Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 4, Episode 1 - Kettle-Kettle-Black-Black - full transcript

Previously on Nurse Jackie...

I started leaning
on painkillers.

There is nothing
to be worried about.

For the pain.

Percocet? JACKIE: Yes, please.

Already worried. Don't be.

Did she give you a whole
song and dance about her back?

You can't believe
a word she says.

I don't know whose MRI
you saw, but it wasn't hers.

I'm here to see Jackie Peyton.

And you are? Her husband.



Jackie's not married.

I don't keep secrets, Jackie.

Kevin, neither do I.

I never would have gotten
involved if I knew you were married.

This lies on top of lies crap...

Maybe you can
live like that, I can't.

Hi, guys. Mom!

We've been exploring the
possibility of medication.

Really, Grace?

One's on meds, the
other one's starting fires.

Whatever we're doing
is messing them up.

HR has issued
mandatory urine tests.

Hope you're happy.

I'm not.



Fuck 'em.

I can't look at her lately.

There's all this unspoken
shit hanging there.

You gotta know
what I'm talking about.

We got a problem. Kevin knows.

He doesn't know anything.

Kevin's in admitting.
With the girls.

All right, I'm here. Just say
what you fucking gotta say.

I had an affair.

Pack your bags.

No phone, no
caffeine, no makeup.

Okay.

Unzip it, please.

If you want to go through
my bag, be my guest.

I'm not your guest.

Please open the bag.

Empty it out, please.

Did anybody help you pack?

No.

And it was in your
possession the whole time?

What am I, getting on a plane?

Yes, I packed my own bag. It's
been in my possession the whole time.

Let's make this really clear.

You're accountable now
for every item in this bag,

every word out of your
mouth, every move you make.

That's my toothpaste.

Guess how many nurses crush up
their oxy and reseal their toothpaste.

Don't test me.

There's toothpaste
in the bathroom.

I'm here to get
better, not worse.

We'll see.

From what I've seen so
far, detox is gonna be a bitch.

Welcome to rehab.

Quantum Bay. Here you go.

I can't believe they
bought All Saints.

This is what they
own. Hotels, firearms,

railways, tobacco and baby food.

They sound busy. Maybe
they'll leave us alone.

Hilarious. I didn't get lunch.

No one did.

Key change.

Has anyone else noticed that
O'Hara's looking a little puffy?

Kettle, kettle, black, black.

Sorry. I thought you
were gone for the day.

Nope. Leaving now.

Hey, Jackie. I got
something for you.

Can't it wait till tomorrow?

No, it'll just take
a sec. Come on.

So, I was walking by a church,

and this is just
sitting there on a step.

Pretty fucking perfect, huh?

No blindsides, Eddie, okay?
Not today. I really can't handle it.

I've waited a respectable
amount of time, Jackie.

And I've laid low and I can stay
low as long as you want me to.

Don't do this,
please. Don't do this.

Well, I'm doing it.

Now we can take
it nice and slow.

I can take you out on a date.

Maybe a little moonlight.

What?

It's not a thrill if we're
not sneaking around?

It only works if
I'm forbidden fruit?

Forbidden fruit? Really?

Slater's AWOL. I need
you for another hour.

I'm off the clock.

Well, get back on.

Oxy sat.

Any word from the ICU?

I don't know. I'm not...

Oxygen levels, what are they?

By the way, crying
on the floor, not cool.

I'm not a nurse.
I'm his girlfriend.

I'm a dog groomer. I
came right from work.

I'm so sorry. I thought
you were a temp nurse.

I told him it didn't matter.
We should come to the ER.

Someone should look at it
'cause we'll just fuck it up.

Well, you're here now. We're
gonna take very good care of him.

Yeah, but that English lady
said his organs might shut down.

We're gonna have plenty of
warning signs if that's gonna happen.

We're on it. Don't you worry.

I will be right back.

Not great timing, fully
aware, but I love your scrubs.

Watch yourself.

