Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 1, Episode 3 - The President Who Came to Dinner - full transcript
Despite Kate being able to convince Homer Bedloe not to scrap the Cannonball, she isn't sure if Bedloe has done something behind their backs to scrap the train anyway. He hasn't, but the C & FW's president, Norman Curtis, who is known to be more ruthless than Bedloe, still has scrapping the Cannonball on his mind. His plans are to connect the Hooterville branch line to the main line so that they can cut down time on an existing express route which would still not serve Hooterville Valley. As he feels Bedloe's mistake was being up front with the people of the valley, Curtis plans on doing the survey work for the necessary upgrade to the branch line on his own, incognito. Although Curtis doesn't intend on appearing as such, he comes across to Kate and others in the valley as a hobo after he takes a tumble in a field, ripping and dirtying his suit and losing his wallet in the process. Curtis ends up seeing a side of Hooterville he didn't expect, one where the Cannonball stops on the trestle so that everyone can go fishing, and one where a kindly hotel proprietor opens up her establishment to the down and out. Will Kate's kindness make Curtis change his mind?
(train whistle blows twice)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows twice)
Billie! Billie!
Did you find her?
No. She's not upstairs.
She's not in the kitchen either.
Well, maybe Betty found her.
She's not outside.
Well, maybe she went into town.
Without telling us?
Oh, Mother wouldn't do that.
(pounding)
Oh, she's in the cellar.
Why didn't we think of it?
All right, who hid my Indian?
Uncle Joe, we're worried.
We can't find Mama.
Now you know how I feel
when you hide my Indian.
Uncle Joe, this is serious.
We've looked all over.
All right, all right.
Stop chattering
like a nest full
of baby blue jays.
Your ma went to town.
She left a note.
What does it say?
Nothing. Just that
she went to town.
But I'm worried.
Me, too. So am I.
What about?
Well, Mom didn't
sleep a wink last night.
We heard her walking
the floor all night long.
And she didn't eat
a bite of breakfast.
I'll bet she's still worried
about the train, Uncle Joe.
Afraid the railroad's
going to scrap it.
Relax. I took care
of that railroad man.
He wouldn't dare scrap
the Hooterville Cannonball.
Has anyone heard
the train this morning?
No, I haven't.
I haven't either.
Then Mother must still
be at the track waiting.
Come on! Let's go!
Of all the mornings
for the Cannonball
to be late!
Mother, no!
Don't do it!
Don't do what?
I was listening
for the Cannonball.
It's two hours late.
Mother, do you think the
railroad has scrapped it?
Of course not.
There's nothing to worry about.
Then why were
you awake all night?
Well, I was reading.
Walking the floor?
If I read in bed, I fall asleep.
Mother, you're
worried about the train.
Oh, I am not.
Well, you didn't eat
a bite of breakfast.
Of course I did.
I had coffee and buttered train.
Toast.
(whistle blowing)
Hey, hey, you sure started
a ruckus this morning.
Lookit, Uncle Joe.
The Cannonball's still running.
Well, of course
it's still running.
I saw to that.
Let's all go up and
get some breakfast.
I'm going into Hooterville
to see Sam Drucker.
What about? About the train.
He knows the law,
and we should be ready
in case Mr. Bedloe
makes more trouble.
I sure sent that Bedloe
running back to the main office
with his tail between his legs.
He wouldn't dare
tackle me again.
Yeah, but what if
somebody higher up
in the railroad
makes more trouble?
Well, bring 'em on. The bigger
they come, the harder they fall.
I still feel better
talking to Sam.
(horn blowing) Look,
you stay here, and I'll go.
Fighting the railroad
is a man's job.
Well, I kind of thought
you'd get some of
those chores done today.
What chores?
Well, you've been promising
to chop some wood and
clean out the chicken yard.
You hear that?
I'm fighting the C. & F.W.
Railroad single-handed,
and she asks me to
clean out a chicken yard.
Bedloe, you had a job
to do, and you didn't do it.
But, Mr. Curtis...
What did those rubes
do to you back there?
You used to be the best
hatchet man this railroad ever had.
Now look at you.
You couldn't chop your way
through a watercress sandwich.
