Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 4, Episode 9 - The Gift of the Mypiot - full transcript
[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Harriette, Harriette,
come over and look.
The‐the Christmas present
my mother sent me from Mypos.
‐ Let me see. Let me see.
‐ Got it today.
[all gasping]
Oh, Balki, it's beautiful.
Is it hand carved?
Yeah, yeah.
It's a Davros cup.
It's made by the
finest artist on Mypos.
Davros Praxiteles.
Look at the detail on it.
It take him one year
just to carve one cup.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
What is this?
Just because it's Christmas Eve
doesn't mean we're
not still workin' here.
Come on. Clear the area.
Let's go. Come on.
‐ Mr‐Mr. Gorpley, Mr. Gorpley.
‐ What?
Look, the beautiful cup
my mother send me for Christmas.
I know, I heard.
Your mother loves you.
She gave you a present.
I'm all choked up.
[grunts]
Bartokomous, what are you doing?
You said you were choking.
I'm giving you
the ham hock maneuver.
I'm over it.
[panting]
Cousin, cousin.
What? What? Were you mugged?
Worse. I went shopping
on Christmas Eve.
'It's a madhouse out there.'
Look at this, huh?
What do you think?
Well, I don't know.
I think it's a
little busy for you.
No, no, it's not for me.
It's for Jennifer.
Oh! Well.
In that case, it's
quietly elegant.
Cost me a $125,
but it's worth it.
I'm gonna give it to Jennifer
at our party tonight.
'And just between you and me'
I think she's gonna be thrilled.
So, you're, uh, having
a little Christmas party
tonight, eh, Appleton?
A party? Uh, well, no.
We're not having a party.
I‐I wouldn't call
it a party...as such.
You know, just a few‐few people
getting together
and killing time.
I'll have watch that on
"Lifestyles Of The Rich
And Boring."
You didn't ask Mr. Gorpley
to the party?
No, I didn't ask Mr. Gorpley
to the party.
Well, why not?
He's gonna feel left out.
He is left out.
Balki, this is our first
annual Christmas party.
I want it to be a time for all
our friends to gather together
and share an evening
filled with Christmas spirit.
If Mr. Gorpley came,
he'd ruin everything.
Oh, come on.
How can you say that?
It's easy.
"He'd ruin everything."
I don't want him at the party.
[instrumental music]
Great news.
I'm free to spend
Christmas with you.
What do you mean, "so what"?
No. I didn't ask my wife.
But I have a hunch
she doesn't wanna
spend Christmas with me.
She's been remarried
for two years.
'So how about it?'
Can I come over for Christmas?
No. No, I understand.
D‐uh, no, you've got family
coming over.
Yeah, okay, I'll try
you again next year.
Yeah. Bye, mom.
‐ Mr. Gorpley‐‐
‐ Dah! What?
Oh, ah, Bartokomous.
About tonight,
cousin Larry and I ha‐ha..
Cousin Larry and I ha‐ha..
Cousin Larry and I are ha‐ha..
What is the matter, Bartokomous?
You got tinsel
caught in your throat?
No, I was wondering. Do you have
a place to go for Christmas Eve?
[scoffs]
Me? Sam "The Man" Gorpley?
I got invitations
runnin' out my ears.
Do I have any place
to go for Christmas?
What a laugh.
[laughing]
Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
What a relief.
I'll tell you, I'll tell you.
‐ Funny, funny thing.
‐ What?
Uh, for a,
for a second over there
uh, well, I was
going to‐to ask you
if you wanted to
come to our party.
Okay.
Okay? What?
Okay, I'll come to your party.
You will?
Yes, I will see you tonight.
‐ Okay?
‐ Okay.
Okay!
Okay..
[instrumental music]
Perfect.
Okay.
Balki...
Would you look at this?
Is this gonna be a perfect
Christmas party or what?
Wow.
Alright, now, the guests will
be coming any minute.
I want you to try the eggnog.
Tell me if it's okay, huh?
