Orange Is the New Black (2013–…): Season 4, Episode 8 - Friends in Low Places - full transcript

A new work detail doesn't go over well with the inmates. Judy seeks help from Poussey. Maria finds a place she can conduct business.

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♪ The animals the animals ♪

♪ Trapped trapped trapped
till the cage is full ♪

♪ The cage is full the day is new ♪

♪ And everyone is waiting
waiting on you ♪

♪ And you've got time ♪

♪ Think of all the roads ♪

♪ Think of all their crossings ♪

♪ Taking steps is easy ♪

♪ Standing still is hard ♪

♪ Remember all their faces ♪

♪ Remember all their voices ♪



♪ Everything is different ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ And you've got time ♪

♪ And you've got time ♪

What are you looking for?

My mirror. Where is my mirror?

It's not there?

Not unless it suddenly turned invisible.

I have been robbed.

Where is my mirror?

What?

The magnifying mirror!
The one from my desk.

The one I've seen you use
for your eyebrows.

I don't know.



No one sleeps when my things go missing!

I'm not sleeping. I can't sleep.

Wake up.

My mirror is missing.

We have to live together.

It would be pretty dumb to steal from you.

Like you're all geniuses.

Wake up, motorboat.

Please. I didn't go to sleep
until you left for the shower.

I swear. I kept myself up.

Where is my mirror?

On the desk?

She wouldn't steal from you.

She's terrified of you.

Why would I want to look at myself
in the mirror?

Hey, Reznikov.

It's time to make the donuts.

I'm not ready, and my mirror is missing.

I don't give a tiger's testicle.

Look, the faster I deliver you,
the faster I can get back

to my mindfulness practice, so let's go.

Do you think your time
is more valuable than mine?

Fine, fine.

I'll put my face on in the kitchen, huh?

Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!
Jesus.

Wait.

Where's my lip pencil?

Where the hell is my lip pencil?

Now, Reznikov.

Fucking thieves.

I will find you!

Shut the fuck up!

Oh, shoot. She left the light on.

Thank you.

You okay?

Not even a little bit.

I'm not even looking. I don't care.

You're not even that hot.

Wait, maybe you are.

You know,
this is starting to feel like overkill.

You think so? More like looks could kill.

Check out the stink-eye in this place.

You know, maybe that's 'cause
there's a boy in the girls' room.

No, these... these ladies
don't seem too bothered by me.

The bathroom is where

you're the most vulnerable.

I mean, haven't you ever seen Psycho
or read an actuarial table?

Yoga Jones ordered this protection.

Frankly, I think it was an overreaction.

♪ I've been stealin' dem
other ladies' pies ♪

♪ And ooh that was a bust ♪

♪ 'Cause them other ladies
been fakin' when they bakin' ♪

♪ Using that store-bought crust ♪

♪ But Judy's pies is oh so tasty ♪

♪ And I never get my fill ♪

- ♪ So blame on it the pies ♪
- On the other hand.

♪ If you see me climbin' on your
windowsill... ♪

I'll be right outside.

Oh, hey. You got the new O?

I was reading a good article.

Oh, you know, I think McCullogh
walked off with that.

Oh. Here.

You want Women's Health?

- Thank you.
- Enjoy.

Now, I believe those are my eggs.

I only took one bite. It was getting cold.

You know, this is getting ridiculous.

I can't spend the rest of my time

with some ding-dong like that
following me around.

Isolation perpetuates the rumors.

That you hate black people?

Look, it was the '80s, all right?

Everybody was a moron in the '80s.

I just want to be able to walk around here
without everybody looking at me

like I'm some kind of terrified bigot.

Out there is overrated.

Why don't we have a TV brought in?

Oh, no.

You know, I wouldn't want to risk
sullying your karma...

your chi or whatever
with such a base object.

Idiot box... I believe that's what
you called it last week.

Did I? I don't remember.

Mm-hmm.

And I think you called me
the idiot on the idiot box, right?

Well, it's starting to look like
it's true.

Now there... there's got to be some way
to clear the air,

make reparations.

Forty acres and some eggs.

Why don't you tell them again

how many black friends you have
in your kitchen and your field?

Okay. You shut up,
you P.C. hippie hypocrite.

I would wager that your last address

before you came here
wasn't exactly in the inner city.

At least I didn't talk to puppets
that use the word "jigaboo."

Mm.

