Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 5, Episode 5 - Good Thing - full transcript

Previously on "Nurse Jackie"...

Someone forgot to schedule any
nurses for the day shift tomorrow

or the late shift tomorrow night.

I am this close to reporting

her absentminded ass to the board.

This is where I grow some sack

and tell you I cancelled our reservation.

Actually, this is where
I get bored and walk away.

See you on the outside?

Charlie?

Oh, Jesus Christ.



I just need to get something.

Real quick.

Take it in.

I'm sorry, are you flirting with me?

Well, that just killed it.

So do you want to do this again?

Because I do.

I am a recovering drug addict.

So it's a date.

What are you doing
coming out of the subway?

- She has a boyfriend.
- A boyfriend?

You're 17, she is 14.

This is not happening.

Good morning.



So, me, Taylor, and Crosby are doing

"Hunger Games" tonight at Madison's.

- Those are all girls, right?
- Yes, all girls.

And Madison's mom will be there?

- Of course.
- Okay, because you know I will call her.

Are you going to the gym?

Yes. It's very hard to be a role model.

- What's in the bag?
- Oh, my God. Zoey!

- Jesus! Don't scare me!
- I didn't sc...

So what's in the gym bag?

Uh, that would be none of your business.

I know you are not going to the gym.

- Money?
- No.

- Heroin?
- Heroin. Yes, it's heroin.

- Oh...
- No, it's not heroin. It's a dress.

It's a couple of dresses, okay?

You either have a job interview

or you're going on a date.

A date.

I knew it. With the cop.

Did I call it?

Yes, I called it.

You wore me down. You
just dragged it out of me.

Can we be at work now, please?

They're gonna wrinkle in there.

I'll hang them up.

Okay, fine. Hang them up.

What the hell? Go hang them up.

I can be your bridesmaid
today, if you want.

You don't want.

I just stepped off a curb
and... bam... twisted my knee.

- I feel like an idiot.
- Yep.

- It says here you're a dancer.
- Alvin Ailey.

First show opens in two weeks.

- Now this.
- Yeah, that's great. Bend.

Bet you didn't know that Dr. Prentiss here

is a huge fan of modern dance.

Yeah, I like modern okay, but
actually I'm more of an ABT man.

Seen "Don Quixote"? Killed.

What?

Get him up to X-ray in
a-five, six, seven, eight.

We are running low on suture kits.

How can an ER run low on suture kits?

Um... Gloria, you said

you were going to order the suture kits.

Oh.

Pardon the interruptio

Feel free to use my office
to change for your date.

Can you get this filled
for his pain, please?

You don't have to be nervous.

Who's nervous? Why would I be nervous?

About your date... with that cop.

He seems all right.

Can anybody have any
privacy around this place?

Privacy in a hospital? Please.

There's a reason the gowns
don't close in the back.

That's hilarious.

First date since you split up with Kev.

It's gotta be weird.

I'd kill for weird.

I've never been sober in a dress.

Oh.

Don't freak out. It's just a date.

Get dressed, show up, you'll be fine.

Believe me... you do that,

there's not a man in the
world that won't be happy.

Thanks, Eddie.

- Feel better?
- Nope.

Christ.

Stressing?

The world of dating is not
for the faint of heart, Jackie.

I bet you look at me and think,

"There's a man with confidence.

There's a man whose
romantic life rolls easy."

I do everything but throw up before a date.

I won't tell a soul.

Let me show you a little
something that works for me.

Quiet room, flat on the floor.

Deep breathing.

Zen magic.

- Oh, hey, Carrie.
- Hey, Coop.

It's magic.

- Jackie.
- Yeah.

I know it's like a foreign object to you.

It's lipstick for tonight.

Okay. No secrets here.

Do you like it?

- Yeah, it's very nice.
- It's all yours.

Really? Thank you.

Any chance I could get you to steer

that head lice guy to some other doc?

No.

Oh, just keep it.

I have hundreds.

Help me! Please!

I got shot.

Give me some help here.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Jesus. A pumper.

Prentiss is coming and a gurney.

Get them out, please. Get them out.

It's a walk-in GSW.

Keep that pressure on. That's perfect.

- Stay with us, honey.
- Let's get her in there.

Holy shiznit. Baby's coming.

- We can't move her now.
- Yeah, she's crowning.

Okay, I'm gonna need
you to swap with Jackie.

Thor, get me some warm blankets,

an OB kit, and an infant warmer now.

Zoey's got it.

Okay, hon, start pushing.

My baby!

Her name's Michelle.

Hi, Michelle. Your baby's coming.

Don't worry. I'm right here.

Okay, stop pushing now

and blow like this...

She's stable, but we
gotta get her upstairs.

- How close?
- Michelle, you're doing a great job.

A nice big push, okay?

Getting there. Breathe.

Give me a push.

Good. Keep breathing.

Give me another push.

One more.

It's a girl.

- Okay, there.
- You've got it.

Let's cut the cord.

All right.

Okay, on my count.

One, two, three. Easy.

Let's go.

Favorite trauma ever.

I feel so alive,

like I just ate a bunch of fresh fish.

I am this close to Tebowing.

Off to Radiology.

Excuse me, who's helping you

get dressed for your date tonight?

Uh, nobody. I'm a grown-up.

Hey.

You did all right today.

Aw, are you kidding me?

No one saw that?

I am on fire here, people.

All right, what are you doing?

Does this thing get Skype?

- What?
- Skype.

You know, you-look-at-people-while-
you-talk- to-them Skype... Skype?

I don't know. Who you calling?

English doctor friend.

She's a girl and she's fancy, no offense.

None taken.

Isn't it, like, midnight in London?

She's got a baby. There's no sleeping.

Oh.

Okay. It's downloading.

