One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 2, Episode 17 - Ginny's Child - full transcript
Ginny seems to be depressed every Sunday afternoon.
♪ This is it, this is it
♪ This is life, the one you get
♪ So go and have a ball
♪ This is it, this is it
♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured
♪ You can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here, enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doin' what you do
♪ Hold on tight
we'll muddle through
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ So up on your
feet, up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ We'll just take
it like it comes
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a time, la da da da
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a time, la da da da
♪ One day at a time
- Let's see, cotton swabs,
needle, disinfectant.
- Will you stop coming
on like Medical Center?
You're just piercing my
ears, not doing brain surgery.
- That's good.
At least you have ears.
So what else do I need?
Ice cubes, a potato!
- A potato, you've
got to be kidding.
What do you need a potato for?
- I'll show you.
Darling, it's definitely you.
- What's with the potato?
- You gotta have
something to stop the needle
after it goes through your ear.
What do you want,
a hole in your neck?
To match the one in your head?
You're supposed to use a
cork but I couldn't find one.
This oughta work, ow!
- I got a better way
to stop this, like that.
- Chicken!
It's practically painless.
- I don't wanna hear practically,
I want to hear absolutely.
- Come on, we
wanna get this done
before Mom gets home, Moonface.
- Julie!
- Come on, Barbara.
- Okay, how come
we're doing me first?
- I want to find out
how much it hurts.
- That's it.
- Sit still, dear,
this won't hurt a bit.
Nancy Throckmorton
lived through it.
It's painless, if
you don't faint.
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Mom, hello.
- What's
goin' on?
- Nothing.
- [Both] Nothing,
nothing, nothing,
nothing, nothing.
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
- No.
(giggling)
- [Ann] Excuse me.
Ah, where did this
potato come from?
- Idaho.
(audience laughing)
- Ice cubes, disinfectant,
cotton swabs,
needle and a potato.
Let me guess, you were gonna
make potatoes extraordinaire.
- [Both Girls] Right!
- It's a science project.
- [Both Girls] Right!
- And pierce your ears.
- [Both Girls] Right!
- I thought I told you
girls absolutely, definitely,
you could not
pierce your own ears.
Now you go to a department
store where there's a nurse
and it is done right.
- All right mom,
we'll do it your way.
- But can we have some money?
- Nope!
- That's really rotten, mom.
- Yep!
Any more questions?
- Can we borrow
your charge card?
- [Both Girls] Nope!
- Mom, please.
- Come on, Mom.
- We'll pay you back,
- It costs $10 each!
- [Julie] Mom, we really will.
(Schneider yells)
- You got a moment?
- Schneider, why do
you always bust in here
right in the middle
of an argument?
- Well it's usually the
most interesting time.
I'm a little worried
about something
and I would like to talk to you,
I'd like to talk to you
(foreign language).
- You mean privately?
- Please I said it in French
so the girls wouldn't know.
- Girls, would you mind,
Schneider wants to talk
(speaks foreign language).
- Oh, the Zs are silent, huh?
- Mom, what about our ears?
- Can't we have 'em pierced?
- Yes at a department
store with a nurse's needle.
- You don't have to go
to no department store.
Here, use my letter punch.
(audience laughing)
- You know what
I'm gonna do, Mom?
I'm gonna pierce my nose!
- Oh now you're talking sense!
- [Julie] I know!
- Yeah well, something's
bothering you?
- Well, It's Miss Wrobliki.
She's gone again.
Like she is every
Sunday and I have
no idea where's she's going and
oh I just thought
maybe I can get
the benefit of your thinking.
- Gladly.
I think you ought to
butt out of her business.
- You know Miss
Romano is there's one
thing that I like
about you it's your
supply of ready wit.
I mean the way you
rip off them repasts.
It's really annoying.
- Snooping is
really annoying too.
- Yeah well one man snooping
is another man's neighborliness.
Now don't tell me that
you don't care that Ginny's
been acting mysterious lately.
- Schneider, Ginny's private
life is her own business.
Frankly I just haven't noticed
that she's gone on Sundays.
- Well she is.
Every Sunday
morning, 9 o'clock sharp
she's on that number
32 westbound bus.
- Eastbound.
(laughter)
Yeah alright.
I'm worried too.
Now what really
bothers me about it
is that when she
comes home on Sunday
she's so upset and bothered.
- I know, and she's
usually so lively,
so full of jokes!
I mean when she's
telling them jokes man,
she's almost as
funny as Merv Griffin.
When she gets back
here from wherever
it is she's been it's like she's
been to a funeral.
Who could she know
that dies once a week?
(laughter)
- Schneider we both know
that something's bothering her,
but when she wants
to tell us she'll tell us.
And until then,
we should keep
out of her business.
- You're right.
You're really absolutely right.
It's wrong to spy on people.
