Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 2, Episode 7 - Falling in Love Is... - full transcript

* Sometimes the world
looks perfect

* Sometimes you just
get a feeling

* Like you need some
kind of change

* Standing tall
on the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna stop me now

* Nothing's gonna stop me now *

Hi. Is there anything
I can do for you?



Cousin, this is
the greatest day
of my life!

Even greater than
the day I bought

my first pair of
Levi's for men

with just a skosh more room.

What happened?

Today I am in love!

You fell in love during
your lunch break?

Where is this restaurant?

She the girl
I tell you about
from my American history class.

Yes, the one you've been
worshiping from afar.

That's when she sit way
on the other side of the class.

But I... I notice her
because she's a poor

shy, little creature
huddled in the corner.

But last night,
the teacher put us together



and she begin to open up
like a little flower.

Oh, that's nice.

And then today, we had
to have lunch to discuss

the term paper
we have to write.

(STAMMERING)
And she confessed to me

that she has had
secret feeling for me too.

And it's just like
the great Jiminy Cricket said...

* Fairy tales can come true

* It could happen to you *

That's Frank Sinatra.

I think Jiminy Cricket said...

* When you wish upon a star

* Makes no difference
who you are

* When you wish

* Upon a star
* Upon a star

* Your dreams come true *
* Your dreams come true *

Balki, you're in love!

Congratulations.
Thank you. Thank you.

Can I buy something
before the next chorus?

Thank you.
Oh, well...

Cousin?
Hmm.

I guess so.

We bachelors have to
help each other out.

I'll just say a quick hello
and make myself scarce

so you can
be alone, huh?

I'm not going to be alone.
Carol will be with me.

Okay, here's how it works.

When Carol gets here,
you'll introduce me

and then I'll go
to the movie.

Now, the movie
gets out at 10:50.

If I get back and
the curtain is drawn

I'll go to the coffee shop
and call you

letting it ring once.

to finish any,

you know,
unfinished business.

Got it?

I had no idea my date would
make your life so complicated.

Don't worry about it.

What's this?

Zingers,

Ding Dongs,

candy-coated corns.

And I don't know
what you call these

No deposit, no return.
(LAUGHING)

Are these what
I think they are?

Balki, give me the lips.
Uh-uh.

Give me the lips.
Uh-uh.

Give me the lips
Hmm.

Believe me, wax lips do not
a romantic evening make.

Okay, I'll give you...

(DOORBELL DINGS)

And here's Carol.

Hi, Balki.

Hi, Carol.
Hi.

This... This is
my cousin, Larry.

Hi, Carol.

Oh! What is that
that you're wearing?

Well, I'm wearing
my shirt and...

And my suspenders
and my Spider-Man underwear.

I... I meant your cologne.

No wonder all the girls
at school are crazy about you.

Oh!

Tell me something I don't know.

Okay, you come
here and sit down.

And Cousin Larry will make
some small talk with you

so that he can go to a movie
and leave us alone.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Uh, so, um, you're in
Balki's history class?

Uh-huh.
Hmm.

I hate history.

But I have to take it
to get my high school diploma.

Hey, isn't Balki
a great guy? Huh?

Yeah.

But let's talk about you.

I hear you're a photographer.

Oh, yes, I am.

Can you get me
into a modeling agency?

Well, I... I...

Nudity is no problem.

Balki?

Anyone for some uncola?

No, thanks.
I better be running.

But... But Carol, we have
to put our notes together

so we can start
writing our term paper.

Oh. Uh...

I... I meant to tell you.

My mother is in the hospital
and... And she needs me.

You understand?

So run away, child,
and don't look back.

Don't worry.
I put our notes together

and next time,
we start writing.

Oh, Balki.

You're the best study partner
a girl could have.

And I just wove you to death.

Uh, here, my notes.

Uh, well,
I better be running.

Cab's waiting.

Isn't she wonderful?

Uh, Balki... I can't help
noticing that I'm here

and she's not.

Well, of course not.
Her mother is in the hospital.

She looked a little overdressed

for a hospital visit,
don't you think?

Well, her mother is probably
in a very nice hospital.

