One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 9, Episode 7 - Baby Love: Part 2 - full transcript
Barbara, still wanting to have a child, continues to consider adoption.
♪ This is it, this is it
♪ This is life, the one you get
♪ So go and have a ball
♪ This is it, this is it
♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured
♪ You can't be sure at all.
♪ So, while you're
here enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what you do
♪ Hold on tight
we'll muddle through
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ So up on your
feet ♪ Up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ We'll just take
it like it comes
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a
time, ♪ da da da da
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a
time ♪ Da da da da
♪ One day at a time
- [Narrator] Here is a
scene from last week's show.
- I wanna have a baby.
- I want one too.
- I can't.
- Barbara, it's not impossible.
- Mark.
- I am firm believer
in perseverance.
I say we keep trying
till one of us drops.
(audience laughs)
- You'd make a damn good father,
and I'd make a great mother.
(audience laughs)
I just think it's right that
we should have a family.
- Then let's have a family.
- We can't.
- Yes we can, we'll adopt.
- Adopt?
- Don't tell me you
haven't heard of it.
(audience laughs)
- I've thought about it a lot.
- Then let's do it.
- Really?
- You wanna baby?
- Oh yeah.
- I wanna baby,
let's have a baby.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- We're gonna have a baby.
- Now providing everything else
is found to be satisfactory
you could expect
to get your child
in say three to five years.
- Five years?
- Misses Royer, they're
just aren't that many
healthy white infants available
for adoption these days.
- Misses Bryant we
wanna start our family now.
- Well, you could always
try an independent adoption
through a lawyer or a doctor.
Of course, they do
charge a larger fee.
- No problem.
- It could be as high
as 25,000 dollars.
- Five years isn't that long.
(audience laughs)
- Misses Bryant, Mark and I
would make terrific
parents, really.
I just can't believe there
aren't children out there,
who need parents like us.
He's a dentist.
Our child would
have terrific teeth.
(audience laughs)
And, and I'm a very
nice person, ask anyone.
- I'm sure you are.
Look Mr., Mrs. Royer,
we do have children,
older children,
children with health
problems, minority children.
- Oooh, I don't know, we've
just never thought about it.
- We'll I know it's not the
first thing that comes to mind,
but these are great kids.
They're older, but
they've got an awful lot
to offer the right family.
Well, it's something
to think about.
(phone rings)
Scuse me.
Yes, yes I'll be right in.
Would you excuse
me for a minute?
- I don't have
to think about it.
A child is a child.
- Honey, this is not
the kind of decision
you wanna rush into.
- Who's rushing,
we've talked about this.
- Barbara, we talked
about adopting a baby.
How you gonna feel about
missing those first years?
Well, look at Annie,
that's a very special time.
These kids are
already grown, they're,
already have personalities.
Besides, they look like
they're smarter than I am.
(audience laughs)
- Honey, if there's a
child who needs us.
- He'll need a sense
of his own heritage.
He'll be different.
- No he won't.
- Believe me, at family
picnics, he'll stand out.
(audience laughs)
Can we make him
comfortable with that?
- I don't know.
- Neither do I.
- Look Mark, if
we wanted it easy,
we'd get a goldfish.
Would you rather
have a goldfish?
(audience laughs)
Mark, Mark honey,
what is this spot here?
- Oh, it's grape juice.
Spilled it during
the world series.
- Honey, Misses Bryant is
gonna be here any minute.
- I'm sorry.
- And what is this
spot down here?
- Oh, oh, that's pizza.
I dropped it during a
Lakers Sixers game.
(audience laughs)
- Honey, couldn't you
have been more careful?
- What can I say, I choked
during the big games.
(audience laughs)
- Okay, fine, now what are
we gonna do about these spots?
- I'll get my jacket.
We'll throw it over.
- That's gonna look sloppy.
- Well, I'll wear my jacket,
and I'll sit on the spot.
(audience laughs)
- Mom, help.
- Ah, come on, darling, the
woman from the adoption agency
is not gonna notice.
The house looks absolutely
terrific, believe me.
It's us she's interested in.
Mark, what are we
gonna do with this?
- Oh here I'll take it.
- Okay, good, thank you.
- Oh boy, this is do exciting.
I mean, to think
that there might be
another child in the family.
Ya know, when he
grows up, he'll be a doctor.
- And if it's a girl?
- She'll be a doctor's wife.
(audience laughs)
- Ahh, you've come
a long way, Mom.
(audience laughs)
- Aaaah, Playboy, Mark,
what is Playboy doing
on the coffee table?
- Oh, it's Max's.
- I don't care.
I need Mother Goose, I need
Good Housekeeping, anything.
- Alright, I'll be
back in a minute.
(audience laughs)
- Ooh, ooh, ooh, I have to
check on my gingerbread men.
- You made gingerbread men?
- Mom, gingerbread
men are for Christmas.
- Well, they're for
special occasions.
Are you saying,
this isn't special?
- No, it's special, Mom.
- It's special, special.
- I know, it is.
- Oh, lord.
- Come on honey, relax.
- I'm trying, I really want to,
but I just, I want
this to work out.
- Oh, I know you do.
I just hope.
- [Barbara] What?
- No, this is not the time.
- Mom, or.
- The place.
- Mom, if you don't tell me now,
you're just gonna
make me more nervous.
Do you think I can handle
being more nervous?
- Okay.
I guess, I hope that you've
given this enough thought.
That you realize,
what you're taking on.
