Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 2, Episode 30 - Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Jinx? - full transcript
Poor Uncle Joe just
can't seem to get a break
when he gains the reputation
of a regular bad luck charm.
Hank Patterson
returns as Fred Ziffel.
And playing Pip Winslow
is William Fawcett,
an actor who held a PhD
and taught theater arts
at Michigan State
in the early 1940s.
So here's our episode that
poses and answers the question,
"Who's Afraid of
the Big Bad Jinx."
(train whistle blows)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
"It was the best of times,
"it was the worst of times.
BETTY JO: It was the age of..."
Oh, Mom... Shh!
Will you fix... Shh!
Oh, well, I got to wear
this to the dance. Shh!
Betty Jo's rehearsing for
the high school contest.
When is she going to
start going out with boys?
She's more
interested in winning.
Come on.
BETTY JO: "we had
everything before us.
"We were all going
direct to Heaven,
"we were all going
direct the other way.
In short, the period
was so like the present..."
"for good or for evil...
"superlative degree
of comparison alone.
"There was a king
with a large jaw
"and a queen with a plain
face on the throne of England.
"There was a king
with a large jaw
and a queen with
a bare face on..."
For crying out loud, why don't
you get your own earmuffs?
(growling)
For crying out loud...
"that some of its noisiest
authorities insisted on it
being received for
good or for evil..."
How can a feller sleep
with all that racket going on?
BETTY JO: "It was
clearer than crystal
"to the lords of the state
preserves of loaves and fishes,
"that things in general
were settled forever,
(hoarsely): "and that...
(clears throat) and that..."
I'm trying to take
a snooze, Betty Jo,
if you don't mind.
What's the matter?
(hoarsely): I lost my voice.
What?
(hoarsely): I lost my voice.
You ain't a-gonna win that
contest unless you talk up.
Betty Jo, why did you stop...?
Uncle Joe, let
Betty Jo practice.
Go ahead with
your speech, honey.
I can't.
I lost my voice.
Now Sarah Jane's
going to beat me.
Well, Uncle Joe's done it again.
I didn't do nothin'.
Well, Betty Jo lost her
voice when you walked in.
Yeah, but, I... No buts
about it, Uncle Joe.
You're a jinx.
I am not.
You are, too.
Now, just a second.
I don't like that kind of talk.
Well, Mom, let's face it.
Lately, all Uncle Joe has to do
is look at somebody and pow!
Disaster.
Well, he's nothing but
a big bundle of bad luck.
I'm lookin' at you
and nothin' happened.
Stick around.
Kate... Girls, Betty
Jo losing her voice
has nothing to do with bad luck.
She's just been
practicing too hard.
I have not.
Uncle Joe jinxed me.
You say that once more
and you're not only
going to lose your voice,
but your seating capacity.
If it wasn't for the fact
that we're related through
your mother, I'd sue you
for slandering my good
name, which ain't "jinx."
Now, you see?
You've hurt Uncle
Joe's feelings.
But I've gotta get
my voice back.
We'll get it back for you.
All you need to do is rest and
sip some hot water and honey.
Come on.
We ain't a-gonna deliver these.
You've got to.
We ain't a-gonna.
Now, we'll deliver
Newt Kiley's mail.
And Fred Ziffel's.
And Ben Miller's.
But we ain't taking
nothin' to the Shady Rest.
As long as Joe
the Jinx is there.
Look, you want to lose the
mail-delivering franchise?
Rather lose that than the train.
You don't have to stop.
Just throw the mail off.
No, thank you.
Look, as postmaster of
the Hooterville Post Office,
I order you to
deliver this mail.
I dare you to pull your
hat off and say that.
Do you know the motto of
the United States Post Office?
Yeah: "Don't steal the pens."
No.
I mean, "Neither rain,
nor sleet, nor dark of night
"can stay these couriers
from the swift completion
of their appointed rounds."
Aw, you're just making that up.
Take the mail.
Well, all right.
Floyd, let's appoint our
rounds and get it over with.
Oh, what's that
for, Mrs. Bradley?
A high school oratory contest.
Betty Jo won it
two years in a row.
Now, if she wins again,
she gets to keep it.
Oh, I hope she
does. (gentle laugh)
Did the mail get here yet?
Uh, Uncle Joe just
went down to get it.
I'm expecting a letter
with a nice, fat
bonus check in it
for those 12 orders I sent in.
Oh, well, good luck.
Get away, bad luck!
Give me the mail.
Get back! Get back!
Way back, out of voodoo range.
Gimme the mail!
Don't come any closer
or I'll let you have it.
Cut that out!
We're de-voodoo-izing you.
I ain't no voodoo.
If I was, I'd shrink your heads
down to the size of your brains.
You keep your evil
eye off of us, Joe.
Yeah, don't look at the train.
