Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 4, Episode 1 - The Lottery - full transcript
Larry introduces the lottery to Balki who buys his first ticket which seems to be a winner.
[David Pomeranz performing
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Through the rain and thunder,
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life ♪
♪ My dream ♪
♪ And nothing's
gonna stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Bartokomous.
Where do you think
you're going?
Well, uh..
...since it's quitting time,
I was thinking
I was going outside
to Cousin Larry's car
because sometimes‐‐
Bartokomous.
You can't fool me.
You are not going anywhere
until you compile
that new office directory.
I guess that means you'll be
working late tonight.
Well, no because..
...I already finish it.
‐ What..
‐ Look.
Each employee..
Each employee
is alphabetized
and indexed and cross‐referenced
according to blood type.
And look..
...if anybody needs
blood type O
this little baby tell them
where to go.
Keep smiling, Bartokomous.
Your days here
are numbered.
Oh, Mr. Gorpley.
I'm so flattered you would
take the time to count them.
It makes me feel
kind of special.
Oh, you're special alright.
Balki, I won.
I won.
The winning was done by me.
I was the one who won.
I won. I won, ha‐ha.
I won the lottery.
The lottery?
Oh.
Miss Lydia. Blow my mind,
why don't you?
What's the lottery?
Uh, let me take this one.
[clearing throat]
Sugar, the lottery is a game
run by the state
to raise money
for the schools.
Now, you see, you pick six
numbers
and if it's the right six,
you could win $28 million.
Miss Lydia.
You won $28 million?
Actually, I won $100.
Five minutes ago, it seemed
like a lot of money.
Well, another edition put to bed
and once again I had absolutely
nothing to do with it.
Cousin
do you know anything
about the lottery?
Oh, sure, Balki.
The lottery is a scam
run by the state
to take advantage of people
who didn't show up
when they were
passing out brains.
Right, Lydia?
Drop dead, Larry.
Thanks a lot.
Now I've got to listen
to her whine
all the way to the fifth floor.
[yelling]
I cannot believe
that he said that to me..
Did I miss something?
Miss Lydia won
a $100 in the lottery.
Oh, shoot.
Cousin..
...I want play the lottery
No. You can't play
the lottery.
‐ I want play the lottery.
‐ No, Balki.
The chances of winning
the lottery are astronomical.
Well, if it's good enough
for our space program
it's good enough for me.
No, no. Balki, Balki.
You got a better chance
of getting hit by a car.
Well, sure I do but..
...who wants to buy
a ticket for that?
No, Balki.
You're not playing
the lottery.
'No, Balki.'
Balki. Balki..
♪ If I were a rich man ♪
[humming]
♪ If I were a wealthy man.. ♪
I can't believe..
...that after
everything I said
you still bought
a lottery ticket.
I can't believe you give
me the dollar.
No, I didn't give you
the dollar
I lent you the dollar
and I want it back.
Okay, cousin.
Here you go.
But first..
...I would like to offer
you the opportunity
to buy half
my lottery ticket.
No, thanks.
Cousin, after all
you took me in
you gave me shelter,
you feed me, you‐‐
Just give me my dollar
and we'll call it even.
But Cousin
I'm a simple sheepherder
my needs are few.
I don't need $28 million.
I think I could
slide by with 14 million.
I don't want half your ticket,
I don't want any of your ticket
I just want the money you owe me
Balki, look..
Let me teach you a little lesson
in economic reality.
Will this be followed by a short
question and answer period?
Just listen.
This is a nice,
crisp dollar bill.
Let me read for just a moment.
"This note is legal tender for
all debts, public and private."
That means I can buy
things with it.
I give this to someone and they
give me things I want.
This, on the other hand
is a totally worthless
piece of paper.
You cannot buy anything
with this, nothing.
Zip, zero, zilch.
No one with an ounce of common
sense would trade this..
...for this.
Unless this..
were worth
28 million of those.
♪ I wouldn't have to work ♪
[humming]
Hurry up, Balki, it's almost
time for the drawing.
Wouldn't it be great
if one of us actually won?
Oh.
If I won I'd buy the airline.
Then I could make up
the schedule
so I don't have
to work double shifts.
You would buy the airline
just so you could change
your schedule?
Well, yes.
And then I'd decrease my
holdings but maintain
a controlling interest, initiate
a three‐for‐one stock split
and roll my money
into high yield junk bonds.
What about you, Larry? What
would you do with $28 million?
