One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 2, Episode 16 - Schneider Loves Ginny - full transcript
Schneider hopes that Ginny will accept his marriage proposal.
♪ This is it ♪ This is it
♪ This is life, the one you get
♪ So go and have
a ball ♪ This is it
♪ This is it ♪ Straight ahead
♪ And reassured ♪
You can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here ♪ Enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what
you do ♪ Hold on tight
♪ We'll muddle through
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ So up on your feet
♪ Up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ We'll just take
it like it comes
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ Da, da, da, da
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ Da, da, da, da
♪ One day at a time
- Excuse et moi.
Are you all alone?
- Not anymore.
(laughing)
Schneider, do you always
have to use your pass key?
- Ms. Romano,
this is a big building.
If I knocked on every door,
I'd have housemaids knuckles.
- Oh, that explains it.
- Is Ms. Wrobliki here?
- Nope.
- Good.
I want to talk to you alone.
- What about?
- Ms. Romano, would
you sit down please.
(laughing)
Now, then I am gonna
try and put this as, uh,
delicately as I can
under the circumstances.
- Yeah.
- Ms. Romano, do you
still have the hots for me?
(laughing)
You do, darn it, I knew.
- Schneider, I'm gonna
make this as delicate as I can
under the given circumstances.
(raspberry)
- Good.
That's a sign of growth.
Friends?
- Friends.
- Good, Ms. Romano,
I got a secret to tell you
and I don't want
you to tell nobody.
- I promise.
- Keep your voice down.
You can hear right through
these walls, believe me, I know.
(laughing)
I'm gonna ask Ms.
Wrobliki to tie the knot.
- You're gonna ask
Ginny to marry you?
- Well, I ain't talking
about a vasectomy.
(laughing)
- Schneider.
You and Ginny, that's terrific.
Uh, you know, you haven't
known each other very long.
- Well, how long does it take?
I mean, when
it's right, it's right.
I have so much
love for that woman.
We went out to
dinner last night,
candlelight and wine and
holding hands across the pizza.
(laughing)
Her face all rosy from the
reflection of the candlelight
off the pepperoni.
(laughing)
I said to myself,
Dwayne, Dwayne,
don't let this one get away.
- Dwayne.
- She's perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
I mean she's got it all.
She's got looks,
compassion, class.
Do you realize that at
the joint where she works,
she can carry 23 steins
of beer all at once?
(laughing)
I'm talking 23 steins of beer.
- She is a terrific
human person.
- Aw, she's perfect.
Boy, is she gonna be surprised.
You know, maybe I
shouldn't have told you.
You tell a woman,
you tell the world.
- Hi, Ma.
- Hi.
- Hi, Schneider, what's new?
- I'm gonna marry Ms. Wrobliki.
- You're kidding, oh, terrific.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
let me show you.
Look at this, look at this.
- Hey, Schneider,
that is really,
that's a beautiful ring.
- How much did it cost?
- Barbara!
- $550.
- That's personal.
- No, that's wholesale.
(laughing)
- Hi, Mom.
- Hey.
- Schneider, congratulations.
Did you ask Ginny yet?
- How did you know that?
- The garbage man told me.
(laughing)
- Darn that meter maid,
she blabs to everybody.
(laughing)
- Hey, um, Schneider, when
are you gonna ask Ginny?
- Oh, well, see,
tomorrow night I'm having
a big spread down at my place.
I'm having all the guys over,
Beer Belly, Moose
Counts and all the guys
and I want you
people there, too.
- An engagement party?
- Yeah, I want you there
when I pop the question.
- You're gonna ask Ginny
in front of everybody?
- Well, you wouldn't
want to score a touchdown
in an empty stadium would you?
(doorbell rings)
- [Ann] Schneider, I don't
know whether I can, yeah.
- Hello.
- [Together] Hi.
(laughing)
- You found out
about the silicone.
(laughing)
- Hi, Ginny.
- Hello, Dwayne.
I sure had a swell
time last night.
- Yeah, you and me and
the music and holding hands
across the table.
- I burnt my elbow on the pizza.
(laughing)
- Well, see y'all
tomorrow night.
- Bye.
(laughing)
- Hey, Ginny, tell me,
did you and Schneider
have a good time last night?
- Yes.
After dinner we drove up
to the lake in his camper.
- And then what?
- He drained his radiator.
It was overheating, so was he.
