Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 5, Episode 22 - Bye Bye Birdie - full transcript
[theme music]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind
of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall
on the wings of my dreams ♪
♪ Rise and fall
on the wings of my dreams ♪
♪ Through rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life my dream ♪
♪ And nothing’s gonna
stop me now ♪
(Larry)
’Come on,
Jennifer and Mary Anne.’
Just a little further.
Cousin...
...why, why you did pick a cabin
two miles away
from the rest of the group?
Are you trying to add to
your frequent hiker’s mileage?
Balki, Balki, Balki.
While everyone else
from "The Chronicle"
is way down the hill
playing volleyball
we’ll be up here
with Jennifer and Mary Anne
playing different games.
‐Huh?
‐Ah!
[laughing]
[both chuckling]
Stop it, stop it, stop it.
What are we talking about?
I’ll explain it to you later.
[sighs]
I love getting back to nature.
So do I.
I just wish it wasn’t
so far out in the country.
Hey, isn’t this place great?
Totally separate
from civilization.
No television, no telephone‐‐
Cousin, look, a radio.
I wonder, I wonder
if we could get
W‐A‐N‐E, Wane.
All Wayne Newton
all the time.
Oh, that’s my favorite station.
Let me try.
[music on radio]
‐Nice cabin, Larry.
‐Well, thanks.
I reserved it way in advance
to make sure
we had a nice, private
secluded cabin all to ourselves.
The damn toilet’s backed up.
I can’t believe I’m stuck
in this crummy cabin.
Gorpley, what are you
doing here?
Would you believe it? The idiots
in my cabin threw me out.
Of course, we believe it,
Mr. Gorpley.
Ooh, quiet, everybody.
There’s a news bulletin.
(man on radio)
’Convicted killer,
Howard Mad Dog Kraus’
’has escaped from prison.’
’Kraus is six feet four,
completely bald’
’and is considered
extremely dangerous.’
’He was last seen
in the vicinity’
’of the Big Piney
National Forest.
Wait a minute. We’re in
the Big Piney National Forest.
What if Mad Dog shows up here?
Well, if he does,
nobody try to pet him.
You know, uh,
maybe we better leave.
We’re very isolated up here.
Oh, my God, I’m gonna die
and I’ve already paid
this month’s alimony.
‐Let’s get out of here.
‐Yeah, good idea‐‐
Wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
Wait, people.
We came up here to have fun.
Now don’t tell me that you’re
going to let our whole weekend
be ruined by one six foot four,
bald‐headed, psychotic killer?
You’re letting your fears
get the best of you.
This happened once in Mypos.
It was right after
the great cucumber famine‐‐
Bartokomous, we have no time
to listen
to a stupid Mypos story.
Let’s get out of here.
Now, w‐wait, wait a minute.
‐I’ve heard this story.
‐You wanna hear it again?
‐No.
‐No.
Balki’s right.
We’re overreacting.
I mean, this is a big forest.
What are the chances of Mad Dog
finding this cabin?
Well, I’m gonna lock the door
just in case.
Alright.
I’ll start dinner.
By the time
the steaks are done
we’ll all realize
how silly we’re being.
[all screaming]
Hey, I thought
we all agreed steak was okay.
[screaming]
[gasping]
Oh, my god, it’s him.
‐It’s Mad Dog Kraus.
‐What are we gonna do?
The only thing we can do
is make a run for it.
[pounding on door]
(Mad Dog)
’Open up.’
Mary Anne and Jennifer,
hide in the closet.
Not you.
Not you, Mr. Gorpley.
Somebody should stay
with the women.
Thank you very much,
Mr. Gorpley.
That’s‐that’s very brave of you
but I think we’re going
to need you out here.
Now, listen, this is my idea.
If Mr. Mad Dog comes in here
and kills all three of us
then‐then he might get tired
and the girls can escape
while he’s resting.
[pounding on door]
Oh! Oh, God.
I gotta come up with a plan.