Sorry, Jennifer, I'm a newspaper
man. My beat is reality.
This is the part where he takes
the fun out of the evening,
Balki, what would you do
if you won the lottery?
Yeah, Balki, after all
you're the one
holding the winning ticket.
Well, um
first I would
take a big chunk
and pay off the Myposian
national debt.
Balki, the entire national debt?
How much is that?
$635.
And then after my country
is back on her feet
I would love to do something
for the poor people of Chicago.
I'd love to..
...to give homes
to the homeless
jobs to the jobless,
shifts to the shiftless.
Balki, that is so sweet.
Oh, look, they're doing
the drawing.
Oh.
Balki, where's your ticket?
I hide it away in a safe place
but don't worry, I write
the numbers down right here.
(male announcer on TV)
'Alright, everybody, get your
lottery tickets ready.'
Cousin, I can't stand
the suspense.
Please, you check
the numbers for me?
Oh, golly gee, Balki.
You're gonna trust me
with the winning numbers?
Back off, Cousin,
just check the numbers.
[drum rolls on TV]
(male announcer on TV)
'Fifteen..'
'...thirty two..'
'...fifty two..'
'...twenty one..'
'...twenty four..'
'...and thirty four.'
'Let's go over
those numbers again.'
Well, that's it for me.
Balki, it's over.
We all lost.
What?
But, but the man at the store
tell me that
'he was sure that that I had
the winning numbers.'
(Mary Anne)
'Oh, they say
that to everybody.'
Larry, are you alright?
Balki.
Balki..
You've won $28 million.
‐ I won?
‐ You've won.
I won.
[girls cheering]
[instrumental music]
‐ Goodnight.
‐ Bye.
You know, Balki
$28 million hasn't changed
you at all.
Well, I'm just
a simple sheep herder.
Who is rich beyond
my wildest dreams.
♪ Da di di di da da da da da ♪
♪ Da di di di da da da da da ♪
♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪
♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪
[both laughing]
I can't believe I won
the giant jackpot.
We're rich, Balki.
We're rich.
[laughing]
Mama will be so proud.
We did it.
We did it.
Cousin, tell me
I'm not dreaming.
Tell me I really won.
You're not dreaming.
We won alright.
Tell me again?
We won.
Question..
How could we win
if I bought
the lottery ticket?
Well, don't get me
wrong, I mean
no one questions
that you bought the ticket.
But let's not forget
that I loaned you the money.
Gave you the capital.
Made the initial outlay
for our risky venture.
Yes and in gratitude,
I offered you the opportunity
to buy one half of what
I correctly claimed
was the winning ticket
but you refused.
And then you made
fun of me
and then you accused me
of throwing my money
down a rat hole.
I've changed my mind
since then.
Oh, Cousin..
...if only life
were that simple.
Uh, uh, Balki, Balki
I'll tell you what.
As a show of faith
I've got twenty bucks
I'll go out,
buy twenty tickets
and whatever I win
we'll split 50‐50.
So, now you
like the lottery?
Oh, I do, I do.
That's funny because
if memory serves me,
and I think it does.
When we were in the store,
I recall you told me
that if I were to look up
the word "Sucker"
in a dictionary,
my picture would be there.
Balki..
...please, please, please.
I want to be rich.
[mumbling]
Cousin
I'm just playing a game
of cat and louse with you.
Of course, I share
my jackpot with you.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
In your face,
Donald Trump.
Now..
...where is
the lottery ticket?
‐ I hide it.
‐ Good for you.
Where did you hide it?
Balki.
Do you remember
where you hid it?
Not right now.
What do you mean
not right now?
Where is it?
Well, I hide it and then
I hide it again so many times
that, that I forget
where I hide it last.
[yelling]
You have got to remember.
Alright, that's alright,
no problem.
No problem.
Take your time.
No hurry,
just try to think back.
You put the ticket..
‐ I put the ticket..
‐ You put the ticket..
I put the ticket..
...in my..
You put the ticket in your..
Winter coat.
Winter coat.
There.
[exhaling]
Spring.
Summer.
Autumn.
‐ Winter.
‐ Oh.
[panting]
‐ The ticket's not there.
‐ It's not there?
Ha, I was sure
I put it in there.
I‐I remember thinking
that I would put it
either in my winter coat
or...in a cereal box.
Ah. Look, cousin.
You found it.
You found it.
What is it?
It's the Captain Power
decoder ring.
Now I have a complete set.
