Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 3, Episode 15 - The Butler Did It - full transcript
Bobbie Jo and Betty Jo are creating havoc for Kate in the kitchen by entering contests as they are required to send in food can and box top labels, leaving much of Kate's pantry left with unlabeled cans and boxes. Bobbie Jo manages to win one of those contests, with first prize being a traditional English butler for one month. Unannounced, their new butler, Faversham, arrives on their doorstep. As hard as Kate tries, she just can't get accustomed either to relinquishing control of the chores around the hotel or to doing things the traditional English way. The latter is taken to an extra extreme by Uncle Joe, who organizes a fox hunt. The problem for Uncle Joe becomes how first to find a fox, which have been scarce in their parts of late.
(train whistle blows)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
♪♪
♪♪
Betty Jo? Bobbie Jo?
What's the matter, Mom?
Do you know what happened
to the labels from these cans?
Which labels?
(laughing): Well, the
labels that were on 'em.
What cans are those, Mom?
The creamed corn
or the asparagus?
What difference does that make?
Well, Bobbie sent in
the creamed corn labels,
and I sent in the asparagus.
Sent them in where?
To the contest. You see,
I can win a trip to Hawaii
for three canned
corn labels and a letter
telling what creamed
corn has done for me.
And what has creamed
corn done for you?
Well, creamed corn
has made my life exciting.
It's brought me new friends,
cured my shyness,
and improved my skiing.
I see.
And what has
asparagus done for you?
Nothing.
It wasn't that kind of contest.
How am I supposed to
know what's in these cans?
If I don't win the
trip to Hawaii,
second prize is an
electric can opener.
(chuckling): Oh,
well... that's, uh...
What happened to the cornflakes?
Oh, that's a two-week
cruise in the Caribbean.
Is there any kind of a contest
for a mother to get a
month's consultation
with a psychiatrist?
You were born in
August, weren't you?
Well, there is a contest
where, if you were born
between July 28 and
October the 30th...
- No more contests.
- But, Mom...
The labels are off the cans,
the sides are off the boxes, and...
But, Mom, you can win
all sorts of big prizes.
(chuckling): Oh,
that'll be the day.
Mom, we stand a
real good chance...
No, no, no, n-no. Forget it.
And please let me get supper.
Oh, what are we gonna have?
Russian Roulette.
- Kate! Kate!
- Kate! Kate!
Kate!
- Kate!
- Hey, Kate!
- Hey, Kate!
- Boys, what's the matter?
It's the biggest thing that
ever happened in Hooterville.
- Let-let me tell her!
- No, it's my turn.
You told the last biggest
thing that ever happened.
Excuse me, madam.
Aw, you blew it.
Kate, the news just
walked in the door.
Are you Mrs. Bradley?
Yes, I am.
I'm Faversham. You've won me.
I what?
I am the first prize
in the Gibney Old English
Tomato Sauce Contest.
Your own English
butler for one month.
Bobbie Jo? Betty Jo?
What's the matter, Mom?
Which one of you took the
labels off the tomato sauce cans?
I won! I won!
Yes, miss. The judges
felt that your essay
stating that tomato sauce has
made your life more exciting,
brought you new friends,
cured your shyness,
and improved your skiing
was worthy of the first prize.
I thought that was what
creamed corn did for you.
Tomato sauce
does the same thing.
Well, you just won
yourself a butler.
Come on, Floyd.
Wait a minute.
Are you a real English butler?
- Yes.
- Let me hear you say something in English.
On your way, bumpkin.
Hey, I understand him, and I
don't even know the language.
Mercy. Come on.
(chuckling): I'm sorry
about Floyd. He...
No apologies necessary, madam.
Now, if you'll kindly
show me to my quarters...
- Oh, you don't have to stay.
- Mom, we won him.
Girls, this is the
most ridiculous thing
I ever heard of.
What's ridiculous?
Having an English
butler in the hotel.
Yeah, bud, we
ain't hiring nobody.
We're overstaffed already.
He's not applying for a job.
We won him in a contest.
Oh. Maybe we could trade
him for two weeks in Hawaii.
Uh, this is my uncle Mr. Carson.
Uh, how do you do, sir?
Just fine.
He got real good manners.
Uncle Joe, would you show
Mr. Faversham to his room?
Uh, just plain Faversham, madam.
Just Plain Faversham should
be showing me to my room.
