Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 3, Episode 10 - Fuck the Lemurs - full transcript

Previously on Nurse Jackie...

My kid's sick. I think I
might have caught it.

Do me a favor? Can
you go to Duane Reade

and pick me up some antihistamines
and cough syrup, Robo DXM?

Do me a favor? Go to Duane
Reade, pick me up some NoDoz?

The newsstand is out of it.

If a co-worker so much as raises
the specter of substance abuse,

I am required by
law to inform HR.

I sent you up to oncology
with 40 fentanyl patches.

Only 30 got there.

You broke the chain of custody
during an inter-pharmacy run.



On my first or second
day? Come on, man.

My heart's going really fast.
Can you check my pulse?

Sure, sweetie. Come here.

She's gonna be my wife, Eddie.

Logged on, started looking
up old girlfriends. Boom.

She's the one.

I've gone 37 hours with no
Percocet, no Vicodin, no oxy.

How the fuck am I
gonna make it to 38?

Gotta say, I'm really blown away

that you would
meet us this early.

We appreciate it.

No, schedules are schedules.

And this is a decision that
affects the whole family, so...

Grace, do you want to start?



It's okay, monkey.

I think if I think bad things,
they're gonna happen.

Oh, honey. I think everybody
thinks that sometimes.

I don't want to tell them.

We have been exploring
the possibility of medication.

Really, Grace?

Do you want to help
your mom and dad

understand why
you want to do this?

No one's saying no, honey.

Just tell us what's going on.

I can't get my
thoughts to slow down.

I try to stop them. I pray.

I have a rosary. And even when
I'm sleeping, I have a dream journal.

But it's got a lot
of nightmares in it

about animals and fire.

But, honey, medicine doesn't
always do what you think it's gonna do.

I'm not a psychiatrist but I...

No, I'm reluctant to
prescribe an SSRI,

because while they're very
effective in treating acute anxiety,

they're primarily used in cases

of depression.
And I just... I don't...

I don't see the depressive
component in Grace.

Tell me if you agree.

I'm not sad.

Okay, that's good.

But I'm afraid I'm gonna
start pulling my hair out again.

And I don't want to. I like
my hair. I think it's pretty.

I've seen success with
pediatric doses of Xanax.

It would allow Grace
to spot-treat her anxiety,

giving her a sense of control.

And unlike an SSRI,
she doesn't have to

take it every day which
I think is important.

Is this really what
you want to do, Grace?

I just don't want you guys
to be disappointed in me.

I have a couple quick questions

I want to ask your mom and dad.

You good? Mmm.

So has anything changed
recently in the household?

Any additional stress?

No.

Not that I can think of.

No, it's business as usual.

Hey.

Oh.

You okay?

Just came from Grace's shrink.

Fucking ripped my guts out.

What do you need
from me? What can I do?

It's for my kid.
Can you believe it?

That's rough. That's rough.

Yeah.

She asked me and
Kevin in front of her doctor

if she could go on medication.

What am I doing?

Maybe it's just
for a little while.

You know, just to get
her through a rough patch.

Eddie, look who
you're talking to.

Well, that's a low dose.

That's good, right?

Actually, I'm swamped here.

It's all right. It can wait.

I'm not even sure I
have this low a dose.

You might be better
off going to a drugstore.

Just fill it when you can,
okay? I'll come back later.

Thanks, Eddie.

Welcome to emergency.

We will be taking you
department by department

in groups of three.

That's groups of three.
Keep the hubbub down, folks.

Hope you don't have lunch plans.

You two are next.

Sorry I'm late. Did I miss
anything? What the hell is she doing?

Hey, ringers off!
Get with the program!

Flu shots. It's doctor day.

Every day is doctor day.
She must be in heaven.

Wait till you get
a load of Thor.

Ah, yes, Dr. Saqr from ortho.

That means falcon, does it not?

No clue. Can you just...

Oh, sure. No
need for small talk.

Got my braces off today.

Three years with adult
braces, you could at least look.

Next.

Yeah, but compared to Bellevue?

Just saying it's a
different animal, man.

It's not that there's more
action, just better action.

More gunshots, more stabbings.

Can't all be bullets
and life support.

Want to tell me what happened?

No, I don't want to say now.

I was holding my neighbor's
kid, a three-month old.

There's nothing like it.

Yeah, well, except she reached
out and scratched my cornea.

The kid I mean. Not the mom.