Mmm. Perfect.
It is, isn't it?
Cousin, a funny,
funny thing happened
while I was...um, taking down
the decorations at work.
[gasps]
Napkins.
Um, I was, it‐it all kind of..
I was just finishing
uh, taking down the decorations
for Mr. Gorpley‐‐
You know, I knew
Gorpley was slime.
But making you work late
on Christmas Eve
is a new low, even for him.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Should I add another log?
I mean, here, I want,
I want people to be warm
but I don't want them to sweat.
(together)
Perfect.
Balki...it doesn't get
any better than this.
Well, we gotta talk about that.
What could be better
than a party at Christmas
with the people
you care about?
How about this?
How about inviting
someone to that party
who is, who is less
fortunate than you are?
‐ Great idea.
‐ Really?
We'll have to remember
to do that next year.
Well, cousin, cousin
I took it upon myself
to do it this year.
‐ You did?
‐ Yeah.
Well, you are incredible.
Well, you don't know
the half of it.
Well, so who is it?
Where did you find
this unfortunate person?
Well, to answer
the second question first
um, I met him down at the paper.
Beautiful.
Who is it?
You know what?
This is the best eggnog
I have ever had anywhere.
Seconds?
Who is it?
[chuckles]
Who is whom?
Who is coming to our party?
‐ What party? When?
‐ The Christmas party.
The Christmas party
we are having here tonight!
Oh, that Christmas party.
What was the question?
[knocking on door]
Oh, goodness, that might be
Mr. Gorpley now.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
[knocking on door]
You invited Mr. Gorpley?
Are you crazy?
I specifically said I did not
want him at the party.
Well, you also said that you
thought the Christmas party
would be a time when all your
friends would gather 'round
and share the Christmas spirit.
He is not my friend.
Well he is my friend.
And‐ and it's my party too,
and I'm going to let him in.
I am not going let
Mr. Gorpley ruin
the best Christmas party
of all time.
Hah! Let me..
[speaking in Danish accent]
Yah, who is there?
(Harriette)
'It's Harriette
and I'm ready to party.'
It's Harriette.
(together)
Oh!
[chuckles]
Harriette.
Come on in.
Merry Christmas.
[indistinct chattering]
‐ Hi, nice to see you.
‐ Come on in.
Everybody just
throw your coats off
and put your presents down.
And go help yourselves
to some eggnog.
And let us know
if there's too much nog.
[knocking on door]
Shh.
Cousin..
[speaking in Spanish accent]
Hola. Who is it?
(Lydia)
'Ramone? Is that you?'
It's Lydia.
‐ Oh!
‐ It's Lydia.
Come on in.
Ooh! Larry. Muy macho.
Feliz navidad.
[laughs]
Lydia, Lydia,
so good to see you.
Come, sit down.
Take off your wrap.
Thank heavens! Now, sit down..
[knocking on door]
Shh.
Cousin, would you..
[speaking in British accent]
And who might that be?
(Mary Anne)
'Oh, sorry, we must have
the wrong apartment.'
No, no, no, it's Mary Anne.
‐ Oh.
‐ Mary Anne.
Hi, Jennifer, come on in.
Merry Christmas.
You look...beautiful.
‐ What's this?
‐ Mwah..
‐ Hey, come on..
‐ Oh.
Come on in.
Balki, what is going on?
Well, cousin Larry's having
a nervous break dance.
Because..
...just because I invited
someone to the party
who is a little less fortunate
than we are.
Huh, real classy, Larry.
Well, that's very nice,
Balki.
Now what's this guy's name?
‐ Mr. Gorpley.
‐ Goodnight everybody.
[clamoring]
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Now, just because he's invited
doesn't mean we have to
let him in.
When he knocks on the door,
we'll all be quiet
and he'll think
he's got the wrong apartment.
I can't believe this.
No one can be that bad.
The man's a sleaze ball.
[clamoring]
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Mr. Gorpley is not popular.
