One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 2, Episode 14 - J.C. and Julie: Part 2 - full transcript
The reborn Julie brings home a tramp to save.
♪ This is it this
is it ♪ This is life
♪ The one you get ♪
So go and have a ball
♪ This is it this is it
♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured
♪ You can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what you do
♪ Hold on tight
we'll muddle through
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ So up on your
feet ♪ Up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ We'll just take
it like it comes
♪ One day at a time
♪ one day at a time.
♪ One day at a
time ♪ La la la la
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a
time ♪ La la la la
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
- [Narrator] Here are some
scenes from last week's show.
- Uh, your friend, Jeff,
talked about a decision
that you had to make, is it
something I can help with?
- Oh no, Mother.
- What is it you have to decide?
- Whether or not I should
devote my life to God,
whether I should
spend the rest of my life
preaching the Kingdom of God.
- See, the worst part of it
is, I find myself avoiding her.
I feel guilty, I
know it's wrong.
- Honey, I'm a little
embarrassed by it, too,
and I'm a little ashamed
of being embarrassed by it.
- YOu're getting angry, Mother.
Jesus forgives you and so do I.
- Why, thank you, Dear.
- What do you mean?
- I forgive you.
- What do I have
to be forgiven for?
- Well, let's see, for
openers, for being smug,
humorless, intolerant,
unkind, pompous.
Put them all together
they spell a very
unChristian Christian.
(audience cheers)
- Mother, Ginny, meet
my project, Mr. Klaggett.
I'm going to lead him to Jesus.
- [Narrator] And now,
for the conclusion
of Julie's decision.
- Mother, isn't it wonderful.
I hoped and prayed for a
worthwhile Christian project,
and here he is, Mr. Klagget.
(Klaggett coughs)
- Aw Julie, you can't
let that man stay here.
- Mother, he was
sent from heaven.
- Is there any chance
you can return him?
(audience laughs)
- That's a no deposit, no
return if I ever saw one.
- Aw Julie, this
man is a derelict.
- Shh, he'll hear you.
- You mean, he doesn't know?
- Julie, he can't hear
anything, he's out on his feet.
- Testing, one, two,
three. (pops cheek)
- Oh, I'll have
a little of that.
- Mr. Klagget, would
you like to sit down?
- Oh, thank you.
- No, no, not here, not here,
aw, over here, that's right.
Aw, don't worry, Klagget,
with the Lord's help,
we'll soon have you
leading a clean, new life.
- Amen.
- Funny how men are drawn to me.
(audience laughs)
- Oh, my god.
- Mother.
- Sorry, honey, look, I know
you've joined the Lambs of God
and I think that's
wonderful, really,
but you've only been in
the movement for one week.
I mean, I really don't think
that qualifies you for this.
(doorbell rings)
- Excuse me, Mother.
- Yes.
- [Julie] Hello, come in.
- Good evening, Ms. Romano.
- Jesus loves you.
- Yeah, I hope so.
- Mother, you know
Jeff and this is Janet.
- Hello - Hello.
- Nice to see you again.
- Uh, huh.
- Brother, Sister,
where's Cilia?
- She's on another project.
(Klaggett coughs)
- Oh, dear Mr. Klaggett,
he looks so serene.
- Check if he's breathing.
- A true Christian is supposed
to help the least
of his brethren.
- Julie, couldn't you have
started with an easier project,
like establishing world peace?
- That's taken, Celia has it.
(audience laughs)
- Julie, you are
out of your league.
- Mother, you are forgetting,
I am counting on Jesus for help.
- Mm-hm.
- Julie, you can't expect
Jesus to preform miracles.
(audience laughs)
- Yeah, look, okay, this
man needs professional help.
- Well, speaking
as an experienced
cocktail waitress,
what he needs is a.
- Loving care and the Bible.
- And a hair of the
dog that bit him.
Give me that.
- I'll get him a
pillow and a blanket.
- Bless you, Sister.
- Julie, he can not stay here.
- Mother, what do
you want me to do,
throw him back
out into the cold?
- Ms. Romano, search
your heart for love, as He did.
- Well, okay, I did that.
Will you take him back
where you found him?
- In the trashcan?
- Be it ever so humble.
- You know what
this reminds me of?
The story of the holy
family when they were
searching for
shelter in Bethlehem.
- I'm sorry, he goes.
- And everywhere they
went, they were turned out
because of selfishness and fear.
- And stubborn redheads.
(telephone clangs)
- Hello.
(audience laughs)
- Julie, this man
can not stay here.
It is not reasonable,
it isn't safe.
- It isn't sanitary.
- I can't give him spiritual
guidance from a trashcan.
He needs a place to stay.
A good Samaritan
will take him in.
