Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 1, Episode 2 - Sweet-N-All - full transcript
With a nursing student in tow, Jackie deals with the usual variety of emergency cases including a child who has an accident on his bike but wasn't wearing a helmet at the time and a woman whose oxygen tank exploded when she lit a cigarette. Dr. Cooper actually makes a correct diagnosis. Gloria Akalitus has an interesting day at work when she takes Jackie's coffee unaware it has been laced with pain killer. Student nurse Zoey Barkow is worried when she finds the diplomat's ear in the toilet and it's suggested she may have put it there.
Previously on Nurse Jackie:
That woman you cut
took 287 stitches
and 10 pints of blood.
She liked to cut herself.
Fuck you.
This is where you
jump in, you tell me:
"You did everything you
could. It wasn't your fault."
Do you want me to say that?
If I tell you to order a
scan, you order a scan.
If you don't do it, I'll
go to the next doctor.
In the meantime, that kid
died, and it is all on you.
Dr. Cooper grabbed my tit today.
He says it was
a Tourette's response to stress.
Do you realize you're
the only sane one there?
Zoey.
First year nursing.
Queens Community.
Hi.
Ow, ow, ow!
What? Eddie, my back, my back.
I think you're a saint.
A MoonPie. Mm-hm.
For me? Mm-hm.
Split it with your sister.
Hey, babe.
I made pancakes for
dinner. How great is that?
♪ Na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na ♪
♪ Na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na ♪
♪ Na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
Babe, I don't care
about the back.
I'm behind the bar all day.
Well, I care about
the back. Oh, yeah?
Well, I care about
this piece right here.
Oh, do you?
I do.
Let me take a look.
Come and take a look.
I don't know. It looks
pretty good to me.
Think the girls are asleep?
Oh, we can be quiet.
Think the kitchen
floor is clean?
No. No?
What am I rolling
around on down here?
Oh, Fruity Pebbles.
Feels more like Cap'n Crunch.
Focus. Focus.
Sweet'n all.
Sounds like Seconal.
Mm, remember Seconal?
Watch and learn.
Percocet should never be
crushed, broken or chewed
unless you want it
to hit your system
like a bolt of lightning.
Which is only a problem
if you're afraid of
lightning, which I am not.
Mid-morning.
Mid-afternoon.
The long ride home.
Should be a pretty good day.
Good morning.
You're going in already? Yeah.
I got the new ice machine
and the beer delivery.
You said we could have waffles.
Yes, well, Fiona, honey, I lied.
Gracie, are you
eating your breakfast?
They're not tight enough.
Come on. The bus is
gonna be here in two minutes.
You gotta eat, okay?
You eat, I'll tie.
I hear the bus.
That's a garbage truck.
Do I have to clean that up?
No.
Daddy likes Fruity
Pebbles on the floor.
Why?
Don't worry about
it, my darling.
Jacks.
Recycle these, would you?
Did you ever hear
of dry cleaning?
Saw it in a movie
once. Seems tedious.
Hello.
Jacks.
Oh, God.
Randy, I'm not faking
an allergy to your cat.
Bonbon makes my eyes itch.
You're right. I mean, no.
I faked a sore throat at
Danny and Dawn's party
because I hate tapas.
Okay, I'm gonna get
some ZYRTEC from Eddie.
I gotta go.
Ta-da.
Look, I know what
you're thinking.
Geeky new girl baked.
Trying to get the kids
at school to like her.
I don't sleep much, so I bake.
And I noticed there's never
anything to eat around here.
So please take one.
Before I die of humiliation.
I can't believe I did this.
Baby, these are very heavy.
Oh, no, she didn't.
Oh, yes, she did.
I need to talk to someone now.
Well, I need you
to calm down now.
"Calm down." What the fuck?
Why won't anybody talk to me?
Thor.
Thank you. My pleasure.
So is Mo-Mo still with Randy?
I think so, but hang in
there. You are a catch.
I will.
Hi. You have flawless skin.
Is he married?
No, go get him.
Oh, fuck.
Security.
What the fuck?
You're supposed to
get them at the door.
- Come on. Come on.
- Let go of me!
Oh, God.
