Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 2, Episode 4 - Apple Bong - full transcript

Previously on Nurse Jackie...

Fiona says Grace has been getting
up at night and unplugging appliances.

I just don't want the
house to burn down.

One of my nurses needs
a pediatric psych referral.

Which one? She'd rather not say.

Hey, guys.

Was that a walk of shame?

I don't want to know.

Your accent, London with
a touch of Sussex, right?

Indeed.

I'm kind of an Anglophile.



How convenient, I'm an Anglo.

You paid a
publicist, didn't you?

I have a publicist, yes,

but that is not why I
was chosen for the list

of the best 25
doctors in Manhattan.

Hey, honey.

Hey. Eddie. I'm
a friend of Kevin's.

Mrs. Feinberg?

Can I take this
with my blood pill?

Absolutely.

But you take this one,
Lopressor, at bedtime.

Don't take any
antacids till morning.

Be careful about
getting up too fast.

You might have some
dizziness. Good luck.



Good luck!

My house, my kids? Are
you out of your fucking mind?

I miss you.

You cannot come
to my house, Eddie.

I want things back
the way they were.

I don't give a shit. This is the
behavior of a fucking psychopath.

What? Mine or yours?

I can't just turn
it off like you can.

I didn't turn it off, Eddie.

I have a family.

A family? Right, right.

Do you want to know
what your problem is?

You're fucking
greedy is what you are.

And you have a
lot of pent-up anger.

Oh, you have no idea.

Next!

Hey, honey, yeah.

How do you feel about
maybe sending the girls

to your sister's for the night?

No, I'm good.
I'm great, actually.

I was just thinking
it had been a while

since we had a date
night, don't you think?

Yeah, okay. Great.

Yeah, I love you, too. Bye.

So, now it's kind of
nice, being in one place.

Actually getting to know the
staff, I used to be afraid of that.

But now I feel really ready to
say, "Hey, what's your name?"

I even feel like, "Shit, if
there's a softball team,

"I'm gonna be on it."

But I'm not saying I'm
any good or anything.

Sam, I don't do chatty.

He can't breathe.
Please, he can't breathe.

Calm down, ma'am.
We're going to help him.

Let me take him, please.

I had the carpet shampooed.
I think he's having a reaction.

I don't know,
he's not breathing.

Page Dr. O'Hara. Follow me.

Is Jackie here?

Not yet.

Oh, shit. I need a doctor!

Paging Dr. O'Hara.

It's gonna be okay.

Pulse weak and tachy.

He needs Epi and Solu-medrol.

Breathing has stopped.
We need to intubate.

Dr. O'Hara's on her way. Okay.

He's turning blue.

I can't wait.

Legally, we can't do this.

We have to.

Oh, crap.

Grab a pediatric crash cart.

I need a 2 blade
and a 5.0 cuff tube.

Tuck under his shoulder blade.

Extend the neck.

Be careful with that.

Color changed. It's in.

Uh-huh.

Lost his pulse.

Starting compressions.

Sinus rhythm.

We have a pulse.
Zoey, you did it.

Zoey just saved his life. Twice.

Also she intubated.
Don't be mad.

No one can know. She
could lose her license.

So, I suggest we
stop talking about it.

He's going to be okay.

Dr. O'Hara's here now.
She's an amazing doctor.

Jesus, it smells like
disinfectant and dip in here.

It's truly vile.

Sorry.

One man's nectar
is another man's...

You're disgusting. Eat fruit.

Thanks.

Zoey!

Kudos on the lifesaving
victory this morning.

The what?

I just made sure
someone didn't die.

Mmm-hmm. And Dr. O'Hara
swooped in at the last minute

in her Oscar de la Renta
skirt. Disaster averted.

He's alive, that's what matters.

Bringing back the
dead is a rush, isn't it?

Last year at Sin Sin, this
guy OD'd outside the club.

Thumped the shit out
of him, no heartbeat.

His girlfriend is screaming at
him, "Come back. Don't leave me!"

So I get in there and
shock this guy one last time.

Bang! He's back.
Asking for a cigarette.

No thanks, no nothing. I
didn't care. I felt incredible.

Your food does smell bad, Lenny.

Did you intubate
without a doctor?

I did what I had to.

You do know how risky
that was, don't you?

Just doing what you
would have done.

Zoey.

Huh.

I never would have pegged
you as someone to give a shit

for getting the job done.

Don't eat by the urine!

Jackie, let's talk later.

Here. Good.

Patient with lymphoma stage
three has severe dehydration

due to constant nausea
after third round of chemo.

All right, I'll start an IV.

What's your name, honey?

Martin Vobernick.

You can't get any
relief, huh? No.

Any side effects?

I was on Zofran.

Oh, constipation, right?