He's the butler.
Madam, I'm here to do for
you and your whole family,
not to have you do for me.
Good show, Just Plain Faversham.
(crowing)
- Mom, what are you doing up?
- Oh, I'm gonna get breakfast...
- Get back in bed.
- I've got to make breakfast.
Faversham already made it.
Well, there certainly must be...
He's gonna serve
you yours in bed.
- I'm up.
- You want to hurt his feelings?
- No, but I'm already dressed.
- Well, get undressed.
- That's the silliest thing I ever...
- Mom...
the way you act,
you'd think that you've
never had a butler before.
Come on.
♪♪
I hope I haven't
awakened you, madam.
Oh, no, I've been up
for... I mean, I was so...
What have you got there?
- Madam's breakfast.
- Oh, how pretty.
I'm sorry I couldn't
find any kippers,
but I hope that the coddled
eggs and the sausages
will be to your liking.
Oh, I loved kiddled...
c-c-coddled...
Sausage... uh,
sausages are my favorite.
If there's anything else that
madam needs, please ring.
- (tinkling)
- Oh.
(chuckles) Thank you.
(Faversham clears throat softly)
(Kate chuckles)
(tinkling)
You rang, madam?
No. I, uh... it was...
it-it went off by itself.
Yes, madam.
(brief tinkle)
♪♪
(sighs)
♪♪
(knocking)
Who is it?
It's Faversham,
madam. May I come in?
Oh, just... just a moment.
Come in.
I forgot madam's napkin.
Oh. Thank you.
I hope you're enjoying
your breakfast, madam.
Oh, it's wonderful, wonderful.
Very good, madam.
♪♪
FAVERSHAM: The
Duchess of Carlyle
used to do the
same thing, madam.
(stifled laugh)
More sausages, sir?
No, hold 'em. I
ain't quite ready yet.
- Morning, Uncle Joe.
- Morning.
Sit down and have
some breakfast.
Oh, I already
had mine... in bed.
- You sick?
- (chuckles)
Mr. Fa... Faversham
brought it to me.
- It was my pleasure, madam.
- Hold the sausages.
How come you didn't give
me my breakfast in bed?
It's customary to serve the
lady of the house, Your Lordship.
"Your Lordship"?
It was Mr. Carson's suggestion.
Well, uh...
if His Lordship doesn't
have a cricket match,
would he mind chopping
some wood for the stove?
It's already chopped.
The front porch needs sweeping.
It's already swept.
How about raking the
leaves in the backyard?
Did we do that?
Yes, I did, sir.
Just Plain's a big help to me.
I see.
♪♪
♪♪
Uh, permit me, madam.
Uh, thank you,
Faversham. (chuckles)
I've drawn your bath, sir.
- My bath?
- Yes. I think you'll find
it's exactly the
right temperature.
Look, it may be
Saturday in London,
but it's Thursday
in Hooterville.
A gentleman bathes
daily, Your Lordship.
Oh, well, if you
already filled the tub.
See if you can find
my rubber duck.
♪♪
(barking)
The train's in,
Mom! We're leaving!
KATE: Oh. Bye, girls.
- Bye-bye.
- Have a good day.
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, honey.
Betty Jo, wait a minute.
Don't you have a game today?
Oh, sure. The Hawks are
playing the Pixley Polecats.
Well, where's your glove?
And you're both
forgetting your books.
No, we're not, Mom.
Faversham.
Coming, miss.
Mr. Faversham, what on earth...?
Madam, I'm on my
way to Hooterville High.
- What?
- The young ladies asked me
if I would carry their
books and this, uh...
cricket equipment.
Mr. Faversham is not
going to school with you.
Oh, Mom, why not?
You do not take
butlers to school.
Why, even Rex Harrison
went to school without a butler.
Now, Floyd and
Charley are waiting.
Get going, get going.
Those girls.
Madam, may I ask you a question?
Oh, sure.
Who is Rex Harrison?
Well, I've... I got a
lot of washing to do.
I've already done it, madam.
Well, I'll iron it.
I've done that, too, madam.
Well, maybe I could...
Uh, uh, that's
already done, madam.
How about, um...?
I did that yesterday.
Well, there's
always... I forgot that.
(Faversham grunts slightly)
- Enjoying your vacation, Mom?
- What?
Oh. (laughs)
Yes, yes, yes.
