No Activity (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - The Metric System - full transcript

When I go through that door,

I need to know you're
right be-fucking-hind me!

- You went against protocol!
- Protocol?

It's not the way we play things.
You know that!

When did you become
such a pussy, huh? Huh?

- Goddamn you.
- You remember back in the day, huh?

- When we were wild and on fire?
- Yeah.

We were kicking in
doors and taking names.

Now when I look at you, honestly,

I feel like I'm looking at a ghost.

You're dead already.



Car 72, please report.

Uh, Car 72. No activity.

Just ask them if we can get...

Actually, don't worry about it.
It's fine.

- That was good.
- That was a good one.

Was kinda gritty. Had an edge to it.

Yeah. That's the kinda stuff, you know?

That's the kind of really
realistic American cop show

like 'The Wire'.

- Yes. I love that show.
- You've seen it?

I can't understand a word they say,
but I like the pictures.

You know, a real cop
and a real journalist wrote that.

- Fair dinkum!
- Yeah, they wrote it.

But they got actors to do it, see?



We could write that stuff,
'cause we've seen it.

- We know the stuff.
- We live it.

But we should act in it.

We can't act.

Yes, we can.

You know, acting's just being, really.

And we're doing that
right now, aren't we?

- I think there's more to it than that.
- No, there's not.

They make you think there is,
but there's actually not.

- You know what the acting test is?
- What?

Just saying to someone,

looking in their eye,
saying, "I love you."

And meaning it and being believed.

- If you can do that, you're an actor.
- I love you.

- No, I didn't mean "Let's do it."
- I love you.

- I love you.
- No.

I love you.

- What is that?
- That's just a sensual version.

It felt angry.

- I love you!
- What are you doing?

- I was broken.
- No, just say it.

- Just say it simply.
- I love you.

- No, no. Just release your belly.
- Don't touch me there.

- Huh-huh-huh. Contact your...
- I love you.

- Nuh.
- I love you.

No. I'll show you.

You're just blocking me all the time!

No, I'll show you.

You gotta be...

You gotta relax your instrument.

- Action!
- No, no, no. Don't say 'Action'.

You look like you're wanking.

I'm relaxing my jaw muscles.

- The moment's gone.
- No, it's still coming.

- The moment's here.
- All right. And go.

I'm not saying anything.

Still rolling.

I love you.

You look like a trout.

See? We can't act.

- Stokes.
- Mmm?

I love you.

I love you.

- Wow. That was powerful.
- Mmm.

- You got me right in here.
- Yeah, I felt it.

- You felt it?
- I could feel you feeling it.

It was something quite...
It came from somewhere.

Yeah, yeah. I was acting. It's acting.

Sorry, do I actually need
to be here for all this?

- I couldn't...
- Yes, you do.

This is an ongoing large-scale
police investigation.

You're a witness.

You're here to identify

any potential suspects we may observe.

That's the job, lady.

So don't get above yourself, lady.

You know if you hold
a frog's mouth open long enough

it'll suffocate?

- Really?
- Mmm.

I can see that.

Operation Big Red still under way.

Shipment of methamphetamines
tracked in a city warehouse

guarded by a small fish.

Let's sit on it, see if some
big fish stick their head out.

Watch out. That's really hot.

Watch out. Have a little sip,
but watch out, it's really hot.

Hey, hey, not too much. It's very hot.

I don't want you to burn yourself.

- Yeah, I'm fine, mate. I'm fine.
- Are you sure? You're all right?

Yeah, course I'm all right.
What are you talking about?

I mean... are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine, mate. Look at me.

I mean, how are the injuries?

I mean, how's the...

Nah, I'm good, mate. I'm good.

Got lucky, mate. Got lucky.

Yeah, I heard it went straight through.

It did.

Straight through the shoulder.

I heard it went straight
through your brain.

Through me brain?

I heard it went straight through,

in one side, out the other, and
you were a complete vegetable.

- Really?
- Yeah.

And you were on life support,
completely brain dead.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Who told you that?

Glen.

- Glen told you that?
- Yeah.

How'd you go with Glen?

Yeah, he's a good bloke. Funny.

- Full of stories.
- Yeah.

- Really like him.
- I think he's a pain in the arse.

Anyway. Anyway, someone said to me
the other day

they're looking for him.

I had a dream last night.

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

- Did you record it?
- Yeah.

Thought so.

- You wanna hear it?
- Nuh.

- You're in it.
- Am I?

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.

You'll like this.

He's naked from the waist up.

