Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript
Nurse Jackie Peyton is a hard working and dedicated ER nurse. She has a bad back, is married with two kids, but fools around and puts altogether too many hours in at work. She also has good...
♪ Got to get off ♪
♪ Going to get ♪
♪ Have to get off
From this ride ♪
Let us go then, you and I
When the evening is
spread out against the sky
Like a patient
etherised upon a table
T.S. Eliot, 10th grade English,
Sister Jane de Chanteau.
What a champ.
She told me that the people
with the greatest
capacity for good
are the ones with the
greatest capacity for evil.
Smart fucking nun.
All right, I got one for you.
What do you call a
nurse with a bad back?
Unemployed.
Ba-dum-bump.
One left. That sucks.
♪ Is this a dream ♪
♪ Am I here ♪
♪ Where are you? ♪
♪ What's in back of the sky? ♪
Sixteen grains.
No more, no less.
Just a little bump to
get me up and running.
♪ Got to get off ♪
♪ Going to get out Of
this merry-go-round ♪
Blue team, ambulance...
No, no, St. Barts.
Four hours,
door-to-door. Book it.
Trust me, you won't regret it.
We good? All
right, I've got to go.
Hey, champ.
Head struck, open tib-fib.
Pulse is weak and thready.
Does that hurt? How about that?
Hey. Why don't
you let me do that?
How you doing, Peter?
You hanging in there?
It's all good. No pain?
Nope.
Can you show me two fingers?
Peter? Two fingers?
Hey, doc, you
should get an iPhone.
You think so?
Let's get Raj from
Ortho down here.
Watch the light, hon.
Blood in the ear.
Let's check for glucose.
Rule out CSF, all right?
This guy needs a scan.
Hey, I know what I'm
doing. Jesus, bossy.
That leg's fucked
up. Ortho, seriously?
He's got a bleed, I'm
telling you right now.
He's totally lucid, 100 percent.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
See? What did I tell you?
Let's get some film on that leg.
We're going to fix
you up real good, chief.
Acute subdural hematoma.
The brain puffs up so
fast it rips the blood vessels
and you bleed to
death inside your skull.
Twenty-seven-year-old
bike messenger.
Yeah, of course he's a donor.
Of course I have
the family's consent.
Jesus Christ, you people.
You have four minutes to get
a transplant team to the place.
Yeah, three minutes
and counting, okay?
Hang up the phone and drive.
Gosh, you should not have died,
Peter Michael Donovan.
It may have been a shame,
but it will not be a waste.
That I promise.
My son was an organ donor?
He was.
Fucking bleeding heart.
Give it all away, Petey.
What the fuck with the
language? Look at where you are.
Jesus. Blow me.
All right.
Where's the bike?
I'm sorry?
He's our brother. He
broke his leg and died
and you want to know
where that bike is?
He didn't die
from the leg injury.
That bike was, like, 3 grand.
I want to know where it is.
What, you want Beth to have it?
Fuck Beth.
Beth is the girlfriend.
Oh, I see.
We worked 9/11. And
not a scratch on us.
Petey's job is to ride a bike.
And he gets killed.
Seriously, you don't
know where the bike is?
Jackie.
Chocolate milk.
Dr. Cooper.
Coop.
Call me Coop.
Dr. Cooper.
Nurse Jackie.
So, what's up?
What can I do for you?
What you can do for me is this.
You can stay the
fuck out of my way,
that's what you can do for me.
You need to use the sink?
No.
What I need is for you
to know that I know you.
I have seen hundreds
of you jerkoffs
blow through these doors.
You graduated what, the top 10,
top 5 percent of
your class, right?
Test scores through the roof
but a total fucking retard
when it comes
to actual patients.
I know you.
I had to look that
kid's mother in the eye
and tell her we did everything
we could, you dumb shit.
That was my patient.
I told you he was
slipping, and he was.
If I tell you to order a
scan, you order a scan.
If you don't do it, I'll
go to the next doctor.
And the next doctor after that.
In the meantime, that kid died.
And it is all on you.
Wha...?
Is... Is this happening,
not happening?
I-I can't even tell.
Oh, shit. Oh, crap,
I... I... I'm so sorry.