Unless you're one
of them hush hush
government CPA guys.
I must admit that
this is exactly the time
that Ginny usually
gets off the bus.
So maybe it won't hurt.
(laughter)
- Schneider.
(doorbell rings)
Come on, put that thing away.
Don't be ridiculous.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Schneider, have
you seen Ginny yet?
- No, she didn't
get off that bus.
I guess...
Hi there!
Why Ginny,
I was just checking
out the big dipper.
- At four in the afternoon?
- Yeah well, that's
when it takes a big dip.
- You okay?
- Oh I'm terrific.
All smiles.
I'm showing more back
teeth than President Carter.
- You look pretty good huh?
- Oh and why not?!
I lost four pounds on
my crash banana diet.
For the last five days I've
eaten nothing but bananas.
I feel light, I feel peppy.
Anytime now I expect
King Kong to propose.
- King Kong!
I wuv ya!
(laughter)
- Well we are happy
that you're happy.
- Woo listen,
everything's going for me.
This morning I put a quarter
in the washing machine,
I got out six quarters and
two pair of lace panties.
(laughter)
When I gave them back
to the guy who owns them
he gave me a
bottle of his cologne.
- Oh you mean that dude in 415!
You know he's a transinvestite.
- Transinvestite, that's funny.
(laughter)
I wish I was dead.
- Dead, I wish I was.
I wish I was.
(laughter)
- Schneider, Schneider,
I don't think she's kidding.
Ginny, what's wrong?
- What's wrong?
What's right.
Do you realize that
Lake Superior is dying?
And Lake Erie is dead.
California's
slipping into the sea
and New York would
like to but it can't afford it.
(laughter)
But what difference
does it make?
The polar ice cap
is creeping down
six inches a year, by
2045 we'll all be annihilated.
- Ginny.
Is something bothering you?
- I'm gonna make us some coffee!
- Not for me.
I have enough trouble sleeping.
- Hot chocolate.
- Oh no, then I sleep.
When I sleep I have
this terrible dream.
- What do ya dream about?
- I dream that I'm at the
bottom of this 200 foot whale.
It's pitch dark and I
yell and I yell for help.
Finally someone drops
a rope with a note on it.
- What does it say?
- Help, I'm at the
bottom of the next whale.
Oh, go on have fun.
I don't wanna spoil...
- No no no Ginny now all
you need is a couple of laughs.
Come on now, just sit down
here I'll tell you some jokes.
I'm the king of the one liners.
- I've heard all
your one liners.
- No, no, I got a
whole brand new bunch
from down at the lodge.
How 'bout a guy meets
a guy on the street.
He sees a fella on
the street and he says,
pardon me sir, have
you seen a cop?
The guy says no, the
fella says stick 'em up.
Two guys, two friends,
they meet in the street.
See they haven't
seen one another.
They meet in the
street and the guys says
gee Freddy, you're looking
sad, what's the matter?
The guy says well, he
says, two weeks ago
my uncle died and
he left me $30,000.
The guy says gee
I'm sorry to hear that.
And he says last week my
aunt died and left me $50,000.
And the guy says gee
I'm sorry to hear that.
And the guy says
this week nothing.
Guy walks into a
psychiatrist office see
and he says hey doctor
what's the matter with me?
Nobody will talk to me, nobody!
Psychiatrist says next!
- Alright Ginny, I
want whatever this is,
I want you to get
it off your chest.
- Some chest.
- Oh boy you can say that again.
Perfectly balanced,
mutually independent, it's a...
- Ginny.
Talk.
- I might as well tell
you, it's about my baby.
- You're pregnant?
- Baby?
- She's 10 years old.
- She got a 10 year old baby.
- Ginny.
- Kind of a surprise huh?
- Honey surprise
is putting it mildly.
We're your friends.
I mean we are good friends.
How come you
never told me before?
- Well at first I didn't
know you well enough.
Then when I did I was afraid to.
See I have this
tendency to get a
little weepy when
I think about her.
(sobbing)
- Schneider, tissue.
- No that's okay I have my own.
I'm so confused!
There must be a dry
one in here some place.
- Are you okay?
- I feel better.
- Oh good.
- I'm glad I told you.
Especially now.
- What do you mean
especially now?
- Well, you see Laurie.
That's her name, Laurie.
She's been staying with
her father since we split up.
- It's George the gambler.
- No, no, no, that's
my first husband.
This is my second husband.
Frank.
He's quiet, steady, regular.
Kinda guy you think of
when you hear the word dull.
He was out of my
life for two months
before I noticed.
Anyway he has this
farm right outside of town.
- Oh, that's where
you go every Sunday
to visit Laurie.
- Well then, I mean why
isn't she staying with you
instead of him?
- Well the deal was that
Frank would keep her
until I could get settled
in a permanent job.
- Oh, well that makes sense.
