Orange Is the New Black (2013–…): Season 4, Episode 7 - It Sounded Nicer in My Head - full transcript

♪ The animals the animals ♪

♪ Trapped trapped trapped
till the cage is full ♪

♪ The cage is full the day is new ♪

♪ And everyone is waiting
waiting on you ♪

♪ And you've got time ♪

♪ Think of all the roads ♪

♪ Think of all their crossings ♪

♪ Taking steps is easy ♪

♪ Standing still is hard ♪

♪ Remember all their faces ♪

♪ Remember all their voices ♪



♪ Everything is different ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ And you've got time ♪

♪ And you've got time ♪

Hey, Chapman.
I was thinking... my, uh...

my brother runs the Philly
chapter of Aryan Brotherhood.

Maybe it's time we got connected,
make this shit official.

We are a task force, Sankey.

Yeah, technically, but...

isn't that 'cause we're afraid
to say we're worthy of love?

- White shame.
- We got to love ourselves,

loud and proud. White and proud.

I really do not feel comfortable
being a part of a brand.

On the other hand,
there's strength in numbers.



Hey. This bathroom... not yours.

I'm just checking out the water pressure.

We have such long lines on our floor.

I guess because there's so many of us.

- Something's up.
- Come on.

Well, guess you found
a way to stay protected.

It's too bad, you know,
there's no Hawaiian-power group

for me to hide behind.

Oh, you'll be fine.

I'm the only one that Ruiz has beef with.

Probably.

I jumped one of her girls, remember?

They think I'm one of your crew.

Look, I cannot be responsible
for you right now.

- I have to be pragmatic.
- So that's it?

You're... you're throwing me
to the wolves?

I wouldn't say I'm throwing you to them.
I would say that wolves exist...

which I am helpless to defend you against.

There's shit
scratched in one of the stalls.

Man, what did I tell you?

Trying to keep these mongrel races

from making graffiti

is like trying to keep dogs from pissing

and monkeys from throwing poop.

Uh...

you ready to go?

I'm right behind you.

Look, if you're feeling vulnerable,
make friends. Make new friends.

I can't help you, but I'm rooting for you.

This is the hallway...

commissary.

Do you remember this when you were here?

Oh, yeah. It's all coming back to me.

Great. Here's a toothbrush.

- Bye.
- Whoa, whoa, wait.

- What's my bed assignment?
- I don't know. I drive the van.

They didn't tell you in processing?

Man, nobody told me shit.

Yo, should I just go to the dorms,
or what?

Sorry. I can't hear you.
I'm too far away...

Uh, excuse me, officer?

- Keep the traffic moving.
- Yeah, I know.

Look, I'm just wondering wh...

Rubbernecking causes accidents...
from my foot up your ass.

Got it?

All right.
Geez.

Hey, man! How you doing?

Huh. Hey.

Man, you are a sight for sore eyes.
I ain't seen you in, like, forever.

Yeah. I took an extended vacation.

Man, what... what's wrong with these guys?

They work for the government.

Oh.

Come on. Walk with me.

There have been a lot of changes.

I thought this place was
all cool when I first got here,

just private and clean.

But now they brought in the military.

And then they cracked down
on the Jewish presence.

And... and... and now
they got cameras and drones

monitoring our every activity.

Plus, we are ruled
by a fascist bearded giant.

Okay, I am so sorry.

I... you know, I... I just...
I didn't realize.

- You're crazy, and...
- No, no, no.

No, no, no.
It's my fault. It really is.

Because I thought I knew you,
so I engaged in this conversation

thinking you'd say things that made sense,
and that is on me.

It's the... the truth.

Got it.

Hey, you want to know
where the cameras are?

- Nah, I'm good.
- Okay.

You read my new piece?

What are you doing?
You transcribing it yet?

Not till John gives the go-ahead.

- Why? What's the problem?
- Talk to John. Oh, and, Lolly,

I know banging it out on an old typewriter
has a certain mystique,

but do us all a favor
and get yourself a computer.

Buy an Amiga. Live in the now.

Hey. You didn't like my article?

Sit down.

You have got to stop bringing me articles
without getting editorial approval.

Uh, I asked you to write a review
on Kenny Rogers Roasters,

not an exposé on a local business.

But I gave you the roasters
review and an exposé.

This is a real story. Diamond Dry Cleaners

haven't paid for waste pickup
in three years.

So where are all the chemicals going?

I think they're illegally dumping.

Okay, first of all,
that's complete speculation.

Second, we're a free weekly,
not The Washington Post.

So what are you saying?

We're not allowed to report the news?

Or is this a conflict of interest

because you happen to like
the way they press your shirts?

Uh, I'm killing the story.

- Really?!
- Yeah.

Look, I'm sorry you wasted your time.

Maybe follow procedure

and check with me first
when you have a pitch.

And don't go sticking
your nose where it doesn't belong.

What?

Hmm?

What is this?

I can't even see her.

Man, man, what you mean?

She right there, coming out the door.

Maybe she a little blurry.

Quite blurry.

She look like the loch ness monster...

might be Judy King, might be swamp gas.

Y'all, this... is... crap.

Ain't y'all in her cooking class?

Like, why didn't y'all get a picture
of her getting her cook on?