Honey, I'm all right. Relax,
I'm okay. This happens.
I'm going to go get
some ice for your cheek.
Thirteen-year-old male,
fell off a skateboard,
witnesses say dropped 10 feet,
landed on his head, no
helmet, going 15 miles per hour.
You, louder, slower.
Found down,
immediately unresponsive,
O2 sat 95 percent,
22 angio, BP's decent.
All right, on my three.
Ready, one, two, three.
Okay, working
from the head down.
Hey, it's a party.
Fixed and dilated.
Jacks, call Neurosurg,
tell them to prep the OR.
Dislocated shoulder,
elbow's in four pieces.
Do an ultrasound. Check
for internal bleeding.
Should be straightforward.
Do we have repeats
of the vital signs?
Can we keep it down?
Excuse me?
Hang on a second.
I think I hear an
abdominal aortal aneurysm.
Pretty sure. No one
hears an aneurysm.
Yeah, well, when I
was in med school,
there was this guy
that had similar...
Really?
We don't pop this kid's lid,
he's gonna be a vegetable.
If an aneurysm breaks loose,
100 percent chance he's dead.
Too many cooks.
You have to leave now.
They spent $8 billion on
it? It's fucking ridiculous.
I don't think I'm sure
what they're looking for.
Well, in a nutshell...
Oh, a nutshell.
You wanna know
what they're looking for?
I'm sorry, go.
All right, there's matter
and there's antimatter.
All right, when they collide,
they annihilate each other.
Total annihilation, boom.
Depressing. No, no,
no, here's what it is.
Total annihilation means
we shouldn't be here, right?
You, me, pencils, gone.
This thing in
France, or wherever,
is gonna shoot a
proton at an antiproton
and smash it at
the speed of light.
But $8 billion, really? So what?
They're looking for the particle
that allows matter to
connect with other matter
and become actual things.
You, me, pencils.
It's fucking magic, Jackie.
It... It's the God particle.
That's what they're looking for.
They're looking for God.
I'm sorry. I get excited. Mm-hm.
You had me at "annihilation."
Dr. Persad, pick up on 7758.
Dr. Persad, pick up on 7758.
No, you're in the right place.
If you saw the men's
room, you'd understand.
Hey, Mom, it's me.
Hey, honey. Are you all right?
No, I'm good. Really good.
Yeah.
I don't think I can do this.
Nobody said part of
the job was getting hit.
Who's getting hit?
Jackie, my boss.
She hit you?
No, she didn't hit
me. She got hit.
By this man.
Hard. It was awful.
Plus, they hated the muffins.
It was a totally bad idea.
Ears don't just jump
into toilets, do they?
That's a rhetorical
question, right?
Your student found
this in the ladies' room.
Floating in the toilet.
I was just standing there
on the phone with my mom.
It's from that guy
you treated yesterday.
What guy?
You were the last
one to handle it, Zoey.
Wait, what?
I handed it to you, sweetie.
She got sick. Yes, but...
Listen, I understand
it was your first day.
I can handle this.
Thank you. No, but I...
I have to initiate an
internal investigation.
I resent what
you're insinuating.
Why on earth would my
nursing student flush a man's ear?
But I'm the one who found it.
Mm-hm, and there are firemen
who set their own
fires just to call them in.
You know, you're not wrong.
My Uncle Gary
torched a hobby store,
but that was an insurance thing.
Uh, but...
Anyway, I hope you
get to the bottom of this.
I'm gonna have to ask the
two of you to fill out a report.
What is that?
It's Sweet'n all.
I have been looking
for Sweet'n all
all over this place for days.
Am I going to be arrested?
What? No. My God, no.
Come on. I'll let
you do a catheter.
Really? Yeah.
Didn't the doctor
tell you not to smoke
when you're on oxygen?
I stopped doing what I was told
when my husband hit
me for not vacuuming.
Mm, me too.
Where's Dr. Cooper?
I paged him 20 minutes ago.
Jackie, I'd like
you to meet Eileen.
She was enjoying a smoke
when her oxygen tank blew up.
Ah. Eileen, this is Jackie.
Nice to meet you, Eileen.
