Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 3, Episode 8 - The Astonishing - full transcript
Jackie visits Bill at his diner only to find that he has no pills for her. While helping Akalitus, Thor helps her face a deeper fear. Two drunk high school girls arrive in the ER after one of them face plants on the sidewalk. Coop is attempting to throw away his childish things that have cluttered his office. Jackie needs to get to Immaculate Virgin to see Grace perform in the Saint Pageant.
Previously on Nurse Jackie...
There are more
than 10,000 saints.
What if I choose the
wrong one for the pageant?
How much you got?
Two hundred bucks.
I would love to
hear your thoughts
about how All Saints can
better service the community,
especially in relation to
childhood obesity issues.
Chung was a killer when
it came to kids' health.
Yes, Lily is a killer.
All right, you're having
a hard day. I can tell.
Kevin, can I... Let me explain.
Are you fucking
out of your mind?
This is old. This
is not from now.
This is from a long time ago.
Okay? Thirty days clean.
We are okay, Kevin. It is okay.
It is okay. We're okay.
I am Christina the Astonishing.
I am from Belgium.
I am remembered for my faith
and my violent fits of ecstasy.
Grace, honey, please stay still.
You are gonna look great
for this pageant thing tonight.
Mom, I'm trying to
practice my speech.
Sorry.
And it's not a
pageant. It's a litany.
Well, whatever it
is, you're going to be
the prettiest
saint on the stage.
The storm kept me up and
now I can't remember my lines.
I was born a peasant...
I was born a peasant,
and when I was 21 years old,
I had epilepsy and died.
What's epilepsy?
It's a neurological disorder
in which you have seizures.
Honey, yes, that's absolutely
right, but if you don't stay still,
I'm going to poke
you with this thing.
What are seizures?
I have to practice,
with gestures.
Wow, Gracie, you
look astonishing.
Dad.
When they had my funeral...
When they had my
funeral, I came back to life
in my coffin and I
floated up to the rafters
and told everybody in the church
that I saw heaven and hell
and purgatory while I was dead.
Kev, can you pass
me those wings?
She didn't have wings.
It says she floats
up to the rafters
of the church. I
made them last night.
If she had wings, it
wouldn't be a miracle.
All right. You yell at the
nuns with that mouth?
Saints, not angels, babe.
I'm never gonna
remember my lines.
You're gonna do great. You're
gonna knock it out of the park.
You're gonna
dominate. You're gonna
crack them and rack
them and stack them.
Dad. And we're gonna be there,
snapping pictures.
You'll be fine, sweetie pie.
Just try to relax, keep
your shoulders back,
your eyes straight
ahead, keep breathing.
What is the worst
that could happen?
Greg, how about
you just do your job?
And your job is to remove
the naked Grecian dude
from my living room.
Yeah, or I take my
business elsewhere.
Thank you.
Interior decorator wants
to go all Greco-Roman.
That's fascinating.
Can I get a hug?
Moving into a condo.
Hey, how about
that storm last night?
What? No small talk, just a hug?
Just a hug.
Sorry, fresh out.
Flying to Miami
tonight to re-up.
Painkiller capital of the world.
Old people, gotta love 'em.
You're going out of town?
You've gotta have something.
Okay, look,
after work, come by my place,
I'll see if I can't scrounge
something up for you, okay?
Your place, like your home?
Relax.
Right up the block.
It's the deco joint with
the gargoyles on top.
Go figure.
There's a doorman.
I'll see you later.
Twenty-five-year-old male,
went nuts on the High Line.
Threatened to jump, clawed a
chunk of skin out of his own neck.
Sherm or dust?
We're thinking dust.
He bent the gurney
with his bare hands.
I need a tox screen and Thor.
Bring me my giant!
It's dust for sure.
It's totally PCP.
Either way, keep
him in restraints.
Personally, I think
he's a glue-sniffer.
It looks more like a
sherm stick, a cigarette
dipped in formaldehyde.
Totally cuckoo.
Everyone has opinions.
No one has information.
Goodbye. Overdose?
Wow.
It's so hard to know what's
going on inside someone.
Yes, indeed, it is.
Yes, well, you
two can stand here
and mull over
his right to privacy
while Thor draws blood
for a tox screen. Thor?
On it.
I have a gift certificate
to Utsav. Indian. $50.
Wanna have lunch?