No more eggs for you.

An inmate
from Litchfield Federal Prison

is attempting to contact you.

Cal!

- Piper!
- Cal.

Cal, you have no idea how badly
I've wanted... to hear your voice.

Well, would you rather hear my voice

or a pre-war Gibson banjo
that Earl Scruggs played at the Opry?

- Your voice for sure.
- You're right, you're right.

I haven't earned it yet.
I need to practice more.

So, you got Neri's message, didn't you?

What? What message?

Neri sent you a psychic message
to call us.

I... I was skeptical at first,
but I mean, here you are.

Cal, I've missed you so much.

There's really nobody in here
for me to talk to right now.

We are pregnant!

You got pregnant in the basement?

I mean, we think
that it might have actually happened

in the laundry room
or maybe in the dining room.

Um, we're not sure.

Mom has this standing hair appointment
Tuesdays from 11:00 to 1:00,

and yet her hair has never changed.
It's a mystery.

I mean, we're not technically
supposed to tell anyone yet

because it's only eight weeks,
but I don't care. Fuck it.

Holy shit.

Wow.

Congratulations.

That's wonderful.

It is pretty cool.

I'm already bonding with the baby.

I talk to him and I sing to him,
in English and in Korean.

Did I tell you that we're all learning
Korean?

Oh, we've got a whole new business, Pipes.

We ship used clothes over to Korea...
vintage.

Podo suhwag.

I mean, we're killing it.
They can't get enough.

Neri sweeps through Goodwill,
Sally Army, Saint V's,

and then she ships it over to our friend
Helen Hong in Seoul.

I mean, ever since the panties dried up,
we were... we were in real trouble,

but babies bring luck and inspiration.

Yeong-gam.

What do you think
of the name Clarence, huh?

Clarence Chapman?

Do you know it's a boy?

I don't. Not yet.

But I am willing it to be a boy
because women are terrifying.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.

Neri is pretty psyched,
and I am here to buy him his first banjo.

You can never start too early.

Music education sucks in schools now,
which is like a total travesty.

- Cal.
- No, I know.

I know. I know. If it is a girl,

and it could be, she will play the fiddle.

So maybe... maybe I shouldn't pull
the trigger yet on a banjo.

You're gonna be an amazing dad.

I'm totally fucking scared
that I'm gonna fuck it all up.

I mean, you know where we came from.

You are so much warmer,
you are so much lovelier,

and you are so much awesomer.

Plus you married the anti-mom.
There's no way.

Stop it.

Wow. That is so nice of you to say.

I'm really glad you called, Pipes.

I just wanted to check in
and, um, hear your voice.

All Whispers employees
report to the yard.

Whispers employees to the yard.

Cal... I... I... I got to go.

I love you, Daddy.

Okay, yeah, love you.

Bye, Auntie Piper!

Okay, bye!

Bye.

Looks like you got light bugs.

Might be an infestation.

Oh, gee.

I don't know what to do about that.

You got any advice for me, Ms. Nichols?

Darkness, Ms. Morello.

You fight the light with darkness.

Care to visit me on the dark side?

Well, actually, it's Mrs. Muccio now.

Didn't even spring for the hyphenate, huh?

We're very traditional.

Looks like you might need to do
a little bit of cleaning up in here.

Yeah, yeah. I'll get to that one later.

That's our stall.

I'm aware.

I'm married now.

I took vows.

You know, it's, uh... it's not cheating
if you're in different zip codes, right?

And, uh, there's no dick,
so that's a freebie.

It's cheating if I even think
about somebody else.

Lusting in the heart and all that?

Just like Jimmy Carter says.

You really telling me
you didn't miss me at all?

You didn't think about me?

'Cause I sure missed you.

Of course I missed you.

But that's because
I was worried about you.

Look.

Look, there's a little chip in the tile
from when you cut your arm.

Aw, remember you didn't notice until after
your third orgasm?

Okay, no. No, you are not helping me.

You're making me think about things

I should not be thinking about,
and it's not right, Nicky.

Where'd you go?

No, stay there.
Don't. Leave me alone.

Baby. I'm here.

I can touch you.

You need to be touched.

He can't give that to you.

Uh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
Okay, no.

Vinny and I... we have a future.

Sure.

Or you have no future.

