Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 3, Episode 10 - Couch Potato - full transcript

Sometimes the world
looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you just
get a feeling

* Like you need
some kind of change

* No matter what the odds
are this time

* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way

* This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street
a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall



* On the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna
stop me now *

BALKI: Okay,
this is a hard one.

You'll never guess this.

ALL: Bambi.

You guys are good.

Balki, you always
do Bambi.

Boy, when the four of us
get together

we sure do have fun,
don't we?

Jennifer has something
she's been
wanting to tell you.



Uh, um, maybe later.

Now, come on.
What is it?

Well, the airline
is giving me a promotion.

Oh!

And I'm moving
to Los Angeles.

Oh!

Oh.

What do you think
about that, Larry?

A promotion.

In Los Angeles.

Mary Anne.

Are you going
to Los Angeles, too?

Oh, no,
I have allergies.

So, uh,

Jennifer,
when are you moving?

I haven't given them
a definite yes.

I mean, It's a good
career move,

and it's more money
and the weather is great,

but Chicago is my home.

What do you think
about that, Larry?

What do I think?

Yeah, I mean,
she has a point.

It's a good
career move,

Well, weather is great.

And maybe
she should go for it.

Uh, you know
what they say,

opportunity knocks
but once.

You're right.

I don't know why
I was so indecisive.

I guess if it's
a good career move

and it's more money

and the weather's great.

Well, what's
keeping me here?

Nothing.

Let's go, Mary Anne,
it's late.

Thanks for
the wonderful evening.

Goodnight.

"Opportunity
knocks but once"?

The woman of your dreams
is, is leaving for California

and that's all
you can say?

"Opportunity
knocks but once"?

Can you afford it?

All right, what
was I supposed to say?

She obviously has
her plans made,

and, and I'm not
part of them.

Oh, cousin, cousin,
cousin, cousin.

Listen to the wisdom
that made Mypos great.

There are
none so blind

as those who
will not hear.

Cousin, you, you've
gotta go up to her

and tell her
you will die
a thousand deaths

if she go to California.

Not a chance.

If I went out there
and told her how I felt

she'd laugh in my face.

But, cousin,
if, if you don't,
don't tell her,

you'll regret it
for the rest
of your life.

Forget it, Balki.

Nothing you can say
will change my mind.

BALKI:
You're going to regret it
the rest of your life.

Opportunity knocks but once.

You're going to be
a lonely old man.

Old man.

Darling, I'm home.

Wow.

Married 37 years

Dinner's almost ready.

How was your day?

Oh, Balki,
I thought we agreed
we had enough hotels.

Well, I know,
but this one got
a revolving door

and you know how much
I love revolving doors.

Oh, Balki.
You'll never grow up.

I certainly hope not.

BOTH:
Come in, Cousin Larry.

Hope I'm not
interrupting anything.

I brought
the rent check.

I'm afraid
I'm a little short
this month.

Larry, we've told you
every month.

You don't have
to pay rent.

Balki owns
the building.

I know, I know,

I'll, I'll make it up
next month.

How much am I behind?

Oh, cousin,
I have no idea.

No, really
I want to know.

It's absolutely nothing.

I insist.
Cousin, it's a pittance.

Balki, how much
do I owe you?

Thirty five
thousand dollars.

I'm good for it.

One of these days
I'm gonna
hit the lottery.

Well, of course you are,
don't be absurd.

Is that pig snout
I smell?

I haven't had
a good pig snout
dinner since, uh,

since, uh...

Yesterday.
That's right.

Well, I never
could say no to
Mary Anne's snout.

Oh, you're
expecting someone.

Only you, cousin.

Oh, there we go.

I made Jell-O
for dessert.

Love Jell-O.
Always have.

You'll never guess
who I got
a letter from today.

Jennifer?

Remember you,
you let her
go to Los Angeles

and it ruined your life.

No, can't place her.

In her letter she said
she's getting a divorce.

I think he's
a Yugoslavian prince.

Are you sure
it's not the astronaut?

No, no, no, the prince
was her second husband.

He came between
the Texas oil man
and the astronaut.

She's divorcing
her fourth husband.

I don't know what he does,
but I think he owns Asia.

If it's
the same Jennifer
I'm thinking about.

Well, if it is the Jennifer
you're thinking about,

she'll be
in town tomorrow
and she's stopping

by here for a visit.

Isn't that
magnificent, cousin?

Finally, after
all these years

you'll be able to see
Jennifer face to face.

Here's looking
at you, kid.

Cousin, I...

That makes you
a bit more
than fashionably late.

I started dressing
three hours ago,

but I can't
help but feel

something's missing.

Your pants, perhaps?
Hmm?

Oh, oh.

Cousin, you know,

I haven't seen you
dressed in a necktie
in quite a while.

You cut a fine figure.

You mean it?

Would I lie to you?

Cousin, come along,
let's go
and see Jennifer.

Oh, Balki,
what's the point?

Any feelings...

Any feelings
I had for Jennifer
are dead and buried.

Well, from the looks
of your apartment,
it's a shallow grave.

Well, maybe I still feel
something for Jennifer.

So what?

It's too late.

Ah! It's never
too late.

It's over. It's done.

It's yesterday's potatoes.

Oh, ya, ya, ya...

Yeah, it's easy
for you to say.

