NewsRadio (1995–1999): Season 1, Episode 4 - The Crisis - full transcript

Okay, I just got off the
phone with the transit police.

It's the Number Nine train.

It's stuck

between the 14th and
18th Street stations,

and there was
some kind of a fire.

They put the fire out.

No one was hurt,

but there's still about 35
people stuck down there.

Listen up, everybody.

This is what we're going to do.

Standard subway crisis.



We know what to do, Dave.

I didn't know we had a
standard procedure for this.

Oh, sure. We send a
reporter to the scene.

He asks the transit police
if he can go in the tunnel,

they say no, he says okay,

I go on the air every
eight minutes and say...

Still no news on
that disabled train.

Business as usual.
Let's do it, people.

Actually, Bill... Yeah.

I'd like to try

something a little
different this time, okay?

Okay. How about this?
Send reporter, transit police,

tunnel no, okay, me
on-air every seven minutes.

Blah blah blah.



Let's do it, people.

Well, actually, Bill, seeing
as I am the news director,

I think we might try this.

My plan is that we get
a reporter in the tunnel

for an eyewitness account

and we be the
first station to do it.

Hey, Dave,

I'm not trying to be a downer,

but they never allow
reporters into the tunnel

during an emergency.

Well, that's even better.

That means we will
be the only station

with an eyewitness account.

Do you have a contact
at the transit commission?

I have the transit
commissioner's number here.

Great. Where'd you get that?

Directory assistance. I mean,
we have to start somewhere.

Now, Matthew's already
down at the scene

trying to get access from there.

Which he won't.

And Lisa, you will be the
on-air voice for this story.

Thank you, Dave.
Okay, Lisa, try this.

Still no news on
that disabled train.

Back with more in eight minutes.

Hi. How can I help you?

Need you to sign
for the new desk.

Oh, what new desk?

Okay, great. Just
put it right over there.

Uh, Beth, will you
look through the file,

see if you can get me
anything at all on the...

Uh, Beth? What new desk?

Matthew requisitioned a
new desk, so I ordered it.

Beth, what I want you to do is
get Matthew on his cell phone

and as soon as you have him,

patch him straight
in to me in here.

Isn't this the point

where everyone starts
snapping into action?

I have a question.

Yes, Bill?

I don't have a new desk.

Bill, that's not a question.

Relax, Bill. I'm
sure that our desks

will be coming
later, right, Dave?

Can we talk about this
some other time? Oh.

Let's get back to work, okay?

Beth, nobody's moving, are they?

No, they're not, Dave.

Okay. Let's talk about this now.

All right, Catherine?

If Bill gets a new
desk, so do I.

Bill's not getting a new desk.

Thanks for letting
me down so gently.

Can I have Matthew's old desk?

Joe, you're an electrician.
You don't need a desk.

Yeah, but I can get,
like, 150, 200 bucks for it.

I got my van downstairs.

You know, I could just...

Okay.

Look, can we just discuss
this desk situation tomorrow?

We have a real-life crisis
on our hands right now.

Let's not be distracted
by a stupid desk!

Oh, baby. She is beautiful.

No, no, I understand that
you have to put me on hold,

but it's just that I
was already on hold

before you put me on hold.

Hi. Hi.

You know what? Can I
ask you a question, Dave?

Sure. What?

Now, you didn't give me
that subway assignment

because we're
going out, did you?

Oh, no, of course not.

Okay.

Thank you.

I gave it to you because
you're so darn cute.

I'm just kidding.

Look, if you could just please

let me talk to the
transit commissioner

just for five minutes.

No, no, please,
don't transfer me

over to the deputy transit
commissioner. Ple...

Hello. Hi.

Could you transfer me back

to the transit
commissioner's office, please?

Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. Hi.
It's me again. Hold on, please.

I just wanted to warn
you, Mr. James is here.

Whenever there's
a big news crisis,

he likes to hang
out, enjoys the chaos.

Fine, fine. He brought
one of his golf buddies.

So try to look busy.

I wrote it all down in the note

so I would not interrupt you.