- Oh, I'm sorry, honey,
but I make it a policy
never to bring my
work home with me.
(audience laughs)
- Please, show me the
light, show me the light.
- Hey, I've got that
bulb you wanted.
(audience laughs)
- Thank you, thank you.
Schneider, you are the
answers to my prayers.
- It's only 40 watts.
- Jesus loves you.
- Yeah, she already told me.
- Julie, you can
not ask Schneider.
- Hey, she can ask me anything.
That's what a super is
for to help, excuse me.
Ms. Romano, it's none of
my business, or nothing,
but you got a bum on your couch.
- He's not a bum.
He's a human being
who needs help.
- Yeah, I realize that.
Of course, every family has
something hidden in the closet.
What is he, an uncle?
- No, he is Mr.Klaggett,
Julie brought him home.
He is her Christian project.
- Baptized in Batch 69, huh?
(audience laughs)
- Schneider, could he
please stay at your place?
- Me bunk with a drunk?
(audience laughs)
(KlaggetT coughs)
- Shh, I think he's trying
to tell us something.
- Schneider, how
can you turn your back
on this poor unfortunate?
He has nothing,
you have everything.
(audience laughs)
- Well, I, I certainly
can't deny that.
- Looks, brains, hunk appeal.
(audience laughs)
- Fine, I'll tell you
what we're going to do.
We're going to put him in
a cot in the furnace room.
- Thank you, Schneider.
I'll he needs is a place
to sleep, we'll feed him.
- And give him some clothes.
- And we'll clean him up.
- You better run him
through a car wash.
(audience laughs)
- Mother, please?
- Okay.
- Bless you.
- Come on, Mr. Klaggett.
- I'll help.
- No, no, dear, here let me.
(Klaggett coughs)
- Don't put him too near
the furnace, he may blow up.
(audience laughs)
- You go get the elevator.
- Thank you so much, Schneider.
- Oh, think nothing of it.
If I help this poor soul,
why, maybe I'll earn
a few points in the
big book upstairs.
Are you listening, the name is
Schneider, Dwayne Schneider.
- Home, Dwayne.
- Bless you, bless you.
(audience applauds)
- Here you go, Mr. Klagget.
How about starting
with some juice.
- Juice, yeah.
(audience laughs)
(Klaggett yells)
- [Ann] What's the matter?
- That's juice.
- Of course, it's juice.
- Well, when you said,
did I want some juice,
I thought you meant
juice, this is juice.
- Yeah, aw,
Mr. Klaggett, what a mess.
Oh, okay, look here,
why don't you try,
oh, you made a mess
here, Mr. Klaggett.
- Sorry.
- Here, let me, uh,
uh, uh, all right, here.
Why don't you
start with this, okay?
- Oh.
- It's just pancakes
and here's a little bit
of coffee here, okay.
- Uh, oh.
- Just try a little.
- Okay, okay.
- I mean, I must say you do look
better than you did last night.
- Thanks to your daughter.
Believe me, she's
helping me see the light.
- Yeah, well, I'm glad
about that, Mr. Klagget.
Here, Klaggett, take some, uh.
Here's some syrup, okay?
- All right.
- [Audience Memebers] Ooh!
(audience laughs)
- Ahh!
(Klaggett slirps)
Yep, your kid's really shown
me a whole new outlook on life.
I'll never forget her.
- Good morning.
- [Ann] Good morning, darling.
- Here's my little angel,
good morning, Julie.
- I'm Barbara.
- You changed your name?
- No, I'm Julie's sister.
She told me all about you.
(audience laughs)
- She's a saint, a saint,
I'll never forget her.
She's saving my life.
- Good morning, all,
good morning, Mr. Klaggett.
- Who's this?
- Julie, the unforgettable.
- Jesus loves you.
- That's her.
- [Barbara] Tell me all
about skid row, is it creepy?
- Ohhh, Barbara, here,
why don't you take that?
- All ready for our
morning Bible reading?
- Oh, right, praise the Lord.
(audience laughs)
- Isn't this just wonderful.
Mr. Klaggett is
begging for salvation.
- What's it like to
sleep in a gutter?
- Barbara!
- Uh, why don't you put
something in your mouth?
- All I'm doing
is being friendly.
I mean, if he was a butcher,
I'd ask him about
chickens, but he's a drunk.
- Please, I'm trying
to read my Bible.
- Amen, hallelujah.
Mr. Klaggett, your
manners, Mr. Klaggett.
- [Barbara] Uh, do you
want some more syrup on.
- No, no, I take it
straight, I mean, uh,
this just hits the
spot, thank you.
- Mr. Klaggett, you are
going to be born again.
- Huh?
- Spiritually.
Say it, goodbye
to booze forever.
- Forever?
- Right, say it,
goodbye to booze.
- All right, goodbye, booze.
