One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 2, Episode 10 - A Visit from Dad - full transcript
Ann's father wants his daughter to come home with the girls.
♪ This is it, this is it
♪ This is life, the one you get
♪ So go and have a ball
♪ This is it, this is it
♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured
♪ You can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here, enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what you do
♪ Hold on tight,
we'll muddle through
♪ One Day at a Time,
One Day at a Time
♪ So walk on your
feet, walk on your feet
♪ Somewhere,
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ Just take it like it comes
♪ One Day at a Time,
One Day at a Time
♪ One Day at a Time
♪ One Day at a Time
♪ One Day at a Time
♪ One Day at a Time
♪ One Day at a Time
(typewriter clacking)
- Julie, is adamant
A-N-T or E-N-T?
Julie, adamant, A-N-T or E-N-T?
- Mom, it's Saturday, I don't
have to spell on Saturdays.
- Honey, I don't have to
work on Saturdays, either,
but I'm doing it.
Would you go look it up
in the dictionary, please?
(Julie groans)
Go!
- Okay, how do you spell it?
- If I knew how to spell it,
I wouldn't be asking you, right?
- Right, but how am I gonna
look it up, if I can't spell it?
(telephone ringing)
Could you get that, Mom?
- Julie, you're
standing right next to it.
- Yeah, but I can't
answer it, see, it's for me.
I'm expecting a call from
Pete, but I don't wanna go out
with Pete if Eddie's gonna
call, but Eddie's working late
and can't call 'til later, but I
don't wanna turn down Pete
until I'm sure that
Eddie won't call.
Oh oh, and if that's
Susan or Millie,
don't tell 'em I
don't have a date.
Tell 'em I'm out with Lou.
(telephone ringing)
- Hello?
They hung up.
- Thanks a lot, Mom,
now just because of you,
I'll never know who called.
- Sorry about that, would
you look up adamant, please?
- (whistles) Hey, how do I look?
- Who cares?
- Let me guess, you're
gonna help Schneider
clean out the furnace.
- Mom, it's a date, I'm
trying to look casual.
- Would you explain
something to me?
- A-D-A-M...
- Julie, not now.
- A-N-T.
- Will you explain to me
why, when I go out on a date,
I dress up, you dress down?
- [Barbara] Will you please?
- Well, you should see
her date, the guy is worth it.
- John happens to be a senior.
That's why I'm trying to make
a good impression on him,
like I don't care.
- He'll believe you.
(doorbell ringing)
(Ann imitating doorbell ringing)
- Excuse me for not
using my passkey,
but it's been a long day.
I'm a little bit tired,
and, oh, look at that!
Well, nobody can say
you're wearing your heart
on your sleeve, ha ha.
- Ha ha ha, hi, Schneider.
- [Schneider] How are ya?
- Hey, Schneider.
- Hey, Legs, what's going on?
- Hey, Schneider, did you
fix the vacuum cleaner?
- Well now, about your
vacuum cleaner here.
I got the motor running,
roughly, but it's running.
There's just one thing
you gotta be careful of
with this vacuum cleaner.
- What's that?
- Don't get any dirt in it.
Ms. Romano, I don't
think you're gonna be
taking this vacuum cleaner
out to be fixed any more.
- You mean?
- I did every thing I could.
- How long?
- Three, six weeks
at the outside.
Might be better if
you just pull the plug.
(knocking)
- Let me get that, let me
get that, it's probably John.
- Surprise!
- Grandpa!
- Grandpa, hi!
- Oh, my babies, ha ha ha.
- How are you?
- Oh my babies.
Oh, they're young ladies now.
How they grow up so quickly.
- Dad, you just saw them
a couple of months ago.
- Please, don't deny
me the pleasure of crying
when I see my own grandchildren.
- Oh, Dad, how are
you, it's good seeing you.
You should have called.
- I know you, I didn't
want any fussing, Annie,
just a little potluck and the
couch for a couple of days.
Besides, on the telephone,
we're always getting
into an argument.
So I figured, why
not argue in person?
- Oh, Schneider, you
remember my dad?
- Yeah, sure,
Mr. Romano, how are ya?
- Schneider, as
a matter of fact,
I was just thinking about
you as I was coming up,
looking at that old dirty,
ratty carpeting in the elevator.
- Dad.
- Now, I'm the kind of
a man who tells people
how to run their business,
but, I am a contractor,
and I know there's
no reason the tenants
should have to see
carpeting like that.
- You're right, Mr. Romano,
I'll put in a dimmer bulb.
- Menage.
- Menage, he used to play
center field for the Yanks, right?
What a shame, that guy used
to be such a great ball player.
And now what is he doing?
Selling coffee.
- Annie, I wanna
tell you, I was...
- Hey, Dad, tell me, how's Mom?
- Your mom is the same.
She said I should tell
you that she's still got
the same address and the
same telephone number.
- She's the same.
- And she picked out
some things for the girls.
- [Julie And Barbara] Oh, wow!
- One for Barbara
and one for Julie.
- What is it, what is it?
- Open it up,
and you'll find out.
- Oh.
Now, this, this is lovely.
- That's for the A you
got on your report card.
- Oh, it's not
gonna fit, anyway.
- Oh no no no, that's for the A
that you're going
to get, right, Julie?
- Right.
- Uh, honey, Julie, why
don't you take the dresses
into the bedroom, okay?
Barbara, why don't you
take the vacuum cleaner,
put it in the closet,
and get an extra pillow
for your Granddad.
- Okay.
