Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 5, Episode 2 - Luck of the Drawing - full transcript

Previously on Nurse Jackie...

Dr. Roman, you might want
to throw a little stitch in there.

Just looking out for
your breasts... Blouse.

Dr. Roman has had every
bump in the road smoothed over

because she's... Hot?

Expecting it.

Next time she's not
cutting it, say something.

Who wants morphine?
Yeah, that's me.

This is a lawsuit
waiting to bite my butt.

You're not even an employee.

Which is why I have no choice



but to hire you back.

Who is that?

New trauma guy.
Some big shot army doc.

I'm thinking it's time that I
moved out and got my own place.

Where are you going?

I want to be with
my baby all the time.

When are you leaving?

Today's my last day.

Really? The day
before my birthday?

See you on the outside?

Charlie, this is Jackie.

Listen, I am calling you, uh,
and you have to call me back.

Charlie?

Look, I know this
isn't part of our deal,



but is there any way I can get
the girls for my birthday tomorrow?

I'll think about it.

Hey, Jackie, it's Kevin.

I know it's your
birthday tomorrow,

but I'm gonna keep the girls.

Come on. We've managed to mediate
every other issue in your divorce.

Can't we find a
compromise on this last one?

I need primary custody. Period.

Nice.

Can you meet in
the middle, Jackie?

What about shared custody?

I'll do that. Shared custody
is fair. Fair is all I want.

Here's what I want. I wanna go
back in a fucking time machine

before you were a drug addict,

and ruined our marriage
and fucked up our kids.

That's what I want.

Can we keep this
on the issue, please?

Okay. Here's my issue.

Her work hours are nuts,

shared custody when her
schedule is all over the place

is crazy for me, and
unfair to the girls.

It's funny. You had no
problem with my hours

when they were
paying for your bar.

Enough. Someone
needs to give here.

Kevin, Jackie has
met you halfway.

If she can make her
hours more predictable,

would you agree
to share custody?

Yeah. Okay. I'll agree to it.

But if she can't fix her
hours, I get primary.

Stop. Nobody say another word.

You have 24 hours to work
this out or I toss it to the judge.

So, maybe you'll also change
your mind about tonight?

Let me have the
girls for my birthday?

Sorry. It sets a precedent.

A precedent? Jesus...

What if I promised to
have no more birthdays?

I kind of like that idea.

Yeah. Good luck with that.

Hey. Been a while.
Good to see you back.

Yeah, I missed the coffee.

It's been a rough 24 hours.

My best friend is
leaving the country,

my ex is trying to get
custody of my kids,

you know, it's just a lot.

Mmm.

Anyway, it's good to see you.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna sit down.

Yeah.

Hey, you might wanna
get your hand up.

If you can't see
your higher power,

how do you know it's out there?

Today, I prayed
for a parking spot,

and then when I got
here, boom, parking spot.

That's how I know my
higher power is out there.

It's gonna give you hope.

Okay. We got time
for one more share.

Anybody?

Okay, sweetie. We're gonna
make this all better, okay?

Aren't we, Doctor?

Can you tell me where it hurts?

Did you check his ears?

Not yet. Okay.

Just gonna take a
little look in your ear.

Just a little light. Look, see?

Easy, easy, easy.

I am your doctor.

Dr. Cooper.

Here we go.

Let me take a quick peek.

Oh, lookie there.

S-P-I-D-E-R.

It's gonna be okay.

He's nine. He can S-P-E-L-L.

I see it. And... Gone.

You're actually
scaring it away, Doctor.

My patient, Doctor.

Maybe Dr. Prentiss
has another way.

You're doing great, Jake. How
many beers you got on the wall?

I'm down to 43.

Come on, Spidey, where are you?

See, when bugs get lost,
they always come to the light.

Kind of like people.

Did you learn that
serving in Iraq?

No, serving in
Rikers, for dealing.

All right. Here we go.

A curious creature.

A spider emerges to investigate.

Is it friend or is it foe?

Got him.

I'm gonna go with foe.

Good morning and
may I wish you a very...

Stop.

Happy workday.

Hey, what's that?

Looks like our master schedule.

An apt phrase I heard might
help you with your struggles.

"You're only as
sick as your secrets."

Here's a secret.

You wanna help me with
my struggles? Back off.

Hannah, what's up?

You missed the smell so
much, you had to come back?

No, it's pretty much the people.

Hi, I'm Dr. Roman.

This is Hannah Cohen,
a return customer.

It's my lower back.
It really aches.

Can you roll over for me?

Well, there's no swelling,

but it is possible to
get day-after back pain.

You like, what,
Vicodin? Percocet?