- I'm taking on a child.
- Yes, you are, you're
taking on a child,
and a child is an
enormous responsibility,
and you know that.
I mean, darling, a child
changes your entire life,
and you know that too.
Barbara, darling, you
and Mark are very young.
- Mom.
- I think it's.
- When are we gonna
get to the new material?
(audience laughs)
Don't you think Mark
and I have talked
about everything
that you're saying.
Believe me, we've talked,
and talked every
night for a week.
We've done nothing but
talk, no sleeping, just talking.
I usually look a
lot better than this.
(audience laughs)
I know we're doing
the right thing.
I know it.
- I got National Geographic.
- Oh good, I like
that, I like that,
that's nice, that's good.
You're not wearing that are you?
- Well yeah, what's
a matter with it?
- You look like Johnny Cash.
(audience laughs)
And I just think you should
wear something like brighter.
So, Misses Bryant
knows that we live
in a happy cheerful home.
- Well, I kind of thought
that this was very casual.
I don't want Misses
Bryant to think
that we're trying too hard.
- Yeah, but this way, she's
gonna think we're mourning.
(audience laughs)
- Here come the gingerbread men.
- Oooh.
- No, no, no, no, ya know,
they came out so perfectly.
Only one came
out without a head.
(audience laughs)
Yeah, but then I put
him on the bottom.
See how little
his feet stick out.
Oh, no you can't.
- Oh she's here.
- Let me get it.
- Shhhhh, stop
it, Mark you get it.
- No, I'll get it.
- No, wait a second.
(audience laughs)
Do I look okay?
Do I look mature enough?
- Would you like a shawl?
(audience laughs)
- Come on.
- Alright let me
sit on the chair.
- Wait, wait, wait, hurry.
Alright, alright.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Come in.
- Thank you.
- Susan Bryant,
I'd like you to meet
Barbara's mother, Ann Ramano.
- Hello.
- Hi, it's very
nice to meet you.
- Thank you.
And that's her grandmother
Katherine Ramano.
- I'm so happy to meet you.
- And that's our
brother-in-law, Max Horvath.
- Max.
- How ya do.
Well, you certainly
have a lovely home.
- Oh, thanks, well,
we're renting it now,
but we hope
eventually to buy it.
- We like permanence.
- Oh boy, we sure do.
Ya know, if it's one
thing this family's got
it's, it's roots.
- We like roots.
(audience laughs)
- Ah ha, why don't
we all sit down.
- Yeah sitting down is good.
- Nooo, ah please.
Sit here.
- Thank you.
(audience laughs)
- Would you like some tea?
- Yes, thank you.
- Good.
- Max, Mark and Barbara tell me,
that you and your
wife have a little girl.
- Oh yeah, she's
a terrific little girl.
Here name is Annie.
She's a little over
a year old now.
Love's to play
with other children.
Shares all here
toys, doesn't she?
She just loves to share.
(audience laughs)
- Ah, would you like to
see the rest of the house?
- Well, actually if
it's all right with you,
I'd just like to sit
and talk with you all
for a few minutes.
Maybe get to know
you a little better.
- Good idea.
- Now, your five of
you living in this house.
- Mmmhmm.
- Mrs. Ramano, you live nearby?
- Ah, not far.
I live in an apartment
with my husband, Sam.
He's an architect.
- Sam's a terrific architect.
- Thank you.
- You call your father Sam.
- Well, he's not her father.
- No, he's not their father,
before him was their father,
who was also my
husband, we're divorced.
My new husband Sam,
the very fine architect
is a wonderful man.
He's loves children.
As a fatter of fact my
son-in-law is his child,
could I say something here?
(audience laughs)
I'm nervous.
We're all nervous.
We're trying to make
a good impression,
we're making a mess
of the whole thing.
Misses Bryant, we're
very nice people.
- Believe me, there
is absolutely nothing
to be nervous about.
- How many times have I told
you to lock your backdoors?
(audience laughs)
- There nothing but perverts
walking around out there.
(audience laughs)
- Aaahhh, my god.
(audience laughs)
- Schneider, what
are you doing here?
- Didn't you ask me to clean out
all the gunk in the kitchen sink
so it wouldn't smell like
a cat box back there?
- Schneider, I would like
you to meet Misses Bryant.
- Hi.
- From the adoption
agency - Oh, hi,
(audience laughs)
hi, really hi,
hi, I know this family like
the back of my wrench,
I mean, these, this,
I was a little baby,
I mean I was big, but
she was a little girl.
- Nice to meet
you Mr. Schneider.
- Oh, that's great,
but haven't, wait
till I tell you this.
I've know this girl here see,
I've watched her
grow and mature,
she's been doing all this,
she's been doing all, believe me,
but I man everything,
ya know, the wild parties,
the panty raids, the
overnight with the boys.
(audience laughs)
Ya know what happened?
Nothing, nothing, because
she's a saint, she's a saint.
She's one of the most
remarkable unused mothers
in this whole area.
(audience laughs)
You gotta grab
her, she's a steal.
- I wanted to see you today,
because there's a child.
Actually, I've had him
in mind for some time.
- Oh, he's a him.
(audience laughs)
- His name is Jesus, but
he likes to be called Jessie.
He's five years
old, Puerto Rican.
He was put up for
adoption at birth,
and he's been living
with a foster family,
for most of his life.
- Jesus Royer.
(audience laughs)
It's got a ring to it.
- Yeah.