Oh, God, I... No.
When I get nervous,
I act out with inappropriate
sexual touches.
It's like, uh... It's
like Tourette's. It's...
It's over, okay? It happened,
it's over, so there's that.
Yeah. No. I... I'm
practically uninsurable.
Seriously, Jackie.
It's completely involuntary.
I am not attracted
to you at all.
Wow, Coop. Charming as ever.
Jacks, Wicked Witch
is looking for you.
Apparently, you dropped
a house on her sister.
Don't be mad, lady.
Hi. Zoey.
First year nursing,
Queens Community.
Hi again.
Fresh meat.
I took the last three.
This one's yours.
Fuck off, Mohammed. No offense.
These hours, Jackie.
All Saints Hospital and
its myriad subsidiaries do,
in no way endorse 80-hour
weeks from its nursing staff.
Please, Mrs. Akalitis,
please. I am with a student.
Let's go, whatever your name is.
After 12.5 hours nurses
are three times more
likely to make mistakes.
Lies, Mrs. Akalitis, lies.
Two things.
Did you take Dr. Ekebwe's pen?
And can you do a
double on Monday?
Yes and yes.
Good, you're quiet.
I like them quiet.
Which I think is funny,
but I just want you to know,
I think it's super great
I'll be with you all day.
I can tell you're somebody
who lives the job.
And that's totally me, totally.
Okay, a quick question. Sure.
Shut up.
Is that a question? I
don't like chatty, okay?
I don't do chatty. I like quiet.
Quiet and mean.
Those are my people.
How's your friend here feel
about wheeling a cart of chemo
meds up to the Chemo Ward?
I don't know. Why
don't you ask her?
Oh, my God, I'd love to.
Hi.
Ow! Ow.
Stop. Eddie, my back,
my back, my back.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay, babe, okay. Yeah.
Okay. Ow.
Let's, uh... Let's, uh...
Let's get you up onto
the cot. Wait, wait.
You all right?
All right. All right, all right.
Oh, shit.
All right? Yep. Yeah.
Sorry. Oops.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Oh, shit.
What do you say we just...
Just lay here for a minute?
All right.
I got six minutes. Five minutes.
I'm going to set my watch.
You better?
Yeah. Yeah, it is better.
Do you want a little
something for your back?
No, I'm all right.
That's sweet. I'm okay.
You know what? Maybe...
Uh, maybe a little Oxy.
Mm.
Blue team, trauma room.
Two minutes.
Nineteen-year-old female.
Multiple stab wounds,
arms, head and chest.
Eighty over 45, O2 sat 83.
His suit, it looked so nice.
We got you
inside, it's all right.
Caught some john cutting
up hookers in a limo.
Dumped her in the Alphabets.
Why did he have
to cut me so bad?
They get him? No.
Lookout for Vincent van
Gogh in a Zegna fucking suit.
She got the blade away
from him. Cut his whole ear off.
Oh, good girl.
Put it on ice.
Nice.
Puke away from the ear, Zoey.
This way. Follow me.
Fucking Manolo Blahnik.
Hurt like hell,
but they make my
legs look so good.
Can I see that?
What size do you wear?
Eight.
I thought I did too.
I need to eat something.
Me too.
Dr. Cooper grabbed my tit today.
Did your tit make
the first move?
He says it was a Tourette's
response to stress.
Jesus. You're kidding.
No, I'm not.
That man is incompetent
and dangerous.
He killed a bike
messenger today.
Jesus, Jackie, you're
such a tattletale.
More bread.
What do you doctors have
against healing people,
for chrissake?
Oh, yeah, you see
that lot right there?
Healing, helping, fixing.
Fantastic.
That's why you're a nurse.
When I was a little
girl, I took a butter knife
and opened up a dead
bunny to see how it worked.
That's why I'm a doctor.
You care as much as
I do and you know it.
Yeah. No.
No, I don't.
Do you realize you're
the only sane one there?
It's a fucking asylum.
I'm telling you, Jack,
if I didn't have this,
and of course, you,
I don't think I could
handle it there.
I really don't.
You're so...
dedicated.
I am off the clock.
So am I.
Four minutes till brain damage.
Two till she passes out.
Excuse me.