- Mr. Klaggett!
- Aw, Julie, do you see?
- I know it's going to be
difficult, just give me time.
- [Ann] Aw, Julie,
aw, Julie, look.
(audience laughs)
- [Ann] Barbara?
- [Barbara] Yeah,
what do you want?
- Barbara, have
you seen my keys?
- Well no, did you
look in your purse?
- Well, yes, darling,
I'm looking in my, eh,
if you were a key,
where would you be?
- In Elton John's door.
(audience laughs)
- Door, hey, what a
good idea, door. ta-da!
- Mom, wait, I want you to
meet somebody, Mr. Klaggett.
- Good afternoon,
Ms. Romano, Barbara.
- Klaggett, you're,
um, beautiful.
- Inside and out,
thanks to Julie.
- The Lambs of God chipped in
and we bought him some
clothes at the thrift shop.
I bought him the tie.
- It's very nice.
- Oh, you like it?
- I said it was very nice.
- It's the first time in my life
anyone's ever really
cared about me.
Would you mind if I sat here
for a while and read the Bible?
- Of course not, Mr. Klaggett,
our home is yours.
- [Klaggett] Thank you, Sister.
- Uh, Julie, Barbara,
would you, uh?
- Look, Mr. Connors
called, and I've got
to go down to the office
for a little while, but I.
- Mother, don't worry,
Mr. Klaggett is a new man.
- Well, I, I hope so,
Julie, for your sake.
That's lovely, but it's
only been three days.
- Mother, you're forgetting,
the Lord changed
water into wine instantly.
- That's what worries me.
(audience laughs)
- Water into wine, you know,
Gallo would give a
fortune for that secret.
- Jesus is trying
very hard to love you.
(audience laughs)
- Well, why don't you just let
Him worry about that, okay?
- Please, please, a man can't
hear himself pray around here.
- Ah, look, I'm
going to be gone.
I'm going down to the
office for just a little bit.
I'm only going to
be gone a short time,
just a little time here,
so, if you need anything,
Ginny is right next door.
Short, just a little while.
- Goodbye, Mom.
- Yeah, bye, short time.
- Mr. Klaggett, would you
like something to drink?
- Coffee, tea, Ovaltine?
- No thank you, Sister, I
have found my refreshment.
- Oh, it's so wonderful.
- I'm going to go tell Jeff
and Janet about my triumph.
- Julie, get over here.
No, you're not, I'm going
downstairs to visit Marcy
and you can not
leave him here alone.
You might have found religion,
but you have lost your mind.
Look, talk about leading
him into temptation.
- Barbara, the Lord said
trust your fellow man.
I want to prove
that we trust him.
Mr. Klaggett, we're
going out for a while.
- Go with God, Sister.
- We'll only be gone a couple
of hours, read you're Bible.
- There'll be questions.
(audience laughs)
(bottles rattle)
- Ahh.
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
- [Julie] Hello, sister.
- Hello.
- Where's Mr. Klaggett?
- Gone.
- He probably went
down to the furnace room.
- Try the pawn shop.
- What are you talking about?
- Check the booze.
- The vodka and the
bourbon are gone.
- You're getting warm.
- But why would he
take them and not this?
- Read the label.
- The Christian Brothers
(audience laughs)
- Now, see if you can find
our toaster, our
radio, and our clock.
- Come on, Barbara,
are you trying
to tell me he ripped us off?
- By George, I
think she's got it.
- That's not true, can't be.
- He also took mom's silver
and everything
else except his Bible.
- He didn't rob us.
He went to church,
that's where he is.
- To put our toaster
in the collection plate?
- He didn't rob us, Barbara.
He was sitting here meditating
and some man came in and took
all of our stuff and Mr. Klagget
is out chasing him around.
- Julie.
- Look for signs of a struggle.
- Julie, you tried
something, but it didn't work.
Klaggett robbed us.
- He did not, Barbara.
You call yourself
a true Christian,
accusing a guest in our home,
someone we've known, a friend.
Ginny did it.
- Jesus forgives you.
- Well, I don't mean robbed us,
but you know how she's
always borrowing things.
- [Barbara] I'm going
to call the police.
- No, you're not, Barbara.
He didn't rob us and
we can't call the police.
- He did, why isn't he
here, and where our things?
(telephone rings)
- Hello, Mr. Klaggett.
Well, he certainly wouldn't call
if he had robbed
us, now would he?
- He probably forgot something
and wants us to mail it to him.
(audience laughs)
Mr. Klaggett, what?
Oh, you of little faith.
- He didn't rob us?
- Of course, he
did, but he admits it.
- Barbara, isn't it beautiful?
He wants to repent,
he wants to be saved.
- Where is he?
- In jail.
