Newhart (1982–1990): Season 6, Episode 5 - Reading, Writing, and Rating Points - full transcript
Hi, hi, hotel honcho.
So aren't you gonna ask me?
I... I wasn't going to,
but how was teaching
that TV production class?
Dick, you didn't
raise your hand.
Hello, Stratford Inn.
Oh, hi, Bev.
Uh, Michael?
Yeah, he's... he's standing
here, uh, uh, waving his arms
and making faces.
Hi, Bev. Finally
tracked you down.
Yeah.
I know I promised you
ideas for that new time slot,
and I've got scads of 'em.
Yeah, but Dick's been
all over my back this
week about Vermont Today.
Well, you know these stars.
Oops, Dick's makin'
outrageous demands
even as we speak. I gotta go.
Michael, don't use
me as an excuse
for ducking Bev.
Gee, Dick, you
weren't eavesdropping?
Hi, nanny. Your
professor's here!
Michael, nannies can be old.
I like your dessert
nicknames much better.
It's filed.
Oh, and before we go, cupcake...
I've got kind of a
favor to ask you.
Well, it's not the way
we usually do things,
but go ahead.
Well, I was just wondering
if you'd come with me
to class on Thursday.
I... I thought one
way to get those kids
really sparked on TV production
would be to show them
the kinda chicks
we producers get.
I guarantee you oodles of envy.
Oh, Michael.
You're such a salesman.
Let me get my coat
and we can go shopping
and show those
kids the kind of outfit
a producer's paycheck can buy.
You scratch my
back, I clothe yours.
And, Dick, don't be jealous.
I haven't finished handing
out the classroom favors yet.
Well, now that
Producer's Chick is gone,
what's... what's left?
Type this on your
resume: Guest Lecturer.
Those kids are just drooling
to hear from a
small market talent.
So can I pencil you in?
Oh, Michael, you're
such a salesman.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
You must be a guest.
Well, I'm off-duty, but...
Joanna, there's a guest!
There you go.
Hello.
Oh, hi. I'm Bill Coder.
You have a reservation for me?
Okay.
Boy, I'm really exhausted.
I just drove straight
through from Austin.
2,000 miles in 32 hours
just to catch the fall colors.
And I've only got a week.
That's why I came
to the only place
that would guarantee
a specific date
for the leaves changing colors:
the Stratford Inn.
Uh, Mr. Coder,
no one can predict
the exact date
the leaves will change.
But I called ahead.
And someone here promised
me I'd see the fall colors.
Ah, the fall colors.
Raspberry red, lemon
yellow, orange orange.
You must be the guy I talked to.
Bill Coder?
Uh-huh.
George, you didn't by any
chance promise Mr. Coder
the leaves would
change color this week?
Sure did.
George, don't answer
the phone anymore.
Is there gonna be some problem?
Don't worry.
I've been living in
this town 57 years,
and every autumn,
the leaves change right after
the last blossom falls
off the hibiscus out front.
Sure enough,
there's only one
left, and it's dangling.
Great.
Come on, Bill.
I'll show you my photo album
of every change since '53
to sorta get you hepped up.
The change of '71
was really breathtaking.
I could just kick
myself for not splurging
on color film that year.
So...
summing up my philosophy, I say,
"Forget PBS, just
go for the bucks."
Steve?
Are there any openings
at your station, Mr. Harris?
Well, Steve, as I told
you at the last class
and over the
phone yesterday, no.
Any other questions?
Mr. Harris, is the
TV producer's job
as great as you've
been telling us?
Generally, it's great.
But it has its rough spots.
Like every 10 years or so,
television buckles
under to the outcry
for quality programming
from small bands
of snobby elitists.
Your best bet
during these periods
is to just lay low,
because eventually
the viewing public
will stand up as one and say,
"We want the chimp show."
I have an idea for a show
about a family torn
apart by divorce,
but it could work just
as well with chimps.
Mr. Harris, I've been
working on a script
about the struggle of
living with agoraphobia.
Chelsea, that's
a perfect example
of the trouble with
TV movies lately.
They've been so busy
glorifying trendy diseases
and torching spouses
on their Sertas
that... they've
forgotten to have fun.
So in your professional
opinion, Mr. Harris,
what does make a
good television movie?
Simple.
You just reunite the
cast of any '70s sitcom
or family drama
for a wedding or a funeral,
depending on the
health of the older actors
and...
you've got yourselves
a two hour...
through-the-roofer.