Do you like not doing anything?
It's a lot of fun.
I know what.
That loose towel
rack in the bathroom.
Faversham already fixed it.
Oh.
I haven't polished
the stove in...
He already did it.
Something I've been
putting off for ages.
I know. The hole in
Uncle Joe's sweater.
(Kate laughs)
Kate, you know, that Faversham's
a good knitter for a foreigner.
- See that?
- (loud thudding, glass breaking)
BETTY JO: Oh, gosh!
Mom, you're going to be awful
sore, and I don't blame you.
I was playing with the
ball like you told me not to,
and I broke your new flowerpot,
and the dirt's all
over the porch.
How about that?
My little girl.
- I'll clean it up.
- Don't you dare.
Leave it just as it is. Ah!
(Kate hums)
(Kate singing)
Don't take it so hard, Mom.
Next time I'll try to break
something when he's not around.
Uh, yeah, yeah, I'll
have your order ready
for you when you come in.
- Morning, Sam.
- Morning, Kate.
What can I sell you today?
Not a thing.
Oh, it's so nice to see
cans with a label on 'em.
If you don't mind
my being nosy, Kate,
w-what are you doing?
- I'm dusting.
- Oh.
I dusted the whole
store this morning.
Oh. Could I mop your
floors or wash your windows?
Oh, Kate.
Sam, please let
me have a little fun.
Ain't you got enough
to do over at the hotel?
Not since that butler showed up.
Now I've got something to do.
Aah!
Oh!
Uncle Joe?
Uncle Joe.
You called me, Kate?
What did you do to my hotel?
How did you know I did it?
It doesn't matter.
Get this stuff out of here.
I can't, Kate, it's too late.
The ad's already in the paper.
What ad?
The one I'm running in
the Pixley Times Picayune.
"A bit of old London right
in the heart of Hooterville."
Old London.
Yeah. What's the sense
in having an English butler
if you don't put him to use?
Kate, it's gonna make
Ye Shady Rest Old Inn.
Make it a what?
A veritable gold mine.
Kate, there'll be throngs of
mutton-loving thrill seekers
tearing down your doors
to pay you shillings
for your bed and board.
Uncle Joe!
Madam, I would
like to make it clear
that none of this is my idea.
Oh, I know. His Lordship.
His, uh, Highness.
Yeah, sounds classier to
the people who answer the ad.
What else did
you put in that ad?
Just the plain facts...
That the Shady
Rest is now serving
a genuine English cuisine,
like Yorkshire pudding,
scones, "scrumpets."
I give up.
Madam is fortunate
that Mr. Carson didn't include
a Sunday morning foxhunt.
No, the foxhunt is
Saturday morning.
(knocking)
Who is it?
It's Faversham,
madam. May I come in?
Oh, just a minute.
Oh, don't bother to get
back into bed, madam.
This is an emergency.
Oh. Oh, come on in.
What's the matter?
This, madam.
"Grand tallyho and
foxhunt Saturday fortnight."
Grand tallyho
Saturday fortnight?
It's English, madam, but I
don't know what it means.
"Three dollars per couple,
including a butler-served
hunt breakfast."
I know what it means.
I'm cooking it,
you're serving it,
and Uncle Joe's
getting three dollars.
Mom, did you...?
Oh, you did.
Where's Uncle Joe?
He's out foxhunting.
You mean to say
he's out practicing?
No, he's hunting for
a fox for the foxhunt.
I keep telling you, Joe, I
ain't caught a fox in years.
How about a woodchuck?
Newt, you can't have a
foxhunt with a woodchuck.
Oh, I could let you have a
nice weasel for two dollars.
How would it sound to
hear people hollering,
"What ho, the weasel"?
Sounds all right to me.
That's because
you ain't English.
Yeah, how about him?
Joe, that's a possum.
Oh, you wouldn't want her nohow.
Look, she's got short legs
and-and-and she waddles.
She'd have trouble
outwalking a duck.
I got to have some
kind of an animal
for them hunt... foxhunters.
- No, not him.
- How about the raccoon?
How much you want for him?
Uh... how high will you go?
I ain't gonna tell
you how high I'll go
till you tell me
how low you'll go.
Well, raccoons are
pretty scarce lately.
50 cents?
It's a deal.
Joe, you've got yourself a fox.
But, sir, that's a raccoon.
