One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 2, Episode 13 - J.C. and Julie: Part 1 - full transcript

Julie has found Jesus and is driving everyone crazy.

♪ This is it, this is it

♪ This is life, the one you get

♪ So, go and have a ball

♪ This is it, this is it

♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured

♪ You can't be sure at all

♪ So, while you're
here, enjoy the view

♪ Keep on doing what you do

♪ Hold on tight,
we'll muddle through

♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time

♪ So, up on your
feet ♪ Up on your feet

♪ Somewhere
there's music playing

♪ Don't you worry none

♪ We'll just take
it like it comes

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

♪ One day at a time

(audience laughs)

- Wanna use my key?

- No, no, no, this one's fine.

(audience laughs)

Hey, look at that.

- That's terrific.

- Listen, Ms. Romano,
is Julie home?

- No, I don't think so.

She had a meeting
to go to this afternoon.

- Do you have any idea what
that daughter of yours did?

- What?

- In all my years
as superintendent,

this ain't never
happened to me before.

- I'll pay for it.

- No, no. (audience laughs)

You don't realize.

She wrote me a note, thanking
me for being a super super.

(audience laughs)

- My Julie?

- Yeah.

I'd let you read it, but it's
out being embedded in plastic.

(audience laughs)

Here, I got her a little candy.

Kind of a thank you
for the thank you.

- Well, aren't you nice?

- Yeah, she mentioned that too.

(chuckles) (audience laughs)


Tell her I don't
expect no thank you

for the thank you
for the thank you.

- No more thank you.

- Thank you.

(audience laughs)

- [Barbara] Hey, Ma.

- Hi, sweetheart.


Thank you for putting
up, ah-ha, the pot roast.

I was right.

- I didn't do that.

(chuckles) Julie came home
and she started the pot roast

before she left for her meeting.

- Julie did it?

(chuckles) I don't know.

There's something
going on with that girl.

She's being very nice lately.

(audience laughs)

Report cards,
they're due, right?

- They are?

(audience laughs)

No, no, I still have a month.

Don't scare me like that.

(audience laughs)

- Well, something's happening,
I don't know what it is.

She's acting very pleasant.

- Yeah, it's scary.

I mean, she won't
even fight with me

and believe me, I've tried.

(audience laughs)

This is good,
where'd you get it?

- It really is good candy.

Schneider brought it for Julie.

(audience laughs)

- Well, no sense leaving
the evidence, right?

(audience laughs)

- You know what we gotta do?

Take out all the paper here
and scooch all the rest around

and then Julie won't know.

(audience laughs)

Hey, honey.

What are these meetings
that Julie's been going to?

Do you know anything about them?

- I heard her talking on the
phone about some new group.

- What group?

- I think it was
called the LOGs.

Yeah, the LOGs.

- The LOGs.

Sounds like a
conservation group.

- Conservation?

Julie, the spray can kid?

(audience laughs)

- Guess not, huh?

Hi, Julie.

- Mother.

(audience laughs)


(audience laughs)

- Daughter.

(audience laughs)

Now that we've clarified
our relationships here,

why don't we talk?

- About what?

- Oh, conservation,
spray cans, live-in schizo.

(audience laughs)

- Why don't we talk about you?

- Which me, Mother?

The elemental person that I was

or the enlightened
being that I've become?

- She's spaced.

(audience laughs)

- Why don't you tell
us about the LOGs?

- How'd you know about them?

- Well, I've been
concerned about you.

Barbara told me.

- Oh, Sister.

Why, that's so
considerate of you.

(audience laughs)

I didn't even realize
Mother was worried.

- Julie, why don't you tell
us about the LOGs, huh?

I mean, how come you haven't
said anything about them?

- Well, I wasn't quite
ready to discuss it yet.

I wasn't sure, but now I am.

(door bell rings)

Oh, that's them.

- Who?

- Some of the LOGs.

- We don't even
have a fireplace.

(audience laughs)

- Mother, could you please watch

your language
while they're here?

(audience laughs and groans)

Hi, come in.

- Thank you.

- Hi.

- Jeff, Celia, this is my mother

and this is my sister, Barbara.

