NewsRadio (1995–1999): Season 1, Episode 7 - Sweeps Week - full transcript
When Dave notices that Lisa is still in contact with her ex, he's not happy about it. She tells him that it's nice to remain amicable with the ones you were involved with. So Dave calls his ex in Wisconsin. He then tells Lisa that she under the impression that she and Dave are still together so she goes to New York and gave can't find the nerve to tell her that they are no longer together and that he has moved on. And she goes around the station telling every woman to stay away from her man.
Dave, we need to
discuss the promos.
Oh, the promos. Oh, right.
You know, we actually really
do need to discuss the promos.
Oh. Oh, okay.
You know, we really
need to come up with
a less confusing code word.
Yes.
I hate to interrupt
your little mid-morning
make-out session, but...
We weren't making out, Beth.
What were you guys doing,
discussing the promos?
Yes, as a matter
of fact, we were.
Well, okay, next time you guys
decide to discuss the promos,
why don't you decide
to shut the blinds
so you don't get busted?
Uh, did anybody see?
Only me,
and I didn't really see.
I was only guessing.
Anyway, Stewart on line five.
I'll take it at my desk.
Oh, okay. Say hi
to Stewart for me.
Dave, are you threatened
by how often she talks
to her ex-boyfriend?
No, no, no of course not.
I mean, after all, they
were together for four years.
Five.
Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right.
It's five and a half, actually.
Yeah, five and a half.
It's actually only five,
boss, but nice bluff.
Dave. Hmm?
Dave. Come on.
Oh. Who is it?
It's Lisa and Stewart.
I thought you might
want to listen in.
Hang that up.
Look, Lisa told me
all about Stewart.
Look, they're just trying
to resolve something
to do with the security deposit
on the apartment
they used to share...
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Ha, ha, ha!
Whoa, that would drive me crazy.
You want me to listen
in, give you a full report?
No, of course not. No.
Ha, ha, ha!
Oh, you know,
I really do need to discuss
this with Lisa, though.
Of course you do. Go
on, now. Good luck.
Ten-four.
Hey.
Hold on. Yeah?
I just wanted to discuss
something with you.
Okay, in a second.
Oh, okay.
Um... Here. I'll just...
Dave, I'm on the phone.
No. Yeah. Oh, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry. I'll, uh...
Morning, chief.
Morning, Bill.
What's troubling you?
Nothing's troubling
me. I just, you know...
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Is that Stewart? Yes.
Let me say hi to him.
Stew, Bill! How
the hell are you?
Long time no see.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
You should come and
see your lady more often.
Bill.
You don't want
her to get restless.
Bill, we're not seeing
each other anymore.
You did? I'm sorry to hear that.
I was sure you two
were going to tie the knot.
Bill...
Okay, here she is.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
You got that right, Stewey.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
How's the coffee
this morning, Bill?
They'll get back together.
I don't know.
I mean, they've been split up
for over a year now, you know.
Just a bump in the road.
They were made for each other.
Morning, Dave. Hey, Bill.
Morning, Mr. James.
Lisa, I want to
ask you something.
Okay, I've got to go.
Can I get you a
cup of coffee, sir?
No. Lisa, come on.
Let's get a move on, huh?
Sorry, I really have to go.
Lisa, I own the telephone.
Hang it up. Let's go. Sorry.
Lisa, for God's sake,
would you get off the phone?
Wait a minute,
wait. Is that Stewey?
Stewart!
Yeah, it's Jimmy.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Hey, Beth. Morning, Dave, Lisa.
Morning, Mr. James.
What did you kids
do this weekend?
Oh, well... Well...
Me, I went to a
business symposium
called "the future is now."
Cost me five bills.
Guess what I learned.
That the future really is now?
You got it.
The whole day would
have been a total waste
except for this fellow
sitting next to me,
an absolute... I kid
you not... Total visionary
in the field of business
and technology.
Brilliant, brilliant guy
by the name of... Tom.
You met a visionary named Tom?
Yeah, Tom P. Baxter.
Here's what I want to do.
I want to do an on-air
interview with him.
Here's his number.
You ever had your
mind blown, Dave?
No.
Well, get ready. Here comes Tom.
Hey, Bill, you're
going to be doing
a live interview tomorrow.
With whom?
A business visionary.
And what's his vision?
Uh, not sure.
What's his name?
Tom.
Tom the Visionary, huh?