Watch your own fucking self.

Is that really necessary?

To get your doctor head out of
your doctor ass, yeah, I guess it is.

My hands are full, yours aren't.

He can't die.

I know, honey.

Here, put something
in your stomach.

You're not gonna want to
eat in the ICU, believe me.

Good night and good luck.

Here's the thing.

Fuck, you scared me.

Yeah, I kind of doubt that.

Fuck, here goes nothing.

Jackie Peyton, were you
sleeping with me for my drugs?

You know, I'm not
even gonna dignify that.

Dignify it.

Did the drugs figure
in? I don't know.

Probably. I guess. I don't know.

You don't know?

Did you love me?
Do you know that?

Answer me.

Was I gonna run away and
start a life with you? No, I was not.

You want to do yourself in, go right
ahead. Leave the rest of us alone.

Fucking seriously.

God help you, Jackie.

That fish is going to be so fat.

I just wish they'd
get over themselves.

Her more than him. It's
his house. He bought it.

Bailey Dickler's dad lives in
the same building Dad does.

Bailey Dickler's dad wanted
to move out, our dad didn't.

I still like the pool.

Dad!

You ready? What do you need, Fi?

If you move back in,
can we still go to the pool?

If I move back in, I will dig you
a pool with my own bare hands.

Let's go, guys.

Buy you a drink?

I got two.

No one really talks to
each other anymore, though.

Kids or wives?

Both. Either.

I don't know. How
many kids you got?

It's just me.

You're full of shit.

That I am.

You're pretty.

I'm pretty fucked up.

You know that
expression "sheer bliss"?

No, not really.

Well, steer clear,

'cause they put the
sheer in front of the bliss

because they know that the bliss
eventually is gonna evaporate.

I got high this one time,

and it was about six
years ago, and this bliss,

it came at me, like,
in waves. You know?

And it felt like a fucking
regiment. You know?

I've been chasing it
like a ghost ever since.

And no matter how hard I try or
how far I reach, I just can't get it.

It's like, what's the
fucking point, you know?

You want to go again?

Yes.

Good.

Are you okay? Are you okay?

Whoa.

All right, come here. Lay down.

Easy, easy, easy, easy.

Okay, don't fight
me. Easy, easy.

Oh, God.

Shhh.

Oh, my God. Fuck. Really?

No. No, I'm all right. How
fast can you get over here?

No, wait. You're
gonna want to judge me.

Just don't judge me. Just don't.

Okay, this begs a judgment.

Can we get him in your town car?

Are you out of your mind?
Isn't that a stupid question?

No, we cannot get
him in my town car.

Well, he can't stay here.

On that we agree.

Lenny. I can call Lenny. Lenny's
got his own rig. He lives in Queens.

I can call... I'm
gonna call Lenny.

Do me a favor. Plug your
ears. You're gonna hate this.

I hate everything about this.

Hello? Lenny, hi. It's Jackie.

I'm sorry... I'm
sorry to wake you up.

I need your help.

I'm looking out my window here and
I'm seeing this guy staggering around.

I think he's having a heart... There
he goes. He just fell down again.

He's having a heart attack
or something, I don't know.

I can't really tell. I'm
gonna go out there.

Where are you?

48th, between 6th and Wade.

I'll be right there.

Okay, yeah. Keep
the sirens off, okay?

There's kids
sleeping around here.

Okay.

You want to go on a ride-along?

Mm-hmm. Yep.

And the Oscar
goes to dot, dot, dot.

You can't sit.

He's gonna be
here in two minutes.

You've got to help me clean up.

Nope. No?

I'll declare the body dead, I'll sign
what I need to sign and be gone.

Gone from this house,
gone from your life.

I am done cleaning up after you.

And I'm not judging.

If anything, I hold myself
entirely responsible.

Well, don't. Okay?

I killed my marriage.
I fucked up my kids.

I'm the reason that Eddie
has a fucking gun to his head.

