Newhart (1982–1990): Season 6, Episode 10 - Telethon Man - full transcript
Dick hosts a telethon to rescue the financially strapped WPIV.
Hi. I'm Larry.
This is my brother Darryl,
and this is my
other brother Darryl.
Hi, guys, it's... it's
great to see you.
Honey, I'm just trying to
learn to make the best of it.
Thank you for that
unexpected warm welcome.
Darryl's a bit flushed.
We just came by to announce
the further branching
out of our creative talents.
We've started inventing.
And we wanted
you to be the first
to upgrade your
standard of living with this.
We call it the Dr. Dribble.
Ah.
We find that eating our
favorite critter in gravy
can be a sloppy,
wasteful affair.
And it's just not as
much fun as it used to be,
sucking each other's shirts.
We know that feeling.
Hence Dr. Dribble.
See, the main portion of
your meal remains here,
just like in your
normal, inferior spoon.
But any sloshing
overspill is caught here.
You can have that one.
No. No, thanks.
We'd just... you know, we'd
just wind up fighting over it.
Yeah.
We understand.
Come on, Darryl.
We'd better patent this baby.
We were beaten once before
and now every time we
see mail-order sea monkeys,
it breaks our hearts.
SOS, Mayday! Mayday!
Michael, what's wrong?
It's the station.
Oh, Michael, don't get
me upset for no reason.
For a minute there,
I thought something
cosmetically devastating
had happened to you.
No, Steph, I'm unmaimed,
but WPIV is in serious
financial trouble.
Even looks like
they won't be able
to pay anyone this week.
Michael, this won't affect
the quality of our dates,
will it?
Don't worry, cupcake.
Seeing this disaster coming,
I made a brilliant
upper-management decision
and advanced myself a month.
Oh.
Well, then, everything's fine.
Michael, as... as relieved as I
am about your ability to date,
um, what... what about the...
The other people at the station?
Don't worry, Dick.
I've earned every nickel
of that ill-gotten booty.
I've come up with a
plan to save WPIV.
A telethon.
- A telethon?
- Yeah.
We get viewers to send in money
so the station
can stay on the air.
Mi... Michael, that's
what public channels do,
but, uh, people won't pay
to watch commercial TV.
We don't know that, Dick.
No one's ever had the
gumption to ask 'em before.
I... I think a tele... a telethon
is a... is a ridiculous idea.
Well, gee, Dick,
I hope that won't
affect your performance
when you host it.
No way.
Now, Dick, think of your
family of fellow WPIVers
all hoping, praying,
that our little TV home
won't be foreclosed on.
I think you should know,
I took a poll of every other
performer at the station,
and they voted unanimously
that you were the one
to host the telethon.
R... Really?
Every last one.
They all thought you
were the only one with
enough stamina to
stay up 48 hours straight.
48 hours? That's two days!
Dick, we have to do something
to grab the viewers' attention
and everyone thinks
that the health risk
to a man your age
stressing yourself out
like that for that many hours
is just the ticket.
I am not killing
myself for the station.
Look, I would never
take the slightest chance
with your health.
You're my friend, my workmate.
My meal ticket.
Well...
And just to make
you feel totally safe,
I've arranged to have a doctor
by your side every minute.
Dick, for our relationship
to keep working
you must be alive.
Honey, I know that. But...
I mean, a whole station
is... Is at stake and...
And I'm sure, you know, it...
It couldn't be that dangerous.
Joanna, you have my word.
He'll be just fine or I'm not
the best darn producer
in show business.
Dick, hold me.
How 'bout that snazzy
tote board, huh?
Oh, and here's
your tote board toots.
Debbie. She's the best. Watch.
And our new
total is 500 dollars!
Great... uh, great gesturing.
And for every 100 dollar pledge,
the Debster will peel
off an item of clothing
until she is down
to her string bikini.
I call it strip-pledging.
Great name. We're not doing it.
Okay.
Lose the strip pledge
angle. Dick doesn't want it.