It’s a, it’s a lucky thing
that door is good and thick.
You‐you have plenty of time
to think of something.
Time’s up.
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
[dramatic music]
(male #1)
Go on.
Get him out of here.
I can’t believe you people
captured Mad Dog Kraus.
You know, the last time
he was captured
it took half the National Guard.
So, uh, how did you do it?
[indistinct chattering]
Alright, wait. Wait, hold it.
Hold it. Hold it.
You, you tell me what happened.
’And uh,
try to stick to the facts.’
You know, sometimes
people get a little
elaborate with their stories.
We all came up here
on this crummy trip
the newspaper sponsored.
I think it was supposed to bring
the employees close together.
I was in the back
when I heard
Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber
come in.
Balki, I can’t believe it.
You, me, Jennifer and Mary Anne
alone in a mountain cabin.
‐You know what that means?
‐Well, of course, I do.
I am ridiculous.
You’re going to try to trick
Jennifer into kissing you.
Yeah.
[both laughing]
Then things got interesting.
The babes came in.
I don’t know why we have to have
a cabin so far from Sam Gorpley?
You know, this can
only mean one thing.
Larry’s going to try to trick me
into kissing him again.
‐Eww!
‐Eww!
Look, cousin, a toaster.
Wow.
Cousin, get the bread.
It just wouldn’t be Friday
without toast.
Well, I like my Friday toast
as much you do, Balki.
But that’s not a toaster.
It’s a radio.
[music on radio]
A‐a‐a radio?
Where do you put the bread?
I just killed a rattlesnake
in the bathroom.
Anybody need a belt?
Jennifer, Sam’s here.
Thank God, a real man.
He’s mine.
I saw him first.
‐But I want him.
‐He’s mine.
‐I want him.
‐Girls, please.
There’s enough of me
to go around.
Mr. Gorpley
welcome to our bingi bingi.
You’re just in time for dinner.
I hope you like bingi bingi.
After dinner,
we’re going to sit down
in front of the bingi bingi...
...and sing bingi bingi.
Bingi bingi...
Mypiot’s been in this country
four years
and everything’s still
bingi bingi.
Oh, quiet, everybody.
There’s a news bulletin.
(man on radio)
’Convicted killer,
Howard Mad Dog Kraus’
’has escaped from prison
and is thought to be hiding’
’in the Big Piney
National Forest.’
My God, I’m gonna die...
...and I’ve never been
with a woman.
My God, I’m going to die
and I’ve never even
bingi bingi.
[both crying]
Guys.
Guys, guys, guys, get a grip.
I’m okay.
You’re letting your fears
get the best of you.
Mr. Gorpley’s right as usual.
This same thing happened
once on Mypos.
It was right
after the great cucumber famine.
Or was it the tomato famine?
Maybe it was the great
persimmon famine.
Or maybe...
Many thanks.
Now, look, if you’re really
worried, we’ll lock the door.
Bartokomous.
But how I can lock the door?
I don’t have a bingi bingi.
Bartokomous, the door
has a key in it.
‐Appleton, shutters.
‐Oh!
I locked the bingi bingi.
[all screaming]
[screaming]
[gasping]
Mad Dog. Mad Dog.
There. There.
That’s, um...
For his sake,
I hope there’s two of him.
Let me handle this.
Later.
Hey, Mad Dog,
why don’t you come here
and take me on
if you’re man enough?
I love a man who challenges
psychotic killers.
[pounding on door]
(Mad Dog)
’Open up.’
Alright, babes in the closet.
I know you can get us
out of this, Sam.
Don’t hurt your hands, Sam.
You’ll need them later.
[growling]
Not you.
Come on.
(both)
Uhh‐uhh‐uhh.
[pounding on door]
(Mad Dog)
’Open up.’
Oh, Mr. Gorpley,
you’re our only hope.
Can’t you think of a plan
to save us?
It’s a lucky thing
the door is bingi bingi.
