Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 1, Episode 2 - Quick, Hide the Railroad - full transcript
A sneaky Kate organizes Charley and Floyd to take the traveling salesmen who spent the night at the hotel into Pixley before Homer Bedloe wakes up so that he himself can't make his way into Pixley to shut down the Cannonball. While Bedloe is stranded at the hotel, Kate plans to kill him with kindness so that he'll change his mind about shutting down the Cannonball. She has to keep him at the Shady Rest long enough to convince him that the Cannonball is an integral part of the valley's life. As long as Bedloe isn't convinced, the girls and Uncle Joe have to help Kate keep him stranded at the hotel, which also means not having the Cannonball stop on its return trip to Hooterville. Failing all else, Kate thinks she has another scheme involving Sam, the Hooterville Jack of all professions, to scare Bedloe into changing his mind.
(train whistle blows twice)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows twice)
All of the salesman
are aboard, Charley.
And still no sign of Mr. Bedloe.
He's going to be a mighty surprised
railroad vice president when he wakes up
and finds out his train is gone.
Kate sure had a wonderful
idea to sneak out of here while...
Floyd, are you burning
railroad ties again?
Charley, I just
burn the loose ones.
Besides, we need a quick fire.
You go tell your ma
that if she can keep
Mr. Bedloe asleep
just ten more minutes,
we're on our way to Pixley.
Will do.
(rooster crowing)
(whispering): You'll
wake up Mr. Bedloe.
Everybody get on the train?
Yes, Mom.
But it'll be another
ten or 15 minutes
before Charley and Floyd can
get up enough steam to pull out.
We've just got to see to it
that Mr. Bedloe doesn't
wake up before they leave.
PHOEBE: All aboard.
That crazy bird!
Phoebe, please...
you'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
Run and get her
a piece of toast.
Oh! And hide Uncle Joe's
Indian. He found it again.
The train leave? Not
yet. Is he still asleep?
Yes, but Uncle
Joe's fussing around.
He can't find his bathrobe.
I loaned it to Mr. Bedloe.
And you tell him that Mr. Bedloe
is sleeping in the bridal suite
and not to disturb him.
Mom...
Oh, Billie Jo, you start
getting things ready,
so the minute
Mr. Bedloe wakes up
we can quick serve him breakfast
in bed and keep him there.
But Charley and Floyd and
those salesmen ate up all the eggs.
Oh, no. Oh!
Betty Jo, go out and
gather up some eggs, dear.
Bobbie Jo, you keep an eye
on the upstairs. Okay, Mom.
And you start cooking up
some ham, bacon and sausage
and try not to burn it.
Burn it, burn it.
You keep your big beak
closed, except for eating.
Oh!
What do you mean Mr. Bedloe's
sleeping in the bridal suite?
He ought to be
sleeping in the barn.
And I want my bathrobe back.
Please, Uncle Joe, Mother
says he's not to be disturbed.
We'll see about that.
Kate... Shh, you'll wake him.
What's got into Kate?
City feller comes in here,
shuts down the railroad,
fires everybody, ruins the hotel
and she gives him the
best room in the place.
Kate!
Shh. You're gonna
wake Mr. Bedloe.
Fat chance.
He's buried three feet deep
in the softest feather
bed in the hotel.
(shouting): Kate!
Uncle Joe, please...
You'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
Say, I want to
ask you a question.
I've got to take
these to the kitchen.
They're for his breakfast.
(stammers)
Eh, it's crazy,
that's what it is.
Fella deserves to
be horsewhipped,
she treats him like royalty.
(shouting): Ka...!
Shh. You'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
Now, Kate, listen...
PHOEBE: Quiet.
You'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
Well, at least you've got an
excuse to act like a birdbrain.
Put these flowers
in a nice, pretty vase.
They're for Mr. Bedloe's
breakfast tray.
You mean he's getting
breakfast in bed?!
As soon as he wakes up.
I ain't a-hearin' right.
It can't be.
Didn't he set right here
at this table last night
and say he was shutting
down the railroad? Yes.
And won't that
shut down the hotel?
Yes.
Well, then what in the
name of blue thunder...
Mom, Mr. Bedloe's awake.
He left his eggnog
tray outside the door.
Oh! Eggnog tray?
Well, we served him hot
eggnog last night about midnight.
To get him to sleep.
Now, you go help your sisters
get Mr. Bedloe's
breakfast up to him.
I don't want him having
to come down to eat.
Oh, okay.
Now, Uncle Joe,
you sit down there
and I'll explain all this.
What is there to explain?
Mean city fella comes out
here and wrecks our lives...
So naturally we give him
the biggest, softest
bed in the place.
