Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 7, Episode 19 - The Play's the Thing - full transcript
[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some
kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ And nothing’s going
to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Cousin, cousin, cousin.
I’ve got some amazing news.
You’d better sit down.
I am sitting.
Well, then stand up.
Alright, now sit down.
I have been waiting
and waiting to find
just the right time to tell you.
Do you know how Ms. Lydia
is always wanting
exciting new scripts
for her theater group?
Mm‐hmm. Oh, don’t tell me
you gave Lydia my play!
Okay, I won’t tell you, but
then I won’t have any news.
You wanna make popcorn or...
Balki, I can’t believe
you gave her my script
without my permission.
My play, "Wheat," is still
a work in progress.
Oh, I’ll be humiliated!
The theater group will hate it!
I‐I’ll be a laughing stock!
Cousin, um, it opens on Friday.
They’ve been rehearsing
for weeks.
Everyone loves it!
Well, of course they love it.
It’s a brilliant
piece of writing.
Well, cousin,
I’ve never actually read it
but as the author you’ll be
particularly pleased to know
that the stage is brilliantly
managed by me.
I’m the stage manager!
They forgot my name!
My‐my duties include opening
and closing the curtain.
I’ve been practicing
in the shower all week.
[upbeat music]
Cousin, cousin, come on.
I’m gonna give you...
I’m gonna give you a complete
tour of the theater.
Now this...is the stage.
And, and these,
these are the chairs.
And that’s...just about it.
Oh, hi, Larry!
I love your play!
I bet you were really excited
when Balki told
you we’re doing it?
I sure was.
You know, the play is, uh,
somewhat autobiographical.
I based the character
of Lawrence on, well...me.
Well, despite that opening
night’s already sold out!
Cousin! Cousin, cousin, look!
Look! See them two guys?
The guy on the left, he’s
the director, Trevor McNeil.
’And the guy on the right
is the star of the show’
Brad Oliver.
You’ve seen him before!
‐I have?
‐Yes!
Last week
at Little Tony’s Pasta Palace.
He was our waiter.
Okay, in this scene
your brother, Billy
erupts in a fit of anger.
Now, Brad,
your character of Lawrence
is‐is basically a buffoon.
So your underlying
motivation is...
Bu...buffoonery?
Bravo, Brad! Yeah!
Thanks, Trevor, I’m depending
on your guidance to help make
this Lawrence character
a complete bonehead.
Good, good. And look, don’t let
the words get in your way.
We can always change
them later, huh?
Ho...ho...whoa,
whoa, no!
No, no, no, no, you‐you
can’t change the words.
The words are sacred.
‐Who are you?
‐I’m Larry Appleton.
The author of "Wheat."
And "Wheat" is perfect
as it is.
Every word is in its
proper place.
Oh, I see what’s going on here.
This is your first play
and you think you’ve
written a masterpiece.
Well, I’ll tell you what, if you
work real hard, maybe someday
you’ll have a career writing
game show questions, huh?
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Just a minute.
Cousin Larry happens
to be a published writer.
He fills in the bubbles
for the cartoon
"Dimitri’s World."
Ooh, that’s very impressive.
Now be a good little playwright
and get off my stage.
You, sir, are theatrically
illiterate!
I‐I‐I bet you thought
that "The King And I"
was the story
of Elvis and Priscilla!
You mean it’s not?
I don’t need this aggravation,
huh?
I don’t need this play! I quit!
Well, good! Who needs him?
I do! He’s my ride!
I quit!
Well, well, you still want to
put on this play, don’t you?
Boy, I’m guessing
Trevor has a van.
Larry, I just ran into
Trevor in the hall!
I cannot believe that
you made him quit!
Well, then, so, you’ll get
another director.
And then some more actors.
You can open in a couple months.
You know, that‐that would
really help me out a lot.
It‐it would give me time
to perfect my curtain‐closing.
Every time I practice
in the shower, someone’s in it
and they scream
and ruin my timing.
Well, I suppose we could
postpone, but I‐I don’t know
if Clive Rich will be available
in two months.
Clive Ric... Cli...
Clive Rich?
The Clive Rich was going
to review my play?