- Yeah, I see you still got
the same old vacuum cleaner.
It lasted longer
than your marriage.
- Had a better guarantee.
- Yeah.
Hey, how are
things going, Annie?
Come on, you can
tell me, I'm your father.
- I remember, Dad, honest.
Things are terrific, really.
Well, they're good.
- Yeah, maybe not
good, but they're terrible?
- No, Dad, really,
everything's fine.
- Well, I'm gonna buy
you a new vacuum cleaner.
- No you're not.
- Next week,
you're gonna have the newest
machine on the market, a gift.
- Here we go again,
you were two minutes,
already you're starting.
Come on, Dad, you
know I can't accept it.
- Annie, come on, take
it as a anniversary gift.
- What anniversary?
- The second anniversary
of your divorce.
Now, two years ago, you left
Ed, and you got the divorce.
I guess that
makes it final, huh?
- Well, Dad, I guess I
really knew it was final
when Ed remarried.
Come on, Dad, I know that
you're still very disappointed
about the divorce...
- What do you mean,
disappointed, just
because for 18 generations,
the Romanos have
never had a divorce?
Your cousin Rosalie, she got
a PhD, you, you got a divorce.
- Would you get off my back?
- Annie, come on, now
that you're a free woman,
what do you do that you
have to run away from home?
- I'm not going
back to Logansport.
- Logansport, who
said, Logansport?
When I mention Logansport?
- Oh, Dad, you mention
Logansport all the time.
You mention Logansport
when you visit,
You mention
Logansport when you call.
Hey look, you thought I
would last for two weeks,
well, I've lasted for two years,
and it's the last I
wanna hear about it.
- All right, you're right,
Annie, we'll discuss it later.
- Oh, Dad! (doorbell ringing)
- Let me get that, let me
get it, it's probably John!
- Oh hey, Barbara, wow,
you look, well you know, great.
- You look great, too, John.
- Great, he looks like a slob!
(audience applauding)
As a matter of fact,
you make a great couple.
- John, this is my grandfather.
My mother, oh
and you know Julie.
- [John] Hi, yeah.
Hey, how you doing?
- All right.
- Hey, gramps.
- Hi.
(audience laughing
and applauding)
What is that, a mustache,
or is your cat shedding?
- [Barbara] Let's go.
- Yeah, have a
good time, you two.
- Yeah, you know it...
- Not so fast, young
man, where are you going?
What kind of an evening
do you have planned
with my granddaughter?
- Oh well, I just thought
we'd sort of, well, you know,
bum around a little bit and
then sort of, well, you know,
hang out and you
know, goof off, you know?
- What did he say?
- Bum around and
(sniffing) you know, goof off,
and hang out, and go, kids.
- [Barbara] Yeah, we'll go.
- What time are you
bringing her home?
- Well, I'll have her home
by tonight, you know?
- You have her
back by 10 o'clock.
- Barbara, you know
what time to be in.
- Yes, I know, you know?
- You know, you know, you know.
If I knew, I wouldn't ask him.
Does he always talk like that?
- I don't have the slightest
idea, never met him before.
- I don't believe this, you
trust some boy you never met
with your 15-year-old daughter?
- Nope, I trust my
15-year-old daughter.
- What if your girls
brought home a boy
that you really didn't like?
- I wouldn't go out with him.
- All right, make jokes.
- Okay, Dad, look,
I know you worry,
but you can't
protect 'em forever.
- Yeah, but Barbara
is only 15 years old.
- So, she's only 15 years old.
I didn't get to be her
age until I was 34.
- When you were a teenager,
we never let you
go out with anybody
unless we knew them personally.
- And even then you
wanted to come along.
- Yeah well, you know, I
guess that was before the pill.
- Julie!
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean that,
it was a joke!
- Listen to that!
- Maybe I shouldn't
have said it.
- Listen to that, in my
day, a nice girl didn't know
anything at all about
sex until she got married.
- Then it was too late.
(audience laughing
and applauding)
(speaking in a foreign language)
Come on, Dad, look,
I know you worry,
but they're good kids,
they're level-headed kids,
we've talked, believe me,
they have got it up here.
- I don't care where they've
got it, these boys today,
they'll find it!
(audience laughing
and applauding)
Annie, why don't you just
come home for a little visit?
You and the girls, it'll do you
good, it's been a long time.
- Sure, Dad, maybe sometime.
What do you mean, a visit?
- A visit, a visit is a visit.
How about a year?
- Would you like
some more coffee?
- Hey, what's so
wrong with Logansport?
The whole Romano
family lives there.
- That's one.
Hey, Dad, why the big push
to get me back to Logansport?
- Annie, I wanted to be
fair, I gave you six months.
Okay, I figured after maybe
after two or three months,
you'd give up and you'd come
back home where you belong.
- This is where I belong.
- Annie, I don't like
you living here alone.
- Oh, poor Annie Romano,
living here all alone
with Julie and Barbara.
And the football team,
and the basketball squad,
and the boys' marching
band, and a rock group,
and the overflow from the YMCA.
- Oh. (telephone ringing)
- I'll get it, hello, Eddie!
Peter.
Thank you for calling, yeah.
10 minutes,
downstairs, you got it.
- Hey, wait a minute, Julie,
I thought you didn't
wanna go out with Peter.
- Who's Peter?
- It's nine o'clock, and
Eddie hasn't called yet.
I've gotta go out with somebody.
- Who's Eddie?
(telephone ringing)
- Hello?
Eddie.
Now?
Not now, my grandpa's visiting.