But he's really a gentleman.
At least he is with me.
Makes me feel like
I'm unbreakable.
- Well, that's
nice, isn't it Ginny?
- Yes, it is.
Then on the other
hand, there's Grover.
Grover likes to dominate me.
Push me around.
It's kind of cute
coming from a jockey.
(laughing)
What did I come in here for?
Oh, yes, are you going
to Schneider's party?
- Well, yeah, I guess
so, he just asked us.
- I'm wondering whether I
should take a date or not.
(oohing)
- [Together] No.
- Why cramp my style?
I love to play the field.
Men are like peanuts.
I just can't stop at one.
(laughing)
(singing)
- Excuse et moi.
- What are you doing?
I could have been
indecently exposed.
(laughing)
You should always knock.
- Yeah, well, see, if I
knocked on every door
in this building, I'd get
housemaid's knuckles.
- Touche.
(laughing)
- Hey, what's going on?
- Well, I'm making some
hero sandwiches here.
I'm also gonna have an open bar,
all the beer you can drink.
All the beer you
can drink, oh, wow.
Oh, oh, oh, we could
be in a lot of trouble.
- Uh, Schneider,
can I talk to you?
- You sure can, but
I wish you'd blow up
some balloons
while you're talking.
- Yeah, okay.
Schneider, you know, when
you propose to a woman,
that's a very personal moment.
- I know that, would
you blow it up please?
- Yeah, sure.
You know, it's a
romantic moment.
(blowing air)
Intimate.
(blowing air)
Personal.
- Ms. Romano, I got
over a hundred balloons.
(laughing)
- I think it's wonderful
that you want to share this
with all of your friends,
but I think maybe Ginny
would like it if you
proposed to her in private.
- Well, that would
be like not televising
the Super Bowl.
- Now, see, maybe Ginny
would prefer it that way.
- Oh, no, Ginny
is a people person.
- Dwayne, now I want
you to listen to me, okay.
I mean, I know that
Ginny would really
like this better in private.
I mean, you gotta listen to me.
I know, I'm a woman.
- Maybe you're right.
All right.
Okay, I defer to
your opposite sex.
Do another balloon.
Okay, what I'll do is I'll
ask her after the party
when everyone's gone.
- Oh, good.
- I need some more mustard.
(singing)
- Schneider?
Schneider, I'm gonna
ask you something here.
It's hypothetical.
I mean, this is just
supposing, okay?
I mean, this is just
by the wildest chance.
Supposing Ginny says no.
(laughing)
- Ah, Ms. Romano.
Let me, let me put it this way.
Would you say no?
(laughing)
(party music and chattering)
(clapping)
- Well, as our
new president said,
bottoms up you all.
- Oh, Ginny, let me guess.
You are having a good time.
- Oh, honey, I'm having more fun
than Scarlet
O'Hara at a fish fry.
You don't know when
you're a waitress every night,
it's a kick being a
customer for a change.
Oh, miss, one hero
please, hold the pickle,
heavy on the mayo.
Thank you, dear.
- Where's my tip?
- Oh, I'll give you a tip.
Stay away from that sailor.
(laughing)
- Well, there you are my dear.
How about tripping
the light fantastic?
- Well, I'd rather dance.
(laughing)
I mean.
- Well, I can't.
I have to go see Freddy.
He's in the middle of a
joke about an elephant
in a massage parlor.
Or is it a massage
parlor on an elephant?
I can't remember.
(laughing)
- Are we a perfect match?
I mean she already
loves all of my friends.
- Yeah, well, that's Ginny.
She's just naturally friendly.
(Ginny laughing loudly)
- Are you sure I shouldn't
pop the question now?
- Oh, Schneider, I'm
sure, I'm really sure.
I mean, you wouldn't
want all these guys
to have broken hearts would you?
- Yeah, you're right,
that would be cruel.
Come on everybody, there's
plenty of food and drinks,
so chow down and drink up.
(party music playing)
- Freeze child.
- Child?
Now, Mom, you know in 5-1/2
years I'm gonna 21 years old.
- Hold everybody, hold it.
Would you like to
do a little dancing
to some live music.
(cheering)
Ms. Wrobliki, may I have
your presence at the piano?
- Oh, I can't.
- Come on.
I heard about you.
Okay, uh, let me hear your F.
♪ F (playing Chopsticks)
Did your eyes just tingle
when our feet touched?