He was going to be here
on opening night
but now I’ll just have to call
him and tell him it’s off.
No, wait, Lydia!
Don’t‐don’t call anyone.
You‐you know the old show
business saying?
Feed a cold, starve an actor?
No, it’s, "The show must go on."
And it will.
I will be the director
and I, Larry Appleton
will star in "Wheat."
[upbeat music]
Alright! Alright, everybody!
People! People! Gather around!
Here we go. Okay.
I know it’s only a few
days until we open
but I’ve been up all
night rewriting "Wheat."
So that the five of us
can handle it, alright?
Now, I will play Lawrence,
the lead role and narrator.
Balki, you will be
my brother, Billy.
Jennifer...Lois.
Mary Anne...Bobbi Sue.
And Lydia...the Apple Lady.
Larry, we have never acted.
We’re gonna make
fools of ourselves.
The only thing I ever acted
in was the sixth grade
hygiene pageant.
I played Little Miss Gingivitis.
There is nothing to worry about.
I will guide you through.
I know everything there
is to know about the theater.
In college,
I was the head ticket taker.
So that’s why
they called you Stubby.
Larry, I just read the
description of Lois.
And when we get through this,
we’re going to have a nice
long discussion about
why you think your wife
should play your mother.
What about...
W‐w‐we’ll talk about it later.
Why don’t you go
with Lydia and Mary Anne
learn the lines
for the wheatfield scene
and Balki and I will start
rehearsal on stage.
At least in this play
I won’t be washed off
the stage by a giant Waterpik.
Cousin, um,
I have two small problems.
I’ll give you the big one first.
If I play your brother, Billy
how am I gonna still
be able to pull the curtain?
I’ve got a lot of time
invested in that.
You can still pull the curtain.
‐Really? Okay.
‐Yes.
Now, what’s your
second problem?
I don’t think I can play
your brother, Billy.
Why not?
Well, because Billy
in the script
is a mean, angry person
and I don’t think I can
be someone mean and angry.
It’s too different
from what I am.
So, um, I was thinking
maybe if Billy
was an immigrant mail boy
who now draws a cartoon...
‐I think I could get that.
‐Okay.
Balki, you don’t have
to be a mean person
to act a mean character
in a play.
See, you just, you just
have to think of a mean person
and then you become that person.
You think of a mean person,
and you become that person.
So just, just think of somebody
who is really mean.
I don’t know anyone really mean.
Sure you do.
Uh, uh, wait, oh, wait.
You were always telling
me back on Mypos
there‐there was a bully.
He used to always
steal your lunch
when you were going over Goat
Water Bridge to get to school?
Uh, Brunos.
I can’t talk about that, cousin.
‐I‐I‐I‐I still get nightmares.
‐No, it’s alright, alright.
You, you, you don’t
have to think about
what he did to you.
Just‐just think about
who he was.
Just‐just describe him. Hmm?
Well...
‐He was as big as an ox.
‐Mm‐hmm.
‐He was as strong as an ox.
‐Mm‐hmm.
‐He smelled like an ox.
‐Mm‐hmm.
W‐wait a minute.
He was an Ox. I’m thinking
of the family Ox, Mikey.
Brunos. Think of Brunos.
Think of Brunos.
Oh! Yeah.
‐I got him. I got him.
‐Okay, alright, alright.
Alright. Just‐just describe him.
What‐what‐what
did he sound like?
When he talked,
it was like thunder.
Mm‐hmm, okay, okay.
How did he move?
When he walked,
the whole island shook.
He wasn’t invited out
very often.
He wasn’t invited out
very often?
‐No.
‐Why not?
Because he was big
and smelly and scary.
And have you ever thought
how that made him feel?
‐Angry!
‐Mm‐hmm.
‐Angry!
‐Alright. Good! Good!
‐Become Brunos!
‐Ah!
It’s Friday night
and I’m all alone.
And I smell bad!
Great! Great!
You’re doing great!
You’re doing great! Oh!
Alright, alright. Now, come on,
let’s just, let’s just
try it with the lines, okay?
‐Okay.
‐Alright, alright. Here we go.
‐Yeah. Okay.