Give me that mail or I'll
complain to Washington.
Ain't they got enough
trouble without you?
Quick, fling the
letters to the dog!
(Floyd yells; clattering)
You all right?
He done it to me, Charley.
He fell out of the cab?
Wasn't my fault. I
didn't lay a hand on him.
Well, did he get hurt?
No, he fell on his head.
Thanks.
Here's a letter for
you, Mr. Harrington.
Oh, this is what
I've been waiting for.
(hoarse): Mom,
is there any mail...
Very funny.
There anything for me, Kate?
No.
Huh... "Mr. Dog,
Shady Rest Hotel."
Who could that be for?
(barks)
You?
(barking)
"Dear Mr. Dog, we received
"the coupon
requesting information
for our art
appreciation course."
Art appreciation?
(barks)
He's the one that's been chewing
the coupons out of my magazine.
MR. HARRINGTON: Oh, no.
What's wrong, Mr. Harrington?
I've been fired.
I thought you were going to
get a bonus for those orders.
They were all cancelled.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mr. Carson, you never should
have gone down for the mail.
Well, he always...
Kate, it isn't true.
Oh, of course it isn't.
Hi, Sam.
Hi. Getting ready
to roll the presses.
Oh. Is that this week's
Hooterville World Guardian?
Yup. Coming out right on time.
Two days late. (laughs)
I was, uh, holding the
front page for an extra.
An extra?
Yeah, an extra classified ad.
Mrs. Krendle thought
she'd sell her piano,
but she can't find the stool.
Well, is there any big news?
Well, I got a story about
the box factory in Pixley.
Oh, and Lem Waller sprained
his thumb milking his cow.
Yeah, they'll both be out of
action for a couple of weeks.
Joe wasn't over to see
Lem recently, was he?
Oh, now, Sam, you're not going
to start that nonsense, too?!
Oh, I was just teasing, Kate.
Well, it isn't funny.
Poor Uncle Joe...
He's getting blamed
for anything that
happens around here.
Yeah, there's nothing worse
than blind, ignorant
superstition.
Well, I'm glad to see you
have the sense to know that.
Yeah. You can say a lot of
obnoxious things about Joe,
but one thing he
ain't, and that's a jinx.
Thanks, Sam.
Well, that's okay, Joe. I...
(machine grinds and rumbles)
Now, Sam, I... Get
out of here, you jinx!
Sam!
Stay away from this train!
I'm going back to the hotel.
Not on this train.
These are Kate's groceries.
Well, put 'em down.
We'll put 'em aboard.
Put 'em down.
Well, pick 'em up.
Well, back away.
(laughs)
Serves you right.
I was looking at your evil eye.
You two fellas going steady?
I thought you were going to
put the, uh, groceries on the train.
Them two jokers
wouldn't let me get on.
You're darn right we won't.
What happened to your nose?
Same thing that happened
to my head, only worse.
(laughs)
Joe's barred from
the train for life.
Well, if he's barred,
I'm barred, too.
But Kate, you're not dangerous.
Joe is.
Either he rides,
or we both walk.
Well, all-all right.
He-He can ride.
All aboard for the
Cannonball's last trip.
This is interesting.
The Pixley box
factory is thinking
of moving to Hooterville.
Good for the town... make a
lot of jobs for a lot of people.
There ain't no quicker way
to ruin the economy of a
community than with jobs.
Yeah.
Work sure interferes
with those afternoon naps.
But don't worry, Uncle Joe.
Crabwell Corners is trying
to get the box
factory over there.
Crabwell Corners.
The biggest business they got
in that town's the Edsel Agency.
Can't you read any faster?
He can't even read
without moving his lips.
Well, maybe he'll improve
after he has his art
appreciation course.
Something wrong, Floyd?
Charley told me to keep
an eye on Hard Luck Harry.
Look, Floyd... (loud rumbling)
(squealing)
Well, Joe, you done it again.
FLOYD: Get off! Get off!
CHARLEY: While-While-While
we're in one piece.
I didn't do nothin'!
You were riding on
the train; that's enough.
It's the first time in years the
wheels have run off the track.
Wait a second, fellas.
Kate, he can't ride our train.
Who wants to? It ain't safe.
Now, Uncle Joe!
I'm walking!
You go with him.
Go on. Go with him.
Kate, I'm sorry, but
he's got us scared.
Boo!
Oh! (grunts)
Floyd, let's get this
thing back on the track.
(squealing)
Now, just hold
your horses, Arnold.
You'll get to wet your whistle.
There. Now, there you are.
Hiya, Fred.
Oh, hi, Joe.
That a new well?
Yeah. It needs more water.
Doris and me is figuring on
adding 50 more
pigs to our spread.
(slurping)
Arnold, Arnold,
watch your manners.
Pig sure is slurping
up a lot of water.
