One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 9, Episode 8 - Travel Agent - full transcript

While on a trip Barbara finds herself a new job.

♪ This is it

♪ This is life, the one you get

♪ So go and have
a ball ♪ This is it

♪ Straight ahead and rest
assured you can't be sure at all

♪ So while you're
here, enjoy the view

♪ Keep on doing what you do

♪ Hold on tight,
we'll muddle through

♪ One day at a time
♪ So up on your feet

♪ Somewhere
there's music playing

♪ Don't you worry none

♪ Just take it like it comes

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

♪ One day at a time

- Hey Barbara, Barbara.

Taste this.

- What is it?

- It's fish chowder.

- I hate fish chowder.

- Have you ever tasted it?

- No.
- Well taste it.

- I was right, I
hate fish chowder.

- Hey, I had such a good day...

- Taste this.

- Mm, chowder.

Argyle sock chowder.

- I hate it when it's
my night to cook.

- Forget about it, I'm gonna
take you both to dinner.

- That's great,
that's just terrific.

Here you are, you said
cook anything you want,

so I do and then
you guys hate it.

I was just trying
to please you guys.

- I'm sorry, we
love fish chowder.

- That's okay, I'll find a cat.

- Cat chowder.

You want to go out to dinner?

- I don't care.
- Something wrong?

- Don't ask me if
something's wrong.

I hate it when people ask
me if something's wrong.

- Let me rephrase that.

Is something not right?

- I'm sorry, I'm trying
to type up my resume

and it's very depressing.

- Resume of what?

- My education, my life's work.

Everything I've done since
I got out of high school.

Do we have any smaller paper?

- You didn't lose your
job or something, did you?

- No such luck.

I hate that stupid
sporting goods store.

One promotion in three years.

I'm gonna be there forever.

I'll be a little old
lady in Nikes.

- Come on, Barb, lots of
people don't like their jobs.

Look at Julie, she doesn't
like working in that donut shop,

and Max certainly
doesn't like waiting tables.

- And school, I am
never gonna graduate.

I know I should be
there but I just want

to get through with it.

- I know exactly what you need.

You need a little diversion.

- Is that all you
ever think about?

- I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about
a little vacation.

- Mark, my life is in turmoil.

I have no past, I have no
present, I have no future.

Where to?

- Yes, Miss Beckerman.

Don't worry about a thing.

You're confirmed in Paris.

What's that?

No, your husband won't
have to wear a tuxedo

for the continental breakfast.

Yeah, just call me
when you get back.


I'd love to have you drop
by with your snapshots

of the trip.

Okay, goodbye Mrs. Beckerman.

What's that?

Oh yeah, au revoir.


- I'm Barbara Royer.

- Mark Royer.

- I'm Mr. Gonagin.

What can I do for you folks?

- We'd like to take a trip.

- Good, where to?

- Well, I'd like to fly
to Brussels and Zurich

and of course Venice,
then home by way of Athens,

Jakarta, Australia, and Tahiti.

- For $800.

- See, that's
what I'd like to do.

I love traveling.

- [Gonagin] You travel a lot?

- No, but I know I'd love it.

- Actually we were thinking
of spending a few days

in Palm Beach or
maybe even Los Angeles.

- I'd rather go someplace
where the people

are strange and exotic.

- I guess you haven't
been to Los Angeles lately.

How about Mexico?

- Mexico, yeah.

Acapulco, I could
take pictures of you

diving off those cliffs.

- Excuse me, Mr. Gonagin.

We got a wire from the Tilsons.

They're in Marrakech.

- So what's the problem?

- They're supposed
to be in Cairo.

- Oh lord.

Do something about
it, will you, Dorothy?

- Me?

I have to ticket those
passengers leaving for Hawaii.

I'm three days
behind in the filing.

Our brochure racks are a mess.

I don't even have
time for labor pains.

- Dorothy, I did not
ask you to get pregnant.

- No, my husband did.

- I didn't trust that guy the
first time I looked at him.