‐Here we go. Alright.
‐Angry, angry.
‐Angry!
‐Good! Okay, okay. Alright.
‐Yeah.
"Billy, who parked the thresher
down by Old Creek Road?"
"I did. What are you
going to do about it?"
No, no, no.
You lost the anger.
You lost the anger. It all
went right out the window.
Alright, what you have to do...
You have to retain the anger
when you say the lines.
Alright, alright,
what we need is a word...
...that will help you
to become Brunos.
A key word that will set off
your memory of Brunos
when he was at his meanest.
Alright, alright.
Where would you see Brunos?
Uh...well, uh, when I
was on my way to school.
And you’d be on your
way to school.
‐Yeah, I‐I‐I‐I would have‐‐
‐You’d have your lunch.
I’d have my lunch, and‐and I’d
be crossing over the‐the bridge.
Path to school. Okay, alright.
[snaps fingers]
I’ve got it. Lunch.
Bridge.
Alright... Uh, uh, school.
Bridge.
Alright, alright. Path.
Bridge!
Bridge! Bridge!
I’ve got it. Bridge!
[screaming]
Great! Great!
You’re doing great!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Alright! Alright!
Every time you hear that word
you will become Brunos!
Now, we can put that word
anywhere in the script!
Alright, come on.
Let’s try it with the lines.
‐Okay.
‐Here we go. Here we go.
Come on, come on. One more time.
Here we go. Alright, ready?
‐Yeah. Okay.
‐Alright, here we go.
"Billy, who parked the thresher
down by Old Creek...Bridge?"
"I did! What are you
gonna do about it?"
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
"Wheat."
Miles and miles of wheat.
In an era of depression
and hardship
there emerged a young man
struggling to save his family
from a failed wheat crop
and economic decline.
All while trying to realize
his dream of becoming an author.
I’m Lawrence,
and this is my story...
"...Wheat."
This is my mother. Ma.
Ma was a hard‐working woman
who paid the price
of pioneer life.
Her face was as dry and cracked
as the drought‐ridden earth.
She was 40, but looked 60.
Every afternoon,
Ma summoned me to supper
with her pleasant,
almost melodic voice.
Come and get it, Lawrence.
But she wasn’t
feeling well today.
Bu‐but no matter how she felt
Ma was always waiting
there to greet me with a hug.
Except Tuesday.
There was no hugging
on Tuesdays.
‐We always used to enjoy‐‐
‐Hello, Lawrence.
‐It is I, your brother, Billy!
‐Not now! Not now!
Get off the stage! Not now! Go,
go, go, go! Go away! Go away!
We always used
to enjoy a visit‐‐
[blabbering]
We always used
to enjoy...a visit from...
...from the Apple Lady.
One of the Apple Lady’s favorite
activities was to gossip.
Once she started talking
there was no stopping her.
So, Apple Lady, what’s new?
Well...
So, Apple Lady...what’s new?
Lydia. Lydia.
One of the Apple Lady’s second
favorite activities
was to come into a room
and stand there like a stone.
Mary Anne?
Hello, Lawrence!
It is I, your brother, Billy!
Not now, not yet!
No! Get Mary Anne!
Some of my fondest memories
were of my sweetheart love
Bobbi Sue. Hi, Bobbi Sue!
Hi, Lawrence!
Bobbi Sue was very considerate.
She always brought over a bottle
of fresh milk from her cow
Bessie.
I couldn’t find the milk.
Lawrence, may I pour you a tall,
cold glass of...
Oh, now that doesn’t
work at all, does it?
And so Bobbi Sue and Ma
moved to the big city.
And they took the Apple Lady
with them
to use as a doorstop.
And‐and with Ma and the,
and the rest of them gone
I was able to spend time alone
with my brother, Billy.
My brother, Billy!
Hello, Lawrence, it is I,
your brother, Billy!
On the surface,
Billy was a... Oh, God!
On the surface, Billy was a...
On the surface,
Billy was a good kid
but underneath there
lurked a time bomb
waiting to explode.
So, Billy
who parked the thresher
down by Old Creek Bridge?
I did! What are you gonna
do about it, huh?
