Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 5, Episode 21 - This Old House - full transcript
[theme music]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what
the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna
stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life ♪
♪ And my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna
stop me now ♪
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
Dimitri, I know
you don’t like baths
but if you insist on crawling
behind the refrigerator
I have no choice.
Balki!
[panting]
All our dreams are
about to come true.
Suzanne Somers is coming
back to prime time?
No. No, Balki,
that’s your dream.
What I mean is we
are going to be rich!
Cousin, I’d
love to be rich
but don’t that
require money?
No. No. You don’t understand.
We are going to be rich!
But first, we are
going to buy a house.
I’d love to buy a house.
But again, don’t we have
that same pesky money problem?
No. No. We don’t.
I just came from a seminar
called "Dare To Make A Fortune."
It shows you how to buy
a house for no money down.
It was brilliant.
Now, I have a plan.
Oh, God.
A plan that is going
to make us both rich
beyond our wildest dreams.
Cousin, I’ve been
keeping some notes
on plans you’ve
had over the years.
[thud]
Seven of your plans
have cost me money.
Thirteen of your plans
have cost me
pride and dignity.
And three of them eventually
required an ointment.
Okay, fine.
If you don’t want
to dare to make a fortune
I guess that’s up to you.
Well, thank you for letting me
off the hook so easily.
If you want to reject
a basic principle
of the American way of life,
I guess you can do that.
Alright, can we just skip
to the part where I give in?
Because this is really
eating up my day.
Alright, partner.
Now, here’s the plan.
We buy a house.
We get the owner
to carry back paper.
We don’t need money because
the seller takes a second
reimburses the buyer
for the amount of the down.
You understand?
Everything except the part that
came after, "Alright, partner."
Trust me, Balki,
I’ll guide you through it.
After we buy
a house for no money
we fix it up a little
and then we sell it.
We use the profits
to buy a better house.
And then we
sell that house
for an even bigger
profit and so on.
So what do you say, Balki?
Shall we dare to make a fortune?
Well...why not?
Today I, I went
to the park
and some kid dared
me to eat a bug.
I got through that.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
"White."
"Eggshell."
"Cream."
(Balki)
’Mary Anne, check
out these floors.’
’They’re peg ’n’ groove.’
‐Balki?
‐’Yeah.’
What do you
think of cream?
Oh, the greatest center
in the history of basketball.
Not Kareem. Cream.
Cream. C‐R‐E‐A‐M.
Oh, Cream.
[laughs]
I feel like an idiot.
I think, uh, Cream was
one of the best groups
in the history
of rock ’n’ roll.
[imitating a guitar]
Girls, what
do you think?
Guys, I’m impressed.
This house is beautiful.
Yeah, and it’s so big.
Tell me something
I do know.
This house is as nice as
the palace of the King of Mypos.
Only, instead of a stairway
coming down from the bedroom
his serene highness
has a water slide.
‐Cousin, I was wondering‐‐
‐No.
Uh, I...
Couldn’t we put
in a water slide?
No. No major remodeling.
We’re just gonna clean the place
up, slap on a new coat of paint
turn it over
for a quick profit
and we move on
to our next house.
That sounds great.
Who are you gonna
hire to do the work?
Well, we’re gonna
do it ourselves.
Oh.
Ladies, I’m picking up
a little doubt here.
Balki and I know
what we’re doing.
We don’t need any
professional help.
Well, you’re right.
You’ll‐you’ll probably
do a great job.
Wanna bet?
Uh, Mary Anne, come on.
Uh, we’re gonna miss our flight.
Bye‐bye.
You’re sweeping me
off my feet again.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
‐Bye‐bye.
‐Bye.
[sighs]
Okay, let’s
get to work.
Okay.
Cousin, maybe...maybe
the girls were right.
Maybe we should have
hired professional help.
Oh, nonsense.
A professional
would cost us money
and we’re here to make
a fortune, not to spend one.
Alright, let’s get started.
Oh, uh, Balki, wanna
grab that drop cloth?
Oh, sure.
I’ll tell you what,
you set up the ladder
and, uh, I’ll
get the brushes.
‐Okay.
‐Alright.