We need some help here.
I got it. You're buying lunch.
Yes, ma'am.
Are you all right?
I think it's marvelous the
hotel has a nurse on duty.
I'm sorry I puked.
It won't happen again.
Yes, it will.
Sixteen-year-old male.
Shot a Roman
candle out of his ass.
Third-degree burns on his
scrotum and perirectal area.
Find an open GYN. Let's
get him in the stirrups.
Where's Jackie?
Someone get Jackie for me.
I'm right here.
It's okay. You can laugh.
No one's laughing, honey.
First objective is to
get you out of pain.
No, no, no. He's totally loaded.
He is not in any pain.
We don't want to make you
sick. Want to tell us what you took?
Uh... I... I can't remember.
Hennessy and Hpnotiq?
Been smoking a little cush?
Smoking...
Yeah, how did...?
How did she know?
She's seen a
hundred of you jerkoffs
blow through these doors.
I have been exactly
that drunk myself.
Because I used to drink a lot.
So, what, you don't
drink anymore?
No.
Ever? No, never.
I like to have a clear head.
Can we close the door?
Listen.
Would it be okay if I took
a picture of your injuries?
My stupid little brother's,
like, a bong hit away
from launching fireworks
from his ass cheeks.
He might think twice.
Cautionary tale.
Enjoy.
Holler!
It's starting to hurt.
I know, honey. I know.
Ai-yai-yai.
When you have a minute.
Her name is Beth.
Girlfriend of the
bike-messenger kid.
She wants to talk to you.
Why me? Where's
the social worker?
She's still mad at us
for the Christmas party.
Us? You tongued her husband
after Yuletide karaoke, not me.
You dared me.
Oh, man, you owe me.
I owe everybody.
I'm so confused.
He never said anything
about being an organ donor.
I don't want you to just cut
him up like that, you know?
Well, I'm afraid that train
has already left the station.
Don't listen to me, honey. I...
I cannot even begin to
imagine what it must feel like
to be you right now.
And I'm not going to cushion it
and tell you I'm so
sorry for your loss.
I know it is much
bigger than that.
But I am deeply, deeply sorry.
But if it's any comfort,
he's going to be a hero now.
His body is going to save lives.
Okay.
Fine.
Can I have his heart?
I'm sorry?
Oh, how about a kidney?
I know there's this organ
market where rich people buy...
Pay a lot of money
for body parts.
I know, it doesn't
work that way.
Twenty thousand
bucks for a kidney.
Don't you think he owes me that?
For getting himself killed
on that goddamn bike?
What the fuck am
I supposed to do?
I can't even pay for a cab home.
Fucking Peter.
He made me
pancakes this morning.
Kalil.
K-A-L-I-L?
Could I ask you something?
Yeah.
Who is that guy?
Shitbird sliced up a
prostitute in a limo.
Why isn't he cuffed?
Executive secretary
to the fucking
Libyan ambassador.
Can't detain him.
Diplomatic immunity.
Brought him in to
get his ear back.
Are you kidding me? That's it.
Nothing going to happen to him.
Not without his
embassy's consent.
How long is this going to take?
That woman you
cut took 287 stitches
and 10 pints of blood.
She liked to cut herself.
Oh, it was her idea?
Yes.
American women
are very adventurous.
She probably
did it for attention.
What do you do for attention?
I'll be right back.
Fuck you.
What does one
offer as a side dish
when serving John
the Baptist's head
on a silver platter?
Um, coleslaw.
No, mac and cheese.
No, potato salad.
Mm.
And rum and Cokes.
You like rum and
Cokes with anything.
Mm. That's right.
I could have saved that boy,
that messenger kid.
I knew there was
a bleed. I felt it.
This is where you
jump in, you tell me:
"You did everything you
could. It wasn't your fault."
Do you want me to say that?
Do you believe it?
Do you?
You know,
there would be some
definite advantages
to dating a man without a torso.
You could carry
him in your purse.
He could never leave.
You could put him in the
oven when he talks back.
Throw his stupid head overboard
when you catch him
fucking a pool boy
on a cruise to celebrate
your six-month anniversary
that you had to
pay for because he
is a narcissistic
fucking asshole.