But, Mr. Curtis...
Don't just stand
there. Start lying.
Yes, sir.
Well, Chief, I saved this
line at least $150,000.
If we junk the
Hooterville Cannonball,
those people are going
to sue us for damages.
Let them sue!
Why do you think we're
overpaying our lawyers?
Gentlemen, I tell you the
Hooterville Cannonball is through!
(all agreeing)
But it's such a
quaint little train.
The C. & F.W. doesn't have
room for quaint little trains.
Now, if we hook up the
main line from Hooterville,
extend the branch from
Pixley to our existing track,
we can cut 30 minutes
from the schedule
of the Fenton City Flyer.
30 valuable minutes!
And that means money in
the bank for the C. & F.W.
(applauding)
But, Chief,
you can't send the
Flyer through that valley.
There are too many curves.
We'll straighten them.
And the trestle that
connects with the branch line
is absolutely ruined.
The others are
too narrow and old.
We'll build new ones
out of concrete and steel.
But the right-of-way
is full of hills.
We'll level them. And swamps?
We'll fill up the
swamps with the hills.
Gentlemen, we'll send our
diesels through there so fast,
those Hooterville
hicks will think
they're living on
a launching pad.
I will have a full report to
you by the end of the week.
I am going into
that valley incognito,
and make a personal survey.
But, Mr. Curtis...
Incognito, Mr. Bedloe.
You see, that's where
you made your mistake.
You told them who you were,
and they ganged up on you.
Miss Herman, I want
you to have my helicopter.
And wrinkle me a suit.
Have them both on
the roof in 20 minutes.
Yes, sir.
(train horn blowing)
So, according to Sam
Drucker, all we can do right now
is lay low and let the
railroad make the next move.
Sam's a smart fella.
He says to expect
trouble, though,
especially from the president.
Remember how
mean Mr. Bedloe was?
Orneriest man I ever met.
Well, from what Sam's heard,
the president of this railroad
makes Mr. Bedloe look
like a Sunday school teacher.
Floyd, look!
It's a he... um, "helio-copter".
Yeah, what do you suppose
that whirly bug's
doing around here?
Put me down outside Hooterville.
According to the
map, I flew right over it,
but I didn't see a thing.
Well, we just passed the train,
so put me down in front of it
and I'll flag a ride. Roger.
Don't forget now, I'll
be waiting at Hooterville,
ready to be picked
up Friday noon.
(engine roaring)
(train engine chugging)
(screeching)
(clanging)
Looks like a hobo.
Yeah, and he had the
nerve to stop the train.
Go easy on him.
Listen, Kate, it's bad
enough for a hobo
to hook a ride on the outside,
but he come inside.
Yeah, but the poor fella
looks like he's on his last leg,
so take it easy, huh?
Okay.
Hi there.
Hello.
My name is Kate Bradley.
I run the Shady Rest
Hotel up the tracks a way,
and this is Mr. Smoot.
Hello, Smoot.
It's Mr. Smoot.
How far you figuring on going?
The end of the line.
How much do I owe you?
Well, my secretary must not
have put any money
in these clothes.
(laughing)
I've got money.
Well, sure, you have.
Sure, you have.
I still want to know
what the fare is.
You wouldn't know
what to charge him,
would you, Floyd?
No, I wouldn't.
We never stopped where
we picked you up before.
CHARLEY: Hi.
What's up, Charley?
Oh, nothing.
Just come back to
check on the hitchhiker.
Wait a minute.
You're the engineer, aren't you?
Yep, sure am.
Well, who's running this train?
My little girl. What?
Betty Jo, my youngest daughter.
Runs a train real good, too.
(train whistle blowing)
Come on, Floyd, we're
almost to the trestle.
See you later, folks.
They let your daughter
run this train, a child?
Well, she's been
running it for years.
Has a real steady
hand on the throttle.
(whistle blowing)
(screeching)
Her braking could
stand improvement.
What are we stopping here for?
Morgan Creek Trestle.
We always stop here
this time of the year.
Why?
Come on, and I'll show you.
We're gonna be here a spell.
Well, I'm all baited
up and ready to go.