Hey, it really does hurt.

Jackie, get some film.
I'll write up a prescription.

Not to worry, honey.
I'll take care of you.

Nothing.

Unless you see anything.

Maybe there's
something else going on.

Gee, you think?

She's surfing meds.

You don't know that.

Hey, I go clubbing.

I can so spot an
addict when I see one.

What?

God, you're so weird.

Uh, yes, I'd like to order
some lab work for a patient.

I'm Dr. Roman. Dr. Carrie Roman.

When the back
X-ray came up clean,

I ran urine and a blood culture.

Her white count
is through the roof.

You're a nurse, how
did you order these?

Isn't this Dr. Roman's patient?

Uh, this is my
patient. She trusts me.

She's a little tachy at 110.

BP's low. 100 over 65.

I should go to the hospital.

You're in the hospital,
sweetie. This is Jackie.

Is this rash new?

Uh, yeah.

All right. Get her
admitted to the ICU.

Zoey.

Um, if they were from
me, they'd be pink.

You threw away a
card from your dad?

I wish my dad would
send me flowers,

but he's in prison.

Enough about my dad.
Tell me about yours.

You have a dad?

Mmm, she worked here 10 years
before we even knew she had a husband.

Okay. From this point on,

could you all assume that I have

all the normal
components of a family

and they're all fucked up?

You can't. It's a gift.

It's a gift I don't want.

Today is a gift
when you're sober.

That's why we
call it the present.

All available personnel, please
assemble in the old hallway.

People, people.

A patient who came here
to get better got sicker.

All Saints is responsible
for this patient's sepsis.

Our 10th case in the last
year. It should be zero.

Hand hygiene is
the biggest culprit.

You wash your
hands, but not enough.

So, I'm looking for a
volunteer who will be my

hand hygiene monitor. Zoey.

Honored.

So honored to take on this
sacred mission to save lives.

Yes.

Over in Landstuhl,
we cultured wounds

to ID patients
at risk for sepsis.

I mean, maybe we
can start that here.

Why ask me? You're
the new chief of the ER.

I am?

Oh. Oops.

People, our new chief of
the ER, Dr. Ike Prentiss.

Back to work now.

What the fuck was that?

First, O'Hara gets
the chief job over me,

she goes, and then Akalitus gives it
to some guy who started yesterday?

I mean, what is it about me?

Really?

You know what?
Screw it. I'm quitting.

Why, so you can
go someplace else

and have the same thing happen?

You want respect? Man the
fuck up. Cut the goofy shit.

What goofy shit?

Two words, air pistols.

Come in.

How's your sepsis patient?

Poor thing. Lucky she has you.

Keep me posted.

Is there something else?

Uh, yeah. I said I
needed to talk to you.

You did?

Oh, right. The schedule.

Well, it's not gonna work.

Jackie, your schedule's fine except that it
tumbles into 10 other people's schedules.

I do this for you, I have
to do it for everybody.

Gloria, you understand this
is my one shot at custody.

You just have to sign
it. Nobody has to know.

I'm sorry. I can't.

Congrats on the new promotion.

And I heard how you got
the bug out of that kid's ear.

I think I'm gonna
learn a lot from you.

Yeah, you know,
I think you will.

Like not dismissing a sepsis
patient's complaints as drug trolling.

And to aid in your
learning, I have a job for you.

We have a patient in three who
is suffering from impacted bowels.

Dis-impact them.

It's good to be chief.

She can go all hoochie, but the
big man is saving it. Just saying.

I gave those flowers away,
Thor. Bring them back.

Oh, darn. He's allergic.

Probably to "tacky,"
but you can enjoy them.

Congratulations. Our
one millionth dog bite.

Freeze!

Wash 'em, cowboy.

I want my mom.

I already called her. She
booked the next flight out.

There's something you
need to know, Hannah.

This is my house,
and in my house,

the odds are in your
favor. You got it?

You paged?

I have to talk to
you. It's Prentiss.

What about him?

Bad enough he took your
job away. Now he's on my ass.

He's giving me extra work.

I was being so nice to
him, and then he was like,

"Go give an enema to Mr..."

Worthington.

I'm sorry. I just... Can you...

I can give him
the enema for you.

For real?

You're so awesome.

On your side, sir.

On your side. Ah.

I feel like I'm gonna
learn a lot from you.

What are you doing Saturday?

Free all day. Yup. You are?

That's... That's great.
Can you cover my shift?

Sure.

Oh, my God.

I would so totally hug you if
your hand wasn't in his ass.

Hello?

Here it comes.

People, I have an
announcement to make.

The new chief of ER
will be Dr. Ike Prentiss.

That is all.