Oh, cousin?
Ooh.
Careful, Balki.
A ladder is not a toy.
Cousin, you’re
absolutely right.
Thank you.
[thud]
[instrumental music]
♪ Spritz spritz spritz
rub rub rub ♪
♪ And a couple of tra‐la‐las ♪
♪ That’s how we
shine the banister ♪
♪ In this merry
old house of ours ♪
Balki, a car
just pulled up.
We are going to have
this house sold by lunch.
[knocking on door]
Uh, we saw
the sign out front.
Oh, yeah? Come in. Come on in.
Uh, take a look around.
I’m Elliot.
This is my wife, Hope.
Oh, hi.
I’m Larry. This is
my cousin, Balki.
How much are you
asking for the house?
A hundred and fifty
thousand dollars.
Unless you went to the
"Dare To Make A Fortune" seminar
in which case you know how
to get the house for free.
Forgive him. He’s from
an Eastern Bloc country.
They’re all in
a state of confusion.
Why don’t you
take a look around?
Thanks. Honey?
What is the matter
with you?
They are going
to buy this house.
If you’ll keep
your mouth shut
we could be on our way
to being filthy rich.
You know, this house
is exactly like the one
we saw down the street.
I like the other house
better than this one.
You mean, the one they built
on top of the old cemetery?
Uh...would you excuse
us for a minute, please?
Honey, the only difference
is the other house
has new doors and a fancy
chandelier in the entry.
And they’re asking
$20,000 more
than these guys
want for this place.
I think we should
snap this place up
before somebody
else buys it.
Let’s do it.
Okay, we’ll
take the house.
Cousin, we sold the house!
Now we are so happy
we do the Dance of Joy!
♪ Dai dai dai dai... ♪
Cousin...
...mama told me never
to do the Dance of Joy alone
or I would go blind.
I’m sorry.
The house is not for sale.
But, but you
just said it was.
Cousin, uh, he’s right.
I‐I was right here.
I heard you.
I know, uh, but, uh
well, I was born
in this house...
...and so were my parents
and all my close friends.
Uh, the memories
just came rushing back
and, well, it’s
just not for sale.
I’m sorry. But I hope
you find something else‐‐
I‐I really
like this house.
‐Maybe in the neighborhood.
‐I‐I’d like to buy this house‐‐
‐I’m sorry.
‐Take care.
Very nice to meet you.
Cousin, I thought you were
born in Madison, Wisconsin.
I was.
And they moved this house
all the way from Wisconsin?
Yes.
Balki, didn’t you hear
what those people said?
If we put in some new
doors, some fixtures
and‐and a chandelier
we can get an extra
$20,000 for this place.
Wait a minute.
You weren’t born
in this house.
I bet not even half your
friends were born in this house.
You just want
to make more money.
Yes! I want
to make more money.
And if we do
a little remodeling
that’s exactly
what we’ll do.
Balki, I have a plan.
We are going to dare
to make an even bigger fortune.
And me with no ointment.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Well, Balki, we’re
in the home stretch.
All we have to do
is hang this chandelier
then we can sell this baby
and move on to our next house.
Cousin, you’re turning
me into a believer.
The house looks great
and you got a good deal
on this chandelier.
Yeah, great chandelier.
You know, life is funny.
The Driskill Hotel
is condemned...
...hundreds of people
lose their jobs...
...bad for them,
good for us.
Come on, let’s hoist
this baby into place.
‐Alright, ready?
‐Yeah.
Pull.
[grunting]
‐Are we there yet?
‐No.
It’s not working.
Balki, we’re using too much
brawn, not enough brains.
What we need
is more leverage.
Balki, follow me.
Grab on to the rope.
[spits]
‐You ready?
‐Yeah.
There we go.
Balki, a couple more
jumps off the stairs
and we’ll have
this baby in place.
[tinkling]
Cousin!
Cousin!
‐You hear that?
‐What?
It’s the ice cream truck
coming down the street!
Huh? Whoa! Balki!
Balki! Balki!
Sorry, cousin.
[instrumental music]
Well, Balki, we’re
in the home stretch.
All we have to do is finish
putting in these light bulbs
then we can sell this baby
and move on to our next house.