[screams]
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Oh, I‐I can’t, I can’t.
[both screaming]
Looks like it’s just between
the two of us, Mad Dog.
[grunts]
There was a time when a name
like Mad Dog meant something.
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, God.
Bingi bingi.
Bingi bingi.
Sam, take me.
[sighs]
(male #1)
’So you knocked out
Mad Dog Kraus with one punch?’
Yep, and that’s pretty much
what happened.
Then we called the police
and you guys showed up.
Mr. Gorpley, I cannot believe
what you said about me.
You know that I never,
under any circumstances
would use bingi bingi
in a dependent clause.
Officer, I’m Larry Appleton
investigative reporter
from "The Chicago Chronicle."
If you want an objective,
unbiased account
I think I’m the man
to give it to you.
[indistinct chattering]
Hey, hey.
Come on, come on.
You’re overreacting.
Mad Dog is probably
nowhere near here.
Cousin Larry’s right...
as usual.
Lead us, cousin,
and we will follow.
Well, I’m locking the door
just in case.
Fine. Lock the door
if it will make you feel better.
I’ll start dinner and
by the time the steaks are done
you’ll all realize
how silly you’re being.
That’s my cousin.
Hey, is it any wonder
I love the guy?
[all screaming]
Larry, didn’t you see him?
That was Mad Dog Kraus.
Calm yourself, Jennifer.
I saw him.
This is nothing I can’t handle.
I bet he has a plan.
You have a plan,
don’t you, cousin?
Oh, do you, Appleton? Do you,
do you? Oh, say you have a plan.
Of course, he has a plan.
Share it with us, cousin.
Ladies, in the closet.
Gentlemen, prepare for battle.
Not you, Gorpley.
Cousin, what are you doing?
I’m just getting him back
for that story he told.
[pounding on door]
Come on.
Now, when I give the word,
we’ll jump him.
Good plan, Appleton.
Good plan? Good plan?
I’ll have you know
it’s a brilliant plan.
It’s my privilege to witness
his genius each and everyday.
Balki, please.
Napoleon was a genius.
I’m just a simple man
of great courage.
[screams]
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Here. Here. Here’s money.
Take it. Take it all.
And there’s, uh,
women in the closet.
Balki, looks like
it’s just you and me.
Sorry, I got you into this,
buddy.
Oh, cousin, there’s so much I
want to say and so little time.
Uh, Mad Dog,
could you give us a moment?
Sure.
If I have to die,
this is the way I want to go.
Fighting at the side
of the bravest man I know.
I kiss the ground you walk on.
‐Did you just walk right there?
‐Yes, I did.
‐Di you, did you walk here?
‐Yes, I did.
Alright, uh, Come on, come on,
Balki, come on, come on.
We’ve got a job to do.
Mad Dog, proceed.
Eeyah!
Alright, I was hoping
I wouldn’t have to do this.
Wakaa!
Let him go. I know karate.
Big deal. Ha!
Urgh!
Oh, cousin, I don’t know
how much longer I can endure.
Alright, I warned you.
Hyah!
Wakaaa!
Hyah! Hyah!
Cousin, I don’t think
you hurt him.
Oh, no?
[snaps finger]
Larry, take me.
I like my version better.
Hey, I just told it
the way it happened.
Is there anyone here
that can tell me what happened
without turning himself
into Indiana Jones?
(Jennifer and Mary Anne)
Balki.
Balki, could you tell me
what happened?
Start at the very beginning.
Well, uh, that would be
about four years ago
when I first decided
to come to America.
Sir, sir, sir.
Could you skip ahead
to when Kraus came in?
Oh, uh, alright.
But you’re gonna,
you’re gonna miss hearing
about the first time
I had Mexican food.
Jennifer and Mary Anne
were hiding in the closet
when Mad Dog opened the door.
I’m gonna kill you.
Uh, he seemed upset.
Mr. Gorpley went to make sure
that Jennifer and Mary Anne
were still safe
in the closet.