I'm supposed to whip out
my contraband cell phone

in the middle of the cafeteria?

Look, bottom line...

we got to get her alone,
and we have to snap a candid.

Mm. This ain't so much worse
than that picture in US Weekly.

Yes, it is.
And at least that picture told a story.

It was Judy King lending her green thumb
to help the poor inmates.

That's the kind of picture y'all need
to get. And it's "U.S. Weekly."

you talking some white messiah bullshit.

Yeah, because that's the kind
of bullshit that sells, booboo.

Shots of her teaching someone
how to read or some shit.

I'll pretend I don't know how
to read if it make me famous.

It's my camera.

If anyone's gonna be in the shot
with Judy, it's me.

Not me. I know how to read.

Whoa. I got an idea.

How about Abdullah wearing
a vest made of explosives

and Judy King trying to defuse the bombs

while I'm running away?

How about I punch you in the face?

I'm kidding!

Where that famous Muslim sense of humor?

All right, we'll keep brainstorming.

Just make sure she looks friendly...

Like the Judy King
America has grown to love.

What time is it?

It's late.

Just take a picture
that tells a story, okay?

Now. In focus. Work on it.

Ooh-wee! Yes, ma'am!

Taystee all high sidity.

She's gone mad with slight empowerment.

But I do like her new watch.

- That's a nice watch.
- Very cool watch.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

Hey, babe. I was just thinking about you.

I was just thinking
about you, too.

And from thought to action... call Joe.

I almost drove over
to surprise you last night,

but I was too tired
to make the commute.

Next time, tell me.

I'll meet you halfway.
There's a 24-hour diner off route 9...

with a private bathroom.

You're joking, right?

Hey, well...

sure.

You're joking. That's repulsive.

Um, listen, Joe...

I showed your education proposal
to Jack.

Yeah?

And?

He loves it.

That's amazing!

Amazing!

He had a few questions
about the course list,

and he wanted to make
a few minor adjustments

before sending it up the line.

All right, well,
what kind of adjustments?

Well, the courses that you were
suggesting seemed, he felt,

a little too weighted
towards the arts and humanities.

Did you show him the research on that?

Those college-based initiatives
are shown to reduce recidivism.

Yes, I know, and we love that.

But... if we could balance that out
with some more vocational training,

that would make more sense
to the board.

Huh.

Joe, you don't get to be Orson Welles.

We have to meet them halfway.

I'll meet them halfway
if you meet me halfway.

Okay, sweetie, I don't...

enough about the bathroom.

I don't... I don't like it, okay?

So, I will call you later tonight
when we hear back from the board.

In person, I hope.

We'll see how it goes.
You know I love a win.

Surprised you even stopped,
you son of a bitch.

Keep your feet on the curb!

Oh!

Every institution. So what is going on?

Holy shit.

Hey, Chapman.

- Hey.
- Oh, yeah.

I flunked out of prison,
but they gave me a do-over.

- Hey.
- Oh, man.

I mean, I'd give you a real hug,

but I guess it's already been
an orgy of touching.

Isn't that right, officer Dixon?

No more hugs. You're maxed out.

What about, uh, pussy licking?
Is that an option?

Just to get reacquainted? No?

Well, judging by that look,

I guess pussy licking
is also off the table.

It's really good to see you.

You, too, Chapman.

Sorry. This is Brandy, and this is...

- Sankey and...
- Skinhead Helen.

Skinhead Helen. Hi. Nice tattoos.

We're members
of a community task force.

They are a white-power group.

That's not true... not officially.

But we're working on it.

I don't think racism
should be a group activity.

- It's private.
- Agree to disagree.

A lot has happened since you left.

Oh, yeah, I'm getting that.

Ohhh.

Okay. That's enough.

I said break it up.

Red, this guy's serious.

I'll take the shot.

Some things can't be rushed.

Oh.

Hey.

What do you think you're doing?

Oh, no. It's the giant.

If you run away from me,
you will regret it, inmate.

Officers in proximity,
apprehend inmate Whitehill,

approaching "C" yard like an antelope.

And here, is living area.

The TV works, but he likes it like that.

I think his name is Randall.

Does someone come and clean,
at least?

That is tenants' responsibility.

Look, if you don't like it,
you don't have to be here.

Good.

No, Lolly, come on. Wait a minute.

- I... I want to go stay with my mom.
- Your mom moved away, remember?

And she gave up the apartment.
You can't go back there anymore,

or they're gonna call the police.

I'm sorry, babe, but you can't
come back to work, either,

and I don't... I don't know
what else to do with you.

I could stay with you.

I could take care of the baby!

- You think I'm crazy.
- No.

I'm not crazy, Ann-Marie.

I'm not crazy, either, Ann-Marie.

You know what?
I'm gonna go talk to the guy

and see if we can't get you a nicer room.

What was that?

Hmm? What was that look?

- What?
- Is that a signal?

- Signal?
- What does that mean... "a nicer room"?

I'll be right back. Just please sit down.

So...

what'd you do?

What?

What did you do for them to put you here?

They say it's 'cause I'm crazy.

But really...

it's because I'm a reporter

and I discovered a plot
that they would rather keep secret.

