Preacher (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 7 - Messiahs - full transcript

Where we goin'?

To kill God.

How is the Christ Child?

You know I lost him,
don't you?

He's gonna meet God.
That's where he's meeting Him.

I want you to remember,

without me,
God gets away with it.

Jesse, don't!

Let me go!

Alright?

Now it's your turn.



Just pick a spot.

And put it
in your mind's eye.

You got it?

Now let it fly.

Hello.

Who am I?

Fiore.

Who are you?

Jesse Custer.

Right. Good.

Am I dead?

Yeah.

This is Heaven?

Well, it ain't
the South of France.



Who is that?

I don't know.
Some girl fishing.

Come on.

It's incredible.

Should have seen it
before the war.

We told you about that.
The Endless War?

Good and Evil.
Heaven and Hell.

Meh.

And it was always
tit for tat.

We'd win a battle,
they'd win a battle,

but... nobody ever
really won or lost.

Until God left.

And now, with Hell under
new management...

I mean,
don't get me wrong.

Jesus has been doing his best,
but he's not... Hitler.

Doesn't really have
that killer instinct.

Which brings us to you.

We're just...
so... glad you're here.

Cool.

What's going on?

"What's going on?"
I've just been telling you what!

Well, you told me
"Jesus is no Hitler."

Okay. Good to know.

It's impossible.

I feel like I'm speaking monkey
to a cow.

Right.
Heaven is empty.

God is gone.

We want you...

...to take His place.

My dear.
You think maybe it...

Back in a minute.

It's a bad day
on the oval for Brisbane.

The undefeated Magpies extend
their win streak to seven.

Ugh, cheatin' bastards.

- Evening.
- Evening.

The bell rung and I didn't know
what to think.

I mean, out here at this hour,
and so forth.

- Is everything alright?
- Me and my friend...

we just had to pull over at
the side of the road down there.

Ah, I see.

You're out of petrol,
are you?

That what happened?
You're out of petrol?

Yeah, of course.

Come on in.
Let's get you sorted out.

Easy enough mistake to make
with the petrol.

Done it myself last year.

You thirsty?
I just fixed a lemon squash.

So, uh, yeah.

I was halfway to Perth
before noticing

the tank was as dry
as a nun's gasket.

Oh, mate.

I... I wish you wouldn't.

Those towels
are the Missus'.

Where is the Missus?

With the Lord.

Cancer.

Hmm.

With the Lord, huh?

Good for her.

Your arm.

What happened?

Sunburn.

What do you want?

Well.

I came to
eat your chickens.

Hello?!

Nothing?!

He wasn't home?

Nope.

But I know
how to get Him.

Nothing for
the Allfather?

The Allfather's business is
the business of the Allfather.

Right.

Guess he's still away.

Attention, Grail personnel.

The modern miracles seminar
for

will be held in conference room
6 at 10:00 AM Thursday.

No! Stop!

Stop!

Stop! Please!

Stop!

Five, four, three...

Is your household cat hacking
into your bank account?

We're gonna sit down
with an FBI agent

with some interesting thoughts,
but first,

let's check-in with
the day's top news.

Craig? Sounds like
Rosie O'Donnell's

landed in hot water
again?

Sorry, guys.
I'm not reading this crap.

Not today.

You know,
as a journalist...

or what's left of one after
six years on this show...

I feel bound to talk about the
darkening political situation.

Australia
and New Zealand.

Ah, this explosion thing, right?
In the Outback?

Yeah.
This 25-kiloton detonation

pushing the world's superpowers
to take sides

and so threaten
a wider nuclear exchange

that will leave the planet
an ash-choked shitscape.

Scary stuff.

Maybe we should
break for commercial?

Craig.

There are children
watching.

Well, then the children
can tell their parents

to get on their knees
and beg for God's mercy.

Because
as far as I can see,

the only thing
that will save us...

is a goddamn miracle!

Go on. Sit.

Someone
needs to step in.

Why not you?

I am the alpha

and the omega!

I am the bright morning star.

No.

I won't do it.

That is a natural first response
to what would be...

a big lifestyle change.
And...

It's not a lifestyle change.
It's a sin.

Well, it's not ideal.

But "sin" 's a bit strong.
Sin's a bit...

It's the worst sin there is!
You're all traitors!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
Stop.

We have got
to stick together!

There'll be plenty of time
for fighting when Hell arrives.

I've always... I've always
wondered about that.

And... and... the...
the big one... it's furry.

It looks like a...

like a thick-crusted
beaver pizza.