I get that.
And I'm in an okay place
about it.
But let me just say this.
I invited him to this house
and when he comes here,
I'm going to let him in.
[knocking on door]
Shh.
(Mr. Gorpley)
'Bartokomous, Appleton?'
Oh, what the..
(Mr. Gorpley)
'I know you're in there.'
'This has happened before,
you know.'
This happened last year at
Lydia's birthday party.
We tried to outwait him.
We sat in the dark
for four hours
listening to the man
pound on the door.
(Mr. Gorpley)
'It was five hours,
and I brought a sleeping bag
this time.'
I guess we're gonna
have to let him in.
Well, now I'm disheveled.
Now look, everyone.
You're gonna see that I'm right.
Deep down inside Mr. Gorpley
there is an ember
of the Christmas spirit.
And if we just treat him
with some kindness
I think we can
fan it into a flame.
Good. I'll get the matches.
Harriette, you don't mean that.
Now, look, how about
when we open the door
we give him a really
beautiful "Merry Christmas"?
A really good one.
(all)
Merry Christmas!
Mmm, how festive.
Looks like Kris Kringle threw up
all over your living room.
[instrumental music]
Having a good time, Mr. Gorpley?
Mmm, better than a poke
in the eye with a sharp stick.
[laughs]
Ho‐ho‐ho.
Merry Christmas.
It's Balki Claus.
It's present time. Present time.
[all cheering]
You must have all been
good little boys and girls
because...Balki Claus
has presents for all of you.
[all laughing]
'Okay.'
This one is for
Harriette from Lydia.
(all)
Open it.
Alright, alright.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Let's check,
let's check it out.
‐ Oh, thank you.
‐ That's real nice, Lydia.
They're givin' 'em away at the
gas station with every fill up.
This one is
"To Lydia from Harriette."
(all)
Open it. Open it. Open it.
Oh, it's the new
"Nora True Blood
Adam's Mystery."
‐ I've been dying to read this.
‐ I know. I know.
I'll save you 600 pages.
The Countess did it.
Why don't we see if he can
swallow this side ways!
[clamoring]
Harriette, Harriette,
sit down, please.
'Sit down please.'
This is not Geraldo.
Now, let me see here.
This one is "To Jennifer, from
Mary Anne, your roommate."
‐ Oh.
‐ 'Open it.'
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
This one is
"To Jennifer from Larry."
‐ 'Open it.'
‐ Open it.
Wait, wait, wait,
open mine first.
[all gasp]
(Jennifer)
'Oh, Mary Anne. This is lovely.'
But this must have
cost you a fortune.
It did, $29.95.
Wow. I've seen 'em for
a hundred and a quarter.
[laughing]
Why don't you open up
the present from Appleton?
‐ I'm dying to see what that is.
‐ 'Oh.'
This isn't really the‐the time.
Oh, gee, thanks, Larry.
This is, this is really nice.
You know, you just can't have
too many of these.
Yeah. Good move, Appleton.
Boy, I bet
you feel like a real jerk.
Alright, that's it.
You're out of here.
[clamoring]
Wait a minute!
Don't you see
what's happening?
'Yeah! We're taking out
the trash!'
Give him back.
Let us have him.
You've turned into
a Christmas mob.
Well, he's been
askin' for it all night.
And we're gonna give it to him.
[clamoring]
Listen to me.
You don't want to hurt anybody.
Especially on Christmas Eve.
Oh, relax, Bartokomous.
These people can't hurt me.
You think by
throwin' me out of here
you're gonna spoil
my Christmas?
Hey, I've had rotten
Christmas' before.
Like the one, uh,
three years ago.
When my wife said
"Merry Christmas.
I'm divorcing you."
Or how about that one
when I was in high school?
And I finally met
my real father.
And he stuck around long
enough to have a drumstick
and steal all the money
that I had saved for college.
Or there was always
the one when I was eight
and our trailer burnt down.
No, no, no, wait a minute,
wait a minute, no.