How is Randy?
Oh, he's good.
Do you think there's
a finite amount
of pain in the world?
Like, if I take a thorn
out of someone's hand
does that pain have
to go somewhere else?
Yes. That's why there's drugs.
Like maybe God said:
"Here, I want this
much suffering
"to exist in the world.
"You people can split
it up any way you want
but I want exactly
this much suffering."
That would make him
kind of a prick, wouldn't it?
I have a tendency to
over think sometimes.
Go home.
Turn your brain off.
I'll see you tomorrow.
I think you're a saint.
Just so you know.
Goddamn it.
I almost killed you.
I almost killed you.
♪ Got to get off ♪
♪ Going to get ♪
♪ Have to get off Of this ride ♪
♪ Got to get hold ♪
♪ Going to get ♪
♪ Need to get Hold of my pride ♪
♪ When did I... ♪
Good night. Night.
♪ Where did I ♪
♪ How was I caught in ♪
♪ This game ♪
♪ When will I know ♪
♪ Where will I ♪
♪ How will I think of my name ♪
♪ When did I
start Feeling sure ♪
♪ Feeling safe ♪
You want to come over tonight?
Not tonight, okay?
Brought you
something for your back.
Dr. Pepper.
And:
A MoonPie.
I was thinking more
along the lines of Vicodin.
I'm not an idiot.
I love you.
I love you too.
♪ Out of this merry-go-round ♪
♪ Got to get on ♪
♪ Going to get ♪
♪ Need to get on
Where I'm bound ♪
Be careful.
Fuck you.
If I were a saint...
Which maybe I want
to be, maybe I don't.
I would be like Augustine.
He knew there was good in him
and he knew there
was some not so good,
and he wasn't going to
give up his earthly pleasures
before he was good and ready.
Make me good, God, but not yet.
Right?
Hello, my loves. Hey, Mom.
Hi, sweetheart. Mom.
Come here, baby.
A MoonPie. Mm-hm.
For me? Mm-hm.
Split it with your sister.
♪ How will I know? ♪
♪ When will I know ♪
♪ Why? ♪
Hey, babe.
I made pancakes for
dinner. How great is that?
It bears repeating.
Make me good, God,
but not yet.
♪ Going to get ♪
♪ Have to get off
From this ride ♪
Let us go then, you and I
When the evening is
spread out against the sky
Like a patient
etherised upon a table
T.S. Eliot, 10th grade English,
Sister Jane de Chanteau.
What a champ.
She told me that the people
with the greatest
capacity for good
are the ones with the
greatest capacity for evil.
Smart fucking nun.
All right, I got one for you.
What do you call a
nurse with a bad back?
Unemployed.
Ba-dum-bump.
One left. That sucks.
♪ Is this a dream ♪
♪ Am I here ♪
♪ Where are you? ♪
♪ What's in back of the sky? ♪
Sixteen grains.
No more, no less.
Just a little bump to
get me up and running.
♪ Got to get off ♪
♪ Going to get out Of
this merry-go-round ♪
Blue team, ambulance...
No, no, St. Barts.
Four hours,
door-to-door. Book it.
Trust me, you won't regret it.
We good? All
right, I've got to go.
Hey, champ.
Head struck, open tib-fib.
Pulse is weak and thready.
Does that hurt? How about that?
Hey. Why don't
you let me do that?
How you doing, Peter?
You hanging in there?
It's all good. No pain?
Nope.
Can you show me two fingers?
Peter? Two fingers?
Hey, doc, you
should get an iPhone.
You think so?
Let's get Raj from
Ortho down here.
Watch the light, hon.
Blood in the ear.
Let's check for glucose.
Rule out CSF, all right?
This guy needs a scan.
Hey, I know what I'm
doing. Jesus, bossy.
That leg's fucked
up. Ortho, seriously?
He's got a bleed, I'm
telling you right now.
He's totally lucid, 100 percent.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
See? What did I tell you?
Let's get some film on that leg.
We're going to fix
you up real good, chief.
Acute subdural hematoma.
The brain puffs up so
fast it rips the blood vessels
and you bleed to
death inside your skull.
Twenty-seven-year-old
bike messenger.
Yeah, of course he's a donor.