Okay, okay, just send
the Tilsons another bottle

of champagne and get
them on the next plane, okay?

Go ahead, go ahead.

Now where were we?

- Anywhere within
an $800 radius.

- How about Cancun?

We could just drop over
to Uxmal and Chichen Itza.

- How do you know those places?

- I've wanted to travel
ever since Grandma told me

I could reach China if I
dug down deep enough

in the backyard.

(phone ringing)

- Dorothy, Dorothy,
would you get...

If she doesn't have
that baby pretty soon,

I'm gonna have the desk
moved into the bathroom.

Gonagin travel,
Gonagin speaking.


The tour leader?

I knew he drank a little, but...

Can't you get back on
that bus by yourselves?

He took it?

All right, look, I know
you do a lot of business

with me, Phil, okay.

I'll tell you what, just
charge some champagne

to my bill and I'll take a plane

to Mexico City tonight, okay?

It's the least I can do, okay?

Bye Phil.


Right, adios.

The tour leader left the
Tulip Club in the middle

of the floating gardens.

Look, I'm sorry.

Dorothy's gonna
have to help you.

(knocking on door) Dorothy!

Will you get out of that john?

I don't believe this.

Everything happens at once.

And I'm shorthanded.

I want to hire
somebody, sure, but...

- I'll take the job.

- What?
- What?

- Honey, this is something
that I would really love to do.

I love travel.

- Great, do you
have any experience?

- She's been to Las Vegas.

What about our vacation?

- Honey, how can you
think about a vacation?

This is a chance for
me to get into something

that I would really want to do.

Something that I
would really excel at.

Something that I
really care about.

- That's wonderful, but do
you have any experience?

- Of course.
- Good, what agency?

- Well, it's not a
regular agency actually.

It's more like a sporting store.

But I can keep
books and I can file

and I can type and I
can answer phones

and I'm personable and I'm...
- Cute.

- Cute, Mark.

- What's wrong with cute?

It's the first thing I
noticed about you.

- This job isn't that simple.

It takes special training.

- Okay, but you need someone now

and I can at least
answer the phones.

I'll learn the rest in time.

- I appreciate the thought

but I think I'll just
get somebody

from the temporary help agency.

- Why, you need someone now.

And I'm here, I'm available,
I can start right now.

- I don't think so.

- Okay, wait a second.

I'll bet you that I
can sell a plane ticket

within the next 30 seconds.

- How?

- Well, you have to go to
Mexico City tonight, right?

- Yeah.

- First class or coach?

- Clever, very clever.

(phone ringing)


Gonagin Travel,
Gonagin speaking.

(phone ringing)

Dorothy, Dorothy!

- Gonagin Travel.

Yes, Mrs. Beckerman.

He is handling that right now.

Of course he will.

No, Mrs. Beckerman,
he is dealing

with your arrangements

Yeah, you have a nice day too.


Oh right, au revoir.

- Very good.

All right, you can help
Dorothy until I get back, all right?

- [Barbara] Thank you.

- Just do everything
she tells you.

Then we'll talk about it.

- Okay, thank you.

Barbados, Bahamas, Bermuda.

I gotta keep those straight.

- It's real easy to do.

Let's see, Barbados
is where Julie

fell out of the horse cart,

Bermuda is where she
lost all our traveler's checks,

and the Bahamas is
where she went wind surfing

and ran into the QE2.

You want to move the
world so I can set up?

- Oh yeah, sorry.

I really envy you guys
having been to all those places.

- Sometimes I really miss
working for the airlines.

- Max, you know
so much about it.

Can you tell me a
little bit about airlines?

- Well, Barbara, it all started
on a bleak, wintery morning

in Kitty Hawk.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
as your chef for this evening,

in honor of this
momentous occasion,

we offer an international feast.

Pasta from Italy,
lamb from Greece,

pate from France.

- What's this?

- Water from the tap.

Won't you sit down?

- That's wonderful,
honey, really.