Your biggest problem
is recasting the holdouts,
but sometimes God is with you.
For instance,
when they went to
redo What's Happening,
the entire cast was available.
What about originality?
Now, what's all this
obsession with originality?
I predict someday
that the word "rehash"
will be an art term.
Know what I think
television really needs?
More heart.
Exactly my point.
What's got more heart...
than Keith, Laurie, Danny,
all the Partridge kids,
reunited to sing at the
wedding of their mom, Shirley
to Rueben Kincaid?
Not television heart,
uh, normal people
with real concerns.
Why not a citizen's forum?
Sort of an electronic soapbox?
- Hey.
- Not bad.
Yeah. Any chance, Mr. Harris?
It lacks something. Some twist.
Maybe if you cast
Audrey and Judy Landers
as the real people, with...
maybe Jimmy Osmond
heading up the house band.
You're missin' the
point, Mr. Harris.
Oh?
I think my success as a
producer speaks for itself.
And I say, Landers or not,
you've got yourself a yawnfest.
Oh, are you here
to clap the erasers?
Only kidding.
It's our guest celebrity,
Dick Loudon of Vermont Today.
Michael, I... I think I've
brought their envy to a peak,
so I'm going to go now.
I wish you all lots of success.
Well, I guess there's
nothing else to do
but bring on our guest.
I hope he's not nervous,
because, usually,
he doesn't have
this big an audience.
Here... here he is,
Dick... Dick Loudon.
Oh.
Thank you for that
smattering of... of applause.
Mr. Loudon, Steve Windsell.
Is it true there's
a lot of nepotism
in this business?
Because if it is,
I've been checking
out a few things,
and I may be
distantly related to you.
As well as to you, Mr. Harris.
My... my guess is
that you're probably
more related
to... To Mr. Harris.
Now, uh, can we break up
this emotional family reunion
and, uh...
And get to tonight's
subject, local television?
I... I... I can't tell you
what a pleasure it is
to be able to talk in class
without getting yelled at.
Good joke, Mr. Harris.
Mist... Mr. Harris?
That's right.
Nothing comes out of your mouth
that hasn't gone through
Mr. Harris' typewriter.
Remember about
insulating the on-air talent
from the cold realities
of the business?
E... Exactly what did he say?
Well, Mr. Harris told us
that as Vermont
Today 's talking head,
you're more or less his puppet.
Mi... Michael, what...
What have you been
telling these people?
Oh, Mr. Harris,
is this gonna be one of
those famous tantrums
you told us about?
Michael, last night
was, without exception,
the most humiliating of my life.
Especially that part about
me being your puppet!
Dick, Dick, put the
past behind you.
We've got a production
meeting to do here.
So this puppet,
it should look a lot like Dick?
Is Michael here?
And... and bless the
production meeting and...
And please keep...
Keep us on budget.
- Oh, Bev.
- Michael,
I'm still waiting to hear
your ideas for the new show.
We've only got 8 days to
put whatever it is on the air,
so I want your ideas
and I want them now.
Well, Bev, I... I was, uh,
trying to buy some time
to... To flesh them out,
but the basic concepts
are ooh, ooh, hot!
So is the water
you're standing in.
Okay.
Sizzler number one.
I call it Runners-Up:
What Might Have Been.
See, we get runners-up,
you know, like, uh,
the first runner-up
of this year's
Miss Green
Mountain contest or...
Or the kid who came in
second in the state spelling bee.
And we get those
losers on the show
and invite them to badmouth
the winners on camera!
I see bitterness, I see
crying, I see swimwear,
at least in the case of that
Near-Miss Green Mountain.
Michael, I'm not
interested in turning WPIV
into a freak show.
Oh.
Are you against freak
show as a concept
or just as a title?
I'm looking for
something with heart.
Heart.
What have you got
with heart, Michael?
Heart.
Okay.
How 'bout...
Battle of the Senior Citizens!
Athletic competition between
rival retirement homes.
Old folks scream heart.
Yeah, especially after
about three laps
around the track.
Michael,
I'm interested in
quality, not body count.
Obviously I was wrong about you.
Programming isn't your future.
Bev, if you just give
me a couple more days...
I'm gonna make
a few phone calls,
see if I can't scramble
up something last minute
to fill the slot for now.