A friend of Jimmy's?
Uh, yes.
I thought so.
Why don't you have
Catherine handle this one?
Well, because I've
asked you to do it, Bill.
Stewart on line two.
Take a message, please.
Tell him I'll call him back.
Lisa, you must
miss him terribly.
Well, no, actually...
Ha, ha, ha!
Oh, Stewart.
How about you, Dave?
Do you have a
special lady in your life?
No, no.
I'm sorry. That was
presumptuous of me.
Do you have a special person?
Look, Bill, I had a
girlfriend in Wisconsin,
but it sort of ended
when I moved here.
Okay... All right?
Okay, take it
easy. I believe you.
Dave...
What do you mean
it "sort of" ended?
Come on. I told you about Nancy.
Well, did you tell
me everything,
or did you "sort of"
tell me everything?
Well, I mean,
what is there to tell?
I mean, we went
out for three years,
and then it ended.
Well, it ended? Who ended it?
You ended it,
what's-her-name ended it?
Well, let me put it this way.
At least I don't call her
every other day on the phone.
Does it bother you
that I talk to Stewart?
No, no.
It doesn't bother me.
It's just that I've seen
tobacco company lawsuits
settled more quickly
than this interminable
security deposit dispute.
You know, Dave,
just because you end a
relationship with somebody
doesn't mean you just
cut them out of your life.
Oh, really? Isn't that
actually the definition
of ending a relationship?
Doesn't bother me when
you talk to what's-her-name.
Nancy. Nancy.
And that's because I don't.
I haven't spoken with
Nancy since I left Wisconsin.
Well, that's just unhealthy.
You should give
her a call sometime.
Oh, should I?
Well, maybe I will.
Please do. Well,
perhaps I will do that.
Please do. All right.
Whatever.
Stewart on line two. Thank you.
Beth, would you hold
all my calls for a while?
I'm going to be on the
phone for a little while,
getting healthy.
Beth, I had something
that I wanted to ask you
and I can't
remember what it was.
What was it, what
was it, what was it?
Is it, "Is Dave still on
the phone with Nancy?"
No, of course not. But is he?
Oops. Sorry. I picked
up the wrong line. Bye.
It sounds like
they're wrapping it up.
Thank you.
Now, you don't do that when
I'm on the phone, do you?
Oh, no, no.
Hey, Dave.
H-hi.
What's new?
Huh?
I think what Lisa's
trying to say is
stop screwing around
and tell her what you
and Nancy talked about.
Right, Lisa?
So you were talking
to what's-her-name?
Nancy. Yes.
Nancy, yes. That's good.
Oh, good.
How is she?
She's well. She's well.
Um... Apparently,
she's coming for a visit.
Oh. That's healthy.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
That's good. Good, good.
When?
Apparently...
tomorrow.
Uh-huh.
Is that still good and healthy?
Uh-huh, yeah.
Yes. Now, you
invited her to come?
I don't exactly know
how that happened.
I think she invited
herself, actually.
And, um...
Where's she going to be staying?
Apparently...
With me.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Is that Stewart?
No, no. I was just
eavesdropping.
It's going to be great.
Bill McNeal here.
If you've tuned in
for WNYX's regularly
scheduled Wall Street Report,
we have a special treat for you,
because today we have
an exclusive interview
with business
visionary Tom P. Baxter.
Hello.
So, Tom, what trends do you see
shaping the business
world of tomorrow?
Well, Bill.
Let me preface that
by saying I've dabbled
in any number of
investments myself,
stocks, bonds, what have you,
but I've yet to find the one
that's the surefire moneymaker.
In fact, I took
quite a bath in silver
a few years ago.
How did that happen?
Well, it would seem to me...
I'll tell you how it happened.
It's the oldest
story in the world.
I bought high and sold
low. Bad idea, right?
Not really, Bill...
You don't need to rub it
in. I learned my lesson.
What the hell is he doing?
The only way to stop
him when he gets like this
is to put on the emergency
broadcast signal.
No. I've used that
three times this month.
I'll just have to bring Tom
P. Baxter back tomorrow.
David.
Nancy, hi.
I smell a photo opportunity.
Cheese. Cheese.
Lisa, get in there. Oh, no.
I want a picture. Come on.
Hi, I'm Nancy.
Yes, you are.
Cheese. Cheese.
Hi, Dave.
I missed you last night.
