Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 2, Episode 23 - A Borderline Story - full transcript
Always on the lookout for a way to make money, when Uncle Joe finds out the Shady Rest property is located on the border of two counties, he decides there has to be a tourist attraction in that situation.
Surveyor's reveal a surprise...
that a land study indicates
the Shady Rest is
straddling the county border.
Is that bad?
Not according to Uncle
Joe who figures on promoting
the hotel's dual location as
a surefire tourist attraction.
How will he do it?
Well, stay tuned for
"A Borderline Story."
(train whistle blows)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
How are you?
Uh, fine.
Uh, would you mind?
Looking for something?
Nope.
Work for the railroad?
No.
Agricultural department?
No.
Oh, then you're with the, uh...
We're with the county
surveying department.
Guess you're surveying
something for the county, huh?
That is a fair assumption.
Water main?
Suspension bridge?
We don't need no water
main or suspension bridge.
What we really need's a road.
That what you're
surveying, a road?
Look, mister, if you
want any information,
you'll have to talk
to the supervisor.
Kate! Kate!
Oh, Uncle Joe, I need some
wood chopped for the stove.
Kate, never mind the wood.
Look, I got to cook dinner.
What would be the greatest thing
that could ever happen
to the Shady Rest?
You're moving out?
I-I'll put it to you
another way.
I like it that way.
Kate, the county's gonna put
a road right by our front door.
What?
There's two-two surveyors
down by the tracks
working on it right this minute.
Well, did they tell you they
were surveying for a road?
Of course not.
They wouldn't say
anything when I asked them.
Well, what makes you
think they're gonna build it?
Well, if they'd have told me
they were gonna build a road,
I'd have known they weren't.
Uncle Joe, you better
lie down till you feel better.
Kate, we haven't
any time for resting.
I got to figure out some
signs to put along the road
to advertise the
Shady Rest Motel.
You did say "motel?"
Yeah.
Kate, I got some
great ideas for signs...
Real eye-catchers.
They'll make the
itinerant motorist
stop short and drive in.
Like, "Old-fashioned
accommodations
with modern prices."
Oh, that's a real break jammer.
"Every room with a
view of the bathroom."
Oh, I think you
better clear that
with the road department first.
And we're gonna need something
to tickle the motoring
public's appetite,
make it sound like we
got good cooking here.
(chuckles)
Any kind word will help.
How about a catchy
little jingle like,
"No sense in speeding when
you could be inside feeding."
It's got something, but I
wouldn't care to say what.
You, uh, mind if I try one?
"Roses are red, wood is brown,
you better chop some
or move into town."
I've rechecked my
figures three times.
I don't know how a mistake
like this could've happened.
You know, when
you come to think of it,
it's pretty funny.
(laughs)
I hope Mrs. Bradley thinks so.
Would you mind telling
me that again, Mr. Craig?
Well, the county policy is to
do a new survey every 25 years.
Well, today...
Just-just-just the last part.
Well, when we
checked our figures
against the previous survey,
we found that...
Just the last part.
Well, what it boils down
to is that the boundary line
between Hooterville
County and Pixley County
runs right through the
center of your hotel.
Right through the center?
Yes.
The line is about here.
Right now, you're in Pixley.
Now I'm in Pixley?
Yes.
And now I'm in Hooterville.
Exactly.
Pixley, Hooterville.
Right.
It's only an imaginary
line on a map.
Uh, actually, you're still
living in the same place.
Well, I'm certainly glad.
I've lived all my life
in Hooterville County,
and I like it here.
I mean, here!
Well, that's understandable.
Say, I-I have to
get back to work.
Well, thanks for
telling me, Mr. Craig.
I'm just glad you're
not angry with us.
Oh, why should I be angry
when everything's the same?
Oh, everything's the
same, except, uh...
Uh, Hooterville, Pixley.
Right.
Good-bye, Mrs. Bradley.
Good-bye, Mr. Craig.
Hooterville.
Pixley.
Hooterville, Pixley.
(brakes squealing)
Was a mistake, huh?
Mm-hmm.
Hooterville, Pixley.
No road?
No road. Oh.
You know, I'm kind of sorry.
I liked a couple of those
signs you thought up.
Now I'm gonna have to think up
a whole batch of new ones.
What for?
Kate, don't you realize?
This is the greatest thing
that ever happened to you.
It's better than a road.
Why, you're like
that hotel in California
that the Nevada border runs
right through the middle of.
One of the greatest tourist
attractions in the country.
People come from all around
to indulge in such bi-state sports
as taking a bath in California
and then drying
themselves in Nevada.
I could see where that
would attract a big crowd.
We're gonna attract
them here, Kate.
You're gonna make a million.
The commercial
possibilities is unlimited.
We can take pictures
of folks standing
with one foot in Hooterville
and one in Pixley.
Then we'll take trick shots
of a fella standing in Pixley
shaking hands with
himself in Hooterville.
Uncle Joe, it's just
an imaginary line.
(all scream)
ALL: Mother!