But he always goes
to bed at 10 o'clock.
- Who's Eddie, who's Peter,
who goes to bed at 10 o'clock?
- All right, 10 o'clock,
downstairs, bye.
- Hey, Julie, come on,
two dates in one night?
That's not very nice.
- Come on, Mom, I'll handle
it, just like I did with Lou.
- Who's Lou!
(audience applauding)
How many boyfriends
does she have?
Don't answer me, I
don't wanna know.
All I know is that you need
a man around here, Annie,
to handle these kids.
Annie, remember
Paulie Mungofredo?
- The Italian boy?
- Yes.
He lived right next door, he
was always nuts about you.
He always drops around
and asks about you.
He never got married,
you know that?
- I know, believe
me, there's a reason.
- Annie, no no, he's changed.
And he had his nose fixed.
- I heard, he had his nose
fixed and then his hair fell out.
- Come on, Annie, he still
lives right next door there,
with his mother, and
he's so good to her.
- Oh, I hope they're
both very happy.
- You're trying to
raise a family here?
Back home, we got plenty
of room, a big backyard,
it's a solid community
full of decent people.
Lots of Italians.
It's the right kind of influence
for these growing girls.
(knocking)
- Oh, Dad, what makes
you think that the people here
are any different
than the people
that you'd meet in Logansport?
(audience laughing)
- Hi, sugar.
- Hi, Ginny.
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to interrupt anything.
- Oh no, Ginny, come
right in, this is my father.
- Oh, for crying out loud!
Ciao!
Oh.
- Ginny, what's the matter?
- I think I lost a
gratuity down there.
Feels like a quarter.
1966.
(audience laughing
and applauding)
Never mind, I'll find it
when I slip out of my uniform.
- I hate to be obvious,
but it looks like you're
slipping out of it now.
- You dad's got a great
sense of humor on him.
- Dad, this is Ginny,
our new neighbor.
- And best friend.
I'm a cocktail waitress.
- Oh, I was hoping maybe
you were a lifeguard.
- Hey, that's good.
I guess I know a drowning
man when I see one.
You know, I made
this costume myself.
The only trouble with it is
that when I pull it down here,
it hikes down here, when
I pull it up here, it hikes...
- Dad, I bet that you are
tired, you'd like to wash up
after the long...
- Oh, look, Ann, I
don't wanna keep you.
I just thought you
might wanna go with me
down to the Body Exchange.
- The Body Exchange?
- Oh, that's just a nickname.
It's really the Wrastle
Castle on Meridian.
It's a singles bar.
- Oh, you mean it's a saloon,
where girls go to pick up,
to meet men?
- Ginny, you just
put your size 10 foot
in your size 11 mouth.
- No, Ginny, it's okay.
- No no, I don't want your
father to get the wrong idea.
Listen, Mr. Romano,
Annie's never been there.
Anyway, it's very nice place,
the bartender's an ex-priest.
(audience laughing)
(speaking in a foreign language)
There goes the other foot.
- Okay, Dad, so
this isn't Logansport.
- Bingo, that's what I've
been trying to tell you.
Annie, this is no place to
raise two teenage daughters.
- [Ann] Oh, Dad, for heaven...
- Hold it, Mr. Romano,
with all due respect,
if I get the gist of
what you're saying,
you're barking up
the wrong ballpark.
(doorbell ringing)
If anybody knows
how to raise two kids,
it's this lady, right here.
You never saw two
better-behaved girls, they're...
- Ms. Romano?
- Yeah, what happened?
- I'm remanding your
daughter to your custody.
A couple of years older,
she might be spending
the night in the slammer.
(audience applauding)
We grabbed her
boyfriend on the drag strip.
He'd been drinking
beer and he got in a fight.
- Barbara, are you all right?
- Yeah.
- [Ginny] You're not
hurt, are ya, honey?
- No, no, I'm okay.
- What happened?
- I tried to stop the fight,
and I got caught in the middle.
The police broke it up
and brought me home.
- Where's that drunken
kid, I'll break him in half.
And then I'll break
both halves in half!
Are you all right, Barbara?
- Dad, please, she's
okay, you're okay?
- I'm okay.
- She's okay.
- Are you sure
you're all right, huh?
You better let me
handle this, Annie.
It's a good thing that I'm here.
- Dad, please, Barbara
is my daughter...
- Annie, would you listen to me?
- What is going on here?
Somebody said she was
brought home by the fuzz.
- Right.
Schneider, no problem.
- You bet there's no problem,
because I got a lot of
clout, you understand,
and at the right places, too,
the top man down at
precinct headquarters,
he's a member of my lodge.
- Ah, Schneider...
- Please, now, I know
what I'm talking about.
You forget about the small fry,
forget about the
flatfoot on the beat,
you want me to handle
it, I will handle it for you.
All right, I'll take it
right to the top dog,
I'll take it to Captain
Throckmorton, he's a kind of a hi.
(audience laughing
and applauding)
- Schneider, this is the officer
that brought Barbara home.
- Oh, how do you do, officer?
Dwayne Schneider, VFW Post 106.
My friends call me Dwayne.
- My friends call me
the flatfoot on the beat.
- You guys, you're
the men, I mean,
you're the guys right
in the front lines there.
You're the law and order.
It starts right where
you're standing.
Remember, kid, you got
the right to remain silent.
- So do you.
- Gotcha, just
trying to help out.
- Schneider, you
know what you are?
You are living proof
of what a man can do
if he really tries.
I mean, here you've got a
natural amount of stupidity,
and you've elevated
it to a high art.