Oh yeah? Yeah.
I tried to call you
a couple times,
but I got your machine.
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.
That's, uh... I still
haven't told Nancy
about you and I, so I... Uh-huh.
Why not?
Well, it's just she's so sweet,
and this is really
going to hurt her.
Why would this hurt her?
Well, um...
Well, because
Nancy, apparently...
Doesn't think we split up.
Exactly how did
that happen, Dave?
Well, uh, apparently,
when I left Wisconsin,
I wasn't clear enough with her.
Mm-hmm? Yeah.
And exactly how
unclear were you?
Well, apparently...
Dave, you say
"apparently" one more time,
I'm going to strangle you.
Well, my exact
words to her were,
"We'll see what happens."
Nice job, Dave.
Oh, come on.
Look, you know I'm no
good at confrontation.
You know, but... You know,
last night we talked it all out,
and I told her.
You told her that it was
over, completely over
and that you were
seeing someone new?
Well, not exactly. Apparently...
I'm sorry.
I told her
that we had a lot of things
we really needed to talk about.
Hey, you...
Brr.
I hate to interrupt this
incredibly heavy vibe,
but the business
visionary dude is back.
Bill, where's Mr. Baxter?
Tom P. Baxter, the visionary?
Yes.
He's gone.
Why?
I told him to take a hike.
Again, Bill? Why?
Well, I don't know if you
were listening yesterday, Dave,
but that man has absolutely
nothing new to say.
Bill, you never gave
him a chance to speak.
Dave, I have 22
years of experience
in the art of interviewing.
You never gave him
a chance to speak.
The man's a total fraud.
I have a way of
sniffing these things out.
David.
Oh, Nancy. Hi.
I'm surprising you.
So you are.
Hey, everybody, look who's back.
Nancy, welcome back.
Oh, good. I don't have a
picture of the three of us.
Cheese. Cheese.
Oh, she's a keeper, David.
That means keep her.
Nancy, I've kind of got
my hands full right now.
Would you mind
waiting in the office?
Sure, but can I give
everyone their presents first?
Dave, let her give
us our presents first.
Sure, sure.
Well, I know how you news
people are always munching,
so I got everybody pastries.
I love pastries.
David... Pastries.
Who's lucky?
Who's jealous?
I tried to get everyone pastries
that matched their personality.
I know it sounds silly,
but I thought
it might be kind of fun.
First, for Beth,
I got ladyfingers
because she's so petite.
Thank you.
I got Catherine a honey roll
because you're so sweet.
Smart girl, Dave.
And for Joe and Matthew,
I got bear claws
because you're so rugged.
Oh, you flatterer.
Grr.
And for Lisa, a plain doughnut.
Nancy...
What do you say, I'm just
going to go grab my coat,
and then we'll
go for lunch, huh?
Sure. All right.
Thank you for this.
No problem.
You seem like one of
the nicer people here.
Oh, no, I'm really not.
Yes, you are.
That's why I wanted to
tell you not to even think
about moving in on my
boyfriend, or I'll kill you.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
What?
Oh. For a second, I
thought you were serious.
I am, completely.
Oh, no. You're joking, right?
Try me.
Hey.
You two getting acquainted?
Uh-huh. We sure are.
Great. So why don't
we head out for lunch?
Okay.
Oh, Nancy, I forgot one thing.
I'll be right with you, okay?
Okay. All right.
Uh, Lisa? She's leaving
tonight. I'll tell her after work.
I promise.
She doesn't know
where I live, does she?
What?
Nothing, nothing. Have
a nice lunch. I'm sorry.
Okay. Bye.
Bye, Lisa. Bye, Nancy.
Beth, you are not
going to believe this.
Nancy just told me that if I
put my hands on Dave, she...
I know, I know.
Were you eavesdropping again?
No. She just did the
same thing to me.
You didn't eat your
pastry yet, did you?
Uh-uh.
How'd it go last night?
Oh, hi.
Yeah. How'd it go last night?
Bad scene at the airport?
Uh, no, not really.
No. She's still here, isn't she?
Yes, but she's leaving this
afternoon. I swear to God.
Look, last night
was really rough.
I mean, we were up
till 4:00 in the morning,
you know, just talking
this whole thing out.
Mm-hmm. She was upset about us?
No, no. I didn't
tell her about us.
Oh, oh, well, no,
but you did tell her
that you were
seeing someone else
and it was over?