Thank you, Dick.
Gee, Dick, the crew's
already antsy enough
about not getting
paid yet this week,
and now you've shot a
torpedo through the S.S. Morale.
Anyway, I've written a...
opening speech for
you on the teleprompter.
Michael, I'm not
going on the air
until I see the
doctor you promised.
Well, he, uh,
He's not... he's not
here at the moment.
I'm over here.
Hi. I'm Timmy.
Doc... Dr. Timmy.
He's not a doctor.
Well, not technically
but he's a...
He's a certified
junior lifesaver.
In swimming!
Good for you.
Michael... Dick, real
doctors cost money.
Do you want the
station further in debt?
- Michael, there is no way...
- Dick, you're on the air.
- I'm going to...
- In three, two...
It's the WPIV 48-hour telethon
with Dick Loudon.
Hi.
Welcome to the, uh,
first WPIV telethon.
You may ask what's...
What's this telethon for.
Well, it's for a disease.
A disease called low profits.
We... we need your money
to... To stay on the air.
You see all those high
quality WPIV programs,
The... The Ropers,
uh, Bracken's World,
Me and the Chimp,
don't come cheap.
Now, I know many of
you have been watching
these shows for years for free,
and so in a way
you... You kind of...
owe us.
Anyway, I'm, uh,
gonna go without sleep
for the next 48 hours.
Joining me will be
some wonderful acts,
as well as many of your
favorite WPIV personalities like
Pearl of Pearl's Kitchen,
Jack of Jack's Shed
and Willy of Willy's...
Compost Heap.
Now let's, uh, take a
look at the tote board
and our beginning total is...
Minus 200 dollars?
Tote boards cost money, Dick.
Well, we, uh...
We'd better get started, then.
So here I am,
doing my late night
sermonette, and it hits me.
The crew has taken
out the New Testament
and put in Hollywood Wives.
For a moment there,
the last supper
was at Ma Maison.
That, uh... that... that was...
That was really good, Billy.
Uh, Billy was two hours ago.
I'm Danny.
From Sermonette With Danny?
Oh. Oh yeah. Well, let's, uh...
Let's check our, uh,
tote board as we go into...
Hour 25 and the new total is...
Minus... minus 57.
L... Listen, in this next hour,
I wanna see that board climb...
all the way to zero.
I'm, uh... I'm going to
take this call personally.
Hello, you're on the
air with Dick Loudon.
Uh... uh, Jo... Joanna, not now.
Well, some real...
Real pledges might...
Might be trying to get through.
They could so.
I'm... I'm... I'm fine.
Everybody gets memory trouble
when... when... when they're tired.
Dick Loudon, 28 Westbrook Road.
Well, I... I... I missed
you too last night.
I love you too. Good-bye.
Well, let's get back
with Reverend Lenny
and see some of his clips.
And we're clear.
How's it going, marathon guy?
Terrible.
Well, don't worry, Dick.
As you get closer
to total collapse,
I'm sure things will pick up.
Uh...
something up, guys?
Michael, you promised we'd
get our pay checks today.
Where are they?
Well, they are
supposed to be, uh...
Well, here they are
now. The checks.
Hey, the checks are here!
Oh, uh, guys, here's your...
Here's your checks, just...
Just like I promised.
But, uh, WPIV management
asks one teensy favor.
Under no circumstances
try and cash them.
That does it. We're leavin'.
Hey, guys, uh, try...
Try and look at this
in a positive way.
You know, some of you could
stand to forego a couple of meals
and shed a few kilos.
Wait, wait... Wait
a minute, guys.
If... if you walk out that door,
you're saying goodbye
to WPIV forever.
I mean, what... what about
the close little family
we've become?
Norm, Greg, Ted.
Who the hell are they?
All... all right, I'm having
a little trouble with names.
I... I'm tired.
The... the point is that
the... the closer I
get to total collapse,
the more people will tune in
and... and pledge. Right, Michael?