That was a good Christmas.
I got to sleep in a real bed..
...at the Red Cross.
So don't worry about me
getting hurt on Christmas.
It's not going to happen.
But it wouldn't be Christmas
if somebody didn't try.
Happy holidays.
No, now, now, that's,
that's okay, that's enough.
Come and sit over here.
Come and sit down.
We, we‐we can't let you go.
We‐we, we haven't finished
opening the presents.
I'm sure you can
handle that without me.
No, we can't because,
because, uh..
...one of the presents
is for you.
Oh, what? Come on.
For me, a present?
‐ Get real, Bartokomous.
‐ I have never been realer.
I believe that this
is your name on the tag.
"To Mr. Gorpley.
Have a Merry Christmas.
From your friend...Balki"
Open it, open it.
Balki, that was a gift
from your mama.
Why are you giving this to me?
I thought it meant a lot to you.
It does mean a lot to me.
It's a gift of love.
And my mother taught me
that a gift of love
has to go to the one
who needs it the most.
And right now, that's you.
I‐I don't have a gift to you.
Yes, you do.
If, if you take my gift
then you're giving me a gift.
[instrumental music]
Nothing like this
has ever happened to me.
I don't know what to say.
Nobody's ever...given me a gift
that meant something before.
[sighing]
I feel, uh, kind of strange.
Sort of, uh...warm.
Like I'm almost starting
to like you people.
What you're feeling
is the Christmas spirit.
Do you feel this every
Christmas?
Except for Balki.
He feels like this every day.
‐ Merry Christmas, Mr. Gorpley.
‐ Merry Christmas, Sam.
‐ Merry Christmas.
‐ Merry Christmas.
(all)
Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I tried
to lock you out, Mr. Gorpley.
I would have done the
same thing in your place.
Uh, M‐Merry Christmas, Appleton.
Merry Christmas.
♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪
♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪
♪ Peace on Earth
and mercy mild.. ♪
["Hark The Herald
Angels Sing" instrumental]
[theme music]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Harriette, Harriette,
come over and look.
The‐the Christmas present
my mother sent me from Mypos.
‐ Let me see. Let me see.
‐ Got it today.
[all gasping]
Oh, Balki, it's beautiful.
Is it hand carved?
Yeah, yeah.
It's a Davros cup.
It's made by the
finest artist on Mypos.
Davros Praxiteles.
Look at the detail on it.
It take him one year
just to carve one cup.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
What is this?
Just because it's Christmas Eve
doesn't mean we're
not still workin' here.
Come on. Clear the area.
Let's go. Come on.
‐ Mr‐Mr. Gorpley, Mr. Gorpley.
‐ What?
Look, the beautiful cup
my mother send me for Christmas.
I know, I heard.
Your mother loves you.
She gave you a present.
I'm all choked up.
[grunts]
Bartokomous, what are you doing?
You said you were choking.
I'm giving you
the ham hock maneuver.
I'm over it.
[panting]
Cousin, cousin.
What? What? Were you mugged?
Worse. I went shopping
on Christmas Eve.
'It's a madhouse out there.'
Look at this, huh?
What do you think?
Well, I don't know.
I think it's a
little busy for you.
No, no, it's not for me.
It's for Jennifer.
Oh! Well.
In that case, it's
quietly elegant.
Cost me a $125,
but it's worth it.
I'm gonna give it to Jennifer
at our party tonight.
'And just between you and me'
I think she's gonna be thrilled.
So, you're, uh, having
a little Christmas party
tonight, eh, Appleton?
A party? Uh, well, no.
We're not having a party.
I‐I wouldn't call
it a party...as such.
You know, just a few‐few people
getting together
and killing time.
I'll have watch that on
"Lifestyles Of The Rich
And Boring."
You didn't ask Mr. Gorpley
to the party?
No, I didn't ask Mr. Gorpley
to the party.
Well, why not?
He's gonna feel left out.
He is left out.