Goodness!
What's the matter?
What's all this?
That's just an
imaginary li... (screams)
How can a fella
paint a straight line
with all this
screaming going on?
Uncle Joe... How
do you like it, Kate?
What have you done?
Divided you up
into untold posterity.
Get that off the rug.
But the... Bah, off.
Well, if you didn't want
it, you should've spoke up
a half hour ago,
before it soaked in.
If I had known what you were
going to do half an hour ago,
you would've been
out of here an hour ago.
Would somebody please
tell us what's going on?
Well, that's simple.
I'm just painting an
imaginary county line
through the middle of the hotel.
Should've been done years
ago, due to a mistake in a survey.
A county line?
Yes.
Hooterville, Pixley.
Hooterville? Pixley?
Right. Oh.
Oh, Kate, you're
gonna have to order
some new stationery
to match the new sign.
Twin County Hotel? Yeah.
I was gonna call it
the Hooter-Pix Hotel.
But the "Hooter" would've
been on the "Pix" side,
and the "Pix" would have
been on the "Hooter" side.
Bye.
Say, you girls be
careful going upstairs.
That paint's still wet on the
line I painted down the hallway.
You mean, Hooterville,
Pixley in the upper hallway?!
Yeah.
(chuckles)
You know something, Uncle Joe?
It just isn't fair for you to be
doing all this work by yourself.
Let me help you.
That's real nice of you, Kate.
(chuckles)
Yeah.
Hey!
Now let's decide where
I'm gonna kick you,
Hooterville or Pixley!
(people chattering)
This is a miracle.
We've never done such business.
I told you, Kate.
I got a couple of other ideas...
No, no, no, please.
Let's leave well
enough alone, shall we?
Excuse me.
Good evening, sir.
You want to register
in Hooterville or Pixley?
We've got only a double
room in Hooterville.
But you can sleep
in Pixley tonight,
and we'll move you
over in the morning.
Oh. (laughs)
I'm not looking for a room.
Oh, just want supper, huh?
Well, we're pushing
beef stew tonight
on both sides of the line.
I've already had supper.
Oh. Would you like to
have your picture taken
straddling two counties?
Got a special deal on.
Half in color on
one side of the line,
black and white
on the other half.
Or you can
straddle in full color
for only ten cents extra.
I'm sorry, I didn't want to
have my picture taken, either.
Well, look, mister,
right now we're catering
to the cash customers.
You non-buying curiosity
seekers will be welcome later on.
Joe.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What can I do
for you, Mr., uh...
Uh, Travis. Mr. Travis.
Yes, I'm with the Pixley
County licensing division.
Uh-huh. I wonder if I
might see your hotel license.
Huh, there it is.
Paid and up to date.
(chuckles): Yes.
That's-that's for
Hooterville County.
May I see your
Pixley County license?
I don't have one.
Oh, you haven't?
What would I need one for?
Well, some of your rooms are on
the Pixley side of the
hotel, are they not?
Yes. Six of them, but...
Uh, public lodging
law number 12:
"Any establishment which offers
its rooms for public occupancy
must be duly licensed."
I'll give you an
application to fill out.
Yours the same as
Hooterville, ten dollars?
That's right.
Well, if I got to get
one, I got to get one.
Of course, that's for hotels
that have been in business
for at least two or more years.
Well, the Shady Rest has
been operating for over 50 years.
Seven, eight, nine... (chuckles)
In-in Hooterville. That's right.
Oh, then I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to have you fill out a 622.
Now, that's a license
we issue to all new hotels.
But this isn't new.
It wasn't here two days ago.
Oh, yes, it was.
It was over there.
But now it's part
there and part here.
I'm sorry, it's county
ordinance number 918.
Of course... Uh, please.
Never mind 918.
How much is 622?
Uh, that's $125.
What?!
By the way, which side
of the hotel do you live on?
Hooterville.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I-I've made an error.
Huh, I thought so.
Yes.
The license for
out-of-county residents
is, uh, $165.
$165.
Uh, that-that's an 821.
What would happen
if I moved over
to the Pixley side of the hotel?
Oh, well, now in that case,
your license would
only be, um, $125.
It's a little better.
Of course you know that all
new residents to the county
are subject to a $100
school board tax assessment.
Then I'd be better off
staying in Hooterville
and buying an
out-of-county license.
Oh, infinitely, yes, yes.
(chuckles)
Of course now that...
Oh, please, no
more "of courses."
Mr. Travis, I can't pay you
the in-county license
or the out-county license.
Well, in that case,
yes, in that case,
you're liable to a $2,000
fine or one year in jail.
Now, whichever you choose,
you'll find us very easy
to do business with.
(chuckles)
(chuckles)
Well, there's no hurry.
We'll give you all the time
you need to raise the money.
See you in two or three days.
Finally get rid of
the cheapskate?
Uh-huh.
Uncle Joe, if you
were given your choice
as to whether you
would pay a $2,000 fine
or spend a year in jail,
which would you take?
Spend a year in jail.