Oh, that's what
you English call 'em.
We call 'em foxes.
Raccoon by any other name
will still smell like one to hounds.
Just Plain, why don't you
leave this foxhunt up to me?
Now, all you have to do
is see that the yoicks are
in the right place and that
we don't miss no tallyhos.
Mom, Mom, guess what.
(rapid, overlapping chatter)
Hold it! Hold it!
One at a time.
If anything happens to
that raccoon, it's all our fault.
I wish we'd never heard
of Gibney's Tomato Sauce.
Even one at a time,
it doesn't make sense.
Let's see. Now, you're
afraid that somebody's going
to give Gibney's Tomato
Sauce to the raccoon?
(sighs) No, no, Mom.
If we hadn't won the butler
in that tomato sauce contest,
then Uncle Joe would never
have thought of a foxhunt.
And if he hadn't
thought of the foxhunt,
he wouldn't have rented
Newt Kiley's raccoon.
And if anything
happens to that raccoon,
it's going to be our fault.
Oh, I see.
We got to talk Uncle
Joe out of this foxhunt.
Well, Faversham
tried and I tried,
but Uncle Joe's gone so far,
he's already selling tickets.
I'm afraid it's too late.
(both sighing)
(barking)
(horn blowing)
Welcome.
Welcome to the annual
yoicks and tallyho.
Okay, now, if you'll
all just tie up your dogs
and come inside,
the butler is serving breakfast
in Ye Old English dining room.
The hunt will start
right after breakfast.
Right this way.
Madam, you
shouldn't be doing that.
Well, somebody's got to help
with that hungry mob out there.
It's only right I pitch in.
Yes, the way those
table knives are flashing,
it's like a dueling scene
from The Prisoner of Zenda.
Kate, Kate, it's
gone, it's gone.
- What's gone?
- The raccoon.
My gracious. Those people
were a lot hungrier than I thought.
Kate, this is serious.
How am I going to have a
foxhunt without a raccoon?
You know, you're right.
It's almost as bad as having
a raccoon hunt without a fox.
Look, you've got to
stall 'em until I find him.
If those people find out they
haven't got something to hunt,
they're going to want
their money back.
- Well, give it to 'em.
- I can't.
Pixley Costume Company's
charging me $14 for this outfit.
You do have a problem.
I've got the answer.
(blows horn)
(indistinct chatter)
Now, the genuine
English-type hunting fox
is in a cage around
the side of the hotel.
On hearing the first
blast of the hunting horn,
I will walk around there and
release him from the cage.
I will then blow
the tallyho blast.
You will release your
hounds, and the hunt is on.
Now remember, this
hunt is being conducted
by the Marquess of
Queensberry rules.
(blows horn)
Yeah.
(indistinct chatter)
Where'd Uncle Joe get a fox?
I don't know. He...
That's not a fox.
That's our dog.
Come here. Come out.
Oh.
What's that?
It looks like Mom's fur piece.
Leave that fox alone.
Uncle Joe, you are not going...
I'm just doing
this for your mom,
so her old English
hunt won't be a flop.
Just find yourself another fox.
(barking)
(loud barking)
(barking)
(horn blows fanfare)
(barking)
(barking continues)
What's that?
It sounds as though the
hunt has started, madam.
In the hotel?
(barking)
(dishes breaking)
Oh!
Madam, about that
stack of dishes...
Don't tell me!
Now, we'll give the fox and the
dogs a five-minute head start.
Which is exactly two more
minutes than we're giving you.
May I?
Folks, there's been a
slight change in plans.
Instead of a foxhunt, we're
having an Uncle Joe hunt.
Wait a minute, Kate.
Now, at the first blast of
the horn, everybody tallyho.
- Wait a minute.
- (horn sounds)
Kate, wait a minute.
Okay, everybody,
yoicks and away!
Madam, I beg to report that
the fox was treed in the icebox.
It's been a pleasure having
you here, Mr. Faversham.
And I hope your next
assignment will be less hectic.
It's been a... a most
unusual experience, madam.
Good-bye, Faversham.
You're the nicest
butler we ever had.
Thank you, Miss
Bobbie Jo, Betty Jo.
So long, Just Plain.
If you ever need anybody
to organize a foxhunt,
you know where I live.
I'll never forget.
Kate! Kate!
- Kate, guess what.
- No, no, it's my turn.