Well, cousin, if we do...
...we’ll have to start
a new category for your plans.
‐Yeah? What’s that?
‐Plans that work.
Whoop! Whoa!
‐Careful.
‐Sorry.
Let’s just finish putting
in these light bulbs.
Ah!
Ah! Balki!
Get the ladder!
Get the ladder!
Get the ladder! Whoo...
Get the ladder!
Get the ladder, Balki!
Oh! Oh!
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Well, cousin, we’re
in the home stretch.
All we have to do is find
a way to get down from here
and then we can sell this baby
and move on to our next house.
I don’t suppose you
went to a seminar on
how to get out
of a light fixture?
[tinkling]
Come on, Balki, we
can get through this.
It’s not like
we’re the first guys
to get stuck
in a chandelier.
Cousin, let’s be honest.
Jennifer was right.
We‐we should have
hired professional help.
I mean, cleaning
and‐and painting were easy
but now we’re in
over our heads.
In fact, I think we’re in
over most people’s heads.
[thwacks]
[gasps]
Well, who had time
to hire professional help?
We’re racing
against the clock.
We got to sell this house
within the next ten days.
Wait a minute,
why are we in such a hurry?
I was hoping to join
the neighborhood watch
and take a bite
out of crime.
Balki...there is
part of the plan
I didn’t tell you about.
Nothing good can
follow that sentence.
It’s true we bought
the house for no money down...
...but in ten days...
our house payment is due.
Uh‐huh.
Just out of curiosity
how much would that
house payment be?
A hundred and forty
thousand dollars.
A h‐hundred and forty
thousand dollars?
I got a 30‐day loan.
I thought that’s all we needed.
Who knew?
Yoo‐hoo.
Well, they said they
were gonna be here.
Larry?
Balki, are you here?
‐Yes.
‐We’re up here.
Hi, guys.
The house looks great.
You should see
it from up here.
This a bad time?
No, no, no.
We’re‐we’re just,
uh, finishing up.
C‐could‐could you j‐just
slide that ladder over here?
Okay, I owe you 20 bucks.
[instrumental music]
If you don’t like the color,
well, we can repaint.
I‐I wanted
to go with cream.
I‐I thought it would
look really nice in here...
Looky‐loos.
Balki, we haven’t
received a single offer.
Our house payment is due.
If we don’t get at least
a $140,000 for this house
we’ll be ruined.
Well, cousin, I...
I agree we’re in debt
up to our chandelier,
but...I figured it out.
If we sell
everything we own
we’ll only
be short $132,000.
[crying]
Cousin, I can see nothing’s
going to cheer you up.
[crying]
I don’t wanna...
Are you the owners?
Oh...
...I know.
The color’s wrong,
the rooms are too small.
Thanks for stopping by.
Well, yes, but we’re still
interested in the house.
‐You are?
‐We’re the Hendersons.
I’m Skitch and this
is my wife, Florence.
‐Hello.
‐Well, you’re just in time.
My associate and I
were just considering
which offer on
the house to accept.
‐We were?
‐Oh.
‐You’ve had a lot of offers?
‐Yes.
We have?
Yes, uh, but we can
always consider another one.
Don’t you agree,
Balki? Balki? Balki?
[thwacks]
Y‐yes, yes, i‐in fact,
if we had one more offer
it might help us to decide
which offer to accept.
Well, how much
are you asking?
A hundred and seventy
thousand dollars.
‐A hundred and twenty.
‐A hundred and twenty!
Ow.
You know, in some
parts of the world
an offer that low would
be considered an insult.
And my associate would
have to beat himself
with a leather strap.
I would like to point out
that the chandelier alone
is worth $10,000.
You won’t find another
one like it anywhere.
Unless another
hotel goes belly up.
Alright, a 140,000.
[rattles]
‐Ah! Ah! Ah!
‐I know. I know, Balki.
I’m a little shocked
at their offer myself.
A hundred and forty
thousand dollars.
Mr. Henderson,
you can’t expect me
to seriously consider
an offer that low.
[rattles]
[tinkling]
Cousin. Cousin. Cousin.
He’ll come up.