[screaming]
Uh, l‐look, uh,
now that you’re here
why‐why‐why don’t you
just leave?
And‐and we won’t tell
anyone that we saw you.
Cousin, cousin,
we‐we couldn’t do that.
That would be lying.
However, I do have a‐a‐a couple
of Myposian stories
that apply to this situation.
W‐would you like to hear them?
‐No.
‐No.
‐Uh, let him go.
‐Why?
Well‐well, uh...
I know karate.
Ha!
Hyah!
Okay, I think
I’ll kill you first.
Phakaaa!
Oh!
[grunting]
[glass shattering]
Whoa.
Phakaaa! Ha ha!
Phakaa!
[panting]
Hyah!
Cousin, I think he’s finished.
Good.
Because I think
I broke my hand.
‐Cousin, let me see.
‐Ow!
Larry...take me home.
What?
Take me home?
I‐is that what you said?
Take me home?
Well, yeah.
Balki, uh, did everything happen
th‐the way you said?
Uh, I’m afraid so, cousin.
Well, that,
that would explain this.
If we have any further
questions, we’ll be in touch...
...with him.
Hey, look, if there’s any kind
of reward involved
I could come up
with a believable story.
Maybe we can work out
some kind of arrangement.
I‐I could’ve sworn I was the one
who knocked out Kraus.
Well, cousin, sometimes
we remember things
the way we wished
they had happened.
I thought I was a hero.
Well, you‐you were.
If you hadn’t distracted Mad Dog
by letting him nearly
kill you...
...then I wouldn’t
have had enough time
to go get the frying pan
and...
...save your life.
I’m very proud of you, Larry.
And I’m proud of you too, Balki.
And I have all weekend
to show you how much.
Well, I‐I‐I know...
one thing we could do.
Bingi bingi?
You said it.
Shall we?
♪ You put your bingi in ♪
♪ You put your bingi out ♪
♪ You put your bingi in ♪
♪ And you shake it all about ♪
[theme music]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind
of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall
on the wings of my dreams ♪
♪ Rise and fall
on the wings of my dreams ♪
♪ Through rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life my dream ♪
♪ And nothing’s gonna
stop me now ♪
(Larry)
’Come on,
Jennifer and Mary Anne.’
Just a little further.
Cousin...
...why, why you did pick a cabin
two miles away
from the rest of the group?
Are you trying to add to
your frequent hiker’s mileage?
Balki, Balki, Balki.
While everyone else
from "The Chronicle"
is way down the hill
playing volleyball
we’ll be up here
with Jennifer and Mary Anne
playing different games.
‐Huh?
‐Ah!
[laughing]
[both chuckling]
Stop it, stop it, stop it.
What are we talking about?
I’ll explain it to you later.
[sighs]
I love getting back to nature.
So do I.
I just wish it wasn’t
so far out in the country.
Hey, isn’t this place great?
Totally separate
from civilization.
No television, no telephone‐‐
Cousin, look, a radio.
I wonder, I wonder
if we could get
W‐A‐N‐E, Wane.
All Wayne Newton
all the time.
Oh, that’s my favorite station.
Let me try.
[music on radio]
‐Nice cabin, Larry.
‐Well, thanks.
I reserved it way in advance
to make sure
we had a nice, private
secluded cabin all to ourselves.
The damn toilet’s backed up.
I can’t believe I’m stuck
in this crummy cabin.
Gorpley, what are you
doing here?
Would you believe it? The idiots
in my cabin threw me out.
Of course, we believe it,
Mr. Gorpley.
Ooh, quiet, everybody.
There’s a news bulletin.
(man on radio)
’Convicted killer,
Howard Mad Dog Kraus’
’has escaped from prison.’
’Kraus is six feet four,
completely bald’
’and is considered
extremely dangerous.’
’He was last seen
in the vicinity’
’of the Big Piney
National Forest.