That's the hope.
Let's job hunt, people.
Nice... nice speech, big
guy, but I guess it's, uh,
I guess it's over.
Come on, I'll... I'll
drive you home.
I'm not leaving, Michael.
Sorry? No comprende.
I'm staying aqui.
Dick, there's no crew,
no camera operators,
no director.
It is my professional opinion
that you should go
home, Mr. Loudon.
Go to your tent, Timmy.
Wow.
Ignoring the doctor?
Dick, I have to tell
you, I think lack of sleep
has seriously impaired
your judgement,
and I demand you let
me take you home or else.
Or... or else what?
Or else...
Or else I'm... I'm
gonna have to slap ya.
I'm not giving up.
Okay, Dick. You
leave me no choice.
Hysterical?
I'm sorry I had to
do that. Now, let's go.
No.
Well, Dick, I didn't
wanna have to do this,
but you're forcing
me to use my big gun.
I'm telling Joanna.
Hi.
Sorry.
Sorry for that little
technical boo...
Uh, boo.
But as I said... sort of...
Sort of doing everything myself.
Moi.
Now, I... I got a
couple more pledges
which will bring
our... Our tally-ho...
Tally... tally high up to...
a grand total of...
37 dolly... dolly-ollars.
Now we've finally broken
that elusive zero barrier.
Hi.
Well, now,
I still... still don't hear
those phones ringing so...
Oh.
Oh no, not... not again.
I guess... I guess I lost... I
lost my head again, folks.
You know,
to show... to show you how much
I want those fundings,
I'm going... I'm going
to do a "soft... sue".
A sand dance.
Da. Da. Da.
Da. Da...
Da. Da.
I'm thinkin'...
10 songs is the maximum...
you can play on your head.
Safely.
- Ta da, ta da, ta da, tadaa!
- Hold...
Dick, the family cavalry's here.
Don't touch that dial!
Dick'll be right back!
Honey. Honey, are you all right?
I'm fine.
Joanna.
I know. What is... What is this?
Well, we decided if
you can't slap 'em,
join 'em.
I'm gonna run the cameras.
I'm gonna handle the phones.
I'm gonna show everyone
how to build a bookcase.
And I can go like this
much better than
that other girl.
And we're gonna talk...
Actually, we're still
working on that one.
I... I am really beat.
Dick, Dick, everyone's
real excited about this.
Try and show a
little sensitivity.
Besides, you'll have
plenty of time to rest
once George gets rolling.
Now get... get in there.
Go ahead, get in there
and intro the handyman.
Uh, la... uh, ladies
and gentlemen,
the... the telethon will...
Will continue after all.
Let's check our tote
board total once again.
93 dollars.
Thank you.
Thank you, Stephanie.
My next guest is Mr. George...
- Utley.
- Utley.
Oh, hi. Hi everyone.
I'm gonna show you how to
build a fine, quality bookcase.
So just sit back for the
next couple of hours,
enjoy...
and... pledge.
Now you see honey?
Now you can get a little rest.
Now the first thing
you do is make a frame
by hammering these
boards together like this.
Always remember that when... Ah!
Ow.
Oh, boy.
I really bashed my thumb.
Sorry, I'm out of it.
Back to you, Dick.
Huh? Ah.
Ex... excuse me.
Now what do we do?
Michael,
I'm tired of tote board
bowing. I'm overqualified for it.
Well, Steph, is there
any other talent you have?
Any... anything whatsoever?
Think.
I sang once in boarding school.
Perfect! Get ready!
Ladies and gentlemen, the...
Musical stylings of Miss...
Stephanie Vanderkellen.
I'm... I'm sorry.
Old Man River that Old Man River
He must know somethin'
But don't say nothin'
He just keeps rollin'
He keeps on rollin' along
You and me, we sweat and strain
Body all achin' And
wracked with pain
Tote that barge Lift that bale
Get a little drunk
And you land in jail
I gets weary and sick of tryin'
I'm tired of livin',
and feared of dyin'
But Old Man River, he
just keeps rollin' along
That's all I remember.