No good deed, right?

Woke up with the girlfriend.
Not gonna lie, magical.

Strong words there, Hoss.

Hooked on a feeling, yo. She
is gonna die when I propose.

I know I would.

How about some Percocet for
your patient? I'll be back in a second.

We'll be right here.

One second.

Kelly, take over for Jackie.

Follow me. KELLY: You got it.

Is this like a
random urine test?

Please tell me this is random.

Nobody's furnishing any urine.

No, I understand that.

I just want to know if I
am being singled out.

Don't push me, Jackie.

You pull me in here and tell
me I can't administer meds

and you expect me not to push
you? What are you talking about?

HR called me. That's
all I'm gonna say.

Okay, and said what?

HR has a bee in its bonnet.

They're under the
impression that someone

in the emergency department
is abusing narcotics.

Okay, so this is an HR decision?

No, it's my decision.

Why? I don't want HR

launching a
full-fledged investigation

because then I'll have
no say in the matter.

I'm handling this the best way I
can think of and hoping it goes away.

I'm protecting my
department. I'm protecting you.

I don't need your protection.

You're running a
sinking ship here, Gloria.

You want to take
me off the deck?

That is the stupidest
thing I ever heard of.

Jackie, at a certain
point the discrepancies

reflect on my ability to
control my department.

Okay, what about Sam?

All he talks about
is being an addict.

And Kelly. You don't know a
goddamn thing about that guy.

This goes back a long time
even before they got here.

And I made a
point of telling you

that if a co-worker even raises
a specter of narcotics abuse...

All right. Yes, I know
what you told me.

God damn it.

This is my reputation
we're talking about.

Does anybody else
know about this?

No.

I alerted the pharmacy, but no.

None of the nurses know.

Neither do any
of the physicians.

I need a favor. No.

No, I'm not asking you to go
back on your decision, okay?

You're gonna do
what you're gonna do.

Just please don't tell anybody.

I need to

maintain at least
the facade of dignity

in front of my
co-workers, okay? Please.

This is important to me.

Fine.

It stays between us.

But bear in mind somebody
told somebody. People know.

I don't know what
to say about that.

I cannot even imagine how
somebody in this hospital thinks...

Oh, wait. Yes, I can.

Jackie, leave it alone. Jackie.

Hey, Jackie.

Don't say a fucking word.

What was that about?

It's Monday.

All I said was, "Got a minute
for the Madagascar lemur?"

And a pack of frat
boys went off on me.

All right, could you relax and
follow my finger, Mr. Finch?

Like I want to be out there
asking people to sign my clipboard,

giving me dorm rooms and
fake phone numbers. It's bullshit.

It's total bullshit.

I give you a shred of
information about my life

and you go running your mouth?

What, did you think
you were helping me?

Stop it.

'Cause nobody
can be that stupid.

Especially not you. What
the fuck were you thinking?

Leave. Get out now.

Yeah, order me out
of my own trauma.

Right, I'd like to get
you up to CT, Mr. Finch.

I suspect you have a
fractured cheekbone.

Want to talk?

Stay out of it, Zoey.

I know, but...

You're in way over your head.

No, I don't think I am.

No more fighting,
man. Peace is the word.

That's from Grease.

You guys have a bond.

Doctors and nurses,
no longer cats and dogs.

I've blogged about it.

Replace yourself.

Immediately!

Will you go in... Are you okay?

Will you go in and
assist? Yeah, yeah, but...

No. No, it's okay. Just go.

Just so you know, Jackie came
out of there more calm on the outside,

pissed on the inside than I've
ever seen her and now you in tears.

Used to like O'Hara.
After this, not so much.

You guys, they're fighting.

My money's on O'Hara.

Your money's no good here.

Dude, having Jackie mad at you

is about the harshest
feeling in the world.

So I feel bad for her.

Who you feeling bad for?

O'Hara.

Why do you feel bad for
O'Hara? She's a doctor

with awesome shoes and a town
car and an accent. Case closed.

Jackie's mad at her.

I feel bad for her.

I'm still taking Jackie's side.

You guys, we don't even
know why they're fighting.

Doesn't matter. Team O'Hara.

And it's not because
she's a doctor.

Good-looking people
have to stick together.

Okay, promise not to laugh.

What's up? Hey, guy.

This is my friend Dylan. He
got his head stuck in his chair.

It's not my chair.

And there goes Cooper Duper.