And, Michael,
I want you in my
office in 10 minutes.
Dibs on his parking space.
Oh, heart. Heart!
How about, uh,
Citizens Forum?
Real people, real gripes?
Nah.
I like it.
Kind of a... an open
microphone, man-on-the-street,
what's your beef!
Michael, I n... I never
thought I'd say this about
one of your ideas,
and... and it... it worries me,
but I... I... I like it too.
Well, it's kinda rough, but
I... I know I can make it work.
I mean, picture
the Landers sisters
as the real people...
I'm... I'm not worried anymore.
Michael, it was perfect
the way you first said it.
Simple, uncluttered
television with heart.
We could have it on
the air by Saturday.
Congratulations.
Bev, it's just, I don't feel
right pitching this show.
I mean, it's... it's just...
You put a lot of pressure on me.
Obviously you work
best under pressure.
Great idea, Michael.
How are you coming
with those leaves, George?
Not so good.
That stupid blossom
is still dangling,
and the leaves won't
change 'til it falls.
But why don't you
just pluck it, George?
I don't wanna play God, Joanna.
George, did you ever think
that even if the
blossom does fall off,
the leaves still
might not change?
I didn't hear that, Joanna.
Hi, Mrs. Loudon! Hi, George.
Oh, hi.
I looked outside my
window this morning,
and everything was sure green.
And you seem okay with that.
Oh, sure.
I read that the longer
the leaves stay green,
the more vibrant the
colors when they do turn.
Boy, this place must be
gearing up for a real show.
Yeah.
I got some serious
nudging to do.
I'm sorry, Steph.
Michael, when we're on
a date, we do date stuff.
You're supposed to go
through your own personal hells
on your own time.
I know the guideline, Steph.
It's just that I'm...
I'm new to this guilt game.
I... I didn't mean
to pitch Neil's idea,
but Bev backed me into a corner.
Michael, remember
when you told me,
even though I never
really showed any interest,
that part of a producer's job
is to recognize talented people,
promote their
ideas, and then claim
as much credit as
he can get away with?
Yeah.
So!
You weren't stealing
that student's idea,
you were just being the
best darn producer you could.
I guess, but... Michael!
I've done all the
cheering up I'm going to.
I would like to see
some results now.
Oh, all right.
One more cheery
thought, and it's a biggie.
Just remember that you have
the cutest girlfriend
in the whole world.
I knew I could do it.
Damn, I'm good.
Dick, have you got a mo-mo
for a man-to-man heart-to-heart?
Michael, you actually
made my head hurt.
Well, Dick, I've done
something wrong.
Not... not big wrong,
but boo boo wrong.
A... And?
And I just want
you to yell at me.
Uh-huh?
Dick, I've been feeling guilty
about what I did to you,
you know, yesterday in class
a... among...
among other things.
I just want you to give me
that verbal spanking I deserve.
Just... just verbal?
Come on, Dick.
Take the safety off that tongue.
All right, Michael. Um,
M... uh, Michael,
you... You know, that...
That was, um, really a
pretty... You know, pretty...
Pretty crummy, uh...
A pretty... pretty crummy
thing that... that you...
You did to me in class.
Louder, Dick. More venom.
I mean, uh, you told those
kids, you know, like, um,
out... you know, out and
out... Out and out lies.
Go with it, Dick. Fist to wood.
I... I mean, uh, sh...
shame... Shame on you.
M... Michael, anger
isn't something
that I can just call up on...
On the spur of the moment.
I stole Citizen's
Forum from a student.
You what?!
That's great, Dick.
Just what I came for.
You... you took an idea
from one of the kids?
You... you slime.
Dick, Dick, I think
you're flirting with overkill.
Michael, you had
better do the right thing.
I will.
Dick, that, uh...
That right thing?
Could you give me
a hint what that is?
Well, it's time for class.
7 o'clock, 6 Central.
Well, before we get
started, why don't you, uh...
Why don't you hand in your
homework assignments?
I can't wait to read
your ideas for a spin-off
for Barney Rubble.
Just... just pass 'em forward.
I guess Barn'
didn't spark anyone.
We saw the promo for
Citizen's Forum last night.
You know something funny?
Right after I sold
Citizen's Forum
to the station,
I couldn't shake the
feeling we'd discussed
something similar in class.
You stole that
idea from the class.
Well, now I don't think
it's quite that simple.