- Did they ever.
- Ginny, I was gonna ask
you a question later on tonight,
but I think I'm
gonna ask you now.
- Go ahead, ask me now.
- Are you sure Ginny?
It's a big, big question.
- Go ahead.
- Ginny Wrobliki, will you do
me the honor of marrying me?
- No.
- I don't, I don't think
you understood what I,
what I mean there.
I'm asking you if
you'll marry me.
- I heard you,
you're a great kidder.
- I wasn't kidding.
- Neither was I.
- Are you serious?
- Are you serious?
- Am I, you mean serious,
like serious, serious?
No, no.
No, we were playing
together the piano,
so naturally I come up
with the, you're very good.
I had no, I mean, you
really know how to,
you really can, can,
serious, you mean?
No, no, no, no.
Listen, I've gotta
go get some wax.
Tomorrow's Sunday,
I gotta mop that lobby.
I'll be right back.
Listen, there's plenty
of food and there's
plenty to drink, so just
go ahead, keep eating
and keep drinking
and I'll be right back.
You're really very good.
You're good, you play well.
(door slamming)
(clapping)
- We'd certainly
appreciate it Schneider.
It's freezing up here.
- It's snowing in the bathroom.
(laughing)
- All right, thanks, sorry
to have bothered you.
Bye-bye.
- Who'd you call?
- That was Schneider
about the heat.
He said it would
be taken care of.
- Did you have to call mean?
I mean, why did you bother him?
How did he sound?
- One step below the pits.
(laughing)
- That's what I was afraid of.
- Oh, poor Schneider.
It makes me want to cry.
It makes me so sad.
Makes me so hungry.
(laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
- You happen to have a
kick stool and some rope?
(laughing)
I don't need a lot of rope,
just enough to hang
about 125 pounds.
(laughing)
In my obituary
make it 110 pounds.
I don't want my doctor to
know I cheated on my diet.
(laughing)
- Snap out it, snap
out of it, come on.
- Forget the rope.
There isn't anything in
my apartment to tie it to.
Would you happen to
have a horse and a tree?
- Not handy.
- I didn't sleep all
night thinking about
what I did to that poor guy.
- Oh, come on, Ginny,
it wasn't your fault.
I mean, how could
you take a guy seriously
who proposes right in
the middle of Chopsticks?
- I'm no good.
I'm rotten.
I toyed with his feelings.
He's probably down
there now all alone,
fondling his bowling trophies.
(laughing and clapping)
I feel so down.
- Up.
- I love the guy,
but he's a lot of fun,
but so were my two husbands.
I lose all my best
friends by marrying them.
- Ginny, he put you
in a terrible spot.
- Why did he have
to propose to me?
He should have
done the decent thing
and propositioned me.
Maybe I should jump off
the Golden Gate Bridge.
I've never seen San Francisco.
(laughing)
- Well, uh, what do you
plan to wear for that?
You know, I was thinking
maybe that new blue dress
you got at Blocks, you know
the one with the full skirt.
It'll catch the wind so
nice as you drift down
into the water.
- You're not taking
me seriously.
- Right.
Hey, come on, Gin.
Schneider will get over it.
- You think so?
- Of course.
I mean, by now,
he's telling, oh.
He's telling everybody
that he dumped you.
- Thanks, that makes
me feel a lot better.
- Romano.
- Over there, the
worthwhile one.
- Hey, Ms. Romano?
- Yeah.
- You the one that
complain about the heat?
- Yeah.
- Complain, complain, complain.
You Americanos can
never make up your mind.
First you too hot,
then you too cold.
If you too fat, you
want to be thin.
If you too think
you want to be fat.
If you single, you
want to be married.
If you married, you
want to be single.
- Hold it, who are you?
- I'm your new superintendent.
And listen, come Christmas,
forget about the gifts,
just give me the money.
(laughing and clapping)
- New superintendent,
what happened to Schneider?
- Oh, he's quitting.
He's going to Puerto Rico.
(laughing)
- Puerto Rico.
(knocking)
- Who is it?
- [Ann] Ann.
- You'll get your heat.
I sent the guy up.
- [Ann] Uh, can I talk to you?
- All right, come on in.
Make it quick.
I'm leaving on the next tide.
- Puerto Rico, huh?
- Now wait a minute,
must wait a second.