(audience laughs)
- Mr. Klaggett, yes,
of course, right away.
Yes Mr. Klaggett, Jesus still
loves you and so do I bye-bye.
- Where are you going?
- To jail.
- Are you crazy?
- No, Barbara, I'm
not, he needs me.
He wants me to walk the
path to penitence with him.
He needs spiritual
comfort at his weakest hour.
- The man is a thief.
At least now he's a
functioning member of society.
- Barbara, will
you ever believe?
- Hi, who was that?
- Julie.
- Oh, I tell you what a day,
Connors never
let up for a minute.
Where is Julie going?
- She's going.
- It's incredible, you
know, he told me to come
in on Saturday for a
little catch-up work.
I ended up doing 12 pages
of copy, four press releases.
Where's the clock?
On top of that, he had the
unmitigated gall to ask me
to go out and buy his
wife a birthday present.
Where's the toaster?
- That's what I've
been trying to tell you.
- I tell you I thought
today would never end.
- Mom, today is just beginning.
(audience laughs)
- Julie, you brought my Bible.
- Yes, Mr. Klaggett, did
you mean what you said
about finding Jesus at last?
- Every word.
It was beautiful, I called
for him, and he came.
- Just like he said, knock
and the doors shall open,
in a manner of speaking.
- But I'm not all the
way to Jesus yet.
I'll need your help.
- I'll come and pray
with you everyday.
- Bless you, but it's
so difficult to pray
with all these
Godless people here.
Wouldn't it be better if I
came and prayed with you?
I mean, if I wasn't in jail.
- What does jail
matter, Mr. Klaggett?
The truth will make you free.
- Amen, but Sister, a
lie could make me freer.
- A lie?
- Well, just a small one.
If you, or one of the
Lambs of God told them that
you gave me those things
they'd have to drop the charges.
- I couldn't do that.
- Why the hell not?
- [Julie] Mr. Klaggett!
- You could get me out of here.
- Not if I have to lie.
I'll visit you and
I'll pray for you,
but I will not lie for you.
- All right, leave me in here,
but for God sake,
get me a drink.
- No.
- You could sneak it
in in a perfume bottle.
- No.
- In a little rum cake.
- No, no, no!
Mr. Klaggett, that is
all behind you now.
Maybe if we turn
to the Beatitudes.
- Oh, will you knock it off?
- Mr. Klaggett.
- Knock it off, you
sanctimonious little brat.
- What?
- Will you get out of here
and take Jesus with you?
- You said I'd saved you,
that you'd never forget me.
- Well, I'm certainly
going to try.
Boy, are you dumb, kid.
- What are you talking about?
I spent so much time with you.
You ate with us, you
stayed in our home.
- Look kid, nobody asked you
to pull me out of
that garbage can.
- I did it because I love you.
Now, come on, you
can't do this to me.
You can't treat me like this.
- Why don't you just get out
of here and leave me alone?
- All right, nobody
asked me to help you,
but if I hadn't, who would?
God is what you
need, Mr. Klaggett.
God is what you need, He is.
- Hey, take me back to my cell.
She's driving me to drink.
- Come back here.
You can't just walk
away from me like that.
- [Klaggett] Get lost!
- Mr, Klaggett, come
back here, you lousy drunk.
You stupid fool.
I tried so hard to help you,
but you didn't look
past that damn bottle.
Come back here, rotten drunk.
- Julie.
- Mom, please don't, okay.
He never believed,
why didn't he believe?
- Honey, come on, let's go home.
You're not doing
yourself any good here.
- Mom, Mr. Klaggett was right,
this is all
worthless, it's junk.
- Aw, come on, Julie,
what happens here?
You didn't get a miracle
so you want a refund?
- I feel worthless
and I feel cheated.
- You want to know what's
wrong with your faith?
You don't have
enough faith in it.
- I must have been crazy.
What do you do when
something you believe in with all
your heart and soul just
falls apart right in front of you?
- Well, I guess you pick
yourself up, check for bruises,
find out what you did wrong,
and try not to do it again.
- I struck out with
Klaggett, I failed.
- Yeah, at least you
cared, and how do you know
something you did may
not pay off someday?
- Do you think
there's hope for him?
- No one can live without
hope, baby, even Klaggett.
You just hoped a little
too hard and a little too fast.
- Maybe I did.
- You know what I think
the important thing is?
You've got to
hold onto the basic,
the main part of what you found.
I mean, if everyone lived
by what Jesus taught,
the world would be
pretty terrific, right?
- Yeah.
- I guess, maybe that's what
you and I just rediscovered,
and for that,
wacky, if it's at all
possible, I love you even more.
- I love you, Mom.
- Oh, my darling,
let's go home, huh?
- Yeah, let's.