- Hello, Jeff, Celia.
- Hello.

- Hi.

- Ms. Romano, I have
to tell you something.

I'm so happy.

We have a new sister.

- Your mom had a baby?

(audience laughs)

- She means Julie.

- My sister's your sister?

(audience laughs)

Mom, is there something
you've been keeping from me?

(audience laughs)

- We LOGs are all sisters.

- Except when we're brothers.

(audience laughs)

- Uh, why don't you sit down?

- You're truly kind.

Thank you.

- Don't mention it.

- Celia, Julie.

(audience laughs)

- Uh.

(audience laughs)


Why don't you
fill me in a little?

What exactly is a LOG?

- A Lamb Of God.

- Haven't you found Jesus?

- Jesus loves you.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, I see.

- Praise the Lord, she sees.

(audience laughs)

- Another LOG for Jesus.

(audience laughs)

- Mother, I'm so
glad you understand.

I wasn't quite sure
how you'd take it.

Would you excuse me?

I have to change.

We're going out.

- Julie, could I
talk... (door bell rings)

- I'll get that, Mom.

- [Ann] Yeah, okay.

- Hi, kid.

Oh, Ann, have you got a bromo?

I'm a little hungover
from last night.

(audience laughs)

I feel like the devil.

(audience laughs)

- I'd like you to meet
some of Julie's new friends.

Jeff, Celia, this is
our neighbor, Ginny.

- Hi.

- [Jeff and Celia] Hi.

- Why are they smiling at me?

(audience laughs)

- Jesus loves you.

- Praise Jesus.

- It was a fun evening,
but it's affected my hearing.

(audience laughs and applauds)

- Jeff and Celia
are very religious.

- What?

Oh, you're Jesus
freak followers.

(audience laughs)

- We're Christians, ma'am.

- He showed us the way.

- [Ginny] Mm.

(audience laughs)

- Ah-ha.

Now, there you are,
I might have known.

All right, out, out
of this building.

- Hey, come on, Schneider,
what are you doing?

These are nice kids here.
- Are you kidding?

Look at them, clean,
neat, well-dressed.

Normal kids
don't look like that.

(audience laughs)

Caused my suspicions right away.

All right, what are you selling?

Magazines, cosmetics,
peanut brittle?

- Kids, come on,
sit down, it's okay.

Schneider, they're not selling.

- Ms. Romano, please.

I am conducting this probe.

All right, now spit it out.

What are you selling?

- Jesus Christ.

- Watch your tongue.

(audience laughs)

- Schneider, they're Christians.

- Well, ain't we all?

(audience laughs)

- You mean you found Jesus?

- I didn't know he was missing.

(audience laughs)

- Ms. Wrobliki, don't
knock the big guy's kid.

(audience laughs)

You're asking for
a hit in the head

with the heavenly hammer.

(audience laughs)

- Jeff, Celia, I've
changed my mind.

I think I'll stay in my
room and meditate.

- Bless you.

Do you think you're
close to a decision?

- Very very close.

- Jesus loves you.

- Go with Jesus.

(Ginny groans)

(audience laughs)

- Excuse me, Schneider.

- Yeah.

- Well, we have the
Lord's work to do.

We'll go pass out
these bumper stickers.

- Now, watch
out for the traffic.

- We'd like you to
have one, Ms. Romano.

- Oh, thank you,
that's very nice.

- Good day.

You're a dear lamb.

(audience laughs)

- Honk if you love Jesus.

- Except in hospital zones.

(audience laughs)

- Ms. Wrobliki, I'm telling you.

You're treading on thin ice.

"Vengeance is
mine," sayeth the Lord.

- Romans 12:19.

- Crosby, Going My Way.

(audience laughs)

You know, the church
lost a great priest

when Bing decided to
end his show business.


♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, bless you all

(audience laughs)

- You want some coffee, Ginny?

- How 'bout an ice pack?

- Oh, no, thank you.

(audience laughs)

I tell you, it's so unexpected.

It just came out of left field.

- Instant faith.

Add holy water and mix.

(audience laughs)

- Maybe we shouldn't make jokes.