It's called a "shtremiel."

Worn over the kippah.

Connotes an extra level
of devotion.

Yes? Good?

Excellent. Thank you.
Got it.

Is that why you've come,

for my knowledge of traditional
Jewish hats and headwear?

You know what we want,
Dany.

Right.

Who we want.

But first...

you know what I want.

Order up.

Honestly, I don't know why
I ever left this town.

It's got good foods.

Pubs never close.

Actually,
do you know what?

I should go down
and see the boys at McSorley's.

Of course, they won't be boys
anymore, will they?

They were like 20-something
then, so...

Well, Christ, they'd be dead
now, wouldn't they?

Yeah. Probably.

Look, this thing...
that she's asking you for?

I can do that,
if you want?

Everything good
for you two?

Oh, it's great.
Thank you so much.

It was lovely.

And just say it.
Say the word, and I'll do it.

You know, I don't like it
either, alright?

But the gloves are off now.

We tried to be nice.

We tried to play it
by the book.

Where did it get us?

Guilt and just feeling bad
about every goddamn thing.

Well, screw that.

The gloves are off.

They're all the way off.

My child.

Whoa! Whoa!

Zo?

Apart from the erection,
what do you think of him?

He's, uh...

Hold that thought.

Guuuhh.

Wait, I thought the Messiah
was supposed to be

a
good dancer?

Whoa! Whoa!

Jesus Christ!

That's not zee Messiah.

You...
You killed him!

Just a clone.

There are
hundreds of them,

running around
like dumb monkeys.

That...
That's no monkey, Hitler.

But the real Messiah?

The one they need
to end the world?

They have lost him.

He is gone.

Disappeared.

And no one knows where.

Except you,
of course.

I don't know either.

Hit by a bus, stumbled into
a wood chipper.

Who knows?

But more importantly,
who cares?

When we have
a perfectly good Messiah?

A deserving Messiah,

all rrrready to go?!

Hm?

What are you
talking about?

Jesus.

I'm talking about you.

Okay.

Alright.

Yeah.

You killed my husband.

- Like you asked me to, Dany.
- No, I know, I know.

- Like you've been asking me for 10 years, Dany.
- I know, I know.

Look. You got what you want,
now we get what we want.

No, I know, I know.

I didn't think
you'd do it!

- What?
- You always said no.

100 times I asked you
and you always said no.

Seriously?

- Look, you g...
- Shut up!

Who is this person?!

Where is he?

Here's the thing.

There's no "thing," Dany.

We had a deal.

Where is he?

You don't understand.

What you are asking...
I can't do it.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, bullshit.

You're right.
I misspoke.

I'm not sorry.

And I won't do it.

Where is he?

Sorry.

It's just... we're trying to
think outside the box.

I can't believe I'm dead
and I still want a cigarette.

Nasty habit.

But it keeps me off
the speedballs.

How is that Cassidy
anyway?

Alive.

Yeah.

He is that.

Look.

You don't want to go against
God's law?

I respect that.

But what if
by refusing the throne,

you're going against
His will?

I mean,
He did send you here, huh?

But why?

I cheated, I stole.

I-I killed people.

I mean, some had it coming,
but... some didn't.

There was this kid once
in Dallas, a bank teller.

He just got in my way.

Why am I
telling you this?

You done
some bad things...

but you done good things,
too.

In the end, who gets into
Heaven, who goes to Hell?

It's complicated.

My only two friends.

Two friends.

They let me down,
but not in any big way.

I mean,
it was in a big way,

but I'm sure
they didn't mean it.

I had to get away from them,
too.

I was afraid
I was gonna kill them.

You see, with all that
hate in my heart,

why would He
send me here?

Because He knows
you forgave them.

I haven't.

It's because...

this isn't Heaven.

Is it, Fiore?

I never said it was.

Get me out of here!

Get me out of here!

Get me out of here!

Get me out of here!

In there?

You can't do this.

Show us.

Or what?
You gonna shoot me, too?

Yeah.

What happened to you?

Where's Jesse?

Tulip?
Where is...

He's dead.

Show us.

Nein, there is nein time
for this now.

Agree to disagree,
Adolf, okay?

Nein!
There is only disagree

because you are
the Messiah.

I have waited too long to have
my plans come crashing down now!

Hey, hey, hey, I don't respond
well to yelling.

Where are you going now?

Fine!

You go.
Pray on it.

You shall not muzzle an ox
when it treads out the grain.

What does that even
mean?

Your latte, my Lord.