The U.S. Government
is poisoning its own population

as a pretext to declare martial law.

And they have been trying to discredit me
ever since I found out the truth.

That's typical.

CIA?

CIA, FBI, UPS, FEMA...

I don't know how deep this thing goes.

The deeper you look, the deeper it gets.

Listen to me... you can't stay here.

You're too much of a target.

And Randall gets violent.

I don't think
I have a choice.

Of course you have a choice.
You have free will.

They can't control your mind.

Well... a... at least
until the fluoride levels

reach two milligrams per liter.

But you're gonna need some help.

So here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna connect you to a friend of mine.

His name is Roy.

He's an ally of the resistance,

and he buys scrap metal
for 50 cents a pound.

You get a shopping cart,

start collecting cans
and other useful bits and pieces.

You can make easy $20, $30 a day.

What, you... you want me
to collect scrap metal?

But I'm a journalist.

Okay, this may be so,
but you cannot stay here.

- This whole place is wired.
- What?

And, like I said, Randall gets violent.

Is that Randall?

No.

I'm Randall.

- You're Randall?
- Yeah.

- Excuse me for a second.
- Sure.

Lolly?

Lolly, where are you going?!
Lolly, stop!

- Hey, Judy.
- Hey.

How was visitation?

Oh, it was fine.

It was nice to see Bill.

Would have been better
if the husband hadn't come.

On the same day?

Reg can't drive, so Bill had to take him.

And it's not awkward?

You know what is awkward?

Is having your past rise up
and bite you in the butt.

Now, Bill has the good sense
to lie to me

and tell me that everything is fine.

Reg has this stupid need
to divulge everything.

What's wrong?

It's not even that big a deal.

Somebody posted some old footage
of me from the '80s on YouTube.

It's causing a little bit of a stink...

internationally.

Like a sex tape?

No, no. That was already out there.

And I look really good.

No, this was a puppet show.

When I first started out,

I had my show on Charlotte Cable Access,

and I thought it would be fun
to do a segment for the kids.

Okay, what's wrong with that?

Exactly. Yes.

I mean, I loved puppets growing up.

My granddaddy
was a performer in vaudeville,

and so I wanted to do something
with that same spirit of fun.

- Well, that sounds harmless.
- Mm.

So I made up a character... Chitlin Joe.

Chitlin Joe?

And Watermelon Sam.

Well, Watermelon Sam
was actually a real watermelon.

Joe was the hero of the show.
He was a lovable old rascal

who was always trying
to steal the pies off my windowsill.

Okay.

I... I have a sense of what the problem is.

I am not prejudiced.

I give substantial donations
to help inner-city programs.

I have countless black people
in my employ,

both at the farm, in my kitchens.

Now, I think it's a crime

the way people take things out of context.

Absolutely.

Um...

I think it would be wise

to continue this discussion
back in our room.

But why? What's happening?

I don't know. I just have a weird feeling.

All right, all right. Hang on.

Mm-hmm.

Oh. I'm sorry.
I thought you was alone.

Oh, Suzanne!

It's better if we get her

when there's no other
white people around, remember?!

You... you don't think that they heard?
They think that I... I'm a...

- No, it was just a puppet show!
- Let's go upstairs.

Oh, lord!

Toma!

What are you doing?

I thought you were studying for your
GED.

I studied enough to get the picture.

What picture?

The picture that
I'm getting out in two weeks

and the processing alone
on that stupid test will be 12.

- There's no point.
- So, what, you're gonna give up?

Or are you gonna go find yourself
a drug dealer to shack up with?

'Cause that worked out so well
the first time.

Watch your mouth.

Cesar put food on that table,
and you had no problem eating it.

Yeah, you know, I'm an idiot
for even feeling disappointed.

Of course you can't get the kids back.

You don't even know how to try.

Try what?

How to pass that wack-ass test?

Passing that stupid test
ain't gonna get the kids back, Daya!

They want to see money!

They tell you to get the GED,
like it's gonna change anything.

How's a GED
gonna make me not a felon?

It shows you're making an effort.

Yeah, and I go from unemployable

to unemployable with a pat on my back.

The GED only exists to make
me feel like it's my fault

when I fail
when the game is fucking rigged.

Don't talk like that, man.
You a mean, ruthless bitch.

You gonna be just fine.

- Yeah, totally.
- For sure.

Only, now you got to be legally ruthless.

- How?
- I don't know.

People do it all the time.

Yeah, maybe school just isn't your thing.

Steve Jobs didn't go to school.

He didn't need to because
he knew all that computer shit.

Or his friend did, and he knew
how to sell his nerd friend.

So think.

What are you good at?

Nothing.

I never learned how to do shit.

Yo, you got any gear?

Nah, brah.

...fucking with me?

Come on! Bring it to ten!
Push it!

Are you a lion or a lamb?!

- Lion!
- Yeah!

Bring it to 12, lady.
That's right!

Chapman.

You're a warrior!

Hey.

Ah.

Your new friends are real keen
on physical fitness, huh?

So that's good.

- Real good people, they seem like.
- It's a temporary situation.

Things are a little bit hot right now.

Oh, yeah.
I heard all about it from Boo.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You messed with Ruiz?

I didn't have a choice.
She was moving in on my territory.