Eggnog at midnight,
breakfast carried to him
in the bridal suite
like he was a groom.
And then you...
Kate, you didn't...?
What?
You didn't marry
that viper, did ya?
Of course not.
Well, then what...?
We're ready, Mom.
Oh!
That's very nice.
Ham?
Remember, girls... pretty smiles
and happy talk.
Go on.
Ain't you goin' up and
move his jaws for him
so he won't have to chew?
Oh, Joe, I'm doing
everything for a reason.
Now sit down and I'll explain.
I know, it looks like I'm
being awful softhearted...
Softheaded.
Before Mr. Bedloe
can give orders
for shutting down the railroad,
he's got to get to Pixley.
The only way he can
get to Pixley is on the train
and the train is here.
Now, if we... It
won't work, Kate.
I see what you're driving at,
but it won't work.
You can't keep the train here.
It's got to go into Pixley to take those
salesmen who spent the night here.
Well, Uncle Joe...
Your second mistake
was in thinking
you could change Bedloe's mind
by being nice to him.
Fella like that you've
got to outsmart...
outthink.
Uncle... I got it. I got it.
We'll sneak everybody
but him onto the train
and send it on into Pixley
before he comes down.
Kate, you know, putting
him in the softest bed
in the quietest room and
taking his breakfast up to him
was one of the luckiest
blunders you ever made.
It's playing right
into my scheme.
(train whistle blowing)
Who's blowing that
locomotive whistle?
My guess would be Charley.
He's the engineer.
He'll ruin all my plans.
(engine chugging)
(bell clanging)
The durn fool's pullin' out.
We won't have time
to wake the salesmen.
Well, they're on
the train, Uncle Joe.
How come?
I woke them up early.
(laughing)
Kate, this is your
morning for lucky blunders.
BETTY JO: Mom?
Mom, It worked.
We heard the train pull out.
And now Mr. Bedloe
can't go into Pixley.
Your idea was brilliant, Mom.
I knew it would work.
Oh, well... Wait
a minute, girls.
In all fairness,
Uncle Joe had the same idea.
That's true, girls.
It's just that your
mother got up first
and beat me to it.
Uncle Joe.
Morning, Mr. Bedloe.
All right, whose idea was
it to run off with my train
and leave me stranded?
Mr. Bedloe, uh...
Gentlemen are not permitted
in the dining room in their robes.
I am no gentleman,
and this is not my robe.
Now, do I get an
answer to my question?
All right, we'll let the
government settle it.
Stealing trains happens
to be a federal offense.
And everybody connected
with this conspiracy
is in very serious trouble.
I hope this teaches
you a lesson, Kate.
Next time you get
one of your crazy ideas,
check it over with me first.
I could have told you
this would never work.
Hey... What?
Somebody's hid my Indian again.
You know, Charley, I
feel kind of bad about us
running off and leaving
Kate to face the music.
Well, if it was
anybody else but Kate
I'd be mighty worried,
but that's one
woman in a million.
She sure is.
I never met a woman
yet to compare with Kate.
How come you never asked
her to marry you, Floyd?
I don't think I'm
good enough for her.
How about you?
I feel the same way.
You do?
I don't think you're good
enough for her, either.
Aw... We're comin'
on into Pixley.
Think we better stop?
Well, if we turn around
and go back to Shady Rest
Bedloe will grab the train.
Oh, I don't think so.
By the time we get back there,
Kate will have him
eating out of her hand.
Kate can kill a man
with kindness, all right.
Well, if she doesn't
kill 'em with kindness
them daughters of hers
will pretty him to death.
It's lunchtime, Mr. Bedloe.
Come right into the dining room.
Everything's ready for you.
Yeah?
What's everything?
Poisoned food,
booby traps, boiling oil?
What's waiting for
me behind that curtain?
Your lunch, Mr. Bedloe.
Down, sit down.
Everything's piping hot.
If you're expecting
me to change my mind
about canceling
the train, forget it.
That's a good idea.
Uncle Joe, a sour face is not
welcome in the dining room.
Then what'd you
bring him in for?
You can either smile
or stay in the kitchen.
I'll stay in the kitchen.
Please sit down.
Girls.
If this isn't a bribe,
why all the attention?
As long as you're
a guest in my hotel,
you're entitled to
Shady Rest hospitality.
We do not bring our
differences to the table.
All right, girls,
start the food.
More coffee?
More pie, Mr. Bedloe?
More cake?
(sighs)
How about some more
homemade ice cream?
(groans)
This time try my hot
fudge on a sundae
instead of strawberries
and peaches.
Oh, please, no more.
I've never had such
a meal in all my life.
Oh, go on.