(both laugh)
(audience applauds)
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] One day at
a time was recorded live
on tape for a studio audience.
(upbeat music)
is it ♪ This is life
♪ The one you get ♪
So go and have a ball
♪ This is it this is it
♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured
♪ You can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what you do
♪ Hold on tight
we'll muddle through
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ So up on your
feet ♪ Up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ We'll just take
it like it comes
♪ One day at a time
♪ one day at a time.
♪ One day at a
time ♪ La la la la
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a
time ♪ La la la la
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
- [Narrator] Here are some
scenes from last week's show.
- Uh, your friend, Jeff,
talked about a decision
that you had to make, is it
something I can help with?
- Oh no, Mother.
- What is it you have to decide?
- Whether or not I should
devote my life to God,
whether I should
spend the rest of my life
preaching the Kingdom of God.
- See, the worst part of it
is, I find myself avoiding her.
I feel guilty, I
know it's wrong.
- Honey, I'm a little
embarrassed by it, too,
and I'm a little ashamed
of being embarrassed by it.
- YOu're getting angry, Mother.
Jesus forgives you and so do I.
- Why, thank you, Dear.
- What do you mean?
- I forgive you.
- What do I have
to be forgiven for?
- Well, let's see, for
openers, for being smug,
humorless, intolerant,
unkind, pompous.
Put them all together
they spell a very
unChristian Christian.
(audience cheers)
- Mother, Ginny, meet
my project, Mr. Klaggett.
I'm going to lead him to Jesus.
- [Narrator] And now,
for the conclusion
of Julie's decision.
- Mother, isn't it wonderful.
I hoped and prayed for a
worthwhile Christian project,
and here he is, Mr. Klagget.
(Klaggett coughs)
- Aw Julie, you can't
let that man stay here.
- Mother, he was
sent from heaven.
- Is there any chance
you can return him?
(audience laughs)
- That's a no deposit, no
return if I ever saw one.
- Aw Julie, this
man is a derelict.
- Shh, he'll hear you.
- You mean, he doesn't know?
- Julie, he can't hear
anything, he's out on his feet.
- Testing, one, two,
three. (pops cheek)
- Oh, I'll have
a little of that.
- Mr. Klagget, would
you like to sit down?
- Oh, thank you.
- No, no, not here, not here,
aw, over here, that's right.
Aw, don't worry, Klagget,
with the Lord's help,
we'll soon have you
leading a clean, new life.
- Amen.
- Funny how men are drawn to me.
(audience laughs)
- Oh, my god.
- Mother.
- Sorry, honey, look, I know
you've joined the Lambs of God
and I think that's
wonderful, really,
but you've only been in
the movement for one week.
I mean, I really don't think
that qualifies you for this.
(doorbell rings)
- Excuse me, Mother.
- Yes.
- [Julie] Hello, come in.
- Good evening, Ms. Romano.
- Jesus loves you.
- Yeah, I hope so.
- Mother, you know
Jeff and this is Janet.
- Hello - Hello.
- Nice to see you again.
- Uh, huh.
- Brother, Sister,
where's Cilia?
- She's on another project.
(Klaggett coughs)
- Oh, dear Mr. Klaggett,
he looks so serene.
- Check if he's breathing.
- A true Christian is supposed
to help the least
of his brethren.
- Julie, couldn't you have
started with an easier project,
like establishing world peace?
- That's taken, Celia has it.
(audience laughs)
- Julie, you are
out of your league.
- Mother, you are forgetting,
I am counting on Jesus for help.
- Mm-hm.
- Julie, you can't expect
Jesus to preform miracles.
(audience laughs)
- Yeah, look, okay, this
man needs professional help.
- Well, speaking
as an experienced
cocktail waitress,
what he needs is a.
- Loving care and the Bible.
- And a hair of the
dog that bit him.
Give me that.
- I'll get him a
pillow and a blanket.
- Bless you, Sister.
- Julie, he can not stay here.
- Mother, what do
you want me to do,
throw him back
out into the cold?
- Ms. Romano, search
your heart for love, as He did.
- Well, okay, I did that.
Will you take him back
where you found him?
- In the trashcan?
- Be it ever so humble.
- You know what
this reminds me of?
The story of the holy
family when they were
searching for
shelter in Bethlehem.
- I'm sorry, he goes.
- And everywhere they
went, they were turned out
because of selfishness and fear.
- And stubborn redheads.
(telephone clangs)
- Hello.
(audience laughs)
- Julie, this man
can not stay here.
It is not reasonable,
it isn't safe.
- It isn't sanitary.
- I can't give him spiritual
guidance from a trashcan.
He needs a place to stay.
A good Samaritan
will take him in.
- Oh, I'm sorry, honey,
but I make it a policy
never to bring my
work home with me.