You know how it is when...
a group of people
are brainstorming.
After a while, you
just sort of forget
who came up with the
idea in the first place.
It was Neil!
Way... way to go, Neil.
I want you to know I'm gonna...
I'm gonna do the right thing.
I'm gonna make sure you get,
uh, the recognition you deserve.
Let's... let's hear it for Neil.
That's not enough.
Well... Well, what
do you want from me?
You know, Neil's not the
only one who suffered here.
I was feeling so guilty
the other night about Neil,
that it completely
ruined a date with Steph.
So then I felt
guilty about Steph.
Wait, when I felt
guilty about Steph,
I apologized to
Steph, so maybe I...
I should...
apologize to Neil. Is that it?
Is that the right thing?
It's worth a try.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
So why do I still feel guilty?
I mean, that's always
so cleansing for Steph.
Did that do anything
for you, Neil?
Don't talk to me.
Talk to my lawyer.
Lawyer?
Nicholas Prescott, Mr. Harris.
I'm not actually a lawyer,
I'm a law student
and a friend of Neil's.
So you're just
here as a... friend?
And law student.
And, uh, speaking as one
who, uh, knows the law,
I think what would
make Neil feel better
is the following:
uh, full recognition and
credit for Neil Poland
as creator of Citizen's Forum,
an on-air retraction
of previous credits
and financial compensation
not limited to his
actual percentage
of the show itself.
And maybe your job.
I see.
Do you have a pass to be here?
When we return
to Citizen's Forum,
we'll hear from Bobby Terrow,
who'll tell us what it is
about Styrofoam cups
that really drives him nuts.
And commercial.
Hi. Hi, hi all.
Michael, where have you
been? The show is almost over.
Bev, I know.
I would've been
here for the premiere,
but we had an
unforeseeable accident
and ran out of gas.
Michael,
who is this?
Oh, Bev, this is
one of my students,
Neil Poland.
I predict you'll be hearing
his name a lot in the future.
Hopefully in the
next five minutes.
Don't worry, Dick.
I'm gonna fess up right now.
Hey, everybody...
How's it goin'?
-It's terrific -Really?
Yep.
I never had a
corned beef sandwich
quite this tangy. Want a bite?
Back from commercial
in three, two...
VOICEOVER: Styrofoam cups:
modern convenience
or Satan's chalice?
Bev, uh, can... can we discuss
Citizen's Forum privately?
Michael, I'm sure it can
wait until after the show.
Bev, ac... actually,
I think this is something
you'll wanna discuss
before we... we roll credits.
Uh, Bev...
Nice frock!
And did... And did I
mention that Neil is the kid
who inspired me to
create Citizen's Forum?
By, uh...
By, uh... by coming up
with the premise, the format,
and the title.
You stole the idea?
Of course not, Bev.
Neil's lawyer friend
said the proper phrase is
"unlawful appropriation."
Oh, my God.
Bev, the important thing is
I told the truth and... and...
And the guilt is gone.
However, it's rapidly
being replaced
by fear for my job.
But I'm sure that fear
will be gone in a minute.
Right, Bev? Once
again, dynamite dress.
Miss Dutton, you've
gotta come quick.
The whole switchboard is lit up.
Both lines?
People really love
the show, huh?
No, they hate it.
23 calls, and they all feel
they've got real problems,
and just wish our
people would quit whining
about their own
petty complaints.
Uh, Vern the gofer, meet Neil,
the creator of Citizen's Forum.
But I thought you were the...
Hey, Bud, did you meet Neil,
the creator of Citizen's Forum?
Uh, well... uh, uh,
you know how it is
when a group of people
are brainstorming and...
and... And before long,
you forget who came
up with the idea...
It was Neil!
Dick, you were right.
I told the truth
and I feel great!
It was... his show! His show!
Hey, everybody! Meet Neil!
Sorry about the
leaves, Mr. Coder,
but there's always next year.
Actually, there's
later this year,
but I guess you can't stay.
That was sorta the
reason for calling ahead.
It wasn't such a bad vacation.
Saw them make butter.
Saw them make cheese.
Saw them make maple syrup.
Ate a lot.
Well, I'm sorry George
isn't here to see you off.
Actually, I haven't
seen him around
since yesterday.
Oh, that's okay.
I'd probably kill him.
Well, so long.
- So long.
- Not so fast, Coder.