Now you don't.
Where is it?
Think. Think.
I can't think.
I was up all night.
I don't get any sleep..
[mumbling]
Alright, alright,
alright, alright.
Alright, just try
to remember.
Try to remember.
You had the ticket
in your hand.
‐ Yes.
‐ You were in the apartment..
‐ I was in the living room.
‐ In the living room..
Alright, and then?
I was watching TV.
Over there.
And then?
I began to gaze
into the fire.
[muttering]
Alright, okay.
And then?
I began to think of home.
And then, and then,
and then?
And then..
...I don't remember.
You don't remember
where you hid
a lottery ticket
worth $28 million?
‐ Books.
‐ What about them?
It's hidden behind the books.
Wait a minute.
Now that I think about it
It's not behind the books.
It's in one of the books.
Which one? It makes
a difference, you know?
‐ Shakespeare.
‐ Shakespeare.
Shakespeare, Shakespeare..
‐ Comedies or tragedies?
‐ Sonnets.
Sonnets.
Oh, my God.
It's not here.
It's not there?
[yelling]
Where is it?
Think. Think.
I can't think.
There's no air to my brain.
Ha, ha, ha.
Oh, that's better.
I must have hidden it underneath
the corner of the carpet.
Impossible. I would've found
it when I vacuumed.
It's not in there.
Alright, alright.
Don't panic.
Alright, it's gotta be
here somewhere.
You take the kitchen.
I'll take the living room.
The kitchen.
The kitchen, the kitchen.
[knock on door]
‐ Come in.
‐ Come in.
Wow.
You guys got eccentric fast.
Larry, what happened?
Were you robbed?
I lost a lottery ticket.
[both sobbing]
Well, easy come,
easy go.
Well, listen, uh
we have to work a flight
but we'll be back tonight
and we'll just
help you find it.
‐ Thank you.
‐ Thank you.
Oh, Balki. Here's that envelope
you asked me to hold for you.
Cousin
we're multiple
millionaires again.
[both screaming]
Hello, listen.
I think if you just check the
numbers on our lottery ticket
you'll find that we're the
lottery's newest millionaires.
Large bills will be fine.
Yeah. We issue checks
for anything over $100.
Well, I guess this
is one check we won't be
cashing at the "Quick Shop."
Yeah, mind if I check
the numbers?
We like to do that before we
hand over $28 million.
‐ Oh, of course.
‐ Oh, of course.
15, 15.
32, 32.
'52, 52.'
21, 21.
24, 27.
Hold it.
34, 37.
N‐no, those aren't
the right numbers.
You know, that same thought
just occurred to me.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's something wrong
here, you hear?
Balki has the numbers written
right on this piece of paper.
‐ Yeah, 15
‐ Uh‐huh.
32, 52, 21..
Yeah, now, is that a four
or a seven?
‐ Four.
‐ Seven.
What do you mean a seven?
Now, I can see how you might
think that it was a four.
It's got that little line
through the middle.
I also put that
through my "Z's"
so that nobody thinks
they're two's.
Who cares about your "Z's?"
I want our money.
Give me our $28 million.
Sir, this ticket has
the wrong number.
Who cares about this ticket?
Look, look at this paper.
It has got to be worth
at least a million.
Cousin..
Remember, reality
is your beat
and the beat goes on.
Wait, you, you did
match four numbers.
You won $100.
Thank you.
Very nice of you.
‐ Come along, cousin.
‐ I don't want $100.
‐ Isn't it nice?
‐ I want $28 million.
That's the story of my life.
What made me think
I could win the lottery?
But, cousin.
We did win the lottery.
We picked four numbers
out of six.
We won $100.
Big deal.
What's a $100?
What's a $100?
It's one pair of "Air Jordan"
basketball shoes.
It's twenty trips to the top
of the "Sear's Tower."
It's a four year subscription to
"Sports Illustrated" magazine
which if we order now, includes
the baseball preview
and the swimsuit issue.
Balki.
How do you do it?
Cousin..
...if you just take a little
postcard out of the magazine..
No, no, no.
No, no.
I mean
you see the $100 we won
and I see
the $27,999,900
we lost.
Well, now, cousin.
You're comparing the $28 million
you thought you had yesterday
with the $100
that you do have today.
And I'm comparing the $100
that we do have today
with the $100 we did
not have yesterday.
Balki, you're right.
You know, I guess..
I see the glass half empty.
And you, you, you..