'Cause you're virtual strangers
living in a fantasy world,

and it's gonna shatter
into a million pieces

when the mundane realities
of day-to-day life

intrude on your maiden-in-a-tower,

prince-down-below, fairy tale bullshit...

'Cause it's retarded.

Plus, he's probably been bangin'

the single mom next door
the whole time anyway

because who can live on fantasy
and promises for that long?

I mean, people get lonely.

Or not, okay?

Maybe it's the real thing.

I've never met the guy.

For all I know,
maybe it's true love, right?

Are you sure he wouldn't get off
on hearing about you with another chick?

- Owens!
- Here.

- Piendak.
- Here.

- Sankey.
- Here.

Watson.

Let me hear a verbal confirmation, inmate.

- Here.
- A little bit louder now.

- Here!
- Ow!

- What?
- Nothing.

Sorry, my ear was too close
to your mouth. My bad.

Now, ladies, due to the breach in security
at the Whispers factory,

it has been decided
that all employees of Whispers

will be replaced
with more trustworthy inmates.

Hey, you mean we ain't got jobs no more?

Means you ain't got that job no more.

But lucky for you,
a new opportunity has knocked.

Welcome to Construction 101.

So, wait, is this a job
or is this a class?

This is vocational training.

Uh, paid vocational training?

We was making a dollar an hour
at Whispers.

If you are able to master these skills

and get a job once you're released,

the paycheck could be in your future.

But to be clear as crystal, no money...
for whatever this is.

This is a class.

Hope it was worth it.

Mm-hmm.

You gonna fill my commissary now?

Hey, back the fuck off.

Hey! Hey!

Eyes up front.

I will now introduce you

to your construction foreman instructor,
Mr. McDonald.

- Ooh!
- He will walk you through safety training

so we can have an efficient
and incident-free

work learning environment.

Oh, baby. I'd let him jackhammer me.

I think I'm gonna need a lot
of instruction.

Please let him be straight.

Wrangler jeans. He's straight.

Yeah, right. You can keep me safe,
Mr. Mackadocious.

Quiet down, inmates.

Mr. Piscatella?

I have a heart condition,

and I don't know if this whole,
you know, manual labor

and heat thing is gonna work for me.

I think I got a bad heart, too.

Yeah, me too.

Come up here and we'll find
you an appropriate position...

Demarco.

I know what position I'd like.

That's enough, ma'am.

Ladies, safety is number one
on the job site,

and safety comes with confidence
and comfort using tools and equipment.

Confidence and comfort
come from practice and common sense.

Now, I will be your guide and supervisor
as we erect a structure.

He said "erect."

What exactly is this structure?

From the plans I've been given,
it's a giant cube with a roof.

Now, anyone here have any carpentry
or construction experience?

Show of hands.

- I need an apprentice.
- Oh!

I love your enthusiasm, ladies.

Let's wait to choose
an apprentice till we see who earns it.

Inmates, give us a minute
while we figure out your work assignments.

If we gonna make anything off of this,

we got to get that paparazzi pizza dough.

We got to get the phone charged.

Juice up the box!

Juice up the box?

Like a juice box?

Only the juice is electricity
and the box is the ph...

You called money "paparazzi pizza dough."

- Okay, fine.
- I'll give you half a point for effort.

Hell, no, you ain't.
This ain't no participation trophy.

Look, that's what wrong with this country.

You either score or you miss.

God damn it!

We lost the hydraulics!

- Try downshifting.
- I tried that already!

- Can you fix it?
- I'm not a mechanic.

McDonald.

Let's put our new trainees
to work while we wait on the fix.

Everyone, grab a shovel
and let's get started.

Shouldn't we finish going through
safety training before we get started?

You did. Practice and common sense.

Stay safe.

Let's get to work.

Let's go! Hard hats first, please.

How is this educational?

Lesson one... don't do crime
because prison is unpleasant.

Start digging, ladies.

Grab a hard hat and a shovel!

Oops!

Silly me.

I'm so clumsy.

Got 'em!

Let's do this.

What?

Don't hold out on me.

I'm not holding nothing.

But you promised to show me how
to do eye makeup like you do.

Oh! That.

Right. Yeah, right!

Okay, but I've been thinking, though.

You got to bring your own pencil
'cause if you use mine,

you could get, like, pinkeye or something.

Do you have pinkeye?

I don't think so.

But I don't know.

And you got to be
really careful around here.

Okay, so listen, you go to the drugstore.