In living color,
direct from the state of Maine,
autumn leaves!
Oh!
Ah!
Meow.
So aren't you gonna ask me?
I... I wasn't going to,
but how was teaching
that TV production class?
Dick, you didn't
raise your hand.
Hello, Stratford Inn.
Oh, hi, Bev.
Uh, Michael?
Yeah, he's... he's standing
here, uh, uh, waving his arms
and making faces.
Hi, Bev. Finally
tracked you down.
Yeah.
I know I promised you
ideas for that new time slot,
and I've got scads of 'em.
Yeah, but Dick's been
all over my back this
week about Vermont Today.
Well, you know these stars.
Oops, Dick's makin'
outrageous demands
even as we speak. I gotta go.
Michael, don't use
me as an excuse
for ducking Bev.
Gee, Dick, you
weren't eavesdropping?
Hi, nanny. Your
professor's here!
Michael, nannies can be old.
I like your dessert
nicknames much better.
It's filed.
Oh, and before we go, cupcake...
I've got kind of a
favor to ask you.
Well, it's not the way
we usually do things,
but go ahead.
Well, I was just wondering
if you'd come with me
to class on Thursday.
I... I thought one
way to get those kids
really sparked on TV production
would be to show them
the kinda chicks
we producers get.
I guarantee you oodles of envy.
Oh, Michael.
You're such a salesman.
Let me get my coat
and we can go shopping
and show those
kids the kind of outfit
a producer's paycheck can buy.
You scratch my
back, I clothe yours.
And, Dick, don't be jealous.
I haven't finished handing
out the classroom favors yet.
Well, now that
Producer's Chick is gone,
what's... what's left?
Type this on your
resume: Guest Lecturer.
Those kids are just drooling
to hear from a
small market talent.
So can I pencil you in?
Oh, Michael, you're
such a salesman.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
You must be a guest.
Well, I'm off-duty, but...
Joanna, there's a guest!
There you go.
Hello.
Oh, hi. I'm Bill Coder.
You have a reservation for me?
Okay.
Boy, I'm really exhausted.
I just drove straight
through from Austin.
2,000 miles in 32 hours
just to catch the fall colors.
And I've only got a week.
That's why I came
to the only place
that would guarantee
a specific date
for the leaves changing colors:
the Stratford Inn.
Uh, Mr. Coder,
no one can predict
the exact date
the leaves will change.
But I called ahead.
And someone here promised
me I'd see the fall colors.
Ah, the fall colors.
Raspberry red, lemon
yellow, orange orange.
You must be the guy I talked to.
Bill Coder?
Uh-huh.
George, you didn't by any
chance promise Mr. Coder
the leaves would
change color this week?
Sure did.
George, don't answer
the phone anymore.
Is there gonna be some problem?
Don't worry.
I've been living in
this town 57 years,
and every autumn,
the leaves change right after
the last blossom falls
off the hibiscus out front.
Sure enough,
there's only one
left, and it's dangling.
Great.
Come on, Bill.
I'll show you my photo album
of every change since '53
to sorta get you hepped up.
The change of '71
was really breathtaking.
I could just kick
myself for not splurging
on color film that year.
So...
summing up my philosophy, I say,
"Forget PBS, just
go for the bucks."
Steve?
Are there any openings
at your station, Mr. Harris?
Well, Steve, as I told
you at the last class
and over the
phone yesterday, no.
Any other questions?
Mr. Harris, is the
TV producer's job
as great as you've
been telling us?
Generally, it's great.
But it has its rough spots.
Like every 10 years or so,
television buckles
under to the outcry
for quality programming
from small bands
of snobby elitists.
Your best bet
during these periods
is to just lay low,
because eventually
the viewing public
will stand up as one and say,
"We want the chimp show."
I have an idea for a show
about a family torn
apart by divorce,
but it could work just
as well with chimps.
Mr. Harris, I've been
working on a script
about the struggle of
living with agoraphobia.
Chelsea, that's
a perfect example
of the trouble with
TV movies lately.
They've been so busy
glorifying trendy diseases
and torching spouses
on their Sertas
that... they've
forgotten to have fun.
So in your professional
opinion, Mr. Harris,
what does make a
good television movie?
Simple.
You just reunite the
cast of any '70s sitcom
or family drama
for a wedding or a funeral,
depending on the
health of the older actors
and...
you've got yourselves
a two hour...
through-the-roofer.