Mr. Henderson, uh, my
price is a $170,000 firm.
[rattles]
Cousin. Cousin.
No, Balki.
I’m not coming down.
It’s not your coming
down that’s worrying me.
Could you, could you excuse us?
Cousin, the chandelier
is falling.
[rattles]
Oh, my Lord!
We got to close
this deal fast.
No, no, no, cousin.
We can’t sell them a house
with a falling chandelier.
Balki, if we sell
the house, I promise
I’ll hire a professional
to fix the chandelier.
‐You promise?
‐I promise.
Okay.
Yeah, a $140,000, you’ve
got yourself a house.
Why don’t we walk out to my
car and sign the papers?
Why don’t we run
out to your car?
Wait a minute, wait a minute,
I’ve lost my contact lens.
Oh, no, no, no.
There’s a free set of contact
lenses come with the house.
But I’d like my
contact lens, please‐‐
‐No, no, no.
‐No, no, no.
‐We’ll‐we’ll do it together.
‐Um, we...
Ready?
Yeah.
[intense music]
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I got it! I got it!
Thank you very much.
‐No trouble.
‐Is something wrong?
No! No, no, everything is fine.
And congratulations.
You just bought yourself
a house for a $140,000.
[clicks]
[intense music]
[clanking]
Okay, a 135,000.
[instrumental music]
Well, cousin,
I figured it out.
Daring to make a fortune
only cost us $42.
A month.
For the rest of our lives.
I’m sorry, Balki.
I guess I just let my greed
hormones run wild again.
[sighs]
I could have sold the house
for a nice little profit.
But no‐o‐o.
It wasn’t enough
for Larry Appleton.
[imitating Larry]
No‐o‐o, it wasn’t.
‐I wanted more.
‐Ye‐e‐es, you did.
‐Well, I learned my lesson.
‐Oh‐h‐h, I doubt that.
No, Balki, I did.
In fact, n‐next week
I’m taking a seminar
"How To Profit
From Your Mistakes."
Well, cousin,
if there is a profit
to be made from mistakes...
...you’re gonna be a rich man.
[theme music]
[theme music]
[music continues]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what
the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna
stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life ♪
♪ And my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna
stop me now ♪
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
Dimitri, I know
you don’t like baths
but if you insist on crawling
behind the refrigerator
I have no choice.
Balki!
[panting]
All our dreams are
about to come true.
Suzanne Somers is coming
back to prime time?
No. No, Balki,
that’s your dream.
What I mean is we
are going to be rich!
Cousin, I’d
love to be rich
but don’t that
require money?
No. No. You don’t understand.
We are going to be rich!
But first, we are
going to buy a house.
I’d love to buy a house.
But again, don’t we have
that same pesky money problem?
No. No. We don’t.
I just came from a seminar
called "Dare To Make A Fortune."
It shows you how to buy
a house for no money down.
It was brilliant.
Now, I have a plan.
Oh, God.
A plan that is going
to make us both rich
beyond our wildest dreams.
Cousin, I’ve been
keeping some notes
on plans you’ve
had over the years.
[thud]
Seven of your plans
have cost me money.
Thirteen of your plans
have cost me
pride and dignity.
And three of them eventually
required an ointment.
Okay, fine.
If you don’t want
to dare to make a fortune
I guess that’s up to you.
Well, thank you for letting me
off the hook so easily.
If you want to reject
a basic principle
of the American way of life,
I guess you can do that.
Alright, can we just skip
to the part where I give in?
Because this is really
eating up my day.
Alright, partner.
Now, here’s the plan.
We buy a house.
We get the owner
to carry back paper.
We don’t need money because
the seller takes a second
reimburses the buyer
for the amount of the down.
You understand?
Everything except the part that
came after, "Alright, partner."
Trust me, Balki,
I’ll guide you through it.
After we buy
a house for no money
we fix it up a little
and then we sell it.
We use the profits
to buy a better house.
And then we
sell that house
for an even bigger
profit and so on.
So what do you say, Balki?
Shall we dare to make a fortune?
Well...why not?
Today I, I went
to the park
and some kid dared
me to eat a bug.
I got through that.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
"White."
"Eggshell."