Nothing! Nothing!
I’m sorry I asked!
‐You’re doing great!
‐Oh, thank you.
I‐I’ve been practicing.
Sure, Billy had his problems.
Heck, we all had our problems
but he was able
to bridge that gap.
’Sometimes...Billy could
be an understanding’
kind, thoughtful
and filled with compassion.
A caring brother.
Whose only thought was
the happiness of his family.
Wherever Billy went
there was only love.
Shut up and give me your lunch!
[screaming]
I guess today’s the day
that Billy goes off to college!
Bye, Billy! Write!
He never will.
Oh...so, where, where was I?
Oh, um...
Wheat.
Aha!
Spring break already?
Calm down, Balki.
Billy had trouble
adjusting to college.
And like many
struggling freshman
he developed a bizarre
furniture throwing disorder.
Ah!
Sure, sure, there
were barriers between us.
But Billy was always
able to tear ’em down. Oh, God.
Now you’re going
off the bridge!
[screaming]
(female #1)
’Curtain!’
Curtain? That’s my job!
[upbeat music]
Now let’s get you comfortable.
Cousin, I’m... Cousin, I‐I’m
sorry I threw you off the stage.
I’ll never forgive myself
for causing you to black out
and miss my curtain closing.
Oh, no, no, no,
Mary Anne, Mary Anne
that‐that’s gonna be too high.
Oh!
No, Mary Anne, Mary Anne, that’s
the good cushion, don’t do that.
Here, let’s try this one, okay?
Okay. Oh!
Oh...I know, I know.
I did it again.
I couldn’t leave
well enough alone.
If I hadn’t taken
over the play
and insisted on doing it my way,
everything would have been fine.
Oh, now, come on, cousin.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
‐Larry?
‐’Uh‐huh.’
Are, are you ready
to read the review yet?
Oh, no, no, please.
I‐I don’t want to hear anything
that‐that reminds me of "Wheat."
I‐I mean, I’m‐I’m just glad the
whole thing is‐is over and done.
As far as I’m concerned it’s
just all water under the bridge.
[screaming]
[theme music]
[theme music]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some
kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ And nothing’s going
to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Cousin, cousin, cousin.
I’ve got some amazing news.
You’d better sit down.
I am sitting.
Well, then stand up.
Alright, now sit down.
I have been waiting
and waiting to find
just the right time to tell you.
Do you know how Ms. Lydia
is always wanting
exciting new scripts
for her theater group?
Mm‐hmm. Oh, don’t tell me
you gave Lydia my play!
Okay, I won’t tell you, but
then I won’t have any news.
You wanna make popcorn or...
Balki, I can’t believe
you gave her my script
without my permission.
My play, "Wheat," is still
a work in progress.
Oh, I’ll be humiliated!
The theater group will hate it!
I‐I’ll be a laughing stock!
Cousin, um, it opens on Friday.
They’ve been rehearsing
for weeks.
Everyone loves it!
Well, of course they love it.
It’s a brilliant
piece of writing.
Well, cousin,
I’ve never actually read it
but as the author you’ll be
particularly pleased to know
that the stage is brilliantly
managed by me.
I’m the stage manager!
They forgot my name!
My‐my duties include opening
and closing the curtain.
I’ve been practicing
in the shower all week.
[upbeat music]
Cousin, cousin, come on.
I’m gonna give you...
I’m gonna give you a complete
tour of the theater.
Now this...is the stage.
And, and these,
these are the chairs.
And that’s...just about it.
Oh, hi, Larry!
I love your play!
I bet you were really excited
when Balki told
you we’re doing it?
I sure was.
You know, the play is, uh,
somewhat autobiographical.
I based the character
of Lawrence on, well...me.
Well, despite that opening
night’s already sold out!
Cousin! Cousin, cousin, look!
Look! See them two guys?
The guy on the left, he’s
the director, Trevor McNeil.
’And the guy on the right
is the star of the show’
Brad Oliver.
You’ve seen him before!
‐I have?
‐Yes!
Last week
at Little Tony’s Pasta Palace.
He was our waiter.
Okay, in this scene
your brother, Billy
erupts in a fit of anger.