We'll keep a light burning
in the window for you.
And so, what I
would like to know is
would it be better
to pay the $165
for the Pixley hotel license
as a resident of Hooterville
or move over to the Pixley
side of the hotel, pay $125
plus a new resident
$100 school assessment?
Would you mind
repeating the question?
Would it be better if I
paid a hundred and...
Sam!
No, Kate. Of course
you'd be better off
in plain dollars and
cents staying in Hooterville
and paying the Pixley
out-of-county license fee.
Well, that's what I thought.
Yeah. Of course,
living in Hooterville
and operating a
business in Pixley
makes you liable for
a Hooterville County
out-of-county tax.
How much is that?
If I remember correctly,
that comes to half
the licensing fee
of the the out-of-county county
plus an additional
fee for transferring title
of the Hooterville
part of the hotel
that now resides in Pixley.
Out-of-county county.
How much does that come to?
Uh, $235.
But that's $10 more
than I'd have to pay
if I moved to Pixley.
And, of course, moving
out of Hooterville County
means you're going
to lose the prestige of...
Wait, wait, wait.
Uh, prestige address.
Not only that, you're going
to have to get all your mail
at the Pixley post office
which puts you in a
higher parcel post zone.
Well, then, I'd be
better off to pay the $10
and hang on to Hooterville.
No doubt about it at all, Kate.
But, Sam, this is ridiculous.
I can't afford all these fees.
Well, Kate, you
got to look at it
from the business standpoint.
After all, it's an investment.
You-You wouldn't have
been earning that money
if you hadn't been subdivided.
Look, I wouldn't
mind if I was sure
that was all I was
going to have to put out.
Kate, I'm positive
your problems are over.
Mrs. Bradley?
Yes, sir. What can I do for you?
I'm with the Pixley
County Health Department.
Health Department?
Uh, nothing wrong, Mrs. Bradley.
I inspected the, uh,
Pixley side of the hotel
and found everything
in apple pie order.
Oh, thank goodness.
Of course, uh...
Of course, all six
rooms on the Pixley side
are not fit for human occupancy.
Well, my room's on the
Pixley side and I'm human.
Not according to the
Pixley Health Department.
Well, I don't
understand that at all.
All right.
Hoe many bathrooms do we have?
One.
Where is it?
On the Hooterville side.
Well, according to
the Pixley health code,
you got to have one
bathroom for every six rooms
and since the bathroom
is in Hooterville,
Pixley doesn't have any.
Are you going to build
another bathroom?
You know what that costs?
I got an idea.
Why don't we put
the bathtub on wheels
and every Saturday night,
we'll roll it back and forth.
Occupied or unoccupied?
Unoccupied, of course.
Oh, well, good.
Otherwise we might have to pay
an intercounty amusement tax.
And another thing.
We got to close up the Pixley
side of the dining room table
But why?
Because the kitchen
is in Hooterville.
And according to the
Pixley health department,
you cannot prepare
food in one county
and consume it in another.
What next?
A fella left this
paper for you, Kate.
(chuckling)
A summons to appear in
the Pixley Municipal Court.
Mom, what did you do?
I didn't do anything. He did.
He was running around Pixley
with a Hooterville license.
What?
It ain't nothing to worry about.
They'll let him off light.
He can plead insanity.
(growling)
That's what I was
figuring on pleading.
The Pixley Building Department.
That's right, Mrs. Bradley.
I've been looking
around the hotel...
Get to the, "of course..."
Pardon?
"Of course," I'll
have to do what?
Oh, well, of course... Aha.
The construction on what is
now the Pixley side of the hotel
is not up to the standards
of the Pixley building code.
Well, it was up to the
Hooterville standards.
Hooterville? (laughing)
Backward little county.
Now, see here.
I was born and
raised in Hooterville
and I happen to be
a Hooterville resident.
Doesn't make any difference.
As long as you make
the proper alterations
to conform with the Pixley code.
Like what?
Well, uh, shall we
start with the walls?
Might as well.
Very well.
The, uh, studs are
18 inches apart.
Our code calls for a
minimum distance of 12 inches.
Now, the floors are very...
Uh-uh-uh, could I ask
a question, Mr. Dixon?
Yes, ma'am.
What would happen
if I would wall off
the Pixley side of the hotel?
No problem, as long as the
studs are 12 inches apart.
No, I mean, wall it
off and never use it.
Oh, you mean, abandon it?
Uh-huh.
Well, I don't see why you can't.
BOTH: Of course...
You're familiar
with Pixley County
Land Improvement Ordinance #38?
Oh, that's one I
haven't run into.
Well, it provides that anyone
who wishes to abandon a dwelling
must post a bond equal to
the cost of restoring the site
upon which the dwelling reposed
to its former natural beauty.
Oh.
I'd like to ask another
question. Yes, ma'am?
What would happen if I
would pick up that pail of water
and just let you have it?
You wouldn't want to do a
thing like that, Mrs. Bradley.
Public Ordinance #38
specifically prohibits anyone
from assaulting a county officer
in the performance of his duty.