I'll bet your wife cooks a
better meal than this every day.
Ha!
Of course, some women
don't care about cooking.
They're meant to just sit
around and look beautiful.
Ha!
Now don't tell me
your wife isn't beautiful.
She-She'd have to be,
to catch a successful,
good-looking man like you.
Ha!
Oh, yes, let's...
let's go into the lobby
where you can relax
and listen to the entertainment.
Entertainment?
Just a little singing
to settle the food.
Nothing like music after a meal.
What are you trying
to do, jump the track
and get a song wrote
about you like Casey Jones?
Well, I figure the faster
we go through Shady Rest,
the less chance Bedloe's
got of stopping us.
We're better than 20
miles out of Shady Rest.
Look at it this way, Charley,
the longer we
take getting there,
the longer Kate and
her girls is going to have
to work on Bedloe.
That's true.
I bet they're really
melting him down.
Oh, I'd sure like to be
in his shoes right now.
♪ Floating like a zephyr ♪
♪ On the soft summer air. ♪
Very nice.
Lovely voice.
All my daughters sing.
Girls, Mr. Bedloe
being a railroad man,
maybe he'd like to
hear a railroad song.
How about this one?
(plays sustained chord on organ)
♪ There's a train that runs
through this wide valley ♪
♪ That is loved by one and all ♪
♪ It's the train that
starts way up in Pixley ♪
♪ Called the
Hooterville Cannonball ♪
♪ Well, she makes her run
through the dead of winter ♪
♪ Through the
summer, spring and fall ♪
♪ Neither cold nor heat
nor flood can stop her ♪
♪ She's the Hooterville
Cannonball. ♪
(girls humming tune)
Yes, Mr. Bedloe.
The folks in this valley
depend on that train.
(humming sweetly)
It hauls the farmers'
crops to market.
It takes their
children to school.
It brings their
supplies from town.
And on Sunday, it
makes a special trip
just to take folks to church.
(humming continues)
When my three babies were born,
who came screaming
through the night
to bring the doctor to my side?
The Hooterville Cannonball.
The train whistle
speaks a language
we all understand.
To the children, it's a lullaby.
To the young
folks, a song of love.
And to the old, a
hymn of comfort.
Mr. Bedloe, the folks in this
valley haven't got much money,
but as long as
that little train runs,
they'll never be poor.
♪ That's the Hooterville
Cannonball... ♪
Mrs. Bradley, I
came here in anger
and you repaid me with kindness.
Oh... I gave you bad
news, and you gave me
warm and friendly hospitality.
You and your lovely daughters
have taken the time
and the trouble to explain
what the Hooterville
Cannonball means to you
and your neighbors.
After all of that,
could any man say...
"Scrap that little train"?
Just one.
Me.
The minute it gets
back from Pixley.
Oh.
Mr. Bedloe.
Have a chair.
Thanks. I will.
(whistle blowing)
Don't do that.
We're getting
close to Shady Rest,
and you'll tip off
Bedloe we're coming.
I think he knows it
already, Floyd... take a look.
FLOYD: It's Bedloe.
Right smack dab in
the middle of the track.
Think we oughta stop?
Of course we're gonna
stop, you smokehead.
That's one of
Kate's best chairs.
(wheels squealing)
Mr. Bedloe, listen to me.
I got something
to tell you. Please.
Wait a minute.
Floyd and Charley say they
can't back all the way to Pixley.
It'll be dangerous.
They gotta go on to Hooterville.
Fine. I can cancel the
train just as well from there.
Oh.
Mr. Bedloe, why
are you so dead set
on not letting this train run?
It's bad business. It
doesn't make any money.
But it doesn't lose any.
Floyd and Charley are
on pensions anyway,
and they get their
wood and water free.
Mrs. Bradley, this train
is the legal property
of the C. & F.W. Railroad,
and we are legally responsible
for everything
that happens to it.
If it runs off the track,
if it hurts somebody,
if it hits a cow,
we're responsible.
We can be sued.
Well, Floyd and Charley
have hit lots of things.
Nobody's ever sued.
But they could. No,
I'm sorry, Mrs. Bradley,
but running this branch line
just plain doesn't make sense.
(humming sweetly)
Doesn't it make sense to
help folks when they need it?
Bring the doctor
when you're sick?
Take little children to school?
Forget it. It won't work.
Now, go up there and tell those
two clowns in the locomotive,
they got 60 seconds
to get this thing rolling
or I'll cut off their pensions.
Guess you win, Mr. Bedloe.
I always do, Mrs. Bradley.
(train whistle blowing)
(engine chugging)
You know, Kate,
this is the first time
you ever rode up here.
And the last.