You and I?
Jackie, too. It's $50.
Jacks, Zoey's
invited us to lunch.
Today? Let me think about it.
Come on. It's one lunch.
Really?
'Cause if either of you
ever asked me to lunch...
I've invited you to lunch.
I know, and I
jumped at the chance.
Come on, I do everything for you
guys. I sing your praises on high.
And now I want to buy you lunch
and you're looking at each
other like, "I'll go if you go."
Shh! Oh!
Fine, I'll say it out loud.
Jackie, I'll go if you go.
Yeah, no, it's fine with
me. Lunch is lunch.
What?
No one sounds excited.
In with the new, out
with the old. New phone.
She sounds excited.
Come in.
I wanted to give you a heads up.
My phone's gonna
be down for a little bit.
I made this in the fifth grade.
Very nice.
It's a diorama of a 19th
century dentist's office.
The three of us made it
together for social studies.
We were up all night.
I'm gonna have this conversation
with you once and only once.
Your mothers called
me, both of them.
They told me about the divorce
and that they're worried about you.
This is not my job!
You have two mothers.
You don't need a third.
Get your act together
and clean your office.
This is a health hazard.
What would you
do if you were me?
I'd purge.
Back from the lab.
Spazzed-out guy in 3? PCP.
He's due for Ativan.
Do you mind?
Drug cases are
kind of weird for me.
You know, I'm just trying
to negotiate everything.
The drug cases? Really?
Sam, you're a nurse. You
don't get to choose who you treat.
No, I know. I'm
just saying if...
Okay, what would your
sponsor or whatever tell you?
He'd tell me to be of service.
Okay, be of service, be a
productive member of this staff.
Assist Dr. O'Hara in
treating this afflicted man.
Yeah. Yeah, you're...
I'm sorry, Jackie. You're right.
You would so kick ass in AA.
What? She would.
You're on your own.
Sore topic.
Not for me.
This is Dr. Cooper. He's
gonna be taking care of you.
These ladies skipped school,
hit the bottle, then hit the sidewalk.
I fell.
She was like, bop!
He's totally the guy
from the bus stop.
The "looks can cure" guy?
Oh, my God, you're so hot.
Hot stop.
My God, you're totally,
like, sexy doctor man.
Stitches, and
let's get an x-ray.
We both wanna marry doctors.
Or even a nurse.
I'd get with a nurse,
cause they're healers.
Do you know it.
Doctors make some money.
Girls, I'm gonna drop
some wisdom on you.
You don't have to
do that, Dr. Cooper.
So many things that
we love are illusions.
Look at these shoes.
These shoes are $600.
Illusions.
Look at this phone.
Awesome phone.
Illusion.
But this guy, this guy is real.
Are you really real?
100%.
Aw! Shit. That tree
took out a power line.
I had no electricity for six
hours. Beer's gonna be warm.
You're up and running now.
Hey, good to know
people in high places.
I appreciate you coming out.
City Hall is going nuts, I bet.
Yeah, a terrible storm,
trees down everywhere.
I heard about this one on a
dispatch and I thought I'd swing by.
What's it been, eight years?
Fi's baptism.
Eight years.
Look, Kev,
I ran a check
just to make sure
you still owned
the place before
I trekked out here,
noticed you had an outstanding
ticket a few months back.
Yeah, I got pulled over.
Seventy-five in a 30,
two kids in the car?
I was in a rush.
Pay the ticket, Kev, you're
overdue. They will nail you.
I'm working on it.
You want a warm beer?
I'd love one.
Namaste.
India.
This is nice.
Yes, it is. Zoey, you're
right, this is a nice gesture.
So, Dr. O'Hara, how would you
characterize your friendship with Jackie?
Excuse me?
Zoey, tell me this is
not for that blog thing.
My next entry is titled:
"Doctors and Nurses:
No longer cats and dogs."
No, it isn't.
Zoey, you do realize
if you mention
either of us online,
we will cut you into little
pieces and feed you to snakes.
Your names are changed.
Lady Penelope and Taffy.
You named me Taffy?
It's just that I look at the two
of you and I see something,
you know, rare and amazing.
I think people could learn.
My fondness for nurses
does not extend beyond Jackie.
And you, of course.
Of course.
What about Kelly?
Everybody loves Kelly.
The ladies love Kelly.