Well, apparently...
That's what I thought.
Did you tell him?
Tell him what?
Did you tell him
that his girlfriend is a
borderline psychotic?
Well, actually, I think that
they're about to break up.
No. Those two were
made for each other.
She's nuts.
Oh, come on, you guys.
She was just joking
with you, okay?
Yeah, how could
a girl that sweet
be capable of
cold-blooded murder?
Matthew, that is not
what we're saying.
We're just saying
that she is not the person
Dave thinks she is, that's all.
Mm-hmm. Look,
everybody's thinking it.
So I'm going to go
ahead and say it.
You two are just jealous.
Hey, I was thinking that.
I'll have you two know
Nancy brought me
an exquisite kiwi tart
yesterday.
Oh, neat. What did it say
about your personality?
I didn't discuss anything
with the pastry, Matthew.
I just ate it!
Our guest, Tom P. Baxter.
Thank you for joining us, Tom.
It's my pleasure, Catherine.
Now, I realize nobody can
actually predict the future,
but I understand you
have a unique insight
into where we might be headed
as we approach the
turn of the century.
Yeah, I do. As I
see it, Catherine,
the future of business...
Well, the future of
this country, in fact,
is... Computers.
Computers.
Okay, would you care
to elaborate on that?
Oh, you bet. I think
computers are great.
You can keep records
on them, play games.
They're... Well,
they're like magic.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. I mean, I
don't have one yet.
But I'm going to get one.
You'd better believe that.
What exactly do you
do for a living, Tom?
Well, I'm between
things right now,
but all that's going to change
just as soon as
I get a computer.
Well, now, this guy's
a complete fraud.
You think?
Yeah.
You know, I'm surprised
Bill didn't sniff this one out.
He usually has great instincts
about who's on the up-and-up.
Uh-huh.
You know, Bill has
22 years of experience
in the art of in interviewing.
He didn't say
anything about this?
Nothing that I recall
specifically, no.
Well, live and learn and
all that good crap, Dave.
Amen to that, sir.
Yeah, and if Tom
ever shows up again...
I'll call security.
That's my boy.
Okay, Bill,
you were right.
Shh, Dave, I'm listening.
I want to hear more
about these fascinating
com... pooters
of which he speaks.
Hi.
Hi. Nancy.
How are you? Is Dave around?
Uh-huh. He's in his office.
Oh, yeah. She's a real looney.
Look, all I'm saying is
she's not as sweet as she seems.
No, no, no, she isn't.
She's even sweeter.
So double-shame on both of you.
Triple-shame.
Nancy, wh...
Okay, I don't know
what David said to her,
but I'm going to have to call
a quadruple-shame on him.
How'd it go?
It could have gone better.
But you did tell
her it was over?
Yes.
Completely over?
Yes.
Not that I don't
trust you, Dave,
but would you mind
repeating the exact words
that you said to her?
All right, Lisa.
I told her it was
over, all right,
and I told her that I
had a new girlfriend
who I've been seeing
for two months...
And I told her that
girlfriend was you.
What did you do that for?
Huh?
Well, what if she tells
somebody in the office about us?
Nancy wouldn't do that.
Can you walk me to
the elevator, please?
Listen, I'm really very
sorry about all of this.
No. I didn't mean to
make things harder for you.
If I knew about any of this,
I wouldn't have come here.
Yeah, well, that probably
would have made things
a lot easier for all of us.
Dave, I hope we
can still be friends
at least.
Sure, sure.
Bye, everyone.
Oh, wait a minute.
You're leaving already?
I want to get a picture
with everybody. Everybody!
Picture.
Lisa, please.
David, smile.
You're with your girl here.
And say cheese.
Cheese.
I just wanted to thank everybody
for being so nice to me.
Well, you're welcome.
I don't know if you know
this, but Dave and I broke up.
No!
It's okay. These things happen.
I look forward to
being friends with Dave
and... Being friends
with his new girlfriend,
Lisa...
Who he's been having
a secret affair with
for the last two months.
Mm. Bye.
Well, I don't know
exactly what to say...
Lisa?
Beth?
I owe you guys an apology.
That girl is insane.
Sorry, David.
Imagine the
magnificent Bickersons
having an affair.
Wow.
Okay, that was a little close.
You know, just keep smiling
in case anyone has
any lingering doubts.