(audience laughs)
- Please, show me the
light, show me the light.
- Hey, I've got that
bulb you wanted.
(audience laughs)
- Thank you, thank you.
Schneider, you are the
answers to my prayers.
- It's only 40 watts.
- Jesus loves you.
- Yeah, she already told me.
- Julie, you can
not ask Schneider.
- Hey, she can ask me anything.
That's what a super is
for to help, excuse me.
Ms. Romano, it's none of
my business, or nothing,
but you got a bum on your couch.
- He's not a bum.
He's a human being
who needs help.
- Yeah, I realize that.
Of course, every family has
something hidden in the closet.
What is he, an uncle?
- No, he is Mr.Klaggett,
Julie brought him home.
He is her Christian project.
- Baptized in Batch 69, huh?
(audience laughs)
- Schneider, could he
please stay at your place?
- Me bunk with a drunk?
(audience laughs)
(KlaggetT coughs)
- Shh, I think he's trying
to tell us something.
- Schneider, how
can you turn your back
on this poor unfortunate?
He has nothing,
you have everything.
(audience laughs)
- Well, I, I certainly
can't deny that.
- Looks, brains, hunk appeal.
(audience laughs)
- Fine, I'll tell you
what we're going to do.
We're going to put him in
a cot in the furnace room.
- Thank you, Schneider.
I'll he needs is a place
to sleep, we'll feed him.
- And give him some clothes.
- And we'll clean him up.
- You better run him
through a car wash.
(audience laughs)
- Mother, please?
- Okay.
- Bless you.
- Come on, Mr. Klaggett.
- I'll help.
- No, no, dear, here let me.
(Klaggett coughs)
- Don't put him too near
the furnace, he may blow up.
(audience laughs)
- You go get the elevator.
- Thank you so much, Schneider.
- Oh, think nothing of it.
If I help this poor soul,
why, maybe I'll earn
a few points in the
big book upstairs.
Are you listening, the name is
Schneider, Dwayne Schneider.
- Home, Dwayne.
- Bless you, bless you.
(audience applauds)
- Here you go, Mr. Klagget.
How about starting
with some juice.
- Juice, yeah.
(audience laughs)
(Klaggett yells)
- [Ann] What's the matter?
- That's juice.
- Of course, it's juice.
- Well, when you said,
did I want some juice,
I thought you meant
juice, this is juice.
- Yeah, aw,
Mr. Klaggett, what a mess.
Oh, okay, look here,
why don't you try,
oh, you made a mess
here, Mr. Klaggett.
- Sorry.
- Here, let me, uh,
uh, uh, all right, here.
Why don't you
start with this, okay?
- Oh.
- It's just pancakes
and here's a little bit
of coffee here, okay.
- Uh, oh.
- Just try a little.
- Okay, okay.
- I mean, I must say you do look
better than you did last night.
- Thanks to your daughter.
Believe me, she's
helping me see the light.
- Yeah, well, I'm glad
about that, Mr. Klagget.
Here, Klaggett, take some, uh.
Here's some syrup, okay?
- All right.
- [Audience Memebers] Ooh!
(audience laughs)
- Ahh!
(Klaggett slirps)
Yep, your kid's really shown
me a whole new outlook on life.
I'll never forget her.
- Good morning.
- [Ann] Good morning, darling.
- Here's my little angel,
good morning, Julie.
- I'm Barbara.
- You changed your name?
- No, I'm Julie's sister.
She told me all about you.
(audience laughs)
- She's a saint, a saint,
I'll never forget her.
She's saving my life.
- Good morning, all,
good morning, Mr. Klaggett.
- Who's this?
- Julie, the unforgettable.
- Jesus loves you.
- That's her.
- [Barbara] Tell me all
about skid row, is it creepy?
- Ohhh, Barbara, here,
why don't you take that?
- All ready for our
morning Bible reading?
- Oh, right, praise the Lord.
(audience laughs)
- Isn't this just wonderful.
Mr. Klaggett is
begging for salvation.
- What's it like to
sleep in a gutter?
- Barbara!
- Uh, why don't you put
something in your mouth?
- All I'm doing
is being friendly.
I mean, if he was a butcher,
I'd ask him about
chickens, but he's a drunk.
- Please, I'm trying
to read my Bible.
- Amen, hallelujah.
Mr. Klaggett, your
manners, Mr. Klaggett.
- [Barbara] Uh, do you
want some more syrup on.
- No, no, I take it
straight, I mean, uh,
this just hits the
spot, thank you.
- Mr. Klaggett, you are
going to be born again.
- Huh?
- Spiritually.
Say it, goodbye
to booze forever.
- Forever?
- Right, say it,
goodbye to booze.
- All right, goodbye, booze.
- Mr. Klaggett!
- Aw, Julie, do you see?