You get yourself a really good
black eyeliner pencil,

- and then I'll show you everything.
- Right.

And it doesn't even have to be
expensive neither.

Maybe pick up a mascara, too...
the pink one.

And then we'll do a whole lesson, okay?

Yeah, okay.

Okay. Great. I got to go.

I'm gonna think about ways
on how to make your eyes really pop

and make you really cute.

Mmm, mmm.

Man.

You know,
I don't know what your secret is, specs,

but you are looking even hotter
than I remember.

Suck it, Nichols.

Come on. You're single, I'm single.
The birds are singing. The grass is soft.

The grass is covered
in off-brand weed killer.

Pretty please, okay?

I just spent 94 days in max
in an eight-bed cell

with, among others, two random shriekers

and a woman who put her baby
through a dryer cycle.

Oh, that is sexy.

Oh! Oh, that's nothing.

I learned to shit in front of an audience.

You know, of course, what you're flushing

is mainly just whatever's left
of your humanity, so...

Yeah, well, it's not like it's been
a fun fest over here.

Fuck you, Vause.
This place is like a camp.

W... what happened?

Commissary run out of chocolate chips?

It's been a shitty couple of months,
Nicky.

You're not the only one
that has rough times.

Okay, new plan.

You and me go on a magic carpet ride
to happy town.

Jesus, you have a one-track mind.

For your information,
I have a two-track mind.

Alright? Come join me on track deux.

Look. You can even keep your clothes on.

Oh, of course, you know,

if you don't need a vacation
from your reality,

then, uh, hey, by all means, decline.

Hey. Smells good.

You leave that stuff in the place?

I need to talk to you about that.

Why? Something went wrong?

No, no, no, no. No, it was fine.
I mean, sorry. I left it. It's all fine.

Ooh, you got the shrimp flavor.

That's a good one.

I haven't been eating so good lately
'cause I'm so nervous all the time.

Have you tried meditating?

Maria, I need to stop.

I almost got caught today.

I think the key word there is "almost."

Almost don't count.

So you're gonna calm yourself

and you're gonna keep doing
what you're doing.

And if I don't want to?

Ain't about want.

Keep it going!

Hey, Boo. Are you thirsty?

Oh, fuck, yeah.

What is this,
some kind of lesbian superpower

that you can fix machines like this,
like a man?

- Are you kidding?
- Wow.

Oh!

- I got no fucking clue what I'm doing.
- You don't?

I figure if I loosen
and tighten the bolt repeatedly,

it eats up the whole fucking day
and keeps me out of the trenches.

That's pretty smart.

Now, scram, girl. You're blowing my cover.

Oh, no, no, no. It's totally cool.

They assigned me to learn from you,

just in case if anything breaks,
somebody else here knows how to fix it.

'Cause like, what if you get let out
or you're busy?

How do you like them apples?

All About Eve, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

'Cause Adam... Adam told her
not to eat that apple.

Then she ate it. She became wise.

Just like me.

Yeah. Tell you what.

Come on under here.
I'll show you what we're doing.

Keep working, inmate.

Oh, Jesus. You cutting yourself now?

I thought I was the emo one.

- What?
- You're bleeding.

Fuck.

I used to cut myself,
but in like, cool designs.

She should cut herself.

We're all out of work because of her.

If you can't dig
and talk at the same time,

then you dig and shut up.

Shovels in the dirt now.

And don't touch them for half an hour.

I'm not doing free fixing
'cause you're a moron

and felt like seeing if they were dry.

Okay. I said it was a mistake.

Some lint got stuck to it.

Got time for a walk-in?

Don't expect a family discount.

You been chewing on these again?

- Some of us got a lot on our mind.
- You don't think I got a lot on my mind?

I got to figure out a place
to set up the salon out there.

I got to hire girls to help me.

Maybe a receptionist with great nails

so that everyone could see the work
right when they walk in.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm talking about my future.

You got to get your cosmetology license.

You got to rent a place,

fill it with chairs and foot buckets

and get the machine
that kills the germs on the tools.

Where you gonna get money for all of that?

You're lucky if you could afford
a few bottles of polish.

Got a lot on your mind.

You got some nerve.

You got make-believe on your mind.

You know, maybe you can...

start in someone else's place,

learn the business,
and take over that shit.

You'll run it in no time.

You're like that bug
that takes over the other bug

and controls it and everything.