(audience laughs)
- The Mendozas have
been very good to Jesus,
but he needs a permanent home.
Would you like to see him?
- Now, is he here?
- Oh no, we videotape
most of our children.
It's a chance for
you to meet the child,
and decide if you're interested,
before we actually
get the child involved.
- Well good,
let's play the tape.
- Well, I think you should know,
we've tried to find a permanent
home for Jessie before.
He's been kind of a
difficult child to place.
- Well, what exactly do
you mean by difficult?
- Well, does it
make a difference?
- Well sure, she
could mean either
he doesn't eat his spinach,
or he sets the garage on fire.
(audience laughs)
- No, I just mean that Jessie
is a very active little boy.
You can expect a tantrum or
two, maybe some bad language.
- Oh, that's okay, I
know all the words.
(audience laughs)
- I mean, I don't
know all of them.
I just know some of them.
(audience laughs)
The ones that aren't so bad.
Can we just see the tape?
- Sure.
- [Interviewer] Jessie.
- Me llamo Jessie,
tengo cinco anos.
- [Interviewer] In English.
- Wha?
- [Interviewer] In English.
- My name is Jessie, and I'm
five and a quarter years old.
What?
- [Interviewer] The gum.
- I weigh 48 pounds
on the scale at the Y,
and this is what
my face looks like.
(audience laughs)
I like soccer and baseball,
and I want a motor bike,
and I wanna be adopted,
that's all.
- [Misses Bryant] Well?
- Can we play it
again, I think I'm in love.
(audience claps)
- Ah, great.
- That looks good.
- Yeah.
- Oooh.
- Oop, ready.
- Mmmhmm.
- Well, hi all.
- Hi.
- Hi, come in.
Hey let me take your coat.
- Oh, thank you.
- Sure.
- Ah, Mark I'd like you to
meet my friend Jessie Rouise.
- Hi Jessie.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet ya.
- This is Mark's wife Barbara.
- Hi Jessie.
- Hi.
- Well, we decided not to let
a little rain ruin our day,
we're gonna have
our picnic right here.
That sound okay to you Jessie?
- Okay, only picnics are
outside, inside is lunch.
(audience laughs)
- He has a point.
- Yeah.
- Well, why don't I let
you guys get acquainted.
I'll just go in the kitchen,
and do some paperwork.
- Ah, okay.
- Is that alright
with you Jessie?
- Sure.
- Okay, see ya later.
- It's right there.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
Well.
(audience laughs)
- Well Jessie, we're real
glad that you and Susan
could make it today.
- [Mark] Yeah.
- We we're kind of worried,
that the rain might
keep ya away.
- Well, I had to come, how
else are you gonna check me out.
(audience laughs)
- We're not checking
you out, Jessie.
- No, not at all, we just
wanted to meet you.
- That's okay, I've been through
this adoption stuff
before lot's of times.
Do you have a dog?
- Ah no, sorry.
Do you like dogs?
- Sometimes, Papa
Mendoza has a dog.
Bruno's big, but
he doesn't bite.
- Hmm.
- Ya, like picnics, Jessie.
- Mmmhmm, only
this isn't a picnic.
- It's lunch.
(audience laughs)
- Well, I tell you what,
we really didn't know
exactly what you like to eat.
So, we made a
little bit of everything.
We have fried chicken,
and we have ham sandwiches,
and my personal favorite,
chocolate chip cookies.
- Ya know, Jessie's
right, this isn't a picnic.
There's something missing.
I don't know how I
could have overlooked it.
Can't have a
picnic without ants.
(audience laughs)
- Can't believe you brought
those things in the house.
- You wanna em to get wet?
Oh, look there's an
ant right there, Jessie.
- Nah, ahahh.
(Mark, Barbara and Jessie laugh)
- Jessie insisted on
taking his baseball mitt.
Now, Mark explained to him,
that there are no
foul balls at the circus,
but he took it anyway.
- Honey, you love the circus,
how come you didn't go?
- Oh, I don't know, I
guess I just wanted them
to be alone for awhile.
Ya know, get to know each other,
guy talk, and all that stuff.
Besides, I have a
million things to do.
I gotta do the laundry.
I have to balance the checkbook.
I mean ever since Jessie,
everything else is
come in second place.
- You're having a
great time aren't you?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I just wish he
could stay everyday,
and not just the weekends.
Isn't he a wonderful kid?
- He's pretty terrific.
- Yeah, of course
he's not perfect.
I mean there was that
incident with Mark's truck,
but Mark never should
have left the keys inside.
(audience laughs)
Then of course, there was
the problem with the mailman,
but don't all little boys
do things like that?
- Julie did.
- Yeah.
(audience laughs)
He's a lot of trouble,
but when he's not around
I miss him.
- Welcome to parenthood.
- Do we look like parents?
- What do parents look like?
- Oh, I don't know.
I guess every time I
see people with kids,
they have a certain
look about them.
- It's fatigue.
(audience laughs)
- I can't get enough
of him, Mom.
Oh, let me try this on you.
(Barbara speaks Spanish)
- I couldn't have
said it better myself.
- It means wash your hands
and do your homework.
- I knew that.
(Barbara laughs)
- Oh, do you realize in
just three short months,
we're gonna be able
to petition for adoption,
if Jessie'll have us.
- Of course, he'll have you.
- You think?
- Honey, you should know.
- I know I should
know, but I don't know.
I mean, I think
he likes us, but.
- Honey, Jessie's a little boy,
you don't have to
entertain him every minute,
or hang on every word he says.