Well, dump it
in... Fish ain't likely
to climb up here begging for it.
Quiet, both of you.
I think I got me a nibble.
Nope, the worm
was just stretching.
Oh, no.
You mean to tell me
you stopped this train
just to go fishing?
We ain't in no hurry.
Well, I am, let's
get this iron rolling.
You sure give good
orders for a hobo.
A hobo?
I am Norman P. Curtis, pres...
uh, presently a hobo.
Well, if you don't
intend staying one,
there's no shame in it.
Would you like to try my pole?
No, no, thanks, I'm not
much of a fisherman.
Well, you never
know till you try.
Go ahead.
Well, all right, but I'm...
I'm not very good at it.
Ooh, I wouldn't say that.
I think you got
something already.
Either that, or Betty Jo's
using a mighty heavy worm.
By George, I have.
I've got a fish.
Look.
Aw. A fish.
Isn't that cute.
Yes.
I caught a fish.
(laughing)
I haven't had a meal
like this in years.
The way you're gulping it down,
you won't need
another one for years.
I thought those two
freeloaders could put it away,
but you got them
backed into a corner.
What do you mean, freeloaders?
We give value received.
All of you ride on
our railroad for free.
Oh, they do?
Well, I'd like to hear
more about that later.
Yes, Kate and the girls
and Uncle Joe and...
Here you are, Mr. Curtis,
the piece de resistance.
Oh, Mrs. Bradley, I
don't think I have room
for anything more.
Oh, you're just being modest.
The way you pack it in,
you could give stuffing
lessons to a silo.
You have room, all right.
Regardez.
Poisson a la Curtis.
My fish.
Where?
Right there under
that sprig of parsley.
Isn't that something?
What'd you call it?
Poisson. That's
French for "fish."
(scoffs): I've seen
heftier-looking guppies.
This one did lose a
little in the translation.
Mrs. Bradley...
Ah-ah-ah, "Kate."
Oh, Kate, thank you.
I can't remember when I've
tasted such delectable food.
I'm certainly going to miss it.
Well, why don't you stay
for a few more days? Kate.
Tomorrow we're gonna have ribs.
Ribs. I really
would like to stay,
but, no, I-I must
get on to Pixley.
Mr. Curtis, we all get down
on our luck sometimes,
so you don't have... Kate.
To be bashful with us.
If it's a question of money,
we can work something out.
Kate.
You're very kind.
Maybe I will stay
on for a while.
Kate, could I speak
to you for a minute?
Well, sure, Uncle
Joe. Excuse me.
Just holler when
you want dessert.
We're gonna have
gooseberry turnovers.
Gooseberry turnovers?
Oh, marvelous.
My own fish. Maybe I shouldn't
have asked her to cook it.
Maybe I should
have had it mounted.
Kate, why'd you have
to invite him to stay?
Why not? He's a very nice man.
Have you seen him eat?
He's got more
stomachs than a camel.
Poor man.
Poor us, you mean.
Why, he's et everything
but the delphiniums
Betty Jo painted on the plate.
Uncle Joe, I got a feeling
about Norman Curtis.
His coat may be frazzled
and he may be coming
apart at the seams,
but underneath it
all... He's a tramp.
He's a gentleman, I can tell.
And you got no call
to whittle on a man
just 'cause he's
come on hard times.
Well, if he don't stop eating,
our hard times are gonna
be asking his hard times
to move over.
It's our bounden
duty to help him.
Anybody can tell
he's seen better days.
Not better eatin' days.
Kate, you're a mighty
poor judge of character.
Now that Norman is a
freeloader if I've ever seen one.
He's not a freeloader.
I ain't seen the color
of his money, have you?
Well, I...
I'm gonna let him
work out his keep.
He's gonna work?!
Sure, you've got a lot of chores
that haven't been tended to.
Norman can be your helper.
Helper.
Oh, well, that's different.
Maybe I better go see if that
poor fellow needs some more food.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(clears throat)
To the loveliest
lady I've ever known.
Thank you, Mr. Curtis.
"Norman," please.
Tell me, Norman,
is that a compliment
to my personality
or to my cookin'?
Both.
You know, Kate, I
think these have been
the happiest days
of my whole life.