...always see
the glass half‐full.
Cousin..
...I don't see a glass
at all.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[music continues]
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Through the rain and thunder,
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life ♪
♪ My dream ♪
♪ And nothing's
gonna stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Bartokomous.
Where do you think
you're going?
Well, uh..
...since it's quitting time,
I was thinking
I was going outside
to Cousin Larry's car
because sometimes‐‐
Bartokomous.
You can't fool me.
You are not going anywhere
until you compile
that new office directory.
I guess that means you'll be
working late tonight.
Well, no because..
...I already finish it.
‐ What..
‐ Look.
Each employee..
Each employee
is alphabetized
and indexed and cross‐referenced
according to blood type.
And look..
...if anybody needs
blood type O
this little baby tell them
where to go.
Keep smiling, Bartokomous.
Your days here
are numbered.
Oh, Mr. Gorpley.
I'm so flattered you would
take the time to count them.
It makes me feel
kind of special.
Oh, you're special alright.
Balki, I won.
I won.
The winning was done by me.
I was the one who won.
I won. I won, ha‐ha.
I won the lottery.
The lottery?
Oh.
Miss Lydia. Blow my mind,
why don't you?
What's the lottery?
Uh, let me take this one.
[clearing throat]
Sugar, the lottery is a game
run by the state
to raise money
for the schools.
Now, you see, you pick six
numbers
and if it's the right six,
you could win $28 million.
Miss Lydia.
You won $28 million?
Actually, I won $100.
Five minutes ago, it seemed
like a lot of money.
Well, another edition put to bed
and once again I had absolutely
nothing to do with it.
Cousin
do you know anything
about the lottery?
Oh, sure, Balki.
The lottery is a scam
run by the state
to take advantage of people
who didn't show up
when they were
passing out brains.
Right, Lydia?
Drop dead, Larry.
Thanks a lot.
Now I've got to listen
to her whine
all the way to the fifth floor.
[yelling]
I cannot believe
that he said that to me..
Did I miss something?
Miss Lydia won
a $100 in the lottery.
Oh, shoot.
Cousin..
...I want play the lottery
No. You can't play
the lottery.
‐ I want play the lottery.
‐ No, Balki.
The chances of winning
the lottery are astronomical.
Well, if it's good enough
for our space program
it's good enough for me.
No, no. Balki, Balki.
You got a better chance
of getting hit by a car.
Well, sure I do but..
...who wants to buy
a ticket for that?
No, Balki.
You're not playing
the lottery.
'No, Balki.'
Balki. Balki..
♪ If I were a rich man ♪
[humming]
♪ If I were a wealthy man.. ♪
I can't believe..
...that after
everything I said
you still bought
a lottery ticket.
I can't believe you give
me the dollar.
No, I didn't give you
the dollar
I lent you the dollar
and I want it back.
Okay, cousin.
Here you go.
But first..
...I would like to offer
you the opportunity
to buy half
my lottery ticket.
No, thanks.
Cousin, after all
you took me in
you gave me shelter,
you feed me, you‐‐
Just give me my dollar
and we'll call it even.
But Cousin
I'm a simple sheepherder
my needs are few.
I don't need $28 million.
I think I could
slide by with 14 million.
I don't want half your ticket,
I don't want any of your ticket
I just want the money you owe me
Balki, look..
Let me teach you a little lesson
in economic reality.
Will this be followed by a short
question and answer period?
Just listen.
This is a nice,
crisp dollar bill.
Let me read for just a moment.
"This note is legal tender for
all debts, public and private."
That means I can buy
things with it.
I give this to someone and they
give me things I want.
This, on the other hand
is a totally worthless
piece of paper.
You cannot buy anything
with this, nothing.
Zip, zero, zilch.
No one with an ounce of common
sense would trade this..
...for this.
Unless this..
were worth
28 million of those.
♪ I wouldn't have to work ♪
[humming]
Hurry up, Balki, it's almost
time for the drawing.
Wouldn't it be great
if one of us actually won?
Oh.
If I won I'd buy the airline.
Then I could make up
the schedule
so I don't have
to work double shifts.
You would buy the airline
just so you could change
your schedule?
Well, yes.
And then I'd decrease my
holdings but maintain
a controlling interest, initiate
a three‐for‐one stock split
and roll my money
into high yield junk bonds.
What about you, Larry? What
would you do with $28 million?
Sorry, Jennifer, I'm a newspaper
man. My beat is reality.