Then don't have territory.

What's that thing Yoga Jones
talks about when people come in?

- You know...
- Mandalas.

Using your time
as a sand maze. That's right.

- A mandala. Okay?
- Mandala.

So don't die for mandalas
of metaphorical sand.

Unless you're that confident

your new friends here
are gonna protect you.

I'm a white lion, like Aslan!

In "The Lion, the Witch,
and the Wardrobe"!

I didn't mean for it to get this bad.

But when you work so hard
to get something going

and then somebody just tries
to snatch it away from you...

what, am I just supposed to let her
get away with that?

- I don't...
- I had people depending on me.

I have people depending on me for money.

I get it, you know?

I'm not exactly the poster child
of excellent life choices myself.

I figured
that she would get in trouble,

but I did not think that
she was gonna get extra time.

That has never happened before.

How could I have known
that was gonna happen?

All right. Okay.
Just calm down, you know?

I mean, just take a breath.

I just want you to know that this...

this isn't what it looks like.

Of course not, but, uh, real talk...

sometimes, what it looks like
is all anybody can see.

Anyway, um, I'll see you
at the party tomorrow.

Um... what party?

Lorna and Red are throwing me
that thing in the common room.

Nobody told you about it?

I'm sure they were going to.

Well, come on!

Hey, there, Judy! How you doing?!

- Hey.
- Uh, I'm Cindy.

I'm in your cooking class.

- Oh. Uh...
- Yeah.

Hey. Uh, what do you want?

Uh... nothing, you know.
Um, I was thinking...

would you mind if I gave you a high five?

Uh, no, but what for?

You know, just for... for being awesome.

- Awesomeness.
- Okay.

Like we're friends.
Come on. Please?

- Just a high five?
- A... all right. Here we go.

Yeah! Aah!

Yeah!

- Now, what's going on?
- Hmm?

- What do you really want?
- Um, nothing.

But, uh, can I get one more high five?

- Oh.
- I need one more high five.

- No, I need to go.
- Come on, Judy.

Just one more high five!

- Oh!
- One more!

- Don't be cheap with the hand!
- Oh!

I ain't got no cooties or nothing!
Come on!

- Just one more!
- No, no, no, no, no!

No!

I've caught her twice
rummaging through the garbage,

and today I found her with
this piece of aluminized hose.

Federal property.

Yeah, I don't believe in property.

Well, that's probably
why you're in prison.

No, I've never been arrested for theft.

Public vagrancy, disturbing the peace,

nudity, solicitation...

Oh, what's that one that you use

when you really want
to arrest somebody

but you have no reason to arrest them?

Ah! Disorderly conduct.

Got my high score
in that one, Sir.

What were you planning
to do with the hose, Lolly?

What hose?

This hose.

I ain't never seen that hose
before in my life.

And you know what?

I'm not gonna talk to either one of you

until I get my lawyer present.

There was a lady like her
on my block growing up.

She had maggots in her ears
after clogging them with cheese,

trying to keep the voices out.

Okay, that's insane.

You cannot block out voices with cheese.

You know, I'll take care of her.

She's actually been doing
a lot better lately.

This is just a bad day, right, Lolly?

Just a bad day.

Kind of like those bad days
that JFK and Kurt Cobain had

when you people assassinated them.

Keep a tighter leash on your pet nut.

Or next time, I'm sending her to psych.

What's going on?

You were doing so well.

It's not like
I'm trying to get in trouble.

People are after me.

What agency is it this time?

Oh, it doesn't matter what agency.
They're all connected.

Just because you don't see it
doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

Right.

It's like those...
Magic-eye posters from the '90s

where at first, you think it's just,
like, colored static,

but if you look, and you focus...

you got to have patience...

then you see a unicorn.

Or you see a dragon.

I've seen a lot of dragons, Mr. Healy.

And people are after you.

Yeah, and they're not
trying to give me hugs.

Where's the evidence?

I don't need no evidence.

My life is my evidence.

Lolly, got any coffee?

Coming.

Lolly?

I'm coming!

I got a quarter.

- I got a quarter.
- Hmm?

I got a quarter.

Look, don't come knocking
on my door when I'm asleep.

You know, maybe I have a gentleman caller.
Y... you don't know.

Oh. Sorry.

I didn't mean to bother you.

No, no, no, no. I'm...

I'm fixing to make coffee right now.

No, I'm sorry
I bothered you. Sorry.

I'm gonna make you some coffee.

- Hairs in the water.
- Hairs in the water.

You can't filter out the poison.

It's all contaminated
with radiation anyway.

It's making you sick.

It's making everyone sick.

- You're sick.
- You're sick.

- You're sick.
- Yeah, yeah, I heard it all before!

♪ Christ ♪

♪ Or credit? ♪

♪ What's the price ♪

♪ What's the edit... ♪

- Hey, Mac.
- Hey, Lolly.

You want a cup of coffee?

Uh, yeah, but I don't have any money.

Oh, that's okay.

You just help me out

if you see me spinning too wide
on my axis, all right?

All right. Deal.

♪ And then the fog rolls in... ♪

Hey, James.

How you doing?

Want a cup of coffee?

♪ Again, and though I try... ♪

- Hi, miss lady.
- Hi.