Likewise. Oh, my. I bet I
look like Wile E. Coyote.
Yes. You would win that bet.
If you're gonna diet, diet.
Hi, guys. What
are we looking at?
This is Eileen. She was smoking
with her oxygen tank.
You might have some
first-degree burns
underneath all that soot,
but nothing to worry about.
He paged you 20 minutes ago.
Seriously, 20 minutes?
Forgot to turn it on.
So, what can we do to
make this whole thing better?
You two. Kiss?
You need Security?
Nope, I got it.
Oh, don't worry. It's not poop.
Fucking monsters.
Pudding. He went
off in the cafeteria.
Hi.
What's happening? Is he okay?
Well, he's still in the OR,
but his injuries are serious.
He's receiving the
absolute best care possible.
Did they have to cut his hair?
The surgeons had to relieve
the pressure in his skull so...
Oh. Oh, God, he's
gonna be so mad at me.
He... He loves his hair.
I was there.
I... I watched it happen.
You have no idea
how hard it is to
watch your child falling
and you can't do
anything to stop it.
No. You're right. I don't.
Surgery, respond
to a page at 4869.
Oh, goddamn it, Coop was right.
Skater boy had an aneurysm.
Are you kidding me?
You'll feel better after
we eat something.
What kind of a lucky wanker
actually hears an aneurysm?
Well, even a blind squirrel
finds a nut now and then.
Who knows? He might
actually have good instincts.
Take that back.
Coop is nothing but a big girl's
blouse, Jackie, and you know it.
I know, I know, I know.
I think I know where you're
going with that reference.
He's meek. He's a
fraud. He's full of bullshit.
Come on, I only have
a half-hour for lunch.
Don't order the soufflé.
It never takes 10 minutes.
We have a nice, little
pecking order at work.
Coop being a good doctor
disrupts the entire
balance of my universe.
Next thing you know,
he'll be chief of Surgery.
Okay, quick hypothetical.
What would happen
to a student nurse
if she got busted flushing
a patient's body part
down the toilet?
So sweet, trying to
take my mind off things
with your own naughty doings.
Was it a penis?
No, an ear. Don't ask.
And you blamed the
new girl? Well done.
Well, she's a student.
She won't get fired.
Anyway, if you
want me for backup,
you can say I
ordered her to flush it.
Oh, heaven.
Hello, my darling.
What? No.
Oh, "Closed for private party."
No, no.
Come on. I'll buy you a hot dog.
What? A hot dog?
Oh, honey, I was kidding.
God. A hot dog?
I was kidding. I
was just kidding.
I would never, never, never.
Dr. Forest, dial 1-1-2, please.
Dr. Forest, please dial 1-1-2.
Dr. Cooper.
Oh, come on.
Coop.
All right, duly noted.
Uh, you were right.
That kid had an aneurysm.
This is where you get to gloat.
I fucking knew it...
Okay, time's up.
Listen, I wanna tell you
something, and I don't...
Well, okay.
I think that you think
that you are a bad doctor.
And I think you do all this,
you know, easy-breezy
bullshit to make up for it.
And I think, however, that...
Well, and if you
tell anybody this
I will deny it and string
you up and bleed you out.
I think...
you are a good doctor.
It's not a compliment.
You know, it's your job.
That just makes it
easier for me to do mine.
Don't. Oh, no,
don't, don't, don't.
Thank you.
Ah.
What was that?
Well, you know,
it was horrifying.
Mm-hm.
Hi, guys.
Uh-oh.
You are a good lady, lady.
Excuse me.
Where's my purse?
Don't... MAN: Stop
resisting us, sir.
Don't... Fucking monsters.
We're trying to help you.
What's going on?
Punched fire alarm,
clipped ulnar, missed radial.
Get the fuck off me!
Easy, guys, easy. You've
gotta calm down, sir.
I can't take care of her on
my own. Don't you get it?
I got stairs. I
don't got a ramp.
Try it again. You took her legs.
You expect me to push her around
with a bag of piss
hanging of the chair
for the rest of her life?
What's she paying for
all these years, huh?
Tell me. Just fucking tell me.
Can you uncuff him, please?
He hit you.
Zoey.
