun?

He's testing my faith.

This can't
be His plan.

There has to be
something more.

Of course there's more.
There's always more.

There's... There's...
There's whips

and saws and chains

and molten magma smeared
over your buttocks

like butter

on a cream cracker.

A what?

It's a biscuit.
It's a... It's a square...

Look, that doesn't
matter!

Jesus, Fiore.

Those speedballs
have turned you into a dick.

Do what you have to do.

I like biscuits.

Just put him
on the throne.

It's not that kind
of biscuit.

Jesse...

live!

They're just sitting down
to eat.

Ohh.

Ohh!

Alright.

- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah!

- Yeah?
- Mmm!

It's good stuff.
What's in here?

What is that? Ugh.
Are they blueberries?

Yeah. Good, right?

On a burger?
It's very surprising.

Hump here sure loves it.
Look at that!

Yeah.

Sorta does, doesn't he?

Oh, what, are you kidding me?
He is a huge fan.

Are you kidding me?!

It's probably...

It's probably just a l...
a little bug.

You know, it happens t...

Wow!

Ugh.

Wow.

I think this
is contagious.

Hey, Hump.

Huh?

Time to go
to the moon.

Ah!

To the moom!

Hump to the moom!

- Hello, Marnie.
- Oh, man.

I am so sick...

- Aah!
- Oh! J...

Sir, I'd like
to renew my request

- to put a bullet in this...
- Where is the Child?!

Oh, he's long gone.

Target acquired.

Let's go.

What?

Do it.

- What?
- Cass.

Hold on, hold on.
Let's think about this.

Take him out.

No.

Give it to me.

Look, I'm not gonna
kill Hump, alright?

He hasn't done anything.

Give it...
or I'll take it.

Look, I respect you,
alright,

and your skills
as a fighter, Tulip...

but, honestly, love,
I'm a bloody vampire.

You know, there's no way
in hell you're...

No, no, no!

- Okay. We're good.
- Go, go, go!

To the moom!

Whoa!

Shit.

I'm sorry about...

That's alright.

I was mansplaining
a bit, wasn't I?

Mm-hmm.

It's just gonna be such a bitch
to pull out.

So, what do we do now?

What else?

We gotta go get him.

Mm-hmm.

To save him
or to kill him?

Hello, my child.

Yes, yes.

It's really Me.

It's not a trick.

You're not in Hell.

I brought you back.

I did it.

I refused.

They tried everything
they could.

They burnt me,
they tortured me,

but I refused!

- I refused!
- I know you did.

It was just a test.

The whole damn thing,

my whole life was a test, right?

- Yes! It was!
- And I passed!

Ye...

So you don't have
to start again.

- You don't have to end the world, because I passed!
- Oh.

You came...

so close.

Close?

What do ya mean?

I didn't forsake you.
I...

I didn't sit
on your throne.

Yeah, but...
you wanted to.

I wanted to?

Are you serious?

You sinned

in your heart, Jesse.

Is that not serious?

You're gonna end the world
because I was tempted?

"All have sinned,

and fallen short
of the glory of God."

You're making it sound

like there was no way
to pass the test.

I gave Mankind free will.

Your choices are your own,
and so are the consequences.

You made us this way.

I made you
in My own image.

A little thanks
would be nice.

Thank You?

For what?

Kids with cancer?

The Kardashians?

Aah!

Ah.

Look at you...

staring at Me.

Is this how your father
raised you...

...to look your Lord
right in the eye?

This Creation's been...

...well,
it's been a nice run.

Aw, don't despair.

You've still got
a little part to play

before it's
all said and done.

See you at the Apocalypse.

Oh.

Don't forget to bring
your friends.

Grail members!

Please clear a path

as your Allfather

makes his way to the stage!

Here he is, fully restored
to his ageless beauty,

your Allfather!

Soldiers, functionaries, temps,

and other servants
of the Grail...

your Messiah has returned!

My friends, at long last,
the Apocalypse has...

- An air date!
- Shut up!

An air date.

Your guy can
get us in?

Mm.

Good.

Feels like the end
almost, huh?

I guess we all gotta die
sometime, eh?

Yeah.

Patrick and Murphy...

...they're out fishing at sea

and the engine
on the boat dies.

"Patrick, what in the hell'd
you do that for?

Now we're gonna have to piss
in the boat."

Oy. Mate.

We heard you
in line yesterday,

talkin' shit.

"Talkin' shit"?

'Bout a man
that commands a lot of respect

around here.

Aw, no, no.
I didn't mean that, okay?

Look, I've got nothing
but respect.

No, no, no!

Clapton is God!

I feel okay.

Mm.

Aw, bollocks.

Kamal!

Look, I told you, man,

I'm gonna help you out
with the bodies tomorrow.

Christ.

I...

Cass...

Tulip?

I'm back.