I mean, don't think that this
has anything to do with her.
I just been taking a good
look at my life, you know.
And I been stuck here
in a rut for 14 years.
It's time to move on, time
to make a few changes,
time to have a little fun.
I ain't broke, you know.
I mean, bachelors, we
don't spend money, we save.
We save money.
And we wait.
For the right woman.
Ms. Romano, why did
she have to turn me down?
- Ah, Dwayne, I guess she
just isn't ready for marriage.
- She's ready for marriage,
she's not ready for me.
- Hey, come on.
You are not the first man to
ever be turned down, you know.
- Yeah, but not in
front of the guys.
- Dwayne, she really
likes you very much.
- Oh, yeah, sure, I can tell.
- Dwayne.
- I'm gonna tell you something.
You're gonna find
this hard to believe.
But certain aspects of
my reputation as a lover,
as a big lover, our
slightly over proportioned.
- I know that.
(laughing)
I mean, what I mean is none of
us are completely irresistible.
Hey, I seem to remember
a certain cute little student
nurse in 317 who
kept inviting you in.
- You want to know
the truth about that cute
little student nurse in 317
after the door was closed?
- Oh, no, you don't have to.
- I'll tell you.
She led me into her bedroom.
She got me in bed.
And she practiced
changing sheets.
(laughing and clapping)
You talk about striking out.
(laughing)
Why, when I was
going to high school,
my first dance, you know
who I brought to my first dance?
I brought me and
that's who I took home.
- You know what
to know what I did
at my first three
high school dances?
I ran the spotlight.
- Oh, come on, a cute
little redhead like you,
you must have
had a million dates.
- I wasn't cute and I
wasn't, I wasn't cute.
Look, we all go through
periods of time in our lives
when we feel that
nobody wants us.
- Yeah, but we don't
pretend it was somebody else.
- Ah, you don't have to pretend.
You are somebody.
- Oh, nice try, but
I'm not a dummy.
Ms. Romano, this
is hard for me to say,
but I, I sense that
occasionally there wasn't
a genuine romantic feeling
between you and me continuously.
- Oh, now.
- So what I'm, what
I'm asking you is,
can you be my friend.
- Ooh, yeah, sure, of course.
- All right, then
as a friend, please,
what is it about
me that she hates.
- That's stupid.
- I'm stupid.
- No.
No, you're wonderful
and you're a terrific super.
- I'm talking about me as a man.
Now what is it about
me that turns her off?
- You don't her off.
- Well, why do I turn you off?
- You don't turn me off.
- Well, you said I do.
- No, I didn't
say that, you did.
- Well, what turns you on.
(laughing)
- You're handsome.
- Go ahead.
- You're masculine,
manly, I really, I mean that.
- You believe that?
- Yes, you're masculine
and you're strong, virile.
(laughing)
- Sexy?
(laughing)
- Well, in your own
way you do have
a certain sex
appeal, that's true.
(laughing)
- You really want me, don't you?
(clapping)
- Dwayne.
- [Ginny] Schneider!
- Ginny, hide in the bathroom.
- [Ann] Come on in Ginny.
- Hi, Ann, Dwayne, I
wanted to talk to you.
- You had your chance
sister, and you blew it.
(clapping)
now I have something
going with Ann.
- Ann?
Oh, well, you really move
in fast, don't you squirt?
- Well, I mean, what's
it to you big feet?
I mean, all's fair.
You know what they say.
- Not with this hunk here.
- My hunk now.
- My hunk.
- My hunk.
- Girls, girls.
(clapping)
- Out of the way hunk.
- All right, have at it kids.
- Now listen, sugar, he's mine.
- Well, you didn't want
him anymore, sugar.
- What do you mean I
didn't want him anymore?
I just didn't want
to get married.
Doesn't mean I don't
want to go out with him,
have fun with him.
- How do you know he
wants to go out with you,
have fun with you?
- Ms. Romano will you shut up.
Did you mean that Ginny?
- Oh, Schneider, let's go
bowl a few lines before lunch,
then we can come back
here and tickle the ivories.
- Half a mo.
Well, kid, I know what
you're going through.
But the thing is,
when you play with fire,
smoke gets in your eyes.
So, don't ever forget and
please always remember
that I'm your pal.
(laughing)
Apres vous.
(laughing)
(clapping)
- [Ann] One Day at a
Time was recorded live
on tape before a
studio audience.