And you're really good
at figuring out business stuff,

so...

What color you want?

Oh, C.O. Bayley. I asked you politely
to please wait outside.

- Ms. Washington is a friend.
- Right, but I'm your shadow.

"Who knows what evil lurks
in the hearts of men?

The Shadow knows."

Been listening to a retro radio podcast.

Podca... no? Okay.

All right. I'll, uh, I'll wait outside.

Ooh.

The Wise Man's Fear?

I loved The Name of the Wind.
Can I... borrow that?

Knock yourself out.

What's going on with that?

I... I've been assigned protection,
and it's driving me bananas.

Now, I know your friends
are frustrated with me,

but surely we can find some way
to work that out.

Wait. Wait.

You think the black girls
are gonna jump you?

Well, the crazy one has been taunting me

with songs from the show,
and the big one with the puffy hair?

She cornered me in the hallway
with the gal with the head wrap.

I didn't make that up.

It's not like you wouldn't deserve it
after that Chitlin' mess.

- They were puppets.
- Puppets that reinforce stereotypes

that black people
are dumb and superstitious.

They steal and they love
being indentured servants.

And don't get me started
on the cannibalism.

I got to tell you, it's disappointing.

Look, I sincerely regret it,
but they did promote fresh food.

I mean, there was a message.

All right. Listen.
I'm gonna tell you the truth.

I did a lot of blow
back in the early '80s,

and it kept me thin and awake,

but it didn't do much
for my cultural sensitivity

or my bank account
or my gynecological health.

Now, the chips fell,

I eventually moved on, and here I am.

But it can get lonely, you know?

I'm trying to put a brave face on it,

but to tell you the truth,
I could use some friends

other than a skinny hippie
always in crisis.

You know, it's hard enough being in here
without feeling everybody hates me.

Did it ever occur to you
that it's racist to assume

that black people are gonna beat you up
for being racist?

And you have a good point there.

Right. All right, look. I'm trying.

I mean, maybe I am a racist.

Maybe I'm just too stupid to know it,
but shit.

I am the friendliest racist
that you are ever gonna meet,

so can't we all just get along?

All right.

All right, I'll talk to them,
see what's up.

Great, thank you. Thank you.
I really appreciate it.

You are one of the good ones.

No, I meant that as in people in general.

Just... shh!

She saw me.

Nicky?

Nicky.

What are you doing?

Hey, bummer Chapman.
Get the fuck down or fuck the fuck off.

Bum, bum-bum-bum, bummer.

My tongue feels delightful.

Hey!

Ow!

Oh, shit.

You know, from this angle,

your nose hairs are pretty prominent.

- Oh, my God.
- Look at that.

She used to trim them.

You are really letting yourself go,
Chapman.

Are you two crazy?
What the fuck are you doing?

It's a weekly meeting, okay,

for the morally morose
and successfully challenged.

- So we're just going back and forth
- Yeah.

And uh, talking about all
the truly dreadful, horrible shit

that we have slog through
on a daily basis, you know.

- And we're smoking crack.
- Oh, yeah, that, too.

Are you two fucking serious?

While not my first choice,

crack in small amounts
is actually good for you.

It's gotten a bad rap over the years.

- I don't even know why.
- Yeah, yeah.

Drug beggars can't be drug choosers,
you know?

Perfect.

So you guys are cracked out of your minds.

Mm.

Whoa.

And you can be, too. Here.

Full disclosure,
that crack's been up someone's ass.

- Probably Angie's.
- Oh, definitely Angie's.

Yeah. I traded her lipstick for it.

Eh, don't worry, Piper.
It's sterilized by the flame.

Fuck it.

Whoa.

Seriously?

Why would you offer it to me

if you weren't actually gonna share it
with me?

No, I'm... I'm just surprised.

Well, don't be.

Hand it over.

Okay, so what do I do?

Breathe in...

real deep.

Real deep. Hold it.

Wow...

- Wow.
- Take it easy.

Take it easy? Fuck that.
I was branded, okay?

Man, I did not see that coming.

Holy shit.

You're a Nazi now?

Not a Nazi.
I think I'm a Nazi sympathizer.

I think that was the message.
I brought this on myself.

This is what I've become.
This is what I've become.

This is what I've fucking become,
you guys.

How do I come back from this?
I sent Stella down the hill.

- Why did I have to do that?
- She stole your money.