Ooh!

♪... The tide ♪

♪ Breaking the waves ♪

♪ Again, and though I try ♪

- Lolly! How you doing?
- Hi, guys!

♪...Stem the tide ♪

♪ And though I try ♪

Yo.

Thank you.

♪ Jackknifed ♪

♪ On the side street crossing ♪

♪ I'm still alive ♪

♪ I'll never waste another day... ♪

Hey, Rocky.

Rocky. Where'd you go, man?

I said I would make you coffee.
You just had to wait for it.

That's all.

Rocky, what's the matter with you?

Right on our place?

No.

Mr. Caputo?

Mr. Caputo, it's about Judy King!

Is this about
the ultra-offensive puppet show?

So you know about that?

Don't you think you should be
taking some special precautions?

I'm not her babysitter.

Yes... but aren't you?

What do you want?

She needs special protection.

- Fine.
- Mm.

What else?

"What else"?

Yes.

What else?

What's the matter, Nichols?

You hardly ate your mush
and your other mush.

Ugh.

Man, I don't know. I'm not so hungry.

Maybe I picked up a bug down the hill.

Or maybe you need some exercise.

You should come with me to custodial.

We could take a little walk,
get the blood moving.

No, thanks.

I cleaned up enough shit

swabbing the floors of the SHU
down in the pits of Mordor.

Well, you're back in the Shire now.

Too bad your main hobbit
is off the market.

Hey!

- You mean it's true?
- Mm-hmm.

You're actually married?

What, you thought I was lying?

Yeah.

I mean, obviously. It's you. Jesus.

What am I gonna do for thrills?

Well...

Playboy's "Vulcan of the Month"
is single again.

Not that she's screaming fun these days.

Okay,
so, let me get this straight.

So, you're married, right?

- Uh, Piper's a Nazi.
- Mm-hmm.

Boo has the BMI of a healthy
human being. Congratulations.

I mean, I feel like I'm in an episode
of The Twilight Zone.

just give me something to hold on to.

Tell you what.

Hold on to this and spin.

You know I picked up a parasite
in the lake?

Some tiny internal freeloader
was, like, stealing my food.

Just like Bette Midler!

Can I borrow him?

Why? Tired of sticking your toothbrush
down your throat?

I don't know what she's talking about.

You know what?

I think you should come
to custodial with me.

It's more fun than it sounds.

And actually, Warren and I

have been doing
a little gumshoe detective work.

Happy your girl's back?

You don't realize
there's a piece of you missing

until that piece comes back

and immediately pokes fun at your dye job.

Does this look risen to you?

No. 'cause you keep opening
the oven and letting the heat out.

I like to check on my food.
That's when I put the love in.

There's no love in baking.

It's about following instructions

and resisting the urge to poke.

It's an exercise in trust.

Hm. Trust is not my strong suit.

Hey, Red.

I need you to start sending
meals up to Judy King's room.

Why? She's too good
to eat with the rest of us?

I don't have time to explain.

It's for her own protection.

Now I have to know.

Just send the meals up
and make 'em tasty.

You're getting special use
of the common room tonight.

That's a privilege not given lightly.

Oh, I didn't know you kept tabs
on the day-to-day anymore.

I thought you were
up in some ivory tower.

There's a good view from that tower.

Are you fucking kidding me?

When Burset needed protection,
they sent her to the SHU,

and now Judy King gets special meals?

Where are those eye drops at?

No. It's not worth it.

Not today.

Looking at this sad,
deflated cake hurts my soul.

- I'll get more powdered eggs.
- Thank you.

You remember when we had real eggs?

Remember when you wasted them
doing your magic?

I thought it was a good idea
at the time.

Judging by the wizened, gnarled,
unique quality of the poop,

we know it's not a copycat pooper.

That leaves us with two suspects...

Number one, Warren's ex-girlfriend.

You know... the girl
with the cabbage patch doll face

and the name that sounds like
a Phil Collins song.

- Kukudio?
- Correct.

Now, she has a motive.

But she also has a rock-solid alibi.

She was at work
at the time of the incidents.

Brings us to our second suspect... Angie.

Angie Rice? The meth head?

- Correct.
- Uh-huh.

Witnesses have confirmed her
at the scene of the crime

at least two out of three incidences.

Okay, uh, well, it's her.

Case closed.

I mean, sure, she's a degenerate,

but is that really motive enough
for such a heinous act?

Okay, you don't understand.
The motive is drugs.

She's moving drugs
down the Hershey highway.

Check it out...
So she's probably got some guy

that she's meeting at visitation

and he kisses her all long and passionate,

but then instead of
slipping her the tongue,

he's slipping her a packet, see?

And she has to swallow it

because of
the post-visitation strip search

and double-ended "say ahs."

So she goes
and she poops it in the shower,

where it's easier to pull the goodies

out of the fucking Cracker Jack box,

'cause you don't want your shit
getting lost in the toilet bowl.

A tale as old as time.

Oh, my god.

You just cracked the case.

Just like that.

To understand a degenerate,

you have to enter
the mind of a degenerate.

Fortunately, I have years of experience.

It is so, so good to have you back.

...Of explaining first.

Well, whale watching
is making a comeback.