- No, it's mine.
- You don't have to.
We won another contest.
(singing in foreign language)
The Surfboard Pineapple Contest.
The second prize... A
luau in your own home.
(singing continues)
Hawaii Night at the Shady Rest.
Now all we need
is a pig to roast.
(Joe laughs)
One of you girls want to
help me light the barbecue?
(singing continues)
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
♪♪
♪♪
Betty Jo? Bobbie Jo?
What's the matter, Mom?
Do you know what happened
to the labels from these cans?
Which labels?
(laughing): Well, the
labels that were on 'em.
What cans are those, Mom?
The creamed corn
or the asparagus?
What difference does that make?
Well, Bobbie sent in
the creamed corn labels,
and I sent in the asparagus.
Sent them in where?
To the contest. You see,
I can win a trip to Hawaii
for three canned
corn labels and a letter
telling what creamed
corn has done for me.
And what has creamed
corn done for you?
Well, creamed corn
has made my life exciting.
It's brought me new friends,
cured my shyness,
and improved my skiing.
I see.
And what has
asparagus done for you?
Nothing.
It wasn't that kind of contest.
How am I supposed to
know what's in these cans?
If I don't win the
trip to Hawaii,
second prize is an
electric can opener.
(chuckling): Oh,
well... that's, uh...
What happened to the cornflakes?
Oh, that's a two-week
cruise in the Caribbean.
Is there any kind of a contest
for a mother to get a
month's consultation
with a psychiatrist?
You were born in
August, weren't you?
Well, there is a contest
where, if you were born
between July 28 and
October the 30th...
- No more contests.
- But, Mom...
The labels are off the cans,
the sides are off the boxes, and...
But, Mom, you can win
all sorts of big prizes.
(chuckling): Oh,
that'll be the day.
Mom, we stand a
real good chance...
No, no, no, n-no. Forget it.
And please let me get supper.
Oh, what are we gonna have?
Russian Roulette.
- Kate! Kate!
- Kate! Kate!
Kate!
- Kate!
- Hey, Kate!
- Hey, Kate!
- Boys, what's the matter?
It's the biggest thing that
ever happened in Hooterville.
- Let-let me tell her!
- No, it's my turn.
You told the last biggest
thing that ever happened.
Excuse me, madam.
Aw, you blew it.
Kate, the news just
walked in the door.
Are you Mrs. Bradley?
Yes, I am.
I'm Faversham. You've won me.
I what?
I am the first prize
in the Gibney Old English
Tomato Sauce Contest.
Your own English
butler for one month.
Bobbie Jo? Betty Jo?
What's the matter, Mom?
Which one of you took the
labels off the tomato sauce cans?
I won! I won!
Yes, miss. The judges
felt that your essay
stating that tomato sauce has
made your life more exciting,
brought you new friends,
cured your shyness,
and improved your skiing
was worthy of the first prize.
I thought that was what
creamed corn did for you.
Tomato sauce
does the same thing.
Well, you just won
yourself a butler.
Come on, Floyd.
Wait a minute.
Are you a real English butler?
- Yes.
- Let me hear you say something in English.
On your way, bumpkin.
Hey, I understand him, and I
don't even know the language.
Mercy. Come on.
(chuckling): I'm sorry
about Floyd. He...
No apologies necessary, madam.
Now, if you'll kindly
show me to my quarters...
- Oh, you don't have to stay.
- Mom, we won him.
Girls, this is the
most ridiculous thing
I ever heard of.
What's ridiculous?
Having an English
butler in the hotel.
Yeah, bud, we
ain't hiring nobody.
We're overstaffed already.
He's not applying for a job.
We won him in a contest.
Oh. Maybe we could trade
him for two weeks in Hawaii.
Uh, this is my uncle Mr. Carson.
Uh, how do you do, sir?
Just fine.
He got real good manners.
Uncle Joe, would you show
Mr. Faversham to his room?
Uh, just plain Faversham, madam.
Just Plain Faversham should
be showing me to my room.
He's the butler.
Madam, I'm here to do for
you and your whole family,
not to have you do for me.
Good show, Just Plain Faversham.
(crowing)
- Mom, what are you doing up?
- Oh, I'm gonna get breakfast...
- Get back in bed.
- I've got to make breakfast.
Faversham already made it.
Well, there certainly must be...
He's gonna serve
you yours in bed.