- So now you're settled,
you have a permanent job...
- And now Frank wants
permanent custody.
- Are you kidding?!
He can't do that I know the law!
I've got a personal friend
who's a notary public!
(laughter)
- The custody
hearing's this Thursday.
It's not gonna be any fun but,
why get you guys involved?
- Ginny come on now.
- Look Ginny, if you need
anything you just ask us.
- Well what can you do?!
- We could be character
witnesses for you.
- What do I need
character witnesses for?
- Well honey if you're
going into a court battle
you might need people
to testify on your behalf.
- Yeah right, we can do that.
So don't you
worry little mother,
you'll get custody of that kid.
- Get custody?!
I don't want custody!
I want Frank to keep her.
(applause)
- You mean you're turning
down your own flesh and blood?
- Yeah, that's me, Ma Barker.
- Oh no, not Ma Barker.
I mean she was
loyal to her kids.
That's why they
were so successful.
- Schneider would you
just let her talk please?
- Schneider is talking now.
Ginny.
I just wanna remind you
of the sanctitude
of motherhood huh?
I mean 8 million
American men did not
go off to fight a war
for dad's apple pie.
- Oh Schneider.
- Miss Romano.
Now Ginny, up there in that
big delivery room in the sky,
there's a lot of
wonderful mother's
looking down on you now huh.
Molly Goldberg.
Ma Perkins.
Mother Cabrini.
And they're all saying
Ginny Wrobliki don't do it.
- Dwayne, way up here
in this big apartment house
in the sky there must
be a leaky faucet.
- A worn out washer,
a stopped up sink...
- Yeah go find it.
- Alright, okay okay,
it's women's talk
and I'm excluded.
Okay I'm leaving.
But before I go,
I just wanna leave
you with one thought.
♪ M is for the million
things she gave me
♪ O means only
that she's growing old
♪ T is for tears ♪
Were shed to save me
(applause)
♪ H is for - Get out of here!
- Ginny, hey come
on sit down huh?
Let's take this whole
thing from the beginning.
- You think I'm
rejecting Laurie.
- [Ann] No I never said that.
- Well I'm not.
Gee you should have seen
her when she was a baby.
She was amazing.
She looked like
a little pink eclair.
I love that kid.
But she's better off with Frank.
I can't hack motherhood.
And Laurie knows that.
Whenever we're
together, after a while,
she's uncomfortable,
I'm uncomfortable.
It just doesn't work.
- Give me a for instance.
- Well when I go to
the farm I tag along
after Frank and Laurie
while they do their chores.
Today I watched them
build a rabbit hutch.
I don't think those
critters liked my coat.
And Laurie said let's
go get some fresh milk
and I headed for the supermarket
and she headed for the cow.
- So you're not a farm girl.
- Well I'd say.
She tried to get
me to milk the cow.
I reach out to
touch the, you know.
- I know.
- It was alive.
(laughter)
- Ginny, listen.
I don't know one end of
the cow from the other.
- The end that slaps
the flies is a tail.
Oh Ann, I always disappoint her.
We went for a
walk in the north 40
and my slingbacks
got stuck in the mud.
I hope it's mud.
- Ginny, why does this
make you a bad mother?
- Oh it's not just the farm.
It's the same thing
when she comes to town.
We run out of conversation
and I end up taking her and
her pet snake to the movies.
And I get upset with
myself, angry with her,
the snake hisses at me.
That's no way to be a mother.
- Oh Ginny!
Who says?
The girls and I,
we fight all the time.
And about twice a month
I wanna sue the hospital
for giving me the right kids.
- Oh come on.
- No I mean it really.
Barbara and Julie, I had
them before I knew what hit me.
You know how
much I love those kids
but I tell ya
sometimes I just wanna
bolt from the responsibility.
- We did it mom, we
pierced our noses.
- That looks terrific,
that really looks great.
I like that, I'm
gonna take a picture.
You know how your father's
always bugging
me for photographs.
- Ma come on, $10
each, that's all it costs.
Don't we mean that much to you?
- No.
- What's going on?
- Mom won't let us
get our ears pierced.
- Well pierce them yourselves,
all you need is a
needle, some ice,
got the potato right here.
- Ginny I..
Ginny Ginny, no I told
them they couldn't do that.
Ginny it's not
sanitary, it's not safe.
- Oh.
Well I tell you what.
Why don't I lend you the money,
you go down to the
department store...
- Ginny.
- Wrong again huh?
- Alright, we'll pay
for them ourselves.
- But I was hoping I
wouldn't have to break a 50.
(laughter)
- [Ann] By girls.
- [Girls] Bye.
- There go the two greatest
con artists in Indianapolis.
- Now you see what I mean?
I can't even handle a
simple thing like ear piercing.
I don't think like a mother.
I don't feel like a mother.
I never planned on having
a baby in the first place.