So... you got the picture?

Come into the circle.

What is this?

You look like you 'bout to kill the bitch.

Yes, but on the positive,

excellent focus, excellent resolution.

Thank you, thank you.

And... and it tells a story.

You really want a picture out there

that looks like you 'bout to
beat down Judy King?

I mean, you're right...
it probably would make my mama cry,

but if it ends up in a magazine,
I'm cool with it.

...Judy King, already
serving time for tax fraud...

Oh, ch... check it out... puppets!

...just can't catch a break.

Footage surfaced on YouTube
earlier this week

of the culinary celeb
performing a puppet show

many are calling racist and offensive.

Dagnabbit!

Chitlin Joe,
you give me back my cherry pie!

Oh, I swear it wasn't me, missus!

Hell no.

It was Watermelon Sam
who took it!

Were you two working together?

No, he took the pie, he ate your pie,

and then I ate him!

Because I loves me
some watermelon! Hoo-eee!

Oh, no! You ate Watermelon Sam?!

- Aw, he don't mind.
- Mnh-mnh.

Facts, I did him a favor.

I spit out his seeds
on Mayor Harrison's yard.

He always did want to live
on the nice part of town.

I don't think I like this puppet show.

You know, I think
my mom would totally be fine

seeing me beat down Judy King.

Okay.

Maybe we are telling the right story.

Whoops. I'm out of juice.

Y'all know anyone around here
with a charger?

...Would affect her chances
of renewal at the end of...

Is it official?

- I don't buy sparkling wine for losers.
- Yes!

Your education initiative
was approved by the board nine to one.

♪ This is how we do what we do ♪

This is incredible!

You are incredible.

You are the one that made it happen.

- Is this it?
- Mm-hmm.

Look, it even has your name on it.

I thought
you'd get a kick out of that.

You are the first person
in the history of this company

who's managed to sell education
as a means of control.

- Glasses?
- I... in the cabinet.

It's not just a means of control.

If you don't invest in education now,

you end up paying for it
in the long run.

Absolutely.

Is this the course catalog?

Mm-hmm.

Where's the... the math and science and...

Oh, um, we switched it out
with basic carpentry and plumbing.

We agreed on more
vocational classes, remember?

But you... you...
you took out every core class.

There's no English. There's no history.

There...

there's not even an arts class. I...

"Concrete 101"?

"Foundation Pouring"?
W... what is that?

None of this is in my original proposal.

Well, I told you that there
would be some adjustments.

It's all construction.

It's a chain gang.

No.

No, it is a school, technically.

We need to emphasize the school part.

Otherwise, we have to pay them
their 11 cents an hour, right?

Joe.

Hey, I... I know this isn't
exactly what you envisioned,

but it's a victory to get
any project off the ground.

You shoot for the moon,
you land somewhere in the stars, right?

Kippis!

That's "cheers" in Finnish.

Isn't that fun to say out of your mouth?

Timo Lindman on the board is Finnish.

This is amazing. Thank you, Red.

I can't take all the credit.

Mendoza helped a little.

I would have made more of a spread,

but they have me up at 3:30
in the morning these days.

Yikes.
Ah, man, you should go to bed.

I don't understand
how you're still upright.

I'm Russian.

And back in Russia, where I come from,

when we see a friend
we haven't seen for a long time,

we make them eat and drink
until they can't move.

You better get ready
to eat a whole cake yourself.

In a bit, all right?

I'm sorry. I'm just not hungry yet.

All right.

Maybe some music, huh?

Gina?

Uh, yeah, I... I need a minute.

I thought you said
you tested that thing.

I... I did. It worked an hour ago.

- Music?
- What about the music?

Heck yeah!

Come on, Gina.
I got my dancing shoes on.

I can help. Look.

I, you know, build
my own custom guitar pedals,

so I love a project like this.

Look, I don't need your help.
I know what I'm doing.

Yeah, but it's not working,

so let me just help you out a little bit.

- Did you plug it in?
- Yes, grandma, I plugged it in.

Will you guys just give me some space?

Just started in electrical, and she thinks
she can make a homemade speaker.

Your harsh Russian accent
is music enough for me.

Aww!

Hey, drones! How's tricks?

Do I know you?

Yesterday in the hallway, with the, uh...

Yeah, of course... you. I...
Yeah.

Welcome back, Nichols.

Come on. Let's take a seat.

This is great.

Getting out, being part of the community.

No. No, I shouldn't be here.
Nobody wants me here.

Will you stop that? That's not true.

Let me get you a piece of cake, okay?

Thanks for reserving the room, Sam.

Welcome my friend Lolly over here.

Oh, I know Lolly.

We garden together.

Welcome, Lolly.

Enjoy some cake with us, huh?

These are not your friends.

These are not your friends.

The whole prison's been compromised.

Come close.

She has an earpiece.
You can see it.

Come on. Look at them.
They're all in it together.

Good beautiful morning, guys.

How you doing? Good?
I bet you're good.

Yep, yep, yep.

Gentrifiers.

Ooh! You got green spaghetti.

What they gonna think of next?

Hey! Sweetie!
You give me a hand for a second?

I don't have any money. Sorry.

I didn't ask you for any money.