I'm the one with the
pee test in a computer

ready to jump out like a
fucking jack-in-the-box. I did it!

So what do I do? I go to a
church, I pick up a stranger,

and I nearly fuck him to death.

He's not nearly dead. He's dead!

I nearly fucked him,
not he's nearly dead.

Well, that's
completely different.

Look, there's nothing left to
wreck, but I can't stop wrecking.

I can't stop. And I want
to and I don't. And I can't...

Somebody just needs
to fucking lock me up.

God, I think I need
to go to rehab.

Oh.

You have guests.

I have guests.

We're here. Hi!

Okay, not a bridal shower.

Whoa.

You haul him in here yourself?

Oh, my God! And hi! I mean, hi.

Very sad. Yeah.

How did he...

Is he a cardiac
arrest or an overdose?

Cardiac arrest. Cardiac arrest.

Feels kind of
druggy, though, right?

You are not wrong.

You are an awesome neighbor.

And you are an awesome doctor.

Out here in the middle of the
night, that shit's professional.

Voices down. Girls are sleeping.

Way to live the job, ladies.

We need to get you out of here.

Let's do this.

I'll get the feet.

I'll get the head.

Yes, Wednesday's fantastic.

I will change my
mind by Wednesday.

Okay, cancel that. We
need to do this today.

No, I will not hold. God.

I'm on hold.

It's 28 Days. They
specialize in pills.

Me, too.

Yes, I'm still here.

Good. That's more like it.

Bye.

You'll be joining them on
the lido deck at 4:00 pm.

I suggest you get
your ducks in a row.

I got to talk to Akalitus. Shit.

The sun's coming up.

It always does.

I don't know what
planet you're living on.

Hey. Look who's awake.
How are you guys doing?

I feel way better than
I did, that's for sure.

You were nearly dead, Dustin.

Wow, look at that. White
blood cells going up.

You guys packing for the ICU?

Um... Dustin wants to go home.

Uh, sweetie, no.

How am I gonna pay for this?

He wants to dine and dash.

Don't tell her that.

Look, if I could sneak you out
the back door with a couple of pills,

believe me, I would do it.

But I'm starting to feel better.

That's because
you spent the night

on supplemental
oxygen and IV fluids.

You're gonna need 72 hours of
bed rest and intravenous antibiotics.

This is not something
you can do on your couch.

Will you do me a favor and let
me see if I can hurry up the ICU?

Yeah, fine. Do it.

Even if you get a bed, he'll still
leave. He doesn't believe he'll die.

Just keep him in
here until I get back.

How?

Sit on him. He's too
weak to push you off.

Just do it.

May I have your
attention, please?

Hey, everybody.

Listen, I know you're all busy,

so just keep doing
what you're doing,

and while you do, I'll go
ahead and introduce myself.

My name is Mike Cruz.

Some of you might have
seen me in the hallway.

I am a physician and I
work for Quantum Bay,

but I also work for you.

Seriously, it's
okay. Keep working.

Here's the deal.

We're taking All
Saints into the future.

But the present is so handsome.

Thanks.

Keep breathing, Thor.

As I was saying,

I have seen beleaguered hospitals
metamorphose into profitable,

dynamic medical centers
time and time again.

And it always begins right here in
trauma, the linchpin of the hospital.

You ought to be really proud.

We do great works. We do charitable
works, but we are not a charity.

Thanks for listening.

You left the floor while he
was still talking. Unacceptable.

He said to keep working.
That's what I did. Zoey, bed two.

Dustin and Cori, this is Zoey.

Zoey, I need you to show Cori how
to start a line and administer meds.

We're sending him home with
72 hours of intravenous antibiotics.

I need you to get them cab
fare and get them out of here.

Cori, give your number to Zoey
so she can check in, which she will,

every three hours
around the clock.

She doesn't have
to call at night.

Yes, I do.

Dustin, don't be an idiot. Something
happens at 4:00 in the morning,

she's your girl.