The whole thing started out
as a friendly gesture to Frank.
(laughter)
- Ginny.
I wanna get this
whole thing clear okay.
I'm not quite sure.
Now you really want
Frank to have Laurie.
Huh?
- Yes.
- Is Frank a good father?
- The best.
- Is Laurie happy with him?
- Is The Captain
happy with Tennille?
- I just don't understand.
Frank wants Laurie,
Laurie wants to be with him,
you want him to have
her, what's the problem?
- The problem is me.
Every mother should
wanna be a mother.
I'm not natural.
- Ginny, come on,
now don't be ridiculous.
Now not every woman
is cut out to be a mother!
- Every time I
pass a mirror I say
"There goes Ginny Wrobliki.
"She gave her kid away."
- Ginny, look at me.
Now ever since we
were born, we have had it
drummed into our
heads that the ultimate
proof of womanhood
is to be a mother.
If you're not a
mother, you're nothing.
You're not nothing Ginny,
you're a terrific woman.
- Oh yeah.
I'm pretty terrific.
- Hey, stop tearing
yourself apart.
Now hopefully here,
what you want is the
best thing for Laurie.
Right?
- Right, right.
- Well, you're giving
Laurie a good mother.
Her father.
- Are you two through with
your women to women's talk?
- [Ginny] Why?
- Did you straighten her out?
- Schneider.
- Good, alright now then.
We have got a small
problem little mother.
Yeah, he's here.
- Who?
- The bum who's
trying to take your child
away from you, that's who.
- Frank?
- You want me to show
him in or punch him out?
- Frank, in here.
- Alright, I'm leaving, I'll go.
♪ Put them all together
they spell mother
♪ A word that means
♪ The world to me
- Frank, this is my
friend Ann Romano.
- Oh hi.
- [Ann] Hi.
- Ginny, there's
something important
that I've got to
talk to you about.
- Oh!
You wanna be alone.
Sure, I'll go in the next room.
- No!
Ann, please stay.
- Frank, I have to talk to you.
I've been doing a lot of
thinking about Laurie and...
- Yes, well what do you
think I've been doing?
And the more I think about it,
the more I'm convinced that
there's no point in us
fighting over this in court.
- So I want you...
- That's exactly what I thought.
Now this is...
- Ginny, Ginny please!
For once in our life,
let me finish a sentence.
- Of course.
- Now I've given
this a lot of thought...
- When did I ever stop you
from finishing a sentence?
I'm sorry, go on.
- Now listen to me because...
- Seriously, when did I?
(laughter)
- Ginny, I want you to
have custody of Laurie.
- But you said you...
- I know, I know what I said.
But everybody that I talk
to says the same thing.
That a child should be
with her mother and...
- Well what a
lousy thing to say.
(laughter)
- [Frank] Huh?
- You know what
your trouble is Frank?
You're hung up on tradition.
- What are you talking about?
- Ever since you've
been a little boy
you've had it
drilled into your head
that every woman is
supposed to be a terrific mother.
- No, no, no, Ginny,
you're not listening to me.
You see, that's another
one of our problems.
She never listens to me.
Ginny, I want Laurie
to be with her mother.
- And I want Laurie to be
with the best parent she has.
You.
- Oh Ginny, don't you love her?
- Oh Frank, of course I do.
But what kind of a
mother would I make?
I'm up all night, I
go to bed at sunrise.
The only one who wants a
mother like that is Bela Lugosi.
- Now Ginny...
- Don't interrupt!
- I'm sorry.
- Would I be capable
of preparing the hot
nourishing meals a growing
girl's supposed to have?
I never did.
I took Laurie to
Kentucky Fried Chicken
so many times she
called the Colonel daddy.
- But a child needs her...
- You're interrupting again.
- I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I forgot.
- Now Frank, we're not
talking about any child.
We're talking about Laurie.
And what Laurie needs is you.
You understand her,
you have the patience.
She listens to you,
she respects you.
And you sew better than I do.
(laughter)
- But it's not right.
It just doesn't seem...
- Frank, you do want her?
- Of course I want her.
- Then it's right.
- You're sure?
- I'm sure.
- Ginny, you're one
hell of an ex-wife.
And listen, don't just
come out on Sundays.
Come anytime you want.
And stay as long as you want.
- Thanks Frank.
Frank, would you do me a favor?
- Oh sure.
- Well some time
when Laurie isn't around
could you teach
me to milk a cow?
- Oh of course.
Grab one thumb and pull...
- Not now, not now.
- Sorry.
Ginny thanks.
I mean it.
I...
Bye Ginny.
- Bye Frank.
Goodbye Mrs. Romano.
- Ann.
- Ann.
- [Ann] Yeah.
Bye Frank.
- I did the right thing?
- I think you did.
- Ginny, you did
the right thing.