Why did you say that?
I thought you had a scheme
to keep this old train running.
Well, I have. That's why
I'm going into Hooterville,
but it's scary riding
up here going so fast.
Th-Those things
there ever blow up?
This one never has.
Just might today, though.
Why?
You're squeezing
that pipe so hard
you're shutting off our water.
Oh... Oof!
Can't you go a
little faster, Charley?
Hey! I suppose you
think that was pretty smart,
my sitting in that coach while
the engine went to Hooterville.
(chuckles) No, I thought
it was kinda stupid, myself.
I oughta knock
you over that railing.
You shouldn't have
said that, Bedloe.
Oh?!
Why not?!
'Cause it scared me.
Hey!
Wait a second.
Sit down.
Okay.
That stupid train the only
way to get to Hooterville?
No.
There's another way?
That's right.
You mean somebody can take me?
Yeah.
I can take you.
Now... Now, listen, old-timer.
I didn't mean to yell at you.
I know you're not in this
with these other people.
I can see you're
an intelligent man.
You can?
Mmm. Now, I'm
willing to pay you.
No, I-I didn't ask
for any money.
I know you didn't.
I'm-I'm forcing it on you.
Come on. Let's get going.
Hey. What is this?
I thought you were gonna
take me to Hooterville.
I am. We'll never get
there before tomorrow,
if you don't walk faster.
Walk?!
It's the only way you'll
get there, outside the train.
Well, why didn't you tell me?
You didn't ask me.
Let me have my money back.
Indian giver.
Hiya, boys.
Hi, Sam.
Kate.
Oh. Listen... Sam,
I need your help.
If we don't do something,
Charley and Floyd are
gonna lose their train.
Well, I hate to tell you this,
but they've already
lost part of it.
Oh, I don't mean that.
Boys, you go on
down and turn around
and pick us up on the way back.
Hurry up, boys!
All right, Kate.
Sam, are you still
a deputy sheriff?
I never was a deputy sheriff.
I was marshal at the
Fourth of July parade once.
That's close enough. Come on.
Well, what's this
all about, Kate?
Come on. I'll explain.
Don't worry, girls.
I'll handle Bedloe.
You know, fighting the
railroad's a man's job.
BETTY JO: Hey, everybody!
Mr. Bedloe got away. He's
on his way to Hooterville.
What?! Oh, no.
He found that old handcar
and got it on the track.
(train whistle blowing)
BEDLOE: Get outta here!
Hey! Whoa!
Stop the train.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Put him on the sofa, boys.
Is he hurt?
No, he's just all pumped out.
He'll be all right, soon
as he gets his wind back.
We run him for five miles.
Are you gonna be
all right, Mr. Bedloe?
I guess so.
Who are you?!
My name's Drucker.
Hey!
Marshal Drucker,
from Hooterville.
Marshal Drucker?
He's a lawman.
Thought you ran a general store.
Yeah, I do that, too. Also
publish the newspaper.
Yeah, plus being the postmaster.
And he's the mayor...
Never mind all that.
Oh! If you're a marshal, arrest
every one of these people.
What's the charge?
Stealing a train.
You mean Charley
and Floyd's train?
That's my train!
(groans): Oh!
I'm the official representative
of the C. & F. W. Railroads.
Marshal Drucker, do your duty.
Yeah. Be quick about it.
All right.
Mr. Bedloe, I hereby serve you
with these 27 summonses,
complaints, subpoenas
and overdue bills.
What for?!
For the damages caused by
your train during the past 20 years,
and for supplies furnished
and services rendered thereto
by the citizens of this valley
as named in the complaints,
etc. in your hands.
Why that's ridiculous.
Totals up to about $150,000.
Now, I wouldn't
call that ridiculous.
Baloney! What judge
would honor that?
Judge Drucker.
You?! Yeah.
I'll demand a jury trial.
Well, I don't think you could
find 12 men around here
that ain't in that
bunch of complainers.
Judge Drucker,
isn't there some way
that this thing can be
settled out of court?
Whadda ya mean, "out of court"?
I got him right
where I want him.
Uncle Joe, please!
SAM: Well, now, I'll tell you...
Kate, if Mr. Bedloe was to
go quietly back to the city
and let Floyd and Charley
resume running their railroad,
I might be inclined to
show a little judicial leniency
and postpone these
cases indefinitely.
Oh, don't do it.
Let's have a big trial.
Lots of people, be
good for business.
Shh.
Well, Mr. Bedloe,
what do you say?
What can I say?
You've got me over a barrel.
Well, come on, I'll back
you into Hooterville.
It won't be as fast as that
handcar, but a heap less tiring.