Oh, that ain't nothing, Joe.
You oughta see Doris after
she gets through plowing.
She... Hey, you're walking.
How come?
Oh, uh, it's such a nice day.
Oh.
Charley and Floyd
throwed you off the train?
What makes you think that?
Oh, I've heard
stories about you.
Well, they ain't true.
I know it.
I don't hold with people
who are able to jinx people.
Thanks, Fred.
No, if there's anything to that,
Doris and me would
never have been able
to stay married 40 years.
(laughing)
Your dog thirsty?
(barking)
By golly, he said
he was, didn't he?
Well, you can drink
out of Arnold's bucket.
I don't think he'll mind.
You know, that dog is
nearly as smart as Arnold?
(Arnold squeals)
Can I have a drink, too?
Sure you can, Joe.
And you gonna find
this is the coolest,
sweetest, purest
water you ever...
Hmm, that's funny.
Must've dried up.
Why, that well
goes down 60 feet.
(metal clanging)
You oughta try for 70.
Now, that water and that well
was all right until you come.
Get off my property, you jinx!
Don't you... Don't
you look at Arnold!
Get off my property!
Don't you worry, Arnold...
I won't let him jinx you.
Don't you worry, boy.
KATE: Uncle Joe?
No, it's us, Mom.
Betty Jo, you shouldn't be
out in the night
air with your throat.
Oh, it's fine, Mom.
It got better the
minute Uncle Joe left...
It got better the minute you
started the hot water and honey.
Now, you get
upstairs and go to bed.
Yes, ma'am.
"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times.
It was the age of wisdom..."
And save your
voice for the contest.
I will.
Have you seen any
sign of Uncle Joe?
Nope.
I wonder where he
could be. I'm real worried.
(gunshot in distance)
What was that?
It sounded like
Ben Miller's shotgun.
Well, I guess Uncle Joe
will be coming home soon.
Billie Jo, I will not have
you talking like that.
Uncle Joe is not a jinx.
Shake hands with "Jinx Carson."
What?
That's the name I'm
operating under from now on.
Oh.
Y-You, you come
with me, Uncle Joe.
I, uh, kept your
supper warm for you.
I ain't got time for supper.
I gotta write up some
advertising circulars.
If you'd rather get into bed,
I'll bring you up some hot soup.
But I don't want any soup.
Where's Billie Jo's typewriter?
I better not use it.
My fantastic jinxing
powers, it might fall apart.
Uncle Joe, why don't
you get into bed?
I'll put the handcar
on the tracks
and bring Dr. Stuart.
Kate, I'm not sick.
I don't need a doctor.
Look at me, what do you see?
A man that walked
too far in the hot sun.
You're looking at a
million dollars on the hoof.
Kate, I'm going into
the jinx business.
You don't know what a
wonderful day I've had.
First, I wreck the train,
then I stop by Newt Kiley's
and watch the wheel
fall off his tractor.
Then on to Fred Ziffel's,
where I had an exciting 10
minutes drying up a new well.
And less than a half hour later,
I stopped by Ben Miller's...
I heard a shotgun
blast from over there.
It's gonna take him a
month to rebuild his barn.
Uncle Joe!
Kate, with a series of fantastical,
disas-tri-ful events like that,
what other way is there to go,
except into the jinxing business?
Professional jinx?
He's even got a slogan.
"If you're looking for
trouble, call 'Joe the Jinx.'"
No.
He spent half the night
preparing an
advertising brochure...
Complete with rates.
You mean he's figuring on
charging for bringing bad luck?
Sundays and holidays,
time and a half.
Kate... That's not all.
He wants to hire
himself out to you fellas
at the Hooterville
Chamber of Commerce.
To do what?
To jinx Crabwell Corners
out of the box factory.
Kate, I hate to tell you this,
but you better reserve him a
room in the ding-a-ling factory.
I'm pretty worried, Sam.
Yeah.
How much is he figuring
on charging for this?
Twelve dollars.
Twelve dollars?!
Oh, poor Joe.
Well, he says it's worth 25.
But he figures that the word
of mouth advertising he'll get
will bring him enough
business to do it cut-rate.
I don't know about
that... but $12.
Hmm, still that's not,
that's not too bad a price, now,
to pay for getting the
box factory over here.
Sam!
You don't really think
Uncle Joe can bring
the box factory here.
Oh, of course not, Kate.
$12, huh?
You know, if you're
even considering this,
you're in worse
shape than Uncle Joe.
Yeah.
(chuckles)
What kind of guarantee
would he give?
I guarantee if you give him $12,
you'll be throwing
away good money.
Uncle Joe can't jinx anything,
anybody, anyplace, anytime.
Oh, Kate, I know he can't.
Well, I should hope so.
Jinx! (chuckles)
Get out! Out!
Sam!
What were we just talking about?