Yeah, well, we are not ladies.
Way to go, Taffy.
Wait, so you guys
don't like Kelly.
No, Zoey, we did not say that.
Kinda you did.
Just in case you were
tempted to stab her.
I did that already. I punched
in star. Oh, for God's sakes.
Do you know how to work
this phone? I am so backed up.
These things are supposed to
help us do our jobs. Piece of junk.
I want to demonstrate
something to you.
Purging.
So what do you want, a cookie?
I need a hug.
No.
Come on, Gloria. Just a hug.
Don't call me that.
And no. I need Thor.
Tell him to get in here.
You know, there are lots of
people that would hug me.
Then find them and hug them.
She fucking drove
off with my kids.
I'm standing there in
the middle of nowhere,
had to call a buddy to pick
me up on his motorcycle.
Look, you married a
piece of work. Jackie?
Jackie'd chew off her own
paw before she gave an inch.
I've never been so angry
at her in my entire life.
Next day, she goes off to work.
I pack suitcases for the girls,
I put them in the
car and I take off.
You left her?
I was in a state.
I didn't realize how
fast I was going
until I saw the flashing lights.
And then what?
I got pulled over and
went home. It was just...
Rage.
What are you, a battered wife?
Taking the kids and leaving?
Fuck off, Carl.
I was out of my head.
I'd been happily
married for 15 years
and suddenly, I've
got an exit plan.
And rage.
I've got a lot of rage.
You ever consider stepping
out of your marriage?
Not permanently,
just a little something...
No.
Well, speaking only for myself,
there were a couple of times...
Yeah, I get it, but that's you.
You were a big deal,
Kev. You had your pick.
Don't ever forget that.
And I picked Jackie.
Loud and clear.
Whose bag is in the
middle of the floor?
That's our bag! All right.
You can't take that beer...
That's our beer. Private...
Pipe down!
Hey, Slater. Yeah?
What are you doing?
I'm following up
with the concussion.
Check on the PCP in 3. Now.
Yes, ma'am.
The line's crimped.
You might want to keep
him restrained. That dog bites.
He's knocked out.
Yeah, well, PCP.
All right.
Oh!
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
You've got remote access to
all phone services through VPN,
unified messaging,
rich-media conferencing,
this thing could
probably make waffles.
How do I make a telephone call?
Well, here we go.
Up and running.
Lily Chung calling.
Don't answer it.
I want to show you how it works.
Thor, listen to me.
Last night, after one
too many vodka gimlets,
I called Lily Chung
twice, maybe three times,
and left a series of increasingly
embarrassing voice mails.
Hmm. Drunk
dialing, know it well.
You're afraid of
this woman? You?
She makes me feel
unaccomplished.
She's my Voldemort.
May I?
Gloria Akalitus's office.
I see. I'm sorry, she's
not in the office right now.
Maybe I can reach
her. Hey, Megan,
see if you can reach Ms. Akalitus
at Mayor Bloomberg's office.
They're having their
Tuesday lunch. Thanks, hon.
Hello, Ms. Chung?
Oh.
Oh, of course, you can try her
tomorrow. I'll let her know you called.
Mmm. Bye.
Holler at your boy.
Oh!
Oh, come on. He gets a hug?
That looks like it hurts.
I'm fine.
That's gonna bruise.
You're gonna wanna get in front
of that, get something from Eddie.
I'm fine.
Even if it's just
for your nerves.
You look pale. You
should take something.
I'm fine.
Last call.
Ah!
This place really
does need a bar.
Hey, I heard.
You okay?
Don't know.
Well, what are we talking about?
Benzo for nerves?
Percocet for pain?
Maybe something in between?
Fuck it all. I'll live with it.
Wow. People still do that?
It's scary shit, huh?
Yeah.
It's all right.
What an asshole.
Sorry.
Hello? Mom?
Gracie, what's wrong?
I borrowed Alison's phone.
I'm in the bathroom. I'm not
supposed to be on the phone.
What's the matter, honey?
Nothing.
I just wanted to tell you
that I liked the wings
you made for me.
The wings?
You were being nice.
I was mean.
I didn't mean to be mean.
It's just that she
wasn't an angel.
She was a saint.
Oh, Gracie.
I have to go. I don't
want to get caught.
Okay, honey.
Honey?
Bye-bye.