I mean, it's all
kind of irreverent.

A lot of kids in
school are into it.

- Okay, honey, but
she has a church.

- How long has it been
since we've been to it, Mom?

- But she went overboard.

Practically overnight
she got so involved.

- Well, Jesus said,
"Be ye therefore ready,

"for the Son of Man cometh
at an hour when you think not."

- That's good, Ginny.

You seem to know
the Bible pretty well.

- Spent a lot of time
in hotels with Gideon.

(audience laughs)

- Who's that?

- Uh, Gideon Bible.

- Sure.

(audience laughs)

- Would you excuse me?

I gotta go talk to Julie, huh?

- I can see myself
in this plate.

(audience laughs)

- Julie.



- Hello, Mother.

- I think your
friends are very nice.

- Thank you, I think they are.

- Honey, how did
you get into this?

- Well, Celia asked me
to a meeting and I went.

I realized how much more
meaningful my life could be.

It just kind of made sense.

- How come you didn't
come to me about it?

- Well, because I
was afraid you'd say,

"Oh, it's just another
there goes Julie again."

- Is that what it is?

- No, Mother.

I know it's hard to
understand if you haven't felt it,

but I'm really committed.

I've spent a lot of
time with the LOGs.

- A week.

- I knew that would
be your attitude.

- Look, honey, you're
obviously very sincere here.

Come on, tell me about it, huh?

- Yesterday, I
witnessed for Jesus.

Oh, Mother, it
was so fulfilling.

- Oh, honey, that's good.

What else do you do?

- We have Bible discussions.

Mom, you really should read it.

- Oh, honey, I've read...

- It could save your soul.

- I wish you wouldn't act as if

there weren't a moment to lose.

(audience laughs)

- Seeing the multitudes,
Jesus looked...

- Julie, I'm really not up to
a Bible reading right now.

- I see, the spirit is willing,
but the flesh is weak.

Don't worry, Mother, Jesus
loves you just the same.

- Good.

(audience laughs)

Look, honey, your
friend Jeff talked about

a decision that you had to make.

Is it something I can help with?

- Oh no, Mother.

- What is it you have to decide?

- Whether or not I should
devote my life to God,

whether I should
spend the rest of my life

preaching the kingdom of God.

- Yeah, well, that's
a very heavy private,

that's a big decisions there.

I don't know whether I
can help with that one.

- Course not, Mother.

You're not a true Christian.

- Well, when did that happen?

(chuckles) Did my license
expire or something?

(audience laughs)

- Mother, I know you mean well,

but this is a decision
that I have to make alone.

With his guidance.

- I don't think he'd mind if I
helped with the guiding here.

I mean, it's not
something you plunge into.

You're young,
you're still searching.

- You're still
searching, Mother.

I've found.

Just because your
generation lost faith

doesn't mean that
mine can't find it.

(audience groans)

- Aren't you glad you
didn't have a daughter?

(audience laughs)

(organ music)

- Julie.

Julie, turn that.

Julie, would you turn it off?

Little miss saint.

- I'm not a saint yet.

(audience laughs)

- Look, sis, I'm
glad you're into this.


But if it's for
you, it's for you.

I mean, do I have
to live in a shrine?

I've done nothing
worth repenting for yet.

- Many are called
and few are chosen.

- This is my room too.

You made me take
down Peter Frampton.

I had to fight to
save Elton John.

(audience laughs)

- Barbara, if you're
gonna go with a superstar,

go with a superstar.

(audience laughs)

- Hi, Ms. Romano.

- Morning, Schneider, did
you lose your pass key?

- No, no, no, no.

No, I just didn't
wanna barge in.

- (chuckles) You
didn't wanna barge in.

- No, no, you know, in case

Julie was saying her
morning vapors or something.

(audience laughs)

Is she here?

I got something for her.

- Yeah, she'll be
out in a minute.

- I guess it's a
load off your mind.

I mean, her joining the LOGs.

I mean, don't have to
worry about her smoking

or drinking or heisting
hubcaps or nothing.

(audience laughs)

- I guess you got
something there.

- You don't sound
too happy about it.