But do you realize that if
Mr. Gonagin keeps me on,

we're gonna be able
to go to all those places

at a discount?

- Honey, you know...

- I know, I've only got
the job for three days

but if I could just
impress him...

(phone rings) I'll
get it, don't worry.



Oh, I'm sorry.

It's Dorothy's husband.


Oh, that's wonderful.

That's terrific.

He's at the hospital,
the baby is coming early.

- No kidding.

Where's Dorothy?

- No, that is really fabulous.

I'm very happy for her.

Of course she's not
gonna be in tomorrow.

No, I understand,
really, that's fine.

Thank you for calling.

Okay, bye bye.

- So?

- Well, looks
like I'm in charge.

- You think you
can handle all that?

- Sure, no problem.

I just have to hope that
no one goes anywhere

for three days.

Yes, Mr. Gonagin, I understand.

That's no problem, really.

Thanks a lot, bye.

- So what did he say?

- He said don't do anything,
don't touch anything.

- Sounds like our first date.

- Barb, don't
worry about a thing.

It'll be okay, just
answer the phones.

- No, I've got to make an
impression on this man.

I've gotta prove to him
that I'm indispensable.

Group tours.

I'll book a group tour.

- That's a great idea.

That's where the money is.

- All I have to do is
learn everything I can

about the travel business.

Max, come over here

and answer some
questions for me, please.

Like, which is the
best state room?

When is the monsoon season?

Where's the best place
to dine in Santorini?

- Upwind from the donkeys.

(phone ringing)

- Good morning, Gonagin Travel.

Barbara Royer speaking.

No sir, he's out
of town right now,

but can I help you?

Uh huh, Las Vegas.

Well, let me look
up your file for you

and see if your room
has been confirmed.

Can you hold on one second?

Terrific, okay.

His name, I forgot his name.

Can't ask the man his
name, he just told me.

Hello, could you tell me
how that last name is spelled?

Like it sounds?

How does it sound?

Thank you, Mr. Jones.

(phone ringing)

Good morning, Gonagin Travel.

Yes, Mrs. Polanski,
Dorothy told me about you.

Your tickets to
Rome are in the mail

and you have been
confirmed in the Excelsior.

Yes, that's terrific, you
have a wonderful trip.

And believe me, if there's
anything that Gonagin Travel

can do to make your
trip more pleasurable,

you just don't hesitate to ask.

An audience with the Pope?

Can I get back to you?

Terrific, have a good day, bye.

Jones, Las Vegas.

- I'd like to book a motel
room in Chicago for my wife

and myself. (laughs)

I did Bogart, I got you
with my beautiful Bogart.

- Schneider, what
are you doing here?

- Your mom told me
you're working down here

so I was in town, I was
picking up a few things,

I thought I'd stop
in and say hello.

This is really a terrific
setup you got here.

- Yeah, I just hope I can stay.

If I could only get a big
group together for a tour.

Schneider, your lodge,
do they ever go on tours?

- Yeah, last year we took
the Milwaukee Wilderness

and Brewery Tour.

- I mean something like Europe.

- One of our bylaws
is drink American.

- A men's club tour of Europe.

Three weeks, nine
countries, sit down.

A charter flight, discount
rates, bring the wives.

- Three weeks with the wives?

I don't think the
guys would buy that.

Schneider, just think about it.

All your buddies in Paris.

Sipping wine, eating escargot.

- Snails?

My guys, they're not for snails.

Their idea of gourmet
is the secret sauce

at Jack in the Box.

- Schneider, I think you're
selling your friends short.

Really, they just might like it.

Think about it.

- Well, you know,
I'll think about it.

I'll certainly mention
it down at the lodge.

As a matter of fact, today
we're having a happy hour.

You know something,
you should come on down.

Women are always
welcome the third Wednesday

of every month
between five and six.

Then you gotta get out.

Look at that, your
light just went out.

- Oh no, hello, Mr. Jones?

He hung up.

How am I gonna get his number?

- [Schneider] Look it up.

- His file, of course.