Balki, this is our first
annual Christmas party.
I want it to be a time for all
our friends to gather together
and share an evening
filled with Christmas spirit.
If Mr. Gorpley came,
he'd ruin everything.
Oh, come on.
How can you say that?
It's easy.
"He'd ruin everything."
I don't want him at the party.
[instrumental music]
Great news.
I'm free to spend
Christmas with you.
What do you mean, "so what"?
No. I didn't ask my wife.
But I have a hunch
she doesn't wanna
spend Christmas with me.
She's been remarried
for two years.
'So how about it?'
Can I come over for Christmas?
No. No, I understand.
D‐uh, no, you've got family
coming over.
Yeah, okay, I'll try
you again next year.
Yeah. Bye, mom.
‐ Mr. Gorpley‐‐
‐ Dah! What?
Oh, ah, Bartokomous.
About tonight,
cousin Larry and I ha‐ha..
Cousin Larry and I ha‐ha..
Cousin Larry and I are ha‐ha..
What is the matter, Bartokomous?
You got tinsel
caught in your throat?
No, I was wondering. Do you have
a place to go for Christmas Eve?
[scoffs]
Me? Sam "The Man" Gorpley?
I got invitations
runnin' out my ears.
Do I have any place
to go for Christmas?
What a laugh.
[laughing]
Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
What a relief.
I'll tell you, I'll tell you.
‐ Funny, funny thing.
‐ What?
Uh, for a,
for a second over there
uh, well, I was
going to‐to ask you
if you wanted to
come to our party.
Okay.
Okay? What?
Okay, I'll come to your party.
You will?
Yes, I will see you tonight.
‐ Okay?
‐ Okay.
Okay!
Okay..
[instrumental music]
Perfect.
Okay.
Balki...
Would you look at this?
Is this gonna be a perfect
Christmas party or what?
Wow.
Alright, now, the guests will
be coming any minute.
I want you to try the eggnog.
Tell me if it's okay, huh?
Mmm. Perfect.
It is, isn't it?
Cousin, a funny,
funny thing happened
while I was...um, taking down
the decorations at work.
[gasps]
Napkins.
Um, I was, it‐it all kind of..
I was just finishing
uh, taking down the decorations
for Mr. Gorpley‐‐
You know, I knew
Gorpley was slime.
But making you work late
on Christmas Eve
is a new low, even for him.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Should I add another log?
I mean, here, I want,
I want people to be warm
but I don't want them to sweat.
(together)
Perfect.
Balki...it doesn't get
any better than this.
Well, we gotta talk about that.
What could be better
than a party at Christmas
with the people
you care about?
How about this?
How about inviting
someone to that party
who is, who is less
fortunate than you are?
‐ Great idea.
‐ Really?
We'll have to remember
to do that next year.
Well, cousin, cousin
I took it upon myself
to do it this year.
‐ You did?
‐ Yeah.
Well, you are incredible.
Well, you don't know
the half of it.
Well, so who is it?
Where did you find
this unfortunate person?
Well, to answer
the second question first
um, I met him down at the paper.
Beautiful.
Who is it?
You know what?
This is the best eggnog
I have ever had anywhere.
Seconds?
Who is it?
[chuckles]
Who is whom?
Who is coming to our party?
‐ What party? When?
‐ The Christmas party.
The Christmas party
we are having here tonight!
Oh, that Christmas party.
What was the question?
[knocking on door]
Oh, goodness, that might be
Mr. Gorpley now.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
[knocking on door]
You invited Mr. Gorpley?
Are you crazy?
I specifically said I did not
want him at the party.
Well, you also said that you
thought the Christmas party
would be a time when all your
friends would gather 'round
and share the Christmas spirit.
He is not my friend.
Well he is my friend.
And‐ and it's my party too,
and I'm going to let him in.
I am not going let
Mr. Gorpley ruin
the best Christmas party
of all time.
Hah! Let me..
[speaking in Danish accent]
Yah, who is there?