He's kinda normal except that

he's got this incredible set of breasts.

Not like teats or udders,
but human breasts.

Like, beautiful, pert yet
pendulous 17-year-old boobs.

And he's looking very
piercingly into my eyes.

And he's dancing,
he's kinda swaying back and forth.

Not sexually, more sensually.

And he's looking at me with his eyes.

And he just reaches out
with all of his fingers

and says, "Come!"

"Come!"

How good's that?

It's interesting, huh?

Mmm.

I think, uh, it might be best

if you leave your dreams at home, mate.

Would be my advice.

Why?

It was just... just a dream.

It's just kind of a dream logic.

You know, this is just about you...

you returning, coming home.

- Yep. Yep.
- You kinda making a full recovery.

You coming back, just coming
back to entertain me, you know?

What about the tits?

Car 72, please report.

Car 72, please report.

Car 72, no activity.

Thank you.

Are you taking photos, Lachlan?

I'd appreciate it
if you wouldn't, Lach...

How's school going? Is it good?

Okay.

Mate, get out of my seat. Sorry.

No worries. It's fine.

Didn't think he'd be here so...

Been here a while, haven't you, mate?

Tony was supposed to come and pick...

Your dad's gonna come and
pick you up, isn't he, mate?

Probably about another
half an hour, I reckon.

That'll be fun.

Mmm. Okay.

Yeah. Just I can't leave him
at home at the moment by himself.

Not after what happened last night.

It's all right, mate.
Not gonna embarrass you.

Not gonna go into the details.

Let's put it this way, we won't
be getting another fish tank.

- Wow. Okay.
- Not one like that, anyway.

I won't be paying for it.

Maybe your dad will take you
down to Feathers and Fins,

but it won't be coming
out of my pay packet.

Mmm.

What are you taking photos of April for?

- Give us the phone.
- No.

Give me the phone.

Lachy, give me the...

Give us the...

- You posing for him?
- Carol, I really wasn't.

You don't know what he
does with these photos.

- No. Okay.
- He'll cut out the face.

He'll put that... Oh, you just...

I was gone for two minutes, you know?

I expect you to be the
adult in the situation.

- I really wasn't...
- Enough.

Okay. Okay.

The warehouse
shipment has been confirmed.

It's a big one.

We're waiting for the
bosses to make contact

before we make our move.

So, um, what's after
this for you, 'Tania'?

Are you gonna turn your life around,

maybe get off the streets?

You think I'm, like, a prostitute?

Oh, sorry, no. Nobody's a
prostitute anymore, are they?

- No, they don't call them that.
- Stripper.

- Escort.
- Exotic dancer.

- Courtesan.
- That's nice.

No, I'm... I'm an accountant, actually.

Never heard 'em called that!

No, I really am an accountant,
I thought I was doing the books

for a coffee importation company.

Turned out to be a front for
an international drug syndicate.

What do you think of this, by the way?

- Yeah, it's nice. Silk?
- I'm glad you asked, though...

It's all silk.

About my new start,

'cause I actually do
view it as an opportunity

to kind of... reset.

So in the medium-to-long term,
probably not the short term,

I wanna become a flight attendant

on Branson's Virgin Galactic
commercial spacecraft.

- That's my plan.
- That's a big dream!

- I know!
- That's impressive.

- Shoot for the stars, girl.
- Yeah, literally!

Yeah, yeah. And I've always loved space.

I've just been fascinated
by that void, you know,

being still and at one with
your thoughts and... you know.

Let me say, before you embark
on what's obviously a big dream,

um, it's pretty stupid and
it's never gonna happen.

Well, I disagree.

So I think it's really
important to dream.

Well within your rights to disagree.

It's important to have a dream,

as long as you don't think

it's actually gonna happen
because this clearly isn't.

- Yes, it will.
- No, it's never gonna happen.

And I'll tell you why.

Firstly, um, it's been happening
'in the next year or so'

for the past decade.

His own mother is on the record
as saying it's not gonna happen.

- She was a flight attendant.
- Well, that's a point.

Have you done any... had any experience?

No, but I always fly Virgin
whenever I get the chance.

Okay, so there's perhaps 20,000 people

who are perhaps better
qualified than yourself

to fly in this mythical
intergalactic flight.

That's the other thing about space.

- Space is boring.
- Space is amazing!

Space is an opportunity
to just be in the moment,

be in the void with your thoughts.

Travelling in
space would be more like

catching a bus from here to Broome

at night with no windows.

There's your space travel.

Well, that's your opinion.