- I'm up.
- You want to hurt his feelings?
- No, but I'm already dressed.
- Well, get undressed.
- That's the silliest thing I ever...
- Mom...
the way you act,
you'd think that you've
never had a butler before.
Come on.
♪♪
I hope I haven't
awakened you, madam.
Oh, no, I've been up
for... I mean, I was so...
What have you got there?
- Madam's breakfast.
- Oh, how pretty.
I'm sorry I couldn't
find any kippers,
but I hope that the coddled
eggs and the sausages
will be to your liking.
Oh, I loved kiddled...
c-c-coddled...
Sausage... uh,
sausages are my favorite.
If there's anything else that
madam needs, please ring.
- (tinkling)
- Oh.
(chuckles) Thank you.
(Faversham clears throat softly)
(Kate chuckles)
(tinkling)
You rang, madam?
No. I, uh... it was...
it-it went off by itself.
Yes, madam.
(brief tinkle)
♪♪
(sighs)
♪♪
(knocking)
Who is it?
It's Faversham,
madam. May I come in?
Oh, just... just a moment.
Come in.
I forgot madam's napkin.
Oh. Thank you.
I hope you're enjoying
your breakfast, madam.
Oh, it's wonderful, wonderful.
Very good, madam.
♪♪
FAVERSHAM: The
Duchess of Carlyle
used to do the
same thing, madam.
(stifled laugh)
More sausages, sir?
No, hold 'em. I
ain't quite ready yet.
- Morning, Uncle Joe.
- Morning.
Sit down and have
some breakfast.
Oh, I already
had mine... in bed.
- You sick?
- (chuckles)
Mr. Fa... Faversham
brought it to me.
- It was my pleasure, madam.
- Hold the sausages.
How come you didn't give
me my breakfast in bed?
It's customary to serve the
lady of the house, Your Lordship.
"Your Lordship"?
It was Mr. Carson's suggestion.
Well, uh...
if His Lordship doesn't
have a cricket match,
would he mind chopping
some wood for the stove?
It's already chopped.
The front porch needs sweeping.
It's already swept.
How about raking the
leaves in the backyard?
Did we do that?
Yes, I did, sir.
Just Plain's a big help to me.
I see.
♪♪
♪♪
Uh, permit me, madam.
Uh, thank you,
Faversham. (chuckles)
I've drawn your bath, sir.
- My bath?
- Yes. I think you'll find
it's exactly the
right temperature.
Look, it may be
Saturday in London,
but it's Thursday
in Hooterville.
A gentleman bathes
daily, Your Lordship.
Oh, well, if you
already filled the tub.
See if you can find
my rubber duck.
♪♪
(barking)
The train's in,
Mom! We're leaving!
KATE: Oh. Bye, girls.
- Bye-bye.
- Have a good day.
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, honey.
Betty Jo, wait a minute.
Don't you have a game today?
Oh, sure. The Hawks are
playing the Pixley Polecats.
Well, where's your glove?
And you're both
forgetting your books.
No, we're not, Mom.
Faversham.
Coming, miss.
Mr. Faversham, what on earth...?
Madam, I'm on my
way to Hooterville High.
- What?
- The young ladies asked me
if I would carry their
books and this, uh...
cricket equipment.
Mr. Faversham is not
going to school with you.
Oh, Mom, why not?
You do not take
butlers to school.
Why, even Rex Harrison
went to school without a butler.
Now, Floyd and
Charley are waiting.
Get going, get going.
Those girls.
Madam, may I ask you a question?
Oh, sure.
Who is Rex Harrison?
Well, I've... I got a
lot of washing to do.
I've already done it, madam.
Well, I'll iron it.
I've done that, too, madam.
Well, maybe I could...
Uh, uh, that's
already done, madam.
How about, um...?
I did that yesterday.
Well, there's
always... I forgot that.
(Faversham grunts slightly)
- Enjoying your vacation, Mom?
- What?
Oh. (laughs)
Yes, yes, yes.
Do you like not doing anything?
It's a lot of fun.
I know what.
That loose towel
rack in the bathroom.
Faversham already fixed it.
Oh.
I haven't polished
the stove in...
He already did it.
Something I've been
putting off for ages.
I know. The hole in
Uncle Joe's sweater.
(Kate laughs)
Kate, you know, that Faversham's
a good knitter for a foreigner.