Jones, senator and Mrs.

Oh my God.

Hello, Mr. Jones.

Hi, Mrs. Jones.

This is Barbara Royer
at Gonagin Travel.

Your husband just called
here about his reservations.

I don't understand.

He just called for a room
for two in Las Vegas.

Mrs. Jones, you see,

I have made a very big mistake.

This is so funny.

I got the wrong file.

It wasn't your husband
at all, really, Mrs. Jones.


- You can probably
tear up the Jones file.

- She gonna sing and
dance like that all night?

- She screwed up at
work, just leave her alone.

- You can't just let her
sit there like a lump.

- Yes you can, trust me.

- Gotta give her a
hug or something.

- No, Max.

- Come on, it's fine, I
know what I'm doing.

Barbara, I'm sorry
you had a bad day.

- What do you know?

It was hideous.

It was awful.

I hung up on a client, I broke
up some senator's marriage,

I was answering questions
about cruises and barge tours

and rent-a-cars.

I got so confused, some
man asked me for a flight

to Pittsburgh and I asked
him what country it was in.

- Honey...
- Then that stupid computer.

I tried to figure it
out but it told me

I was unauthorized
and refused to talk to me.

Called me a dipstick.

- The computer?

- No, the man who
wanted to go to Pittsburgh.

- [Max] Everything's
gonna be okay.

- All I wanted to do
was prove myself.

If only I could have gotten
that audience with the Pope.

- The Pope?

Honey, you didn't
mess up that much.

- For a client.

- Okay, okay, you
screwed up a a little bit

but the rest of the day was
really pretty good, wasn't it?

Come on, admit it.

- It was okay.
- Yeah, it was.

Come on, have some
dinner, you'll feel better.

- I did get a couple off to Rome

and I booked another
couple to Montreal.

I'm still working on getting
a honeymoon couple

off to Rio.

- Great.
- That's terrific.

Did you arrange for visas?

- Visas?

What for?

- You gotta have
a visa in Brazil,

otherwise your honeymoon couple

won't get out of the airport.

- They could have their
honeymoon in the duty free shop.

- What am I gonna do?

- It's very simple, Barbara.

All you gotta do is
forward their passports

to the Brazilian embassy
in Washington DC.

Everything will be fine.

- Thank you.

(doorbell rings)

- Let me get it, you
guys have some salad.

Hey, biggest guy.

Come on in.

- How are you, Maxie?
- All right.

Sorry about the apron.

- Well, a woman's
work is never done.

Look, sorry to disturb
you here during dinner

but I gotta talk to you about
this men's club tour thing.

- They liked it?

- Well apparently you
had some interest, yeah.

- Terrific, Schneider,
come over here.

Sit down with me.

How many want to go, when,
what cities, for how long?

- Wait a second,
hold it, will you?

You got 30 people, 35,
getting ready to go to Europe,

you know what I mean?

You're gonna get a
couple of questions, right?

Okay, here's what
they all want to know.

If we take a group picture,
can we have a group passport?

They want to know, are
they gonna serve light beer

at the Oktoberfest?

And if it rains in Germany,

will they hold the
Oktoberfest inside?

What's the difference
between Rivoli, Tivoli,

Trevi, and Tripoli?

And of course, some of the
women, they want to know

if they can watch while
the guards change. (laughs)

- Can I get back to you?

- Page two.

- Dwayne, Dwayne, why
don't you just leave that list here

and Barbara will get
back to you tomorrow

with all those answers?

- I will?

- Sure we will.

- All right, I'm
telling you now,

you better speed it up,
because one of the guys's wife

is a travel agent herself,

so you better speed it up, okay?

Okay, so baby sleeping?

- Like a baby.

- (laughs) Look, give her this.

I got this for it.

It's a little rubber hacksaw.

Uncle Dwayne says go ahead
and saw yourself out of the crib.

Couldn't get her a real hacksaw.

She'd probably ruin
the crib, you know.

- Why did you tell him
I'd have all the answers?