(Harriette)
'It's Harriette
and I'm ready to party.'
It's Harriette.
(together)
Oh!
[chuckles]
Harriette.
Come on in.
Merry Christmas.
[indistinct chattering]
‐ Hi, nice to see you.
‐ Come on in.
Everybody just
throw your coats off
and put your presents down.
And go help yourselves
to some eggnog.
And let us know
if there's too much nog.
[knocking on door]
Shh.
Cousin..
[speaking in Spanish accent]
Hola. Who is it?
(Lydia)
'Ramone? Is that you?'
It's Lydia.
‐ Oh!
‐ It's Lydia.
Come on in.
Ooh! Larry. Muy macho.
Feliz navidad.
[laughs]
Lydia, Lydia,
so good to see you.
Come, sit down.
Take off your wrap.
Thank heavens! Now, sit down..
[knocking on door]
Shh.
Cousin, would you..
[speaking in British accent]
And who might that be?
(Mary Anne)
'Oh, sorry, we must have
the wrong apartment.'
No, no, no, it's Mary Anne.
‐ Oh.
‐ Mary Anne.
Hi, Jennifer, come on in.
Merry Christmas.
You look...beautiful.
‐ What's this?
‐ Mwah..
‐ Hey, come on..
‐ Oh.
Come on in.
Balki, what is going on?
Well, cousin Larry's having
a nervous break dance.
Because..
...just because I invited
someone to the party
who is a little less fortunate
than we are.
Huh, real classy, Larry.
Well, that's very nice,
Balki.
Now what's this guy's name?
‐ Mr. Gorpley.
‐ Goodnight everybody.
[clamoring]
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Now, just because he's invited
doesn't mean we have to
let him in.
When he knocks on the door,
we'll all be quiet
and he'll think
he's got the wrong apartment.
I can't believe this.
No one can be that bad.
The man's a sleaze ball.
[clamoring]
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Mr. Gorpley is not popular.
I get that.
And I'm in an okay place
about it.
But let me just say this.
I invited him to this house
and when he comes here,
I'm going to let him in.
[knocking on door]
Shh.
(Mr. Gorpley)
'Bartokomous, Appleton?'
Oh, what the..
(Mr. Gorpley)
'I know you're in there.'
'This has happened before,
you know.'
This happened last year at
Lydia's birthday party.
We tried to outwait him.
We sat in the dark
for four hours
listening to the man
pound on the door.
(Mr. Gorpley)
'It was five hours,
and I brought a sleeping bag
this time.'
I guess we're gonna
have to let him in.
Well, now I'm disheveled.
Now look, everyone.
You're gonna see that I'm right.
Deep down inside Mr. Gorpley
there is an ember
of the Christmas spirit.
And if we just treat him
with some kindness
I think we can
fan it into a flame.
Good. I'll get the matches.
Harriette, you don't mean that.
Now, look, how about
when we open the door
we give him a really
beautiful "Merry Christmas"?
A really good one.
(all)
Merry Christmas!
Mmm, how festive.
Looks like Kris Kringle threw up
all over your living room.
[instrumental music]
Having a good time, Mr. Gorpley?
Mmm, better than a poke
in the eye with a sharp stick.
[laughs]
Ho‐ho‐ho.
Merry Christmas.
It's Balki Claus.
It's present time. Present time.
[all cheering]
You must have all been
good little boys and girls
because...Balki Claus
has presents for all of you.
[all laughing]
'Okay.'
This one is for
Harriette from Lydia.
(all)
Open it.
Alright, alright.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Let's check,
let's check it out.
‐ Oh, thank you.
‐ That's real nice, Lydia.
They're givin' 'em away at the
gas station with every fill up.
This one is
"To Lydia from Harriette."
(all)
Open it. Open it. Open it.
Oh, it's the new
"Nora True Blood
Adam's Mystery."
‐ I've been dying to read this.
‐ I know. I know.
I'll save you 600 pages.