Now, Brad,
your character of Lawrence
is‐is basically a buffoon.
So your underlying
motivation is...
Bu...buffoonery?
Bravo, Brad! Yeah!
Thanks, Trevor, I’m depending
on your guidance to help make
this Lawrence character
a complete bonehead.
Good, good. And look, don’t let
the words get in your way.
We can always change
them later, huh?
Ho...ho...whoa,
whoa, no!
No, no, no, no, you‐you
can’t change the words.
The words are sacred.
‐Who are you?
‐I’m Larry Appleton.
The author of "Wheat."
And "Wheat" is perfect
as it is.
Every word is in its
proper place.
Oh, I see what’s going on here.
This is your first play
and you think you’ve
written a masterpiece.
Well, I’ll tell you what, if you
work real hard, maybe someday
you’ll have a career writing
game show questions, huh?
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Just a minute.
Cousin Larry happens
to be a published writer.
He fills in the bubbles
for the cartoon
"Dimitri’s World."
Ooh, that’s very impressive.
Now be a good little playwright
and get off my stage.
You, sir, are theatrically
illiterate!
I‐I‐I bet you thought
that "The King And I"
was the story
of Elvis and Priscilla!
You mean it’s not?
I don’t need this aggravation,
huh?
I don’t need this play! I quit!
Well, good! Who needs him?
I do! He’s my ride!
I quit!
Well, well, you still want to
put on this play, don’t you?
Boy, I’m guessing
Trevor has a van.
Larry, I just ran into
Trevor in the hall!
I cannot believe that
you made him quit!
Well, then, so, you’ll get
another director.
And then some more actors.
You can open in a couple months.
You know, that‐that would
really help me out a lot.
It‐it would give me time
to perfect my curtain‐closing.
Every time I practice
in the shower, someone’s in it
and they scream
and ruin my timing.
Well, I suppose we could
postpone, but I‐I don’t know
if Clive Rich will be available
in two months.
Clive Ric... Cli...
Clive Rich?
The Clive Rich was going
to review my play?
He was going to be here
on opening night
but now I’ll just have to call
him and tell him it’s off.
No, wait, Lydia!
Don’t‐don’t call anyone.
You‐you know the old show
business saying?
Feed a cold, starve an actor?
No, it’s, "The show must go on."
And it will.
I will be the director
and I, Larry Appleton
will star in "Wheat."
[upbeat music]
Alright! Alright, everybody!
People! People! Gather around!
Here we go. Okay.
I know it’s only a few
days until we open
but I’ve been up all
night rewriting "Wheat."
So that the five of us
can handle it, alright?
Now, I will play Lawrence,
the lead role and narrator.
Balki, you will be
my brother, Billy.
Jennifer...Lois.
Mary Anne...Bobbi Sue.
And Lydia...the Apple Lady.
Larry, we have never acted.
We’re gonna make
fools of ourselves.
The only thing I ever acted
in was the sixth grade
hygiene pageant.
I played Little Miss Gingivitis.
There is nothing to worry about.
I will guide you through.
I know everything there
is to know about the theater.
In college,
I was the head ticket taker.
So that’s why
they called you Stubby.
Larry, I just read the
description of Lois.
And when we get through this,
we’re going to have a nice
long discussion about
why you think your wife
should play your mother.
What about...
W‐w‐we’ll talk about it later.
Why don’t you go
with Lydia and Mary Anne
learn the lines
for the wheatfield scene
and Balki and I will start
rehearsal on stage.
At least in this play
I won’t be washed off
the stage by a giant Waterpik.
Cousin, um,
I have two small problems.
I’ll give you the big one first.
If I play your brother, Billy
how am I gonna still
be able to pull the curtain?
I’ve got a lot of time
invested in that.
You can still pull the curtain.
‐Really? Okay.
‐Yes.
Now, what’s your
second problem?
I don’t think I can play
your brother, Billy.
Why not?
Well, because Billy
in the script
is a mean, angry person
and I don’t think I can
be someone mean and angry.
It’s too different
from what I am.
So, um, I was thinking
maybe if Billy
was an immigrant mail boy
who now draws a cartoon...