Wait a minute. We’re in
the Big Piney National Forest.
What if Mad Dog shows up here?
Well, if he does,
nobody try to pet him.
You know, uh,
maybe we better leave.
We’re very isolated up here.
Oh, my God, I’m gonna die
and I’ve already paid
this month’s alimony.
‐Let’s get out of here.
‐Yeah, good idea‐‐
Wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
Wait, people.
We came up here to have fun.
Now don’t tell me that you’re
going to let our whole weekend
be ruined by one six foot four,
bald‐headed, psychotic killer?
You’re letting your fears
get the best of you.
This happened once in Mypos.
It was right after
the great cucumber famine‐‐
Bartokomous, we have no time
to listen
to a stupid Mypos story.
Let’s get out of here.
Now, w‐wait, wait a minute.
‐I’ve heard this story.
‐You wanna hear it again?
‐No.
‐No.
Balki’s right.
We’re overreacting.
I mean, this is a big forest.
What are the chances of Mad Dog
finding this cabin?
Well, I’m gonna lock the door
just in case.
Alright.
I’ll start dinner.
By the time
the steaks are done
we’ll all realize
how silly we’re being.
[all screaming]
Hey, I thought
we all agreed steak was okay.
[screaming]
[gasping]
Oh, my god, it’s him.
‐It’s Mad Dog Kraus.
‐What are we gonna do?
The only thing we can do
is make a run for it.
[pounding on door]
(Mad Dog)
’Open up.’
Mary Anne and Jennifer,
hide in the closet.
Not you.
Not you, Mr. Gorpley.
Somebody should stay
with the women.
Thank you very much,
Mr. Gorpley.
That’s‐that’s very brave of you
but I think we’re going
to need you out here.
Now, listen, this is my idea.
If Mr. Mad Dog comes in here
and kills all three of us
then‐then he might get tired
and the girls can escape
while he’s resting.
[pounding on door]
Oh! Oh, God.
I gotta come up with a plan.
It’s a, it’s a lucky thing
that door is good and thick.
You‐you have plenty of time
to think of something.
Time’s up.
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
[dramatic music]
(male #1)
Go on.
Get him out of here.
I can’t believe you people
captured Mad Dog Kraus.
You know, the last time
he was captured
it took half the National Guard.
So, uh, how did you do it?
[indistinct chattering]
Alright, wait. Wait, hold it.
Hold it. Hold it.
You, you tell me what happened.
’And uh,
try to stick to the facts.’
You know, sometimes
people get a little
elaborate with their stories.
We all came up here
on this crummy trip
the newspaper sponsored.
I think it was supposed to bring
the employees close together.
I was in the back
when I heard
Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber
come in.
Balki, I can’t believe it.
You, me, Jennifer and Mary Anne
alone in a mountain cabin.
‐You know what that means?
‐Well, of course, I do.
I am ridiculous.
You’re going to try to trick
Jennifer into kissing you.
Yeah.
[both laughing]
Then things got interesting.
The babes came in.
I don’t know why we have to have
a cabin so far from Sam Gorpley?
You know, this can
only mean one thing.
Larry’s going to try to trick me
into kissing him again.
‐Eww!
‐Eww!
Look, cousin, a toaster.
Wow.
Cousin, get the bread.
It just wouldn’t be Friday
without toast.
Well, I like my Friday toast
as much you do, Balki.
But that’s not a toaster.
It’s a radio.
[music on radio]
A‐a‐a radio?
Where do you put the bread?
I just killed a rattlesnake
in the bathroom.
Anybody need a belt?
Jennifer, Sam’s here.
Thank God, a real man.
He’s mine.
I saw him first.
‐But I want him.
‐He’s mine.
‐I want him.
‐Girls, please.
There’s enough of me
to go around.
Mr. Gorpley
welcome to our bingi bingi.
You’re just in time for dinner.
I hope you like bingi bingi.
After dinner,
we’re going to sit down
in front of the bingi bingi...