Maybe it's because you've
been doing something.
You have been keeping me busy.
I haven't chopped wood in years.
But you need a steady job.
You're right. And when
I leave here tomorrow,
I'm going to the main office
of the C & F.W. Railroad...
And ask them for a job.
Any kind of a job: oilin',
wipin', walkin' track.
Why, with your brain, you
could work up in no time.
You really think so?
Oh, yes, Norman,
you got it in you.
You set your mind to it,
and in five or ten years,
you'll go right to the top.
I'll be so proud. I'll
point at you and I'll say,
"That's my friend,
Norman Curtis..."
station master."
Well, let's not aim
our sights too high.
Mr. Curtis, any special
song you'd like to hear?
Yes, how 'bout
"Apple on a Tree"?
I don't think we know that one.
Billie Jo, do we know
"Apple on a Tree"?
No.
We don't know that one.
Oh, that's the finest
song you ever heard.
Here, give me that thing.
(plays lively folk song)
♪ Wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ Wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ If I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ I'd make my home
in that cherry tree ♪
♪ I wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee. ♪
Your president did not fire
blank cartridges in Hooterville.
I did not permit
mawkish sentiment
to influence my decision.
Well, I'm sorry, Chief.
I must have been hypnotized.
Well, when do we go
back to work up there?
On what?
Well, like you said,
hook up the branch line
with the Fenton City Flyer.
What are you
talking about, Bedloe?
We can't send that
flyer through that valley.
There're too many curves.
But you said we'd
straighten them.
The right-of-way
is full of hills.
But you said we'd level 'em.
And swamps.
That's where you
said you'd put the hills.
Well, there are too many
swamps and not enough hills.
And furthermore, the main
trestle is completely wrecked.
All the others are
old and narrow.
They're good for
nothing but fishing.
But you said we'd-we'd
build new ones
out of concrete and steel.
What's the matter
with you, Bedloe?
Are you trying to
bankrupt this railroad?
Your entire idea of
modernizing that branch
is unfeasible, ill-advised
and unpatriotic.
My idea... unpatriotic.
Gentleman, I am
leaving immediately.
To try and straighten
out the mess
created by our ambassador
of goodwill Mr. Bedloe here.
I'll have a full report for you
by the middle of next week.
Or the week after.
Well, anyway, I
will let you know.
Gentlemen, this
meeting is adjourned.
Oh, Miss Hammond,
dear, if you have a moment,
would you please
get my helicopter
and my wrinkled suit?
I sure hope
Mr. Curtis got that job.
(scoffs): What job?
At the railroad.
Before he left, said he
was going to the main office
and see about it.
Kate, you're the worst judge
of character I've ever seen.
Nutty Norman is a
hobo born and bred.
Those kind of fellows
don't want to work.
Sure worked hard
here doing your chores.
Yeah, I tried to help him
make something out of himself.
The man just don't
take to work the way I do.
(train whistle blows)
Thanks for the lift, fellows.
Oh, will I see you
at lunch tomorrow?
You'll see us for
supper tonight.
The way you eat, there
won't be no tomorrow.
You know something?
You're the first man I ever seen
could get sparks out
of a knife and fork.
(all laugh)
Now, Uncle Joe, leave him be.
He feels bad enough
not landing that job.
Yeah, it's ruined his appetite.
He's just as well
off not getting in
with that C & F.W. outfit.
Yeah, I hear they're
all a bunch of nuts.
If that's the case, Nutty
Norman ought to be president.
Now that's enough.
I do hear they're
awful hard-hearted,
especially the president.
They say he's a terror.
Did you get a good look at
him when you was up there?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.
What does he look like?
Well, he's a pretty
good-lookin' fellow
and rather nice when
you get to know him.
You're as poor a judge
of character as Kate.
That skunk's trying
to scrap our railroad.
Oh, well, wait a minute.
It isn't altogether
that skunk's fault...
uh, the president's fault.
As a matter of fact, he
wants to save your railroad.
He does?
Yes, he really does, Kate.
But you see, he's accountable
to a board of directors.
And they are accountable
to the stockholders,
and, well, you
know stockholders.