Oh, you mean, in Pixley.
That's right.
Pixley Ordinance 38?
Yeah.
(gasping)
(groaning)
See you around Hooterville.
JOE: Kate, I just added
up yesterday's receipts.
We took in 85 cents
from the two county
picture taking concession,
$3.75 for two
Hooterville dinners,
and a dime on a Pixley postcard.
That makes a
grand total of $4.75,
of which $2.90 is clear profit.
$2.90?
Uncle Joe, do you
know what the estimate is
for rebuilding the Pixley side
conforming to the building code?
$1,222.
Floyd and Charley could
do it for less than $100.
They could, they could.
But they happen
to live in Hooterville
and there's a $1,500 fine
for using non-Pixley
labor on a Pixley job.
Well, a thousand
some odd dollars
ain't so bad for all that work.
It might not be,
except that the estimate
for redoing the Hooterville side
is $2,500 some odd dollars.
Why do we have to re-do that?
'Cause the Hooterville
building code provides
that any dwelling rebuilt
according to Pixley standards
has got to be better
on the Hooterville side.
Well, once we
get it all rebuilt,
then your problems are over.
My problems were
supposed to be over
when I took out a
Pixley hotel license.
What else could happen?
BETTY JO: Mom? Mom?
I don't know,
but I think it has.
Mom!
Mom.
(crying)
Who hit you?
Nobody.
What are you crying for?
I'm going to be
thrown out of school.
Who did you hit?
Nobody.
I'm going to be thrown
out of Hooterville High
because I live in Pixley.
No, you don't.
My room is in Pixley.
Oh, my whole life is ruined
just because I live on
the wrong side of a line.
No, no.
Our problems are over, huh?
That ain't no problem.
Well, it is if you're
going to be taken away
from your lifelong friends.
You can still go
to Hooterville High.
All we got to do
is move you over
to the other side of the hotel.
Billie Jo, now that
you're out of high school,
you move over to the Pixley side
and let Betty Jo have your room.
Mom, I can't!
(crying)
Quiet. Why not?
Don't you remember?
I'm the Hooterville
representative
in the state shorthand contest.
If I move to Pixley,
I'll be eliminated.
(both crying)
Please.
Bobbie Jo, why don't...
Oh, Mom, if I move into Pixley,
then I'll have to transfer
from Hooterville High School
and you know I want to go
to school with all my friends.
(girls crying)
I don't want to go to Pixley.
And I don't want
to be eliminated.
Quiet!
You girls ought to be
ashamed of yourselves,
worrying over little things
like what school
you're going to attend
when your mother is
on the road to millions.
Kate, a fella just came in
and ordered a 50 cent half
color picture of himself standing...
Uncle Joe, how would you like
to take a full
color picture of me
half in Pixley,
half in Hooterville,
and half out of my mind?
(girls crying)
You know, a week ago, I woke up
and the sun was shining
and the birds were singing
and the hotel was
quiet and empty
and then Mr. Craig walked in
and said two words.
"Hooterville, Pixley."
And that's when the dam broke.
Maybe you ought to
switch to cream soda.
$1,000 to rebuild the
Pixley side of the hotel.
$2,500 to rebuild the
Hooterville side of the hotel.
I got to buy two hotel licenses.
I got to put in
another bathroom.
The dog is a
wanted man in Pixley.
And they're going
to throw Betty Jo
out of Hooterville High School.
I tell you, Sam.
That's as far as they're
going to push me.
I'm going to put my foot down.
Good for you, Kate.
You got to draw
the line somewhere.
Oh, uh, sorry.
Sam, isn't there
anybody, anyone,
anything, any any can help me?
Kate, if it was just
Hooterville County,
I might be able to do something.
I have a little influence here,
but I don't have any
pull at all in Pixley.
And that's what I
need... a little pull.
No!
What I need is a lot of pull!
Kate, ain't there any other kind
of pull you can think of?
This is it.
Don't know if we
can do it. Oh...
The Wright brothers never
knew if they was related
until they invented
the airplane.
Is that a fact?
Read your history book.
Go get up steam.
We'll sure give her
a good try, Kate.
Thanks, Charley.
Signal when you're ready, huh?
Okay.
Get ready!
Get ready!
Get ready!
Ready!
Ready.
Ready!
Ready!
Here we go.
(wood creaking)
Easy!
Easy!
(creaking)
(shattering)
Them cucumbers is murder...
(creaking)
Easy, Charley. Easy!
(clattering)
Mmm. Kate's pie
crust is getting better.
Come back.
Come back!
We must be going 60.
Hardly feels like
we're pulling a hotel.
We ain't!
(brakes screeching)
But, Kate...
And when you're through
scrubbing the lobby,
you can go in the dining room,
scrub the line off
the dining room table,
and then go upstairs
and scrub that one, too.
Kate, what if you changed
your mind someday
and wanted to move
the hotel back to Pixley?
This hotel is staying
right where it is
and nothing short of an
earthquake is going to move it.