"Cream."
(Balki)
’Mary Anne, check
out these floors.’
’They’re peg ’n’ groove.’
‐Balki?
‐’Yeah.’
What do you
think of cream?
Oh, the greatest center
in the history of basketball.
Not Kareem. Cream.
Cream. C‐R‐E‐A‐M.
Oh, Cream.
[laughs]
I feel like an idiot.
I think, uh, Cream was
one of the best groups
in the history
of rock ’n’ roll.
[imitating a guitar]
Girls, what
do you think?
Guys, I’m impressed.
This house is beautiful.
Yeah, and it’s so big.
Tell me something
I do know.
This house is as nice as
the palace of the King of Mypos.
Only, instead of a stairway
coming down from the bedroom
his serene highness
has a water slide.
‐Cousin, I was wondering‐‐
‐No.
Uh, I...
Couldn’t we put
in a water slide?
No. No major remodeling.
We’re just gonna clean the place
up, slap on a new coat of paint
turn it over
for a quick profit
and we move on
to our next house.
That sounds great.
Who are you gonna
hire to do the work?
Well, we’re gonna
do it ourselves.
Oh.
Ladies, I’m picking up
a little doubt here.
Balki and I know
what we’re doing.
We don’t need any
professional help.
Well, you’re right.
You’ll‐you’ll probably
do a great job.
Wanna bet?
Uh, Mary Anne, come on.
Uh, we’re gonna miss our flight.
Bye‐bye.
You’re sweeping me
off my feet again.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
‐Bye‐bye.
‐Bye.
[sighs]
Okay, let’s
get to work.
Okay.
Cousin, maybe...maybe
the girls were right.
Maybe we should have
hired professional help.
Oh, nonsense.
A professional
would cost us money
and we’re here to make
a fortune, not to spend one.
Alright, let’s get started.
Oh, uh, Balki, wanna
grab that drop cloth?
Oh, sure.
I’ll tell you what,
you set up the ladder
and, uh, I’ll
get the brushes.
‐Okay.
‐Alright.
Oh, cousin?
Ooh.
Careful, Balki.
A ladder is not a toy.
Cousin, you’re
absolutely right.
Thank you.
[thud]
[instrumental music]
♪ Spritz spritz spritz
rub rub rub ♪
♪ And a couple of tra‐la‐las ♪
♪ That’s how we
shine the banister ♪
♪ In this merry
old house of ours ♪
Balki, a car
just pulled up.
We are going to have
this house sold by lunch.
[knocking on door]
Uh, we saw
the sign out front.
Oh, yeah? Come in. Come on in.
Uh, take a look around.
I’m Elliot.
This is my wife, Hope.
Oh, hi.
I’m Larry. This is
my cousin, Balki.
How much are you
asking for the house?
A hundred and fifty
thousand dollars.
Unless you went to the
"Dare To Make A Fortune" seminar
in which case you know how
to get the house for free.
Forgive him. He’s from
an Eastern Bloc country.
They’re all in
a state of confusion.
Why don’t you
take a look around?
Thanks. Honey?
What is the matter
with you?
They are going
to buy this house.
If you’ll keep
your mouth shut
we could be on our way
to being filthy rich.
You know, this house
is exactly like the one
we saw down the street.
I like the other house
better than this one.
You mean, the one they built
on top of the old cemetery?
Uh...would you excuse
us for a minute, please?
Honey, the only difference
is the other house
has new doors and a fancy
chandelier in the entry.
And they’re asking
$20,000 more
than these guys
want for this place.
I think we should
snap this place up
before somebody
else buys it.
Let’s do it.
Okay, we’ll
take the house.
Cousin, we sold the house!
Now we are so happy
we do the Dance of Joy!
♪ Dai dai dai dai... ♪
Cousin...
...mama told me never
to do the Dance of Joy alone
or I would go blind.
I’m sorry.
The house is not for sale.
But, but you
just said it was.
Cousin, uh, he’s right.
I‐I was right here.
I heard you.
I know, uh, but, uh
well, I was born
in this house...
...and so were my parents
and all my close friends.
Uh, the memories
just came rushing back
and, well, it’s
just not for sale.