Well, when the
fiscal year terminates,
they want those
net profit dividends
to be commensurate...
Norman, Norman,
when you try to talk
business, you're pathetic.
Stick to eating. That's
what you do best.
He don't sing bad.
Speaking of that,
let's, let's all go outside
and do some singing.
We've got a surprise
for you, Mr. Curtis.
Oh, really?
♪ I wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ I wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ If I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ I would make my home
in that old cherry tree ♪
♪ I wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee. ♪
They're doing our song.
(chuckles): Yes.
This has been a
Filmways presentation.
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows twice)
Billie! Billie!
Did you find her?
No. She's not upstairs.
She's not in the kitchen either.
Well, maybe Betty found her.
She's not outside.
Well, maybe she went into town.
Without telling us?
Oh, Mother wouldn't do that.
(pounding)
Oh, she's in the cellar.
Why didn't we think of it?
All right, who hid my Indian?
Uncle Joe, we're worried.
We can't find Mama.
Now you know how I feel
when you hide my Indian.
Uncle Joe, this is serious.
We've looked all over.
All right, all right.
Stop chattering
like a nest full
of baby blue jays.
Your ma went to town.
She left a note.
What does it say?
Nothing. Just that
she went to town.
But I'm worried.
Me, too. So am I.
What about?
Well, Mom didn't
sleep a wink last night.
We heard her walking
the floor all night long.
And she didn't eat
a bite of breakfast.
I'll bet she's still worried
about the train, Uncle Joe.
Afraid the railroad's
going to scrap it.
Relax. I took care
of that railroad man.
He wouldn't dare scrap
the Hooterville Cannonball.
Has anyone heard
the train this morning?
No, I haven't.
I haven't either.
Then Mother must still
be at the track waiting.
Come on! Let's go!
Of all the mornings
for the Cannonball
to be late!
Mother, no!
Don't do it!
Don't do what?
I was listening
for the Cannonball.
It's two hours late.
Mother, do you think the
railroad has scrapped it?
Of course not.
There's nothing to worry about.
Then why were
you awake all night?
Well, I was reading.
Walking the floor?
If I read in bed, I fall asleep.
Mother, you're
worried about the train.
Oh, I am not.
Well, you didn't eat
a bite of breakfast.
Of course I did.
I had coffee and buttered train.
Toast.
(whistle blowing)
Hey, hey, you sure started
a ruckus this morning.
Lookit, Uncle Joe.
The Cannonball's still running.
Well, of course
it's still running.
I saw to that.
Let's all go up and
get some breakfast.
I'm going into Hooterville
to see Sam Drucker.
What about? About the train.
He knows the law,
and we should be ready
in case Mr. Bedloe
makes more trouble.
I sure sent that Bedloe
running back to the main office
with his tail between his legs.
He wouldn't dare
tackle me again.
Yeah, but what if
somebody higher up
in the railroad
makes more trouble?
Well, bring 'em on. The bigger
they come, the harder they fall.
I still feel better
talking to Sam.
(horn blowing) Look,
you stay here, and I'll go.
Fighting the railroad
is a man's job.
Well, I kind of thought
you'd get some of
those chores done today.
What chores?
Well, you've been promising
to chop some wood and
clean out the chicken yard.
You hear that?
I'm fighting the C. & F.W.
Railroad single-handed,
and she asks me to
clean out a chicken yard.
Bedloe, you had a job
to do, and you didn't do it.
But, Mr. Curtis...
What did those rubes
do to you back there?
You used to be the best
hatchet man this railroad ever had.
Now look at you.
You couldn't chop your way
through a watercress sandwich.
But, Mr. Curtis...
Don't just stand
there. Start lying.
Yes, sir.
Well, Chief, I saved this
line at least $150,000.
If we junk the
Hooterville Cannonball,
those people are going
to sue us for damages.
Let them sue!
Why do you think we're
overpaying our lawyers?
Gentlemen, I tell you the
Hooterville Cannonball is through!
(all agreeing)
But it's such a
quaint little train.
The C. & F.W. doesn't have
room for quaint little trains.
Now, if we hook up the
main line from Hooterville,
extend the branch from
Pixley to our existing track,
we can cut 30 minutes
from the schedule
of the Fenton City Flyer.