Bless you, Hoover Two.

Sugar!

Already in there.

Two packets.

Bar'chu et Hashem ham'vorach.

Baruch Hashem
ham'vorach l'olam vaed.

Well,
where is he?

I hope
he melts your faces off.

Are you ready?

No. We need a minute
to catch our breath.

Open the goddamn door,
Dany.

Uh, bak-too.

Jesus.

I-I get it.

When Jesse first sent him to me
for safekeeping,

I thought,
"This is God's chosen one?

He's raping
blocks of cheese."

But then...

Something happened.

His power, his love changed me.

It changed all of us.

Watch.

Do you understand now
how special he really is?

Why I could never
let you take him.

Ever.

Bye-bye!

Stop them!

They're taking
our Messiah!

Moshiach! Moshiach!

Muhh roooo ahh!

Bye-bye.

Where are you
taking Him?!

Moshiach.

Where are you
taking him?!

Betsy Cullen.

Betsy Cullen... she lived
down the road from me

when I was just a lad
in Dublin.

There was Betsy,
her husband.

She had six sons, and they were
good Catholics, you know.

Devoted. They loved God.

And then the war came along, and
one Cullen boy after another...

he come back from France
in a box, see?

It was Betsy's husband,
five sons.

All dead.
Which left Bobby.

He was like the fair-haired
favorite, you know.

Only Bobby... he died, too,
at his daddy's wake.

He stepped out the bar,
he walked into the road,

he got hit by a cement truck.

And do you know what happened
to Betsy Cullen

and her devotions
as a result of her many sorrows?

Do you know?

Absolutely nothing.

She still loved God.

Because
she was an idiot.

She was a sucker, as are all of you.

And in answer to your question,

we heard
that your Lord...

He loves your Messiah,
too.

So we're going to
kill him...

And we're going to
make God watch, alright?

I didn't even know
we had a Messiah.

Because we didn't tell you,
Eli!

Schmuck.

Got a call for you,
Chief.

I get 30 minutes
for lunch.

I got 27 more to go.

Chief,
it's long-distance.

Wittman here.

Chief. It's Nix.

It's been 14 months.
I thought you were dead.

No, sir.
I'm alive and well

and I'm holding
all the evidence I need

to stop these Grail bastards
in their tracks.

You're saying that this is
more than phony car tags?

It's a global conspiracy.

Hitler and Jesus...

they're taking orders
from this...

this mutilated maniac

who wants to set off
a nuclear war

with a tap-dancing imbecile.

Christ, Nix.

If what you're saying
is true,

you'll make detective
before you're 30.

I didn't get into this
for promotions.

I'm just a cop doing his job
to keep people safe.

As long as I got a badge
in my wallet,

there isn't going to be
any damn apocalypse.

No, sir.
Not on my...

Nix? Nix?

Yay!

Huppa-doo!

Yay!

I did it, Daddy!
I prayed for this!

It's all my fault!

Give me a break.

Hello again.

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to
be an angel.

It's a long story.

But suffice to say,

when you've got a grand-a-day
speedball habit,

Heaven's a challenge.

But this...
you're just...?

I'm just a projection.

This isn't Heaven and that is
not the Lord's throne.

But the offer...
is real.

You take it
and we'll set you free.

Just because
I've got issues with God

doesn't mean I'm going to listen
to some bird-faced dope fiend

about replacing Him.

Okay, let's try something else,
then.

What is this?

This is Heaven.

In 2015.

Watch and listen.

Aw, c'mon, God!
Not summer school.

No.

God, I beg of you,
in all your glory.

If you clear up this rash,

I'll never look at
another hooker again.

No.

Lord, please, let it be benign.

My Lord, I bring, erm...

difficult news.

Genesis has escaped.

We're not sure
how or where.

I see.

I'm really sorry.

You entrusted it to
our safekeeping and...

L-L-Let me just, um...

Shit.

We'll get it back.

Deblanch and I
will go down there,

and we'll find it,
and... and...

Thank you for telling me,
my son.

Now, uh, if you would
leave me with my thoughts,

I will come up with
a solution.

Yes, my Lord.

Of course.

My Lord?

What the...

The dog suit's
a bit weird.

The dog suit
is disgusting.

That can't be
all He's doing.

He must have
some bigger plan.

Oh, you're right
about that.

He's got a big plan.

And he's been hard at it
for months now.

Tinkering...

experimenting...

First, he made dinosaurs.

Then he created man.

And now...

His Great Design.

Creation Part Three.

God's going to replace us.

Unless...