Thank you, Beth.

Well, can I at least
leave a message?

All right, it's Dave Nelson
from WNYX news radio,

and I'm calling about getting
full access to the tunnel

for one of my reporters.

Well... Dave
Nelson. N-E-L-S-O-N.

From WNYX...
Don't mind us, Dave.

Can you hold? Hi. This is
where it all happens, Bob.

News director's office,
crisis control central.

Hi. I'm Dave Nelson.

No, no, no. Ignore us, Dave.

We're here just to soak
up the excitement. Bob?

All right. Hi. Yes, I'm sorry.

Where were we? No.
No, no, that's my fault.

I guess I just assumed

you were writing it down.

It's Dave Nelson,
WNYX news radio...

Isn't this exciting? Here.

This is how I like to eat them.

Mm!

So, Dave.

What'd you dig up today,

another transit employee
whacked out on Mary Jane?

No, sir.

Right now, I'm just trying

to get full tunnel
access for Matthew.

Tunnel access. Wow!

Yeah. Is there anything
more exciting happening

anywhere in the station?

Well, Lisa's about to go
on-air with an update, if you like.

Whoo, let's go check out
that action. Come on, Bob.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

It's about getting
access to the tunnel.

Well, I do think we
have a shot in hell

or I wouldn't have
called, would I?

What? Listen, why don't you...

I'm sorry. Can
you hang on again?

Look, Bill, like it or not,

Lisa is doing all of
the subway updates.

I think it's important

that we have one
voice for this story,

but I'll give you the
next crisis, I promise,

but for right now,
the subject is closed.

Couldn't have said
it better myself, chief.

Good.

All right. Hi. What?

Yes. Yes, I am new to this job,

but I don't see
as that's relevant.

What? Well,
Wisconsin, originally,

but again, I really don't see
as that's any of your business.

Can you hold again?

Bill, is there something
bothering you?

This new desk of Matthew's...

Bill, this is what
we in the business

call bad timing.

Is it, Dave,

or is this part of
some shrewd plan?

Yeah, Bill. That's
it. Yeah, yeah.

I firebombed the
Number Nine train

so I could create a diversion
to get Matthew a new desk.

Hello? No, no,
that was just a joke.

Yes, yes, it was in poor taste,
but I really think if you just...

Well, she hung up. Thanks, Bill.

You see, it's not
the desk itself, Dave.

It's what it represents.

And that is? Actually,
it is the desk itself.

Dave, Captain
What's-his-name on line three.

He says it's urgent.

Bill, Dave really needs
to take this call alone.

Hello?

Hello. Hello.

Beth, there's no
one on line three.

I know. I just said
that to get rid of Bill.

Oh, oh, thank you, Beth.

You're welcome.

Oh...

Oh, Beth, you want a
new desk, don't you?

Listen, Dave, I'd like to
buy the staff lunch today

out of my own pocket.

Oh, thank you, sir.

That's very generous of you.

Well, it's all about
morale, Dave.

What with this subway crisis,

a nice free lunch will
make everybody feel better.

You want to phone that
in for me, Beth? You got it.

Yeah, but first, get me
the transit commissioner.

You got it.

I applaud your misguided
enthusiasm, Dave,

but for now, let's focus on
something within our grasp...

Like lunch.

And here's Lisa Miller

with more on the derailed
subway train. Lisa?

Thank you, Catherine.

Still no news on
that disabled train.

Back with more in eight minutes.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Matthew. Did they
let you into the tunnel?

No, of course not.

Free lunch today.

Whoo! Whoo!

Oh.

Finally.

What? What's going on, guys?

Nice desk.

Thanks.

Is it... new?

Yeah. It's great, isn't it?

Yes, indeed, this
sure is a real nice desk.

You know, it's weird...

Because I already kind of
miss my old one, you know?

So now he wants his old desk.

Why don't you talk to Dave?
I'm sure you can have both.

Hey, Matthew.

What?

Come on. You're coming with me.

What did the transit
commissioner say?

Well, it's impossible to get
anything done over the phone,

so I'm going to his office

and state our case in person.

