Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 2, Episode 9 - P.O. Box - full transcript

Previously on Nurse Jackie...

Had this been an
actual broken bone,

Fiona's arm would
be quite bruised.

Real blood, fake cast.

I think it would be
good to be a patient.

Talked to Kevin

about your idea of a
gift for the girls and I...

It just makes him uncomfortable.

Every interaction is stored
in the Pill-O-Matix memory.

It's totally inappropriate to have
this meeting in front of Eddie.

Your shitty pill
dispenser is replacing me.



What up?

Is your face different?

I trimmed my goatee.

Looks good.

I do not like that guy.

I do not care.

Take it up with HR.

I'd be happy to go to HR.

Shouldn't you be peeing
in a cup somewhere?

Shouldn't you?

When I get nervous, I act out
with inappropriate sexual touches.

It's like Tourette's.

Yo, Eddie, what's up?

Hey.



Oh, my God, he's completely mad.

And everyone said I had
the coolest show and tell ever.

And Dr. O'Hara took a
big saw and cut off my cast.

And she was wearing a really
pretty purple dress with high heels.

I know, honey. I was
there, remember?

You were? Yes.

Eat your burger.

She smells like flowers.

Really? What do I smell like?

Oh, I really want to send Fi

to Immaculate Virgin with Grace.

She's perfectly
happy where she is.

Well, I'm not.

This year, last
year, both teachers

calling our parenting
into question?

It's none of their
goddamn business.

No, I don't disagree, but where's
the money gonna come from?

No. We're not taking handouts
from O'Hara or anyone.

It's not a handout. And it's
not for us, it's for the girls.

Jackie, I'm not having this
conversation again, okay?

You gotta promise me.

All right.

Well, we can figure
something out.

You need to hear me.

You need to promise me that
we're not gonna take that money.

Okay, I promise.

Okay.

Mommy, can I have
Grace's French fries?

Why, where's Grace?

She's in the bathroom. She
said she needed some privacy.

Why does she need
privacy? She's a kid.

Grace, you okay?

Grace, open the door.

Hey, you okay? What's going on?

Nothing. You sure?

Sorry.

I'm gonna call Dr. Bowen

and find out what's going
on at those sessions.

She's not gonna tell
you what they talk about.

Dr. Bowen said Grace will open
up about it when she wants to.

That's a bunch of
crap. I'm her mother.

When she's ready to talk
to you, sweetie, she will.

How am I supposed to help
her if everything is a secret?

Hi. I need a money
order, please.

Whoa. Full moon,
totally called it.

Asshole.

Totally called it. How
is this tangled already?

This day is already too
long. A little help here!

Took a while to bring it up

because it's always a
difficult discussion to have.

Why, 'cause you make
more than he does?

No, it's no fun to talk about
money when you don't have any.

Oh! Oh! It itches!
It itches! Get it off!

Fun when you did
it, not so fun now!

So anyway, he agreed.

He finally agreed to let you
set up a college fund for the girls.

If I believed in crying at work,

I would be tearing
up. I'm thrilled!

Yes, but instead
of a college fund,

can we make it
an education fund?

'Cause I really want to get
Fiona into private school.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Whoo! Wait, my back, my back!

Oh, my God, sorry,
sorry, sorry. You all right?

Stab wound, upper abdomen.
He's losing a lot of blood.

Got it.

I'm really happy
about this, Jacks.

Kind of slow there,
Jackie. Where's the hustle?

Prepare to die.

That guy in three
peed all over my shoes.

That sucks.

It's fine. I'm
riding a pink cloud.

It's an AA thing. It
means I'm in a good mood.

I swear if Hostess made
a pink cloud, I'd eat it.

I wish they had
better snacks here.

The whole place is sub-par.

I launch a killer campaign
to bring in better patients

and no one around here knows
how to take it to the next level.

You're good.

I'm like a shark, man. If
I'm not moving, I'm dying.

30s, head trauma, picked
him up at the Carlton Hotel.

Looks like it could be DV.

What's a DV? Is that serious?

Domestic violence. Is that true?

Well, yeah, I guess.

I hit him, but only
after he hit me.

Oh, come on, Suzy, you beat me
on the head with a jar of cashews.

Oh! Expensive. Tell me about it.

And she kicked me.

You wanna tell them everything?

Go ahead. Look,
I'm done with this.

Why don't you go
call your mother

and complain about me some more?

Oh, fuck you.

Okay. All right. Calm down.

He deserves it. You deserve it!

Hey! Back off!

You're all right. You're okay.

Okay. Don't worry, honey.