No, thanks. I
dined with the girls.
Ooh.
That reminds me.
A little heads up from someone
who's been here awhile.
I cannot emphasize enough the
importance of getting along with Jackie.
Oh.
Well, I think we
get along great.
Why? Did she say something?
Because if she
doesn't like me...
No, no one said anything.
I tried to be gossipy and it's
totally backfiring. Abort. Abort. Abort.
Slater, you wanna try taking
it easy around the jailbait?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
The hell you don't.
I'm not gonna engage in this.
I'm not jailbait.
I wasn't talking about you.
I used to be jailbait. Shut up.
My bait used to be very jail.
Are you kidding me right now?
What are they, like, 16?
Seriously, lady,
back the fuck off.
You think I'm stupid?
If you're gonna accuse me,
do it through proper channels.
But remember, you're the
one in the men's room right now.
If you're gonna come after
me, I'm coming after you.
I know what I saw.
You're fucking high!
As you were.
Hey.
How's O'Hara?
She says she's fine.
You okay? Me?
Yeah, fine.
Is she taking anything for it?
She says she doesn't want any.
God. I think she's in
more pain than she lets on.
That PCP guy was a disaster.
I threw my back out
trying to restrain him. Mmm.
Well, back again, huh?
Try Pilates or something?
You know what, Eddie?
Fuck you.
So, just to be clear, are
we throwing these out or...
No. What?
No. We're just...
We're just keeping them in here.
Okay.
I like the dollhouse.
It's not a dollhouse.
But you could use
it as one, though,
if you had dolls and
they needed a house.
It still wouldn't
be a dollhouse.
What is it, anyway?
It's a replica of a 19th century
dentist office made to scale.
I even made the dentist
and the little man in the chair.
When I was little, everything
had to be perfect or I'd freak out.
Look at that poor guy.
Looks like it hurts.
He's having his impacted molar
extracted without anesthesia,
so yeah, it hurts.
It does.
Have a good night, sir.
I am Christina the Astonishing.
I am from Belgium.
I am remembered for my faith
and my violent fits of ecstasy.
I am the patron saint
of insanity and lunatics.
I died but came back to life.
Psalm 102 is attributed to me.
It is the prayer
of the afflicted.
"For my days vanish like smoke.
"I am like an owl in the desert
"among the ruins.
"I have mingled my
drink with weeping.
"And my days are like a shadow.
"Pray for me."
There are more
than 10,000 saints.
What if I choose the
wrong one for the pageant?
How much you got?
Two hundred bucks.
I would love to
hear your thoughts
about how All Saints can
better service the community,
especially in relation to
childhood obesity issues.
Chung was a killer when
it came to kids' health.
Yes, Lily is a killer.
All right, you're having
a hard day. I can tell.
Kevin, can I... Let me explain.
Are you fucking
out of your mind?
This is old. This
is not from now.
This is from a long time ago.
Okay? Thirty days clean.
We are okay, Kevin. It is okay.
It is okay. We're okay.
I am Christina the Astonishing.
I am from Belgium.
I am remembered for my faith
and my violent fits of ecstasy.
Grace, honey, please stay still.
You are gonna look great
for this pageant thing tonight.
Mom, I'm trying to
practice my speech.
Sorry.
And it's not a
pageant. It's a litany.
Well, whatever it
is, you're going to be
the prettiest
saint on the stage.
The storm kept me up and
now I can't remember my lines.
I was born a peasant...
I was born a peasant,
and when I was 21 years old,
I had epilepsy and died.
What's epilepsy?
It's a neurological disorder
in which you have seizures.
Honey, yes, that's absolutely
right, but if you don't stay still,
I'm going to poke
you with this thing.
What are seizures?
I have to practice,
with gestures.
Wow, Gracie, you
look astonishing.
Dad.
When they had my funeral...
When they had my
funeral, I came back to life
in my coffin and I
floated up to the rafters
and told everybody in the church
that I saw heaven and hell
and purgatory while I was dead.
Kev, can you pass
me those wings?
She didn't have wings.
It says she floats
up to the rafters
of the church. I
made them last night.
If she had wings, it
wouldn't be a miracle.
All right. You yell at the
nuns with that mouth?
Saints, not angels, babe.
I'm never gonna
remember my lines.
You're gonna do great. You're
gonna knock it out of the park.