This is the part where he takes
the fun out of the evening,
Balki, what would you do
if you won the lottery?
Yeah, Balki, after all
you're the one
holding the winning ticket.
Well, um
first I would
take a big chunk
and pay off the Myposian
national debt.
Balki, the entire national debt?
How much is that?
$635.
And then after my country
is back on her feet
I would love to do something
for the poor people of Chicago.
I'd love to..
...to give homes
to the homeless
jobs to the jobless,
shifts to the shiftless.
Balki, that is so sweet.
Oh, look, they're doing
the drawing.
Oh.
Balki, where's your ticket?
I hide it away in a safe place
but don't worry, I write
the numbers down right here.
(male announcer on TV)
'Alright, everybody, get your
lottery tickets ready.'
Cousin, I can't stand
the suspense.
Please, you check
the numbers for me?
Oh, golly gee, Balki.
You're gonna trust me
with the winning numbers?
Back off, Cousin,
just check the numbers.
[drum rolls on TV]
(male announcer on TV)
'Fifteen..'
'...thirty two..'
'...fifty two..'
'...twenty one..'
'...twenty four..'
'...and thirty four.'
'Let's go over
those numbers again.'
Well, that's it for me.
Balki, it's over.
We all lost.
What?
But, but the man at the store
tell me that
'he was sure that that I had
the winning numbers.'
(Mary Anne)
'Oh, they say
that to everybody.'
Larry, are you alright?
Balki.
Balki..
You've won $28 million.
‐ I won?
‐ You've won.
I won.
[girls cheering]
[instrumental music]
‐ Goodnight.
‐ Bye.
You know, Balki
$28 million hasn't changed
you at all.
Well, I'm just
a simple sheep herder.
Who is rich beyond
my wildest dreams.
♪ Da di di di da da da da da ♪
♪ Da di di di da da da da da ♪
♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪
♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪
[both laughing]
I can't believe I won
the giant jackpot.
We're rich, Balki.
We're rich.
[laughing]
Mama will be so proud.
We did it.
We did it.
Cousin, tell me
I'm not dreaming.
Tell me I really won.
You're not dreaming.
We won alright.
Tell me again?
We won.
Question..
How could we win
if I bought
the lottery ticket?
Well, don't get me
wrong, I mean
no one questions
that you bought the ticket.
But let's not forget
that I loaned you the money.
Gave you the capital.
Made the initial outlay
for our risky venture.
Yes and in gratitude,
I offered you the opportunity
to buy one half of what
I correctly claimed
was the winning ticket
but you refused.
And then you made
fun of me
and then you accused me
of throwing my money
down a rat hole.
I've changed my mind
since then.
Oh, Cousin..
...if only life
were that simple.
Uh, uh, Balki, Balki
I'll tell you what.
As a show of faith
I've got twenty bucks
I'll go out,
buy twenty tickets
and whatever I win
we'll split 50‐50.
So, now you
like the lottery?
Oh, I do, I do.
That's funny because
if memory serves me,
and I think it does.
When we were in the store,
I recall you told me
that if I were to look up
the word "Sucker"
in a dictionary,
my picture would be there.
Balki..
...please, please, please.
I want to be rich.
[mumbling]
Cousin
I'm just playing a game
of cat and louse with you.
Of course, I share
my jackpot with you.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
In your face,
Donald Trump.
Now..
...where is
the lottery ticket?
‐ I hide it.
‐ Good for you.
Where did you hide it?
Balki.
Do you remember
where you hid it?
Not right now.
What do you mean
not right now?
Where is it?
Well, I hide it and then
I hide it again so many times
that, that I forget
where I hide it last.
[yelling]
You have got to remember.
Alright, that's alright,
no problem.
No problem.
Take your time.
No hurry,
just try to think back.
You put the ticket..
‐ I put the ticket..
‐ You put the ticket..
I put the ticket..
...in my..
You put the ticket in your..
Winter coat.
Winter coat.
There.
[exhaling]
Spring.
Summer.
Autumn.
‐ Winter.
‐ Oh.
[panting]
‐ The ticket's not there.
‐ It's not there?
Ha, I was sure
I put it in there.
I‐I remember thinking
that I would put it
either in my winter coat
or...in a cereal box.
Ah. Look, cousin.
You found it.
You found it.
What is it?
It's the Captain Power
decoder ring.
Now I have a complete set.
Now you don't.
Where is it?
Think. Think.
I can't think.
I was up all night.