30 valuable minutes!
And that means money in
the bank for the C. & F.W.
(applauding)
But, Chief,
you can't send the
Flyer through that valley.
There are too many curves.
We'll straighten them.
And the trestle that
connects with the branch line
is absolutely ruined.
The others are
too narrow and old.
We'll build new ones
out of concrete and steel.
But the right-of-way
is full of hills.
We'll level them. And swamps?
We'll fill up the
swamps with the hills.
Gentlemen, we'll send our
diesels through there so fast,
those Hooterville
hicks will think
they're living on
a launching pad.
I will have a full report to
you by the end of the week.
I am going into
that valley incognito,
and make a personal survey.
But, Mr. Curtis...
Incognito, Mr. Bedloe.
You see, that's where
you made your mistake.
You told them who you were,
and they ganged up on you.
Miss Herman, I want
you to have my helicopter.
And wrinkle me a suit.
Have them both on
the roof in 20 minutes.
Yes, sir.
(train horn blowing)
So, according to Sam
Drucker, all we can do right now
is lay low and let the
railroad make the next move.
Sam's a smart fella.
He says to expect
trouble, though,
especially from the president.
Remember how
mean Mr. Bedloe was?
Orneriest man I ever met.
Well, from what Sam's heard,
the president of this railroad
makes Mr. Bedloe look
like a Sunday school teacher.
Floyd, look!
It's a he... um, "helio-copter".
Yeah, what do you suppose
that whirly bug's
doing around here?
Put me down outside Hooterville.
According to the
map, I flew right over it,
but I didn't see a thing.
Well, we just passed the train,
so put me down in front of it
and I'll flag a ride. Roger.
Don't forget now, I'll
be waiting at Hooterville,
ready to be picked
up Friday noon.
(engine roaring)
(train engine chugging)
(screeching)
(clanging)
Looks like a hobo.
Yeah, and he had the
nerve to stop the train.
Go easy on him.
Listen, Kate, it's bad
enough for a hobo
to hook a ride on the outside,
but he come inside.
Yeah, but the poor fella
looks like he's on his last leg,
so take it easy, huh?
Okay.
Hi there.
Hello.
My name is Kate Bradley.
I run the Shady Rest
Hotel up the tracks a way,
and this is Mr. Smoot.
Hello, Smoot.
It's Mr. Smoot.
How far you figuring on going?
The end of the line.
How much do I owe you?
Well, my secretary must not
have put any money
in these clothes.
(laughing)
I've got money.
Well, sure, you have.
Sure, you have.
I still want to know
what the fare is.
You wouldn't know
what to charge him,
would you, Floyd?
No, I wouldn't.
We never stopped where
we picked you up before.
CHARLEY: Hi.
What's up, Charley?
Oh, nothing.
Just come back to
check on the hitchhiker.
Wait a minute.
You're the engineer, aren't you?
Yep, sure am.
Well, who's running this train?
My little girl. What?
Betty Jo, my youngest daughter.
Runs a train real good, too.
(train whistle blowing)
Come on, Floyd, we're
almost to the trestle.
See you later, folks.
They let your daughter
run this train, a child?
Well, she's been
running it for years.
Has a real steady
hand on the throttle.
(whistle blowing)
(screeching)
Her braking could
stand improvement.
What are we stopping here for?
Morgan Creek Trestle.
We always stop here
this time of the year.
Why?
Come on, and I'll show you.
We're gonna be here a spell.
Well, I'm all baited
up and ready to go.
Well, dump it
in... Fish ain't likely
to climb up here begging for it.
Quiet, both of you.
I think I got me a nibble.
Nope, the worm
was just stretching.
Oh, no.
You mean to tell me
you stopped this train
just to go fishing?
We ain't in no hurry.
Well, I am, let's
get this iron rolling.
You sure give good
orders for a hobo.
A hobo?
I am Norman P. Curtis, pres...
uh, presently a hobo.
Well, if you don't
intend staying one,
there's no shame in it.
Would you like to try my pole?
No, no, thanks, I'm not
much of a fisherman.
Well, you never
know till you try.