- What the fuck?
- It's not them, all right?

It's the computer. It's a relic.

Not so hard on the keys, please.

- It's one date.
- Yeah, easy for you to say.

One date.

Yeah, I don't know what can
happen watching "The Hunger Games."

You know, I'd just feel better
if there's a parent there.

I know.

Thanks, Elaine.

What's the deal with Akalitus?

Uh, besides being awesome at the GSW today?

Oh, okay, so she went back to being a nurse

for about 10 minutes,
and she was a good one.

But as an administrator... come on.

She forgot to order those
suture kits today, didn't she?

She also forgot to
schedule two nurse shifts.

Hell, she even named me chief

without telling anyone, including me.

All right, what do you want?

I want to know in a life-death business

that we're all here.

I wanted to see how you were doing.

- You want to hold her?
- Yes.

What's her name?

Don't have one yet.

What's your name?

Zoey.

What's your middle name?

It's okay.

X-ray's clean. Looks like
you only have a sprained knee.

Keep that bandage on it
and ice and elevate, okay?

Really? I'm fine?

- You're fine.
- Get rest.

You'll be ready for your opening.

File this.

- Dr. Cooper?
- That is me.

Look at this.

This is not the X-ray of a
man that should be discharged.

Am I correct?

Fuckin' A. Where is this guy?

Prentiss just let him go.

Oh.

You're gonna wanna be there for this.

- Wait, wait!
- What are you doing?

Your patient does not have a sprained knee.

It's a spiral fracture. Look.

See all these microscopic splinters?

That's where the bone has
literally twisted apart.

The whole bone is completely unstable.

- And you caught this?
- Yes.

Well, she caught, I diagnosed.

You are not gonna be discharged.

You're going up to Ortho to see a surgeon.

You'll be out of commission
for about six months,

but you'll still have a career.

I'll take him up.

Hey, we all miss things sometimes.

It's a whiff.

- Shake it off.
- Yeah, whatever, man.

100.

Fucking Prentiss.

You saved his ass.

I'm just gonna say it... I should be chief.

You would be awesome.

He fucked up.

Look what he missed.

The spiral fracture of the... ?

- Medial condyle.
- Right.

Coop...

you're a born healer.

You may not be ER chief, but you're mine.

See? You get me.

I do.

Now you'll get me.

Tss, tss, mm.

Thank you, God.

Thank you, guy with the fucked-up knee.

Every time I call you,
I wonder if I'm crazy.

Hmm.

Well, I guess I'm only
crazy if you answer, right?

I don't know what I'm doing.

Why am I going on a date?
I don't wanna go on date.

What I wanna do is get a handful of pills

and crush them up and snort a big fat line.

Oh, man, I wish you were here.

What are you doing?

I thought you were getting dressed.

I don't think I can do this.

- Not go?
- Come on, you just need a little help.

I feel like I'm suddenly

on one of those makeover reality shows.

- Zoey.
- That you hate, right.

Do we even like any of this?

You know, you're not making
me feel any better here, guys.

These are really cute,
but they're crazy wrinkled.

Wow.

I'll be okay with those
shoes in a few minutes.

We have to get a picture.

- No, we really don't have to get...
- Of the whole team.

Okay, we're gonna take a picture.

Okay.

Gouda.

- Nice!
- Okay, I'm going to be late.

Go, then. Go.

Thank you, guys.

Wow. Have fun.

Hey, Danny.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Sorry. Parking.
- Aw, that's all right.

It'd be pretty awkward if I had
to get you out of a ticket tonight.

Or write me one.

You look great.

I have never done that in my life.

- So, this is it?
- Yeah.

I was trying to figure
out what I was gonna have

so I knew walking in.

I'm gonna have a $40
salad and a $15 seltzer.

You know the bubbles are imported?

Of course they are.

Well, you wanna go in?

Um...

- You know what I would love?
- What?

Fish and chips.

I don't think they're gonna have that here.

No, but I think there's this little place

on the corner.

Yeah?

- Two boys, huh?
- Yeah.

I live in fart land.

Well, I live in snarky
stuffed animal cluster.

One second they hate you,

then they wanna sit on your lap.

Yeah, well, you know the
drill. That's half the battle.

Yeah, yeah. I'm a mother.
What are you gonna do?

You gonna finish your pommes frites?

Oh, by all means.

Thank you.

See? This is much better.

Oh, boy, this is much better.

I'm standing outside that French
restaurant waiting for you,

I feel like I'm going up
this giant roller coaster.

There's a big drop coming, you know?

Yeah, I had a little
bit of that myself today.

Okay, first date after my
divorce, I'm nervous as hell.

I take half a Valium to calm down.

Pass out, miss the whole thing.

Nice. Very nice.

Look, I hope this doesn't
scare you at all, but...

I really like you.

Uh, yeah, it does a little.

But in a good way.

I'll take it.

Take it. You got kids.

- Hello?
- Lose the date.

I need to talk to you.

You all right?

Um... not really.

I gotta go.

- Is there anything I can do?
- Uh, no.

- No. I gotta go.
- I get it. Kids come first.

- Go ahead. Get outta here.
- I'm so sorry.

Little bastards.

I don't think I should be here.

Danny, let's just go.

I'm going.

Hey, you wanna party?

I couldn't get rid of his phone.

I heard your messages. All of them.

He was such a sweet boy.

It's no matter which picture I look at...

They say time heals.

It's bullshit.

Time's a thief.

You seeing anyone?

Like a counselor?

Women?

None I could trust.

You're the only person who knew him.

I miss him all the time.

Mom?

It's me again. Where are you?

Hey.

Hay is for horses.

Where are you going?

It's my phone.

Oh, shit.

Fuck.

- What?
- It's Grace.

She called me like 10 times.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.