Zoey Barkow, most
reliable nurse I know.

Rely on her.

Oh, no, you don't.

I thought I had till 4:00.

Well, they can take you now.

You seem eager to get rid of me.

I am.

Okay, so...

I'm sorry if I made a bad
impression on Mike Cruz

during his Jerry Maguire moment
or whatever the hell that was.

That was not my intention.

Well, what was your intention?

To leave early. No.

Gloria, I need to leave, and I
need to cash in my vacation days.

Yeah, yeah, I do.

And I'm not talking about
a week. I'm talking about

28 days.

28 days.

Where are you going?

Disneyland.

When are they expecting you?

Today. Now.

This is not good timing.

I know. I'm sorry.

It's a small window.
If I don't get in,

they're gonna give my
bed to somebody else.

Well, yes, that is
how Disneyland works.

Go.

Don't be late.

Jackie.

Do what they say.

I will. Thanks.

Car's out front.

What am I gonna tell my kids?

Maternity. Radiology.
Oncology. Respectable earners.

Who's the short one?

Jackie Peyton. Nurse Jackie.

Tall one's O'Hara.

We used to be in a
locked-horn pitch battle

like two-rams-on-the-side
-of-a-cliff thing.

She wanted to be chief.
You want an introduction?

I got it. Hey, you gonna pay for
those meds you stole during my intro?

Dock my pay.

Pull up your trousers.

That's Jackie. Brrr.

And I have to go. I'm sorry. It's a
work thing. We have new owners.

It's just a month.
It's four little weeks.

Dad got us a Wii.

Well, have a good month.

You want to say
hi to Dr. O'Hara?

Say hi.

You okay? You look a little...

I'm fine. It's a training thing.
All the nurses have to go.

We have to get recertified.

All right, I've got to go, Kev.

Yeah.

Grace, Fi. Let's go back up.

Dr. Cruz, welcome.

There's a razor-thin line between
life and death, profit and loss.

I know you know all this.

I pulled your
file. You're smart.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

And at the risk of embarrassing
myself by stating the obvious

to someone who's been doing this

as long and as well as you have,

the mortal enemy of
efficiency is redundancy.

Well, it's not that obvious.

No need to be modest.

It's an impressive career.

I mean, two years
away from your pension.

Wait, I'm not here to
take money from pensions

or to swap out
old-timers for college kids.

College kids don't
have the value.

I came here right from
college. I like to think I had value.

You did. And you do.

But the fact of the
matter is I'm here now.

So this job, your job,

is redundant.

I don't think it is.

Well, we'll agree to disagree.

I am here now.

And that means we
have a couple of options.

Now, you can go back on
the floor, work as a nurse,

work for two years,
the pension stays intact.

And the other option?

Cash out at half.

Am I still their boss?

Is that important to you?

I wouldn't have asked.

Then it's important to me.

It's cold season, Dr. Cruz.

What's up, man?

We got to talk.

Are you drunk? It's not a
good time. The girls are here.

I know the girls are
here. That's why I'm here.

'Cause you're
gonna lose your shit

and you can't kill
me if they're here.

You don't got an
ax in here, do you?

Go home, Eddie.

Kev, you got to take yourself off
the hook about fucking that girl.

'Cause I know for a
fact Jackie was fucking

some retarded
sad sack for years.

We're talking years,
Kevin. Like four.

And it was me.

She was fucking me.

Take it easy, man!

Easy!

That's it. That's all you get.

Hey, guys. You
want to live with Dad?

I am paying you back.

Nonsense. It's not nonsense.

Things are gonna be
different when I get out.

Yeah, well, they've got to be.

I can't go pulling you
out of fires anymore.

I'm 16 weeks.

You're pregnant?

Really?

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, let's review, shall we?

How many times have
you lied to my face,

tricked me into writing
checks and prescriptions

while all the time
snorting God knows what

and trying to make me
believe I was actually

making a difference
in your life?

For safekeeping.