Go ahead.
Well, all right, but I'm...
I'm not very good at it.
Ooh, I wouldn't say that.
I think you got
something already.
Either that, or Betty Jo's
using a mighty heavy worm.
By George, I have.
I've got a fish.
Look.
Aw. A fish.
Isn't that cute.
Yes.
I caught a fish.
(laughing)
I haven't had a meal
like this in years.
The way you're gulping it down,
you won't need
another one for years.
I thought those two
freeloaders could put it away,
but you got them
backed into a corner.
What do you mean, freeloaders?
We give value received.
All of you ride on
our railroad for free.
Oh, they do?
Well, I'd like to hear
more about that later.
Yes, Kate and the girls
and Uncle Joe and...
Here you are, Mr. Curtis,
the piece de resistance.
Oh, Mrs. Bradley, I
don't think I have room
for anything more.
Oh, you're just being modest.
The way you pack it in,
you could give stuffing
lessons to a silo.
You have room, all right.
Regardez.
Poisson a la Curtis.
My fish.
Where?
Right there under
that sprig of parsley.
Isn't that something?
What'd you call it?
Poisson. That's
French for "fish."
(scoffs): I've seen
heftier-looking guppies.
This one did lose a
little in the translation.
Mrs. Bradley...
Ah-ah-ah, "Kate."
Oh, Kate, thank you.
I can't remember when I've
tasted such delectable food.
I'm certainly going to miss it.
Well, why don't you stay
for a few more days? Kate.
Tomorrow we're gonna have ribs.
Ribs. I really
would like to stay,
but, no, I-I must
get on to Pixley.
Mr. Curtis, we all get down
on our luck sometimes,
so you don't have... Kate.
To be bashful with us.
If it's a question of money,
we can work something out.
Kate.
You're very kind.
Maybe I will stay
on for a while.
Kate, could I speak
to you for a minute?
Well, sure, Uncle
Joe. Excuse me.
Just holler when
you want dessert.
We're gonna have
gooseberry turnovers.
Gooseberry turnovers?
Oh, marvelous.
My own fish. Maybe I shouldn't
have asked her to cook it.
Maybe I should
have had it mounted.
Kate, why'd you have
to invite him to stay?
Why not? He's a very nice man.
Have you seen him eat?
He's got more
stomachs than a camel.
Poor man.
Poor us, you mean.
Why, he's et everything
but the delphiniums
Betty Jo painted on the plate.
Uncle Joe, I got a feeling
about Norman Curtis.
His coat may be frazzled
and he may be coming
apart at the seams,
but underneath it
all... He's a tramp.
He's a gentleman, I can tell.
And you got no call
to whittle on a man
just 'cause he's
come on hard times.
Well, if he don't stop eating,
our hard times are gonna
be asking his hard times
to move over.
It's our bounden
duty to help him.
Anybody can tell
he's seen better days.
Not better eatin' days.
Kate, you're a mighty
poor judge of character.
Now that Norman is a
freeloader if I've ever seen one.
He's not a freeloader.
I ain't seen the color
of his money, have you?
Well, I...
I'm gonna let him
work out his keep.
He's gonna work?!
Sure, you've got a lot of chores
that haven't been tended to.
Norman can be your helper.
Helper.
Oh, well, that's different.
Maybe I better go see if that
poor fellow needs some more food.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(clears throat)
To the loveliest
lady I've ever known.
Thank you, Mr. Curtis.
"Norman," please.
Tell me, Norman,
is that a compliment
to my personality
or to my cookin'?
Both.
You know, Kate, I
think these have been
the happiest days
of my whole life.
Maybe it's because you've
been doing something.
You have been keeping me busy.
I haven't chopped wood in years.
But you need a steady job.
You're right. And when
I leave here tomorrow,
I'm going to the main office
of the C & F.W. Railroad...
And ask them for a job.
Any kind of a job: oilin',
wipin', walkin' track.
Why, with your brain, you
could work up in no time.
You really think so?
Oh, yes, Norman,
you got it in you.
You set your mind to it,
and in five or ten years,
you'll go right to the top.
I'll be so proud. I'll
point at you and I'll say,
"That's my friend,
Norman Curtis..."
station master."