(One Day at a Time instrumental)
(Sony Pictures jingle)
♪ This is life, the one you get
♪ So go and have
a ball ♪ This is it
♪ This is it ♪ Straight ahead
♪ And reassured ♪
You can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here ♪ Enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what
you do ♪ Hold on tight
♪ We'll muddle through
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ So up on your feet
♪ Up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ We'll just take
it like it comes
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ Da, da, da, da
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ Da, da, da, da
♪ One day at a time
- Excuse et moi.
Are you all alone?
- Not anymore.
(laughing)
Schneider, do you always
have to use your pass key?
- Ms. Romano,
this is a big building.
If I knocked on every door,
I'd have housemaids knuckles.
- Oh, that explains it.
- Is Ms. Wrobliki here?
- Nope.
- Good.
I want to talk to you alone.
- What about?
- Ms. Romano, would
you sit down please.
(laughing)
Now, then I am gonna
try and put this as, uh,
delicately as I can
under the circumstances.
- Yeah.
- Ms. Romano, do you
still have the hots for me?
(laughing)
You do, darn it, I knew.
- Schneider, I'm gonna
make this as delicate as I can
under the given circumstances.
(raspberry)
- Good.
That's a sign of growth.
Friends?
- Friends.
- Good, Ms. Romano,
I got a secret to tell you
and I don't want
you to tell nobody.
- I promise.
- Keep your voice down.
You can hear right through
these walls, believe me, I know.
(laughing)
I'm gonna ask Ms.
Wrobliki to tie the knot.
- You're gonna ask
Ginny to marry you?
- Well, I ain't talking
about a vasectomy.
(laughing)
- Schneider.
You and Ginny, that's terrific.
Uh, you know, you haven't
known each other very long.
- Well, how long does it take?
I mean, when
it's right, it's right.
I have so much
love for that woman.
We went out to
dinner last night,
candlelight and wine and
holding hands across the pizza.
(laughing)
Her face all rosy from the
reflection of the candlelight
off the pepperoni.
(laughing)
I said to myself,
Dwayne, Dwayne,
don't let this one get away.
- Dwayne.
- She's perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
I mean she's got it all.
She's got looks,
compassion, class.
Do you realize that at
the joint where she works,
she can carry 23 steins
of beer all at once?
(laughing)
I'm talking 23 steins of beer.
- She is a terrific
human person.
- Aw, she's perfect.
Boy, is she gonna be surprised.
You know, maybe I
shouldn't have told you.
You tell a woman,
you tell the world.
- Hi, Ma.
- Hi.
- Hi, Schneider, what's new?
- I'm gonna marry Ms. Wrobliki.
- You're kidding, oh, terrific.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
let me show you.
Look at this, look at this.
- Hey, Schneider,
that is really,
that's a beautiful ring.
- How much did it cost?
- Barbara!
- $550.
- That's personal.
- No, that's wholesale.
(laughing)
- Hi, Mom.
- Hey.
- Schneider, congratulations.
Did you ask Ginny yet?
- How did you know that?
- The garbage man told me.
(laughing)
- Darn that meter maid,
she blabs to everybody.
(laughing)
- Hey, um, Schneider, when
are you gonna ask Ginny?
- Oh, well, see,
tomorrow night I'm having
a big spread down at my place.
I'm having all the guys over,
Beer Belly, Moose
Counts and all the guys
and I want you
people there, too.
- An engagement party?
- Yeah, I want you there
when I pop the question.
- You're gonna ask Ginny
in front of everybody?
- Well, you wouldn't
want to score a touchdown
in an empty stadium would you?
(doorbell rings)
- [Ann] Schneider, I don't
know whether I can, yeah.
- Hello.
- [Together] Hi.
(laughing)
- You found out
about the silicone.
(laughing)
- Hi, Ginny.
- Hello, Dwayne.
I sure had a swell
time last night.
- Yeah, you and me and
the music and holding hands
across the table.
- I burnt my elbow on the pizza.
(laughing)
- Well, see y'all
tomorrow night.
- Bye.
(laughing)
- Hey, Ginny, tell me,
did you and Schneider
have a good time last night?
- Yes.
After dinner we drove up
to the lake in his camper.
- And then what?
- He drained his radiator.
It was overheating, so was he.
But he's really a gentleman.
At least he is with me.
Makes me feel like
I'm unbreakable.