Hey, there. How's it going?

You know it's illegal
to panhandle here?

I'm not panhandling.

I sell coffee.

Yeah? Do you have a license for that?

It's not like a serious business, okay?
I live in this neighborhood.

I used to stay over in that
big lot next to Thomas Street...

All right, I've had a complaint,

you're gonna have to move along.

Okay. That's fine,
but I have a broken wheel.

I wouldn't do that
if I were you!

Lolly!

These aren't the real police.

Ma'am, you have to go.

Where would you like me to go?

You can go anywhere you want...
Just not here.

They work for the syndicate,

the syndicate works for Starbucks,

and Starbucks wants you dead.

You get what you deserve.

- No! Shut up!
- Ma'am.

- Shut up! Shut up!
- Lower your voice.

- Shut up!
- Lower your voice.

Watch out!
She's going for a weapon!

Drop it!

- You get off me! Get off me!
- Cycle patrol unit 2 to C.U.

Female suspect down,
Mercer and Fairview.

I'm an innocent woman!

Send female unit
for transport to precinct.

- Suspect is aggressive, resisting arrest.
- I am an American journalist!

Possible intoxication.
Possible psychotic.

They're trying to kill me!

Is this where you got Judy King?

Go ahead.

Now I know.

This is how the other half lives.

Oh! Is that supper? Thank goodness.

I thought y'all had
forgotten about me up here.

Sorry.

I got lost in the woods

on my way
to your magical pleasure dome.

I'm surprised you don't got
your own private chef.

You already got your own
private yoga instructor.

Or is she your food taster?

It's not that wonderful.

We're very isolated up here.

Is that homemade seltzer?

Maybe.

What exactly is going on here?

How come you have your own
special meals being delivered?

That is a long story,

and I would much rather talk
about your gorgeous nails.

May I?

Well, I love those.
Now, who did them for you?

Nobody.

I do 'em myself... always have.

Well, you obviously know
what you are doing.

Those contrast tips are perfect.

Here you go.

- What's this?
- Stamps.

A tip.

I was told they're used as currency.

Can I have some of them cookies, too?

Well, sure. Uh, please... help yourself.

This is all right
with you, isn't it?

I mean, you're not really
into material stuff, right?

Of course not. Go ahead.

How much would you pay
for nails like these?

On the outside?

Oh, a nice job like that?

Uh, $25, $30.

Forty or $50 for gels.

Even more for acrylics.

That's about the price I figured.

I just wanted to double-check.

I'm gonna start my own business
when I get out... a nail business.

A salon?

Yeah.

- A salon.
- Huh.

A nail salon.

Why do we have a seltzer machine?

I told Caputo you needed one.

Didn't you say that?

No, I don't think so.

Funny. I thought you did.

Yo, Chapman, what are you doing
walking alone?

I was heading to the common room.

It's all right.
There'll be lots of people there.

Still, apes swing.

I wanted to talk to you
about maybe expanding our turf.

- Our turf?
- Yeah.

I mean, it's not fair the Dominicans
get the shaded area in the yard.

We're the ones low on melanin.

I thought the whole point
of our thing was to break up gangs.

If we're talking about turf, we're a gang,

you're a gang, we're all gangbangers.

Whatever.

I mean, the task force was a good start,
but it's time to up our game.

You got to do what you got to do
to survive in this motherfucker.

You might be right.

But I also need to survive with myself
when I get out of here.

What does that mean?

Do you ever think
that by demonizing large groups of people,

we're actually making
this place more dangerous?

- We're sisters.
- Mm.

We have to look out for each other.

This place is dangerous.

I'll see you later.

Disrespect.

She doesn't know what she's saying.
It's the white shame again.

Wish she could learn to love herself.

I don't know.
Must be a loose wire or something.

I don't need gloves. It's totally safe.

That was a fluke, Norma.
Look, I... I can't live my life in fear.

Don't impose it on me.

Oh, no. What are they doing here?

It's the common room.

They can't keep out the commoners.

Well, you don't have to give them cake.

Dirty shower pooper.

Nicky. I heard you worked
cleaning cells in max.

Any chance you saw Sophia?

- Yeah. I saw her.
- Yeah? And?

And I don't know what to say, all right?

There was a shitload of blood.

They had to take her to medical.

Oh, my god.

Look, sometimes,
people feel like fighting,

so they punch the walls.

That would be the best-case
scenario, based on what I saw.

She might have cut herself.

Okay, come on. Come dance with me.

Just give me one second, all right?
I'll be right back.

♪ I'm in love with my life... ♪

"Best-case"?

Crystal has to know what's happening.

Hey.

♪ You know it ♪

♪ Let me show it... ♪

Whitehill.

Lolly.

Lolly.

♪ You know it... ♪

Did you see that?

Lolly's acting really weird.

The weirder she acts,
the less anyone takes her seriously.

I'm with my family tonight.

All right.

Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Exactly.

♪ Feeling good
ain't going out of style ♪

♪ All right, all right... ♪

Yeah. But that's life, right?

Oh, wow. This is great.

Does Piscatella know about this?

Why? You gonna rat us all out?

No.

Here you go, my dear.

Grape Kool-Aid.

Ha ha. Is there any alcohol in that?