Well, let's not aim
our sights too high.
Mr. Curtis, any special
song you'd like to hear?
Yes, how 'bout
"Apple on a Tree"?
I don't think we know that one.
Billie Jo, do we know
"Apple on a Tree"?
No.
We don't know that one.
Oh, that's the finest
song you ever heard.
Here, give me that thing.
(plays lively folk song)
♪ Wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ Wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ If I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ I'd make my home
in that cherry tree ♪
♪ I wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee. ♪
Your president did not fire
blank cartridges in Hooterville.
I did not permit
mawkish sentiment
to influence my decision.
Well, I'm sorry, Chief.
I must have been hypnotized.
Well, when do we go
back to work up there?
On what?
Well, like you said,
hook up the branch line
with the Fenton City Flyer.
What are you
talking about, Bedloe?
We can't send that
flyer through that valley.
There're too many curves.
But you said we'd
straighten them.
The right-of-way
is full of hills.
But you said we'd level 'em.
And swamps.
That's where you
said you'd put the hills.
Well, there are too many
swamps and not enough hills.
And furthermore, the main
trestle is completely wrecked.
All the others are
old and narrow.
They're good for
nothing but fishing.
But you said we'd-we'd
build new ones
out of concrete and steel.
What's the matter
with you, Bedloe?
Are you trying to
bankrupt this railroad?
Your entire idea of
modernizing that branch
is unfeasible, ill-advised
and unpatriotic.
My idea... unpatriotic.
Gentleman, I am
leaving immediately.
To try and straighten
out the mess
created by our ambassador
of goodwill Mr. Bedloe here.
I'll have a full report for you
by the middle of next week.
Or the week after.
Well, anyway, I
will let you know.
Gentlemen, this
meeting is adjourned.
Oh, Miss Hammond,
dear, if you have a moment,
would you please
get my helicopter
and my wrinkled suit?
I sure hope
Mr. Curtis got that job.
(scoffs): What job?
At the railroad.
Before he left, said he
was going to the main office
and see about it.
Kate, you're the worst judge
of character I've ever seen.
Nutty Norman is a
hobo born and bred.
Those kind of fellows
don't want to work.
Sure worked hard
here doing your chores.
Yeah, I tried to help him
make something out of himself.
The man just don't
take to work the way I do.
(train whistle blows)
Thanks for the lift, fellows.
Oh, will I see you
at lunch tomorrow?
You'll see us for
supper tonight.
The way you eat, there
won't be no tomorrow.
You know something?
You're the first man I ever seen
could get sparks out
of a knife and fork.
(all laugh)
Now, Uncle Joe, leave him be.
He feels bad enough
not landing that job.
Yeah, it's ruined his appetite.
He's just as well
off not getting in
with that C & F.W. outfit.
Yeah, I hear they're
all a bunch of nuts.
If that's the case, Nutty
Norman ought to be president.
Now that's enough.
I do hear they're
awful hard-hearted,
especially the president.
They say he's a terror.
Did you get a good look at
him when you was up there?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.
What does he look like?
Well, he's a pretty
good-lookin' fellow
and rather nice when
you get to know him.
You're as poor a judge
of character as Kate.
That skunk's trying
to scrap our railroad.
Oh, well, wait a minute.
It isn't altogether
that skunk's fault...
uh, the president's fault.
As a matter of fact, he
wants to save your railroad.
He does?
Yes, he really does, Kate.
But you see, he's accountable
to a board of directors.
And they are accountable
to the stockholders,
and, well, you
know stockholders.
Well, when the
fiscal year terminates,
they want those
net profit dividends
to be commensurate...
Norman, Norman,
when you try to talk
business, you're pathetic.
Stick to eating. That's
what you do best.
He don't sing bad.
Speaking of that,
let's, let's all go outside
and do some singing.
We've got a surprise
for you, Mr. Curtis.
Oh, really?
♪ I wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ I wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ If I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
♪ I would make my home
in that old cherry tree ♪
♪ I wish I was a
woolly-boogy bee. ♪
They're doing our song.
(chuckles): Yes.
This has been a
Filmways presentation.