Look, Kate, you've pulled
some beauties today.
But letting him go is
the biggest blunder of all.
Oh, you think so?
Well, he admitted himself
we had him over a barrel.
Well, I'm sorry.
(laughs)
I don't blame you, Kate,
but from now on, leave
these things up to me.
You know, fighting a
railroad's a man's job.
I'll remember, Uncle Joe.
(chuckles)
(theme music playing)
This has been a
Filmways presentation.
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows twice)
All of the salesman
are aboard, Charley.
And still no sign of Mr. Bedloe.
He's going to be a mighty surprised
railroad vice president when he wakes up
and finds out his train is gone.
Kate sure had a wonderful
idea to sneak out of here while...
Floyd, are you burning
railroad ties again?
Charley, I just
burn the loose ones.
Besides, we need a quick fire.
You go tell your ma
that if she can keep
Mr. Bedloe asleep
just ten more minutes,
we're on our way to Pixley.
Will do.
(rooster crowing)
(whispering): You'll
wake up Mr. Bedloe.
Everybody get on the train?
Yes, Mom.
But it'll be another
ten or 15 minutes
before Charley and Floyd can
get up enough steam to pull out.
We've just got to see to it
that Mr. Bedloe doesn't
wake up before they leave.
PHOEBE: All aboard.
That crazy bird!
Phoebe, please...
you'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
Run and get her
a piece of toast.
Oh! And hide Uncle Joe's
Indian. He found it again.
The train leave? Not
yet. Is he still asleep?
Yes, but Uncle
Joe's fussing around.
He can't find his bathrobe.
I loaned it to Mr. Bedloe.
And you tell him that Mr. Bedloe
is sleeping in the bridal suite
and not to disturb him.
Mom...
Oh, Billie Jo, you start
getting things ready,
so the minute
Mr. Bedloe wakes up
we can quick serve him breakfast
in bed and keep him there.
But Charley and Floyd and
those salesmen ate up all the eggs.
Oh, no. Oh!
Betty Jo, go out and
gather up some eggs, dear.
Bobbie Jo, you keep an eye
on the upstairs. Okay, Mom.
And you start cooking up
some ham, bacon and sausage
and try not to burn it.
Burn it, burn it.
You keep your big beak
closed, except for eating.
Oh!
What do you mean Mr. Bedloe's
sleeping in the bridal suite?
He ought to be
sleeping in the barn.
And I want my bathrobe back.
Please, Uncle Joe, Mother
says he's not to be disturbed.
We'll see about that.
Kate... Shh, you'll wake him.
What's got into Kate?
City feller comes in here,
shuts down the railroad,
fires everybody, ruins the hotel
and she gives him the
best room in the place.
Kate!
Shh. You're gonna
wake Mr. Bedloe.
Fat chance.
He's buried three feet deep
in the softest feather
bed in the hotel.
(shouting): Kate!
Uncle Joe, please...
You'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
Say, I want to
ask you a question.
I've got to take
these to the kitchen.
They're for his breakfast.
(stammers)
Eh, it's crazy,
that's what it is.
Fella deserves to
be horsewhipped,
she treats him like royalty.
(shouting): Ka...!
Shh. You'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
Now, Kate, listen...
PHOEBE: Quiet.
You'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
Well, at least you've got an
excuse to act like a birdbrain.
Put these flowers
in a nice, pretty vase.
They're for Mr. Bedloe's
breakfast tray.
You mean he's getting
breakfast in bed?!
As soon as he wakes up.
I ain't a-hearin' right.
It can't be.
Didn't he set right here
at this table last night
and say he was shutting
down the railroad? Yes.
And won't that
shut down the hotel?
Yes.
Well, then what in the
name of blue thunder...
Mom, Mr. Bedloe's awake.
He left his eggnog
tray outside the door.
Oh! Eggnog tray?
Well, we served him hot
eggnog last night about midnight.
To get him to sleep.
Now, you go help your sisters
get Mr. Bedloe's
breakfast up to him.
I don't want him having
to come down to eat.
Oh, okay.
Now, Uncle Joe,
you sit down there
and I'll explain all this.
What is there to explain?
Mean city fella comes out
here and wrecks our lives...
So naturally we give him
the biggest, softest
bed in the place.
Eggnog at midnight,
breakfast carried to him
in the bridal suite
like he was a groom.
And then you...
Kate, you didn't...?
What?
You didn't marry
that viper, did ya?
Of course not.
Well, then what...?
We're ready, Mom.
Oh!
That's very nice.
Ham?
Remember, girls... pretty smiles
and happy talk.
Go on.
Ain't you goin' up and
move his jaws for him
so he won't have to chew?