That was... that was beautiful.
It was just... just beautiful.
There is... there is really
something going
on inside that girl.
Oh, he's really flaking out!
We... We've gotta do something
to shock him back to his senses.
Okay. Okay, guys. Go
ahead. This is your big chance!
Oh boy. The limelight beckons.
Hi. Hi guys.
Hi. I'm Larry.
This is my brother Darryl
and this is my other brother...
Darryl. Sorry.
Bit of stage fright.
Now...
Now... now
you're in for a treat.
What... what do you...
What do you wanna
talk about, fellas?
Well, I guess the
most excitin' thing for us
is our newly-patented
consumer item:
Dr. Dribble.
The only spoon with a
patented dribble catcher.
Oh yeah, we have an update
on our cow and kitty cat
cross-breeding experiment.
Oh.
From... from the
sound of it, things are...
Are finally starting
to pick... Pick up.
Honey, they're not pledging.
What?
They all wanna
order Dr. Dribble.
Hot dog! A mail-order
winner! Look out, Popeil.
Pe... uh, people.
You... you cannot...
You cannot order Dr. Dribble
through... through this station.
Please call only if... if you are...
if you're gonna make a pledge.
Well, that's... that's better.
Hey, everyone. We're back.
Everything's all settled.
Oh, Dick, you did it!
The telethon saved the station!
Well, that's a nice thought.
Totally wrong, but nice.
The station owner found out
he needed to
keep 'PIV on the air
for the tax write-off.
He said we could
all keep our jobs
if we pull the plug on this...
What did he call
it? A... a fiasco?
Okay, honey.
Come on. Let's go home now.
Honey, now... now that
the whole crew is here,
I... I can finish the telethon.
What are we gonna
do? He's delirious.
We'll never get him home.
Old Man River That Old Man River
He must know somethin'
But don't say nothin'
It's so beautiful.
He just keeps rollin'
He keeps on rollin' along
Just so beautiful.
Meow.
This is my brother Darryl,
and this is my
other brother Darryl.
Hi, guys, it's... it's
great to see you.
Honey, I'm just trying to
learn to make the best of it.
Thank you for that
unexpected warm welcome.
Darryl's a bit flushed.
We just came by to announce
the further branching
out of our creative talents.
We've started inventing.
And we wanted
you to be the first
to upgrade your
standard of living with this.
We call it the Dr. Dribble.
Ah.
We find that eating our
favorite critter in gravy
can be a sloppy,
wasteful affair.
And it's just not as
much fun as it used to be,
sucking each other's shirts.
We know that feeling.
Hence Dr. Dribble.
See, the main portion of
your meal remains here,
just like in your
normal, inferior spoon.
But any sloshing
overspill is caught here.
You can have that one.
No. No, thanks.
We'd just... you know, we'd
just wind up fighting over it.
Yeah.
We understand.
Come on, Darryl.
We'd better patent this baby.
We were beaten once before
and now every time we
see mail-order sea monkeys,
it breaks our hearts.
SOS, Mayday! Mayday!
Michael, what's wrong?
It's the station.
Oh, Michael, don't get
me upset for no reason.
For a minute there,
I thought something
cosmetically devastating
had happened to you.
No, Steph, I'm unmaimed,
but WPIV is in serious
financial trouble.
Even looks like
they won't be able
to pay anyone this week.
Michael, this won't affect
the quality of our dates,
will it?
Don't worry, cupcake.
Seeing this disaster coming,
I made a brilliant
upper-management decision
and advanced myself a month.
Oh.
Well, then, everything's fine.
Michael, as... as relieved as I
am about your ability to date,
um, what... what about the...
The other people at the station?
Don't worry, Dick.
I've earned every nickel
of that ill-gotten booty.
I've come up with a
plan to save WPIV.
A telethon.
- A telethon?
- Yeah.