- See that?
- (loud thudding, glass breaking)
BETTY JO: Oh, gosh!
Mom, you're going to be awful
sore, and I don't blame you.
I was playing with the
ball like you told me not to,
and I broke your new flowerpot,
and the dirt's all
over the porch.
How about that?
My little girl.
- I'll clean it up.
- Don't you dare.
Leave it just as it is. Ah!
(Kate hums)
(Kate singing)
Don't take it so hard, Mom.
Next time I'll try to break
something when he's not around.
Uh, yeah, yeah, I'll
have your order ready
for you when you come in.
- Morning, Sam.
- Morning, Kate.
What can I sell you today?
Not a thing.
Oh, it's so nice to see
cans with a label on 'em.
If you don't mind
my being nosy, Kate,
w-what are you doing?
- I'm dusting.
- Oh.
I dusted the whole
store this morning.
Oh. Could I mop your
floors or wash your windows?
Oh, Kate.
Sam, please let
me have a little fun.
Ain't you got enough
to do over at the hotel?
Not since that butler showed up.
Now I've got something to do.
Aah!
Oh!
Uncle Joe?
Uncle Joe.
You called me, Kate?
What did you do to my hotel?
How did you know I did it?
It doesn't matter.
Get this stuff out of here.
I can't, Kate, it's too late.
The ad's already in the paper.
What ad?
The one I'm running in
the Pixley Times Picayune.
"A bit of old London right
in the heart of Hooterville."
Old London.
Yeah. What's the sense
in having an English butler
if you don't put him to use?
Kate, it's gonna make
Ye Shady Rest Old Inn.
Make it a what?
A veritable gold mine.
Kate, there'll be throngs of
mutton-loving thrill seekers
tearing down your doors
to pay you shillings
for your bed and board.
Uncle Joe!
Madam, I would
like to make it clear
that none of this is my idea.
Oh, I know. His Lordship.
His, uh, Highness.
Yeah, sounds classier to
the people who answer the ad.
What else did
you put in that ad?
Just the plain facts...
That the Shady
Rest is now serving
a genuine English cuisine,
like Yorkshire pudding,
scones, "scrumpets."
I give up.
Madam is fortunate
that Mr. Carson didn't include
a Sunday morning foxhunt.
No, the foxhunt is
Saturday morning.
(knocking)
Who is it?
It's Faversham,
madam. May I come in?
Oh, just a minute.
Oh, don't bother to get
back into bed, madam.
This is an emergency.
Oh. Oh, come on in.
What's the matter?
This, madam.
"Grand tallyho and
foxhunt Saturday fortnight."
Grand tallyho
Saturday fortnight?
It's English, madam, but I
don't know what it means.
"Three dollars per couple,
including a butler-served
hunt breakfast."
I know what it means.
I'm cooking it,
you're serving it,
and Uncle Joe's
getting three dollars.
Mom, did you...?
Oh, you did.
Where's Uncle Joe?
He's out foxhunting.
You mean to say
he's out practicing?
No, he's hunting for
a fox for the foxhunt.
I keep telling you, Joe, I
ain't caught a fox in years.
How about a woodchuck?
Newt, you can't have a
foxhunt with a woodchuck.
Oh, I could let you have a
nice weasel for two dollars.
How would it sound to
hear people hollering,
"What ho, the weasel"?
Sounds all right to me.
That's because
you ain't English.
Yeah, how about him?
Joe, that's a possum.
Oh, you wouldn't want her nohow.
Look, she's got short legs
and-and-and she waddles.
She'd have trouble
outwalking a duck.
I got to have some
kind of an animal
for them hunt... foxhunters.
- No, not him.
- How about the raccoon?
How much you want for him?
Uh... how high will you go?
I ain't gonna tell
you how high I'll go
till you tell me
how low you'll go.
Well, raccoons are
pretty scarce lately.
50 cents?
It's a deal.
Joe, you've got yourself a fox.
But, sir, that's a raccoon.
Oh, that's what
you English call 'em.
We call 'em foxes.
Raccoon by any other name
will still smell like one to hounds.
Just Plain, why don't you
leave this foxhunt up to me?
Now, all you have to do
is see that the yoicks are
in the right place and that
we don't miss no tallyhos.
Mom, Mom, guess what.
(rapid, overlapping chatter)
Hold it! Hold it!