Ma'am... God, do
not call me "ma'am."
Uncuff him.
Ah, Jackie, I'd feel better
if he were restrained.
You were right
about the aneurysm.
Hospital's pressing charges.
Unless he's psychotic...
Okay, he's psychotic. See you.
See you.
Thank you.
I'm not crazy.
Are you all right?
I'm sorry I hit you.
What's your name?
Louis.
Do you have any
idea how much it costs
to insure a morbidly obese
alcoholic, diabetic woman
with a heart murmur?
Is this your mom
we're talking about?
HMO's sending her home.
And they took her frigging legs.
How am I supposed to take
care of her? I got two jobs.
Let's get him a
bed for the night.
He's lost a lot of blood.
We'll get you a bed.
Could we get Social
Services down here?
We're gonna help you, Louis.
Just stay put.
Hovering.
Still hovering.
I'm not sure that I can do this.
I mean, I... You. You and Mo-Mo,
you're all so good at what
you do and the doctors...
Oh, my God, they're healers.
And this place is so amazing.
I got into nursing because
I wanna help people
and I'm afraid that I'm
just slowing you down.
What's this about?
Nobody ate your muffins?
You found an ear in
the toilet? So what?
You know what
this job is, honey?
This job is wading through
a shit storm of people
who come into this place
on the worst day of their lives.
Just so you know, doctors
are here to diagnose, not heal.
We heal.
All Saints is in the
business of flipping beds.
That's it. End of story.
The fact that you have
even the slightest inclination
to help people puts
you miles ahead
of 100 percent
of the population.
So stop crying, okay? Buck up.
If you need to cry, go
do it in the ladies' room.
Is that clear?
Long road.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, um, here's an update.
He's critical, but he is stable.
Th-that's good, right?
Yes, yes, um...
But it's gonna be a long haul.
Now, I know you know this,
and I know it's hard
sometimes to get them to do it,
but you've got to make
him wear a helmet.
I know. I know. Okay?
Oh, I know. It was
only one ramp,
and it wasn't that high.
He booked t-the cover of
Pottery Barn Teen and I...
And I asked the photographer
to get a couple
without the helmet.
I'm sorry?
I wanted them for his portfolio
now that he's got longer hair.
It took us a year
to grow it out.
Oh.
Okay.
It's gonna take him a year
to learn how to walk again.
You took his helmet off.
It's your job to protect him.
Hey.
Jesus. Hey.
Damn.
Eileen, are you all right?
Everybody's passing me by.
Wait here.
Good stuff. Are
you gonna pretend
you didn't see
her sitting there?
It's your goddamn job.
Are you fucking kidding me?
How long you been having pains?
All day, I guess.
Okay. Shit.
You're okay.
Eileen, can you wheel yourself
in there and get me some help?
Okay.
Okay, are you
allergic to anything?
All right. You're all right.
Sure, take my last one.
This will help.
Is this cab free?
Are you fucking nuts?
Oh.
He was having chest
pains then he passed out.
What do you think?
Are they ready?
I don't know. I think
I better taste them.
Dad, that's ours.
Mm. Pretty good.
They're ready, they're ready.
Here you go.
Hey, babe. Mom.
Mom, you're kissing too hard.
No such thing. My
heads, my rules.
Mom, you messed up my hair.
All right. Tell me what
you learned today.
That antibacterial soap
doesn't work anymore
because the germs got stronger.
Wash your hands anyway.
Mine's a show, not a tell.
It's a knot.
Mrs. Happy taught me.
Very nice.
I think Mommy means
what did you learn at school?
But that was great.
Hey, get a load of
the new ice machine.
Oh.
Integrated water filtration,
front air intake, perfect ice.
Magic.
Powerful real-world consequence.
Deep in the hillside of
the Franco-Swiss border,
the $8 billion Hadron
Collider prepares to shoot
subatomic particles through
some 17 miles of tunnel
Eight billion dollars?
Fuck me.
It's kind of amazing
what it does, though.
They're looking
for the God particle.
Yeah?
How do you know that?
I get around.