You're gonna
dominate. You're gonna
crack them and rack
them and stack them.
Dad. And we're gonna be there,
snapping pictures.
You'll be fine, sweetie pie.
Just try to relax, keep
your shoulders back,
your eyes straight
ahead, keep breathing.
What is the worst
that could happen?
Greg, how about
you just do your job?
And your job is to remove
the naked Grecian dude
from my living room.
Yeah, or I take my
business elsewhere.
Thank you.
Interior decorator wants
to go all Greco-Roman.
That's fascinating.
Can I get a hug?
Moving into a condo.
Hey, how about
that storm last night?
What? No small talk, just a hug?
Just a hug.
Sorry, fresh out.
Flying to Miami
tonight to re-up.
Painkiller capital of the world.
Old people, gotta love 'em.
You're going out of town?
You've gotta have something.
Okay, look,
after work, come by my place,
I'll see if I can't scrounge
something up for you, okay?
Your place, like your home?
Relax.
Right up the block.
It's the deco joint with
the gargoyles on top.
Go figure.
There's a doorman.
I'll see you later.
Twenty-five-year-old male,
went nuts on the High Line.
Threatened to jump, clawed a
chunk of skin out of his own neck.
Sherm or dust?
We're thinking dust.
He bent the gurney
with his bare hands.
I need a tox screen and Thor.
Bring me my giant!
It's dust for sure.
It's totally PCP.
Either way, keep
him in restraints.
Personally, I think
he's a glue-sniffer.
It looks more like a
sherm stick, a cigarette
dipped in formaldehyde.
Totally cuckoo.
Everyone has opinions.
No one has information.
Goodbye. Overdose?
Wow.
It's so hard to know what's
going on inside someone.
Yes, indeed, it is.
Yes, well, you
two can stand here
and mull over
his right to privacy
while Thor draws blood
for a tox screen. Thor?
On it.
I have a gift certificate
to Utsav. Indian. $50.
Wanna have lunch?
You and I?
Jackie, too. It's $50.
Jacks, Zoey's
invited us to lunch.
Today? Let me think about it.
Come on. It's one lunch.
Really?
'Cause if either of you
ever asked me to lunch...
I've invited you to lunch.
I know, and I
jumped at the chance.
Come on, I do everything for you
guys. I sing your praises on high.
And now I want to buy you lunch
and you're looking at each
other like, "I'll go if you go."
Shh! Oh!
Fine, I'll say it out loud.
Jackie, I'll go if you go.
Yeah, no, it's fine with
me. Lunch is lunch.
What?
No one sounds excited.
In with the new, out
with the old. New phone.
She sounds excited.
Come in.
I wanted to give you a heads up.
My phone's gonna
be down for a little bit.
I made this in the fifth grade.
Very nice.
It's a diorama of a 19th
century dentist's office.
The three of us made it
together for social studies.
We were up all night.
I'm gonna have this conversation
with you once and only once.
Your mothers called
me, both of them.
They told me about the divorce
and that they're worried about you.
This is not my job!
You have two mothers.
You don't need a third.
Get your act together
and clean your office.
This is a health hazard.
What would you
do if you were me?
I'd purge.
Back from the lab.
Spazzed-out guy in 3? PCP.
He's due for Ativan.
Do you mind?
Drug cases are
kind of weird for me.
You know, I'm just trying
to negotiate everything.
The drug cases? Really?
Sam, you're a nurse. You
don't get to choose who you treat.
No, I know. I'm
just saying if...
Okay, what would your
sponsor or whatever tell you?
He'd tell me to be of service.
Okay, be of service, be a
productive member of this staff.
Assist Dr. O'Hara in
treating this afflicted man.
Yeah. Yeah, you're...
I'm sorry, Jackie. You're right.
You would so kick ass in AA.
What? She would.
You're on your own.
Sore topic.
Not for me.
This is Dr. Cooper. He's
gonna be taking care of you.
These ladies skipped school,
hit the bottle, then hit the sidewalk.
I fell.
She was like, bop!
He's totally the guy
from the bus stop.
The "looks can cure" guy?
Oh, my God, you're so hot.
Hot stop.
My God, you're totally,
like, sexy doctor man.
Stitches, and
let's get an x-ray.
We both wanna marry doctors.
Or even a nurse.
I'd get with a nurse,
cause they're healers.