Your biggest problem
is recasting the holdouts,
but sometimes God is with you.
For instance,
when they went to
redo What's Happening,
the entire cast was available.
What about originality?
Now, what's all this
obsession with originality?
I predict someday
that the word "rehash"
will be an art term.
Know what I think
television really needs?
More heart.
Exactly my point.
What's got more heart...
than Keith, Laurie, Danny,
all the Partridge kids,
reunited to sing at the
wedding of their mom, Shirley
to Rueben Kincaid?
Not television heart,
uh, normal people
with real concerns.
Why not a citizen's forum?
Sort of an electronic soapbox?
- Hey.
- Not bad.
Yeah. Any chance, Mr. Harris?
It lacks something. Some twist.
Maybe if you cast
Audrey and Judy Landers
as the real people, with...
maybe Jimmy Osmond
heading up the house band.
You're missin' the
point, Mr. Harris.
Oh?
I think my success as a
producer speaks for itself.
And I say, Landers or not,
you've got yourself a yawnfest.
Oh, are you here
to clap the erasers?
Only kidding.
It's our guest celebrity,
Dick Loudon of Vermont Today.
Michael, I... I think I've
brought their envy to a peak,
so I'm going to go now.
I wish you all lots of success.
Well, I guess there's
nothing else to do
but bring on our guest.
I hope he's not nervous,
because, usually,
he doesn't have
this big an audience.
Here... here he is,
Dick... Dick Loudon.
Oh.
Thank you for that
smattering of... of applause.
Mr. Loudon, Steve Windsell.
Is it true there's
a lot of nepotism
in this business?
Because if it is,
I've been checking
out a few things,
and I may be
distantly related to you.
As well as to you, Mr. Harris.
My... my guess is
that you're probably
more related
to... To Mr. Harris.
Now, uh, can we break up
this emotional family reunion
and, uh...
And get to tonight's
subject, local television?
I... I... I can't tell you
what a pleasure it is
to be able to talk in class
without getting yelled at.
Good joke, Mr. Harris.
Mist... Mr. Harris?
That's right.
Nothing comes out of your mouth
that hasn't gone through
Mr. Harris' typewriter.
Remember about
insulating the on-air talent
from the cold realities
of the business?
E... Exactly what did he say?
Well, Mr. Harris told us
that as Vermont
Today 's talking head,
you're more or less his puppet.
Mi... Michael, what...
What have you been
telling these people?
Oh, Mr. Harris,
is this gonna be one of
those famous tantrums
you told us about?
Michael, last night
was, without exception,
the most humiliating of my life.
Especially that part about
me being your puppet!
Dick, Dick, put the
past behind you.
We've got a production
meeting to do here.
So this puppet,
it should look a lot like Dick?
Is Michael here?
And... and bless the
production meeting and...
And please keep...
Keep us on budget.
- Oh, Bev.
- Michael,
I'm still waiting to hear
your ideas for the new show.
We've only got 8 days to
put whatever it is on the air,
so I want your ideas
and I want them now.
Well, Bev, I... I was, uh,
trying to buy some time
to... To flesh them out,
but the basic concepts
are ooh, ooh, hot!
So is the water
you're standing in.
Okay.
Sizzler number one.
I call it Runners-Up:
What Might Have Been.
See, we get runners-up,
you know, like, uh,
the first runner-up
of this year's
Miss Green
Mountain contest or...
Or the kid who came in
second in the state spelling bee.
And we get those
losers on the show
and invite them to badmouth
the winners on camera!
I see bitterness, I see
crying, I see swimwear,
at least in the case of that
Near-Miss Green Mountain.
Michael, I'm not
interested in turning WPIV
into a freak show.
Oh.
Are you against freak
show as a concept
or just as a title?
I'm looking for
something with heart.
Heart.
What have you got
with heart, Michael?
Heart.
Okay.
How 'bout...
Battle of the Senior Citizens!
Athletic competition between
rival retirement homes.
Old folks scream heart.
Yeah, especially after
about three laps
around the track.
Michael,
I'm interested in
quality, not body count.
Obviously I was wrong about you.
Programming isn't your future.
Bev, if you just give
me a couple more days...
I'm gonna make
a few phone calls,
see if I can't scramble
up something last minute
to fill the slot for now.
And, Michael,
I want you in my
office in 10 minutes.
Dibs on his parking space.