He's going to love you,
because in case you didn't know,
you're a very lovable person.
- I just wanna be a
good mother, mother.
(audience laughs)
- And you will.
- I don't wanna
make any mistakes.
- And you will.
- Swell.
(audience laughs)
- You just have to pray,
that they aren't
gonna be big ones.
Hey look, you turned out okay,
look at all the mistakes
I made with you.
- That's right.
- I knew that would
make you feel better.
(Barbara and her mother laugh)
(audience laughs)
I gotta go sweetheart.
- Okay.
- Sam is waiting for me.
- Thanks for coming over.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- Ooh, see you later.
- Okay.
- Jessie, this
discussion is not over.
I'm very angry, don't
run away from me,
when I'm talking to you.
- Honey, please you're shouting.
- You bet I am, sit down.
- Honey, calm down.
- Understand what
I'm saying, Jessie,
if anything like this
ever happens again,
I'm gonna do more than shout.
- Honey please,
whatever this is,
it can't be all the bad.
- Oh yeah, you wanna
tell her what happened,
or shall I?
We we're having a terrific time.
I got up to get a
couple of hotdogs.
I told him to stay in his seat,
when I got back he disappeared,
it scared me to death.
Half an hour, and two
security guards later,
I found him playing
in the parking lot.
- Oh Jessie, how could
you do something like that?
- You see, that's
the worst of it,
all the way home, he
wouldn't say anything.
I was very worried Jessie.
I think you owe me an apology,
what do you think?
- I'm sorry, Mark.
I did a bad thing.
- You bet you did.
- I'll never do it again.
- Okay.
Okay.
(audience laughs)
Have we met, I'm Mark.
- I'm Jessie.
- This is my wife, Barbara.
- Hi, lady.
(audience laughs)
- What do you say we take
Jessie to a movie tomorrow.
- Sure.
- Mmkay, do you want see some
giant Moths eat up teenagers,
or Burnt Reynolds crash a car?
- How bout a museum?
(audience laughs)
- Jessie what are you doing up?
- Do you know you
have a monster up there?
- A monster, that can't be.
- No, no, no, I made sure,
all the monster were out of
your room before you came.
- Well, one got away.
- Mmm, what does
this monster look like?
- Big and ugly.
- I better go talk to him.
- No, talking's no good.
You gotta beat the
bear up with the broom,
that'll scare him away.
- Good idea.
- Yeah, okay.
- Of course.
- You gotta know something,
if I'm gonna stay here.
- Do you have a broom?
- Right here.
- Certainly do, oh wait,
before we go up there,
what else should we know?
- No talking and stay down.
- Ah, okay.
- Ready.
- You ready, Jessie.
- Yeah, okay.
- Follow me.
(audience laughs)
- Hi honey, I'm sorry I'm late.
It was frantic at work today.
Some guy came in
just as we were closing
looking for a basketball, right.
Now, you'd think a
basketball is a basketball,
but this guy had to
spin it, he had dribble it,
he had to shoot it.
I thought he'd never leave.
Is Jessie here yet?
- No.
- Oh good, that means
I have plenty of time
to make the spaghetti.
Wait a second, I thought Susan
was dropping him off at six
it's way past that.
- Oh, Jessie's not coming.
He's staying with
the Mendozas tonight.
They're celebrating.
- Celebrating what?
- Barbara, we're
not getting Jessie.
- What are you talking about?
- The Mendozas have
petitioned for adoption.
Susan says they're not
gonna have any problems.
- Wait a minute,
we wanna him too,
why should they
pick them over us.
- Because they're Hispanic,
and because he's lived with
them for the past five years.
- And after five years
they finally decide
that they wanna keep him?
- No, they always
wanted to keep him.
It's just that they have
three children of their own.
When they thought
they might lose him.
Barbara, Susan say
they're good people.
- I don't care what Susan says.
We're good people too.
We're better for Jessie,
we can give him more.
- He's happy with them Barbara.
- But he was happy with us Mark.
We can fight this.
- We can't fight this Barbara.
- Yes we can, we'll ask Jessie.
We'll let him decide
who he wants to stay with.
- You can't let a child
make that decision.
We're the grownups here.
Let's make a grownup decision.
- How can you give
him up so easily?
- You think this is easy?
- Where have you
been for the past month
in case you didn't notice,
that was me out there playing
with him in the backyard,
and reading stories
to him, making plans,
I don't wanna lose him either,
I love just as much as you do.
- And he loves us.
- Oh sure, we're
fun, we're pals,
we take him to the circus.
We're like summer camp Barb.
It's great for a month or two,
but eventually you get homesick.
We're summer camp,
the Mendozas are home.
They're better for him.
- No they're not.
- Yes they are.
- Mark, what are you
trying to say to me?
That I'm being selfish, fine.
I'm selfish, that I
should accept this.
I did accept this two years ago,
when they told me I
couldn't have a baby.
I accepted it then,
and then you told
me no they're wrong.
We'll have a baby.
We'll adopt one,
that's what you told me
Mark, and I believed you.
Okay, we're not getting Jessie.
- Susan's gonna
keep trying for us,
maybe in a couple months.
- No, I can't go
through this again Mark.
- You don't have to go
through it again, Barbara.
- Next time, it'll be different.
- No next time, please.
Look, we'll be better off.
I was happy before Jessie.
I can be happy after him.
I mean, that way we can
spend more time together.
We can go on trips,
and fix up the house.