- Well, frankly, I'm
not so sure I am.

Want a for instance?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Yesterday, I was in the
supermarket with Julie

and she goes up to a
perfect stranger and says,

"Sister, have you found Jesus?"

- Oh, there's nothing
wrong with that.

- She was a nun.

(audience laughs)

- Morning, Mom.

Oh, hi, Schneid.

- Hi, how are you?

- Good morning, all.

Jesus loves you.

- Well, we're all very glad.

(audience laughs)

Schneider, would you
like a cup of coffee?

- You mean a sit down cup?

- Of course.

- Oh yeah, terrific, it's great.

- There you go.

- Mother, would you say grace?

- Yeah.

In the name of the Father,
Son, and the Holy Ghost, amen.

Blessed is the Lord for these,

thy gifts we are
about to receive

from thy bounty through
Christ our Lord, amen.

- That was very nice, Mother.

Schneider, would
you like to add to that?

- Oh, I don't, I have, I...

(audience laughs)

Well, I have, I have one
that my father used to say.

thank God for the grub.

(audience laughs and applauds)

- We are not finished yet.

Dear Jesus, we thank
you for the blessings

that you bring to this table.

- Amen.
- And we hope that we will

always be worthy
of your generosity.

- Amen.
- May this food give us

the strength to carry your
message through the day.

- Amen, already.

It's only an instant breakfast.

(audience laughs)

- Amen.

- Why don't you come
for dinner, Schneider?

She turns the
milk into Ovaltine.

(audience laughs)

(Schneider laughs)

(audience laughs)

- Listen, I got something here.

A little bumper
sticker for you there.

Look it, I like that.
- Oh.

You and me for JC.

Thank you,
Schneider, that's lovely.

May I be excused, Mother?

- Of course.
- Thank you, Mother.

- You and me for JC?

Where did you get that?

- Left over from the
Jimmy Carter campaign.

(audience laughs and applauds)

- By any chance, do you
happen to be a little bit religious?

- [Schneider] Oh, absolutely.

- I didn't know that.

- Oh yeah, really, I am.

I mean, well, I've
seen The Robe.

(audience laughs)

Ten Commandments.

Sound of Music twice.

(audience laughs)

You know what was
my greatest thrill?

The Agony and the Ectasy, huh?

All right, remember the
part, Charlton Heston

is painting the Sistine
Chapel for Pope Julius.

- Michelangelo.

- Pope Michelangelo, and
he's up there in the rafters

and he's painting,
he's painting.

Been up there for a
couple of years, okay.

Now the Pope comes in, right?

And the Pope sees him
up there painting away, see?

And the Pope says...

- "When I said paint
that ceiling, I meant blue."

(audience laughs)

(audience laughs)

(audience laughs)

- You stole my punchline.

(audience laughs)

(audience applauds)

(Ann sighs)

- Hey, Barbara, you
want anything else?

- No.

How do you feel about Julie?

- I don't know, honey.

Part of me thinks it's
just all very beautiful.

Another part of me
is frightened by it.

How do you feel about it?

- A little uncomfortable.

Well, she's so serious about it.

I know you're supposed to be,

but it's a little embarrassing.

A lot of my friends
don't understand.

Hers either.

- She losing friends?

- Yeah, some of them.

See, the worst part of it is
I find myself avoiding her.

I feel guilty, I
know it's wrong.

- Honey.

I'm a little
embarrassed by it too.

And I'm a little ashamed
of being embarrassed by it.

- Mother, I won't
be home till late.

We're having a Bible discussion.

- Aren't you gonna go to
the pep rally for the team?

- Barbara, I'm on
another team now.

- Aw, Julie, come
on. (audience laughs)

- Mom, you don't understand.

- Try us.

- We're going to discuss
the adulterous woman

they brought before Jesus
to ask if she should be stoned.

- Well, if they're gonna
throw rocks at her,

I don't blame her
for being stoned.

(audience laughs)

- Jesus likes you.

(audience laughs)

- Uh.

- Oh, I only have a
half hour till school.

I gotta do my homework.

(audience laughs)

- Hey, Julie, I hope you
found time to do yours.