Gloria, here it is.

What's this?

These are my new
hours we just worked out.

You told me to bring it to
you so you could sign it.

You don't remember?

Hey, what's up?

Breaking news.

My hours are now
officially custody friendly.

Akalitus signed off
on a new schedule.

Kevin?

Yeah, I'm here.

My lawyer decided
to petition the court

for psychological
tests on the kids.

We're going for primary custody.

You... Your lawyer?
We're mediating.

It's called a forensic
evaluation and...

What the hell, Kevin?

We made a deal. I fixed my
hours like you asked me to.

Now you're gonna fucking
change the rules on me?

You're talking to me
about following rules?

Seriously?

I never thought I'd ever
find any part of this funny.

Don't take this the wrong
way, but you look like shit.

Kevin wants psych
tests for the girls.

That sucks.

And you know what?

I think Kevin is engaging in
anger behavior towards you

for changing the relationship
dynamic when you got sober.

No, I think he's pretty
much just being an asshole.

Why do you sound
like a self-help book?

I've been going to
Al-Anon meetings.

I am learning so much about you.

Now I'm going to
detach with love.

Oh, damn it.

Dr. Roman, please
answer your page to ICU.

Her sepsis is
causing renal failure.

Thanks for coming, Doctor, after
I've already stabilized your patient.

Put the phone down, Dr. Roman.

Anyone seen my phone?

Jackie, did you...

Yup, it's a bitch
without the pills.

Especially with Kevin
kicking my ass over the girls.

Some birthday.

Yeah, I just keep wondering

when it is I'm supposed to
get to the happy part, right?

Whoa. Jesus Christ.

I just need to get something.

Hey.

Hey.

I thought for your birthday
I'd give you a ride home.

Oh, Eddie. Thanks, that's
sweet. Can I take a rain check?

I've just had one of those days.

Sure.

You wanna talk about it?

No, it's Kevin.
It's custody stuff.

Except, now, he wants the
girls to have psych testing.

That's hardball.

What the hell am
I supposed to do?

What can you do?

Maybe I can catch
somebody in psych.

Find out what this
test is all about.

Try Dr. Saltzman.
She's the best.

Tell her I sent you.

And, uh, I'm around
if you need anything.

Now this is a nice
birthday present.

Just this. You and me like this.

It's just... I don't even know
what I'm saying. Thank you.

It's what I'm here for.

Where's the lady?

Change of plans. Oh.

Thanks anyway, Chief.

All right.

I thought you were working late.

Surprise!

Happy birthday, Mom!
Oh, my gosh, you guys!

Oh, my... I thought
you were at Dad's!

We were till Zoey came over.

She and Dad went for a walk and
then he said we could come see you.

We brought a pinata
and cake. Yeah.

Live from London.

Surprise!

No way! No.

I missed you so much!

Cheers, birthday girl!

What happened?

Yay! Got her back!

Yay!

Are you kidding?

Next batter. Fi,
you're up. Strike.

Give it all you got.

- One, two, three...
- Two, three... Go.

Oh!

Honey, nice try. Yeah!

Show 'em how it's done.

Come on, Grace.
It's against the ropes.

Yeah, come on!

Very nice. Nice, nice.

Very, very good.

One shot, sweetie.
You only get one.

You know what I'd
really like for my birthday?

How about you draw me a picture?

Of what?

I would love a
picture of our family.

Okay.

Is that me or Grace?

You. See the smile?

Oh, yes. It's my birthday smile.

Now Daddy.

Yes, we can't forget Daddy.

But where do you think
Daddy is? Is he at work maybe?

Or maybe he's at his apartment?

Hey.

I'm... I just wanted to say
thank you for the surprise.

The nice surprise.
The girls. Thank you.

Enjoy 'em while you can.

I got another surprise
today. You ready for this?

Flowers from my father.

No shit.

From Hank, huh? Jesus.

It's hard growing up
with just one parent.

You made your bed.

Come on, can you give
me a break, Kevin, please?

I know you're angry
at me. I'm angry at you.

This is about the girls.

This psych test, just
a really shitty move.

Grace is already
filled with rage.

Fi is struggling in school.
Why do you think that is?

Who's sweating the
test? Them or you?

Look, so I talked to a
child psychologist at work

to find out about this test.

Do you know what she told me?

They ask the kids to draw
a picture of their family

and then they tell
them to start erasing.

So, guess what Fi drew
for me for my birthday.

Take a look at
this. First of all,

look how little
she made herself.

You're only making my case.

Second of all, look at you, Kev.

Way over here off to the side.

So I'm just saying,

once these girls start erasing,

who do you think
is gonna go first?