- And then we're
gonna try again.
(audience claps)
(upbeat music)
♪ This is life, the one you get
♪ So go and have a ball
♪ This is it, this is it
♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured
♪ You can't be sure at all.
♪ So, while you're
here enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what you do
♪ Hold on tight
we'll muddle through
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ So up on your
feet ♪ Up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ We'll just take
it like it comes
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a
time, ♪ da da da da
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a
time ♪ Da da da da
♪ One day at a time
- [Narrator] Here is a
scene from last week's show.
- I wanna have a baby.
- I want one too.
- I can't.
- Barbara, it's not impossible.
- Mark.
- I am firm believer
in perseverance.
I say we keep trying
till one of us drops.
(audience laughs)
- You'd make a damn good father,
and I'd make a great mother.
(audience laughs)
I just think it's right that
we should have a family.
- Then let's have a family.
- We can't.
- Yes we can, we'll adopt.
- Adopt?
- Don't tell me you
haven't heard of it.
(audience laughs)
- I've thought about it a lot.
- Then let's do it.
- Really?
- You wanna baby?
- Oh yeah.
- I wanna baby,
let's have a baby.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- We're gonna have a baby.
- Now providing everything else
is found to be satisfactory
you could expect
to get your child
in say three to five years.
- Five years?
- Misses Royer, they're
just aren't that many
healthy white infants available
for adoption these days.
- Misses Bryant we
wanna start our family now.
- Well, you could always
try an independent adoption
through a lawyer or a doctor.
Of course, they do
charge a larger fee.
- No problem.
- It could be as high
as 25,000 dollars.
- Five years isn't that long.
(audience laughs)
- Misses Bryant, Mark and I
would make terrific
parents, really.
I just can't believe there
aren't children out there,
who need parents like us.
He's a dentist.
Our child would
have terrific teeth.
(audience laughs)
And, and I'm a very
nice person, ask anyone.
- I'm sure you are.
Look Mr., Mrs. Royer,
we do have children,
older children,
children with health
problems, minority children.
- Oooh, I don't know, we've
just never thought about it.
- We'll I know it's not the
first thing that comes to mind,
but these are great kids.
They're older, but
they've got an awful lot
to offer the right family.
Well, it's something
to think about.
(phone rings)
Scuse me.
Yes, yes I'll be right in.
Would you excuse
me for a minute?
- I don't have
to think about it.
A child is a child.
- Honey, this is not
the kind of decision
you wanna rush into.
- Who's rushing,
we've talked about this.
- Barbara, we talked
about adopting a baby.
How you gonna feel about
missing those first years?
Well, look at Annie,
that's a very special time.
These kids are
already grown, they're,
already have personalities.
Besides, they look like
they're smarter than I am.
(audience laughs)
- Honey, if there's a
child who needs us.
- He'll need a sense
of his own heritage.
He'll be different.
- No he won't.
- Believe me, at family
picnics, he'll stand out.
(audience laughs)
Can we make him
comfortable with that?
- I don't know.
- Neither do I.
- Look Mark, if
we wanted it easy,
we'd get a goldfish.
Would you rather
have a goldfish?
(audience laughs)
Mark, Mark honey,
what is this spot here?
- Oh, it's grape juice.
Spilled it during
the world series.
- Honey, Misses Bryant is
gonna be here any minute.
- I'm sorry.
- And what is this
spot down here?
- Oh, oh, that's pizza.
I dropped it during a
Lakers Sixers game.
(audience laughs)
- Honey, couldn't you
have been more careful?
- What can I say, I choked
during the big games.
(audience laughs)
- Okay, fine, now what are
we gonna do about these spots?
- I'll get my jacket.
We'll throw it over.
- That's gonna look sloppy.
- Well, I'll wear my jacket,
and I'll sit on the spot.
(audience laughs)
- Mom, help.
- Ah, come on, darling, the
woman from the adoption agency
is not gonna notice.
The house looks absolutely
terrific, believe me.
It's us she's interested in.
Mark, what are we
gonna do with this?
- Oh here I'll take it.
- Okay, good, thank you.
- Oh boy, this is do exciting.
I mean, to think
that there might be
another child in the family.
Ya know, when he
grows up, he'll be a doctor.
- And if it's a girl?
- She'll be a doctor's wife.
(audience laughs)
- Ahh, you've come
a long way, Mom.
(audience laughs)
- Aaaah, Playboy, Mark,
what is Playboy doing
on the coffee table?
- Oh, it's Max's.
- I don't care.
I need Mother Goose, I need
Good Housekeeping, anything.
- Alright, I'll be
back in a minute.
(audience laughs)
- Ooh, ooh, ooh, I have to
check on my gingerbread men.
- You made gingerbread men?
- Mom, gingerbread
men are for Christmas.
- Well, they're for
special occasions.
Are you saying,
this isn't special?
- No, it's special, Mom.
- It's special, special.
- I know, it is.
- Oh, lord.
- Come on honey, relax.
- I'm trying, I really want to,
but I just, I want
this to work out.
- Oh, I know you do.
I just hope.
- [Barbara] What?
- No, this is not the time.
- Mom, or.
- The place.
- Mom, if you don't tell me now,
you're just gonna
make me more nervous.
Do you think I can handle
being more nervous?
- Okay.
I guess, I hope that you've
given this enough thought.
That you realize,
what you're taking on.
- I'm taking on a child.
- Yes, you are, you're
taking on a child,
and a child is an
enormous responsibility,
and you know that.