I’m sorry. But I hope
you find something else‐‐
I‐I really
like this house.
‐Maybe in the neighborhood.
‐I‐I’d like to buy this house‐‐
‐I’m sorry.
‐Take care.
Very nice to meet you.
Cousin, I thought you were
born in Madison, Wisconsin.
I was.
And they moved this house
all the way from Wisconsin?
Yes.
Balki, didn’t you hear
what those people said?
If we put in some new
doors, some fixtures
and‐and a chandelier
we can get an extra
$20,000 for this place.
Wait a minute.
You weren’t born
in this house.
I bet not even half your
friends were born in this house.
You just want
to make more money.
Yes! I want
to make more money.
And if we do
a little remodeling
that’s exactly
what we’ll do.
Balki, I have a plan.
We are going to dare
to make an even bigger fortune.
And me with no ointment.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Well, Balki, we’re
in the home stretch.
All we have to do
is hang this chandelier
then we can sell this baby
and move on to our next house.
Cousin, you’re turning
me into a believer.
The house looks great
and you got a good deal
on this chandelier.
Yeah, great chandelier.
You know, life is funny.
The Driskill Hotel
is condemned...
...hundreds of people
lose their jobs...
...bad for them,
good for us.
Come on, let’s hoist
this baby into place.
‐Alright, ready?
‐Yeah.
Pull.
[grunting]
‐Are we there yet?
‐No.
It’s not working.
Balki, we’re using too much
brawn, not enough brains.
What we need
is more leverage.
Balki, follow me.
Grab on to the rope.
[spits]
‐You ready?
‐Yeah.
There we go.
Balki, a couple more
jumps off the stairs
and we’ll have
this baby in place.
[tinkling]
Cousin!
Cousin!
‐You hear that?
‐What?
It’s the ice cream truck
coming down the street!
Huh? Whoa! Balki!
Balki! Balki!
Sorry, cousin.
[instrumental music]
Well, Balki, we’re
in the home stretch.
All we have to do is finish
putting in these light bulbs
then we can sell this baby
and move on to our next house.
Well, cousin, if we do...
...we’ll have to start
a new category for your plans.
‐Yeah? What’s that?
‐Plans that work.
Whoop! Whoa!
‐Careful.
‐Sorry.
Let’s just finish putting
in these light bulbs.
Ah!
Ah! Balki!
Get the ladder!
Get the ladder!
Get the ladder! Whoo...
Get the ladder!
Get the ladder, Balki!
Oh! Oh!
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Well, cousin, we’re
in the home stretch.
All we have to do is find
a way to get down from here
and then we can sell this baby
and move on to our next house.
I don’t suppose you
went to a seminar on
how to get out
of a light fixture?
[tinkling]
Come on, Balki, we
can get through this.
It’s not like
we’re the first guys
to get stuck
in a chandelier.
Cousin, let’s be honest.
Jennifer was right.
We‐we should have
hired professional help.
I mean, cleaning
and‐and painting were easy
but now we’re in
over our heads.
In fact, I think we’re in
over most people’s heads.
[thwacks]
[gasps]
Well, who had time
to hire professional help?
We’re racing
against the clock.
We got to sell this house
within the next ten days.
Wait a minute,
why are we in such a hurry?
I was hoping to join
the neighborhood watch
and take a bite
out of crime.
Balki...there is
part of the plan
I didn’t tell you about.
Nothing good can
follow that sentence.
It’s true we bought
the house for no money down...
...but in ten days...
our house payment is due.
Uh‐huh.
Just out of curiosity
how much would that
house payment be?
A hundred and forty
thousand dollars.
A h‐hundred and forty
thousand dollars?
I got a 30‐day loan.
I thought that’s all we needed.
Who knew?
Yoo‐hoo.
Well, they said they
were gonna be here.
Larry?
Balki, are you here?
‐Yes.
‐We’re up here.
Hi, guys.
The house looks great.
You should see
it from up here.
This a bad time?
No, no, no.
We’re‐we’re just,
uh, finishing up.
C‐could‐could you j‐just
slide that ladder over here?
Okay, I owe you 20 bucks.