- Well, that's
nice, isn't it Ginny?
- Yes, it is.
Then on the other
hand, there's Grover.
Grover likes to dominate me.
Push me around.
It's kind of cute
coming from a jockey.
(laughing)
What did I come in here for?
Oh, yes, are you going
to Schneider's party?
- Well, yeah, I guess
so, he just asked us.
- I'm wondering whether I
should take a date or not.
(oohing)
- [Together] No.
- Why cramp my style?
I love to play the field.
Men are like peanuts.
I just can't stop at one.
(laughing)
(singing)
- Excuse et moi.
- What are you doing?
I could have been
indecently exposed.
(laughing)
You should always knock.
- Yeah, well, see, if I
knocked on every door
in this building, I'd get
housemaid's knuckles.
- Touche.
(laughing)
- Hey, what's going on?
- Well, I'm making some
hero sandwiches here.
I'm also gonna have an open bar,
all the beer you can drink.
All the beer you
can drink, oh, wow.
Oh, oh, oh, we could
be in a lot of trouble.
- Uh, Schneider,
can I talk to you?
- You sure can, but
I wish you'd blow up
some balloons
while you're talking.
- Yeah, okay.
Schneider, you know, when
you propose to a woman,
that's a very personal moment.
- I know that, would
you blow it up please?
- Yeah, sure.
You know, it's a
romantic moment.
(blowing air)
Intimate.
(blowing air)
Personal.
- Ms. Romano, I got
over a hundred balloons.
(laughing)
- I think it's wonderful
that you want to share this
with all of your friends,
but I think maybe Ginny
would like it if you
proposed to her in private.
- Well, that would
be like not televising
the Super Bowl.
- Now, see, maybe Ginny
would prefer it that way.
- Oh, no, Ginny
is a people person.
- Dwayne, now I want
you to listen to me, okay.
I mean, I know that
Ginny would really
like this better in private.
I mean, you gotta listen to me.
I know, I'm a woman.
- Maybe you're right.
All right.
Okay, I defer to
your opposite sex.
Do another balloon.
Okay, what I'll do is I'll
ask her after the party
when everyone's gone.
- Oh, good.
- I need some more mustard.
(singing)
- Schneider?
Schneider, I'm gonna
ask you something here.
It's hypothetical.
I mean, this is just
supposing, okay?
I mean, this is just
by the wildest chance.
Supposing Ginny says no.
(laughing)
- Ah, Ms. Romano.
Let me, let me put it this way.
Would you say no?
(laughing)
(party music and chattering)
(clapping)
- Well, as our
new president said,
bottoms up you all.
- Oh, Ginny, let me guess.
You are having a good time.
- Oh, honey, I'm having more fun
than Scarlet
O'Hara at a fish fry.
You don't know when
you're a waitress every night,
it's a kick being a
customer for a change.
Oh, miss, one hero
please, hold the pickle,
heavy on the mayo.
Thank you, dear.
- Where's my tip?
- Oh, I'll give you a tip.
Stay away from that sailor.
(laughing)
- Well, there you are my dear.
How about tripping
the light fantastic?
- Well, I'd rather dance.
(laughing)
I mean.
- Well, I can't.
I have to go see Freddy.
He's in the middle of a
joke about an elephant
in a massage parlor.
Or is it a massage
parlor on an elephant?
I can't remember.
(laughing)
- Are we a perfect match?
I mean she already
loves all of my friends.
- Yeah, well, that's Ginny.
She's just naturally friendly.
(Ginny laughing loudly)
- Are you sure I shouldn't
pop the question now?
- Oh, Schneider, I'm
sure, I'm really sure.
I mean, you wouldn't
want all these guys
to have broken hearts would you?
- Yeah, you're right,
that would be cruel.
Come on everybody, there's
plenty of food and drinks,
so chow down and drink up.
(party music playing)
- Freeze child.
- Child?
Now, Mom, you know in 5-1/2
years I'm gonna 21 years old.
- Hold everybody, hold it.
Would you like to
do a little dancing
to some live music.
(cheering)
Ms. Wrobliki, may I have
your presence at the piano?
- Oh, I can't.
- Come on.
I heard about you.
Okay, uh, let me hear your F.
♪ F (playing Chopsticks)
Did your eyes just tingle
when our feet touched?
- Did they ever.