I mean, darling, a child
changes your entire life,
and you know that too.
Barbara, darling, you
and Mark are very young.
- Mom.
- I think it's.
- When are we gonna
get to the new material?
(audience laughs)
Don't you think Mark
and I have talked
about everything
that you're saying.
Believe me, we've talked,
and talked every
night for a week.
We've done nothing but
talk, no sleeping, just talking.
I usually look a
lot better than this.
(audience laughs)
I know we're doing
the right thing.
I know it.
- I got National Geographic.
- Oh good, I like
that, I like that,
that's nice, that's good.
You're not wearing that are you?
- Well yeah, what's
a matter with it?
- You look like Johnny Cash.
(audience laughs)
And I just think you should
wear something like brighter.
So, Misses Bryant
knows that we live
in a happy cheerful home.
- Well, I kind of thought
that this was very casual.
I don't want Misses
Bryant to think
that we're trying too hard.
- Yeah, but this way, she's
gonna think we're mourning.
(audience laughs)
- Here come the gingerbread men.
- Oooh.
- No, no, no, no, ya know,
they came out so perfectly.
Only one came
out without a head.
(audience laughs)
Yeah, but then I put
him on the bottom.
See how little
his feet stick out.
Oh, no you can't.
- Oh she's here.
- Let me get it.
- Shhhhh, stop
it, Mark you get it.
- No, I'll get it.
- No, wait a second.
(audience laughs)
Do I look okay?
Do I look mature enough?
- Would you like a shawl?
(audience laughs)
- Come on.
- Alright let me
sit on the chair.
- Wait, wait, wait, hurry.
Alright, alright.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Come in.
- Thank you.
- Susan Bryant,
I'd like you to meet
Barbara's mother, Ann Ramano.
- Hello.
- Hi, it's very
nice to meet you.
- Thank you.
And that's her grandmother
Katherine Ramano.
- I'm so happy to meet you.
- And that's our
brother-in-law, Max Horvath.
- Max.
- How ya do.
Well, you certainly
have a lovely home.
- Oh, thanks, well,
we're renting it now,
but we hope
eventually to buy it.
- We like permanence.
- Oh boy, we sure do.
Ya know, if it's one
thing this family's got
it's, it's roots.
- We like roots.
(audience laughs)
- Ah ha, why don't
we all sit down.
- Yeah sitting down is good.
- Nooo, ah please.
Sit here.
- Thank you.
(audience laughs)
- Would you like some tea?
- Yes, thank you.
- Good.
- Max, Mark and Barbara tell me,
that you and your
wife have a little girl.
- Oh yeah, she's
a terrific little girl.
Here name is Annie.
She's a little over
a year old now.
Love's to play
with other children.
Shares all here
toys, doesn't she?
She just loves to share.
(audience laughs)
- Ah, would you like to
see the rest of the house?
- Well, actually if
it's all right with you,
I'd just like to sit
and talk with you all
for a few minutes.
Maybe get to know
you a little better.
- Good idea.
- Now, your five of
you living in this house.
- Mmmhmm.
- Mrs. Ramano, you live nearby?
- Ah, not far.
I live in an apartment
with my husband, Sam.
He's an architect.
- Sam's a terrific architect.
- Thank you.
- You call your father Sam.
- Well, he's not her father.
- No, he's not their father,
before him was their father,
who was also my
husband, we're divorced.
My new husband Sam,
the very fine architect
is a wonderful man.
He's loves children.
As a fatter of fact my
son-in-law is his child,
could I say something here?
(audience laughs)
I'm nervous.
We're all nervous.
We're trying to make
a good impression,
we're making a mess
of the whole thing.
Misses Bryant, we're
very nice people.
- Believe me, there
is absolutely nothing
to be nervous about.
- How many times have I told
you to lock your backdoors?
(audience laughs)
- There nothing but perverts
walking around out there.
(audience laughs)
- Aaahhh, my god.
(audience laughs)
- Schneider, what
are you doing here?
- Didn't you ask me to clean out
all the gunk in the kitchen sink
so it wouldn't smell like
a cat box back there?
- Schneider, I would like
you to meet Misses Bryant.
- Hi.
- From the adoption
agency - Oh, hi,
(audience laughs)
hi, really hi,
hi, I know this family like
the back of my wrench,
I mean, these, this,
I was a little baby,
I mean I was big, but
she was a little girl.
- Nice to meet
you Mr. Schneider.
- Oh, that's great,
but haven't, wait
till I tell you this.
I've know this girl here see,
I've watched her
grow and mature,
she's been doing all this,
she's been doing all, believe me,
but I man everything,
ya know, the wild parties,
the panty raids, the
overnight with the boys.
(audience laughs)
Ya know what happened?
Nothing, nothing, because
she's a saint, she's a saint.
She's one of the most
remarkable unused mothers
in this whole area.
(audience laughs)
You gotta grab
her, she's a steal.
- I wanted to see you today,
because there's a child.
Actually, I've had him
in mind for some time.
- Oh, he's a him.
(audience laughs)
- His name is Jesus, but
he likes to be called Jessie.
He's five years
old, Puerto Rican.
He was put up for
adoption at birth,
and he's been living
with a foster family,
for most of his life.
- Jesus Royer.
(audience laughs)
It's got a ring to it.
- Yeah.
(audience laughs)
- The Mendozas have
been very good to Jesus,
but he needs a permanent home.
Would you like to see him?