Now, Dave, I know
that that probably was
a little bit difficult for you,
but don't you feel better
now that you've closed
that chapter in your life?
Yes, I do.
It's all about closure,
Dave, because...
Lisa, Stewart on line two.
I'll take it at my desk.
Tom.
Yes?
Get out.
discuss the promos.
Oh, the promos. Oh, right.
You know, we actually really
do need to discuss the promos.
Oh. Oh, okay.
You know, we really
need to come up with
a less confusing code word.
Yes.
I hate to interrupt
your little mid-morning
make-out session, but...
We weren't making out, Beth.
What were you guys doing,
discussing the promos?
Yes, as a matter
of fact, we were.
Well, okay, next time you guys
decide to discuss the promos,
why don't you decide
to shut the blinds
so you don't get busted?
Uh, did anybody see?
Only me,
and I didn't really see.
I was only guessing.
Anyway, Stewart on line five.
I'll take it at my desk.
Oh, okay. Say hi
to Stewart for me.
Dave, are you threatened
by how often she talks
to her ex-boyfriend?
No, no, no of course not.
I mean, after all, they
were together for four years.
Five.
Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right.
It's five and a half, actually.
Yeah, five and a half.
It's actually only five,
boss, but nice bluff.
Dave. Hmm?
Dave. Come on.
Oh. Who is it?
It's Lisa and Stewart.
I thought you might
want to listen in.
Hang that up.
Look, Lisa told me
all about Stewart.
Look, they're just trying
to resolve something
to do with the security deposit
on the apartment
they used to share...
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Ha, ha, ha!
Whoa, that would drive me crazy.
You want me to listen
in, give you a full report?
No, of course not. No.
Ha, ha, ha!
Oh, you know,
I really do need to discuss
this with Lisa, though.
Of course you do. Go
on, now. Good luck.
Ten-four.
Hey.
Hold on. Yeah?
I just wanted to discuss
something with you.
Okay, in a second.
Oh, okay.
Um... Here. I'll just...
Dave, I'm on the phone.
No. Yeah. Oh, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry. I'll, uh...
Morning, chief.
Morning, Bill.
What's troubling you?
Nothing's troubling
me. I just, you know...
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Is that Stewart? Yes.
Let me say hi to him.
Stew, Bill! How
the hell are you?
Long time no see.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
You should come and
see your lady more often.
Bill.
You don't want
her to get restless.
Bill, we're not seeing
each other anymore.
You did? I'm sorry to hear that.
I was sure you two
were going to tie the knot.
Bill...
Okay, here she is.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
You got that right, Stewey.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
How's the coffee
this morning, Bill?
They'll get back together.
I don't know.
I mean, they've been split up
for over a year now, you know.
Just a bump in the road.
They were made for each other.
Morning, Dave. Hey, Bill.
Morning, Mr. James.
Lisa, I want to
ask you something.
Okay, I've got to go.
Can I get you a
cup of coffee, sir?
No. Lisa, come on.
Let's get a move on, huh?
Sorry, I really have to go.
Lisa, I own the telephone.
Hang it up. Let's go. Sorry.
Lisa, for God's sake,
would you get off the phone?
Wait a minute,
wait. Is that Stewey?
Stewart!
Yeah, it's Jimmy.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Hey, Beth. Morning, Dave, Lisa.
Morning, Mr. James.
What did you kids
do this weekend?
Oh, well... Well...
Me, I went to a
business symposium
called "the future is now."
Cost me five bills.
Guess what I learned.
That the future really is now?
You got it.
The whole day would
have been a total waste
except for this fellow
sitting next to me,
an absolute... I kid
you not... Total visionary
in the field of business
and technology.
Brilliant, brilliant guy
by the name of... Tom.
You met a visionary named Tom?
Yeah, Tom P. Baxter.
Here's what I want to do.
I want to do an on-air
interview with him.
Here's his number.
You ever had your
mind blown, Dave?
No.
Well, get ready. Here comes Tom.
Hey, Bill, you're
going to be doing
a live interview tomorrow.
With whom?
A business visionary.
And what's his vision?
Uh, not sure.
What's his name?
Tom.
Tom the Visionary, huh?
A friend of Jimmy's?
Uh, yes.
I thought so.
Why don't you have
Catherine handle this one?
Well, because I've
asked you to do it, Bill.
Stewart on line two.
Take a message, please.
Tell him I'll call him back.