Oh, oh, I-I'm sorry.
Come on in, Joe.
Have a pickle.
Thanks.
Here's your $12, Joe.
Kate, if you wanna
observe, observe.
But don't interfere.
But I'm just wondering
who you were looking at.
The Chamber
President, Pip Winslow.
He's my prime target.
He's not in there.
Who's doing this job, you or me?
Kate, will you please...
Hi, Pip.
Joe... (stammers)...
How are you, Pip?
Fine, Kate.
Hooterville sent you over
to try to land the box factory?
Maybe they did and
maybe they didn't.
Well, if they did, you're
wasting your time.
Because Rogers the
manager is waiting for me
in my office to close the deal.
You're wasting your time.
Rogers ain't gonna
close the deal.
Drop over in a few weeks
and I'll give you a free box.
Looks like we got
here just in time.
Now or never.
Come on, let's get around
where we can get a
clear shot at the office.
How long you gonna do that?
Till I get my bad
luck warmed up.
What's Pip doing now?
He and Mr. Rogers are
looking over the blueprints.
I'm feeling pretty unlucky.
What's next? I start jinxing.
Just like that?
Don't you have to set
up a table or something?
What for?
Well, you're in business.
Shouldn't you have
some equipment?
Kate, it all comes from up here.
You don't carry
much of an inventory.
Kate, the only reason
I let you come along
is so you could tell Sam
that he got his $12-worth.
What are they
doing in there now?
They're laughing.
That's 'cause I ain't started.
Is that the usual procedure?
I gotta get the
right bad-luck angle.
They're still laughing.
That won't last long.
Kate, are you sure
you wanna watch this?
It can get pretty terrifying.
I'll try not to scream.
Once I've started,
there's no stopping me.
Now, stand back.
Riggity-rack!
Riggity-rex!
On Crabwell Corners,
put a double hex!
Take cover, Kate!
The desk still standing?
Still standing.
Maybe you better try
another bad luck angle.
Kate... I'm just trying to help.
Riggity-rack!
Riggity-rex!
On Crabwell Corners,
put a triple hex!
Take a look at the desk now.
Looks better now than before.
Wonder if the
altitude's the same
over in Crabwell Corners.
Whether it is or whether
it isn't, you better get busy.
They're gonna sign the contract!
Kate, the hex is working.
They're out of ink.
Fee-fum-fi-fo.
Bring Crabwell
Corners lots of woe.
The ink spilling all
over the contract?
Not on the contract.
Went all over their suits.
Rogers is probably
gonna blow the deal.
Nope.
Something must've happened.
Yep, they signed the contract.
What?!
Kate, I'm stuck!
Joe, you're stuck!
Here, let me get you out...
Fi-fo-fum-fee!
You'll need a hacksaw
to get you free!
Pull! Pull! Ooh, my
ear! Ooh, my ear!
And so Uncle Joe had
to give Sam back his $12,
plus paying the
plumber eight dollars
for sawing his
neck out of the bars.
But it was worth it.
Now we know
Uncle Joe isn't a jinx.
Well, it sure
seemed like he was.
Well, he isn't, so
the matter's closed.
Betty Jo, are you ready yet?
Be right down, Mom!
Sarah Jane here?
No, but she will be
in a few seconds.
You're supposed to
be at the high school
a half hour before
the contest starts.
Do you think Betty
Jo will win again?
I don't know; Sarah
Jane's pretty good.
How do I look, Mom?
Hmm...
Beautiful.
(Betty Jo sighing)
"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times.
"It was the age of wisdom.
It was the epic..."
(clears throat)
(hoarsely): "It was the ep..."
I lost my voice.
What was it you were
saying about Uncle Joe?
Uncle Joe isn't even here.
Well, then who? How?
Him!
How could you accuse such
a sweet, innocent little dog
of such a terrible thing?
But Mom, think,
every time Uncle Joe
was supposed to have
brought somebody bad luck,
the dog was with him.
Were you?
Except in Crabwell Corners,
where Uncle Joe could've used...
(hoarsely): But
what about my voice?
We'll get you some
hot water and honey.
But there isn't time!
Yes, there is. Come on.
SARAH JANE
(lilting): Betty Jo...!
It's Sarah Jane!
You two start the water boiling
and, uh, I'll keep her busy.
Okay, come on.
Good evening, Mrs. Bradley.
How are you, Sarah
Jane? Just fine.
You all ready for the contest?
Contest? Hah!
You don't really
think it'll be a contest.
Well, it's supposed
to be a contest.
If Betty Jo had a chance.
I've been, uh, taking
private elocution lessons.
Well, is that fair?
"All's fair in love and war."
You did say "all's fair in
love and war," didn't you?
Yes.
So, while you're waiting,
why don't you, uh,
pet Betty Jo's dog?