(applause)
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] One Day
At A Time was recorded
live on tape before
a studio audience.
(upbeat music)
♪ This is life, the one you get
♪ So go and have a ball
♪ This is it, this is it
♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured
♪ You can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here, enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doin' what you do
♪ Hold on tight
we'll muddle through
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ So up on your
feet, up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ We'll just take
it like it comes
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a time, la da da da
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a time, la da da da
♪ One day at a time
- Let's see, cotton swabs,
needle, disinfectant.
- Will you stop coming
on like Medical Center?
You're just piercing my
ears, not doing brain surgery.
- That's good.
At least you have ears.
So what else do I need?
Ice cubes, a potato!
- A potato, you've
got to be kidding.
What do you need a potato for?
- I'll show you.
Darling, it's definitely you.
- What's with the potato?
- You gotta have
something to stop the needle
after it goes through your ear.
What do you want,
a hole in your neck?
To match the one in your head?
You're supposed to use a
cork but I couldn't find one.
This oughta work, ow!
- I got a better way
to stop this, like that.
- Chicken!
It's practically painless.
- I don't wanna hear practically,
I want to hear absolutely.
- Come on, we
wanna get this done
before Mom gets home, Moonface.
- Julie!
- Come on, Barbara.
- Okay, how come
we're doing me first?
- I want to find out
how much it hurts.
- That's it.
- Sit still, dear,
this won't hurt a bit.
Nancy Throckmorton
lived through it.
It's painless, if
you don't faint.
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Mom, hello.
- What's
goin' on?
- Nothing.
- [Both] Nothing,
nothing, nothing,
nothing, nothing.
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
- No.
(giggling)
- [Ann] Excuse me.
Ah, where did this
potato come from?
- Idaho.
(audience laughing)
- Ice cubes, disinfectant,
cotton swabs,
needle and a potato.
Let me guess, you were gonna
make potatoes extraordinaire.
- [Both Girls] Right!
- It's a science project.
- [Both Girls] Right!
- And pierce your ears.
- [Both Girls] Right!
- I thought I told you
girls absolutely, definitely,
you could not
pierce your own ears.
Now you go to a department
store where there's a nurse
and it is done right.
- All right mom,
we'll do it your way.
- But can we have some money?
- Nope!
- That's really rotten, mom.
- Yep!
Any more questions?
- Can we borrow
your charge card?
- [Both Girls] Nope!
- Mom, please.
- Come on, Mom.
- We'll pay you back,
- It costs $10 each!
- [Julie] Mom, we really will.
(Schneider yells)
- You got a moment?
- Schneider, why do
you always bust in here
right in the middle
of an argument?
- Well it's usually the
most interesting time.
I'm a little worried
about something
and I would like to talk to you,
I'd like to talk to you
(foreign language).
- You mean privately?
- Please I said it in French
so the girls wouldn't know.
- Girls, would you mind,
Schneider wants to talk
(speaks foreign language).
- Oh, the Zs are silent, huh?
- Mom, what about our ears?
- Can't we have 'em pierced?
- Yes at a department
store with a nurse's needle.
- You don't have to go
to no department store.
Here, use my letter punch.
(audience laughing)
- You know what
I'm gonna do, Mom?
I'm gonna pierce my nose!
- Oh now you're talking sense!
- [Julie] I know!
- Yeah well, something's
bothering you?
- Well, It's Miss Wrobliki.
She's gone again.
Like she is every
Sunday and I have
no idea where's she's going and
oh I just thought
maybe I can get
the benefit of your thinking.
- Gladly.
I think you ought to
butt out of her business.
- You know Miss
Romano is there's one
thing that I like
about you it's your
supply of ready wit.
I mean the way you
rip off them repasts.
It's really annoying.
- Snooping is
really annoying too.
- Yeah well one man snooping
is another man's neighborliness.
Now don't tell me that
you don't care that Ginny's
been acting mysterious lately.
- Schneider, Ginny's private
life is her own business.
Frankly I just haven't noticed
that she's gone on Sundays.
- Well she is.
Every Sunday
morning, 9 o'clock sharp
she's on that number
32 westbound bus.
- Eastbound.
(laughter)
Yeah alright.
I'm worried too.
Now what really
bothers me about it
is that when she
comes home on Sunday
she's so upset and bothered.
- I know, and she's
usually so lively,
so full of jokes!
I mean when she's
telling them jokes man,
she's almost as
funny as Merv Griffin.
When she gets back
here from wherever
it is she's been it's like she's
been to a funeral.
Who could she know
that dies once a week?
(laughter)
- Schneider we both know
that something's bothering her,
but when she wants
to tell us she'll tell us.
And until then,
we should keep
out of her business.
- You're right.
You're really absolutely right.
It's wrong to spy on people.
Unless you're one
of them hush hush
government CPA guys.