♪ Sometimes I think ♪
♪ I fall and I fall ♪
♪ And I can't stand up ♪
♪ Somebody say hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ It's gonna be okay ♪
♪ Sometimes I hit the wall ♪
♪ And I fall And
I can't stand up ♪
♪ Somebody say Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Sometimes I fall ♪
♪ I fall and I can't stand up ♪
♪ Somebody say hey, hey... ♪
That woman you cut
took 287 stitches
and 10 pints of blood.
She liked to cut herself.
Fuck you.
This is where you
jump in, you tell me:
"You did everything you
could. It wasn't your fault."
Do you want me to say that?
If I tell you to order a
scan, you order a scan.
If you don't do it, I'll
go to the next doctor.
In the meantime, that kid
died, and it is all on you.
Dr. Cooper grabbed my tit today.
He says it was
a Tourette's response to stress.
Do you realize you're
the only sane one there?
Zoey.
First year nursing.
Queens Community.
Hi.
Ow, ow, ow!
What? Eddie, my back, my back.
I think you're a saint.
A MoonPie. Mm-hm.
For me? Mm-hm.
Split it with your sister.
Hey, babe.
I made pancakes for
dinner. How great is that?
♪ Na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na ♪
♪ Na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na ♪
♪ Na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
Babe, I don't care
about the back.
I'm behind the bar all day.
Well, I care about
the back. Oh, yeah?
Well, I care about
this piece right here.
Oh, do you?
I do.
Let me take a look.
Come and take a look.
I don't know. It looks
pretty good to me.
Think the girls are asleep?
Oh, we can be quiet.
Think the kitchen
floor is clean?
No. No?
What am I rolling
around on down here?
Oh, Fruity Pebbles.
Feels more like Cap'n Crunch.
Focus. Focus.
Sweet'n all.
Sounds like Seconal.
Mm, remember Seconal?
Watch and learn.
Percocet should never be
crushed, broken or chewed
unless you want it
to hit your system
like a bolt of lightning.
Which is only a problem
if you're afraid of
lightning, which I am not.
Mid-morning.
Mid-afternoon.
The long ride home.
Should be a pretty good day.
Good morning.
You're going in already? Yeah.
I got the new ice machine
and the beer delivery.
You said we could have waffles.
Yes, well, Fiona, honey, I lied.
Gracie, are you
eating your breakfast?
They're not tight enough.
Come on. The bus is
gonna be here in two minutes.
You gotta eat, okay?
You eat, I'll tie.
I hear the bus.
That's a garbage truck.
Do I have to clean that up?
No.
Daddy likes Fruity
Pebbles on the floor.
Why?
Don't worry about
it, my darling.
Jacks.
Recycle these, would you?
Did you ever hear
of dry cleaning?
Saw it in a movie
once. Seems tedious.
Hello.
Jacks.
Oh, God.
Randy, I'm not faking
an allergy to your cat.
Bonbon makes my eyes itch.
You're right. I mean, no.
I faked a sore throat at
Danny and Dawn's party
because I hate tapas.
Okay, I'm gonna get
some ZYRTEC from Eddie.
I gotta go.
Ta-da.
Look, I know what
you're thinking.
Geeky new girl baked.
Trying to get the kids
at school to like her.
I don't sleep much, so I bake.
And I noticed there's never
anything to eat around here.
So please take one.
Before I die of humiliation.
I can't believe I did this.
Baby, these are very heavy.
Oh, no, she didn't.
Oh, yes, she did.
I need to talk to someone now.
Well, I need you
to calm down now.
"Calm down." What the fuck?
Why won't anybody talk to me?
Thor.
Thank you. My pleasure.
So is Mo-Mo still with Randy?
I think so, but hang in
there. You are a catch.
I will.
Hi. You have flawless skin.
Is he married?
No, go get him.
Oh, fuck.
Security.
What the fuck?
You're supposed to
get them at the door.
- Come on. Come on.
- Let go of me!
Oh, God.
Honey, I'm all right. Relax,
I'm okay. This happens.
I'm going to go get
some ice for your cheek.
Thirteen-year-old male,
fell off a skateboard,
witnesses say dropped 10 feet,
landed on his head, no
helmet, going 15 miles per hour.
You, louder, slower.