(rumbling)
Quick, everybody around
to the Pixley side and push!
Women... strictly
one-county thinkers.
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.
that a land study indicates
the Shady Rest is
straddling the county border.
Is that bad?
Not according to Uncle
Joe who figures on promoting
the hotel's dual location as
a surefire tourist attraction.
How will he do it?
Well, stay tuned for
"A Borderline Story."
(train whistle blows)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
How are you?
Uh, fine.
Uh, would you mind?
Looking for something?
Nope.
Work for the railroad?
No.
Agricultural department?
No.
Oh, then you're with the, uh...
We're with the county
surveying department.
Guess you're surveying
something for the county, huh?
That is a fair assumption.
Water main?
Suspension bridge?
We don't need no water
main or suspension bridge.
What we really need's a road.
That what you're
surveying, a road?
Look, mister, if you
want any information,
you'll have to talk
to the supervisor.
Kate! Kate!
Oh, Uncle Joe, I need some
wood chopped for the stove.
Kate, never mind the wood.
Look, I got to cook dinner.
What would be the greatest thing
that could ever happen
to the Shady Rest?
You're moving out?
I-I'll put it to you
another way.
I like it that way.
Kate, the county's gonna put
a road right by our front door.
What?
There's two-two surveyors
down by the tracks
working on it right this minute.
Well, did they tell you they
were surveying for a road?
Of course not.
They wouldn't say
anything when I asked them.
Well, what makes you
think they're gonna build it?
Well, if they'd have told me
they were gonna build a road,
I'd have known they weren't.
Uncle Joe, you better
lie down till you feel better.
Kate, we haven't
any time for resting.
I got to figure out some
signs to put along the road
to advertise the
Shady Rest Motel.
You did say "motel?"
Yeah.
Kate, I got some
great ideas for signs...
Real eye-catchers.
They'll make the
itinerant motorist
stop short and drive in.
Like, "Old-fashioned
accommodations
with modern prices."
Oh, that's a real break jammer.
"Every room with a
view of the bathroom."
Oh, I think you
better clear that
with the road department first.
And we're gonna need something
to tickle the motoring
public's appetite,
make it sound like we
got good cooking here.
(chuckles)
Any kind word will help.
How about a catchy
little jingle like,
"No sense in speeding when
you could be inside feeding."
It's got something, but I
wouldn't care to say what.
You, uh, mind if I try one?
"Roses are red, wood is brown,
you better chop some
or move into town."
I've rechecked my
figures three times.
I don't know how a mistake
like this could've happened.
You know, when
you come to think of it,
it's pretty funny.
(laughs)
I hope Mrs. Bradley thinks so.
Would you mind telling
me that again, Mr. Craig?
Well, the county policy is to
do a new survey every 25 years.
Well, today...
Just-just-just the last part.
Well, when we
checked our figures
against the previous survey,
we found that...
Just the last part.
Well, what it boils down
to is that the boundary line
between Hooterville
County and Pixley County
runs right through the
center of your hotel.
Right through the center?
Yes.
The line is about here.
Right now, you're in Pixley.
Now I'm in Pixley?
Yes.
And now I'm in Hooterville.
Exactly.
Pixley, Hooterville.
Right.
It's only an imaginary
line on a map.
Uh, actually, you're still
living in the same place.
Well, I'm certainly glad.
I've lived all my life
in Hooterville County,
and I like it here.
I mean, here!
Well, that's understandable.
Say, I-I have to
get back to work.
Well, thanks for
telling me, Mr. Craig.
I'm just glad you're
not angry with us.
Oh, why should I be angry
when everything's the same?
Oh, everything's the
same, except, uh...
Uh, Hooterville, Pixley.
Right.
Good-bye, Mrs. Bradley.
Good-bye, Mr. Craig.
Hooterville.
Pixley.
Hooterville, Pixley.
(brakes squealing)
Was a mistake, huh?
Mm-hmm.
Hooterville, Pixley.
No road?
No road. Oh.
You know, I'm kind of sorry.
I liked a couple of those
signs you thought up.
Now I'm gonna have to think up
a whole batch of new ones.
What for?
Kate, don't you realize?
This is the greatest thing
that ever happened to you.
It's better than a road.
Why, you're like
that hotel in California
that the Nevada border runs
right through the middle of.
One of the greatest tourist
attractions in the country.
People come from all around
to indulge in such bi-state sports
as taking a bath in California
and then drying
themselves in Nevada.
I could see where that
would attract a big crowd.
We're gonna attract
them here, Kate.
You're gonna make a million.
The commercial
possibilities is unlimited.
We can take pictures
of folks standing
with one foot in Hooterville
and one in Pixley.
Then we'll take trick shots
of a fella standing in Pixley
shaking hands with
himself in Hooterville.
Uncle Joe, it's just
an imaginary line.
(all scream)
ALL: Mother!
Goodness!
What's the matter?
What's all this?
That's just an
imaginary li... (screams)
How can a fella
paint a straight line
with all this
screaming going on?