Lisa, you must
miss him terribly.
Well, no, actually...
Ha, ha, ha!
Oh, Stewart.
How about you, Dave?
Do you have a
special lady in your life?
No, no.
I'm sorry. That was
presumptuous of me.
Do you have a special person?
Look, Bill, I had a
girlfriend in Wisconsin,
but it sort of ended
when I moved here.
Okay... All right?
Okay, take it
easy. I believe you.
Dave...
What do you mean
it "sort of" ended?
Come on. I told you about Nancy.
Well, did you tell
me everything,
or did you "sort of"
tell me everything?
Well, I mean,
what is there to tell?
I mean, we went
out for three years,
and then it ended.
Well, it ended? Who ended it?
You ended it,
what's-her-name ended it?
Well, let me put it this way.
At least I don't call her
every other day on the phone.
Does it bother you
that I talk to Stewart?
No, no.
It doesn't bother me.
It's just that I've seen
tobacco company lawsuits
settled more quickly
than this interminable
security deposit dispute.
You know, Dave,
just because you end a
relationship with somebody
doesn't mean you just
cut them out of your life.
Oh, really? Isn't that
actually the definition
of ending a relationship?
Doesn't bother me when
you talk to what's-her-name.
Nancy. Nancy.
And that's because I don't.
I haven't spoken with
Nancy since I left Wisconsin.
Well, that's just unhealthy.
You should give
her a call sometime.
Oh, should I?
Well, maybe I will.
Please do. Well,
perhaps I will do that.
Please do. All right.
Whatever.
Stewart on line two. Thank you.
Beth, would you hold
all my calls for a while?
I'm going to be on the
phone for a little while,
getting healthy.
Beth, I had something
that I wanted to ask you
and I can't
remember what it was.
What was it, what
was it, what was it?
Is it, "Is Dave still on
the phone with Nancy?"
No, of course not. But is he?
Oops. Sorry. I picked
up the wrong line. Bye.
It sounds like
they're wrapping it up.
Thank you.
Now, you don't do that when
I'm on the phone, do you?
Oh, no, no.
Hey, Dave.
H-hi.
What's new?
Huh?
I think what Lisa's
trying to say is
stop screwing around
and tell her what you
and Nancy talked about.
Right, Lisa?
So you were talking
to what's-her-name?
Nancy. Yes.
Nancy, yes. That's good.
Oh, good.
How is she?
She's well. She's well.
Um... Apparently,
she's coming for a visit.
Oh. That's healthy.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
That's good. Good, good.
When?
Apparently...
tomorrow.
Uh-huh.
Is that still good and healthy?
Uh-huh, yeah.
Yes. Now, you
invited her to come?
I don't exactly know
how that happened.
I think she invited
herself, actually.
And, um...
Where's she going to be staying?
Apparently...
With me.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Is that Stewart?
No, no. I was just
eavesdropping.
It's going to be great.
Bill McNeal here.
If you've tuned in
for WNYX's regularly
scheduled Wall Street Report,
we have a special treat for you,
because today we have
an exclusive interview
with business
visionary Tom P. Baxter.
Hello.
So, Tom, what trends do you see
shaping the business
world of tomorrow?
Well, Bill.
Let me preface that
by saying I've dabbled
in any number of
investments myself,
stocks, bonds, what have you,
but I've yet to find the one
that's the surefire moneymaker.
In fact, I took
quite a bath in silver
a few years ago.
How did that happen?
Well, it would seem to me...
I'll tell you how it happened.
It's the oldest
story in the world.
I bought high and sold
low. Bad idea, right?
Not really, Bill...
You don't need to rub it
in. I learned my lesson.
What the hell is he doing?
The only way to stop
him when he gets like this
is to put on the emergency
broadcast signal.
No. I've used that
three times this month.
I'll just have to bring Tom
P. Baxter back tomorrow.
David.
Nancy, hi.
I smell a photo opportunity.
Cheese. Cheese.
Lisa, get in there. Oh, no.
I want a picture. Come on.
Hi, I'm Nancy.
Yes, you are.
Cheese. Cheese.
Hi, Dave.
I missed you last night.
Oh yeah? Yeah.
I tried to call you
a couple times,
but I got your machine.
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.
That's, uh... I still
haven't told Nancy
about you and I, so I... Uh-huh.
Why not?
Well, it's just she's so sweet,
and this is really
going to hurt her.