Found down,
immediately unresponsive,
O2 sat 95 percent,
22 angio, BP's decent.
All right, on my three.
Ready, one, two, three.
Okay, working
from the head down.
Hey, it's a party.
Fixed and dilated.
Jacks, call Neurosurg,
tell them to prep the OR.
Dislocated shoulder,
elbow's in four pieces.
Do an ultrasound. Check
for internal bleeding.
Should be straightforward.
Do we have repeats
of the vital signs?
Can we keep it down?
Excuse me?
Hang on a second.
I think I hear an
abdominal aortal aneurysm.
Pretty sure. No one
hears an aneurysm.
Yeah, well, when I
was in med school,
there was this guy
that had similar...
Really?
We don't pop this kid's lid,
he's gonna be a vegetable.
If an aneurysm breaks loose,
100 percent chance he's dead.
Too many cooks.
You have to leave now.
They spent $8 billion on
it? It's fucking ridiculous.
I don't think I'm sure
what they're looking for.
Well, in a nutshell...
Oh, a nutshell.
You wanna know
what they're looking for?
I'm sorry, go.
All right, there's matter
and there's antimatter.
All right, when they collide,
they annihilate each other.
Total annihilation, boom.
Depressing. No, no,
no, here's what it is.
Total annihilation means
we shouldn't be here, right?
You, me, pencils, gone.
This thing in
France, or wherever,
is gonna shoot a
proton at an antiproton
and smash it at
the speed of light.
But $8 billion, really? So what?
They're looking for the particle
that allows matter to
connect with other matter
and become actual things.
You, me, pencils.
It's fucking magic, Jackie.
It... It's the God particle.
That's what they're looking for.
They're looking for God.
I'm sorry. I get excited. Mm-hm.
You had me at "annihilation."
Dr. Persad, pick up on 7758.
Dr. Persad, pick up on 7758.
No, you're in the right place.
If you saw the men's
room, you'd understand.
Hey, Mom, it's me.
Hey, honey. Are you all right?
No, I'm good. Really good.
Yeah.
I don't think I can do this.
Nobody said part of
the job was getting hit.
Who's getting hit?
Jackie, my boss.
She hit you?
No, she didn't hit
me. She got hit.
By this man.
Hard. It was awful.
Plus, they hated the muffins.
It was a totally bad idea.
Ears don't just jump
into toilets, do they?
That's a rhetorical
question, right?
Your student found
this in the ladies' room.
Floating in the toilet.
I was just standing there
on the phone with my mom.
It's from that guy
you treated yesterday.
What guy?
You were the last
one to handle it, Zoey.
Wait, what?
I handed it to you, sweetie.
She got sick. Yes, but...
Listen, I understand
it was your first day.
I can handle this.
Thank you. No, but I...
I have to initiate an
internal investigation.
I resent what
you're insinuating.
Why on earth would my
nursing student flush a man's ear?
But I'm the one who found it.
Mm-hm, and there are firemen
who set their own
fires just to call them in.
You know, you're not wrong.
My Uncle Gary
torched a hobby store,
but that was an insurance thing.
Uh, but...
Anyway, I hope you
get to the bottom of this.
I'm gonna have to ask the
two of you to fill out a report.
What is that?
It's Sweet'n all.
I have been looking
for Sweet'n all
all over this place for days.
Am I going to be arrested?
What? No. My God, no.
Come on. I'll let
you do a catheter.
Really? Yeah.
Didn't the doctor
tell you not to smoke
when you're on oxygen?
I stopped doing what I was told
when my husband hit
me for not vacuuming.
Mm, me too.
Where's Dr. Cooper?
I paged him 20 minutes ago.
Jackie, I'd like
you to meet Eileen.
She was enjoying a smoke
when her oxygen tank blew up.
Ah. Eileen, this is Jackie.
Nice to meet you, Eileen.
Likewise. Oh, my. I bet I
look like Wile E. Coyote.
Yes. You would win that bet.
If you're gonna diet, diet.
Hi, guys. What
are we looking at?
This is Eileen. She was smoking
with her oxygen tank.
You might have some
first-degree burns
underneath all that soot,
but nothing to worry about.