Of course I have
the family's consent.
Jesus Christ, you people.
You have four minutes to get
a transplant team to the place.
Yeah, three minutes
and counting, okay?
Hang up the phone and drive.
Gosh, you should not have died,
Peter Michael Donovan.
It may have been a shame,
but it will not be a waste.
That I promise.
My son was an organ donor?
He was.
Fucking bleeding heart.
Give it all away, Petey.
What the fuck with the
language? Look at where you are.
Jesus. Blow me.
All right.
Where's the bike?
I'm sorry?
He's our brother. He
broke his leg and died
and you want to know
where that bike is?
He didn't die
from the leg injury.
That bike was, like, 3 grand.
I want to know where it is.
What, you want Beth to have it?
Fuck Beth.
Beth is the girlfriend.
Oh, I see.
We worked 9/11. And
not a scratch on us.
Petey's job is to ride a bike.
And he gets killed.
Seriously, you don't
know where the bike is?
Jackie.
Chocolate milk.
Dr. Cooper.
Coop.
Call me Coop.
Dr. Cooper.
Nurse Jackie.
So, what's up?
What can I do for you?
What you can do for me is this.
You can stay the
fuck out of my way,
that's what you can do for me.
You need to use the sink?
No.
What I need is for you
to know that I know you.
I have seen hundreds
of you jerkoffs
blow through these doors.
You graduated what, the top 10,
top 5 percent of
your class, right?
Test scores through the roof
but a total fucking retard
when it comes
to actual patients.
I know you.
I had to look that
kid's mother in the eye
and tell her we did everything
we could, you dumb shit.
That was my patient.
I told you he was
slipping, and he was.
If I tell you to order a
scan, you order a scan.
If you don't do it, I'll
go to the next doctor.
And the next doctor after that.
In the meantime, that kid died.
And it is all on you.
Wha...?
Is... Is this happening,
not happening?
I-I can't even tell.
Oh, shit. Oh, crap,
I... I... I'm so sorry.
Oh, God, I... No.
When I get nervous,
I act out with inappropriate
sexual touches.
It's like, uh... It's
like Tourette's. It's...
It's over, okay? It happened,
it's over, so there's that.
Yeah. No. I... I'm
practically uninsurable.
Seriously, Jackie.
It's completely involuntary.
I am not attracted
to you at all.
Wow, Coop. Charming as ever.
Jacks, Wicked Witch
is looking for you.
Apparently, you dropped
a house on her sister.
Don't be mad, lady.
Hi. Zoey.
First year nursing,
Queens Community.
Hi again.
Fresh meat.
I took the last three.
This one's yours.
Fuck off, Mohammed. No offense.
These hours, Jackie.
All Saints Hospital and
its myriad subsidiaries do,
in no way endorse 80-hour
weeks from its nursing staff.
Please, Mrs. Akalitis,
please. I am with a student.
Let's go, whatever your name is.
After 12.5 hours nurses
are three times more
likely to make mistakes.
Lies, Mrs. Akalitis, lies.
Two things.
Did you take Dr. Ekebwe's pen?
And can you do a
double on Monday?
Yes and yes.
Good, you're quiet.
I like them quiet.
Which I think is funny,
but I just want you to know,
I think it's super great
I'll be with you all day.
I can tell you're somebody
who lives the job.
And that's totally me, totally.
Okay, a quick question. Sure.
Shut up.
Is that a question? I
don't like chatty, okay?
I don't do chatty. I like quiet.
Quiet and mean.
Those are my people.
How's your friend here feel
about wheeling a cart of chemo
meds up to the Chemo Ward?
I don't know. Why
don't you ask her?
Oh, my God, I'd love to.
Hi.
Ow! Ow.
Stop. Eddie, my back,
my back, my back.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay, babe, okay. Yeah.
Okay. Ow.
Let's, uh... Let's, uh...
Let's get you up onto
the cot. Wait, wait.
You all right?
All right. All right, all right.
Oh, shit.
All right? Yep. Yeah.
Sorry. Oops.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Oh, shit.
What do you say we just...
Just lay here for a minute?
All right.
I got six minutes. Five minutes.
I'm going to set my watch.
You better?