- [Ann] Dad.
- Ms. Romano, I think
you got problems enough.
I don't have to
make out a report.
- [Ann] Oh, thank you,
officer, I really appreciate that.
- Don't mention it.
Say, don't I know
you from somewhere?
- Yeah, you come into my bar.
You're the Harvey
Wallbanger, with a twist.
(audience laughing)
- You know Captain Throckmorton?
- Yeah, he died, six months ago.
- No wonder he's
late on his dues.
- Come on, boys, I'll
fix you a cup of coffee.
And if you hear a
quarter drop, it's mine.
- Good night.
- Thank you, officer.
So, it isn't Logansport.
- Annie, I don't wanna
be an old I told you so,
but I told you so.
- Grandpop, it was a fight.
- You be quiet.
- Hey, Dad, don't
cause trouble, huh?
- Trouble, ha ha, trouble!
Your best friend is
playmate of the month.
Your 15-year-old daughter's
been picked up by the police.
Your 17-year-old
daughter has a date
every hour on the hour.
And you're afraid that
I'm gonna start trouble!
- Dad, my 15-year-old
daughter here
happens to have been born wise.
She's one of the most sensible
kids you're ever gonna meet.
And as for Julie, she
is one hell of a woman,
and I am very proud of her.
I am not gonna keep
reminding my kids,
Barbara, the police
brought you home.
Julie, you ran away
with Chuck for a week.
I cannot.
(audience laughing)
- Julie did what?
My granddaughter
ran away with a man,
and you never called me?
- Dad, you would have
called out the FBI, the CIA,
the local support SWAT team.
- All right.
All right, I've heard
enough, I've seen enough.
I'm not gonna let you stay
in this city another minute.
- Barbara, why don't
you go to your room?
You have a rough night, huh?
- Yeah, and it looks like
you're gonna have one, too.
- Yeah.
- Good night, sweetheart.
- Good night, Grandpa.
- Dad, we are gonna settle
this right here and now.
- Annie, it's already settled.
You and the children are
coming back home with me.
- No, we're not,
we're gonna stay here.
- Those are my
grandchildren, a runaway kid,
and a kid who dresses up
like Fidel Castro on a bad day.
Annie, what am I
gonna tell your mother?
And, your cousins and
your aunts, and all the...
- Dad, these are my children.
And yes, we have trouble,
and yes, they make mistakes,
and yes, it is damn
tough without a man.
It is tough on them,
and it is tough on me.
- Well then, stop being
so stubborn, Annie.
Come on back home, where
you belong, with your family.
Annie, I'm just trying
to make it easy for you.
- Ha, everybody has always
tried to make it easy for me.
I had a domineering
husband, and before that,
I had a domineering father.
- Well, you're right,
you're absolutely right.
Ed was domineering.
I am not domineering,
I'm your father,
I just know what's best for you.
- Right, you fixed
me up with Ed.
- Because he was what you
needed, a strong, domineering man.
- Oh, Dad, give
me a break, please.
It's my life, I'm
pleading with you.
I'm 35 years old, and I
am pleading with my father.
Good lord, it's a
programmed response.
- You know what you sound like?
You sound like you've been
going to one of those shrinks.
The psychologists,
those are the ones
that teach the children
to hate their parents.
- I don't hate my parents.
I'm doing what I wanna do.
Okay, you think I've
loused up my kids.
Well, I guess, every
mother louses up her children
in her own way.
- Annie, Annie, we
brought you into this world,
your mother and I,
we gave you our love.
We worried when you
had the chicken pox.
We had your teeth
straightened out.
We sent you to summer camp.
We would have
sent you to college,
if that's what you
wanted, Annie.
Annie, I'm asking you to
come on back home now.
- You make it
sound like a due bill.
We gave you love and braces,
now you owe us something.
- Oh no no, I didn't
mean it like that.
- Didn't you?
- No, Annie, no.
Well, I mean, don't children
have any feelings toward
their parents these days?
- Dad, you got my love.
But my life, it's mine.
- It's just that
things aren't the way
I thought they would be.
- How did you
think they would be?
- I don't know, I
just thought that
you'd still be my little girl.
- Oh, Papa.
I am your little girl.
More times than I
wanna admit to you.
Look, Dad, when I was growing
up, you did everything for us.
I bet to this day,
Mama doesn't know
what's in the bank account
or what she should
know, God forbid,
something happens to you.
- No no, that's not
true, every year,
I let your mother handle
the Christmas Club money.
- That's what I mean, Papa.
You wrapped us all in
this protective cocoon.
But that's not the
way the world is.
No more, Daddy, not for me.
And if I can find the strength,
not for Julie and Barbara.
Can you understand that at all?
- Yes, I understand.
No, I don't understand.
I'm trying to understand.
I don't know, the world
is all different today.
In my day, we used to try
to give everything we could
to our kids, maybe that
was a mistake, I don't know.
Look, all I really know,
Annie, is that I miss you.
I mean, I miss my grandchildren.
I miss knowing that
you're right in the same city,
a couple of blocks away.
Since you moved away,
my life has been kinda empty.
I go by the old house, you
know, I go out of my way.
And I find myself looking
for the bicycles in the yard.
- I love you very much.
- Annie, I love you.
Well, at least when
I go back home,
I won't have to be nice
to that stupid Paulie
Mungofredo anymore.
(audience applauding)
("One Day at a Time"
saxophone music)
- [Bonnie] One Day at a
Time was recorded live on tape
before a studio audience.