If I learned anything
today, it's that I know nothing

about travel.

- Barb, you know me.

- Max, would you help me?

- Of course, Barbara.

You know, when I first
started with the airlines,

it was as a ticket agent.

What we'll do is we'll
make an itinerary.

We'll check on reservations.

It'll be fine.

- Max.
- Come on.

- Hey hey hey, what about me?

- Of course.

So the way I see it,
Schneider, is that you've got

the group rate but if
you leave on the 18th,

you'll also get the
off season rate.

- Of course now, Schneider,
this is all gonna have to be

authorized with
Mr. Gonagin, okay?

- Right, but I'm pretty
sure about the figures.

- Yeah, that also
means deluxe motels

and demipensiune which means...

- Some meals.
- Some meals.

Oh, and Dwayne, we
called information in Paris

and there is no
Claudette Lafitte still listed

on the left bank,
so you're safe.

- Right, Schneider.

That's terrific.

Thank you so much.

We'll get in touch
with you again.

Okay, bye bye.

- Hello.

- We did it.

- What's going on?

- It looks like the men's
club is going to sign with us.

33 people.

- That's terrific.

We came down to
take you to dinner.

It looks like it's gonna
be a congratulatory dinner.

- Yeah, I hope so.

I can't thank Max
enough for helping me out.

- Listen, what can I say, huh?

- Mr. Gonagin,
you're back again.

- Who's this person
with his foot on my desk?

- This is my brother in law

and this is my mother.

- Hello, very nice to meet you.

- Hello, we've met before.

This is great, if you can't
do any business here,

at least we can rent the
place out for family reunions.

- We came down here
to congratulate Barbara

on booking that big
tour for your agency.

- You booked a tour
while I was gone?

- It isn't finalized yet
because that's up to you.

- What do you know
about booking tours,

and where's Dorothy?

- She had her baby, remember?

- That was yesterday.

- I think you should
be very proud of her.

She delivered 33 people.

- Dorothy?

- Barbara, for the tour.

- What did you
promise 33 people?

- Mr. Gonagin, you have
nothing to worry about.

Max helped me.

- Max, who's Max?

- Uh, I am.

- Max worked for the airlines.

- He knows everything
there is to know about travel.

- He knows hotels
and restaurants.

- He's familiar with ticketing.

Believe me, you have
nothing to worry about.

He put together a
complete itinerary

and they loved it, really.

You have nothing to worry about.

- I see.

- Anyway, Dorothy
called this morning

and I was talking to her

and it looks like she's not
gonna be coming back to work

for a quite a while.

So that just happens
to leave the job open

for a very enterprising
young person

who just happens to
love the travel business.

- I don't know.

I do need somebody.

Okay, you got the
job, starting tomorrow.

But wear a tie, Max,
and take a shave.

- I didn't say I'd take it.

- You didn't say you wouldn't.

- Well, I have a wife
and a child, you know.

- It was my idea.

- That's right.
- That's right.

- That's right.
- All right.

Sorry, sheesh.

Excuse me.

Mr. Gonagin, sir.

Excuse me.

The truth of the
matter is that basically,

this men's club tour
was Barbara's idea.

- Yes, it was my idea.

- And you know Barbara
has a lot of connections

with other organizations.

I know for a fact that
she has a personal in

with the dental association.

- And with the
advertising league.

- Mr. Gonagin, you're
making a terrible mistake

not hiring me.

- I am?

- Yes you are.

I am the one who kept your
office in order for three days.

And I straightened
out your filing,

which happened to
have been a mess.

- As one of your new employees,

I can highly recommend
bringing her in.

- And as a mother,
I second that.

- And as a husband,
I can assure you...

- I know, she's cute.

Well, you are cute.

And you're also hired.

- Thank you, thank you.

(phone rings)

- Gonagin travel,
Gonagin speaking.

I can hardly hear you.

Just a minute.

Hey, did you
make a call to Italy?

- Yes I did.

- It's for you, it's a
John Paul somebody.