Yeah. Yeah, it is better.
Do you want a little
something for your back?
No, I'm all right.
That's sweet. I'm okay.
You know what? Maybe...
Uh, maybe a little Oxy.
Mm.
Blue team, trauma room.
Two minutes.
Nineteen-year-old female.
Multiple stab wounds,
arms, head and chest.
Eighty over 45, O2 sat 83.
His suit, it looked so nice.
We got you
inside, it's all right.
Caught some john cutting
up hookers in a limo.
Dumped her in the Alphabets.
Why did he have
to cut me so bad?
They get him? No.
Lookout for Vincent van
Gogh in a Zegna fucking suit.
She got the blade away
from him. Cut his whole ear off.
Oh, good girl.
Put it on ice.
Nice.
Puke away from the ear, Zoey.
This way. Follow me.
Fucking Manolo Blahnik.
Hurt like hell,
but they make my
legs look so good.
Can I see that?
What size do you wear?
Eight.
I thought I did too.
I need to eat something.
Me too.
Dr. Cooper grabbed my tit today.
Did your tit make
the first move?
He says it was a Tourette's
response to stress.
Jesus. You're kidding.
No, I'm not.
That man is incompetent
and dangerous.
He killed a bike
messenger today.
Jesus, Jackie, you're
such a tattletale.
More bread.
What do you doctors have
against healing people,
for chrissake?
Oh, yeah, you see
that lot right there?
Healing, helping, fixing.
Fantastic.
That's why you're a nurse.
When I was a little
girl, I took a butter knife
and opened up a dead
bunny to see how it worked.
That's why I'm a doctor.
You care as much as
I do and you know it.
Yeah. No.
No, I don't.
Do you realize you're
the only sane one there?
It's a fucking asylum.
I'm telling you, Jack,
if I didn't have this,
and of course, you,
I don't think I could
handle it there.
I really don't.
You're so...
dedicated.
I am off the clock.
So am I.
Four minutes till brain damage.
Two till she passes out.
Excuse me.
We need some help here.
I got it. You're buying lunch.
Yes, ma'am.
Are you all right?
I think it's marvelous the
hotel has a nurse on duty.
I'm sorry I puked.
It won't happen again.
Yes, it will.
Sixteen-year-old male.
Shot a Roman
candle out of his ass.
Third-degree burns on his
scrotum and perirectal area.
Find an open GYN. Let's
get him in the stirrups.
Where's Jackie?
Someone get Jackie for me.
I'm right here.
It's okay. You can laugh.
No one's laughing, honey.
First objective is to
get you out of pain.
No, no, no. He's totally loaded.
He is not in any pain.
We don't want to make you
sick. Want to tell us what you took?
Uh... I... I can't remember.
Hennessy and Hpnotiq?
Been smoking a little cush?
Smoking...
Yeah, how did...?
How did she know?
She's seen a
hundred of you jerkoffs
blow through these doors.
I have been exactly
that drunk myself.
Because I used to drink a lot.
So, what, you don't
drink anymore?
No.
Ever? No, never.
I like to have a clear head.
Can we close the door?
Listen.
Would it be okay if I took
a picture of your injuries?
My stupid little brother's,
like, a bong hit away
from launching fireworks
from his ass cheeks.
He might think twice.
Cautionary tale.
Enjoy.
Holler!
It's starting to hurt.
I know, honey. I know.
Ai-yai-yai.
When you have a minute.
Her name is Beth.
Girlfriend of the
bike-messenger kid.
She wants to talk to you.
Why me? Where's
the social worker?
She's still mad at us
for the Christmas party.
Us? You tongued her husband
after Yuletide karaoke, not me.
You dared me.
Oh, man, you owe me.
I owe everybody.
I'm so confused.
He never said anything
about being an organ donor.
I don't want you to just cut
him up like that, you know?
Well, I'm afraid that train
has already left the station.
Don't listen to me, honey. I...
I cannot even begin to
imagine what it must feel like
to be you right now.
And I'm not going to cushion it
and tell you I'm so
sorry for your loss.
I know it is much
bigger than that.
But I am deeply, deeply sorry.
But if it's any comfort,
he's going to be a hero now.
His body is going to save lives.