How long has
Matthew been lobbying

for a new desk?

Well, there was no lobbying.

He just happened to mention
it over dinner one night.

Dave.

They don't really need
to know about our dinner.

So, dinner and a desk.

What's next, you're
going to get him a pony?

What are you
talking about, Bill?

Come on, Matthew.
Let's go. Hold on, Dave.

Before you go,
you'd better take this.

Right. Go on.

Hello.

Yes, it is. Huh?

Who is this?

Oh, that's my pal, Tony
Palmer, at Desk Emporium.

Tony, what's...

Tony... No, no, Tony, I'm
not in the mood to bargain.

Hey, Dave,

there's a man calling
from that derailed train.

He's on a cellular phone,
and he sounds real.

Tell him to hold.

Got to go, Tony.

Hello. Yes, yes,
this is Dave Nelson.

I'm the news director here.

Now, sir, are you
really on the train?

Great.

No, no, no, I didn't mean that.
Of course it's not great. No.

But, sir, I'd like to
put you on the air

if that's all right with you.

All right? Okay. Take this
up to Lisa in the booth, please.

Now, sir, I'm just going
to have to put you on hold,

and then patch you through
and you'll be on the air.

Okay, thank you, sir.

Dave, honey, I've
been to Desk Emporium,

and their stuff is crap.

I'll bear that in
mind, Catherine.

You do that.

A new development on
that stalled Number Nine train

in Chelsea...

Mr. Frank Silveri, a
passenger on that train,

has called WNYX
on his cellular phone.

Mr. Silveri, what is
the mood on the train?

Yeah, this is Tony
Palmer at Desk Emporium.

Are you in the mood to bargain?

Hello, Mr. Silveri?

Mr. Silveri?
Mr. Silveri? Mr. Silveri...

Great.

We lost him.

Conference table,
everybody. Now.

Matthew!

Let the elevator go, Matthew.

You just never know

when one of those is
going to come by, you know?

They're so... slow.

Okay, listen...

Everyone seems sort of
distracted today by something,

so let's just take a
few minutes to get it out

so we can focus
on the work at hand.

Who wants to go first? Bill?

Well, actually, I do have
a thing or two on my mind,

but I'd much prefer
to discuss them

over dinner some night.

Unless Matthew has
you all booked up.

Bill, if you'd like to
have dinner sometime,

that would be my pleasure.

Actually, I'm very
busy this month.

Yeah, Dave? Yes, Beth?

Let me just give you
the lowdown, if I could.

I think what's happening is that
everybody's getting really upset

because you and Matthew

have become
best friends so fast.

Ah! Okay, see? Now
we're getting somewhere.

You see, I knew this
couldn't be all about desks.

Yes, it is.

Now, I am sorry

if you've all gotten
the impression

that I like Matthew
more than the rest of you.

That is simply not so.

Well, you don't have to
make it sound so implausible.

All right, they pulled
the train about 50 feet,

but then it stalled again...

Lisa, not now.

I know I've only been
here a couple of weeks

and you don't really
know me that well,

but I'm sure as
you get to know me,

you'll realize I'm very
a fair and just person.

All right, why don't you guys
continue to discuss the desk,

and I'll sit in here

and single-handedly
broadcast the news?

It's a deal.

Lisa, it's not
really about desks.

Yes, it is.

There seems to be some confusion

about the fact that I
had dinner with Matthew.

So what? What's the big deal?

Dave and I have
had dinner before.

Really?

Well, yeah. Once.

Or twice, maybe.

Two dinners?

This is unbelievable!

Beth, is Sergeant
What's-his-name

still on line four for me?

No.

I'll take it in here.

No desk, no dinner...

Land of opportunity, my ass!

Dave, how did you
get an appointment

with the transit commissioner?

I didn't.

I'm just going to
go down to his office

and figure out
the rest from there.

Is this one of those plans

that involves
somebody dressing up

in a fake nun outfit?

No.

Oh, because I have one at home.

Good luck.

Oh, thanks, Lisa.