‐I think I could get that.
‐Okay.
Balki, you don’t have
to be a mean person
to act a mean character
in a play.
See, you just, you just
have to think of a mean person
and then you become that person.
You think of a mean person,
and you become that person.
So just, just think of somebody
who is really mean.
I don’t know anyone really mean.
Sure you do.
Uh, uh, wait, oh, wait.
You were always telling
me back on Mypos
there‐there was a bully.
He used to always
steal your lunch
when you were going over Goat
Water Bridge to get to school?
Uh, Brunos.
I can’t talk about that, cousin.
‐I‐I‐I‐I still get nightmares.
‐No, it’s alright, alright.
You, you, you don’t
have to think about
what he did to you.
Just‐just think about
who he was.
Just‐just describe him. Hmm?
Well...
‐He was as big as an ox.
‐Mm‐hmm.
‐He was as strong as an ox.
‐Mm‐hmm.
‐He smelled like an ox.
‐Mm‐hmm.
W‐wait a minute.
He was an Ox. I’m thinking
of the family Ox, Mikey.
Brunos. Think of Brunos.
Think of Brunos.
Oh! Yeah.
‐I got him. I got him.
‐Okay, alright, alright.
Alright. Just‐just describe him.
What‐what‐what
did he sound like?
When he talked,
it was like thunder.
Mm‐hmm, okay, okay.
How did he move?
When he walked,
the whole island shook.
He wasn’t invited out
very often.
He wasn’t invited out
very often?
‐No.
‐Why not?
Because he was big
and smelly and scary.
And have you ever thought
how that made him feel?
‐Angry!
‐Mm‐hmm.
‐Angry!
‐Alright. Good! Good!
‐Become Brunos!
‐Ah!
It’s Friday night
and I’m all alone.
And I smell bad!
Great! Great!
You’re doing great!
You’re doing great! Oh!
Alright, alright. Now, come on,
let’s just, let’s just
try it with the lines, okay?
‐Okay.
‐Alright, alright. Here we go.
‐Yeah. Okay.
‐Here we go. Alright.
‐Angry, angry.
‐Angry!
‐Good! Okay, okay. Alright.
‐Yeah.
"Billy, who parked the thresher
down by Old Creek Road?"
"I did. What are you
going to do about it?"
No, no, no.
You lost the anger.
You lost the anger. It all
went right out the window.
Alright, what you have to do...
You have to retain the anger
when you say the lines.
Alright, alright,
what we need is a word...
...that will help you
to become Brunos.
A key word that will set off
your memory of Brunos
when he was at his meanest.
Alright, alright.
Where would you see Brunos?
Uh...well, uh, when I
was on my way to school.
And you’d be on your
way to school.
‐Yeah, I‐I‐I‐I would have‐‐
‐You’d have your lunch.
I’d have my lunch, and‐and I’d
be crossing over the‐the bridge.
Path to school. Okay, alright.
[snaps fingers]
I’ve got it. Lunch.
Bridge.
Alright... Uh, uh, school.
Bridge.
Alright, alright. Path.
Bridge!
Bridge! Bridge!
I’ve got it. Bridge!
[screaming]
Great! Great!
You’re doing great!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Alright! Alright!
Every time you hear that word
you will become Brunos!
Now, we can put that word
anywhere in the script!
Alright, come on.
Let’s try it with the lines.
‐Okay.
‐Here we go. Here we go.
Come on, come on. One more time.
Here we go. Alright, ready?
‐Yeah. Okay.
‐Alright, here we go.
"Billy, who parked the thresher
down by Old Creek...Bridge?"
"I did! What are you
gonna do about it?"
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
"Wheat."
Miles and miles of wheat.
In an era of depression
and hardship
there emerged a young man
struggling to save his family
from a failed wheat crop
and economic decline.
All while trying to realize
his dream of becoming an author.
I’m Lawrence,
and this is my story...
"...Wheat."
This is my mother. Ma.
Ma was a hard‐working woman
who paid the price
of pioneer life.
Her face was as dry and cracked
as the drought‐ridden earth.
She was 40, but looked 60.