We get viewers to send in money
so the station
can stay on the air.
Mi... Michael, that's
what public channels do,
but, uh, people won't pay
to watch commercial TV.
We don't know that, Dick.
No one's ever had the
gumption to ask 'em before.
I... I think a tele... a telethon
is a... is a ridiculous idea.
Well, gee, Dick,
I hope that won't
affect your performance
when you host it.
No way.
Now, Dick, think of your
family of fellow WPIVers
all hoping, praying,
that our little TV home
won't be foreclosed on.
I think you should know,
I took a poll of every other
performer at the station,
and they voted unanimously
that you were the one
to host the telethon.
R... Really?
Every last one.
They all thought you
were the only one with
enough stamina to
stay up 48 hours straight.
48 hours? That's two days!
Dick, we have to do something
to grab the viewers' attention
and everyone thinks
that the health risk
to a man your age
stressing yourself out
like that for that many hours
is just the ticket.
I am not killing
myself for the station.
Look, I would never
take the slightest chance
with your health.
You're my friend, my workmate.
My meal ticket.
Well...
And just to make
you feel totally safe,
I've arranged to have a doctor
by your side every minute.
Dick, for our relationship
to keep working
you must be alive.
Honey, I know that. But...
I mean, a whole station
is... Is at stake and...
And I'm sure, you know, it...
It couldn't be that dangerous.
Joanna, you have my word.
He'll be just fine or I'm not
the best darn producer
in show business.
Dick, hold me.
How 'bout that snazzy
tote board, huh?
Oh, and here's
your tote board toots.
Debbie. She's the best. Watch.
And our new
total is 500 dollars!
Great... uh, great gesturing.
And for every 100 dollar pledge,
the Debster will peel
off an item of clothing
until she is down
to her string bikini.
I call it strip-pledging.
Great name. We're not doing it.
Okay.
Lose the strip pledge
angle. Dick doesn't want it.
Thank you, Dick.
Gee, Dick, the crew's
already antsy enough
about not getting
paid yet this week,
and now you've shot a
torpedo through the S.S. Morale.
Anyway, I've written a...
opening speech for
you on the teleprompter.
Michael, I'm not
going on the air
until I see the
doctor you promised.
Well, he, uh,
He's not... he's not
here at the moment.
I'm over here.
Hi. I'm Timmy.
Doc... Dr. Timmy.
He's not a doctor.
Well, not technically
but he's a...
He's a certified
junior lifesaver.
In swimming!
Good for you.
Michael... Dick, real
doctors cost money.
Do you want the
station further in debt?
- Michael, there is no way...
- Dick, you're on the air.
- I'm going to...
- In three, two...
It's the WPIV 48-hour telethon
with Dick Loudon.
Hi.
Welcome to the, uh,
first WPIV telethon.
You may ask what's...
What's this telethon for.
Well, it's for a disease.
A disease called low profits.
We... we need your money
to... To stay on the air.
You see all those high
quality WPIV programs,
The... The Ropers,
uh, Bracken's World,
Me and the Chimp,
don't come cheap.
Now, I know many of
you have been watching
these shows for years for free,
and so in a way
you... You kind of...
owe us.
Anyway, I'm, uh,
gonna go without sleep
for the next 48 hours.
Joining me will be
some wonderful acts,
as well as many of your
favorite WPIV personalities like
Pearl of Pearl's Kitchen,
Jack of Jack's Shed
and Willy of Willy's...
Compost Heap.
Now let's, uh, take a
look at the tote board
and our beginning total is...
Minus 200 dollars?
Tote boards cost money, Dick.
Well, we, uh...
We'd better get started, then.
So here I am,
doing my late night
sermonette, and it hits me.
The crew has taken
out the New Testament
and put in Hollywood Wives.
For a moment there,
the last supper
was at Ma Maison.
That, uh... that... that was...
That was really good, Billy.
Uh, Billy was two hours ago.
I'm Danny.