("One Day at a Time"
saxophone music)
(orchestral music)
♪ This is life, the one you get
♪ So go and have a ball
♪ This is it, this is it
♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured
♪ You can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here, enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what you do
♪ Hold on tight,
we'll muddle through
♪ One Day at a Time,
One Day at a Time
♪ So walk on your
feet, walk on your feet
♪ Somewhere,
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ Just take it like it comes
♪ One Day at a Time,
One Day at a Time
♪ One Day at a Time
♪ One Day at a Time
♪ One Day at a Time
♪ One Day at a Time
♪ One Day at a Time
(typewriter clacking)
- Julie, is adamant
A-N-T or E-N-T?
Julie, adamant, A-N-T or E-N-T?
- Mom, it's Saturday, I don't
have to spell on Saturdays.
- Honey, I don't have to
work on Saturdays, either,
but I'm doing it.
Would you go look it up
in the dictionary, please?
(Julie groans)
Go!
- Okay, how do you spell it?
- If I knew how to spell it,
I wouldn't be asking you, right?
- Right, but how am I gonna
look it up, if I can't spell it?
(telephone ringing)
Could you get that, Mom?
- Julie, you're
standing right next to it.
- Yeah, but I can't
answer it, see, it's for me.
I'm expecting a call from
Pete, but I don't wanna go out
with Pete if Eddie's gonna
call, but Eddie's working late
and can't call 'til later, but I
don't wanna turn down Pete
until I'm sure that
Eddie won't call.
Oh oh, and if that's
Susan or Millie,
don't tell 'em I
don't have a date.
Tell 'em I'm out with Lou.
(telephone ringing)
- Hello?
They hung up.
- Thanks a lot, Mom,
now just because of you,
I'll never know who called.
- Sorry about that, would
you look up adamant, please?
- (whistles) Hey, how do I look?
- Who cares?
- Let me guess, you're
gonna help Schneider
clean out the furnace.
- Mom, it's a date, I'm
trying to look casual.
- Would you explain
something to me?
- A-D-A-M...
- Julie, not now.
- A-N-T.
- Will you explain to me
why, when I go out on a date,
I dress up, you dress down?
- [Barbara] Will you please?
- Well, you should see
her date, the guy is worth it.
- John happens to be a senior.
That's why I'm trying to make
a good impression on him,
like I don't care.
- He'll believe you.
(doorbell ringing)
(Ann imitating doorbell ringing)
- Excuse me for not
using my passkey,
but it's been a long day.
I'm a little bit tired,
and, oh, look at that!
Well, nobody can say
you're wearing your heart
on your sleeve, ha ha.
- Ha ha ha, hi, Schneider.
- [Schneider] How are ya?
- Hey, Schneider.
- Hey, Legs, what's going on?
- Hey, Schneider, did you
fix the vacuum cleaner?
- Well now, about your
vacuum cleaner here.
I got the motor running,
roughly, but it's running.
There's just one thing
you gotta be careful of
with this vacuum cleaner.
- What's that?
- Don't get any dirt in it.
Ms. Romano, I don't
think you're gonna be
taking this vacuum cleaner
out to be fixed any more.
- You mean?
- I did every thing I could.
- How long?
- Three, six weeks
at the outside.
Might be better if
you just pull the plug.
(knocking)
- Let me get that, let me
get that, it's probably John.
- Surprise!
- Grandpa!
- Grandpa, hi!
- Oh, my babies, ha ha ha.
- How are you?
- Oh my babies.
Oh, they're young ladies now.
How they grow up so quickly.
- Dad, you just saw them
a couple of months ago.
- Please, don't deny
me the pleasure of crying
when I see my own grandchildren.
- Oh, Dad, how are
you, it's good seeing you.
You should have called.
- I know you, I didn't
want any fussing, Annie,
just a little potluck and the
couch for a couple of days.
Besides, on the telephone,
we're always getting
into an argument.
So I figured, why
not argue in person?
- Oh, Schneider, you
remember my dad?
- Yeah, sure,
Mr. Romano, how are ya?
- Schneider, as
a matter of fact,
I was just thinking about
you as I was coming up,
looking at that old dirty,
ratty carpeting in the elevator.
- Dad.
- Now, I'm the kind of
a man who tells people
how to run their business,
but, I am a contractor,
and I know there's
no reason the tenants
should have to see
carpeting like that.
- You're right, Mr. Romano,
I'll put in a dimmer bulb.
- Menage.
- Menage, he used to play
center field for the Yanks, right?
What a shame, that guy used
to be such a great ball player.
And now what is he doing?
Selling coffee.
- Annie, I wanna
tell you, I was...
- Hey, Dad, tell me, how's Mom?
- Your mom is the same.
She said I should tell
you that she's still got
the same address and the
same telephone number.
- She's the same.
- And she picked out
some things for the girls.
- [Julie And Barbara] Oh, wow!
- One for Barbara
and one for Julie.
- What is it, what is it?
- Open it up,
and you'll find out.
- Oh.
Now, this, this is lovely.
- That's for the A you
got on your report card.
- Oh, it's not
gonna fit, anyway.
- Oh no no no, that's for the A
that you're going
to get, right, Julie?
- Right.
- Uh, honey, Julie, why
don't you take the dresses
into the bedroom, okay?
Barbara, why don't you
take the vacuum cleaner,
put it in the closet,
and get an extra pillow
for your Granddad.
- Okay.
- Yeah, I see you still got
the same old vacuum cleaner.
It lasted longer
than your marriage.