Oh, you two

probably want to be
alone right now, so I'll just...

Beth...

Look, I really wish

you hadn't
mentioned the dinners.

I know. I'm sorry.
It just slipped out.

I know, but those are
the kind up slip-ups

we really can't afford.

Look, Dave, I only
said two dinners.

That's not suspicious.

All right, all right.
Mm. That looks good.

You want some?

No, no, I don't have time.

Just take a little piece.

No, I really don't
have time. No.

Come on, you have to eat
something. Come on. No.

If that's what it takes
to get a new desk,

I don't even want one.

Okay, from now on,

we probably shouldn't
feed each other in public.

Lisa.

Dave, could I see you
in the can for a minute?

Shrimp, Dave?

I'm... full, sir.

Uh, you think we could
make this quick, sir?

I really have to get down
to the transit commission.

You want to tell me a little

about the morale
problem out there?

Uh, well, everyone's under
a certain amount of pressure,

you know, what with
this subway story and all.

I think there's a little
more to it, isn't there?

All right, I'm going to
come clean with you, sir.

No, I will not accept
your resignation.

Well, I... I... I wasn't
going to say that.

I was just going to say

that I made a small
error in judgment.

A small error in judgment...

What exactly
would that be, Dave?

Would that be Matthew's
desk or the dinner with Matthew

or the dinner with Lisa

or the second dinner with Lisa?

Okay, I made three or four
small errors in judgment.

Oh, they weren't errors, Dave.

They were decisions,
and that's your job.

No, the only error I see is that

you're letting your
people push you around

and make you
second-guess your decisions.

Of course you're right.

And now you're letting me do it.

You want my advice? Yes.

Well, I'm not going
to give it to you.

Listen, Dave...

I'm sure you're going to
make the right decision on this.

Sir, if we're done

with whatever
this is we're doing,

I really need to
get out of this office,

get downtown,

and to talk the
transit commissioner

into doing something
he flatly refuses to do.

Well, then, what are
you doing standing here

watching me eat
lunch in the can?

Exactly.

Are you coming, sir?

Oh, I kind of like it in here.

If you see Bob,

tell him to bring me a
little soy sauce, will you?

Dave, Dave, what did the
transit commissioner say?

He wouldn't talk to
me. What happened?

Well, I walked straight
into his office and sat down

and said I would not leave

until he gave us full
access to the tunnel.

And at what point did the
security guards show up?

Oh, about two minutes later.

But before they got there,
I grabbed this off his desk.

You stole the subway
commissioner's tunnel pass?

I borrowed it. We'll mail it
back when we're done. Now go.

Oh, no, this is not
going to work. Why?

Well, for one
thing, I'm not black.

Let's not get bogged
down with details, okay?

Now, Beth, go to the booth,

tell Lisa as soon
as Matthew calls in

to patch him... What are these?

New desks.

Where did these come from?

Scandinavia. Thank you.

I'm sorry about all that stuff

I've been saying
behind your back today.

Good job, Dave.

You really know how to
keep those troops happy. I do?

Shh! Dave, I told them you
ordered the desks for them.

I mean, that's the direction
you were headed in, right?

Mr. James, my
office now, please.

Coffee, Dave?

Good job, Dave.

It takes a big man to crumble
under pressure so fast.

Mr. James, this is
really not how I wanted

to handle this situation.

Why not?

Can't play favorites, right?

Got to treat everybody
equally, right?

I mean...

Mr. James, how I run
this office is my business.

Now I have a staff that thinks

if they complain enough
about anything, I'll cave in,

and that is not true.

Now, I'm going
to have to ask you

to return those desks.

Oh, I love the
fire in your eyes.

Sir, if you ever come in here
and undermine my authority...

Easy, Dave. I don't
love it that much.

Anyway, you're going to
have to handle this desk crisis

by yourself.

I got to go.

Matthew, what
are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be in the tunnel?

Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

I was headed downtown,

and I started
thinking about things,

and, oh, I just feel awful
about this desk situation.

Forget the desk.

You know, it's not even
really about the desks, though.