Like you said,
"All's fair in love and war."
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.
can't seem to get a break
when he gains the reputation
of a regular bad luck charm.
Hank Patterson
returns as Fred Ziffel.
And playing Pip Winslow
is William Fawcett,
an actor who held a PhD
and taught theater arts
at Michigan State
in the early 1940s.
So here's our episode that
poses and answers the question,
"Who's Afraid of
the Big Bad Jinx."
(train whistle blows)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
"It was the best of times,
"it was the worst of times.
BETTY JO: It was the age of..."
Oh, Mom... Shh!
Will you fix... Shh!
Oh, well, I got to wear
this to the dance. Shh!
Betty Jo's rehearsing for
the high school contest.
When is she going to
start going out with boys?
She's more
interested in winning.
Come on.
BETTY JO: "we had
everything before us.
"We were all going
direct to Heaven,
"we were all going
direct the other way.
In short, the period
was so like the present..."
"for good or for evil...
"superlative degree
of comparison alone.
"There was a king
with a large jaw
"and a queen with a plain
face on the throne of England.
"There was a king
with a large jaw
and a queen with
a bare face on..."
For crying out loud, why don't
you get your own earmuffs?
(growling)
For crying out loud...
"that some of its noisiest
authorities insisted on it
being received for
good or for evil..."
How can a feller sleep
with all that racket going on?
BETTY JO: "It was
clearer than crystal
"to the lords of the state
preserves of loaves and fishes,
"that things in general
were settled forever,
(hoarsely): "and that...
(clears throat) and that..."
I'm trying to take
a snooze, Betty Jo,
if you don't mind.
What's the matter?
(hoarsely): I lost my voice.
What?
(hoarsely): I lost my voice.
You ain't a-gonna win that
contest unless you talk up.
Betty Jo, why did you stop...?
Uncle Joe, let
Betty Jo practice.
Go ahead with
your speech, honey.
I can't.
I lost my voice.
Now Sarah Jane's
going to beat me.
Well, Uncle Joe's done it again.
I didn't do nothin'.
Well, Betty Jo lost her
voice when you walked in.
Yeah, but, I... No buts
about it, Uncle Joe.
You're a jinx.
I am not.
You are, too.
Now, just a second.
I don't like that kind of talk.
Well, Mom, let's face it.
Lately, all Uncle Joe has to do
is look at somebody and pow!
Disaster.
Well, he's nothing but
a big bundle of bad luck.
I'm lookin' at you
and nothin' happened.
Stick around.
Kate... Girls, Betty
Jo losing her voice
has nothing to do with bad luck.
She's just been
practicing too hard.
I have not.
Uncle Joe jinxed me.
You say that once more
and you're not only
going to lose your voice,
but your seating capacity.
If it wasn't for the fact
that we're related through
your mother, I'd sue you
for slandering my good
name, which ain't "jinx."
Now, you see?
You've hurt Uncle
Joe's feelings.
But I've gotta get
my voice back.
We'll get it back for you.
All you need to do is rest and
sip some hot water and honey.
Come on.
We ain't a-gonna deliver these.
You've got to.
We ain't a-gonna.
Now, we'll deliver
Newt Kiley's mail.
And Fred Ziffel's.
And Ben Miller's.
But we ain't taking
nothin' to the Shady Rest.
As long as Joe
the Jinx is there.
Look, you want to lose the
mail-delivering franchise?
Rather lose that than the train.
You don't have to stop.
Just throw the mail off.
No, thank you.
Look, as postmaster of
the Hooterville Post Office,
I order you to
deliver this mail.
I dare you to pull your
hat off and say that.
Do you know the motto of
the United States Post Office?
Yeah: "Don't steal the pens."
No.
I mean, "Neither rain,
nor sleet, nor dark of night
"can stay these couriers
from the swift completion
of their appointed rounds."
Aw, you're just making that up.
Take the mail.
Well, all right.
Floyd, let's appoint our
rounds and get it over with.
Oh, what's that
for, Mrs. Bradley?
A high school oratory contest.
Betty Jo won it
two years in a row.
Now, if she wins again,
she gets to keep it.
Oh, I hope she
does. (gentle laugh)
Did the mail get here yet?
Uh, Uncle Joe just
went down to get it.
I'm expecting a letter
with a nice, fat
bonus check in it
for those 12 orders I sent in.
Oh, well, good luck.
Get away, bad luck!
Give me the mail.
Get back! Get back!
Way back, out of voodoo range.
Gimme the mail!
Don't come any closer
or I'll let you have it.
Cut that out!
We're de-voodoo-izing you.
I ain't no voodoo.
If I was, I'd shrink your heads
down to the size of your brains.
You keep your evil
eye off of us, Joe.
Yeah, don't look at the train.
Give me that mail or I'll
complain to Washington.
Ain't they got enough
trouble without you?