You know, Hendy, give her a break.

I'm trying to give her a break.

Sure, it's an utterly ridiculous dream,
completely unachievable.

By the time she gets there
she'll be an old chook.

But, you know, it's important
to have these things.

Long as she knows
she's probably better off

staying on the streets.

Well, familiar territory.

She's been a hostess of sorts already.

A hostess of the flesh.

And she could move into the house.
The madame of the house.

I am not a prostitute!

All right.

So, yeah,
he's come out of the closet.

- I think it's very, very brave.
- Really?

Yeah, I'm proud of the commitment there.

I mean, you're really
sticking your neck out.

No, he's not! He's a coward, mate.

- Listen, how old is he?
- He's 41.

Yeah, right. No.

What's wrong with that?

I mean, the guy's had
an incredible career.

Not even a real sport for a start.

But if you do that when you're 22,
that takes balls, all right?

If you do that when you're 82,
that takes balls, all right?

What's the difference?

There's a whole legacy behind you, mate.

You've lied to your entire family

and now you've gotta own up to it
before you die.

That's something, you know?

This guy, mate,
he's looking for a book deal.

He's in the decline, mate.
He's finished.

Rugby league, mate, that's a sport.

Imagine coming out
in the preamble to a State of Origin.

- As a footballer?
- As a gay man.

As a gay prop forward.

That'd take some guts.

That would take some guts!

Imagine coming out with your lover
in State of Origin,

one playing for Queensland,
one playing for New South Wales.

Imagine that. How big your
balls would be to do that.

- That's really good, isn't it?
- Wow. Yeah.

- Was that not an established song?
- No, I just made it up.

It's really impressive, isn't it, Tania?

Yeah, yes. I didn't realise
that wasn't a proper song.

- No, come on.
- Do another one.

Yeah, seriously.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- You got a gift.
- Yeah?

- A real gift.
- Beautiful. You should record that.

- Who'd wanna listen to that?
- You should, like, upload it.

Put it online. Yeah,
it'll go viral, that sort of thing.

- No!
- On YouTubes.

- Yeah!
- Justin Bieber started that way.

It was like a YouTube thing
and it just snowballed.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- He's famous.
- Yeah.

And you don't have to rehearse.
Just let it flow through you.

Ready and... action.

Great. That's really good.

Amazing. That's really beautiful.

What are you doing with it?

Just uploading it onto the YouTubes.

What happens next?

It goes big. It's gonna go viral.

- It's quite exciting, really.
- Mmm, it sure is.

If it works, we could do a whole series.

And it's up there now.

Our intelligence is indicating

that one of their own has gone missing.

It's ruffling feathers internally.

So something could come to a
head here. Keep your eyes open.

Yeah,
the night before, as lovers.

Two brave, naked men.

Yeah, no colours. There's
no blue, no maroon.

- Alone.
- Just the colour of skin.

Just love.

Just muscle, brawn, bravery.

Maybe a light snack, a light dinner.

Sure. We've lit the candles.

I mean, those eyes would say it all.

- I love you, mate.
- I love you too.

Doesn't even need to be said.

- Let's not say it.
- Let's just go to bed.

Let us not speak of things football.

Let us just love as one beating heart.

Do you wanna spoon me?

- And then the morning comes.
- They're still in love.

Things are strong. Fresh fruit.

Fresh fruit, some plunger coffee.

Maybe some protein powders,
some amino acids.

A juice.

Maybe they catch a ride
together out to the stadium.

- They drive together. Very simple.
- Of course.

- Just holding hands.
- Yeah, not making a big deal out of it.

Just traveling to the game.

Calm the nerves, calm the nerves.

But barely able to look at each other.

Oh, no, the tension would be palpable.

- Yeah.
- Then they get to the ground.

And they walk through their
separate tunnels onto the field,

there's the roar of the crowd,
and they look at each other.

- And they know.
- Love becomes war.

And then that whistle goes.

Then they're no longer lovers. No way.

State... against state.

Mate against mate.

Gay against gay.

- How good would that be?
- Whoa.

I'm just kind of... Phwoar.

- Just thinking about it.
- Yeah.

Here we go. Comments.

- "This guy sucks balls."
- Oh!

"This guy's head is like something"

"that should be in a dog's bowl."

- Oh, get fucked.
- Ohh...

Don't... Did you push 'like'?
Don't 'like' it.

"Who's the singing faggot?"

I don't condone the language,
but the sentiment's right.

That's it. Turn that... Take it off now!