- Had a better guarantee.
- Yeah.
Hey, how are
things going, Annie?
Come on, you can
tell me, I'm your father.
- I remember, Dad, honest.
Things are terrific, really.
Well, they're good.
- Yeah, maybe not
good, but they're terrible?
- No, Dad, really,
everything's fine.
- Well, I'm gonna buy
you a new vacuum cleaner.
- No you're not.
- Next week,
you're gonna have the newest
machine on the market, a gift.
- Here we go again,
you were two minutes,
already you're starting.
Come on, Dad, you
know I can't accept it.
- Annie, come on, take
it as a anniversary gift.
- What anniversary?
- The second anniversary
of your divorce.
Now, two years ago, you left
Ed, and you got the divorce.
I guess that
makes it final, huh?
- Well, Dad, I guess I
really knew it was final
when Ed remarried.
Come on, Dad, I know that
you're still very disappointed
about the divorce...
- What do you mean,
disappointed, just
because for 18 generations,
the Romanos have
never had a divorce?
Your cousin Rosalie, she got
a PhD, you, you got a divorce.
- Would you get off my back?
- Annie, come on, now
that you're a free woman,
what do you do that you
have to run away from home?
- I'm not going
back to Logansport.
- Logansport, who
said, Logansport?
When I mention Logansport?
- Oh, Dad, you mention
Logansport all the time.
You mention Logansport
when you visit,
You mention
Logansport when you call.
Hey look, you thought I
would last for two weeks,
well, I've lasted for two years,
and it's the last I
wanna hear about it.
- All right, you're right,
Annie, we'll discuss it later.
- Oh, Dad! (doorbell ringing)
- Let me get that, let me
get it, it's probably John!
- Oh hey, Barbara, wow,
you look, well you know, great.
- You look great, too, John.
- Great, he looks like a slob!
(audience applauding)
As a matter of fact,
you make a great couple.
- John, this is my grandfather.
My mother, oh
and you know Julie.
- [John] Hi, yeah.
Hey, how you doing?
- All right.
- Hey, gramps.
- Hi.
(audience laughing
and applauding)
What is that, a mustache,
or is your cat shedding?
- [Barbara] Let's go.
- Yeah, have a
good time, you two.
- Yeah, you know it...
- Not so fast, young
man, where are you going?
What kind of an evening
do you have planned
with my granddaughter?
- Oh well, I just thought
we'd sort of, well, you know,
bum around a little bit and
then sort of, well, you know,
hang out and you
know, goof off, you know?
- What did he say?
- Bum around and
(sniffing) you know, goof off,
and hang out, and go, kids.
- [Barbara] Yeah, we'll go.
- What time are you
bringing her home?
- Well, I'll have her home
by tonight, you know?
- You have her
back by 10 o'clock.
- Barbara, you know
what time to be in.
- Yes, I know, you know?
- You know, you know, you know.
If I knew, I wouldn't ask him.
Does he always talk like that?
- I don't have the slightest
idea, never met him before.
- I don't believe this, you
trust some boy you never met
with your 15-year-old daughter?
- Nope, I trust my
15-year-old daughter.
- What if your girls
brought home a boy
that you really didn't like?
- I wouldn't go out with him.
- All right, make jokes.
- Okay, Dad, look,
I know you worry,
but you can't
protect 'em forever.
- Yeah, but Barbara
is only 15 years old.
- So, she's only 15 years old.
I didn't get to be her
age until I was 34.
- When you were a teenager,
we never let you
go out with anybody
unless we knew them personally.
- And even then you
wanted to come along.
- Yeah well, you know, I
guess that was before the pill.
- Julie!
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean that,
it was a joke!
- Listen to that!
- Maybe I shouldn't
have said it.
- Listen to that, in my
day, a nice girl didn't know
anything at all about
sex until she got married.
- Then it was too late.
(audience laughing
and applauding)
(speaking in a foreign language)
Come on, Dad, look,
I know you worry,
but they're good kids,
they're level-headed kids,
we've talked, believe me,
they have got it up here.
- I don't care where they've
got it, these boys today,
they'll find it!
(audience laughing
and applauding)
Annie, why don't you just
come home for a little visit?
You and the girls, it'll do you
good, it's been a long time.
- Sure, Dad, maybe sometime.
What do you mean, a visit?
- A visit, a visit is a visit.
How about a year?
- Would you like
some more coffee?
- Hey, what's so
wrong with Logansport?
The whole Romano
family lives there.
- That's one.
Hey, Dad, why the big push
to get me back to Logansport?
- Annie, I wanted to be
fair, I gave you six months.
Okay, I figured after maybe
after two or three months,
you'd give up and you'd come
back home where you belong.
- This is where I belong.
- Annie, I don't like
you living here alone.
- Oh, poor Annie Romano,
living here all alone
with Julie and Barbara.
And the football team,
and the basketball squad,
and the boys' marching
band, and a rock group,
and the overflow from the YMCA.
- Oh. (telephone ringing)
- I'll get it, hello, Eddie!
Peter.
Thank you for calling, yeah.
10 minutes,
downstairs, you got it.
- Hey, wait a minute, Julie,
I thought you didn't
wanna go out with Peter.
- Who's Peter?
- It's nine o'clock, and
Eddie hasn't called yet.
I've gotta go out with somebody.
- Who's Eddie?
(telephone ringing)
- Hello?
Eddie.
Now?
Not now, my grandpa's visiting.
But he always goes
to bed at 10 o'clock.