- Now, is he here?
- Oh no, we videotape
most of our children.
It's a chance for
you to meet the child,
and decide if you're interested,
before we actually
get the child involved.
- Well good,
let's play the tape.
- Well, I think you should know,
we've tried to find a permanent
home for Jessie before.
He's been kind of a
difficult child to place.
- Well, what exactly do
you mean by difficult?
- Well, does it
make a difference?
- Well sure, she
could mean either
he doesn't eat his spinach,
or he sets the garage on fire.
(audience laughs)
- No, I just mean that Jessie
is a very active little boy.
You can expect a tantrum or
two, maybe some bad language.
- Oh, that's okay, I
know all the words.
(audience laughs)
- I mean, I don't
know all of them.
I just know some of them.
(audience laughs)
The ones that aren't so bad.
Can we just see the tape?
- Sure.
- [Interviewer] Jessie.
- Me llamo Jessie,
tengo cinco anos.
- [Interviewer] In English.
- Wha?
- [Interviewer] In English.
- My name is Jessie, and I'm
five and a quarter years old.
What?
- [Interviewer] The gum.
- I weigh 48 pounds
on the scale at the Y,
and this is what
my face looks like.
(audience laughs)
I like soccer and baseball,
and I want a motor bike,
and I wanna be adopted,
that's all.
- [Misses Bryant] Well?
- Can we play it
again, I think I'm in love.
(audience claps)
- Ah, great.
- That looks good.
- Yeah.
- Oooh.
- Oop, ready.
- Mmmhmm.
- Well, hi all.
- Hi.
- Hi, come in.
Hey let me take your coat.
- Oh, thank you.
- Sure.
- Ah, Mark I'd like you to
meet my friend Jessie Rouise.
- Hi Jessie.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet ya.
- This is Mark's wife Barbara.
- Hi Jessie.
- Hi.
- Well, we decided not to let
a little rain ruin our day,
we're gonna have
our picnic right here.
That sound okay to you Jessie?
- Okay, only picnics are
outside, inside is lunch.
(audience laughs)
- He has a point.
- Yeah.
- Well, why don't I let
you guys get acquainted.
I'll just go in the kitchen,
and do some paperwork.
- Ah, okay.
- Is that alright
with you Jessie?
- Sure.
- Okay, see ya later.
- It's right there.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
Well.
(audience laughs)
- Well Jessie, we're real
glad that you and Susan
could make it today.
- [Mark] Yeah.
- We we're kind of worried,
that the rain might
keep ya away.
- Well, I had to come, how
else are you gonna check me out.
(audience laughs)
- We're not checking
you out, Jessie.
- No, not at all, we just
wanted to meet you.
- That's okay, I've been through
this adoption stuff
before lot's of times.
Do you have a dog?
- Ah no, sorry.
Do you like dogs?
- Sometimes, Papa
Mendoza has a dog.
Bruno's big, but
he doesn't bite.
- Hmm.
- Ya, like picnics, Jessie.
- Mmmhmm, only
this isn't a picnic.
- It's lunch.
(audience laughs)
- Well, I tell you what,
we really didn't know
exactly what you like to eat.
So, we made a
little bit of everything.
We have fried chicken,
and we have ham sandwiches,
and my personal favorite,
chocolate chip cookies.
- Ya know, Jessie's
right, this isn't a picnic.
There's something missing.
I don't know how I
could have overlooked it.
Can't have a
picnic without ants.
(audience laughs)
- Can't believe you brought
those things in the house.
- You wanna em to get wet?
Oh, look there's an
ant right there, Jessie.
- Nah, ahahh.
(Mark, Barbara and Jessie laugh)
- Jessie insisted on
taking his baseball mitt.
Now, Mark explained to him,
that there are no
foul balls at the circus,
but he took it anyway.
- Honey, you love the circus,
how come you didn't go?
- Oh, I don't know, I
guess I just wanted them
to be alone for awhile.
Ya know, get to know each other,
guy talk, and all that stuff.
Besides, I have a
million things to do.
I gotta do the laundry.
I have to balance the checkbook.
I mean ever since Jessie,
everything else is
come in second place.
- You're having a
great time aren't you?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I just wish he
could stay everyday,
and not just the weekends.
Isn't he a wonderful kid?
- He's pretty terrific.
- Yeah, of course
he's not perfect.
I mean there was that
incident with Mark's truck,
but Mark never should
have left the keys inside.
(audience laughs)
Then of course, there was
the problem with the mailman,
but don't all little boys
do things like that?
- Julie did.
- Yeah.
(audience laughs)
He's a lot of trouble,
but when he's not around
I miss him.
- Welcome to parenthood.
- Do we look like parents?
- What do parents look like?
- Oh, I don't know.
I guess every time I
see people with kids,
they have a certain
look about them.
- It's fatigue.
(audience laughs)
- I can't get enough
of him, Mom.
Oh, let me try this on you.
(Barbara speaks Spanish)
- I couldn't have
said it better myself.
- It means wash your hands
and do your homework.
- I knew that.
(Barbara laughs)
- Oh, do you realize in
just three short months,
we're gonna be able
to petition for adoption,
if Jessie'll have us.
- Of course, he'll have you.
- You think?
- Honey, you should know.
- I know I should
know, but I don't know.
I mean, I think
he likes us, but.
- Honey, Jessie's a little boy,
you don't have to
entertain him every minute,
or hang on every word he says.
He's going to love you,
because in case you didn't know,
you're a very lovable person.