With a little extra pressure
here, we'll get it to stop.

Can I get a hand in
here, please? Zoey?

Thor? Sam? Anybody?

Is there a problem?
Yes, I got a pumper here.

Can you jump in, please?

Yes. Thank you.

Up just a bit.

No one met us at the bay.
This guy needs an EKG.

220 over 100, chest
pains, but no history of MI.

Oh, Jesus. Good?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, go, go.

Let's get him on the bed!

Okay, I need you to be still.

Okay, I'm gonna get you
something for the pain.

Gloria, I'll keep an eye on your EKG,
okay? Now, get me four morphines.

Gotta go find out where
these other fuckers are.

What is this?

Broken. Again.

All right, everyone,
listen very carefully

because I'm only
gonna say this once.

This machine is a piece of shit.

I think I'll say it again.

This machine is a piece of shit!

What do you need?

Look, I'm fine.

It's just a little headache.
Let me get out of here.

Indulge me. Follow my finger.

Can you smile for me?

Clench your teeth.

Now, that's easy for him to
do, he's from Connecticut.

Well, the money never
seemed to bother you, did it?

Money's not the
problem, Timothy.

Can I speak to you
outside for a minute?

Look, he's got a pretty
serious head gash

and clearly, the two of
you have some issues.

You don't know the half
of it. I need a Diet Coke.

Thor, can you give Suzy a tour
of the vending machines, please?

You betcha. They're
beautiful this time of year.

The Skittles are in bloom.

So what happened?

I told her we couldn't
go away every weekend.

She threw a jar
of nuts at my head

and before she could throw the
whole mini-bar, I shoved her back.

Dude, you can't hit a woman.

Well, I had to defend myself.

There is no excuse for
hitting a woman, ever.

Well, it's not like I make a habit
of this, but she pushed me too far.

Jackie?

No, I don't think men
should hit women,

but if someone bashes you in
the head without provocation,

you have the right
to defend yourself.

No, you don't.

Not if you're a guy and
the hitter is a woman.

Well, I disagree.

Yeah, me, too.

So you're advocating
violence against women?

No, of course not. I'm just
saying it's a two-way street.

I can't believe I'm standing
here listening to this insanity.

Ah, you're a little
touchy. What's up?

The modeling
career petering out?

You're all fucking nuts.

He'll be right back.

Hi, Dr. Bowen. Yes, thanks
for getting back to me.

Yeah, I'm sorry
about the voicemails.

I'm just a little perplexed
about why you can't tell me

what's going on with the
therapy sessions with Grace.

I mean, I know it's her time,

but I really do need to
know what's going on.

Can you tell her that
maybe she can share

some of what she talks about?

Okay, great.

All right, that's
something. Thanks. Bye.

Hey, guys. What's going on?

I got knocked out
of the bike lane

by this tiny-ass woman
in a big-butt SUV.

Yeah, it totally
wasn't his fault.

And she didn't stop. She was
on her cell phone, an LG 280.

That's like six years old.

I was like, "I can't
believe these still exist."

I have an insurance
card. I'm a full-time student.

You so don't have
to call my parents.

Where'd you get hit?

Well, I got clipped in the leg

and when I fell, I
heard this crack.

And it pretty much felt
like my hip was on fire.

Zoey, can I get a wheelchair?

Dude, do you want me
to go back to the dorm,

get your anthro paper,
bring it in when I turn in mine?

Yeah, could you just
spell-check it one more time?

Okay, you're in good hands.

Okay, so, should I go? I mean,
I could go and then come back.

He'll be with me.
He'll be fine. Aw.

So, the Pill-O-Matix
is a piece of shit?

I'd forgotten.

When you're a nurse,
if you say something

in one part of the hospital,

it will always trickle
back to the station.

Yeah, it's a piece of shit.

So get rid of it. Get a new one.

The patient in three is
screaming for pain meds.

Can somebody do that?

Yes, when somebody asks nicely.

You'll be happy
to know I'm gonna

begin interviewing
for a pharmacist.

I've already put in a
call to Eddie Walzer.

Awesome!

Seriously, there's
not a doctor here

that's not gonna be
psyched to have him back.

You want to bring Eddie
back to the pharmacy?

Am I wrong or wasn't
this a budgetary issue?

Between paying for
the machine, the repairs,

and the security I had to hire
to guard the goddamn thing,

it was more expensive.

That doesn't mean that
Eddie Walzer's the solution.

I mean, I'm sure there's lots
of great candidates out there.

Isn't she great? She's so loyal.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Just like the guy in three
who needs pain meds now.