Quick, fling the
letters to the dog!
(Floyd yells; clattering)
You all right?
He done it to me, Charley.
He fell out of the cab?
Wasn't my fault. I
didn't lay a hand on him.
Well, did he get hurt?
No, he fell on his head.
Thanks.
Here's a letter for
you, Mr. Harrington.
Oh, this is what
I've been waiting for.
(hoarse): Mom,
is there any mail...
Very funny.
There anything for me, Kate?
No.
Huh... "Mr. Dog,
Shady Rest Hotel."
Who could that be for?
(barks)
You?
(barking)
"Dear Mr. Dog, we received
"the coupon
requesting information
for our art
appreciation course."
Art appreciation?
(barks)
He's the one that's been chewing
the coupons out of my magazine.
MR. HARRINGTON: Oh, no.
What's wrong, Mr. Harrington?
I've been fired.
I thought you were going to
get a bonus for those orders.
They were all cancelled.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mr. Carson, you never should
have gone down for the mail.
Well, he always...
Kate, it isn't true.
Oh, of course it isn't.
Hi, Sam.
Hi. Getting ready
to roll the presses.
Oh. Is that this week's
Hooterville World Guardian?
Yup. Coming out right on time.
Two days late. (laughs)
I was, uh, holding the
front page for an extra.
An extra?
Yeah, an extra classified ad.
Mrs. Krendle thought
she'd sell her piano,
but she can't find the stool.
Well, is there any big news?
Well, I got a story about
the box factory in Pixley.
Oh, and Lem Waller sprained
his thumb milking his cow.
Yeah, they'll both be out of
action for a couple of weeks.
Joe wasn't over to see
Lem recently, was he?
Oh, now, Sam, you're not going
to start that nonsense, too?!
Oh, I was just teasing, Kate.
Well, it isn't funny.
Poor Uncle Joe...
He's getting blamed
for anything that
happens around here.
Yeah, there's nothing worse
than blind, ignorant
superstition.
Well, I'm glad to see you
have the sense to know that.
Yeah. You can say a lot of
obnoxious things about Joe,
but one thing he
ain't, and that's a jinx.
Thanks, Sam.
Well, that's okay, Joe. I...
(machine grinds and rumbles)
Now, Sam, I... Get
out of here, you jinx!
Sam!
Stay away from this train!
I'm going back to the hotel.
Not on this train.
These are Kate's groceries.
Well, put 'em down.
We'll put 'em aboard.
Put 'em down.
Well, pick 'em up.
Well, back away.
(laughs)
Serves you right.
I was looking at your evil eye.
You two fellas going steady?
I thought you were going to
put the, uh, groceries on the train.
Them two jokers
wouldn't let me get on.
You're darn right we won't.
What happened to your nose?
Same thing that happened
to my head, only worse.
(laughs)
Joe's barred from
the train for life.
Well, if he's barred,
I'm barred, too.
But Kate, you're not dangerous.
Joe is.
Either he rides,
or we both walk.
Well, all-all right.
He-He can ride.
All aboard for the
Cannonball's last trip.
This is interesting.
The Pixley box
factory is thinking
of moving to Hooterville.
Good for the town... make a
lot of jobs for a lot of people.
There ain't no quicker way
to ruin the economy of a
community than with jobs.
Yeah.
Work sure interferes
with those afternoon naps.
But don't worry, Uncle Joe.
Crabwell Corners is trying
to get the box
factory over there.
Crabwell Corners.
The biggest business they got
in that town's the Edsel Agency.
Can't you read any faster?
He can't even read
without moving his lips.
Well, maybe he'll improve
after he has his art
appreciation course.
Something wrong, Floyd?
Charley told me to keep
an eye on Hard Luck Harry.
Look, Floyd... (loud rumbling)
(squealing)
Well, Joe, you done it again.
FLOYD: Get off! Get off!
CHARLEY: While-While-While
we're in one piece.
I didn't do nothin'!
You were riding on
the train; that's enough.
It's the first time in years the
wheels have run off the track.
Wait a second, fellas.
Kate, he can't ride our train.
Who wants to? It ain't safe.
Now, Uncle Joe!
I'm walking!
You go with him.
Go on. Go with him.
Kate, I'm sorry, but
he's got us scared.
Boo!
Oh! (grunts)
Floyd, let's get this
thing back on the track.
(squealing)
Now, just hold
your horses, Arnold.
You'll get to wet your whistle.
There. Now, there you are.
Hiya, Fred.
Oh, hi, Joe.
That a new well?
Yeah. It needs more water.
Doris and me is figuring on
adding 50 more
pigs to our spread.
(slurping)
Arnold, Arnold,
watch your manners.
Pig sure is slurping
up a lot of water.
Oh, that ain't nothing, Joe.