I must admit that
this is exactly the time
that Ginny usually
gets off the bus.
So maybe it won't hurt.
(laughter)
- Schneider.
(doorbell rings)
Come on, put that thing away.
Don't be ridiculous.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Schneider, have
you seen Ginny yet?
- No, she didn't
get off that bus.
I guess...
Hi there!
Why Ginny,
I was just checking
out the big dipper.
- At four in the afternoon?
- Yeah well, that's
when it takes a big dip.
- You okay?
- Oh I'm terrific.
All smiles.
I'm showing more back
teeth than President Carter.
- You look pretty good huh?
- Oh and why not?!
I lost four pounds on
my crash banana diet.
For the last five days I've
eaten nothing but bananas.
I feel light, I feel peppy.
Anytime now I expect
King Kong to propose.
- King Kong!
I wuv ya!
(laughter)
- Well we are happy
that you're happy.
- Woo listen,
everything's going for me.
This morning I put a quarter
in the washing machine,
I got out six quarters and
two pair of lace panties.
(laughter)
When I gave them back
to the guy who owns them
he gave me a
bottle of his cologne.
- Oh you mean that dude in 415!
You know he's a transinvestite.
- Transinvestite, that's funny.
(laughter)
I wish I was dead.
- Dead, I wish I was.
I wish I was.
(laughter)
- Schneider, Schneider,
I don't think she's kidding.
Ginny, what's wrong?
- What's wrong?
What's right.
Do you realize that
Lake Superior is dying?
And Lake Erie is dead.
California's
slipping into the sea
and New York would
like to but it can't afford it.
(laughter)
But what difference
does it make?
The polar ice cap
is creeping down
six inches a year, by
2045 we'll all be annihilated.
- Ginny.
Is something bothering you?
- I'm gonna make us some coffee!
- Not for me.
I have enough trouble sleeping.
- Hot chocolate.
- Oh no, then I sleep.
When I sleep I have
this terrible dream.
- What do ya dream about?
- I dream that I'm at the
bottom of this 200 foot whale.
It's pitch dark and I
yell and I yell for help.
Finally someone drops
a rope with a note on it.
- What does it say?
- Help, I'm at the
bottom of the next whale.
Oh, go on have fun.
I don't wanna spoil...
- No no no Ginny now all
you need is a couple of laughs.
Come on now, just sit down
here I'll tell you some jokes.
I'm the king of the one liners.
- I've heard all
your one liners.
- No, no, I got a
whole brand new bunch
from down at the lodge.
How 'bout a guy meets
a guy on the street.
He sees a fella on
the street and he says,
pardon me sir, have
you seen a cop?
The guy says no, the
fella says stick 'em up.
Two guys, two friends,
they meet in the street.
See they haven't
seen one another.
They meet in the
street and the guys says
gee Freddy, you're looking
sad, what's the matter?
The guy says well, he
says, two weeks ago
my uncle died and
he left me $30,000.
The guy says gee
I'm sorry to hear that.
And he says last week my
aunt died and left me $50,000.
And the guy says gee
I'm sorry to hear that.
And the guy says
this week nothing.
Guy walks into a
psychiatrist office see
and he says hey doctor
what's the matter with me?
Nobody will talk to me, nobody!
Psychiatrist says next!
- Alright Ginny, I
want whatever this is,
I want you to get
it off your chest.
- Some chest.
- Oh boy you can say that again.
Perfectly balanced,
mutually independent, it's a...
- Ginny.
Talk.
- I might as well tell
you, it's about my baby.
- You're pregnant?
- Baby?
- She's 10 years old.
- She got a 10 year old baby.
- Ginny.
- Kind of a surprise huh?
- Honey surprise
is putting it mildly.
We're your friends.
I mean we are good friends.
How come you
never told me before?
- Well at first I didn't
know you well enough.
Then when I did I was afraid to.
See I have this
tendency to get a
little weepy when
I think about her.
(sobbing)
- Schneider, tissue.
- No that's okay I have my own.
I'm so confused!
There must be a dry
one in here some place.
- Are you okay?
- I feel better.
- Oh good.
- I'm glad I told you.
Especially now.
- What do you mean
especially now?
- Well, you see Laurie.
That's her name, Laurie.
She's been staying with
her father since we split up.
- It's George the gambler.
- No, no, no, that's
my first husband.
This is my second husband.
Frank.
He's quiet, steady, regular.
Kinda guy you think of
when you hear the word dull.
He was out of my
life for two months
before I noticed.
Anyway he has this
farm right outside of town.
- Oh, that's where
you go every Sunday
to visit Laurie.
- Well then, I mean why
isn't she staying with you
instead of him?
- Well the deal was that
Frank would keep her
until I could get settled
in a permanent job.
- Oh, well that makes sense.
- So now you're settled,
you have a permanent job...
- And now Frank wants
permanent custody.