Uncle Joe... How
do you like it, Kate?
What have you done?
Divided you up
into untold posterity.
Get that off the rug.
But the... Bah, off.
Well, if you didn't want
it, you should've spoke up
a half hour ago,
before it soaked in.
If I had known what you were
going to do half an hour ago,
you would've been
out of here an hour ago.
Would somebody please
tell us what's going on?
Well, that's simple.
I'm just painting an
imaginary county line
through the middle of the hotel.
Should've been done years
ago, due to a mistake in a survey.
A county line?
Yes.
Hooterville, Pixley.
Hooterville? Pixley?
Right. Oh.
Oh, Kate, you're
gonna have to order
some new stationery
to match the new sign.
Twin County Hotel? Yeah.
I was gonna call it
the Hooter-Pix Hotel.
But the "Hooter" would've
been on the "Pix" side,
and the "Pix" would have
been on the "Hooter" side.
Bye.
Say, you girls be
careful going upstairs.
That paint's still wet on the
line I painted down the hallway.
You mean, Hooterville,
Pixley in the upper hallway?!
Yeah.
(chuckles)
You know something, Uncle Joe?
It just isn't fair for you to be
doing all this work by yourself.
Let me help you.
That's real nice of you, Kate.
(chuckles)
Yeah.
Hey!
Now let's decide where
I'm gonna kick you,
Hooterville or Pixley!
(people chattering)
This is a miracle.
We've never done such business.
I told you, Kate.
I got a couple of other ideas...
No, no, no, please.
Let's leave well
enough alone, shall we?
Excuse me.
Good evening, sir.
You want to register
in Hooterville or Pixley?
We've got only a double
room in Hooterville.
But you can sleep
in Pixley tonight,
and we'll move you
over in the morning.
Oh. (laughs)
I'm not looking for a room.
Oh, just want supper, huh?
Well, we're pushing
beef stew tonight
on both sides of the line.
I've already had supper.
Oh. Would you like to
have your picture taken
straddling two counties?
Got a special deal on.
Half in color on
one side of the line,
black and white
on the other half.
Or you can
straddle in full color
for only ten cents extra.
I'm sorry, I didn't want to
have my picture taken, either.
Well, look, mister,
right now we're catering
to the cash customers.
You non-buying curiosity
seekers will be welcome later on.
Joe.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What can I do
for you, Mr., uh...
Uh, Travis. Mr. Travis.
Yes, I'm with the Pixley
County licensing division.
Uh-huh. I wonder if I
might see your hotel license.
Huh, there it is.
Paid and up to date.
(chuckles): Yes.
That's-that's for
Hooterville County.
May I see your
Pixley County license?
I don't have one.
Oh, you haven't?
What would I need one for?
Well, some of your rooms are on
the Pixley side of the
hotel, are they not?
Yes. Six of them, but...
Uh, public lodging
law number 12:
"Any establishment which offers
its rooms for public occupancy
must be duly licensed."
I'll give you an
application to fill out.
Yours the same as
Hooterville, ten dollars?
That's right.
Well, if I got to get
one, I got to get one.
Of course, that's for hotels
that have been in business
for at least two or more years.
Well, the Shady Rest has
been operating for over 50 years.
Seven, eight, nine... (chuckles)
In-in Hooterville. That's right.
Oh, then I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to have you fill out a 622.
Now, that's a license
we issue to all new hotels.
But this isn't new.
It wasn't here two days ago.
Oh, yes, it was.
It was over there.
But now it's part
there and part here.
I'm sorry, it's county
ordinance number 918.
Of course... Uh, please.
Never mind 918.
How much is 622?
Uh, that's $125.
What?!
By the way, which side
of the hotel do you live on?
Hooterville.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I-I've made an error.
Huh, I thought so.
Yes.
The license for
out-of-county residents
is, uh, $165.
$165.
Uh, that-that's an 821.
What would happen
if I moved over
to the Pixley side of the hotel?
Oh, well, now in that case,
your license would
only be, um, $125.
It's a little better.
Of course you know that all
new residents to the county
are subject to a $100
school board tax assessment.
Then I'd be better off
staying in Hooterville
and buying an
out-of-county license.
Oh, infinitely, yes, yes.
(chuckles)
Of course now that...
Oh, please, no
more "of courses."
Mr. Travis, I can't pay you
the in-county license
or the out-county license.
Well, in that case,
yes, in that case,
you're liable to a $2,000
fine or one year in jail.
Now, whichever you choose,
you'll find us very easy
to do business with.
(chuckles)
(chuckles)
Well, there's no hurry.
We'll give you all the time
you need to raise the money.
See you in two or three days.
Finally get rid of
the cheapskate?
Uh-huh.
Uncle Joe, if you
were given your choice
as to whether you
would pay a $2,000 fine
or spend a year in jail,
which would you take?
Spend a year in jail.
We'll keep a light burning
in the window for you.