You oughta see Doris after
she gets through plowing.
She... Hey, you're walking.
How come?
Oh, uh, it's such a nice day.
Oh.
Charley and Floyd
throwed you off the train?
What makes you think that?
Oh, I've heard
stories about you.
Well, they ain't true.
I know it.
I don't hold with people
who are able to jinx people.
Thanks, Fred.
No, if there's anything to that,
Doris and me would
never have been able
to stay married 40 years.
(laughing)
Your dog thirsty?
(barking)
By golly, he said
he was, didn't he?
Well, you can drink
out of Arnold's bucket.
I don't think he'll mind.
You know, that dog is
nearly as smart as Arnold?
(Arnold squeals)
Can I have a drink, too?
Sure you can, Joe.
And you gonna find
this is the coolest,
sweetest, purest
water you ever...
Hmm, that's funny.
Must've dried up.
Why, that well
goes down 60 feet.
(metal clanging)
You oughta try for 70.
Now, that water and that well
was all right until you come.
Get off my property, you jinx!
Don't you... Don't
you look at Arnold!
Get off my property!
Don't you worry, Arnold...
I won't let him jinx you.
Don't you worry, boy.
KATE: Uncle Joe?
No, it's us, Mom.
Betty Jo, you shouldn't be
out in the night
air with your throat.
Oh, it's fine, Mom.
It got better the
minute Uncle Joe left...
It got better the minute you
started the hot water and honey.
Now, you get
upstairs and go to bed.
Yes, ma'am.
"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times.
It was the age of wisdom..."
And save your
voice for the contest.
I will.
Have you seen any
sign of Uncle Joe?
Nope.
I wonder where he
could be. I'm real worried.
(gunshot in distance)
What was that?
It sounded like
Ben Miller's shotgun.
Well, I guess Uncle Joe
will be coming home soon.
Billie Jo, I will not have
you talking like that.
Uncle Joe is not a jinx.
Shake hands with "Jinx Carson."
What?
That's the name I'm
operating under from now on.
Oh.
Y-You, you come
with me, Uncle Joe.
I, uh, kept your
supper warm for you.
I ain't got time for supper.
I gotta write up some
advertising circulars.
If you'd rather get into bed,
I'll bring you up some hot soup.
But I don't want any soup.
Where's Billie Jo's typewriter?
I better not use it.
My fantastic jinxing
powers, it might fall apart.
Uncle Joe, why don't
you get into bed?
I'll put the handcar
on the tracks
and bring Dr. Stuart.
Kate, I'm not sick.
I don't need a doctor.
Look at me, what do you see?
A man that walked
too far in the hot sun.
You're looking at a
million dollars on the hoof.
Kate, I'm going into
the jinx business.
You don't know what a
wonderful day I've had.
First, I wreck the train,
then I stop by Newt Kiley's
and watch the wheel
fall off his tractor.
Then on to Fred Ziffel's,
where I had an exciting 10
minutes drying up a new well.
And less than a half hour later,
I stopped by Ben Miller's...
I heard a shotgun
blast from over there.
It's gonna take him a
month to rebuild his barn.
Uncle Joe!
Kate, with a series of fantastical,
disas-tri-ful events like that,
what other way is there to go,
except into the jinxing business?
Professional jinx?
He's even got a slogan.
"If you're looking for
trouble, call 'Joe the Jinx.'"
No.
He spent half the night
preparing an
advertising brochure...
Complete with rates.
You mean he's figuring on
charging for bringing bad luck?
Sundays and holidays,
time and a half.
Kate... That's not all.
He wants to hire
himself out to you fellas
at the Hooterville
Chamber of Commerce.
To do what?
To jinx Crabwell Corners
out of the box factory.
Kate, I hate to tell you this,
but you better reserve him a
room in the ding-a-ling factory.
I'm pretty worried, Sam.
Yeah.
How much is he figuring
on charging for this?
Twelve dollars.
Twelve dollars?!
Oh, poor Joe.
Well, he says it's worth 25.
But he figures that the word
of mouth advertising he'll get
will bring him enough
business to do it cut-rate.
I don't know about
that... but $12.
Hmm, still that's not,
that's not too bad a price, now,
to pay for getting the
box factory over here.
Sam!
You don't really think
Uncle Joe can bring
the box factory here.
Oh, of course not, Kate.
$12, huh?
You know, if you're
even considering this,
you're in worse
shape than Uncle Joe.
Yeah.
(chuckles)
What kind of guarantee
would he give?
I guarantee if you give him $12,
you'll be throwing
away good money.
Uncle Joe can't jinx anything,
anybody, anyplace, anytime.
Oh, Kate, I know he can't.
Well, I should hope so.
Jinx! (chuckles)
Get out! Out!
Sam!
What were we just talking about?
Oh, oh, I-I'm sorry.
Come on in, Joe.