- Are you kidding?!
He can't do that I know the law!
I've got a personal friend
who's a notary public!
(laughter)
- The custody
hearing's this Thursday.
It's not gonna be any fun but,
why get you guys involved?
- Ginny come on now.
- Look Ginny, if you need
anything you just ask us.
- Well what can you do?!
- We could be character
witnesses for you.
- What do I need
character witnesses for?
- Well honey if you're
going into a court battle
you might need people
to testify on your behalf.
- Yeah right, we can do that.
So don't you
worry little mother,
you'll get custody of that kid.
- Get custody?!
I don't want custody!
I want Frank to keep her.
(applause)
- You mean you're turning
down your own flesh and blood?
- Yeah, that's me, Ma Barker.
- Oh no, not Ma Barker.
I mean she was
loyal to her kids.
That's why they
were so successful.
- Schneider would you
just let her talk please?
- Schneider is talking now.
Ginny.
I just wanna remind you
of the sanctitude
of motherhood huh?
I mean 8 million
American men did not
go off to fight a war
for dad's apple pie.
- Oh Schneider.
- Miss Romano.
Now Ginny, up there in that
big delivery room in the sky,
there's a lot of
wonderful mother's
looking down on you now huh.
Molly Goldberg.
Ma Perkins.
Mother Cabrini.
And they're all saying
Ginny Wrobliki don't do it.
- Dwayne, way up here
in this big apartment house
in the sky there must
be a leaky faucet.
- A worn out washer,
a stopped up sink...
- Yeah go find it.
- Alright, okay okay,
it's women's talk
and I'm excluded.
Okay I'm leaving.
But before I go,
I just wanna leave
you with one thought.
♪ M is for the million
things she gave me
♪ O means only
that she's growing old
♪ T is for tears ♪
Were shed to save me
(applause)
♪ H is for - Get out of here!
- Ginny, hey come
on sit down huh?
Let's take this whole
thing from the beginning.
- You think I'm
rejecting Laurie.
- [Ann] No I never said that.
- Well I'm not.
Gee you should have seen
her when she was a baby.
She was amazing.
She looked like
a little pink eclair.
I love that kid.
But she's better off with Frank.
I can't hack motherhood.
And Laurie knows that.
Whenever we're
together, after a while,
she's uncomfortable,
I'm uncomfortable.
It just doesn't work.
- Give me a for instance.
- Well when I go to
the farm I tag along
after Frank and Laurie
while they do their chores.
Today I watched them
build a rabbit hutch.
I don't think those
critters liked my coat.
And Laurie said let's
go get some fresh milk
and I headed for the supermarket
and she headed for the cow.
- So you're not a farm girl.
- Well I'd say.
She tried to get
me to milk the cow.
I reach out to
touch the, you know.
- I know.
- It was alive.
(laughter)
- Ginny, listen.
I don't know one end of
the cow from the other.
- The end that slaps
the flies is a tail.
Oh Ann, I always disappoint her.
We went for a
walk in the north 40
and my slingbacks
got stuck in the mud.
I hope it's mud.
- Ginny, why does this
make you a bad mother?
- Oh it's not just the farm.
It's the same thing
when she comes to town.
We run out of conversation
and I end up taking her and
her pet snake to the movies.
And I get upset with
myself, angry with her,
the snake hisses at me.
That's no way to be a mother.
- Oh Ginny!
Who says?
The girls and I,
we fight all the time.
And about twice a month
I wanna sue the hospital
for giving me the right kids.
- Oh come on.
- No I mean it really.
Barbara and Julie, I had
them before I knew what hit me.
You know how
much I love those kids
but I tell ya
sometimes I just wanna
bolt from the responsibility.
- We did it mom, we
pierced our noses.
- That looks terrific,
that really looks great.
I like that, I'm
gonna take a picture.
You know how your father's
always bugging
me for photographs.
- Ma come on, $10
each, that's all it costs.
Don't we mean that much to you?
- No.
- What's going on?
- Mom won't let us
get our ears pierced.
- Well pierce them yourselves,
all you need is a
needle, some ice,
got the potato right here.
- Ginny I..
Ginny Ginny, no I told
them they couldn't do that.
Ginny it's not
sanitary, it's not safe.
- Oh.
Well I tell you what.
Why don't I lend you the money,
you go down to the
department store...
- Ginny.
- Wrong again huh?
- Alright, we'll pay
for them ourselves.
- But I was hoping I
wouldn't have to break a 50.
(laughter)
- [Ann] By girls.
- [Girls] Bye.
- There go the two greatest
con artists in Indianapolis.
- Now you see what I mean?
I can't even handle a
simple thing like ear piercing.
I don't think like a mother.
I don't feel like a mother.
I never planned on having
a baby in the first place.
The whole thing started out
as a friendly gesture to Frank.