Do you know it.
Doctors make some money.
Girls, I'm gonna drop
some wisdom on you.
You don't have to
do that, Dr. Cooper.
So many things that
we love are illusions.
Look at these shoes.
These shoes are $600.
Illusions.
Look at this phone.
Awesome phone.
Illusion.
But this guy, this guy is real.
Are you really real?
100%.
Aw! Shit. That tree
took out a power line.
I had no electricity for six
hours. Beer's gonna be warm.
You're up and running now.
Hey, good to know
people in high places.
I appreciate you coming out.
City Hall is going nuts, I bet.
Yeah, a terrible storm,
trees down everywhere.
I heard about this one on a
dispatch and I thought I'd swing by.
What's it been, eight years?
Fi's baptism.
Eight years.
Look, Kev,
I ran a check
just to make sure
you still owned
the place before
I trekked out here,
noticed you had an outstanding
ticket a few months back.
Yeah, I got pulled over.
Seventy-five in a 30,
two kids in the car?
I was in a rush.
Pay the ticket, Kev, you're
overdue. They will nail you.
I'm working on it.
You want a warm beer?
I'd love one.
Namaste.
India.
This is nice.
Yes, it is. Zoey, you're
right, this is a nice gesture.
So, Dr. O'Hara, how would you
characterize your friendship with Jackie?
Excuse me?
Zoey, tell me this is
not for that blog thing.
My next entry is titled:
"Doctors and Nurses:
No longer cats and dogs."
No, it isn't.
Zoey, you do realize
if you mention
either of us online,
we will cut you into little
pieces and feed you to snakes.
Your names are changed.
Lady Penelope and Taffy.
You named me Taffy?
It's just that I look at the two
of you and I see something,
you know, rare and amazing.
I think people could learn.
My fondness for nurses
does not extend beyond Jackie.
And you, of course.
Of course.
What about Kelly?
Everybody loves Kelly.
The ladies love Kelly.
Yeah, well, we are not ladies.
Way to go, Taffy.
Wait, so you guys
don't like Kelly.
No, Zoey, we did not say that.
Kinda you did.
Just in case you were
tempted to stab her.
I did that already. I punched
in star. Oh, for God's sakes.
Do you know how to work
this phone? I am so backed up.
These things are supposed to
help us do our jobs. Piece of junk.
I want to demonstrate
something to you.
Purging.
So what do you want, a cookie?
I need a hug.
No.
Come on, Gloria. Just a hug.
Don't call me that.
And no. I need Thor.
Tell him to get in here.
You know, there are lots of
people that would hug me.
Then find them and hug them.
She fucking drove
off with my kids.
I'm standing there in
the middle of nowhere,
had to call a buddy to pick
me up on his motorcycle.
Look, you married a
piece of work. Jackie?
Jackie'd chew off her own
paw before she gave an inch.
I've never been so angry
at her in my entire life.
Next day, she goes off to work.
I pack suitcases for the girls,
I put them in the
car and I take off.
You left her?
I was in a state.
I didn't realize how
fast I was going
until I saw the flashing lights.
And then what?
I got pulled over and
went home. It was just...
Rage.
What are you, a battered wife?
Taking the kids and leaving?
Fuck off, Carl.
I was out of my head.
I'd been happily
married for 15 years
and suddenly, I've
got an exit plan.
And rage.
I've got a lot of rage.
You ever consider stepping
out of your marriage?
Not permanently,
just a little something...
No.
Well, speaking only for myself,
there were a couple of times...
Yeah, I get it, but that's you.
You were a big deal,
Kev. You had your pick.
Don't ever forget that.
And I picked Jackie.
Loud and clear.
Whose bag is in the
middle of the floor?
That's our bag! All right.
You can't take that beer...
That's our beer. Private...
Pipe down!
Hey, Slater. Yeah?
What are you doing?
I'm following up
with the concussion.
Check on the PCP in 3. Now.
Yes, ma'am.
The line's crimped.
You might want to keep
him restrained. That dog bites.
He's knocked out.
Yeah, well, PCP.
All right.
Oh!
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
You've got remote access to
all phone services through VPN,
unified messaging,
rich-media conferencing,
this thing could
probably make waffles.
How do I make a telephone call?
Well, here we go.
Up and running.
Lily Chung calling.
Don't answer it.