Look, nurse to nurse.

This is not about the doctors.

This decision directly
affects the nurses.

Eddie kind of lost it when
the Pill-O-Matix came.

It's not that he wasn't
good at his job...

All right, I hear you.

Hey, I don't want
to interrupt your flow,

but I kind of have something
important to do today.

Are you asking for time off?

Today? Right now? This day?

Reconsider!

It's been so great
having you on the floor.

It's like when the
President goes

to visit a factory for a day

and he's all in there
with the people.

Like you have been with us.

Want some? Thor
says they're in bloom.

Everyone there is
just out for themselves.

I was trying to give
something back, you know?

There was so much promise
in the face of All Saints.

Now it's just gone to shit.

That's a tough break, Coop.

Yeah.

I already feel better
talking to you about it.

Hey, on the bright side, Akalitus
might want to bring you back.

No kidding? Yeah.

I think your biggest
roadblock's gonna be Jackie.

She thinks things are
fine the way they are.

Yeah, well, it's a good thing

Jackie doesn't call
all the shots, right?

No shit.

You know what we need?
A guys' night out. Hmm?

Toss a few back, play
some darts. You free tonight?

Actually, I already have
plans with your pal Georgia.

And I introduced the two of you.

How's that for
the ultimate irony?

What?

Well, I want to
hang out with you,

but you're busy because of me.

It's ironic.

I'll take your word for it.

No, no, it's ironic. Trust me.

Would you like some Milk
Duds with your sugar-free gum?

No. Thanks.

It's a big day. I'm celebrating.

Six months sober today.

Wow.

Congratulations.
That's a big deal, right?

Yeah.

So I was wondering if I
could skip out for, like, an hour.

I'm working a double
and I was hoping

to pick up my chip
on the actual day.

My sponsor's gonna
be there... Fine. Go.

You know, I respect
what you're doing.

Thanks.

Oh, Jacks, good.

How do you want to do this?

Do what?

I'm just looking for a
quiet place to sit down.

The money. I can either
pay the school directly

or would you prefer it if
I just send you a check?

I don't know.
Would that be weird,

me just getting a big check?

It's not a sweepstakes.

It's a normal-size
check for an amount

that won't make me think twice.

Have you eaten?

Coffee, banana, Vicodin.

Breakfast of champions.

Meanwhile,

please step away from the gurney
transfers and the heavy lifting.

You have Thor,
he's a giant. Use him.

And for the love of all that's
good and holy, get an MRI.

I almost don't want
to see the damage.

Closer to godmother
by the second.

Okay, you know what? We
can't exactly rechristen the girls.

Not that you would
not be great at it.

I know. I know.

But if you and Kevin
die in a fiery plane crash,

they will be mine.

We don't get away very much.

So let me pay for a trip!

I feel so much better.

Pain meds.

Sort of like four Captain
Morgans and OJ.

I'm not gonna throw
up though, am I?

Highly unlikely.

Hello. All right,
bad news, I'm afraid.

You've got a hairline
fracture in your hip.

Ortho will be
down for a consult,

but basically it will be about

eight to 12 weeks
before you're healed.

That's a whole semester.

Yeah, you should really
talk to your parents.

Do you think that
you could call them?

They'd feel better hearing it
from someone older than me.

Not by that much.

I have to leave school
if I can't get around.

Do you have an iPhone? Yeah.

Let me have it.

Why? Give it.

Look sadder.

No, just stop, please.

Just do it.

Perfect.

E-mail that to five girls
you know and write,

"Just mowed down by
big rig. Truckers are dicks.

"At All Saints right now.
What are you guys doing?"

And then what?

Then wait.

Okay, so we are
almost caught up.

Thank you, Gloria, very much.

It was my pleasure.

It's like riding a bike,
you never forget.

Would you mind sticking
around for a little bit longer?

Sam has been MIA
for over an hour.

I don't know where he goes.

This is not the first
time this has happened.

I told that shit not
to go anywhere.

Well...

Son of a bitch.

Dr. Cooper said you
refused a CAT scan.

I just want to get out of here.

I am required to inform you

you'll be leaving
against medical advice.

That being said,
you need to keep

the stitches dry. I
need you to make...

What happened to you?

I just got a call from
the insurance company.

They're denying coverage
because you didn't pay the premium?

Why don't you let
me pay the bills?

Who are you? Who is she?

Oh, God. Can I get a
hand over here, please?

Whoa. Easy, bro. Easy.

Get him in the sled,
I'm right behind you. Go.

He vomited blood, passed out.