(laughter)
- Ginny.
I wanna get this
whole thing clear okay.
I'm not quite sure.
Now you really want
Frank to have Laurie.
Huh?
- Yes.
- Is Frank a good father?
- The best.
- Is Laurie happy with him?
- Is The Captain
happy with Tennille?
- I just don't understand.
Frank wants Laurie,
Laurie wants to be with him,
you want him to have
her, what's the problem?
- The problem is me.
Every mother should
wanna be a mother.
I'm not natural.
- Ginny, come on,
now don't be ridiculous.
Now not every woman
is cut out to be a mother!
- Every time I
pass a mirror I say
"There goes Ginny Wrobliki.
"She gave her kid away."
- Ginny, look at me.
Now ever since we
were born, we have had it
drummed into our
heads that the ultimate
proof of womanhood
is to be a mother.
If you're not a
mother, you're nothing.
You're not nothing Ginny,
you're a terrific woman.
- Oh yeah.
I'm pretty terrific.
- Hey, stop tearing
yourself apart.
Now hopefully here,
what you want is the
best thing for Laurie.
Right?
- Right, right.
- Well, you're giving
Laurie a good mother.
Her father.
- Are you two through with
your women to women's talk?
- [Ginny] Why?
- Did you straighten her out?
- Schneider.
- Good, alright now then.
We have got a small
problem little mother.
Yeah, he's here.
- Who?
- The bum who's
trying to take your child
away from you, that's who.
- Frank?
- You want me to show
him in or punch him out?
- Frank, in here.
- Alright, I'm leaving, I'll go.
♪ Put them all together
they spell mother
♪ A word that means
♪ The world to me
- Frank, this is my
friend Ann Romano.
- Oh hi.
- [Ann] Hi.
- Ginny, there's
something important
that I've got to
talk to you about.
- Oh!
You wanna be alone.
Sure, I'll go in the next room.
- No!
Ann, please stay.
- Frank, I have to talk to you.
I've been doing a lot of
thinking about Laurie and...
- Yes, well what do you
think I've been doing?
And the more I think about it,
the more I'm convinced that
there's no point in us
fighting over this in court.
- So I want you...
- That's exactly what I thought.
Now this is...
- Ginny, Ginny please!
For once in our life,
let me finish a sentence.
- Of course.
- Now I've given
this a lot of thought...
- When did I ever stop you
from finishing a sentence?
I'm sorry, go on.
- Now listen to me because...
- Seriously, when did I?
(laughter)
- Ginny, I want you to
have custody of Laurie.
- But you said you...
- I know, I know what I said.
But everybody that I talk
to says the same thing.
That a child should be
with her mother and...
- Well what a
lousy thing to say.
(laughter)
- [Frank] Huh?
- You know what
your trouble is Frank?
You're hung up on tradition.
- What are you talking about?
- Ever since you've
been a little boy
you've had it
drilled into your head
that every woman is
supposed to be a terrific mother.
- No, no, no, Ginny,
you're not listening to me.
You see, that's another
one of our problems.
She never listens to me.
Ginny, I want Laurie
to be with her mother.
- And I want Laurie to be
with the best parent she has.
You.
- Oh Ginny, don't you love her?
- Oh Frank, of course I do.
But what kind of a
mother would I make?
I'm up all night, I
go to bed at sunrise.
The only one who wants a
mother like that is Bela Lugosi.
- Now Ginny...
- Don't interrupt!
- I'm sorry.
- Would I be capable
of preparing the hot
nourishing meals a growing
girl's supposed to have?
I never did.
I took Laurie to
Kentucky Fried Chicken
so many times she
called the Colonel daddy.
- But a child needs her...
- You're interrupting again.
- I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I forgot.
- Now Frank, we're not
talking about any child.
We're talking about Laurie.
And what Laurie needs is you.
You understand her,
you have the patience.
She listens to you,
she respects you.
And you sew better than I do.
(laughter)
- But it's not right.
It just doesn't seem...
- Frank, you do want her?
- Of course I want her.
- Then it's right.
- You're sure?
- I'm sure.
- Ginny, you're one
hell of an ex-wife.
And listen, don't just
come out on Sundays.
Come anytime you want.
And stay as long as you want.
- Thanks Frank.
Frank, would you do me a favor?
- Oh sure.
- Well some time
when Laurie isn't around
could you teach
me to milk a cow?
- Oh of course.
Grab one thumb and pull...
- Not now, not now.
- Sorry.
Ginny thanks.
I mean it.
I...
Bye Ginny.
- Bye Frank.
Goodbye Mrs. Romano.
- Ann.
- Ann.
- [Ann] Yeah.
Bye Frank.
- I did the right thing?
- I think you did.
- Ginny, you did
the right thing.
(applause)
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] One Day
At A Time was recorded
live on tape before
a studio audience.
(upbeat music)