I tried the whole Aloxi thing.

The headaches are awful.

Then they gave me Anzemet.

So the headaches are gone, but
cramps and nausea, the diarrhea...

Can you tolerate the Decadron?

Ulcers. Hmm.

God, I know you've
seen worse than me, but...

Holy crap.

Is it really worth it?

Cold.

Have you tried smoking pot?

I'm a tour guide
for the Red Line.

I do crosswords and I sing
in a barbershop quartet.

And I'm single. Obviously.

Where's a guy like
me gonna find pot?

Okay, now, Mr. Vobernick,

it's really trial and error
with the antinausea meds,

but I promise I'm gonna find
you something that works.

We're going to do
everything we can

to make you comfortable, okay?

What the hell did
you say in there?

What?

Oh, please God, no.

Suggesting a patient try pot?

Never, and I mean never,

do you suggest a patient use an
illegal substance to combat a symptom

when there are perfectly
viable legal medications.

Oh, I see. Is this part
of the new image?

The top 25 New York
fucking douche bag doctors?

Please don't be such
a boy scout, Coop.

You know that if this guy
lived in a different state,

he'd be able to get a
prescription for medical marijuana

so he could at least try it.

He doesn't live
in another state.

He lives in New York.

I don't give a shit
if he lives on Mars!

I'm gonna make a suggestion if
I think it's going to help a patient.

No, you're not! I make
suggestions, you listen and agree.

Seriously, Jackie, how
high up do I have to go

to lodge a complaint for
you to understand that?

Really, is there somebody
higher up than you?

Did you get the morphine?

I'm doing it right now.

I got to tell you, I
thought it'd be a lot harder

being around the
meds than it is.

I'm a little worried
about infection here.

Kind of an undertow, you know?
Going one way on the surface,

but underneath, getting
pulled in another direction.

Did Okebwai weigh in on this?
Because I didn't see it on the chart.

My sponsor thinks
I'm a sex addict.

Were you standing this close
to her when she told you that?

He's a guy, but probably.

Well, now, we
can't all be saints.

I have a girlfriend.

So do I.

So I was wondering
if you had a chance

to call that pediatric
psychiatrist I recommended.

You're really going to make me
talk about this directly, aren't you?

Jackie, people put
up walls for a reason.

And from time to time the
people around us pipe up.

You need to tear down that wall.

I'm not one of those people.

Sometimes the walls are
the only thing holding us up.

Forget I asked.

Well, she's only 10. She
fixates on the strangest things.

She'd rather watch a fire safety
video than .High School Musical.

We can't get in to see
Dr. Bowen until next month.

She's worth the wait.

Apparently, she's also on the list
of the hottest doctors in New York.

Is it my imagination, or is Coop
even more of a shit than he used to be?

Are you referring to him
reprimanding you today?

He told you?

Listen, I understand
where he's coming from.

Dr. Cooper simply does not
want nurses to advise patients

to use illegal substances
to relieve pain or nausea.

Gloria, this poor guy has
tried everything under the sun.

He cannot stop puking.

Advocating for a patient

to pursue illegal drugs
when they are under our care

here at All Saints Hospital...

Is unacceptable. Got it.

Can I go?

Yes.

Jackie, I'm not a prude. I was
at Woodstock, for Christ's sake.

No, you weren't.

Jesus, Lenny, you're still here?

Hey, I've been out
and back two times.

Concussion and appendix.

And look at the caricature
I got made of Zoey.

Wow. It's cute.

Dude did it off my iPhone.

I don't think Zoey likes it.

Stop showing people that.

I sent the tib-fib
in five to the OR.

And there are two lonely bottles of
Lidocaine sitting in the scrub sink.

Don't know why, don't
care. Someone get them.

What?

Lunch, now.

Well?

I shagged a nurse. No!

In the chapel. No!

Oh, God. It was Sam, wasn't it?

Poor little thing is a recovering
addict. Did you know that?

Of course I knew that.
Everyone knows that.

It's all he talks
about. Pain in my ass.

Just think about it from his
perspective. No booze, no sex, no drugs.

Hardly worth getting
out of bed in the morning.

Ugh!

He really bugs you, doesn't he?

It's his holier-than-thou
bullshit. Please.

Boring.

Anyway, tell me
more about Eddie.

Nothing. It's over. It's done.

You know, whatever we had is
now a big, fat, fucked up mess.

Well, you are married.

Yes, there is that.

It's my fault.

I just didn't see it coming.

I think the overdosing stalker
in him was just lying dormant.

Yeah, maybe.

Have you ever worried he'll
go to Kevin and spill the beans?

No. What would he have then?

Well, everyone's life in ruins.

"If I can't have her, no
one can" kind of thing.