Why would this hurt her?
Well, um...
Well, because
Nancy, apparently...
Doesn't think we split up.
Exactly how did
that happen, Dave?
Well, uh, apparently,
when I left Wisconsin,
I wasn't clear enough with her.
Mm-hmm? Yeah.
And exactly how
unclear were you?
Well, apparently...
Dave, you say
"apparently" one more time,
I'm going to strangle you.
Well, my exact
words to her were,
"We'll see what happens."
Nice job, Dave.
Oh, come on.
Look, you know I'm no
good at confrontation.
You know, but... You know,
last night we talked it all out,
and I told her.
You told her that it was
over, completely over
and that you were
seeing someone new?
Well, not exactly. Apparently...
I'm sorry.
I told her
that we had a lot of things
we really needed to talk about.
Hey, you...
Brr.
I hate to interrupt this
incredibly heavy vibe,
but the business
visionary dude is back.
Bill, where's Mr. Baxter?
Tom P. Baxter, the visionary?
Yes.
He's gone.
Why?
I told him to take a hike.
Again, Bill? Why?
Well, I don't know if you
were listening yesterday, Dave,
but that man has absolutely
nothing new to say.
Bill, you never gave
him a chance to speak.
Dave, I have 22
years of experience
in the art of interviewing.
You never gave him
a chance to speak.
The man's a total fraud.
I have a way of
sniffing these things out.
David.
Oh, Nancy. Hi.
I'm surprising you.
So you are.
Hey, everybody, look who's back.
Nancy, welcome back.
Oh, good. I don't have a
picture of the three of us.
Cheese. Cheese.
Oh, she's a keeper, David.
That means keep her.
Nancy, I've kind of got
my hands full right now.
Would you mind
waiting in the office?
Sure, but can I give
everyone their presents first?
Dave, let her give
us our presents first.
Sure, sure.
Well, I know how you news
people are always munching,
so I got everybody pastries.
I love pastries.
David... Pastries.
Who's lucky?
Who's jealous?
I tried to get everyone pastries
that matched their personality.
I know it sounds silly,
but I thought
it might be kind of fun.
First, for Beth,
I got ladyfingers
because she's so petite.
Thank you.
I got Catherine a honey roll
because you're so sweet.
Smart girl, Dave.
And for Joe and Matthew,
I got bear claws
because you're so rugged.
Oh, you flatterer.
Grr.
And for Lisa, a plain doughnut.
Nancy...
What do you say, I'm just
going to go grab my coat,
and then we'll
go for lunch, huh?
Sure. All right.
Thank you for this.
No problem.
You seem like one of
the nicer people here.
Oh, no, I'm really not.
Yes, you are.
That's why I wanted to
tell you not to even think
about moving in on my
boyfriend, or I'll kill you.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
What?
Oh. For a second, I
thought you were serious.
I am, completely.
Oh, no. You're joking, right?
Try me.
Hey.
You two getting acquainted?
Uh-huh. We sure are.
Great. So why don't
we head out for lunch?
Okay.
Oh, Nancy, I forgot one thing.
I'll be right with you, okay?
Okay. All right.
Uh, Lisa? She's leaving
tonight. I'll tell her after work.
I promise.
She doesn't know
where I live, does she?
What?
Nothing, nothing. Have
a nice lunch. I'm sorry.
Okay. Bye.
Bye, Lisa. Bye, Nancy.
Beth, you are not
going to believe this.
Nancy just told me that if I
put my hands on Dave, she...
I know, I know.
Were you eavesdropping again?
No. She just did the
same thing to me.
You didn't eat your
pastry yet, did you?
Uh-uh.
How'd it go last night?
Oh, hi.
Yeah. How'd it go last night?
Bad scene at the airport?
Uh, no, not really.
No. She's still here, isn't she?
Yes, but she's leaving this
afternoon. I swear to God.
Look, last night
was really rough.
I mean, we were up
till 4:00 in the morning,
you know, just talking
this whole thing out.
Mm-hmm. She was upset about us?
No, no. I didn't
tell her about us.
Oh, oh, well, no,
but you did tell her
that you were
seeing someone else
and it was over?
Well, apparently...
That's what I thought.
Did you tell him?
Tell him what?
Did you tell him
that his girlfriend is a
borderline psychotic?
Well, actually, I think that
they're about to break up.
No. Those two were
made for each other.