[instrumental music]
If you don’t like the color,
well, we can repaint.
I‐I wanted
to go with cream.
I‐I thought it would
look really nice in here...
Looky‐loos.
Balki, we haven’t
received a single offer.
Our house payment is due.
If we don’t get at least
a $140,000 for this house
we’ll be ruined.
Well, cousin, I...
I agree we’re in debt
up to our chandelier,
but...I figured it out.
If we sell
everything we own
we’ll only
be short $132,000.
[crying]
Cousin, I can see nothing’s
going to cheer you up.
[crying]
I don’t wanna...
Are you the owners?
Oh...
...I know.
The color’s wrong,
the rooms are too small.
Thanks for stopping by.
Well, yes, but we’re still
interested in the house.
‐You are?
‐We’re the Hendersons.
I’m Skitch and this
is my wife, Florence.
‐Hello.
‐Well, you’re just in time.
My associate and I
were just considering
which offer on
the house to accept.
‐We were?
‐Oh.
‐You’ve had a lot of offers?
‐Yes.
We have?
Yes, uh, but we can
always consider another one.
Don’t you agree,
Balki? Balki? Balki?
[thwacks]
Y‐yes, yes, i‐in fact,
if we had one more offer
it might help us to decide
which offer to accept.
Well, how much
are you asking?
A hundred and seventy
thousand dollars.
‐A hundred and twenty.
‐A hundred and twenty!
Ow.
You know, in some
parts of the world
an offer that low would
be considered an insult.
And my associate would
have to beat himself
with a leather strap.
I would like to point out
that the chandelier alone
is worth $10,000.
You won’t find another
one like it anywhere.
Unless another
hotel goes belly up.
Alright, a 140,000.
[rattles]
‐Ah! Ah! Ah!
‐I know. I know, Balki.
I’m a little shocked
at their offer myself.
A hundred and forty
thousand dollars.
Mr. Henderson,
you can’t expect me
to seriously consider
an offer that low.
[rattles]
[tinkling]
Cousin. Cousin. Cousin.
He’ll come up.
Mr. Henderson, uh, my
price is a $170,000 firm.
[rattles]
Cousin. Cousin.
No, Balki.
I’m not coming down.
It’s not your coming
down that’s worrying me.
Could you, could you excuse us?
Cousin, the chandelier
is falling.
[rattles]
Oh, my Lord!
We got to close
this deal fast.
No, no, no, cousin.
We can’t sell them a house
with a falling chandelier.
Balki, if we sell
the house, I promise
I’ll hire a professional
to fix the chandelier.
‐You promise?
‐I promise.
Okay.
Yeah, a $140,000, you’ve
got yourself a house.
Why don’t we walk out to my
car and sign the papers?
Why don’t we run
out to your car?
Wait a minute, wait a minute,
I’ve lost my contact lens.
Oh, no, no, no.
There’s a free set of contact
lenses come with the house.
But I’d like my
contact lens, please‐‐
‐No, no, no.
‐No, no, no.
‐We’ll‐we’ll do it together.
‐Um, we...
Ready?
Yeah.
[intense music]
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I got it! I got it!
Thank you very much.
‐No trouble.
‐Is something wrong?
No! No, no, everything is fine.
And congratulations.
You just bought yourself
a house for a $140,000.
[clicks]
[intense music]
[clanking]
Okay, a 135,000.
[instrumental music]
Well, cousin,
I figured it out.
Daring to make a fortune
only cost us $42.
A month.
For the rest of our lives.
I’m sorry, Balki.
I guess I just let my greed
hormones run wild again.
[sighs]
I could have sold the house
for a nice little profit.
But no‐o‐o.
It wasn’t enough
for Larry Appleton.
[imitating Larry]
No‐o‐o, it wasn’t.
‐I wanted more.
‐Ye‐e‐es, you did.
‐Well, I learned my lesson.
‐Oh‐h‐h, I doubt that.
No, Balki, I did.
In fact, n‐next week
I’m taking a seminar
"How To Profit
From Your Mistakes."
Well, cousin,
if there is a profit
to be made from mistakes...
...you’re gonna be a rich man.
[theme music]
[theme music]
[music continues]