Okay.
Fine.
Can I have his heart?
I'm sorry?
Oh, how about a kidney?
I know there's this organ
market where rich people buy...
Pay a lot of money
for body parts.
I know, it doesn't
work that way.
Twenty thousand
bucks for a kidney.
Don't you think he owes me that?
For getting himself killed
on that goddamn bike?
What the fuck am
I supposed to do?
I can't even pay for a cab home.
Fucking Peter.
He made me
pancakes this morning.
Kalil.
K-A-L-I-L?
Could I ask you something?
Yeah.
Who is that guy?
Shitbird sliced up a
prostitute in a limo.
Why isn't he cuffed?
Executive secretary
to the fucking
Libyan ambassador.
Can't detain him.
Diplomatic immunity.
Brought him in to
get his ear back.
Are you kidding me? That's it.
Nothing going to happen to him.
Not without his
embassy's consent.
How long is this going to take?
That woman you
cut took 287 stitches
and 10 pints of blood.
She liked to cut herself.
Oh, it was her idea?
Yes.
American women
are very adventurous.
She probably
did it for attention.
What do you do for attention?
I'll be right back.
Fuck you.
What does one
offer as a side dish
when serving John
the Baptist's head
on a silver platter?
Um, coleslaw.
No, mac and cheese.
No, potato salad.
Mm.
And rum and Cokes.
You like rum and
Cokes with anything.
Mm. That's right.
I could have saved that boy,
that messenger kid.
I knew there was
a bleed. I felt it.
This is where you
jump in, you tell me:
"You did everything you
could. It wasn't your fault."
Do you want me to say that?
Do you believe it?
Do you?
You know,
there would be some
definite advantages
to dating a man without a torso.
You could carry
him in your purse.
He could never leave.
You could put him in the
oven when he talks back.
Throw his stupid head overboard
when you catch him
fucking a pool boy
on a cruise to celebrate
your six-month anniversary
that you had to
pay for because he
is a narcissistic
fucking asshole.
How is Randy?
Oh, he's good.
Do you think there's
a finite amount
of pain in the world?
Like, if I take a thorn
out of someone's hand
does that pain have
to go somewhere else?
Yes. That's why there's drugs.
Like maybe God said:
"Here, I want this
much suffering
"to exist in the world.
"You people can split
it up any way you want
but I want exactly
this much suffering."
That would make him
kind of a prick, wouldn't it?
I have a tendency to
over think sometimes.
Go home.
Turn your brain off.
I'll see you tomorrow.
I think you're a saint.
Just so you know.
Goddamn it.
I almost killed you.
I almost killed you.
♪ Got to get off ♪
♪ Going to get ♪
♪ Have to get off Of this ride ♪
♪ Got to get hold ♪
♪ Going to get ♪
♪ Need to get Hold of my pride ♪
♪ When did I... ♪
Good night. Night.
♪ Where did I ♪
♪ How was I caught in ♪
♪ This game ♪
♪ When will I know ♪
♪ Where will I ♪
♪ How will I think of my name ♪
♪ When did I
start Feeling sure ♪
♪ Feeling safe ♪
You want to come over tonight?
Not tonight, okay?
Brought you
something for your back.
Dr. Pepper.
And:
A MoonPie.
I was thinking more
along the lines of Vicodin.
I'm not an idiot.
I love you.
I love you too.
♪ Out of this merry-go-round ♪
♪ Got to get on ♪
♪ Going to get ♪
♪ Need to get on
Where I'm bound ♪
Be careful.
Fuck you.
If I were a saint...
Which maybe I want
to be, maybe I don't.
I would be like Augustine.
He knew there was good in him
and he knew there
was some not so good,
and he wasn't going to
give up his earthly pleasures
before he was good and ready.
Make me good, God, but not yet.
Right?
Hello, my loves. Hey, Mom.
Hi, sweetheart. Mom.
Come here, baby.
A MoonPie. Mm-hm.
For me? Mm-hm.
Split it with your sister.
♪ How will I know? ♪
♪ When will I know ♪
♪ Why? ♪
Hey, babe.
I made pancakes for
dinner. How great is that?
It bears repeating.
Make me good, God,
but not yet.