One at a time.
If anything happens to
that raccoon, it's all our fault.
I wish we'd never heard
of Gibney's Tomato Sauce.
Even one at a time,
it doesn't make sense.
Let's see. Now, you're
afraid that somebody's going
to give Gibney's Tomato
Sauce to the raccoon?
(sighs) No, no, Mom.
If we hadn't won the butler
in that tomato sauce contest,
then Uncle Joe would never
have thought of a foxhunt.
And if he hadn't
thought of the foxhunt,
he wouldn't have rented
Newt Kiley's raccoon.
And if anything
happens to that raccoon,
it's going to be our fault.
Oh, I see.
We got to talk Uncle
Joe out of this foxhunt.
Well, Faversham
tried and I tried,
but Uncle Joe's gone so far,
he's already selling tickets.
I'm afraid it's too late.
(both sighing)
(barking)
(horn blowing)
Welcome.
Welcome to the annual
yoicks and tallyho.
Okay, now, if you'll
all just tie up your dogs
and come inside,
the butler is serving breakfast
in Ye Old English dining room.
The hunt will start
right after breakfast.
Right this way.
Madam, you
shouldn't be doing that.
Well, somebody's got to help
with that hungry mob out there.
It's only right I pitch in.
Yes, the way those
table knives are flashing,
it's like a dueling scene
from The Prisoner of Zenda.
Kate, Kate, it's
gone, it's gone.
- What's gone?
- The raccoon.
My gracious. Those people
were a lot hungrier than I thought.
Kate, this is serious.
How am I going to have a
foxhunt without a raccoon?
You know, you're right.
It's almost as bad as having
a raccoon hunt without a fox.
Look, you've got to
stall 'em until I find him.
If those people find out they
haven't got something to hunt,
they're going to want
their money back.
- Well, give it to 'em.
- I can't.
Pixley Costume Company's
charging me $14 for this outfit.
You do have a problem.
I've got the answer.
(blows horn)
(indistinct chatter)
Now, the genuine
English-type hunting fox
is in a cage around
the side of the hotel.
On hearing the first
blast of the hunting horn,
I will walk around there and
release him from the cage.
I will then blow
the tallyho blast.
You will release your
hounds, and the hunt is on.
Now remember, this
hunt is being conducted
by the Marquess of
Queensberry rules.
(blows horn)
Yeah.
(indistinct chatter)
Where'd Uncle Joe get a fox?
I don't know. He...
That's not a fox.
That's our dog.
Come here. Come out.
Oh.
What's that?
It looks like Mom's fur piece.
Leave that fox alone.
Uncle Joe, you are not going...
I'm just doing
this for your mom,
so her old English
hunt won't be a flop.
Just find yourself another fox.
(barking)
(loud barking)
(barking)
(horn blows fanfare)
(barking)
(barking continues)
What's that?
It sounds as though the
hunt has started, madam.
In the hotel?
(barking)
(dishes breaking)
Oh!
Madam, about that
stack of dishes...
Don't tell me!
Now, we'll give the fox and the
dogs a five-minute head start.
Which is exactly two more
minutes than we're giving you.
May I?
Folks, there's been a
slight change in plans.
Instead of a foxhunt, we're
having an Uncle Joe hunt.
Wait a minute, Kate.
Now, at the first blast of
the horn, everybody tallyho.
- Wait a minute.
- (horn sounds)
Kate, wait a minute.
Okay, everybody,
yoicks and away!
Madam, I beg to report that
the fox was treed in the icebox.
It's been a pleasure having
you here, Mr. Faversham.
And I hope your next
assignment will be less hectic.
It's been a... a most
unusual experience, madam.
Good-bye, Faversham.
You're the nicest
butler we ever had.
Thank you, Miss
Bobbie Jo, Betty Jo.
So long, Just Plain.
If you ever need anybody
to organize a foxhunt,
you know where I live.
I'll never forget.
Kate! Kate!
- Kate, guess what.
- No, no, it's my turn.
- No, it's mine.
- You don't have to.
We won another contest.
(singing in foreign language)
The Surfboard Pineapple Contest.
The second prize... A
luau in your own home.
(singing continues)
Hawaii Night at the Shady Rest.
Now all we need
is a pig to roast.
(Joe laughs)
One of you girls want to
help me light the barbecue?
(singing continues)
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
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Filmways Presentation.