Well, it looked to me like
she was dressed up for a date

Oh, cousin, that
is not possible.

You hear-ed her.

She woves me to death.

Is wove the same
thing as love

or is there something wrong
with her tongue?

It's forked.

Balki, in Madison,
I knew a girl like Carol.

Her name was Misty.

She was in my algebra class.
I was very good in algebra.

Of course I was, it had
nothing to do with life.

I started going around
telling everyone
how much in love we were.

But it turned out they were
just laughing behind my back

because they knew that
she was just using me
to get a good grade.

Misty got her A
and then she dumped me.

Really broke my heart.

You see what I'm getting at?

Well, of course I do.
Don't be ridiculous, yes?

Balki... Balki, Carol is
using you to do her work

and when the class is over,
she won't remember your name.

Wait a minute.

Are you saying that Carol
is using me to do her work

and that when the class is over,
she won't remember my name?

Yes.

Oh. Popo.

What popo?

Popo.

You haven't had
a date in four weeks'
and then Balki,

the immigrant sheepherder
who doesn't even know
what fork to eat his soup with

comes home with
a beautiful woman

and I think that you're just
a little bit blue with envy.

Uh, that's green with envy
and I don't believe I am.

Well, I don't think you
would have mind so much

if I bring home someone who had
been beaten with the ugly rock.

Stick, stick. Ugly stick.

And I... I am just trying
to help you.

Jealous, jealous, jealous.

Oh. Me, jealous?

You got that right,
Mr. Lonely Guy.

All right.

I tried.

If you don't
wanna listen to me, fine.

But when she breaks
your heart, and she will,

just remember,
I tried to warn you.

Come on.

I got new batteries.
What more do you want?

Cousin.
Balki?

Oh.

Cousin, before I tell you
what I am going to tell you

I want to tell you
that last night

Carol told me
she loved me, again.

(SIGHS)

Oh, she's gone
all the way

from wove to love
in two weeks.

That's real progress.

Cousin, I want you
to like her better

because tonight
the last class

and after we hand in
our term paper

I'm going to pop the question.

What, Balki, you're gonna
ask her to marry you?

Well, of course not.
Don't be ridiculous.

I'm going to pop the question.

That's what
"pop the question" means.

Oh, then, I'm not
gonna do that.

What is it on
Happy Days reruns

when Richie Cunningham
gives a girl his class ring?

That's going steady.

I'm going to ask her
to go steady.

Well, it's your life,
and it's your class ring.

You don't have a class ring.

I do have this.

My great-grandnana's
emerald brooch.

Is that real?
Well, of course it is.

It's been in
my family for 200 years.

Every firstborn
Bartokomous son

give it to the woman
who steals his heart.

You're gonna give
that to Carol?

You don't think she like it?

Oh, she'll wove it.

All the way to the pawnshop.

Hey, give me that.
No.

Balki, give me that pin.

I don't think so.

I just wanna see it,
I've heard so much about it.

I just mentioned it
for the first time.

Well, yes, that's when
I heard so much about it.

May I see it, please?

I'll give it right back.

Do you promise?
I promise.

Are you crazy?

Give me that.

You're gonna give a family
heirloom to that barracuda?

You tricked Balki.

Give me Nana's pin.

No, I won't give you
Nana's pin.

Will you give me that?

(PANTING)
No, no. Ow! Ow!

What's the matter? What?

Ow! It is sticking me.

Oh.
Ow! Mmm.

Ooh. Ow. Ooh.

(GRUNTS)

all right, put me down.

(GRUNTS)

Give me the pin.
No.

I can't stop you from
asking Carol to go steady,

but just let me
keep the pin for a day.

If you ask her to go steady
and she says yes

then I'll give you back the pin

Cousin, she loves me.

I don't know why
you can't believe that.

I don't need the pin,
and I don't need your apologies.

I want your blessing.

Honest to God, I hope
I am wrong about Carol.

Are you sure this woman is
going to hurt Balki that badly?

Am I sure?

I've been there.

When he comes through that door

Oh, he'll pretend everything's
all right while you're here.