I was acquainted with her in max.

My parents didn't teach me
to be like this.

What I did to Maria?

I didn't feel bad.

I didn't think twice.

I just... went too far.

I always go too far.

I always go too fucking far.

And I can't fucking stop it.

You're not the worst person
in here, Piper.

I think that I was trying to win prison.

And I've destroyed people's lives.

Give me that shit again.

Yeah.

I killed someone.

- Fuck, man.
- Hmm.

What? By accident?

No.

No, I killed him.

On purpose.

Fuck, man.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

What? How? That's impossible.
You couldn't do that. I know you.

Last month.

Kubra sent someone in here to kill me,
like I said he would.

In here?!

Fuckin' A.

How?

Alex, what did you do with the body?

You're sitting on him.

Parts of him. I mean, he's all over.

Oh, Alex

Stop.

Look, just because I sit
behind a desk all day

does not mean your job
is harder than mine.

As a matter of fact, it does.

You dig a hole for four hours
and tell us if your job is harder.

Do you know how complicated phones
have gotten since we been inside?

As complicated as finding chargers
for them?

I'm trying!
Caputo's got a different brand going on.

There go my girl, P.

Please tell these bitches

that my job is just as hard
as digging a ditch.

- It's not.
- Oh!

Look. Why y'all
trying to beat up Judy King

'Cause she racist.

Why would we beat up an old white lady?

One pop and she down.

And it would ruin the photo.

Ain't nobody trying to beat down
Judy King.

- Who told you that?
- She did.

She told me y'all chased her
down a hallway

and Crazy Eyes was singing
like a murder doll.

Wait, what photo? What are you...

We're trying to get a picture.

A picture of what?

Of Judy King.

That's it?

- Just a picture?
- Just a picture.

Chapman?

Wow, you look even worse
than this morning.

Are you sure you don't want to go
to medical?

No. This crash... it's bad.

I'm just processing
a lot of stuff, you know?

Ooh, did you have diarrhea?
You need to stay hydrated.

I want to say
you're all doing a great job.

- Keep it up.
- Bet you don't have that problem.

Right.

You hear there's a time machine
in laundry.

Oh, yeah, and there's a fountain of youth
in the ghetto toilet.

Yeah, blue helmets.

Any y'all want water?

You know, if that shit was true,
I'd go back and see my dead mom,

tell her not to date the guy
that killed her.

I'd go back
and not end up in this fucking place.

Y'all ever think about like,
going back and killing Hitler?

Maybe I'd go back, raise Hitler right,
you know,

give him lots of love
and encourage his artistic side,

try to be a good mom figure to him.

Maybe he'd have less anger issues.

I'd go back and tell him
to seize to Suez Canal early on.

That would secure
most of the Mediterranean,

giving the Third Reich easy access to oil.

Where would you go, back in time?

- Me?
- Yeah.

Uhh, well, summer of '99,

I was supposed to see Judas Priest
at Ralph Wilson Stadium,

but my friend, Champ Silvers,
he challenged me to drink a dirty 30-pack

in the parking lot, of Coors Light,
and I puked everywhere.

I never even got in to see
Rob Halford on stage.

- Regrets, you know?
- Yeah.

I'm telling you, Lorna,

if I would have known
Jack was gonna try something,

I would have locked the door.

Kid's got unusual sleep patterns.

I look up, the door's open,
and there's Tommy.

And his eyes are going, "What?"

And he makes a noise. "Oh."

Oh, my goodness.

And you and Jack... you just kept going?

Yeah. Basically.

I said "Tommy, go back to your room.
Your mommy and daddy are making love."

Well, I guess at that age,
he doesn't know what that means.

I hardly know what it means at my age.

Jack and I are like ships in the night.

That's why I didn't stop
when I saw the kid there.

Yeah, well, Vinny and I
just had the honeymoon, so...

You know what Tommy said last week?

He says, "I'm never getting married."

I said, "Well, never's a long time."

He says, "I don't want some girl
spending all my money."

He don't get that mouth from me.

Franny, I... I think Vinny's
cheating on me.

Oh, Lorn. You don't know that.

From what you told me,
he don't sound like the type.

He hasn't visited in weeks.

We barely even talk on the phone.

Honey, you're letting your mind
run away with you.

I'm sure it's nothing. You got to trust.

- I got to know
- Then you got to ask.

But what if I don't believe him?
I can't live with that.