- Take it off!
- Well, I sort of agree.

Oh, this is bullshit. You two set me up.

Maybe from now on you'll
stop singing in the car.

Because it's fucking
annoying and it sounds stupid

and every single 'scat' you
do sounds exactly the same.

So next time you go to do it,
look that up on YouTube,

'Dickhead Sings in Car',

look at yourself and think,
"No, I won't do that again."

"It's annoying and stupid."

Sorry, but it's true.

You need to come
and pick him up now, please.

It's not fair
on him too, you know?

Is the suspension
gonna affect his grades?

Is he missing out on...

That ship's sailed.

Oh, okay.

Although, when he was in grade 2,

when he was a little bloke,

he was put into the gifted stream.

- Amazing!
- Yeah, massive.

We were thrilled,
we were just rapt, you know?

And then after a while,
he was only there for one term,

it became pretty apparent

that he didn't understand a lot of it.

And... well, we got a phone call.

- Yeah?
- There's another Lachy.

- Yep.
- There'd been a mix-up.

And that other kid Lachy,
like, he is smart.

- He's Asian smart.
- Yeah, right?

He's not Asian, but he's Asian
smart.

- I see what you're saying, yeah.
- Yeah.

So he was just put back
into the normal stream.

But for that time, you know,

it was that sort of...

I don't know, in the moment,

it was sort of like
he could be anything.

You know, the possibilities
were endless.

Yeah.

I think it was a real
turning point for him too,

'cause after that, you know,
to be certified 'not a genius'...

- 'Not a genius'.
- Yeah. Yeah.

He does all right, don't ya, mate?

Hey, that's the next level!

He's good at that.
He's very good at that.

You know what a
fan I am of me music, mate.

He says, "Regrets, I've had a few."

"Regrets, I've had a few."

And I'm going,
"Yeah, I'm in, I'm there."

"I understand that, you know?
We've all had 'em."

"But then again, too few to mention."

Please, dickhead.

You know? It's either
one way or the other.

I killed Glen.

You what?

I killed Glen.

Glen Glen?

Glen.

I killed him.

Sorry, mate.

What'd you kill him for?

He called you a vegetable.

He called me a vegetable?

He said you'd been shot through
the head, you were brain dead,

on life support, never to recover,

a complete mental retard.

And he said your brain was like a...

like a parsnip.

These are to April, right?
Look at that.

That's a lovely comment.
That's a lovely comment.

But look at the emoji you put,
it's got devil's wings.

That's a... That's a cute devil, though.

There's no her in between. It's all you.

- Completely you.
- You're flooding her.

I give her the opportunity to send back.

What, every three seconds?
Look, that one comes in...

That was a bad night, okay?

I mean, I don't know what else to write.

- No, no, no. Don't, don't.
- I know what I'm doing.

I actually know what I'm doing.

There you go.

Oh, great. Well, if it
wasn't over before, it is now.

- That's a big call.
- Thanks.

You will thank me.

Oh, my God.

"No worries, big boy"?

"No worries, big boy"?! "X"!

- How did you do that?!
- Well...

- Oh, no!
- What?

Oh, you're not gonna believe
what I just did.

- What?
- I just texted Hendy by mistake.

- You weren't gonna text him.
- I know I wasn't.

- I meant to send it to someone else.
- What does it say?

"No worries, big boy."

That's not good.

- She knows men.
- And women, it seems.

You probably know both.

Okay. You killed Glen because
he called me a parsnip.

- Yeah.
- You killed him.

Yeah. And he was playing with
a little miniature chopper.

But mostly the vegetables.

I mean, it sounds...
It sounds ridiculous.

Yeah, it is a bit ridiculous, mate.

In context, it was incredibly offensive,
incredibly abusive.

And I just snapped.

Yeah, I'm appreciative
of your care for me.

But we are now in the shit,
do you understand that?

I know.

- Who was it for?
- It was meant for my dad.

"No worries, big boy"? To your dad?

Yeah.

Lachy, where the...

- Where'd he go?
- I didn't see him leave.

Lachy?

Oh, jee... Lachy!

I mean, this is the boss's nephew.

- We are in deep shtuck.
- I know.

Like a vegetable soup,
you know what I'm saying?

Mate, don't mock me.

What'd you do with him?

He's here.

Here? HERE here?

Where here?

He's in those three barrels.

He's in thirds.

Mate, why'd you bring him here for?

I had to bring him somewhere!

Anything happened?

- Nuh.
- Car 72, please report.

Car 72, no activity.

No activity. Copy that.