Oh, Joe, I'm doing
everything for a reason.
Now sit down and I'll explain.
I know, it looks like I'm
being awful softhearted...
Softheaded.
Before Mr. Bedloe
can give orders
for shutting down the railroad,
he's got to get to Pixley.
The only way he can
get to Pixley is on the train
and the train is here.
Now, if we... It
won't work, Kate.
I see what you're driving at,
but it won't work.
You can't keep the train here.
It's got to go into Pixley to take those
salesmen who spent the night here.
Well, Uncle Joe...
Your second mistake
was in thinking
you could change Bedloe's mind
by being nice to him.
Fella like that you've
got to outsmart...
outthink.
Uncle... I got it. I got it.
We'll sneak everybody
but him onto the train
and send it on into Pixley
before he comes down.
Kate, you know, putting
him in the softest bed
in the quietest room and
taking his breakfast up to him
was one of the luckiest
blunders you ever made.
It's playing right
into my scheme.
(train whistle blowing)
Who's blowing that
locomotive whistle?
My guess would be Charley.
He's the engineer.
He'll ruin all my plans.
(engine chugging)
(bell clanging)
The durn fool's pullin' out.
We won't have time
to wake the salesmen.
Well, they're on
the train, Uncle Joe.
How come?
I woke them up early.
(laughing)
Kate, this is your
morning for lucky blunders.
BETTY JO: Mom?
Mom, It worked.
We heard the train pull out.
And now Mr. Bedloe
can't go into Pixley.
Your idea was brilliant, Mom.
I knew it would work.
Oh, well... Wait
a minute, girls.
In all fairness,
Uncle Joe had the same idea.
That's true, girls.
It's just that your
mother got up first
and beat me to it.
Uncle Joe.
Morning, Mr. Bedloe.
All right, whose idea was
it to run off with my train
and leave me stranded?
Mr. Bedloe, uh...
Gentlemen are not permitted
in the dining room in their robes.
I am no gentleman,
and this is not my robe.
Now, do I get an
answer to my question?
All right, we'll let the
government settle it.
Stealing trains happens
to be a federal offense.
And everybody connected
with this conspiracy
is in very serious trouble.
I hope this teaches
you a lesson, Kate.
Next time you get
one of your crazy ideas,
check it over with me first.
I could have told you
this would never work.
Hey... What?
Somebody's hid my Indian again.
You know, Charley, I
feel kind of bad about us
running off and leaving
Kate to face the music.
Well, if it was
anybody else but Kate
I'd be mighty worried,
but that's one
woman in a million.
She sure is.
I never met a woman
yet to compare with Kate.
How come you never asked
her to marry you, Floyd?
I don't think I'm
good enough for her.
How about you?
I feel the same way.
You do?
I don't think you're good
enough for her, either.
Aw... We're comin'
on into Pixley.
Think we better stop?
Well, if we turn around
and go back to Shady Rest
Bedloe will grab the train.
Oh, I don't think so.
By the time we get back there,
Kate will have him
eating out of her hand.
Kate can kill a man
with kindness, all right.
Well, if she doesn't
kill 'em with kindness
them daughters of hers
will pretty him to death.
It's lunchtime, Mr. Bedloe.
Come right into the dining room.
Everything's ready for you.
Yeah?
What's everything?
Poisoned food,
booby traps, boiling oil?
What's waiting for
me behind that curtain?
Your lunch, Mr. Bedloe.
Down, sit down.
Everything's piping hot.
If you're expecting
me to change my mind
about canceling
the train, forget it.
That's a good idea.
Uncle Joe, a sour face is not
welcome in the dining room.
Then what'd you
bring him in for?
You can either smile
or stay in the kitchen.
I'll stay in the kitchen.
Please sit down.
Girls.
If this isn't a bribe,
why all the attention?
As long as you're
a guest in my hotel,
you're entitled to
Shady Rest hospitality.
We do not bring our
differences to the table.
All right, girls,
start the food.
More coffee?
More pie, Mr. Bedloe?
More cake?
(sighs)
How about some more
homemade ice cream?
(groans)
This time try my hot
fudge on a sundae
instead of strawberries
and peaches.
Oh, please, no more.
I've never had such
a meal in all my life.
Oh, go on.
I'll bet your wife cooks a
better meal than this every day.
Ha!
Of course, some women
don't care about cooking.
They're meant to just sit
around and look beautiful.
Ha!
Now don't tell me
your wife isn't beautiful.
She-She'd have to be,
to catch a successful,
good-looking man like you.
Ha!
Oh, yes, let's...
let's go into the lobby
where you can relax
and listen to the entertainment.
Entertainment?