- Who's Eddie, who's Peter,
who goes to bed at 10 o'clock?
- All right, 10 o'clock,
downstairs, bye.
- Hey, Julie, come on,
two dates in one night?
That's not very nice.
- Come on, Mom, I'll handle
it, just like I did with Lou.
- Who's Lou!
(audience applauding)
How many boyfriends
does she have?
Don't answer me, I
don't wanna know.
All I know is that you need
a man around here, Annie,
to handle these kids.
Annie, remember
Paulie Mungofredo?
- The Italian boy?
- Yes.
He lived right next door, he
was always nuts about you.
He always drops around
and asks about you.
He never got married,
you know that?
- I know, believe
me, there's a reason.
- Annie, no no, he's changed.
And he had his nose fixed.
- I heard, he had his nose
fixed and then his hair fell out.
- Come on, Annie, he still
lives right next door there,
with his mother, and
he's so good to her.
- Oh, I hope they're
both very happy.
- You're trying to
raise a family here?
Back home, we got plenty
of room, a big backyard,
it's a solid community
full of decent people.
Lots of Italians.
It's the right kind of influence
for these growing girls.
(knocking)
- Oh, Dad, what makes
you think that the people here
are any different
than the people
that you'd meet in Logansport?
(audience laughing)
- Hi, sugar.
- Hi, Ginny.
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to interrupt anything.
- Oh no, Ginny, come
right in, this is my father.
- Oh, for crying out loud!
Ciao!
Oh.
- Ginny, what's the matter?
- I think I lost a
gratuity down there.
Feels like a quarter.
1966.
(audience laughing
and applauding)
Never mind, I'll find it
when I slip out of my uniform.
- I hate to be obvious,
but it looks like you're
slipping out of it now.
- You dad's got a great
sense of humor on him.
- Dad, this is Ginny,
our new neighbor.
- And best friend.
I'm a cocktail waitress.
- Oh, I was hoping maybe
you were a lifeguard.
- Hey, that's good.
I guess I know a drowning
man when I see one.
You know, I made
this costume myself.
The only trouble with it is
that when I pull it down here,
it hikes down here, when
I pull it up here, it hikes...
- Dad, I bet that you are
tired, you'd like to wash up
after the long...
- Oh, look, Ann, I
don't wanna keep you.
I just thought you
might wanna go with me
down to the Body Exchange.
- The Body Exchange?
- Oh, that's just a nickname.
It's really the Wrastle
Castle on Meridian.
It's a singles bar.
- Oh, you mean it's a saloon,
where girls go to pick up,
to meet men?
- Ginny, you just
put your size 10 foot
in your size 11 mouth.
- No, Ginny, it's okay.
- No no, I don't want your
father to get the wrong idea.
Listen, Mr. Romano,
Annie's never been there.
Anyway, it's very nice place,
the bartender's an ex-priest.
(audience laughing)
(speaking in a foreign language)
There goes the other foot.
- Okay, Dad, so
this isn't Logansport.
- Bingo, that's what I've
been trying to tell you.
Annie, this is no place to
raise two teenage daughters.
- [Ann] Oh, Dad, for heaven...
- Hold it, Mr. Romano,
with all due respect,
if I get the gist of
what you're saying,
you're barking up
the wrong ballpark.
(doorbell ringing)
If anybody knows
how to raise two kids,
it's this lady, right here.
You never saw two
better-behaved girls, they're...
- Ms. Romano?
- Yeah, what happened?
- I'm remanding your
daughter to your custody.
A couple of years older,
she might be spending
the night in the slammer.
(audience applauding)
We grabbed her
boyfriend on the drag strip.
He'd been drinking
beer and he got in a fight.
- Barbara, are you all right?
- Yeah.
- [Ginny] You're not
hurt, are ya, honey?
- No, no, I'm okay.
- What happened?
- I tried to stop the fight,
and I got caught in the middle.
The police broke it up
and brought me home.
- Where's that drunken
kid, I'll break him in half.
And then I'll break
both halves in half!
Are you all right, Barbara?
- Dad, please, she's
okay, you're okay?
- I'm okay.
- She's okay.
- Are you sure
you're all right, huh?
You better let me
handle this, Annie.
It's a good thing that I'm here.
- Dad, please, Barbara
is my daughter...
- Annie, would you listen to me?
- What is going on here?
Somebody said she was
brought home by the fuzz.
- Right.
Schneider, no problem.
- You bet there's no problem,
because I got a lot of
clout, you understand,
and at the right places, too,
the top man down at
precinct headquarters,
he's a member of my lodge.
- Ah, Schneider...
- Please, now, I know
what I'm talking about.
You forget about the small fry,
forget about the
flatfoot on the beat,
you want me to handle
it, I will handle it for you.
All right, I'll take it
right to the top dog,
I'll take it to Captain
Throckmorton, he's a kind of a hi.
(audience laughing
and applauding)
- Schneider, this is the officer
that brought Barbara home.
- Oh, how do you do, officer?
Dwayne Schneider, VFW Post 106.
My friends call me Dwayne.
- My friends call me
the flatfoot on the beat.
- You guys, you're
the men, I mean,
you're the guys right
in the front lines there.
You're the law and order.
It starts right where
you're standing.
Remember, kid, you got
the right to remain silent.
- So do you.
- Gotcha, just
trying to help out.
- Schneider, you
know what you are?
You are living proof
of what a man can do
if he really tries.
I mean, here you've got a
natural amount of stupidity,
and you've elevated
it to a high art.
- [Ann] Dad.