But as soon as you leave

he'll open up, pour his poor,
pitiful heart out.

I'll comfort him.

I've got some tissues.

The ice cream
will cheer him up.

A little.

And then he'll sleep
a dreamless sleep

with his arms around Dimitri.

Gosh! You're a great friend.

I can be more than
a friend, Jennifer.

* Ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da

* Ta, da, da, da, da

* Ta, da, da, da, da

* Oh, Carol

* Don't let him steal
your heart away

* Pa, ow, ow

* I'm gonna learn
to dance if it takes me
all night and day

Wax lips! Let's party.

* Ta, da, da, da

* Ta, da, da, da

You were right,
he's devastated.

Good luck.

* ...if it takes me
all night and day

* You can't dance
I know you wish you could

* I got my eyes on you baby
'cause you dance so good *

Macadamia nut ice cream,
my favorite!

But I'm too excited to eat!

What happened tonight?

She didn't
break up with you?
Nope.

You asked her
to go steady?
Yep.

And she said?
Yep.

You asked Carol Mosley,
the same girl that was
here two weeks ago

to go steady with you,
and she said yes?

You ain't just
whistling Dixie cups.

This was the last night
of class?

School is over?
Uh-huh.

Well, Balki, what can I say?

I... I... I made
a big, big mistake.
I am so sorry.

Here, please give this
to Carol with my blessing.

And... I never should
have taken it to begin with.

Cousin, it's okay.
I'm too happy to be mad.

God, it was so beautiful

the... The way she tilted
her head to the side

after I asked her
to go steady and said,

"You and me go steady?
That's cute."

And then she was so happy
that she burst out laughing.

Balki, exactly
how did she laugh?

I... I mean, was it like...

(HEARTY LAUGHTER)

Or was it like...

(SARCASTIC LAUGHTER)

The first one again.

(HEARTY LAUGHTER)

Well, I... It was more
like the second one,
but she don't point.

Why do ask?

After you asked
her to go steady

did you make any plans
for the future?

Oh, it's all we
could talk about.

We are both bursting with joy.

She tell me that she will be
very busy looking for a job

and also for
a new apartment

because she's moving
out of the building
called Jack's Place.

Did she say something like

she was too busy
to get together real soon?

Yes, and I told
her I understand.

Did she also say she was
gonna be getting a new phone

and she'd call you as soon
as she had her new number?

Get out of the city!
You were listening.

Oh, boy!

Balki...

I'm afraid this
is really gonna hurt.

When a woman says
she's too busy

that's her way
of putting you off.

And when she says
she's getting a new phone

she has no intention
of giving you the number.

And Jack's Place is
not the name of a building.

It's Jack's place.

But, cousin, she don't
say any of those things.

Not in those words,
but that's what she meant.

Why are you doing this again?

Why can't you
just be happy for me?

What you saying is no true.

Balki,
if you don't believe me,
then just call her yourself.

Hello? Who is this?

Jack, may I speak
to Carol, please.

I think her brother's
probably named Jack.

Carol. Carol,
this is Balki.

Do you want to go
the movies tomorrow night?

Well, of course I remember
that you said you were busy,

but... But it is Saturday.

Well... Well, yes, but...

Yes, but... But...

But... But I...
I thought...

I thought we were...

Oh.

Okay. Goodbye, Carol.

I hope you have
a nice life too.

(STAMMERING)
Jack is not her brother.

I made a fool of myself.

You tried to warn me
and I wouldn't listen.

Hey, you fell in love.
There's nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes when
you're in love,
you... You can't think straight.

Take my word for it,
the pain will go away.

When?

Well, not for
a long, long time.

But it will go away.

Come on.

I am never

going to fall in love again.

Sure you will.
No, I won't.

I don't want to.
It hurts too much.

But Carol was just not
the right girl for you.

She wasn't good
enough for you.

And somewhere out there

is somebody who's...
Who's right for you.

Somebody who's worthy
of wearing your nana's brooch.

And you'll fall
in love with her

and she'll fall
in love with you.

I'm glad you're here.

Here.

I bought four gallons.

(LAUGHING)