- Ginny, I was gonna ask
you a question later on tonight,
but I think I'm
gonna ask you now.
- Go ahead, ask me now.
- Are you sure Ginny?
It's a big, big question.
- Go ahead.
- Ginny Wrobliki, will you do
me the honor of marrying me?
- No.
- I don't, I don't think
you understood what I,
what I mean there.
I'm asking you if
you'll marry me.
- I heard you,
you're a great kidder.
- I wasn't kidding.
- Neither was I.
- Are you serious?
- Are you serious?
- Am I, you mean serious,
like serious, serious?
No, no.
No, we were playing
together the piano,
so naturally I come up
with the, you're very good.
I had no, I mean, you
really know how to,
you really can, can,
serious, you mean?
No, no, no, no.
Listen, I've gotta
go get some wax.
Tomorrow's Sunday,
I gotta mop that lobby.
I'll be right back.
Listen, there's plenty
of food and there's
plenty to drink, so just
go ahead, keep eating
and keep drinking
and I'll be right back.
You're really very good.
You're good, you play well.
(door slamming)
(clapping)
- We'd certainly
appreciate it Schneider.
It's freezing up here.
- It's snowing in the bathroom.
(laughing)
- All right, thanks, sorry
to have bothered you.
Bye-bye.
- Who'd you call?
- That was Schneider
about the heat.
He said it would
be taken care of.
- Did you have to call mean?
I mean, why did you bother him?
How did he sound?
- One step below the pits.
(laughing)
- That's what I was afraid of.
- Oh, poor Schneider.
It makes me want to cry.
It makes me so sad.
Makes me so hungry.
(laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
- You happen to have a
kick stool and some rope?
(laughing)
I don't need a lot of rope,
just enough to hang
about 125 pounds.
(laughing)
In my obituary
make it 110 pounds.
I don't want my doctor to
know I cheated on my diet.
(laughing)
- Snap out it, snap
out of it, come on.
- Forget the rope.
There isn't anything in
my apartment to tie it to.
Would you happen to
have a horse and a tree?
- Not handy.
- I didn't sleep all
night thinking about
what I did to that poor guy.
- Oh, come on, Ginny,
it wasn't your fault.
I mean, how could
you take a guy seriously
who proposes right in
the middle of Chopsticks?
- I'm no good.
I'm rotten.
I toyed with his feelings.
He's probably down
there now all alone,
fondling his bowling trophies.
(laughing and clapping)
I feel so down.
- Up.
- I love the guy,
but he's a lot of fun,
but so were my two husbands.
I lose all my best
friends by marrying them.
- Ginny, he put you
in a terrible spot.
- Why did he have
to propose to me?
He should have
done the decent thing
and propositioned me.
Maybe I should jump off
the Golden Gate Bridge.
I've never seen San Francisco.
(laughing)
- Well, uh, what do you
plan to wear for that?
You know, I was thinking
maybe that new blue dress
you got at Blocks, you know
the one with the full skirt.
It'll catch the wind so
nice as you drift down
into the water.
- You're not taking
me seriously.
- Right.
Hey, come on, Gin.
Schneider will get over it.
- You think so?
- Of course.
I mean, by now,
he's telling, oh.
He's telling everybody
that he dumped you.
- Thanks, that makes
me feel a lot better.
- Romano.
- Over there, the
worthwhile one.
- Hey, Ms. Romano?
- Yeah.
- You the one that
complain about the heat?
- Yeah.
- Complain, complain, complain.
You Americanos can
never make up your mind.
First you too hot,
then you too cold.
If you too fat, you
want to be thin.
If you too think
you want to be fat.
If you single, you
want to be married.
If you married, you
want to be single.
- Hold it, who are you?
- I'm your new superintendent.
And listen, come Christmas,
forget about the gifts,
just give me the money.
(laughing and clapping)
- New superintendent,
what happened to Schneider?
- Oh, he's quitting.
He's going to Puerto Rico.
(laughing)
- Puerto Rico.
(knocking)
- Who is it?
- [Ann] Ann.
- You'll get your heat.
I sent the guy up.
- [Ann] Uh, can I talk to you?
- All right, come on in.
Make it quick.
I'm leaving on the next tide.
- Puerto Rico, huh?
- Now wait a minute,
must wait a second.
I mean, don't think that this
has anything to do with her.
I just been taking a good
look at my life, you know.