From Sermonette With Danny?
Oh. Oh yeah. Well, let's, uh...
Let's check our, uh,
tote board as we go into...
Hour 25 and the new total is...
Minus... minus 57.
L... Listen, in this next hour,
I wanna see that board climb...
all the way to zero.
I'm, uh... I'm going to
take this call personally.
Hello, you're on the
air with Dick Loudon.
Uh... uh, Jo... Joanna, not now.
Well, some real...
Real pledges might...
Might be trying to get through.
They could so.
I'm... I'm... I'm fine.
Everybody gets memory trouble
when... when... when they're tired.
Dick Loudon, 28 Westbrook Road.
Well, I... I... I missed
you too last night.
I love you too. Good-bye.
Well, let's get back
with Reverend Lenny
and see some of his clips.
And we're clear.
How's it going, marathon guy?
Terrible.
Well, don't worry, Dick.
As you get closer
to total collapse,
I'm sure things will pick up.
Uh...
something up, guys?
Michael, you promised we'd
get our pay checks today.
Where are they?
Well, they are
supposed to be, uh...
Well, here they are
now. The checks.
Hey, the checks are here!
Oh, uh, guys, here's your...
Here's your checks, just...
Just like I promised.
But, uh, WPIV management
asks one teensy favor.
Under no circumstances
try and cash them.
That does it. We're leavin'.
Hey, guys, uh, try...
Try and look at this
in a positive way.
You know, some of you could
stand to forego a couple of meals
and shed a few kilos.
Wait, wait... Wait
a minute, guys.
If... if you walk out that door,
you're saying goodbye
to WPIV forever.
I mean, what... what about
the close little family
we've become?
Norm, Greg, Ted.
Who the hell are they?
All... all right, I'm having
a little trouble with names.
I... I'm tired.
The... the point is that
the... the closer I
get to total collapse,
the more people will tune in
and... and pledge. Right, Michael?
That's the hope.
Let's job hunt, people.
Nice... nice speech, big
guy, but I guess it's, uh,
I guess it's over.
Come on, I'll... I'll
drive you home.
I'm not leaving, Michael.
Sorry? No comprende.
I'm staying aqui.
Dick, there's no crew,
no camera operators,
no director.
It is my professional opinion
that you should go
home, Mr. Loudon.
Go to your tent, Timmy.
Wow.
Ignoring the doctor?
Dick, I have to tell
you, I think lack of sleep
has seriously impaired
your judgement,
and I demand you let
me take you home or else.
Or... or else what?
Or else...
Or else I'm... I'm
gonna have to slap ya.
I'm not giving up.
Okay, Dick. You
leave me no choice.
Hysterical?
I'm sorry I had to
do that. Now, let's go.
No.
Well, Dick, I didn't
wanna have to do this,
but you're forcing
me to use my big gun.
I'm telling Joanna.
Hi.
Sorry.
Sorry for that little
technical boo...
Uh, boo.
But as I said... sort of...
Sort of doing everything myself.
Moi.
Now, I... I got a
couple more pledges
which will bring
our... Our tally-ho...
Tally... tally high up to...
a grand total of...
37 dolly... dolly-ollars.
Now we've finally broken
that elusive zero barrier.
Hi.
Well, now,
I still... still don't hear
those phones ringing so...
Oh.
Oh no, not... not again.
I guess... I guess I lost... I
lost my head again, folks.
You know,
to show... to show you how much
I want those fundings,
I'm going... I'm going
to do a "soft... sue".
A sand dance.
Da. Da. Da.
Da. Da...
Da. Da.
I'm thinkin'...
10 songs is the maximum...
you can play on your head.
Safely.
- Ta da, ta da, ta da, tadaa!
- Hold...
Dick, the family cavalry's here.
Don't touch that dial!
Dick'll be right back!
Honey. Honey, are you all right?
I'm fine.
Joanna.
I know. What is... What is this?
Well, we decided if
you can't slap 'em,
join 'em.