And so, what I
would like to know is
would it be better
to pay the $165
for the Pixley hotel license
as a resident of Hooterville
or move over to the Pixley
side of the hotel, pay $125
plus a new resident
$100 school assessment?
Would you mind
repeating the question?
Would it be better if I
paid a hundred and...
Sam!
No, Kate. Of course
you'd be better off
in plain dollars and
cents staying in Hooterville
and paying the Pixley
out-of-county license fee.
Well, that's what I thought.
Yeah. Of course,
living in Hooterville
and operating a
business in Pixley
makes you liable for
a Hooterville County
out-of-county tax.
How much is that?
If I remember correctly,
that comes to half
the licensing fee
of the the out-of-county county
plus an additional
fee for transferring title
of the Hooterville
part of the hotel
that now resides in Pixley.
Out-of-county county.
How much does that come to?
Uh, $235.
But that's $10 more
than I'd have to pay
if I moved to Pixley.
And, of course, moving
out of Hooterville County
means you're going
to lose the prestige of...
Wait, wait, wait.
Uh, prestige address.
Not only that, you're going
to have to get all your mail
at the Pixley post office
which puts you in a
higher parcel post zone.
Well, then, I'd be
better off to pay the $10
and hang on to Hooterville.
No doubt about it at all, Kate.
But, Sam, this is ridiculous.
I can't afford all these fees.
Well, Kate, you
got to look at it
from the business standpoint.
After all, it's an investment.
You-You wouldn't have
been earning that money
if you hadn't been subdivided.
Look, I wouldn't
mind if I was sure
that was all I was
going to have to put out.
Kate, I'm positive
your problems are over.
Mrs. Bradley?
Yes, sir. What can I do for you?
I'm with the Pixley
County Health Department.
Health Department?
Uh, nothing wrong, Mrs. Bradley.
I inspected the, uh,
Pixley side of the hotel
and found everything
in apple pie order.
Oh, thank goodness.
Of course, uh...
Of course, all six
rooms on the Pixley side
are not fit for human occupancy.
Well, my room's on the
Pixley side and I'm human.
Not according to the
Pixley Health Department.
Well, I don't
understand that at all.
All right.
Hoe many bathrooms do we have?
One.
Where is it?
On the Hooterville side.
Well, according to
the Pixley health code,
you got to have one
bathroom for every six rooms
and since the bathroom
is in Hooterville,
Pixley doesn't have any.
Are you going to build
another bathroom?
You know what that costs?
I got an idea.
Why don't we put
the bathtub on wheels
and every Saturday night,
we'll roll it back and forth.
Occupied or unoccupied?
Unoccupied, of course.
Oh, well, good.
Otherwise we might have to pay
an intercounty amusement tax.
And another thing.
We got to close up the Pixley
side of the dining room table
But why?
Because the kitchen
is in Hooterville.
And according to the
Pixley health department,
you cannot prepare
food in one county
and consume it in another.
What next?
A fella left this
paper for you, Kate.
(chuckling)
A summons to appear in
the Pixley Municipal Court.
Mom, what did you do?
I didn't do anything. He did.
He was running around Pixley
with a Hooterville license.
What?
It ain't nothing to worry about.
They'll let him off light.
He can plead insanity.
(growling)
That's what I was
figuring on pleading.
The Pixley Building Department.
That's right, Mrs. Bradley.
I've been looking
around the hotel...
Get to the, "of course..."
Pardon?
"Of course," I'll
have to do what?
Oh, well, of course... Aha.
The construction on what is
now the Pixley side of the hotel
is not up to the standards
of the Pixley building code.
Well, it was up to the
Hooterville standards.
Hooterville? (laughing)
Backward little county.
Now, see here.
I was born and
raised in Hooterville
and I happen to be
a Hooterville resident.
Doesn't make any difference.
As long as you make
the proper alterations
to conform with the Pixley code.
Like what?
Well, uh, shall we
start with the walls?
Might as well.
Very well.
The, uh, studs are
18 inches apart.
Our code calls for a
minimum distance of 12 inches.
Now, the floors are very...
Uh-uh-uh, could I ask
a question, Mr. Dixon?
Yes, ma'am.
What would happen
if I would wall off
the Pixley side of the hotel?
No problem, as long as the
studs are 12 inches apart.
No, I mean, wall it
off and never use it.
Oh, you mean, abandon it?
Uh-huh.
Well, I don't see why you can't.
BOTH: Of course...
You're familiar
with Pixley County
Land Improvement Ordinance #38?
Oh, that's one I
haven't run into.
Well, it provides that anyone
who wishes to abandon a dwelling
must post a bond equal to
the cost of restoring the site
upon which the dwelling reposed
to its former natural beauty.
Oh.
I'd like to ask another
question. Yes, ma'am?
What would happen if I
would pick up that pail of water
and just let you have it?
You wouldn't want to do a
thing like that, Mrs. Bradley.
Public Ordinance #38
specifically prohibits anyone
from assaulting a county officer
in the performance of his duty.
Oh, you mean, in Pixley.
That's right.
Pixley Ordinance 38?