Oh, heart. Heart!
How about, uh,
Citizens Forum?
Real people, real gripes?
Nah.
I like it.
Kind of a... an open
microphone, man-on-the-street,
what's your beef!
Michael, I n... I never
thought I'd say this about
one of your ideas,
and... and it... it worries me,
but I... I... I like it too.
Well, it's kinda rough, but
I... I know I can make it work.
I mean, picture
the Landers sisters
as the real people...
I'm... I'm not worried anymore.
Michael, it was perfect
the way you first said it.
Simple, uncluttered
television with heart.
We could have it on
the air by Saturday.
Congratulations.
Bev, it's just, I don't feel
right pitching this show.
I mean, it's... it's just...
You put a lot of pressure on me.
Obviously you work
best under pressure.
Great idea, Michael.
How are you coming
with those leaves, George?
Not so good.
That stupid blossom
is still dangling,
and the leaves won't
change 'til it falls.
But why don't you
just pluck it, George?
I don't wanna play God, Joanna.
George, did you ever think
that even if the
blossom does fall off,
the leaves still
might not change?
I didn't hear that, Joanna.
Hi, Mrs. Loudon! Hi, George.
Oh, hi.
I looked outside my
window this morning,
and everything was sure green.
And you seem okay with that.
Oh, sure.
I read that the longer
the leaves stay green,
the more vibrant the
colors when they do turn.
Boy, this place must be
gearing up for a real show.
Yeah.
I got some serious
nudging to do.
I'm sorry, Steph.
Michael, when we're on
a date, we do date stuff.
You're supposed to go
through your own personal hells
on your own time.
I know the guideline, Steph.
It's just that I'm...
I'm new to this guilt game.
I... I didn't mean
to pitch Neil's idea,
but Bev backed me into a corner.
Michael, remember
when you told me,
even though I never
really showed any interest,
that part of a producer's job
is to recognize talented people,
promote their
ideas, and then claim
as much credit as
he can get away with?
Yeah.
So!
You weren't stealing
that student's idea,
you were just being the
best darn producer you could.
I guess, but... Michael!
I've done all the
cheering up I'm going to.
I would like to see
some results now.
Oh, all right.
One more cheery
thought, and it's a biggie.
Just remember that you have
the cutest girlfriend
in the whole world.
I knew I could do it.
Damn, I'm good.
Dick, have you got a mo-mo
for a man-to-man heart-to-heart?
Michael, you actually
made my head hurt.
Well, Dick, I've done
something wrong.
Not... not big wrong,
but boo boo wrong.
A... And?
And I just want
you to yell at me.
Uh-huh?
Dick, I've been feeling guilty
about what I did to you,
you know, yesterday in class
a... among...
among other things.
I just want you to give me
that verbal spanking I deserve.
Just... just verbal?
Come on, Dick.
Take the safety off that tongue.
All right, Michael. Um,
M... uh, Michael,
you... You know, that...
That was, um, really a
pretty... You know, pretty...
Pretty crummy, uh...
A pretty... pretty crummy
thing that... that you...
You did to me in class.
Louder, Dick. More venom.
I mean, uh, you told those
kids, you know, like, um,
out... you know, out and
out... Out and out lies.
Go with it, Dick. Fist to wood.
I... I mean, uh, sh...
shame... Shame on you.
M... Michael, anger
isn't something
that I can just call up on...
On the spur of the moment.
I stole Citizen's
Forum from a student.
You what?!
That's great, Dick.
Just what I came for.
You... you took an idea
from one of the kids?
You... you slime.
Dick, Dick, I think
you're flirting with overkill.
Michael, you had
better do the right thing.
I will.
Dick, that, uh...
That right thing?
Could you give me
a hint what that is?
Well, it's time for class.
7 o'clock, 6 Central.
Well, before we get
started, why don't you, uh...
Why don't you hand in your
homework assignments?
I can't wait to read
your ideas for a spin-off
for Barney Rubble.
Just... just pass 'em forward.
I guess Barn'
didn't spark anyone.
We saw the promo for
Citizen's Forum last night.
You know something funny?
Right after I sold
Citizen's Forum
to the station,
I couldn't shake the
feeling we'd discussed
something similar in class.
You stole that
idea from the class.
Well, now I don't think
it's quite that simple.
You know how it is when...
a group of people
are brainstorming.