Just a little singing
to settle the food.
Nothing like music after a meal.
What are you trying
to do, jump the track
and get a song wrote
about you like Casey Jones?
Well, I figure the faster
we go through Shady Rest,
the less chance Bedloe's
got of stopping us.
We're better than 20
miles out of Shady Rest.
Look at it this way, Charley,
the longer we
take getting there,
the longer Kate and
her girls is going to have
to work on Bedloe.
That's true.
I bet they're really
melting him down.
Oh, I'd sure like to be
in his shoes right now.
♪ Floating like a zephyr ♪
♪ On the soft summer air. ♪
Very nice.
Lovely voice.
All my daughters sing.
Girls, Mr. Bedloe
being a railroad man,
maybe he'd like to
hear a railroad song.
How about this one?
(plays sustained chord on organ)
♪ There's a train that runs
through this wide valley ♪
♪ That is loved by one and all ♪
♪ It's the train that
starts way up in Pixley ♪
♪ Called the
Hooterville Cannonball ♪
♪ Well, she makes her run
through the dead of winter ♪
♪ Through the
summer, spring and fall ♪
♪ Neither cold nor heat
nor flood can stop her ♪
♪ She's the Hooterville
Cannonball. ♪
(girls humming tune)
Yes, Mr. Bedloe.
The folks in this valley
depend on that train.
(humming sweetly)
It hauls the farmers'
crops to market.
It takes their
children to school.
It brings their
supplies from town.
And on Sunday, it
makes a special trip
just to take folks to church.
(humming continues)
When my three babies were born,
who came screaming
through the night
to bring the doctor to my side?
The Hooterville Cannonball.
The train whistle
speaks a language
we all understand.
To the children, it's a lullaby.
To the young
folks, a song of love.
And to the old, a
hymn of comfort.
Mr. Bedloe, the folks in this
valley haven't got much money,
but as long as
that little train runs,
they'll never be poor.
♪ That's the Hooterville
Cannonball... ♪
Mrs. Bradley, I
came here in anger
and you repaid me with kindness.
Oh... I gave you bad
news, and you gave me
warm and friendly hospitality.
You and your lovely daughters
have taken the time
and the trouble to explain
what the Hooterville
Cannonball means to you
and your neighbors.
After all of that,
could any man say...
"Scrap that little train"?
Just one.
Me.
The minute it gets
back from Pixley.
Oh.
Mr. Bedloe.
Have a chair.
Thanks. I will.
(whistle blowing)
Don't do that.
We're getting
close to Shady Rest,
and you'll tip off
Bedloe we're coming.
I think he knows it
already, Floyd... take a look.
FLOYD: It's Bedloe.
Right smack dab in
the middle of the track.
Think we oughta stop?
Of course we're gonna
stop, you smokehead.
That's one of
Kate's best chairs.
(wheels squealing)
Mr. Bedloe, listen to me.
I got something
to tell you. Please.
Wait a minute.
Floyd and Charley say they
can't back all the way to Pixley.
It'll be dangerous.
They gotta go on to Hooterville.
Fine. I can cancel the
train just as well from there.
Oh.
Mr. Bedloe, why
are you so dead set
on not letting this train run?
It's bad business. It
doesn't make any money.
But it doesn't lose any.
Floyd and Charley are
on pensions anyway,
and they get their
wood and water free.
Mrs. Bradley, this train
is the legal property
of the C. & F.W. Railroad,
and we are legally responsible
for everything
that happens to it.
If it runs off the track,
if it hurts somebody,
if it hits a cow,
we're responsible.
We can be sued.
Well, Floyd and Charley
have hit lots of things.
Nobody's ever sued.
But they could. No,
I'm sorry, Mrs. Bradley,
but running this branch line
just plain doesn't make sense.
(humming sweetly)
Doesn't it make sense to
help folks when they need it?
Bring the doctor
when you're sick?
Take little children to school?
Forget it. It won't work.
Now, go up there and tell those
two clowns in the locomotive,
they got 60 seconds
to get this thing rolling
or I'll cut off their pensions.
Guess you win, Mr. Bedloe.
I always do, Mrs. Bradley.
(train whistle blowing)
(engine chugging)
You know, Kate,
this is the first time
you ever rode up here.
And the last.
Why did you say that?
I thought you had a scheme
to keep this old train running.
Well, I have. That's why
I'm going into Hooterville,
but it's scary riding
up here going so fast.
Th-Those things
there ever blow up?
This one never has.
Just might today, though.
Why?
You're squeezing
that pipe so hard
you're shutting off our water.
Oh... Oof!
Can't you go a
little faster, Charley?