Yeah.
(gasping)
(groaning)
See you around Hooterville.
JOE: Kate, I just added
up yesterday's receipts.
We took in 85 cents
from the two county
picture taking concession,
$3.75 for two
Hooterville dinners,
and a dime on a Pixley postcard.
That makes a
grand total of $4.75,
of which $2.90 is clear profit.
$2.90?
Uncle Joe, do you
know what the estimate is
for rebuilding the Pixley side
conforming to the building code?
$1,222.
Floyd and Charley could
do it for less than $100.
They could, they could.
But they happen
to live in Hooterville
and there's a $1,500 fine
for using non-Pixley
labor on a Pixley job.
Well, a thousand
some odd dollars
ain't so bad for all that work.
It might not be,
except that the estimate
for redoing the Hooterville side
is $2,500 some odd dollars.
Why do we have to re-do that?
'Cause the Hooterville
building code provides
that any dwelling rebuilt
according to Pixley standards
has got to be better
on the Hooterville side.
Well, once we
get it all rebuilt,
then your problems are over.
My problems were
supposed to be over
when I took out a
Pixley hotel license.
What else could happen?
BETTY JO: Mom? Mom?
I don't know,
but I think it has.
Mom!
Mom.
(crying)
Who hit you?
Nobody.
What are you crying for?
I'm going to be
thrown out of school.
Who did you hit?
Nobody.
I'm going to be thrown
out of Hooterville High
because I live in Pixley.
No, you don't.
My room is in Pixley.
Oh, my whole life is ruined
just because I live on
the wrong side of a line.
No, no.
Our problems are over, huh?
That ain't no problem.
Well, it is if you're
going to be taken away
from your lifelong friends.
You can still go
to Hooterville High.
All we got to do
is move you over
to the other side of the hotel.
Billie Jo, now that
you're out of high school,
you move over to the Pixley side
and let Betty Jo have your room.
Mom, I can't!
(crying)
Quiet. Why not?
Don't you remember?
I'm the Hooterville
representative
in the state shorthand contest.
If I move to Pixley,
I'll be eliminated.
(both crying)
Please.
Bobbie Jo, why don't...
Oh, Mom, if I move into Pixley,
then I'll have to transfer
from Hooterville High School
and you know I want to go
to school with all my friends.
(girls crying)
I don't want to go to Pixley.
And I don't want
to be eliminated.
Quiet!
You girls ought to be
ashamed of yourselves,
worrying over little things
like what school
you're going to attend
when your mother is
on the road to millions.
Kate, a fella just came in
and ordered a 50 cent half
color picture of himself standing...
Uncle Joe, how would you like
to take a full
color picture of me
half in Pixley,
half in Hooterville,
and half out of my mind?
(girls crying)
You know, a week ago, I woke up
and the sun was shining
and the birds were singing
and the hotel was
quiet and empty
and then Mr. Craig walked in
and said two words.
"Hooterville, Pixley."
And that's when the dam broke.
Maybe you ought to
switch to cream soda.
$1,000 to rebuild the
Pixley side of the hotel.
$2,500 to rebuild the
Hooterville side of the hotel.
I got to buy two hotel licenses.
I got to put in
another bathroom.
The dog is a
wanted man in Pixley.
And they're going
to throw Betty Jo
out of Hooterville High School.
I tell you, Sam.
That's as far as they're
going to push me.
I'm going to put my foot down.
Good for you, Kate.
You got to draw
the line somewhere.
Oh, uh, sorry.
Sam, isn't there
anybody, anyone,
anything, any any can help me?
Kate, if it was just
Hooterville County,
I might be able to do something.
I have a little influence here,
but I don't have any
pull at all in Pixley.
And that's what I
need... a little pull.
No!
What I need is a lot of pull!
Kate, ain't there any other kind
of pull you can think of?
This is it.
Don't know if we
can do it. Oh...
The Wright brothers never
knew if they was related
until they invented
the airplane.
Is that a fact?
Read your history book.
Go get up steam.
We'll sure give her
a good try, Kate.
Thanks, Charley.
Signal when you're ready, huh?
Okay.
Get ready!
Get ready!
Get ready!
Ready!
Ready.
Ready!
Ready!
Here we go.
(wood creaking)
Easy!
Easy!
(creaking)
(shattering)
Them cucumbers is murder...
(creaking)
Easy, Charley. Easy!
(clattering)
Mmm. Kate's pie
crust is getting better.
Come back.
Come back!
We must be going 60.
Hardly feels like
we're pulling a hotel.
We ain't!
(brakes screeching)
But, Kate...
And when you're through
scrubbing the lobby,
you can go in the dining room,
scrub the line off
the dining room table,
and then go upstairs
and scrub that one, too.
Kate, what if you changed
your mind someday
and wanted to move
the hotel back to Pixley?
This hotel is staying
right where it is
and nothing short of an
earthquake is going to move it.
(rumbling)
Quick, everybody around
to the Pixley side and push!
Women... strictly
one-county thinkers.
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.