I don't get any sleep..
[mumbling]
Alright, alright,
alright, alright.
Alright, just try
to remember.
Try to remember.
You had the ticket
in your hand.
‐ Yes.
‐ You were in the apartment..
‐ I was in the living room.
‐ In the living room..
Alright, and then?
I was watching TV.
Over there.
And then?
I began to gaze
into the fire.
[muttering]
Alright, okay.
And then?
I began to think of home.
And then, and then,
and then?
And then..
...I don't remember.
You don't remember
where you hid
a lottery ticket
worth $28 million?
‐ Books.
‐ What about them?
It's hidden behind the books.
Wait a minute.
Now that I think about it
It's not behind the books.
It's in one of the books.
Which one? It makes
a difference, you know?
‐ Shakespeare.
‐ Shakespeare.
Shakespeare, Shakespeare..
‐ Comedies or tragedies?
‐ Sonnets.
Sonnets.
Oh, my God.
It's not here.
It's not there?
[yelling]
Where is it?
Think. Think.
I can't think.
There's no air to my brain.
Ha, ha, ha.
Oh, that's better.
I must have hidden it underneath
the corner of the carpet.
Impossible. I would've found
it when I vacuumed.
It's not in there.
Alright, alright.
Don't panic.
Alright, it's gotta be
here somewhere.
You take the kitchen.
I'll take the living room.
The kitchen.
The kitchen, the kitchen.
[knock on door]
‐ Come in.
‐ Come in.
Wow.
You guys got eccentric fast.
Larry, what happened?
Were you robbed?
I lost a lottery ticket.
[both sobbing]
Well, easy come,
easy go.
Well, listen, uh
we have to work a flight
but we'll be back tonight
and we'll just
help you find it.
‐ Thank you.
‐ Thank you.
Oh, Balki. Here's that envelope
you asked me to hold for you.
Cousin
we're multiple
millionaires again.
[both screaming]
Hello, listen.
I think if you just check the
numbers on our lottery ticket
you'll find that we're the
lottery's newest millionaires.
Large bills will be fine.
Yeah. We issue checks
for anything over $100.
Well, I guess this
is one check we won't be
cashing at the "Quick Shop."
Yeah, mind if I check
the numbers?
We like to do that before we
hand over $28 million.
‐ Oh, of course.
‐ Oh, of course.
15, 15.
32, 32.
'52, 52.'
21, 21.
24, 27.
Hold it.
34, 37.
N‐no, those aren't
the right numbers.
You know, that same thought
just occurred to me.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's something wrong
here, you hear?
Balki has the numbers written
right on this piece of paper.
‐ Yeah, 15
‐ Uh‐huh.
32, 52, 21..
Yeah, now, is that a four
or a seven?
‐ Four.
‐ Seven.
What do you mean a seven?
Now, I can see how you might
think that it was a four.
It's got that little line
through the middle.
I also put that
through my "Z's"
so that nobody thinks
they're two's.
Who cares about your "Z's?"
I want our money.
Give me our $28 million.
Sir, this ticket has
the wrong number.
Who cares about this ticket?
Look, look at this paper.
It has got to be worth
at least a million.
Cousin..
Remember, reality
is your beat
and the beat goes on.
Wait, you, you did
match four numbers.
You won $100.
Thank you.
Very nice of you.
‐ Come along, cousin.
‐ I don't want $100.
‐ Isn't it nice?
‐ I want $28 million.
That's the story of my life.
What made me think
I could win the lottery?
But, cousin.
We did win the lottery.
We picked four numbers
out of six.
We won $100.
Big deal.
What's a $100?
What's a $100?
It's one pair of "Air Jordan"
basketball shoes.
It's twenty trips to the top
of the "Sear's Tower."
It's a four year subscription to
"Sports Illustrated" magazine
which if we order now, includes
the baseball preview
and the swimsuit issue.
Balki.
How do you do it?
Cousin..
...if you just take a little
postcard out of the magazine..
No, no, no.
No, no.
I mean
you see the $100 we won
and I see
the $27,999,900
we lost.
Well, now, cousin.
You're comparing the $28 million
you thought you had yesterday
with the $100
that you do have today.
And I'm comparing the $100
that we do have today
with the $100 we did
not have yesterday.
Balki, you're right.
You know, I guess..
I see the glass half empty.
And you, you, you..
...always see
the glass half‐full.
Cousin..
...I don't see a glass
at all.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[music continues]