...and sing bingi bingi.
Bingi bingi...
Mypiot’s been in this country
four years
and everything’s still
bingi bingi.
Oh, quiet, everybody.
There’s a news bulletin.
(man on radio)
’Convicted killer,
Howard Mad Dog Kraus’
’has escaped from prison
and is thought to be hiding’
’in the Big Piney
National Forest.’
My God, I’m gonna die...
...and I’ve never been
with a woman.
My God, I’m going to die
and I’ve never even
bingi bingi.
[both crying]
Guys.
Guys, guys, guys, get a grip.
I’m okay.
You’re letting your fears
get the best of you.
Mr. Gorpley’s right as usual.
This same thing happened
once on Mypos.
It was right
after the great cucumber famine.
Or was it the tomato famine?
Maybe it was the great
persimmon famine.
Or maybe...
Many thanks.
Now, look, if you’re really
worried, we’ll lock the door.
Bartokomous.
But how I can lock the door?
I don’t have a bingi bingi.
Bartokomous, the door
has a key in it.
‐Appleton, shutters.
‐Oh!
I locked the bingi bingi.
[all screaming]
[screaming]
[gasping]
Mad Dog. Mad Dog.
There. There.
That’s, um...
For his sake,
I hope there’s two of him.
Let me handle this.
Later.
Hey, Mad Dog,
why don’t you come here
and take me on
if you’re man enough?
I love a man who challenges
psychotic killers.
[pounding on door]
(Mad Dog)
’Open up.’
Alright, babes in the closet.
I know you can get us
out of this, Sam.
Don’t hurt your hands, Sam.
You’ll need them later.
[growling]
Not you.
Come on.
(both)
Uhh‐uhh‐uhh.
[pounding on door]
(Mad Dog)
’Open up.’
Oh, Mr. Gorpley,
you’re our only hope.
Can’t you think of a plan
to save us?
It’s a lucky thing
the door is bingi bingi.
[screams]
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Oh, I‐I can’t, I can’t.
[both screaming]
Looks like it’s just between
the two of us, Mad Dog.
[grunts]
There was a time when a name
like Mad Dog meant something.
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, God.
Bingi bingi.
Bingi bingi.
Sam, take me.
[sighs]
(male #1)
’So you knocked out
Mad Dog Kraus with one punch?’
Yep, and that’s pretty much
what happened.
Then we called the police
and you guys showed up.
Mr. Gorpley, I cannot believe
what you said about me.
You know that I never,
under any circumstances
would use bingi bingi
in a dependent clause.
Officer, I’m Larry Appleton
investigative reporter
from "The Chicago Chronicle."
If you want an objective,
unbiased account
I think I’m the man
to give it to you.
[indistinct chattering]
Hey, hey.
Come on, come on.
You’re overreacting.
Mad Dog is probably
nowhere near here.
Cousin Larry’s right...
as usual.
Lead us, cousin,
and we will follow.
Well, I’m locking the door
just in case.
Fine. Lock the door
if it will make you feel better.
I’ll start dinner and
by the time the steaks are done
you’ll all realize
how silly you’re being.
That’s my cousin.
Hey, is it any wonder
I love the guy?
[all screaming]
Larry, didn’t you see him?
That was Mad Dog Kraus.
Calm yourself, Jennifer.
I saw him.
This is nothing I can’t handle.
I bet he has a plan.
You have a plan,
don’t you, cousin?
Oh, do you, Appleton? Do you,
do you? Oh, say you have a plan.
Of course, he has a plan.
Share it with us, cousin.
Ladies, in the closet.
Gentlemen, prepare for battle.
Not you, Gorpley.
Cousin, what are you doing?
I’m just getting him back
for that story he told.
[pounding on door]
Come on.
Now, when I give the word,
we’ll jump him.
Good plan, Appleton.
Good plan? Good plan?
I’ll have you know
it’s a brilliant plan.
It’s my privilege to witness
his genius each and everyday.