And I been stuck here
in a rut for 14 years.
It's time to move on, time
to make a few changes,
time to have a little fun.
I ain't broke, you know.
I mean, bachelors, we
don't spend money, we save.
We save money.
And we wait.
For the right woman.
Ms. Romano, why did
she have to turn me down?
- Ah, Dwayne, I guess she
just isn't ready for marriage.
- She's ready for marriage,
she's not ready for me.
- Hey, come on.
You are not the first man to
ever be turned down, you know.
- Yeah, but not in
front of the guys.
- Dwayne, she really
likes you very much.
- Oh, yeah, sure, I can tell.
- Dwayne.
- I'm gonna tell you something.
You're gonna find
this hard to believe.
But certain aspects of
my reputation as a lover,
as a big lover, our
slightly over proportioned.
- I know that.
(laughing)
I mean, what I mean is none of
us are completely irresistible.
Hey, I seem to remember
a certain cute little student
nurse in 317 who
kept inviting you in.
- You want to know
the truth about that cute
little student nurse in 317
after the door was closed?
- Oh, no, you don't have to.
- I'll tell you.
She led me into her bedroom.
She got me in bed.
And she practiced
changing sheets.
(laughing and clapping)
You talk about striking out.
(laughing)
Why, when I was
going to high school,
my first dance, you know
who I brought to my first dance?
I brought me and
that's who I took home.
- You know what
to know what I did
at my first three
high school dances?
I ran the spotlight.
- Oh, come on, a cute
little redhead like you,
you must have
had a million dates.
- I wasn't cute and I
wasn't, I wasn't cute.
Look, we all go through
periods of time in our lives
when we feel that
nobody wants us.
- Yeah, but we don't
pretend it was somebody else.
- Ah, you don't have to pretend.
You are somebody.
- Oh, nice try, but
I'm not a dummy.
Ms. Romano, this
is hard for me to say,
but I, I sense that
occasionally there wasn't
a genuine romantic feeling
between you and me continuously.
- Oh, now.
- So what I'm, what
I'm asking you is,
can you be my friend.
- Ooh, yeah, sure, of course.
- All right, then
as a friend, please,
what is it about
me that she hates.
- That's stupid.
- I'm stupid.
- No.
No, you're wonderful
and you're a terrific super.
- I'm talking about me as a man.
Now what is it about
me that turns her off?
- You don't her off.
- Well, why do I turn you off?
- You don't turn me off.
- Well, you said I do.
- No, I didn't
say that, you did.
- Well, what turns you on.
(laughing)
- You're handsome.
- Go ahead.
- You're masculine,
manly, I really, I mean that.
- You believe that?
- Yes, you're masculine
and you're strong, virile.
(laughing)
- Sexy?
(laughing)
- Well, in your own
way you do have
a certain sex
appeal, that's true.
(laughing)
- You really want me, don't you?
(clapping)
- Dwayne.
- [Ginny] Schneider!
- Ginny, hide in the bathroom.
- [Ann] Come on in Ginny.
- Hi, Ann, Dwayne, I
wanted to talk to you.
- You had your chance
sister, and you blew it.
(clapping)
now I have something
going with Ann.
- Ann?
Oh, well, you really move
in fast, don't you squirt?
- Well, I mean, what's
it to you big feet?
I mean, all's fair.
You know what they say.
- Not with this hunk here.
- My hunk now.
- My hunk.
- My hunk.
- Girls, girls.
(clapping)
- Out of the way hunk.
- All right, have at it kids.
- Now listen, sugar, he's mine.
- Well, you didn't want
him anymore, sugar.
- What do you mean I
didn't want him anymore?
I just didn't want
to get married.
Doesn't mean I don't
want to go out with him,
have fun with him.
- How do you know he
wants to go out with you,
have fun with you?
- Ms. Romano will you shut up.
Did you mean that Ginny?
- Oh, Schneider, let's go
bowl a few lines before lunch,
then we can come back
here and tickle the ivories.
- Half a mo.
Well, kid, I know what
you're going through.
But the thing is,
when you play with fire,
smoke gets in your eyes.
So, don't ever forget and
please always remember
that I'm your pal.
(laughing)
Apres vous.
(laughing)
(clapping)
- [Ann] One Day at a
Time was recorded live
on tape before a
studio audience.
(One Day at a Time instrumental)
(Sony Pictures jingle)