She's nuts.
Oh, come on, you guys.
She was just joking
with you, okay?
Yeah, how could
a girl that sweet
be capable of
cold-blooded murder?
Matthew, that is not
what we're saying.
We're just saying
that she is not the person
Dave thinks she is, that's all.
Mm-hmm. Look,
everybody's thinking it.
So I'm going to go
ahead and say it.
You two are just jealous.
Hey, I was thinking that.
I'll have you two know
Nancy brought me
an exquisite kiwi tart
yesterday.
Oh, neat. What did it say
about your personality?
I didn't discuss anything
with the pastry, Matthew.
I just ate it!
Our guest, Tom P. Baxter.
Thank you for joining us, Tom.
It's my pleasure, Catherine.
Now, I realize nobody can
actually predict the future,
but I understand you
have a unique insight
into where we might be headed
as we approach the
turn of the century.
Yeah, I do. As I
see it, Catherine,
the future of business...
Well, the future of
this country, in fact,
is... Computers.
Computers.
Okay, would you care
to elaborate on that?
Oh, you bet. I think
computers are great.
You can keep records
on them, play games.
They're... Well,
they're like magic.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. I mean, I
don't have one yet.
But I'm going to get one.
You'd better believe that.
What exactly do you
do for a living, Tom?
Well, I'm between
things right now,
but all that's going to change
just as soon as
I get a computer.
Well, now, this guy's
a complete fraud.
You think?
Yeah.
You know, I'm surprised
Bill didn't sniff this one out.
He usually has great instincts
about who's on the up-and-up.
Uh-huh.
You know, Bill has
22 years of experience
in the art of in interviewing.
He didn't say
anything about this?
Nothing that I recall
specifically, no.
Well, live and learn and
all that good crap, Dave.
Amen to that, sir.
Yeah, and if Tom
ever shows up again...
I'll call security.
That's my boy.
Okay, Bill,
you were right.
Shh, Dave, I'm listening.
I want to hear more
about these fascinating
com... pooters
of which he speaks.
Hi.
Hi. Nancy.
How are you? Is Dave around?
Uh-huh. He's in his office.
Oh, yeah. She's a real looney.
Look, all I'm saying is
she's not as sweet as she seems.
No, no, no, she isn't.
She's even sweeter.
So double-shame on both of you.
Triple-shame.
Nancy, wh...
Okay, I don't know
what David said to her,
but I'm going to have to call
a quadruple-shame on him.
How'd it go?
It could have gone better.
But you did tell
her it was over?
Yes.
Completely over?
Yes.
Not that I don't
trust you, Dave,
but would you mind
repeating the exact words
that you said to her?
All right, Lisa.
I told her it was
over, all right,
and I told her that I
had a new girlfriend
who I've been seeing
for two months...
And I told her that
girlfriend was you.
What did you do that for?
Huh?
Well, what if she tells
somebody in the office about us?
Nancy wouldn't do that.
Can you walk me to
the elevator, please?
Listen, I'm really very
sorry about all of this.
No. I didn't mean to
make things harder for you.
If I knew about any of this,
I wouldn't have come here.
Yeah, well, that probably
would have made things
a lot easier for all of us.
Dave, I hope we
can still be friends
at least.
Sure, sure.
Bye, everyone.
Oh, wait a minute.
You're leaving already?
I want to get a picture
with everybody. Everybody!
Picture.
Lisa, please.
David, smile.
You're with your girl here.
And say cheese.
Cheese.
I just wanted to thank everybody
for being so nice to me.
Well, you're welcome.
I don't know if you know
this, but Dave and I broke up.
No!
It's okay. These things happen.
I look forward to
being friends with Dave
and... Being friends
with his new girlfriend,
Lisa...
Who he's been having
a secret affair with
for the last two months.
Mm. Bye.
Well, I don't know
exactly what to say...
Lisa?
Beth?
I owe you guys an apology.
That girl is insane.
Sorry, David.
Imagine the
magnificent Bickersons
having an affair.
Wow.
Okay, that was a little close.
You know, just keep smiling
in case anyone has
any lingering doubts.
Now, Dave, I know
that that probably was
a little bit difficult for you,
but don't you feel better
now that you've closed
that chapter in your life?
Yes, I do.
It's all about closure,
Dave, because...
Lisa, Stewart on line two.
I'll take it at my desk.
Tom.
Yes?
Get out.