That's marriage.

You think I don't wonder where Jack's been

when he comes home after 11:00
and says he's been bowling?

You get to see Jack every day.

Honey, will just go visit him for me?

What, like at his house?

Mm-hmm.

What good will that do? Lorna!

This is the kind of garbage
that got you in here.

No. No.

He is family.

And I don't mean like that.

I... I mean... I mean,
just get to know him a little.

- He's your brother, for Christ's sake.
- Oh.

Please! I'm begging you.

You know I would do this for you.
I would do this for you.

I just can't live thinking that he's using
some other housewife's oven mitt.

All right.

I'll go to his house.

Thank you so much. I love you, my sister.

I love you.

You got an appointment?

Uh, walk-in.

Is that okay?

That depends.

Take a seat.

That's a lot of hair.

Are we really playing
Barbie styling head here?

I mean, you know,
I got places to be, so...

Updo it is.

Oh, yeah. That's nice.
You really know what you're doing, huh?

Fabulous.

Yeah.

I'm like a real Audrey Hepburn, huh?

Thank you.

Can you do that somewhere else?

You can paint nails anywhere.

Of course.

I finally find a job I'm good at,

and it turns out be a drug front.

I got two days left in this shithole.

I can't screw it up.

Then don't screw it up.

How's everything looking here?

Oh, you meant this?

- She's totally fucking dead.
- Oh, yeah?

I mean, you can't get her to start at all.

You want to give it a shot?

- Yeah.
- All right.

- Whoa.
- Here you go, man. Got it.

Well, first off, you needed to have it
in neutral to restart it.

- Uh-huh.
- It looks like it just overheated.

- I see.
- Yeah. Should work fine now.

So if it conks out, let it cool,
put it in neutral, restart it.

Easy fix.

Huh.

Listen, um, if anyone should ask,

could you make it sound way more
complicated than that?

Oh, man. I'm gonna be
so fucking sore tomorrow.

I got to start exercising.

Did you see how fast that thing
took dirt out of the hole?

- I know.
- Like, whoosh.

Man, I feel like an autoworker in Detroit

- after the robots came.
- Like, "Oh, shit.

I'm an autoworker and I'm out of a job",

or like, "Yay, the robots are here

to do this shitty,
horrible autoworker work, thank God"?

Hmm.

Uh, why is she running at me like that?

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

What the fuck was that for?

- That was dope!
- Did you get it? Let me see.

Damn, she tastes like strawberries.

Oh, yeah, come on. All right.

The second one is a winner,
don't you think?

- Huh? What?
- What do you think?

Interracial lesbian love behind bars,
okay?

We are gonna hold out for the big bucks,
you know?

Make the rags fight over it.

Right? You did so good.

My mama gonna see me
kissing a white woman.

What?

I'm a mammal.

But maybe you're right.
I should shave this shit.

It's like my hormones are out of whack.

Where did you get that?

Commissary.

They haven't sold those since '92.

Tell me where it came from.

I got it in the salon on trade.

I was not aware the salon
was back up and running.

Oh, yeah. Updo's, down do's.

We got any 'do you want to do.

Hmm. I can see Vidal Sassoon's
got nothing on you.

Business is business.

Stop giving me the side-eye.

I know how it got there.

Life is so tough,
you can't make it into your own bunk?

I don't feel good.

I heard that Alex told you
how our garden grows.

If you say a word, I'll end you.

I would... never.

I just... I can't believe she did
what she did.

It needed to be done.

She told me, and I didn't listen.

She was all on her own.

Maybe she was, but now she's not.

I've been helping her. So has Frieda.

She has friends.
Maybe not you, but other people.

I should have been there for her.

You had other things on your mind.
Being a panty kingpin took a lot of work.

If I had known,
I would have done something.

Honey... what she did
was morally defensible.

I think ultimately
she will find comfort in that.

It was kill or be killed.

Maybe you should worry about the choices
you've made a little more.

She's in pain.

We are all in pain.

I miss my mirror.

And you hurt your arm.

Hot plate accident?

Another tattoo?

Don't think I didn't hear you tossing
and turning all night.

It's nothing.

Show me.

Who did that to you?

Doesn't matter. It's done.

Well, you can't go around
with that horror.

I probably deserve it.

We all need help.

Shh.

Prisoner 143,
report to work detail.

Prisoner 762 for medical transfer.