Is that Cooper from
the fantasy league?

Pull it together, pal.

I don't know what you
said or who you said it to.

All I know is that after 20 years
of nursing, I can't dispense meds.

Sit down and shut up.

If I had any interest in
having you pulled off the floor,

I'd have done it ages
ago. Oh, is that right?

I'd have had to
fit it in between

spontaneous nosebleeds
and interventions,

but yes, that's right.

You knicked an
MRI from a cripple.

And before I could
catch my breath,

your husband had dragged
me into a whirlwind of panic

'cause you got sloppy.

All right.

I don't talk about it

because I don't
like talking about it.

And I know full well that if
I did start talking about it,

you'd go so far underground that
no one would hear your cry for help

if in fact one day you need it.

What I expect from
you, what I demand

right now is the
benefit of the doubt.

I've said nothing.

And I've been asked.

Have you?

Yes.

It's just so humiliating.

All of a sudden I
can't dispense meds.

Everybody knows what that means.

Stick close to me. I'll
administer anything I prescribe.

Somebody went to HR.

So let's get through this,

find out who it is and burn
their playhouse down, yes?

Are you guys still fighting?

Yes. Very much so.

We need your help with a
patient. Dr. Cooper is useless.

Yes, all right.

If Coop finds out,
just shoot me now.

Dump the pharmacy runs on Zoey.

Yes, the pharmacy
has been alerted.

Oh, my God. That's why
he couldn't fill my scrip.

What? Eddie.

This morning for
Grace, not for me.

Xanax.

Oh, my God.

She's 11.

More Vaseline?

In a perfect world we'd have this
off before your father gets here.

Ow. Ow! Ow!

Kelly, kidney stone in six needs
morphine. You want to get that?

No, not really.

Go ahead.

Dylan.

Hi, Dad. Look what I did.

Jeez. What goes on in
the mind of an 11-year-old.

I wish I knew.

Mmm.

No.

Hey, Gloria.

Zen temple?

Rainforest. Go away.

So did you hear the big news?

Thor got his braces
off. I know everything.

No, I'm getting married.

Why aren't people
talking about this?

So I was thinking... Never good.

I want to reserve the chapel.

I'm not a party planner. I don't
take reservations, Dr. Cooper.

But it's my wedding.
Maybe on my birthday.

No, definitely on my birthday.
Which means the date's not flexible.

Come on, Gloria.
This place is my life.

And the chapel, its
stained glass windows,

the little candles,
the mannequins.

They're not mannequins.
They're statues and they're gone.

What do you mean they're gone?

They've been gone for weeks.

Well, we've gotta get them
back. It's my birthday wedding.

We can't. They're being
held in Staten Island.

Held? Like, for ransom?

Matter of fact, yes. For
ransom. Exactly. Fuckers.

'Cause I'll pay. I've got
football money coming.

Let me make some calls.

You sure about this?

Birthday wedding. Coop
style. The sky's the limit.

People are gonna freak.

Madagascar lemur.

Little yellow
eyes, stripey tail.

Like raccoons.

Raccoons are cool but
they can fend for themselves.

They're tough. Not lemurs, man.

They need a little
backup these days.

That's a good fight. Keep on it.

Thanks, man.

I have to confess, I don't know a
lot about the Madagascar lemur.

They have small brains.

Ah. That's probably
why they're endangered.

Little tiny brains.

Yeah, it's either that or the
industrialized world's insatiable lust

insatiable lust for deforestation
and paper products.

I hate the industrialized world.

Also, I have a Kindle.

Have you actually ever seen
a lemur, you know, in person?

No.

And yet you risk your life.

Oh, my God, Hoss from radiology.

It's me Thor, from Cooper Duper.

Hey, Thor, wanna pick out
engagement rings with me after work?

Only if Jackie doesn't
need moral support.

O'Hara's the worst.

Oh, there goes Team Jackie,
running off at the mouth.

Stop talking about me.

Really, Hoss, these are the
clowns you're losing our money to?

Evil genius clowns.

Bring it! Roll up your sleeve.

This may sting a
little. I mean, a lot.

Where's my boo?

Creeping on world
peace. Right behind you.

Zoey, are you flirting?

No.

She's not flirting, man.

Not even a little bit. Lenny,
I'd like you to meet Kyle.

What's up with your grill?

Kyle is a lemur advocate.

Actually, I collect signatures
to halt deforestation.