He paged you 20 minutes ago.
Seriously, 20 minutes?
Forgot to turn it on.
So, what can we do to
make this whole thing better?
You two. Kiss?
You need Security?
Nope, I got it.
Oh, don't worry. It's not poop.
Fucking monsters.
Pudding. He went
off in the cafeteria.
Hi.
What's happening? Is he okay?
Well, he's still in the OR,
but his injuries are serious.
He's receiving the
absolute best care possible.
Did they have to cut his hair?
The surgeons had to relieve
the pressure in his skull so...
Oh. Oh, God, he's
gonna be so mad at me.
He... He loves his hair.
I was there.
I... I watched it happen.
You have no idea
how hard it is to
watch your child falling
and you can't do
anything to stop it.
No. You're right. I don't.
Surgery, respond
to a page at 4869.
Oh, goddamn it, Coop was right.
Skater boy had an aneurysm.
Are you kidding me?
You'll feel better after
we eat something.
What kind of a lucky wanker
actually hears an aneurysm?
Well, even a blind squirrel
finds a nut now and then.
Who knows? He might
actually have good instincts.
Take that back.
Coop is nothing but a big girl's
blouse, Jackie, and you know it.
I know, I know, I know.
I think I know where you're
going with that reference.
He's meek. He's a
fraud. He's full of bullshit.
Come on, I only have
a half-hour for lunch.
Don't order the soufflé.
It never takes 10 minutes.
We have a nice, little
pecking order at work.
Coop being a good doctor
disrupts the entire
balance of my universe.
Next thing you know,
he'll be chief of Surgery.
Okay, quick hypothetical.
What would happen
to a student nurse
if she got busted flushing
a patient's body part
down the toilet?
So sweet, trying to
take my mind off things
with your own naughty doings.
Was it a penis?
No, an ear. Don't ask.
And you blamed the
new girl? Well done.
Well, she's a student.
She won't get fired.
Anyway, if you
want me for backup,
you can say I
ordered her to flush it.
Oh, heaven.
Hello, my darling.
What? No.
Oh, "Closed for private party."
No, no.
Come on. I'll buy you a hot dog.
What? A hot dog?
Oh, honey, I was kidding.
God. A hot dog?
I was kidding. I
was just kidding.
I would never, never, never.
Dr. Forest, dial 1-1-2, please.
Dr. Forest, please dial 1-1-2.
Dr. Cooper.
Oh, come on.
Coop.
All right, duly noted.
Uh, you were right.
That kid had an aneurysm.
This is where you get to gloat.
I fucking knew it...
Okay, time's up.
Listen, I wanna tell you
something, and I don't...
Well, okay.
I think that you think
that you are a bad doctor.
And I think you do all this,
you know, easy-breezy
bullshit to make up for it.
And I think, however, that...
Well, and if you
tell anybody this
I will deny it and string
you up and bleed you out.
I think...
you are a good doctor.
It's not a compliment.
You know, it's your job.
That just makes it
easier for me to do mine.
Don't. Oh, no,
don't, don't, don't.
Thank you.
Ah.
What was that?
Well, you know,
it was horrifying.
Mm-hm.
Hi, guys.
Uh-oh.
You are a good lady, lady.
Excuse me.
Where's my purse?
Don't... MAN: Stop
resisting us, sir.
Don't... Fucking monsters.
We're trying to help you.
What's going on?
Punched fire alarm,
clipped ulnar, missed radial.
Get the fuck off me!
Easy, guys, easy. You've
gotta calm down, sir.
I can't take care of her on
my own. Don't you get it?
I got stairs. I
don't got a ramp.
Try it again. You took her legs.
You expect me to push her around
with a bag of piss
hanging of the chair
for the rest of her life?
What's she paying for
all these years, huh?
Tell me. Just fucking tell me.
Can you uncuff him, please?
He hit you.
Zoey.
Ma'am... God, do
not call me "ma'am."
Uncuff him.
Ah, Jackie, I'd feel better
if he were restrained.
You were right
about the aneurysm.
Hospital's pressing charges.
Unless he's psychotic...
Okay, he's psychotic. See you.
See you.
Thank you.