Hey! I suppose you
think that was pretty smart,
my sitting in that coach while
the engine went to Hooterville.
(chuckles) No, I thought
it was kinda stupid, myself.
I oughta knock
you over that railing.
You shouldn't have
said that, Bedloe.
Oh?!
Why not?!
'Cause it scared me.
Hey!
Wait a second.
Sit down.
Okay.
That stupid train the only
way to get to Hooterville?
No.
There's another way?
That's right.
You mean somebody can take me?
Yeah.
I can take you.
Now... Now, listen, old-timer.
I didn't mean to yell at you.
I know you're not in this
with these other people.
I can see you're
an intelligent man.
You can?
Mmm. Now, I'm
willing to pay you.
No, I-I didn't ask
for any money.
I know you didn't.
I'm-I'm forcing it on you.
Come on. Let's get going.
Hey. What is this?
I thought you were gonna
take me to Hooterville.
I am. We'll never get
there before tomorrow,
if you don't walk faster.
Walk?!
It's the only way you'll
get there, outside the train.
Well, why didn't you tell me?
You didn't ask me.
Let me have my money back.
Indian giver.
Hiya, boys.
Hi, Sam.
Kate.
Oh. Listen... Sam,
I need your help.
If we don't do something,
Charley and Floyd are
gonna lose their train.
Well, I hate to tell you this,
but they've already
lost part of it.
Oh, I don't mean that.
Boys, you go on
down and turn around
and pick us up on the way back.
Hurry up, boys!
All right, Kate.
Sam, are you still
a deputy sheriff?
I never was a deputy sheriff.
I was marshal at the
Fourth of July parade once.
That's close enough. Come on.
Well, what's this
all about, Kate?
Come on. I'll explain.
Don't worry, girls.
I'll handle Bedloe.
You know, fighting the
railroad's a man's job.
BETTY JO: Hey, everybody!
Mr. Bedloe got away. He's
on his way to Hooterville.
What?! Oh, no.
He found that old handcar
and got it on the track.
(train whistle blowing)
BEDLOE: Get outta here!
Hey! Whoa!
Stop the train.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Put him on the sofa, boys.
Is he hurt?
No, he's just all pumped out.
He'll be all right, soon
as he gets his wind back.
We run him for five miles.
Are you gonna be
all right, Mr. Bedloe?
I guess so.
Who are you?!
My name's Drucker.
Hey!
Marshal Drucker,
from Hooterville.
Marshal Drucker?
He's a lawman.
Thought you ran a general store.
Yeah, I do that, too. Also
publish the newspaper.
Yeah, plus being the postmaster.
And he's the mayor...
Never mind all that.
Oh! If you're a marshal, arrest
every one of these people.
What's the charge?
Stealing a train.
You mean Charley
and Floyd's train?
That's my train!
(groans): Oh!
I'm the official representative
of the C. & F. W. Railroads.
Marshal Drucker, do your duty.
Yeah. Be quick about it.
All right.
Mr. Bedloe, I hereby serve you
with these 27 summonses,
complaints, subpoenas
and overdue bills.
What for?!
For the damages caused by
your train during the past 20 years,
and for supplies furnished
and services rendered thereto
by the citizens of this valley
as named in the complaints,
etc. in your hands.
Why that's ridiculous.
Totals up to about $150,000.
Now, I wouldn't
call that ridiculous.
Baloney! What judge
would honor that?
Judge Drucker.
You?! Yeah.
I'll demand a jury trial.
Well, I don't think you could
find 12 men around here
that ain't in that
bunch of complainers.
Judge Drucker,
isn't there some way
that this thing can be
settled out of court?
Whadda ya mean, "out of court"?
I got him right
where I want him.
Uncle Joe, please!
SAM: Well, now, I'll tell you...
Kate, if Mr. Bedloe was to
go quietly back to the city
and let Floyd and Charley
resume running their railroad,
I might be inclined to
show a little judicial leniency
and postpone these
cases indefinitely.
Oh, don't do it.
Let's have a big trial.
Lots of people, be
good for business.
Shh.
Well, Mr. Bedloe,
what do you say?
What can I say?
You've got me over a barrel.
Well, come on, I'll back
you into Hooterville.
It won't be as fast as that
handcar, but a heap less tiring.
Look, Kate, you've pulled
some beauties today.
But letting him go is
the biggest blunder of all.
Oh, you think so?
Well, he admitted himself
we had him over a barrel.
Well, I'm sorry.
(laughs)
I don't blame you, Kate,
but from now on, leave
these things up to me.
You know, fighting a
railroad's a man's job.
I'll remember, Uncle Joe.
(chuckles)
(theme music playing)
This has been a
Filmways presentation.