It's about... I can't
take the pressure

of everybody thinking that
I'm your favorite or something.

Matthew, right now, you
are really not my favorite.

You know what?

I am fine with the fact that
your new favorite is Lisa.

No. I'm kidding.

I love her. Lisa's great.

But, uh, I just feel

a lot of resentment
from the rest of the staff,

you know, here,

and what I was thinking

is we could have
some kind of fake fight

in front of everybody...

What? Not a hitting fight.
You know what I mean?

Matthew, I want you
to get out of my office.

I want you to go
downstairs, get in a cab,

and get to that tunnel,

and get me something
I can put on the air.

I just think if we
work this out...

I don't care what you
think. Just get out of here.

Okay! Why are you yelling at me?

I am not yelling at you,

but in about five
seconds, I will be!

Okay. Good job.
I think it worked.

What're you talking about?

I think they bought it.

Now, listen, are you and
Lisa having dinner tonight?

Because if not, I'd like to
even up that dinner score.

You know what I mean?
I'll call you from the tunnel.

Ladies and gentlemen,
clean out your desks.

They're going back.

In just a moment,

we'll be going to WNYX
reporter Matthew Brock

with an exclusive
eyewitness report

from the subway tunnel.

Great. Now, this
just goes to show you

that sometimes, if you just
push a little bit harder, you get...

Matthew, what can you see?

Lisa, there's really
not much to see.

Um, it's pitch-black...

Very smoky,

I'm standing in about
three feet of water.

I can see some flashlights
about 20 yards away,

but that's about it.

Anything more you can tell us?

There's not much
more to tell. Um...

Hang on. Hang on.

Another flashlight
just came on...

And went off.

That's about it.

Is there anything more
you can tell us, Matthew,

anything at all?

Again, Lisa, pitch-black,

very smoky,

three, three-and-a-half
feet of water.

Back to you, Lisa.

I didn't say it'd be the most
exciting thing in the world.

I just said we'd get it first.

Well, look at it this way.

If something
explodes down there,

Matthew will be
right on top of it.

Dave, on behalf
of the whole staff,

I want to apologize
about that desk thing.

I know we got a little silly.

Oh, Bill, that's all right.

Say, I don't want to nitpick,

but do you have any idea

when we're going to
get our old desks back?

Oh, you know,

we're still working on
tracking those down.

Dave, did you
mean for the movers

to take the
conference table also?

No, that was another
miscommunication on my part.

You know, if you
guys need desks,

I know a guy.

I could make a call.

Joe, please.

Think about it.

I'll be down in my van.

Well, I'm sure my wallet
will turn up somewhere.

Well, boss, you
sure showed them.

Yeah, I guess I did.

Can I get you anything else?

How about a chair?

That's kind of a
tough one, boss.

Yeah. Thanks anyway.

Okay, everybody's signed up,

and I think I have it scheduled.

Okay, on Monday,
you've got dinner with Bill.

He requested some kind
of fancy French cuisine.

Fine.

Okay, on Tuesday, you
have dinner with Catherine.

She requested some kind of
fancier French cuisine. Fine.

Okay, after dinner with
Catherine on Tuesday,

you are going to
meet Joe at the Garden

for the Knicks game.

He will pick you up in his van.

Great.

Okay, and then on Wednesday,
you're going out for sushi

with some guys from payroll.

Wonderful.

And Thursday, you are
taking me to the Korean place

where they let you
cook your own meat.

I'm very excited,
Dave. Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm just exhausted.
I can't wait to get into bed.

Okay. Good night.

Dave, just the guy
I was looking for.

Care to join us for dinner?

Yeah, it'd be a pleasure.

I'm a vegetarian.

Yeah? Great.

No, Beth, it's been,
like, 15 minutes.

Yeah, but... Yeah, but...

Every eight minutes
is what they told...

It's just very dark down here,

and I don't even think
there's anybody left.

Guys?

Yeah. Oh!

Hang on.

Beth?

Okay. Just... Hey,
if you're there...

Ew! Gross!

Help!