I'm not so much pro-lemur
as I am anti-big business.

Yeah, fuck the lemurs. I'm sure
they can handle the bulldozers.

Lenny. Say that again
and I'll knock your teeth out.

Stand up for what you love, man.

See you after work?

Boyfriend.

I'm not asking you to
give the statues back.

Almost done. Sit.

Listen, Father, you're a
fundraiser. I'm a fundraiser.

I'd like to think that Catholic Charities
is open to a generous donation

in exchange for the
safe return of the statues.

I'll see what I can do.

$7,000. He's out
of his fucking mind!

Probably wants
them in small bills, too.

How can I help you?

This... Business with Jackie.

Off-limits.

I thought as much.

Nothing you did set it off, if
that's what you're worried about.

Hmm.

Not worried.

Are you trying to buy
your statues back?

I want them back for the chapel.

Coop wants them
back for his wedding.

It's a win-win.

Well, if you come up
short, I'm happy to help.

I'd rather gouge Coop.

You're not really
working, are you?

You're on Facebook or
Skype or something, right?

Mmm. Reading about warts. Gross.

May I?

Fabulous about the wedding.

Mmm. Fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed. Mmm.

Do you know, I'm
curious, though. You and I

working together
what, five, six years?

Here you are on the
verge of signing away

your willy until
death do you part,

and you've never asked me out.

Not once.

Never gave it
the old college try.

Didn't want to give it a go, eh?

Me? No. No. I'll give it a go.

We can go now. It's not official.
I haven't even proposed yet.

I just always
assumed you'd say no.

But you never asked. How would
you know if you never asked?

I'm asking. Come on, let's go.

It's no good if I have
to drag it out of you.

You're not dragging. Who's dragging?
No one's dragging. See? Watch.

Wanna go on a date?

No, thank you. No.
Absolutely not. God, no. Never.

Why would you make me ask you
out if you were just gonna say no?

Ego is ego, my friend.

Is that Latin?

Happy for you.

Cheers.

I get it, Kev. I just thought,

you know, after this morning,

that it would be nice to
have dinner as a family.

I know, babe. But we
can do a nice big breakfast.

Well, I'm cutting
out early today.

So, you know, I'll
see you or I won't.

Kevin, I need to believe
that we're in this together.

We are.

It's only dinner, okay? I'll get
Sully to cover from 9:00 till 2:00.

I'll be home by 9:30,
10:00 at the latest.

All right. Do what you gotta do

and get home, okay? I love you.

I love you. Bye.

Fresh air? Yes, please.

So how about this?

I'm finally getting over the
nausea and the sweating.

I'm a week off the pills, right?

You're kidding?

No, I'm not kidding.

Yes, a week to the day off of
pills, and my kid goes on them.

And Akalitus bans
me from the meds.

And my fucking
husband, who begs me

to take time off, is not
even gonna be there

when I get home today, so
what the fuck am I doing this for?

Because you're fantastic!

It's ironic, though, isn't it?

You want irony?

Ordinarily I'd
never tell a soul,

but you've just told me your
deepest darkest, so here goes.

I barged into Coop's office,

told him I was wrecked
he was getting married,

crushed he'd never asked me out.

You were kidding, right?

I was not. And
then I kissed him.

No. Yes.

I kissed him and wished
him the best and then,

the feeling passed.

Oh! The feeling passed.
Thank God the feeling passed

because I don't know if I could
continue with our friendship.

Just to be clear, Coop is
where you draw the line?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think it is.

Hey, Jackie.

I'm sorry. It's my job.

Yeah, I get it.

It's a small number of pills
in an incredibly low dose.

With her tolerance, she couldn't
get high even if she wanted to.

Sorry, but it's true.

Walking away.

Thank you.

You coming or going?

Just getting away.

Would you cover for me?

I'd like to slip out early,
have dinner with my kids.

Sure. If it makes
life easier, yeah.

How long till I feel it?

I don't know, baby.

It's different for
different people.

You've never taken anything
before, so it shouldn't be long.

How are you feeling right now?

It's like...

I'm on the edge
of having 10 ideas

all at once, only,

maybe I don't have to have them.

Like I could say "freeze."

And walk right up to them and
see if I want to let them in or not.

I don't think they're
ever gonna go away,

but...

If I don't want to think
them, I don't have to.

No, you don't.

My heart is moving

a little slower.

I can't tell.

But it's okay.
It's just for now.