Hey. Hey, there.

We got to stop running
into each other like this.

Yeah, or you could, uh,
just stop following me.

That, uh... that whole Judas Priest thing.
That was a stupid joke.

Oh.

Truth be told,
I'd probably go back to when we first met.

- Okay.
- I would have treated you like a person...

not like a duck, or a thing.

And I... I...

I would have liked our first time,
if we had gotten there,

to have been nice.

And I would have wanted to see your face

and to have told you what I told you
about loving you, but softer.

I wish I hadn't been so mad.

It wasn't fair what happened.

And... so, yeah,
that's probably when I'd go back to.

And I'm still trying to figure out
why it happened...

Why I did what I did.

I'm sorry, Doggett.

Thank you.

Thank you for saying that.

The backhoe broke down
within the first ten minutes.

Then it turned into a scene
out of Cool Hand Luke

with inmates digging trenches in the sun.

I've never seen that movie.

I've let them all down.

Well, you didn't let me down.

Not now.

Why not?

Because I'm upset.

Is that not obvious?

You know, the school had no chance.

Don't make me feel
like I'm some kind of dream killer.

At least a new dorm
will help with overcrowding.

That might help boost morale a little bit.

Okay. Good, then.

Morale... is... boosted.

Or not boosted.

I'll get that.

Will you watch the sauce? Keep stirring?

- Who was it?
- Oh, it was no one.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Who the hell is that?

It's no one.
It's probably just a salesperson.

I hear you, Mr. Caputo.

And don't you even think

about turning that sprinkler
back on me again.

Again? How many times has she been here?

Shh. Keep it down.

- What?
- Keep it down. Keep it down.

I'm not going anywhere.

I know you're in there.

Who is that?

It's Crystal Burset.

Am I supposed to know who that is?

She's married to Sophia Burset,

the inmate you guys made me put
in a four-by-four box.

The human being you won't allow me
to release from inhumane captivity.

Why do you keep saying "You"?

It's not me. I'm Linda.

I'm here to eat pasta and spend the night.

Can you separate me from the corporation
we both work for?

You're right.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

It's been going on for too long,
and it's starting to get to me.

Hey, hey.

You're not MCC.

Hello! I know you're in there, Mr. MCC.

All right. I'm calling the cops.

- Don't do that.
- No, this is ridiculous.

She's harassing us.

I will handle it.

Crystal, it's late.

MCC denied our request
under the Freedom of Information Act.

I need to know what's going on.

Pasta. And I made a salad.

And we've been at work all day.
So good night.

Everything okay over there?

Who the hell is that?

I have no idea.
I told you I will handle this.

Please.

Go check on the sauce.

I need to know that she's okay.

I mean, I don't even know if she's alive.

MCC is hiding behind
its private corporate status

and not complying with federal laws.

The lawsuit just goes on and on,
and she's lost in there.

I assure you, she is alive and well.

Well, I need proof.

I need documentation.

I need records. I need a paper trail.

I'm entitled to that.

She's a federal prisoner.

What the fuck?

I got mugged once in Newark.
Don't worry. It's registered.

- What the fuck?
- No. No, no, no guns.

- Put the gun away.
- This is a registered gun,

and you're trespassing
on private property.

You've been asked to leave,

and I'm going to ask you one more time.

Please leave now.

- Get back in your car, sir.
- Oh, Jesus.

You've got a gun on my girlfriend.

Well, if your girlfriend joins you
in your car,

she'll be far away from the gun.

Okay?

Call the office next time.

We will talk on the phone.

That was so hot.

Are we sure about this?
I mean, that's still really tender.

We have to do it now or it won't match.

Yeah.

Let's do it.

Okay.

Hold her tight.

I'm so sorry.

I know. I know.

I'm so sorry.

When God gives you a swastika,
he opens a window.

And then you remember, there is no God.

♪ I looked in lighted windows ♪

♪ Hoping I'll see ♪

♪ One lighted window ♪

♪ All lit up for me ♪

♪ One night as I was walking ♪

♪ I looked up and saw ♪

♪ A light shining and I don't know why ♪

♪ But I walked I walked
I walked to her door ♪

♪ I... ♪

♪ When I looked at lighted window ♪

♪ I know that I'll see ♪

♪ One lighted window ♪

♪ Somewhere there's one lit for you ♪

♪ Oh yeah... ♪