Oh, wow. She
really did kick him.

Well, according to you,
he probably deserved it.

Excuse me?

Yeah, let's all hit
each other. Kumbaya.

Hey, guys... Dr. Cooper,
watch the attitude.

My attitude? You're
telling everybody

to beat the crap
out of each other,

to defend themselves. And
now look what happened.

Dr. Cooper, I did
not kick this man.

Well, you might as well have

because you're a
domestic violence advocate.

And you're abusive to nurses.

His BP is dropping. I
think we need to intubate.

If I said half the
shit that I wanted to,

you'd be reduced to
tears on a daily basis.

I hold back! You're lucky
that I have this much restraint!

Dr. Cooper, pay attention!
You need to pay attention!

Oh, shit.

Dude, dude! What the hell?

Guys! Guys! Enough!

He hit me!

Lenny, that thing, it's a tic.

It's Tourette's.
He can't help it.

It's a tic? Yes.

Oh, man. Oh, man. I'm so sorry.

Dr. Cooper, get over here and
intubate your fucking patient.

Dude, it was a reflex and I
didn't know you had the tic thing.

Find O'Hara. Go.

Call respiratory.

Fabulous. Who hit who first?

Well, Dr. Cooper swung
first, but Lenny connected first.

I think it's romantic. He
was defending your honor.

I don't need defending.

Everyone needs defending.

Well, hello. And
who are all of you?

Oh, this is Bethany
and Tomisson and Jane.

They all offered to
help me till my hip heals.

So I don't have to go home now.

Yeah, we're all over it.

We organized
shifts for this week.

Oh, how nice.

Thanks again for everything.

Now get out of
here, you crazy kids!

That's not gonna end well.

One of the great things
about having four sisters

was I always had my own room.

Oh, I bet they hated you.

Yeah, I think
they still do a little.

Well, I think guys who are
raised around a lot of women

grow up to be more trustworthy.

They learn the
big lessons early.

Well, I have certainly learned
a lot of lessons from women.

Mmm.

It's Coop.

Oh, shit. He's in the ER.

He's always in the ER.

No, he says he's
a patient in the ER.

Well, it's about time.

I'm out, buddy.

No, no, it's on me.

Okay. All right,
gracias. Come on.

Bye.

You disappeared for two hours

after I specifically
told you not to.

That's insubordination.

Jackie said it
was okay, I just...

I don't want to
hear it. I don't care.

I'm putting you on probation.

Mrs. A? I never come in here.

Just wanted to say it was

fun to have you
on the floor today.

Okay. Well, thank you. I
miss it, being with patients.

And I quite enjoyed
your pithy remarks.

I try.

Well, bye-bye.

I need to speak to the wife.

Yes.

Your husband is stabilized.

He had some internal bleeding,

but we were able
to catch it in time.

So someone will take you to
see him in just a few minutes.

I can see him?

No, you can't fucking see him.

You've done enough
damage. He loves me.

Oh, please. I'm going.

I'm going.

Okay, both of you sit down.

What am I supposed to do here,

share my peanut
butter crackers with her?

No. What has to
happen, because...

When he first came in...

Ordinarily, the
wife... The husband...

This woman is your husband's...

This woman is your...
When he... All right.

I know nothing about
this sort of thing.

Jackie Peyton, as
I live and breathe.

Hi, hi, hello. Georgia.

Hi. We met at your...
No, I remember. Yeah.

Do you know where Coop is?

Oh, yeah.

Trauma, down the hall. Okay.

What kind of doctor
gets his nose broken?

You're not gonna go
visit your buddy Coop?

Hey, I didn't break his nose.

I'm just here with his friend.

I'm in your orbit, baby. Ain't
nothing you can do about it.

You talking about the pharmacy?

Because I don't care
one way or the other.

You can do what you want.

I'm gonna.

Why, Eddie? Why the fuck
would you want to come back?

Go, be with your girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend.

You know who my girlfriend is.

Ow. Ow.

Nice.

It's gonna be
straighter than before.

What?

Thanks.

You know I'm fine. You
don't need to stay here.

It's the least I can do.
You defended my honor.

Would you mind if I
suggested something to watch?

It will not be sports.

It's all yours.

Grace, open the door!

- Open the door!
- I've got it.

I've got it. I've got it.

Grace, honey,

you cannot lock
yourself in the bathroom.

This is none of your business!

It's none of your business!

What, honey? What is
none of our business?

Honey.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, sweetie.

Can I go to my room, please?

Honey, you have to
talk to me. I'm right here.

We cannot have
secrets in this house.