- I just wanna be a
good mother, mother.
(audience laughs)
- And you will.
- I don't wanna
make any mistakes.
- And you will.
- Swell.
(audience laughs)
- You just have to pray,
that they aren't
gonna be big ones.
Hey look, you turned out okay,
look at all the mistakes
I made with you.
- That's right.
- I knew that would
make you feel better.
(Barbara and her mother laugh)
(audience laughs)
I gotta go sweetheart.
- Okay.
- Sam is waiting for me.
- Thanks for coming over.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- Ooh, see you later.
- Okay.
- Jessie, this
discussion is not over.
I'm very angry, don't
run away from me,
when I'm talking to you.
- Honey, please you're shouting.
- You bet I am, sit down.
- Honey, calm down.
- Understand what
I'm saying, Jessie,
if anything like this
ever happens again,
I'm gonna do more than shout.
- Honey please,
whatever this is,
it can't be all the bad.
- Oh yeah, you wanna
tell her what happened,
or shall I?
We we're having a terrific time.
I got up to get a
couple of hotdogs.
I told him to stay in his seat,
when I got back he disappeared,
it scared me to death.
Half an hour, and two
security guards later,
I found him playing
in the parking lot.
- Oh Jessie, how could
you do something like that?
- You see, that's
the worst of it,
all the way home, he
wouldn't say anything.
I was very worried Jessie.
I think you owe me an apology,
what do you think?
- I'm sorry, Mark.
I did a bad thing.
- You bet you did.
- I'll never do it again.
- Okay.
Okay.
(audience laughs)
Have we met, I'm Mark.
- I'm Jessie.
- This is my wife, Barbara.
- Hi, lady.
(audience laughs)
- What do you say we take
Jessie to a movie tomorrow.
- Sure.
- Mmkay, do you want see some
giant Moths eat up teenagers,
or Burnt Reynolds crash a car?
- How bout a museum?
(audience laughs)
- Jessie what are you doing up?
- Do you know you
have a monster up there?
- A monster, that can't be.
- No, no, no, I made sure,
all the monster were out of
your room before you came.
- Well, one got away.
- Mmm, what does
this monster look like?
- Big and ugly.
- I better go talk to him.
- No, talking's no good.
You gotta beat the
bear up with the broom,
that'll scare him away.
- Good idea.
- Yeah, okay.
- Of course.
- You gotta know something,
if I'm gonna stay here.
- Do you have a broom?
- Right here.
- Certainly do, oh wait,
before we go up there,
what else should we know?
- No talking and stay down.
- Ah, okay.
- Ready.
- You ready, Jessie.
- Yeah, okay.
- Follow me.
(audience laughs)
- Hi honey, I'm sorry I'm late.
It was frantic at work today.
Some guy came in
just as we were closing
looking for a basketball, right.
Now, you'd think a
basketball is a basketball,
but this guy had to
spin it, he had dribble it,
he had to shoot it.
I thought he'd never leave.
Is Jessie here yet?
- No.
- Oh good, that means
I have plenty of time
to make the spaghetti.
Wait a second, I thought Susan
was dropping him off at six
it's way past that.
- Oh, Jessie's not coming.
He's staying with
the Mendozas tonight.
They're celebrating.
- Celebrating what?
- Barbara, we're
not getting Jessie.
- What are you talking about?
- The Mendozas have
petitioned for adoption.
Susan says they're not
gonna have any problems.
- Wait a minute,
we wanna him too,
why should they
pick them over us.
- Because they're Hispanic,
and because he's lived with
them for the past five years.
- And after five years
they finally decide
that they wanna keep him?
- No, they always
wanted to keep him.
It's just that they have
three children of their own.
When they thought
they might lose him.
Barbara, Susan say
they're good people.
- I don't care what Susan says.
We're good people too.
We're better for Jessie,
we can give him more.
- He's happy with them Barbara.
- But he was happy with us Mark.
We can fight this.
- We can't fight this Barbara.
- Yes we can, we'll ask Jessie.
We'll let him decide
who he wants to stay with.
- You can't let a child
make that decision.
We're the grownups here.
Let's make a grownup decision.
- How can you give
him up so easily?
- You think this is easy?
- Where have you
been for the past month
in case you didn't notice,
that was me out there playing
with him in the backyard,
and reading stories
to him, making plans,
I don't wanna lose him either,
I love just as much as you do.
- And he loves us.
- Oh sure, we're
fun, we're pals,
we take him to the circus.
We're like summer camp Barb.
It's great for a month or two,
but eventually you get homesick.
We're summer camp,
the Mendozas are home.
They're better for him.
- No they're not.
- Yes they are.
- Mark, what are you
trying to say to me?
That I'm being selfish, fine.
I'm selfish, that I
should accept this.
I did accept this two years ago,
when they told me I
couldn't have a baby.
I accepted it then,
and then you told
me no they're wrong.
We'll have a baby.
We'll adopt one,
that's what you told me
Mark, and I believed you.
Okay, we're not getting Jessie.
- Susan's gonna
keep trying for us,
maybe in a couple months.
- No, I can't go
through this again Mark.
- You don't have to go
through it again, Barbara.
- Next time, it'll be different.
- No next time, please.
Look, we'll be better off.
I was happy before Jessie.
I can be happy after him.
I mean, that way we can
spend more time together.
We can go on trips,
and fix up the house.
- And then we're
gonna try again.
(audience claps)
(upbeat music)