But for me,
the ship has sailed.

She said she'd love
to see you again.

She did?

Yes, she did.

See how she's changed.

See if the years
have treated her well.

We could talk about
all the things she's done.

All the things
I haven't done.

Cousin, think of it, man.

There was a spark
there once.

Perhaps you can fan it
into a flame again.

Fan it, man.
Fan it.

You're right, Balki.

Let's go see Jennifer.

Oh, cousin,
now we are so happy

we do the dance of joy.

BOTH: * Di-di-di-di,
di-di-di-di-di-di

* Hey, hey

* Hey, hey

* Hey, hey *

BALKI:
This is your second chance.

There was a spark there once.

Fan it, man. Fan it.

This is your last chance.

Last chance.

I don't know
about this, Balki.

I'm not as cute as
I used to be.

I'm an old man.

Well, cousin,
we're all old.

Oh, you're here.

And you look so

clean.

Jennifer's a
little nervous
about seeing you.

Maybe she's not as cute
as she used to be.

Here's Jennifer, Larry.

Hi, Larry.

Jennifer, you haven't
changed a bit.

Well...

I mean nothing.

Not anything.

Try to show
a little dignity.

Why don't we all sit down?

Well, here we all are

together again.

The four musketeers.

Friends till the end.
That's right.

Well,

we got to go.

Go? What,
what do you mean go?

Where, where
are you going?
I just got here.

Ever since Balki
bought the Cubs,

he likes to throw out
the first ball.

Of every game.

Baseball fever.

I caught it,
and I bought it.

Balki. Balki.

You can't
leave me alone
with Jennifer.

But, cousin, this is
your chance to reveal
to her how you feel.

It... The sounds you hear
is opportunity knocking.

So you just, you just
walk right to the...
Balki?

We should be going
we're going to be late.

Balki, honey,
let them both speak.

Darling, we're,
we're not
going to be late.

You just walk
right across...
Balki.

Darling, I'm involved.

All right. Let's go.

See you later.

Uh, Larry, I meant
to tell you that--
Jennifer--

Uh, go ahead.
No, you go on.

No, ladies first.

I have to go.
Huh?

I don't have much time,
I have a plane to catch.

Jennifer don't go
to Los Angeles!

I'm not going
to Los Angeles.
I'm going to Monte Carlo.

No, no, it's what
I should have
said 40 years ago

when you had
that job opportunity
in California.

I wanted you to stay
in Chicago with me.

I like you a lot now.

I'll probably always
like you a lot.

You do?

You like me?

That's wonderful.

We can build
a life together.

We'll start over.
Let's have
lots of kids.

Where do you
want to live?

I like Chicago,
but California's

probably better
for my rheumatism.

Little thing here.
Oh, what the heck!

It doesn't matter
where we are

as long as
we're together.

Oh, gosh, Jennifer.
I feel 60 again.

Well, Larry, we live
in different worlds now.

I mean, mine is a world
of fancy parties

lunch at the Polo Lounge,
dinner at Maxim's.

The cholesterol alone
would kill you.

Where are you going?

Please, don't go.

If only you'd
said something
40 years ago,

things might
have been different.

I understand.

Goodbye, Jennifer.

Goodbye, Larry.

No, don't go!

No, no!

No, don't leave me!
Don't leave me!

Oh, don't leave me!

Please, don't leave me.

Don't leave me!

Oh, what... What...

Oh! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Hello, you wonderful
old Myposian artifacts!
Oh! Coming through.

Ah-hah!
I have hair!
I have hair!

Lots of hair.

Mom!

You have
no mustache!

Zuzu's petals!

It's not too late.

Must be
an antacid flashback.

Who is it?

Larry, what's wrong?
Jennifer, don't go.

What?
Don't go to Los Angeles.

You don't want me to go?

No. No.

I'm not too late
again, am I?

Jennifer,
I really like you.

I don't think
I've liked
anybody as much.

Oh, Larry,
when you didn't
say anything

I thought that
you didn't feel

about me the way
I feel about you.

Well, how do you
feel about me?

I like you, Larry.

As long as you like me.

I do, I do, I like you.

I want to
stay here, too.

You do?
I do.

I'll stay.

You won't be sorry.
We'll have fun.

I'll do nice things
for you.

Do you want a pizza?

Larry, it's three o'clock
in the morning.

Right.

Yes, I got you up.

I'll go back downstairs

'cause, and I just,
I just, I...

Do you still like me?

Does that answer
your question?

I guess it does.

Well, I, I, I should be going.

Shouldn't I?

I, I think so.

Goodnight.

Whoa! Whoa!

Balki.

You'll never guess
what happened.

You fell down the stairs.

Well, yes,
but that's not important.

Jennifer's not going
to Los Angeles.

She likes me,
she really likes me.

Cousin, you're starting
to sound like Sally Field
at the Academy Awards.

I can't help it.

You're the one
who told me to go upstairs
and tell her how I feel.

Well, I like
to call them
like I call them.

You know, I have always
let opportunities
slip through my fingers

because I've been
afraid to take chances.

Well, I learned
a lesson tonight.

Yes, you did.

and you stepped in
something good.

Balki,

I feel, like,
I'm on top of the world.

I feel, like,
I could do anything.

I feel...

I feel like
I broke my leg.