Have a pickle.
Thanks.
Here's your $12, Joe.
Kate, if you wanna
observe, observe.
But don't interfere.
But I'm just wondering
who you were looking at.
The Chamber
President, Pip Winslow.
He's my prime target.
He's not in there.
Who's doing this job, you or me?
Kate, will you please...
Hi, Pip.
Joe... (stammers)...
How are you, Pip?
Fine, Kate.
Hooterville sent you over
to try to land the box factory?
Maybe they did and
maybe they didn't.
Well, if they did, you're
wasting your time.
Because Rogers the
manager is waiting for me
in my office to close the deal.
You're wasting your time.
Rogers ain't gonna
close the deal.
Drop over in a few weeks
and I'll give you a free box.
Looks like we got
here just in time.
Now or never.
Come on, let's get around
where we can get a
clear shot at the office.
How long you gonna do that?
Till I get my bad
luck warmed up.
What's Pip doing now?
He and Mr. Rogers are
looking over the blueprints.
I'm feeling pretty unlucky.
What's next? I start jinxing.
Just like that?
Don't you have to set
up a table or something?
What for?
Well, you're in business.
Shouldn't you have
some equipment?
Kate, it all comes from up here.
You don't carry
much of an inventory.
Kate, the only reason
I let you come along
is so you could tell Sam
that he got his $12-worth.
What are they
doing in there now?
They're laughing.
That's 'cause I ain't started.
Is that the usual procedure?
I gotta get the
right bad-luck angle.
They're still laughing.
That won't last long.
Kate, are you sure
you wanna watch this?
It can get pretty terrifying.
I'll try not to scream.
Once I've started,
there's no stopping me.
Now, stand back.
Riggity-rack!
Riggity-rex!
On Crabwell Corners,
put a double hex!
Take cover, Kate!
The desk still standing?
Still standing.
Maybe you better try
another bad luck angle.
Kate... I'm just trying to help.
Riggity-rack!
Riggity-rex!
On Crabwell Corners,
put a triple hex!
Take a look at the desk now.
Looks better now than before.
Wonder if the
altitude's the same
over in Crabwell Corners.
Whether it is or whether
it isn't, you better get busy.
They're gonna sign the contract!
Kate, the hex is working.
They're out of ink.
Fee-fum-fi-fo.
Bring Crabwell
Corners lots of woe.
The ink spilling all
over the contract?
Not on the contract.
Went all over their suits.
Rogers is probably
gonna blow the deal.
Nope.
Something must've happened.
Yep, they signed the contract.
What?!
Kate, I'm stuck!
Joe, you're stuck!
Here, let me get you out...
Fi-fo-fum-fee!
You'll need a hacksaw
to get you free!
Pull! Pull! Ooh, my
ear! Ooh, my ear!
And so Uncle Joe had
to give Sam back his $12,
plus paying the
plumber eight dollars
for sawing his
neck out of the bars.
But it was worth it.
Now we know
Uncle Joe isn't a jinx.
Well, it sure
seemed like he was.
Well, he isn't, so
the matter's closed.
Betty Jo, are you ready yet?
Be right down, Mom!
Sarah Jane here?
No, but she will be
in a few seconds.
You're supposed to
be at the high school
a half hour before
the contest starts.
Do you think Betty
Jo will win again?
I don't know; Sarah
Jane's pretty good.
How do I look, Mom?
Hmm...
Beautiful.
(Betty Jo sighing)
"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times.
"It was the age of wisdom.
It was the epic..."
(clears throat)
(hoarsely): "It was the ep..."
I lost my voice.
What was it you were
saying about Uncle Joe?
Uncle Joe isn't even here.
Well, then who? How?
Him!
How could you accuse such
a sweet, innocent little dog
of such a terrible thing?
But Mom, think,
every time Uncle Joe
was supposed to have
brought somebody bad luck,
the dog was with him.
Were you?
Except in Crabwell Corners,
where Uncle Joe could've used...
(hoarsely): But
what about my voice?
We'll get you some
hot water and honey.
But there isn't time!
Yes, there is. Come on.
SARAH JANE
(lilting): Betty Jo...!
It's Sarah Jane!
You two start the water boiling
and, uh, I'll keep her busy.
Okay, come on.
Good evening, Mrs. Bradley.
How are you, Sarah
Jane? Just fine.
You all ready for the contest?
Contest? Hah!
You don't really
think it'll be a contest.
Well, it's supposed
to be a contest.
If Betty Jo had a chance.
I've been, uh, taking
private elocution lessons.
Well, is that fair?
"All's fair in love and war."
You did say "all's fair in
love and war," didn't you?
Yes.
So, while you're waiting,
why don't you, uh,
pet Betty Jo's dog?
Like you said,
"All's fair in love and war."
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
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Filmways Presentation.