The Countess did it.
Why don't we see if he can
swallow this side ways!
[clamoring]
Harriette, Harriette,
sit down, please.
'Sit down please.'
This is not Geraldo.
Now, let me see here.
This one is "To Jennifer, from
Mary Anne, your roommate."
‐ Oh.
‐ 'Open it.'
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
This one is
"To Jennifer from Larry."
‐ 'Open it.'
‐ Open it.
Wait, wait, wait,
open mine first.
[all gasp]
(Jennifer)
'Oh, Mary Anne. This is lovely.'
But this must have
cost you a fortune.
It did, $29.95.
Wow. I've seen 'em for
a hundred and a quarter.
[laughing]
Why don't you open up
the present from Appleton?
‐ I'm dying to see what that is.
‐ 'Oh.'
This isn't really the‐the time.
Oh, gee, thanks, Larry.
This is, this is really nice.
You know, you just can't have
too many of these.
Yeah. Good move, Appleton.
Boy, I bet
you feel like a real jerk.
Alright, that's it.
You're out of here.
[clamoring]
Wait a minute!
Don't you see
what's happening?
'Yeah! We're taking out
the trash!'
Give him back.
Let us have him.
You've turned into
a Christmas mob.
Well, he's been
askin' for it all night.
And we're gonna give it to him.
[clamoring]
Listen to me.
You don't want to hurt anybody.
Especially on Christmas Eve.
Oh, relax, Bartokomous.
These people can't hurt me.
You think by
throwin' me out of here
you're gonna spoil
my Christmas?
Hey, I've had rotten
Christmas' before.
Like the one, uh,
three years ago.
When my wife said
"Merry Christmas.
I'm divorcing you."
Or how about that one
when I was in high school?
And I finally met
my real father.
And he stuck around long
enough to have a drumstick
and steal all the money
that I had saved for college.
Or there was always
the one when I was eight
and our trailer burnt down.
No, no, no, wait a minute,
wait a minute, no.
That was a good Christmas.
I got to sleep in a real bed..
...at the Red Cross.
So don't worry about me
getting hurt on Christmas.
It's not going to happen.
But it wouldn't be Christmas
if somebody didn't try.
Happy holidays.
No, now, now, that's,
that's okay, that's enough.
Come and sit over here.
Come and sit down.
We, we‐we can't let you go.
We‐we, we haven't finished
opening the presents.
I'm sure you can
handle that without me.
No, we can't because,
because, uh..
...one of the presents
is for you.
Oh, what? Come on.
For me, a present?
‐ Get real, Bartokomous.
‐ I have never been realer.
I believe that this
is your name on the tag.
"To Mr. Gorpley.
Have a Merry Christmas.
From your friend...Balki"
Open it, open it.
Balki, that was a gift
from your mama.
Why are you giving this to me?
I thought it meant a lot to you.
It does mean a lot to me.
It's a gift of love.
And my mother taught me
that a gift of love
has to go to the one
who needs it the most.
And right now, that's you.
I‐I don't have a gift to you.
Yes, you do.
If, if you take my gift
then you're giving me a gift.
[instrumental music]
Nothing like this
has ever happened to me.
I don't know what to say.
Nobody's ever...given me a gift
that meant something before.
[sighing]
I feel, uh, kind of strange.
Sort of, uh...warm.
Like I'm almost starting
to like you people.
What you're feeling
is the Christmas spirit.
Do you feel this every
Christmas?
Except for Balki.
He feels like this every day.
‐ Merry Christmas, Mr. Gorpley.
‐ Merry Christmas, Sam.
‐ Merry Christmas.
‐ Merry Christmas.
(all)
Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I tried
to lock you out, Mr. Gorpley.
I would have done the
same thing in your place.
Uh, M‐Merry Christmas, Appleton.
Merry Christmas.
♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪
♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪
♪ Peace on Earth
and mercy mild.. ♪
["Hark The Herald
Angels Sing" instrumental]
[theme music]