I'm gonna run the cameras.
I'm gonna handle the phones.
I'm gonna show everyone
how to build a bookcase.
And I can go like this
much better than
that other girl.
And we're gonna talk...
Actually, we're still
working on that one.
I... I am really beat.
Dick, Dick, everyone's
real excited about this.
Try and show a
little sensitivity.
Besides, you'll have
plenty of time to rest
once George gets rolling.
Now get... get in there.
Go ahead, get in there
and intro the handyman.
Uh, la... uh, ladies
and gentlemen,
the... the telethon will...
Will continue after all.
Let's check our tote
board total once again.
93 dollars.
Thank you.
Thank you, Stephanie.
My next guest is Mr. George...
- Utley.
- Utley.
Oh, hi. Hi everyone.
I'm gonna show you how to
build a fine, quality bookcase.
So just sit back for the
next couple of hours,
enjoy...
and... pledge.
Now you see honey?
Now you can get a little rest.
Now the first thing
you do is make a frame
by hammering these
boards together like this.
Always remember that when... Ah!
Ow.
Oh, boy.
I really bashed my thumb.
Sorry, I'm out of it.
Back to you, Dick.
Huh? Ah.
Ex... excuse me.
Now what do we do?
Michael,
I'm tired of tote board
bowing. I'm overqualified for it.
Well, Steph, is there
any other talent you have?
Any... anything whatsoever?
Think.
I sang once in boarding school.
Perfect! Get ready!
Ladies and gentlemen, the...
Musical stylings of Miss...
Stephanie Vanderkellen.
I'm... I'm sorry.
Old Man River that Old Man River
He must know somethin'
But don't say nothin'
He just keeps rollin'
He keeps on rollin' along
You and me, we sweat and strain
Body all achin' And
wracked with pain
Tote that barge Lift that bale
Get a little drunk
And you land in jail
I gets weary and sick of tryin'
I'm tired of livin',
and feared of dyin'
But Old Man River, he
just keeps rollin' along
That's all I remember.
That was... that was beautiful.
It was just... just beautiful.
There is... there is really
something going
on inside that girl.
Oh, he's really flaking out!
We... We've gotta do something
to shock him back to his senses.
Okay. Okay, guys. Go
ahead. This is your big chance!
Oh boy. The limelight beckons.
Hi. Hi guys.
Hi. I'm Larry.
This is my brother Darryl
and this is my other brother...
Darryl. Sorry.
Bit of stage fright.
Now...
Now... now
you're in for a treat.
What... what do you...
What do you wanna
talk about, fellas?
Well, I guess the
most excitin' thing for us
is our newly-patented
consumer item:
Dr. Dribble.
The only spoon with a
patented dribble catcher.
Oh yeah, we have an update
on our cow and kitty cat
cross-breeding experiment.
Oh.
From... from the
sound of it, things are...
Are finally starting
to pick... Pick up.
Honey, they're not pledging.
What?
They all wanna
order Dr. Dribble.
Hot dog! A mail-order
winner! Look out, Popeil.
Pe... uh, people.
You... you cannot...
You cannot order Dr. Dribble
through... through this station.
Please call only if... if you are...
if you're gonna make a pledge.
Well, that's... that's better.
Hey, everyone. We're back.
Everything's all settled.
Oh, Dick, you did it!
The telethon saved the station!
Well, that's a nice thought.
Totally wrong, but nice.
The station owner found out
he needed to
keep 'PIV on the air
for the tax write-off.
He said we could
all keep our jobs
if we pull the plug on this...
What did he call
it? A... a fiasco?
Okay, honey.
Come on. Let's go home now.
Honey, now... now that
the whole crew is here,
I... I can finish the telethon.
What are we gonna
do? He's delirious.
We'll never get him home.
Old Man River That Old Man River
He must know somethin'
But don't say nothin'
It's so beautiful.
He just keeps rollin'
He keeps on rollin' along
Just so beautiful.
Meow.