After a while, you
just sort of forget
who came up with the
idea in the first place.
It was Neil!
Way... way to go, Neil.
I want you to know I'm gonna...
I'm gonna do the right thing.
I'm gonna make sure you get,
uh, the recognition you deserve.
Let's... let's hear it for Neil.
That's not enough.
Well... Well, what
do you want from me?
You know, Neil's not the
only one who suffered here.
I was feeling so guilty
the other night about Neil,
that it completely
ruined a date with Steph.
So then I felt
guilty about Steph.
Wait, when I felt
guilty about Steph,
I apologized to
Steph, so maybe I...
I should...
apologize to Neil. Is that it?
Is that the right thing?
It's worth a try.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
So why do I still feel guilty?
I mean, that's always
so cleansing for Steph.
Did that do anything
for you, Neil?
Don't talk to me.
Talk to my lawyer.
Lawyer?
Nicholas Prescott, Mr. Harris.
I'm not actually a lawyer,
I'm a law student
and a friend of Neil's.
So you're just
here as a... friend?
And law student.
And, uh, speaking as one
who, uh, knows the law,
I think what would
make Neil feel better
is the following:
uh, full recognition and
credit for Neil Poland
as creator of Citizen's Forum,
an on-air retraction
of previous credits
and financial compensation
not limited to his
actual percentage
of the show itself.
And maybe your job.
I see.
Do you have a pass to be here?
When we return
to Citizen's Forum,
we'll hear from Bobby Terrow,
who'll tell us what it is
about Styrofoam cups
that really drives him nuts.
And commercial.
Hi. Hi, hi all.
Michael, where have you
been? The show is almost over.
Bev, I know.
I would've been
here for the premiere,
but we had an
unforeseeable accident
and ran out of gas.
Michael,
who is this?
Oh, Bev, this is
one of my students,
Neil Poland.
I predict you'll be hearing
his name a lot in the future.
Hopefully in the
next five minutes.
Don't worry, Dick.
I'm gonna fess up right now.
Hey, everybody...
How's it goin'?
-It's terrific -Really?
Yep.
I never had a
corned beef sandwich
quite this tangy. Want a bite?
Back from commercial
in three, two...
VOICEOVER: Styrofoam cups:
modern convenience
or Satan's chalice?
Bev, uh, can... can we discuss
Citizen's Forum privately?
Michael, I'm sure it can
wait until after the show.
Bev, ac... actually,
I think this is something
you'll wanna discuss
before we... we roll credits.
Uh, Bev...
Nice frock!
And did... And did I
mention that Neil is the kid
who inspired me to
create Citizen's Forum?
By, uh...
By, uh... by coming up
with the premise, the format,
and the title.
You stole the idea?
Of course not, Bev.
Neil's lawyer friend
said the proper phrase is
"unlawful appropriation."
Oh, my God.
Bev, the important thing is
I told the truth and... and...
And the guilt is gone.
However, it's rapidly
being replaced
by fear for my job.
But I'm sure that fear
will be gone in a minute.
Right, Bev? Once
again, dynamite dress.
Miss Dutton, you've
gotta come quick.
The whole switchboard is lit up.
Both lines?
People really love
the show, huh?
No, they hate it.
23 calls, and they all feel
they've got real problems,
and just wish our
people would quit whining
about their own
petty complaints.
Uh, Vern the gofer, meet Neil,
the creator of Citizen's Forum.
But I thought you were the...
Hey, Bud, did you meet Neil,
the creator of Citizen's Forum?
Uh, well... uh, uh,
you know how it is
when a group of people
are brainstorming and...
and... And before long,
you forget who came
up with the idea...
It was Neil!
Dick, you were right.
I told the truth
and I feel great!
It was... his show! His show!
Hey, everybody! Meet Neil!
Sorry about the
leaves, Mr. Coder,
but there's always next year.
Actually, there's
later this year,
but I guess you can't stay.
That was sorta the
reason for calling ahead.
It wasn't such a bad vacation.
Saw them make butter.
Saw them make cheese.
Saw them make maple syrup.
Ate a lot.
Well, I'm sorry George
isn't here to see you off.
Actually, I haven't
seen him around
since yesterday.
Oh, that's okay.
I'd probably kill him.
Well, so long.
- So long.
- Not so fast, Coder.
In living color,
direct from the state of Maine,
autumn leaves!
Oh!
Ah!
Meow.