- Well, I'll study after school,
but I can't take too long.

Today the LOGs are giving me

my first real Christian project.

- Oh, honey, that's fine,

but you can't ignore
your schoolwork.

I mean, you gotta
think of your future.

- Take therefore no
thought for the morrow,

for the morrow shall take
thought for the things of itself.

- Goddammit, Julie, will
you stop quoting the Bible?

Uh, I'm sorry.

You've got an advantage
on me, you know?

I'm not up on my quotations,
it's been a long time.

You wanna talk to a priest?

- Why not?

Perhaps I could
show him the way.

(audience laughs)

- Hey, come on.

Who appointed you
God's head honcho?

Julie, look.

Honey, the church has
been a big part of your life.

Mine too.

- Before or after your divorce?

(audience groans)

Mom, look, I'm sorry, but how
can you tell me about my faith

when you don't
even follow yours?

- Don't push me
too far, huh, Julie?

- You're getting angry, Mother.

Jesus forgives you and so do I.

- Why, thank you, dear.

- What do you mean?

- I forgive you.

- What do I have
to be forgiven for?

- Well, let's see.

For openers, for
being smug, humorless,

intolerant, unkind, pompous.

Put them all together,

they spell a very
un-Christian Christian.

- My answer to that is
from Timothy verse 12.

I thank Jesus Christ our
Lord for that he carried me...

- Oh, come on, Julie.

Will you stop quoting for a
minute just to listen to me?

I mean, I really don't think
I like what's going on here.

I mean, if it's a question
of whether you should

do your schoolwork or
run around with the LOGs...

- I will run around
with the LOGs,

as you put it, for
as long as I want.

Jesus loves you.

(audience laughs)

- Course you know, when
you think about it, Ginny,

you know, and weigh all
the pros and cons here,

I mean, Julie's attitude about
everything is so much better.

I mean, she speaks
so sweetly and politely.

- She's so serene.

- She doesn't fight
with Barbara anymore.

- Barbara fights alone.

(audience chuckles)

- You know what?

She cleans her room
without even being told.

- She cleaned my room
without even being told.

(audience laughs)

- I mean, there you go.

See what I mean?

- Yeah.
- She is wonderful.

I can't stand it.

(audience laughs)

- Neither can I.

- I tell you, Ginny, I
don't know what to do.

It's like being with
a walking saint.

Where did I go right?

(audience laughs)

- Well, you said she stomped
out of here this morning.

There's hope in that.

- Yeah, I mean, that's
the Julie I understand.

It's not just Julie, you know.

It's me too.

I don't know, I think I feel bad

because she didn't come to me

when she felt
this lack in her life.

I think, I don't know,
I'm jealous or resentful.

- Maybe you should
go see Doc Fillmore.

He's awful good with
these kind of problems.

- [Ann] Who's he?

- The bartender where I work.

(audience laughs)

Ann, Julie's just looking.

We're all looking.

- Oh yeah, but she's
gone so far overboard.

- Well, maybe no
more than the rest of us.

I mean, I've been to shrinks,
astrologers, counselors.

I once spent a
weekend in a hotel room

with eight other
people, punching pillows.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, Ginny, I don't
even know where she is.

It's so late.

I mean, how long can
a Christian project take?

- About 2,000 years so far.

(audience laughs)

Well, what could the project be?

She's standing on a
street corner singing hymns.

The worst that can happen
is a bad case of laryngitis

and you'll be spared
the dinner benediction.

(Ann laughs)

- Ginny, Mother,
I feel so fulfilled.

- Oh, good.

Honey, is the project over?

- Oh no, no, no, no.

It's just begun and
it's such a challenge.

- Well, what is it, honey?

What are you doing?

- I'll get him.

(audience laughs)

(audience laughs and applauds)

Mother, Ginny, meet my project.

Mr. Klagget.

(audience laughs)

I'm gonna lead him to Jesus.

- [Narrator] Be sure
to watch next week

for the concluding
episode of Julie's decision.

(audience applauds)

(upbeat music)

- [Narrator] One Day At
A Time was recorded live

on tape for a studio audience.