No, he's not that guy.

You know, he loves me.

There's a little bit of hate
mixed in there now, of course.

Do you love him?

If I said yes, what
would that make me?

I don't judge if
you don't judge.

Are you coming?

Not just yet. Quick
errand. I'll see you there.

Hey, chief.

Oh. Hey, man. What's up?

You and me, tonight,
third-base line.

Oh, shit.

What?

I would love to, but I can't.

Jackie called a
date night for tonight.

The requisite date night.

Yeah.

I know it well.

These are great seats!

Yeah.

Yeah. You got a Bud?

Yeah.

What are you gonna do?

Oh, hi.

Hey.

You okay?

Not really.

Fuck. Oh, God.

Listen, just so you
know, I'm not in recovery.

Although I should be for
wedding cake addiction.

Anyway, I know how important
it is to have someone to talk to

when you're having feelings.

Yeah, I am.

If you want, you could consider
me your workplace sponsor.

Oh, thank you.

I slipped.

Go ahead.

I slept with a doctor.

I'm not talking to you.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Dr. Cooper released me.

He gave me a
prescription for EMEND

and the name of a
biofeedback clinic.

Okay. Let's get
you in the chair.

So I have over 1,000
Twitter followers now.

Is that a lot? Hell, yeah.

It just so happens I'm
fascinating to the masses.

See, there's my magazine
article and my tweets.

I'm exploding.

Need a pen, thank you.

Here, I'll show
you how it works.

"Grabby nurse just
borrowed my pen."

All right, now you've got, "Nurse
going to vending machines."

Lenny, where's your rig?

Fire lane.

Let's go.

Okay, so...

You light her up, you
inhale through here.

Give it a whirl.

You got to take a deep
breath and hold it for a minute.

Good, that's good.

That's very good.

How'd you know I had pot?

Lenny, Mountain Dew
and Doritos? Please.

Oh, yeah.

Where'd you learn how
to make that apple bong?

Uh, Jones Beach, Toto concert.

Oh, fuck you.

You feel better?

Yeah, I'm actually hungry.

I bet Lenny can give
you a hand with that.

Hey, can we turn on the siren?

Easy, tiger.

All right, I got to
get back. Take care.

Thank you for this.

Can you give Martin a ride home?

Sure.

Turn on the siren
when you get to Park.

Shotgun.

Bring it.

Hey, Jackie,

I think I'm gonna personally
follow up with Mr. Vobernick.

I'm gonna call him next week,
see how the medication's working.

That's very nice of you. I'm sure
he'll be very happy to hear from you.

I know I seemed
like a tight-ass earlier,

but you do understand that with
the list and the Twitter following,

I have even more of an
example to set around here now.

Yep, duly noted.

But I seriously do feel
that we need to use

what science and medicine
have given us to treat patients.

I understand. Sometimes
I just prefer mother nature.

And, you know, if you think
that I've never tried the reefer,

think again. Hmm?

Are you trying to whistle?

They're for you.

Excuse me?

Good work.

That the kid from this morning?

Yes.

I think I'm pregnant.

Hey, honey.

Okay, promise me
you won't be pissed.

Uh-oh, not a great start.

.No, no, no, listen.

The girls are at my sister's
house just like we planned.

But I wanted to ask a favor.

I was wondering if we could push

date night back
a couple of hours.

Oh, Kevin, you
don't want to do it.

No, I do. I totally do.

It's just I've been
invited to a Mets game.

Oh, Lord. By who?

Eddie. The guy you
met at the house.

Hey, Jackie. What's happening?

He's right there.
Uh, let me say hi.

She wants to say hi.

Hey, Jackie.

You cannot be serious.

Don't worry, I won't
keep him out late.

I know tonight's a
special one for you.

Do not do this.

Right, right, no beers.

Do not do this, Eddie.
Do you hear me?

Okay. Well, thank you very much.

We will have a great time.

Do not do this. All
right. Take care.

Hey. Hello?

Your wife is the greatest, man.

She is. She totally is.

All right, subway or bus?

Bus? What are you, 80?

Bus.

I feel pretty good
from this afternoon.

I haven't been able to sit
up and watch TV for months.

Well, I think one of these a
day should be good for now.

Let's say we try half
of one for tonight.

Wow, that's pretty tasty. You're
a nurse, you can bake, too.

What can I say? I'm perfect.

Is that the Mets game?

We're ahead.

For now.

Yeah.

Okay, this is the recipe here.

For when these run out.

On the back is the
number for Lenny's dealer.

She's a nice lady.
She's expecting your call.

Wow. Does she know
what a nerd I am?

Why don't you just
sit back and relax?

I'll put these in the fridge.

Wow. When was the last
time you cleaned this thing out?

Yes!