Every afternoon,
Ma summoned me to supper
with her pleasant,
almost melodic voice.
Come and get it, Lawrence.
But she wasn’t
feeling well today.
Bu‐but no matter how she felt
Ma was always waiting
there to greet me with a hug.
Except Tuesday.
There was no hugging
on Tuesdays.
‐We always used to enjoy‐‐
‐Hello, Lawrence.
‐It is I, your brother, Billy!
‐Not now! Not now!
Get off the stage! Not now! Go,
go, go, go! Go away! Go away!
We always used
to enjoy a visit‐‐
[blabbering]
We always used
to enjoy...a visit from...
...from the Apple Lady.
One of the Apple Lady’s favorite
activities was to gossip.
Once she started talking
there was no stopping her.
So, Apple Lady, what’s new?
Well...
So, Apple Lady...what’s new?
Lydia. Lydia.
One of the Apple Lady’s second
favorite activities
was to come into a room
and stand there like a stone.
Mary Anne?
Hello, Lawrence!
It is I, your brother, Billy!
Not now, not yet!
No! Get Mary Anne!
Some of my fondest memories
were of my sweetheart love
Bobbi Sue. Hi, Bobbi Sue!
Hi, Lawrence!
Bobbi Sue was very considerate.
She always brought over a bottle
of fresh milk from her cow
Bessie.
I couldn’t find the milk.
Lawrence, may I pour you a tall,
cold glass of...
Oh, now that doesn’t
work at all, does it?
And so Bobbi Sue and Ma
moved to the big city.
And they took the Apple Lady
with them
to use as a doorstop.
And‐and with Ma and the,
and the rest of them gone
I was able to spend time alone
with my brother, Billy.
My brother, Billy!
Hello, Lawrence, it is I,
your brother, Billy!
On the surface,
Billy was a... Oh, God!
On the surface, Billy was a...
On the surface,
Billy was a good kid
but underneath there
lurked a time bomb
waiting to explode.
So, Billy
who parked the thresher
down by Old Creek Bridge?
I did! What are you gonna
do about it, huh?
Nothing! Nothing!
I’m sorry I asked!
‐You’re doing great!
‐Oh, thank you.
I‐I’ve been practicing.
Sure, Billy had his problems.
Heck, we all had our problems
but he was able
to bridge that gap.
’Sometimes...Billy could
be an understanding’
kind, thoughtful
and filled with compassion.
A caring brother.
Whose only thought was
the happiness of his family.
Wherever Billy went
there was only love.
Shut up and give me your lunch!
[screaming]
I guess today’s the day
that Billy goes off to college!
Bye, Billy! Write!
He never will.
Oh...so, where, where was I?
Oh, um...
Wheat.
Aha!
Spring break already?
Calm down, Balki.
Billy had trouble
adjusting to college.
And like many
struggling freshman
he developed a bizarre
furniture throwing disorder.
Ah!
Sure, sure, there
were barriers between us.
But Billy was always
able to tear ’em down. Oh, God.
Now you’re going
off the bridge!
[screaming]
(female #1)
’Curtain!’
Curtain? That’s my job!
[upbeat music]
Now let’s get you comfortable.
Cousin, I’m... Cousin, I‐I’m
sorry I threw you off the stage.
I’ll never forgive myself
for causing you to black out
and miss my curtain closing.
Oh, no, no, no,
Mary Anne, Mary Anne
that‐that’s gonna be too high.
Oh!
No, Mary Anne, Mary Anne, that’s
the good cushion, don’t do that.
Here, let’s try this one, okay?
Okay. Oh!
Oh...I know, I know.
I did it again.
I couldn’t leave
well enough alone.
If I hadn’t taken
over the play
and insisted on doing it my way,
everything would have been fine.
Oh, now, come on, cousin.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
‐Larry?
‐’Uh‐huh.’
Are, are you ready
to read the review yet?
Oh, no, no, please.
I‐I don’t want to hear anything
that‐that reminds me of "Wheat."
I‐I mean, I’m‐I’m just glad the
whole thing is‐is over and done.
As far as I’m concerned it’s
just all water under the bridge.
[screaming]
[theme music]
[theme music]