- Ms. Romano, I think
you got problems enough.
I don't have to
make out a report.
- [Ann] Oh, thank you,
officer, I really appreciate that.
- Don't mention it.
Say, don't I know
you from somewhere?
- Yeah, you come into my bar.
You're the Harvey
Wallbanger, with a twist.
(audience laughing)
- You know Captain Throckmorton?
- Yeah, he died, six months ago.
- No wonder he's
late on his dues.
- Come on, boys, I'll
fix you a cup of coffee.
And if you hear a
quarter drop, it's mine.
- Good night.
- Thank you, officer.
So, it isn't Logansport.
- Annie, I don't wanna
be an old I told you so,
but I told you so.
- Grandpop, it was a fight.
- You be quiet.
- Hey, Dad, don't
cause trouble, huh?
- Trouble, ha ha, trouble!
Your best friend is
playmate of the month.
Your 15-year-old daughter's
been picked up by the police.
Your 17-year-old
daughter has a date
every hour on the hour.
And you're afraid that
I'm gonna start trouble!
- Dad, my 15-year-old
daughter here
happens to have been born wise.
She's one of the most sensible
kids you're ever gonna meet.
And as for Julie, she
is one hell of a woman,
and I am very proud of her.
I am not gonna keep
reminding my kids,
Barbara, the police
brought you home.
Julie, you ran away
with Chuck for a week.
I cannot.
(audience laughing)
- Julie did what?
My granddaughter
ran away with a man,
and you never called me?
- Dad, you would have
called out the FBI, the CIA,
the local support SWAT team.
- All right.
All right, I've heard
enough, I've seen enough.
I'm not gonna let you stay
in this city another minute.
- Barbara, why don't
you go to your room?
You have a rough night, huh?
- Yeah, and it looks like
you're gonna have one, too.
- Yeah.
- Good night, sweetheart.
- Good night, Grandpa.
- Dad, we are gonna settle
this right here and now.
- Annie, it's already settled.
You and the children are
coming back home with me.
- No, we're not,
we're gonna stay here.
- Those are my
grandchildren, a runaway kid,
and a kid who dresses up
like Fidel Castro on a bad day.
Annie, what am I
gonna tell your mother?
And, your cousins and
your aunts, and all the...
- Dad, these are my children.
And yes, we have trouble,
and yes, they make mistakes,
and yes, it is damn
tough without a man.
It is tough on them,
and it is tough on me.
- Well then, stop being
so stubborn, Annie.
Come on back home, where
you belong, with your family.
Annie, I'm just trying
to make it easy for you.
- Ha, everybody has always
tried to make it easy for me.
I had a domineering
husband, and before that,
I had a domineering father.
- Well, you're right,
you're absolutely right.
Ed was domineering.
I am not domineering,
I'm your father,
I just know what's best for you.
- Right, you fixed
me up with Ed.
- Because he was what you
needed, a strong, domineering man.
- Oh, Dad, give
me a break, please.
It's my life, I'm
pleading with you.
I'm 35 years old, and I
am pleading with my father.
Good lord, it's a
programmed response.
- You know what you sound like?
You sound like you've been
going to one of those shrinks.
The psychologists,
those are the ones
that teach the children
to hate their parents.
- I don't hate my parents.
I'm doing what I wanna do.
Okay, you think I've
loused up my kids.
Well, I guess, every
mother louses up her children
in her own way.
- Annie, Annie, we
brought you into this world,
your mother and I,
we gave you our love.
We worried when you
had the chicken pox.
We had your teeth
straightened out.
We sent you to summer camp.
We would have
sent you to college,
if that's what you
wanted, Annie.
Annie, I'm asking you to
come on back home now.
- You make it
sound like a due bill.
We gave you love and braces,
now you owe us something.
- Oh no no, I didn't
mean it like that.
- Didn't you?
- No, Annie, no.
Well, I mean, don't children
have any feelings toward
their parents these days?
- Dad, you got my love.
But my life, it's mine.
- It's just that
things aren't the way
I thought they would be.
- How did you
think they would be?
- I don't know, I
just thought that
you'd still be my little girl.
- Oh, Papa.
I am your little girl.
More times than I
wanna admit to you.
Look, Dad, when I was growing
up, you did everything for us.
I bet to this day,
Mama doesn't know
what's in the bank account
or what she should
know, God forbid,
something happens to you.
- No no, that's not
true, every year,
I let your mother handle
the Christmas Club money.
- That's what I mean, Papa.
You wrapped us all in
this protective cocoon.
But that's not the
way the world is.
No more, Daddy, not for me.
And if I can find the strength,
not for Julie and Barbara.
Can you understand that at all?
- Yes, I understand.
No, I don't understand.
I'm trying to understand.
I don't know, the world
is all different today.
In my day, we used to try
to give everything we could
to our kids, maybe that
was a mistake, I don't know.
Look, all I really know,
Annie, is that I miss you.
I mean, I miss my grandchildren.
I miss knowing that
you're right in the same city,
a couple of blocks away.
Since you moved away,
my life has been kinda empty.
I go by the old house, you
know, I go out of my way.
And I find myself looking
for the bicycles in the yard.
- I love you very much.
- Annie, I love you.
Well, at least when
I go back home,
I won't have to be nice
to that stupid Paulie
Mungofredo anymore.
(audience applauding)
("One Day at a Time"
saxophone music)
- [Bonnie] One Day at a
Time was recorded live on tape
before a studio audience.
("One Day at a Time"
saxophone music)
(orchestral music)