I'm not crazy.
Are you all right?
I'm sorry I hit you.
What's your name?
Louis.
Do you have any
idea how much it costs
to insure a morbidly obese
alcoholic, diabetic woman
with a heart murmur?
Is this your mom
we're talking about?
HMO's sending her home.
And they took her frigging legs.
How am I supposed to take
care of her? I got two jobs.
Let's get him a
bed for the night.
He's lost a lot of blood.
We'll get you a bed.
Could we get Social
Services down here?
We're gonna help you, Louis.
Just stay put.
Hovering.
Still hovering.
I'm not sure that I can do this.
I mean, I... You. You and Mo-Mo,
you're all so good at what
you do and the doctors...
Oh, my God, they're healers.
And this place is so amazing.
I got into nursing because
I wanna help people
and I'm afraid that I'm
just slowing you down.
What's this about?
Nobody ate your muffins?
You found an ear in
the toilet? So what?
You know what
this job is, honey?
This job is wading through
a shit storm of people
who come into this place
on the worst day of their lives.
Just so you know, doctors
are here to diagnose, not heal.
We heal.
All Saints is in the
business of flipping beds.
That's it. End of story.
The fact that you have
even the slightest inclination
to help people puts
you miles ahead
of 100 percent
of the population.
So stop crying, okay? Buck up.
If you need to cry, go
do it in the ladies' room.
Is that clear?
Long road.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, um, here's an update.
He's critical, but he is stable.
Th-that's good, right?
Yes, yes, um...
But it's gonna be a long haul.
Now, I know you know this,
and I know it's hard
sometimes to get them to do it,
but you've got to make
him wear a helmet.
I know. I know. Okay?
Oh, I know. It was
only one ramp,
and it wasn't that high.
He booked t-the cover of
Pottery Barn Teen and I...
And I asked the photographer
to get a couple
without the helmet.
I'm sorry?
I wanted them for his portfolio
now that he's got longer hair.
It took us a year
to grow it out.
Oh.
Okay.
It's gonna take him a year
to learn how to walk again.
You took his helmet off.
It's your job to protect him.
Hey.
Jesus. Hey.
Damn.
Eileen, are you all right?
Everybody's passing me by.
Wait here.
Good stuff. Are
you gonna pretend
you didn't see
her sitting there?
It's your goddamn job.
Are you fucking kidding me?
How long you been having pains?
All day, I guess.
Okay. Shit.
You're okay.
Eileen, can you wheel yourself
in there and get me some help?
Okay.
Okay, are you
allergic to anything?
All right. You're all right.
Sure, take my last one.
This will help.
Is this cab free?
Are you fucking nuts?
Oh.
He was having chest
pains then he passed out.
What do you think?
Are they ready?
I don't know. I think
I better taste them.
Dad, that's ours.
Mm. Pretty good.
They're ready, they're ready.
Here you go.
Hey, babe. Mom.
Mom, you're kissing too hard.
No such thing. My
heads, my rules.
Mom, you messed up my hair.
All right. Tell me what
you learned today.
That antibacterial soap
doesn't work anymore
because the germs got stronger.
Wash your hands anyway.
Mine's a show, not a tell.
It's a knot.
Mrs. Happy taught me.
Very nice.
I think Mommy means
what did you learn at school?
But that was great.
Hey, get a load of
the new ice machine.
Oh.
Integrated water filtration,
front air intake, perfect ice.
Magic.
Powerful real-world consequence.
Deep in the hillside of
the Franco-Swiss border,
the $8 billion Hadron
Collider prepares to shoot
subatomic particles through
some 17 miles of tunnel
Eight billion dollars?
Fuck me.
It's kind of amazing
what it does, though.
They're looking
for the God particle.
Yeah?
How do you know that?
I get around.
♪ Sometimes I think ♪
♪ I fall and I fall ♪
♪ And I can't stand up ♪
♪ Somebody say hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ It's gonna be okay ♪
♪ Sometimes I hit the wall ♪
♪ And I fall And
I can't stand up ♪
♪ Somebody say Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Sometimes I fall ♪
♪ I fall and I can't stand up ♪
♪ Somebody say hey, hey... ♪