- I know it's going to be
difficult, just give me time.
- [Ann] Aw, Julie,
aw, Julie, look.
(audience laughs)
- [Ann] Barbara?
- [Barbara] Yeah,
what do you want?
- Barbara, have
you seen my keys?
- Well no, did you
look in your purse?
- Well, yes, darling,
I'm looking in my, eh,
if you were a key,
where would you be?
- In Elton John's door.
(audience laughs)
- Door, hey, what a
good idea, door. ta-da!
- Mom, wait, I want you to
meet somebody, Mr. Klaggett.
- Good afternoon,
Ms. Romano, Barbara.
- Klaggett, you're,
um, beautiful.
- Inside and out,
thanks to Julie.
- The Lambs of God chipped in
and we bought him some
clothes at the thrift shop.
I bought him the tie.
- It's very nice.
- Oh, you like it?
- I said it was very nice.
- It's the first time in my life
anyone's ever really
cared about me.
Would you mind if I sat here
for a while and read the Bible?
- Of course not, Mr. Klaggett,
our home is yours.
- [Klaggett] Thank you, Sister.
- Uh, Julie, Barbara,
would you, uh?
- Look, Mr. Connors
called, and I've got
to go down to the office
for a little while, but I.
- Mother, don't worry,
Mr. Klaggett is a new man.
- Well, I, I hope so,
Julie, for your sake.
That's lovely, but it's
only been three days.
- Mother, you're forgetting,
the Lord changed
water into wine instantly.
- That's what worries me.
(audience laughs)
- Water into wine, you know,
Gallo would give a
fortune for that secret.
- Jesus is trying
very hard to love you.
(audience laughs)
- Well, why don't you just let
Him worry about that, okay?
- Please, please, a man can't
hear himself pray around here.
- Ah, look, I'm
going to be gone.
I'm going down to the
office for just a little bit.
I'm only going to
be gone a short time,
just a little time here,
so, if you need anything,
Ginny is right next door.
Short, just a little while.
- Goodbye, Mom.
- Yeah, bye, short time.
- Mr. Klaggett, would you
like something to drink?
- Coffee, tea, Ovaltine?
- No thank you, Sister, I
have found my refreshment.
- Oh, it's so wonderful.
- I'm going to go tell Jeff
and Janet about my triumph.
- Julie, get over here.
No, you're not, I'm going
downstairs to visit Marcy
and you can not
leave him here alone.
You might have found religion,
but you have lost your mind.
Look, talk about leading
him into temptation.
- Barbara, the Lord said
trust your fellow man.
I want to prove
that we trust him.
Mr. Klaggett, we're
going out for a while.
- Go with God, Sister.
- We'll only be gone a couple
of hours, read you're Bible.
- There'll be questions.
(audience laughs)
(bottles rattle)
- Ahh.
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
- [Julie] Hello, sister.
- Hello.
- Where's Mr. Klaggett?
- Gone.
- He probably went
down to the furnace room.
- Try the pawn shop.
- What are you talking about?
- Check the booze.
- The vodka and the
bourbon are gone.
- You're getting warm.
- But why would he
take them and not this?
- Read the label.
- The Christian Brothers
(audience laughs)
- Now, see if you can find
our toaster, our
radio, and our clock.
- Come on, Barbara,
are you trying
to tell me he ripped us off?
- By George, I
think she's got it.
- That's not true, can't be.
- He also took mom's silver
and everything
else except his Bible.
- He didn't rob us.
He went to church,
that's where he is.
- To put our toaster
in the collection plate?
- He didn't rob us, Barbara.
He was sitting here meditating
and some man came in and took
all of our stuff and Mr. Klagget
is out chasing him around.
- Julie.
- Look for signs of a struggle.
- Julie, you tried
something, but it didn't work.
Klaggett robbed us.
- He did not, Barbara.
You call yourself
a true Christian,
accusing a guest in our home,
someone we've known, a friend.
Ginny did it.
- Jesus forgives you.
- Well, I don't mean robbed us,
but you know how she's
always borrowing things.
- [Barbara] I'm going
to call the police.
- No, you're not, Barbara.
He didn't rob us and
we can't call the police.
- He did, why isn't he
here, and where our things?
(telephone rings)
- Hello, Mr. Klaggett.
Well, he certainly wouldn't call
if he had robbed
us, now would he?
- He probably forgot something
and wants us to mail it to him.
(audience laughs)
Mr. Klaggett, what?
Oh, you of little faith.
- He didn't rob us?
- Of course, he
did, but he admits it.
- Barbara, isn't it beautiful?
He wants to repent,
he wants to be saved.
- Where is he?
- In jail.
(audience laughs)
- Mr. Klaggett, yes,
of course, right away.