Would you like a taste test,

or will the task force be by later
to take a urine sample?

I'm not the enemy, Boo.

I'm your friend.

Oh, labor and capital
can never really be friends.

More like fuck buddies.

Let's go.

♪ We don't need rhyme or reason ♪

♪ It's a lovely chemistry ♪

♪ I'm in love with my
I'm in love with my life... ♪

- Hey. Vause.
- Hi. Um...

Sorry. I'm leaving.

- That's cool. I'll just party by myself.
- Yeah.

♪ We don't need rhyme or reason ♪

♪ It's a lovely chemistry ♪

♪ I'm in love with my life ♪

Lolly.

I know you're down here.

I saw you come down.

I'm over here.

In the time machine.

Well, it's a work in progress.

I'm still experimenting
with the power source.

So, this is why you've been
collecting materials.

So you see now why I kept it
secret from you, right?

I didn't want you implicated.

'Cause then
you would be a target, too.

I mean, unless you still don't
think that I'm important enough

to be a target
of an international conspiracy.

Move over.

Okay.

Let's assume for a second

that there is a conspiracy
against you.

Why go back in time?

Because if I can go back in time,

I can stop Jimmy Carter
from starting FEMA.

Lolly...

everyone wants to go
back in time sometimes...

to go back to the moment

when everything was still possible...

Before they made a wrong turn
so that they could go on the right path.

But it's not possible.

All we can do
is make the most of right now.

Okay, I tried that.

But... but... but... but...
but traveling back in time

just seemed more, you know, feasible.

I don't have no moment
when everything went wrong.

Unless it was that moment
I was born with that sickness in me.

You're probably right.

This is probably desperate.

Man, this sounded better
when we talked about it earlier.

When we talked about it?

- Okay, me and the...
- Oh, oh.

Hey, I know they're not real,

but it don't mean that
they don't have nothing to say.

Sometimes, that shit is scary.

Especially when that little girl
starts whispering.

Okay, but sometimes...

you know, they make
these convincing arguments.

So if they think that it's plausible

that we could go back in time
and save America,

then I got to honor that.

Plus, I read this romance novel,
and it was about time travel,

and I really dug the science of that.

Plus, I got that potato.

Mr. Healy?

Hmm?

- You traveling in time?
- No.

No, I was just, uh...

I spent a lot of time in boxes as a kid.

They were forts, really.

F... forts.

You can stay down here
as long as you want.

Maybe a few more minutes.

Then we'll go.

Okay.

Okay.

What I don't understand is,

I step up to the plate for everybody.

It's not like I want credit.

But I take care of business.

And suddenly, everybody's acting
like I'm some kind of a monster.

I'm sorry. I really need
to focus on deejaying.

Aren't you just playing
a playlist off your iPod?

How do you even have an iPod?

Hey, Chapman.

Hey.

Where are your new friends?

It's not really working out.

- You're not scared of Maria?
- No, I'm scared,

but I'm pretending
that this Kool-Aid has alcohol in it,

and that kind of helps.

I owe you an apology.

I have not been cool to you
since you got here.

No. You haven't.

I'm wondering...

may I please have a do-over?

I don't know.

I... I've been thinking about it,

but the thing is...

I'm sorry. Can we talk outside?
It's a little loud.

Sure.

- Yeah.
- Sure.

The thing is, Chapman...

I was turned off by you
the moment I met you.

But I was alone and scared,
so I made an alliance with you, and...

I mean,
you didn't even respect that alliance.

I know.

And I have no excuse.

Except that I was scared, too.

Yeah.

But I get it now.
And, actually, you were right.

I was right about what?

Right about being pragmatic.

You got to do what you got to do.

I'm sorry I can't help you.

But I'm rooting for you, too.

Aah!

Shh.

Shhhhhh!

♪... The corner watching you kiss her ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪I'm right over here ♪

♪ Why can't you see me? ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

See, when you're in a gang,
you get this label put on you.

And thanks to what you pulled,
I've been marked by admin

as this big, bad gang girl.

You see, so I'm done!

But I've been thinking.

You're gangster, too, Chapman.

Oh, you're hella gangster, right?

So where's your label? Huh?

♪ Stilettos on broken... ♪

♪ I'm giving it my all ♪

Hold tight. Don't let her move.

If you move, it'll get messed up.

Make sure it isn't backwards,
or it's like a whole different thing.

♪ Yes ♪

♪ Third part you know you cook real slow ♪

♪ Your bottom is heavy
and your cover is wet ♪

♪ Would you baby
light my darling cigarette ♪

♪ One ♪

♪ Should I say cook me
if I want to be real? ♪

♪ Should I say cook me
if I want to be real? ♪

♪ Or should I say cook me
if I want to be cooked ♪

♪ Should I say cook
cook cook cook ♪

♪ Cook cook cook
cook cook cook me ♪

♪ Cook me cook me
cook me cook me ♪

♪ Whack me whack me whack me
whack me whack me ♪

♪ Hit me hit me hit me
hit me hit me ♪

♪ Cook me cook me
cook till I'm well done ♪

♪ Till I'm well done ♪

♪ They'll sing my time has come ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ C-c-c-cook me ♪

♪ C-c-c-c-cook me ♪