I want to show you how it works.
Thor, listen to me.
Last night, after one
too many vodka gimlets,
I called Lily Chung
twice, maybe three times,
and left a series of increasingly
embarrassing voice mails.
Hmm. Drunk
dialing, know it well.
You're afraid of
this woman? You?
She makes me feel
unaccomplished.
She's my Voldemort.
May I?
Gloria Akalitus's office.
I see. I'm sorry, she's
not in the office right now.
Maybe I can reach
her. Hey, Megan,
see if you can reach Ms. Akalitus
at Mayor Bloomberg's office.
They're having their
Tuesday lunch. Thanks, hon.
Hello, Ms. Chung?
Oh.
Oh, of course, you can try her
tomorrow. I'll let her know you called.
Mmm. Bye.
Holler at your boy.
Oh!
Oh, come on. He gets a hug?
That looks like it hurts.
I'm fine.
That's gonna bruise.
You're gonna wanna get in front
of that, get something from Eddie.
I'm fine.
Even if it's just
for your nerves.
You look pale. You
should take something.
I'm fine.
Last call.
Ah!
This place really
does need a bar.
Hey, I heard.
You okay?
Don't know.
Well, what are we talking about?
Benzo for nerves?
Percocet for pain?
Maybe something in between?
Fuck it all. I'll live with it.
Wow. People still do that?
It's scary shit, huh?
Yeah.
It's all right.
What an asshole.
Sorry.
Hello? Mom?
Gracie, what's wrong?
I borrowed Alison's phone.
I'm in the bathroom. I'm not
supposed to be on the phone.
What's the matter, honey?
Nothing.
I just wanted to tell you
that I liked the wings
you made for me.
The wings?
You were being nice.
I was mean.
I didn't mean to be mean.
It's just that she
wasn't an angel.
She was a saint.
Oh, Gracie.
I have to go. I don't
want to get caught.
Okay, honey.
Honey?
Bye-bye.
No, thanks. I
dined with the girls.
Ooh.
That reminds me.
A little heads up from someone
who's been here awhile.
I cannot emphasize enough the
importance of getting along with Jackie.
Oh.
Well, I think we
get along great.
Why? Did she say something?
Because if she
doesn't like me...
No, no one said anything.
I tried to be gossipy and it's
totally backfiring. Abort. Abort. Abort.
Slater, you wanna try taking
it easy around the jailbait?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
The hell you don't.
I'm not gonna engage in this.
I'm not jailbait.
I wasn't talking about you.
I used to be jailbait. Shut up.
My bait used to be very jail.
Are you kidding me right now?
What are they, like, 16?
Seriously, lady,
back the fuck off.
You think I'm stupid?
If you're gonna accuse me,
do it through proper channels.
But remember, you're the
one in the men's room right now.
If you're gonna come after
me, I'm coming after you.
I know what I saw.
You're fucking high!
As you were.
Hey.
How's O'Hara?
She says she's fine.
You okay? Me?
Yeah, fine.
Is she taking anything for it?
She says she doesn't want any.
God. I think she's in
more pain than she lets on.
That PCP guy was a disaster.
I threw my back out
trying to restrain him. Mmm.
Well, back again, huh?
Try Pilates or something?
You know what, Eddie?
Fuck you.
So, just to be clear, are
we throwing these out or...
No. What?
No. We're just...
We're just keeping them in here.
Okay.
I like the dollhouse.
It's not a dollhouse.
But you could use
it as one, though,
if you had dolls and
they needed a house.
It still wouldn't
be a dollhouse.
What is it, anyway?
It's a replica of a 19th century
dentist office made to scale.
I even made the dentist
and the little man in the chair.
When I was little, everything
had to be perfect or I'd freak out.
Look at that poor guy.
Looks like it hurts.
He's having his impacted molar
extracted without anesthesia,
so yeah, it hurts.
It does.
Have a good night, sir.
I am Christina the Astonishing.
I am from Belgium.
I am remembered for my faith
and my violent fits of ecstasy.
I am the patron saint
of insanity and lunatics.
I died but came back to life.
Psalm 102 is attributed to me.
It is the prayer
of the afflicted.
"For my days vanish like smoke.
"I am like an owl in the desert
"among the ruins.
"I have mingled my
drink with weeping.
"And my days are like a shadow.
"Pray for me."