Yes Mr. Klaggett, Jesus still
loves you and so do I bye-bye.
- Where are you going?
- To jail.
- Are you crazy?
- No, Barbara, I'm
not, he needs me.
He wants me to walk the
path to penitence with him.
He needs spiritual
comfort at his weakest hour.
- The man is a thief.
At least now he's a
functioning member of society.
- Barbara, will
you ever believe?
- Hi, who was that?
- Julie.
- Oh, I tell you what a day,
Connors never
let up for a minute.
Where is Julie going?
- She's going.
- It's incredible, you
know, he told me to come
in on Saturday for a
little catch-up work.
I ended up doing 12 pages
of copy, four press releases.
Where's the clock?
On top of that, he had the
unmitigated gall to ask me
to go out and buy his
wife a birthday present.
Where's the toaster?
- That's what I've
been trying to tell you.
- I tell you I thought
today would never end.
- Mom, today is just beginning.
(audience laughs)
- Julie, you brought my Bible.
- Yes, Mr. Klaggett, did
you mean what you said
about finding Jesus at last?
- Every word.
It was beautiful, I called
for him, and he came.
- Just like he said, knock
and the doors shall open,
in a manner of speaking.
- But I'm not all the
way to Jesus yet.
I'll need your help.
- I'll come and pray
with you everyday.
- Bless you, but it's
so difficult to pray
with all these
Godless people here.
Wouldn't it be better if I
came and prayed with you?
I mean, if I wasn't in jail.
- What does jail
matter, Mr. Klaggett?
The truth will make you free.
- Amen, but Sister, a
lie could make me freer.
- A lie?
- Well, just a small one.
If you, or one of the
Lambs of God told them that
you gave me those things
they'd have to drop the charges.
- I couldn't do that.
- Why the hell not?
- [Julie] Mr. Klaggett!
- You could get me out of here.
- Not if I have to lie.
I'll visit you and
I'll pray for you,
but I will not lie for you.
- All right, leave me in here,
but for God sake,
get me a drink.
- No.
- You could sneak it
in in a perfume bottle.
- No.
- In a little rum cake.
- No, no, no!
Mr. Klaggett, that is
all behind you now.
Maybe if we turn
to the Beatitudes.
- Oh, will you knock it off?
- Mr. Klaggett.
- Knock it off, you
sanctimonious little brat.
- What?
- Will you get out of here
and take Jesus with you?
- You said I'd saved you,
that you'd never forget me.
- Well, I'm certainly
going to try.
Boy, are you dumb, kid.
- What are you talking about?
I spent so much time with you.
You ate with us, you
stayed in our home.
- Look kid, nobody asked you
to pull me out of
that garbage can.
- I did it because I love you.
Now, come on, you
can't do this to me.
You can't treat me like this.
- Why don't you just get out
of here and leave me alone?
- All right, nobody
asked me to help you,
but if I hadn't, who would?
God is what you
need, Mr. Klaggett.
God is what you need, He is.
- Hey, take me back to my cell.
She's driving me to drink.
- Come back here.
You can't just walk
away from me like that.
- [Klaggett] Get lost!
- Mr, Klaggett, come
back here, you lousy drunk.
You stupid fool.
I tried so hard to help you,
but you didn't look
past that damn bottle.
Come back here, rotten drunk.
- Julie.
- Mom, please don't, okay.
He never believed,
why didn't he believe?
- Honey, come on, let's go home.
You're not doing
yourself any good here.
- Mom, Mr. Klaggett was right,
this is all
worthless, it's junk.
- Aw, come on, Julie,
what happens here?
You didn't get a miracle
so you want a refund?
- I feel worthless
and I feel cheated.
- You want to know what's
wrong with your faith?
You don't have
enough faith in it.
- I must have been crazy.
What do you do when
something you believe in with all
your heart and soul just
falls apart right in front of you?
- Well, I guess you pick
yourself up, check for bruises,
find out what you did wrong,
and try not to do it again.
- I struck out with
Klaggett, I failed.
- Yeah, at least you
cared, and how do you know
something you did may
not pay off someday?
- Do you think
there's hope for him?
- No one can live without
hope, baby, even Klaggett.
You just hoped a little
too hard and a little too fast.
- Maybe I did.
- You know what I think
the important thing is?
You've got to
hold onto the basic,
the main part of what you found.
I mean, if everyone lived
by what Jesus taught,
the world would be
pretty terrific, right?
- Yeah.
- I guess, maybe that's what
you and I just rediscovered,
and for that,
wacky, if it's at all
possible, I love you even more.
- I love you, Mom.
- Oh, my darling,
let's go home, huh?
- Yeah, let's.
(both laugh)
(audience applauds)
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] One day at
a time was recorded live
on tape for a studio audience.
(upbeat music)