Balki, please.
Napoleon was a genius.
I’m just a simple man
of great courage.
[screams]
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Here. Here. Here’s money.
Take it. Take it all.
And there’s, uh,
women in the closet.
Balki, looks like
it’s just you and me.
Sorry, I got you into this,
buddy.
Oh, cousin, there’s so much I
want to say and so little time.
Uh, Mad Dog,
could you give us a moment?
Sure.
If I have to die,
this is the way I want to go.
Fighting at the side
of the bravest man I know.
I kiss the ground you walk on.
‐Did you just walk right there?
‐Yes, I did.
‐Di you, did you walk here?
‐Yes, I did.
Alright, uh, Come on, come on,
Balki, come on, come on.
We’ve got a job to do.
Mad Dog, proceed.
Eeyah!
Alright, I was hoping
I wouldn’t have to do this.
Wakaa!
Let him go. I know karate.
Big deal. Ha!
Urgh!
Oh, cousin, I don’t know
how much longer I can endure.
Alright, I warned you.
Hyah!
Wakaaa!
Hyah! Hyah!
Cousin, I don’t think
you hurt him.
Oh, no?
[snaps finger]
Larry, take me.
I like my version better.
Hey, I just told it
the way it happened.
Is there anyone here
that can tell me what happened
without turning himself
into Indiana Jones?
(Jennifer and Mary Anne)
Balki.
Balki, could you tell me
what happened?
Start at the very beginning.
Well, uh, that would be
about four years ago
when I first decided
to come to America.
Sir, sir, sir.
Could you skip ahead
to when Kraus came in?
Oh, uh, alright.
But you’re gonna,
you’re gonna miss hearing
about the first time
I had Mexican food.
Jennifer and Mary Anne
were hiding in the closet
when Mad Dog opened the door.
I’m gonna kill you.
Uh, he seemed upset.
Mr. Gorpley went to make sure
that Jennifer and Mary Anne
were still safe
in the closet.
[screaming]
Uh, l‐look, uh,
now that you’re here
why‐why‐why don’t you
just leave?
And‐and we won’t tell
anyone that we saw you.
Cousin, cousin,
we‐we couldn’t do that.
That would be lying.
However, I do have a‐a‐a couple
of Myposian stories
that apply to this situation.
W‐would you like to hear them?
‐No.
‐No.
‐Uh, let him go.
‐Why?
Well‐well, uh...
I know karate.
Ha!
Hyah!
Okay, I think
I’ll kill you first.
Phakaaa!
Oh!
[grunting]
[glass shattering]
Whoa.
Phakaaa! Ha ha!
Phakaa!
[panting]
Hyah!
Cousin, I think he’s finished.
Good.
Because I think
I broke my hand.
‐Cousin, let me see.
‐Ow!
Larry...take me home.
What?
Take me home?
I‐is that what you said?
Take me home?
Well, yeah.
Balki, uh, did everything happen
th‐the way you said?
Uh, I’m afraid so, cousin.
Well, that,
that would explain this.
If we have any further
questions, we’ll be in touch...
...with him.
Hey, look, if there’s any kind
of reward involved
I could come up
with a believable story.
Maybe we can work out
some kind of arrangement.
I‐I could’ve sworn I was the one
who knocked out Kraus.
Well, cousin, sometimes
we remember things
the way we wished
they had happened.
I thought I was a hero.
Well, you‐you were.
If you hadn’t distracted Mad Dog
by letting him nearly
kill you...
...then I wouldn’t
have had enough time
to go get the frying pan
and...
...save your life.
I’m very proud of you, Larry.
And I’m proud of you too, Balki.
And I have all weekend
to show you how much.
Well, I‐I‐I know...
one thing we could do.
Bingi bingi?
You said it.
Shall we?
♪ You put your bingi in ♪
♪ You put your bingi out ♪
♪ You put your bingi in ♪
♪ And you shake it all about ♪
[theme music]